Shameless US s01e08 Episode Script
It's Time to Kill the Turtle
Keep moving.
Where the hell were you guys last week? We're getting a foster kid.
It's lots of work.
$384 a month.
A lot of those foster kids are messed up.
That's why they need a positive influence.
That's for screwing my husband.
Kiss me and I'll cut your fucking tongue out.
I'm taking the PSATs for some Polish kid over at Ridgedale.
I'm an investigator for the Educational Evaluation Service.
What's the punishment? I'm at the University of Chicago.
Come to my office.
Think of all the luck you got Know that it's not for naught You were beaming once before But it's not like that anymore What is this downside That you speak of? What is this feeling You're so sure of? Round up the friends you got Know that they're not for naught You were willing once before But it's not like that anymore What is this downside That you speak of? What is this feeling You're so Sure of? Sh Going to the store today! Toilet paper.
I'm starting to chafe from the streamers.
Toothpaste.
Why are Steve's clothes down here? Somebody couldn't wait to get upstairs last night.
We out of diapers? Yeah, but I put a plug up his butt.
Didn't I, buddy? Oh, it's okay.
That towel's gonna leak.
Yeah, I'm on it.
So, my SAT gig's a bust, but, uh, I can scrape up some money another way if you need the help.
It's cool.
I got 35 bucks.
Plus, I'm picking up that temp check later.
Okay.
Is that a Taser? Where'd you get that? I let him borrow it.
Hey, help me out.
Carl finally got invited someplace by normal kids.
Robbie Rebello's having a paintball party.
- Towel? - Yeah, but he's not going, so I gave him the Taser to play with.
Don't worry.
It doesn't work.
Who's Candace? No idea.
You aren't going, Carl? No.
It costs $27.
Here.
Awesome! Thanks.
What? Well, he really wanted to go, he knows we're strapped.
This should hold him for a few hours.
You're gonna need new diapers.
Steve got a text from Candace.
"Sweetie, call me.
It's important.
" Hey, you don't read other people's messages.
Is he dating someone else? Go! You're gonna be late for school.
Latey school.
School.
Mommy? Mommy, I'm hungry, Mommy.
I want some food, Mommy.
Wake up.
Mommy? Kev, we're only taking in a foster kid for a week to get the money to pay for my stupid parking tickets.
That's it.
We're like a hotel.
Yeah, I know, but I'm secretly hoping you like it, so we get to keep the kid longer, 'cause I want to do dad things.
Not a secret anymore.
And it's gonna change our lives too much.
No, it won't.
Come on.
We walk around the house naked half the time, shoot tequila for breakfast and swear up a storm.
You think we're gonna be able to do that with a kid around? Yeah, but who cares? You know what? I lived with some crazy ass foster parents, but it's better than being brought up in a group home.
Well, just don't get too excited.
We're gonna get our money and kick the little brat to the curb.
All right, fine.
Now come here and let me suckle your little teat, Mommy.
Uh-uh.
Come on, let me suckle yo' teat.
Uh-uh! I need some milk.
I need some breakfast.
Which do you like better? One? Mmm.
Or two? Mmm.
One.
What about one? Mm-hmm.
Or two? Mm, definitely two.
Okay, one? Oh, God, one.
One.
One, one.
I'm not finished yet.
One? Mmm.
Mmm.
Or two? Oh, God, one! Who the fuck is Candace? Who?! Yeah, that's what I'm asking you.
How do you know about Candace? Oh, so there's something to know? We She We work together.
Uh-huh.
Why is she texting you? "Hey, sweetie, it's important.
Call me.
" Uh, she's a little high maintenance.
That happens when you fuck someone.
Believe me, I didn't fuck Candace.
We work together.
That's all.
I don't care if you screw someone else.
Just don't lie about it.
Ever.
I'll turn it off.
Shit.
What? I got to leave.
Are you kidding me? It's-It's a work thing.
Um, I'll make it up to you.
Sorry.
I'm-I'm-I'm sorry, ok? I'll make it up to you tonight.
I don't think he's gonna wake up.
Mr.
Gallagher? Mr.
Gallagher? What the bejeezus?! Sorry.
We tried smelling salts, caffeine injections, ice baths.
Where am I? In the hospital.
You've been unconscious for two days with alcohol poisoning.
Oh, that's-that's nothing.
Back in '95, I was out for eight days.
Wait, wait.
Hold on on second.
I'm Dr.
Seery.
These are my residents.
We have a proposition for you.
Well, you're hot, but it's been a while since I've been with a dude, never mind two.
Oh, you've-you've misunderstood.
Uh, we'd like you to participate in our medical study.
Your what? In my whole career, I've never seen such a spectacular display of alcoholism.
Thank you.
Would you be able to abstain from alcohol for two weeks? No.
We could offer you $3,000.
- Yes.
- I was like, "Girl, you are not using my eyeliner if you have pinkeye.
" And she was, like, "Well, then, you're not my friend anymore.
" Hmm? You're not listening, are you? No.
Sorry.
What's wrong with you? I slept with someone, not Kash.
What?! Yeah.
Well, deets, please.
Who? I can't tell you.
He's on the down low, you know? Wow.
Yeah.
What are you doing? Hiding our silver, in case they send us a thief.
We have three settings, none of 'em even match.
They were my Aunt Elva's.
Hey, check this out.
Found my old football one of my foster dads left me.
What if it's a girl? Then she's gonna learn some kick ass moves.
Kev Ball fakes left, spins right.
He's at the 30.
The 20.
The ten.
Touchdown! Hello.
I'm sorry.
I'm Mrs.
Martini from the DCFS.
Oh.
I'm Veronica.
This is my husband Kevin.
Hey.
Hi.
Nice to meet you.
Thank you for being available on such short notice.
Uh, this is Ethel.
Wow.
Okay.
Hi.
Ethel and 70 other children were removed from a religious sect.
Religious sect? You mean, like a cult? Say hello to your new foster family, Ethel.
Hello.
You'll come back every three days for a drug screening and brain scan.
In addition, you'll be wearing my RAM.
Remote Alcohol Monitor.
Designed it myself.
This fine piece of jewelry will alert us to any alcohol use.
Make it the whole two weeks, you get the cash.
Can I get an advance? This green light is connected to your bracelet.
Drink one sip of booze, light turns red.
Attempt to take the bracelet off, light turns red.
Spill rubbing alcohol on it, light turns red.
Red light equals no cash.
Get ready to say good-bye to three grand.
I'm a sober man! Usual, Frank? Didn't you hear me, Jess? I'm sober now.
Here you go.
JB and an Old Style.
Whoa.
Whoa.
I'm sober as a seven-year-old.
Haven't had a drink in two days.
Well, granted, I've been unconscious for most of it, but I figure, if I can abstain from alcohol when I'm out, how hard can it be to do when I'm awake? What are you talking about? Medical study.
For the next two weeks, my body is a temple.
No alcohol for this fella.
And I got this little guy to keep my honest.
Hey, Lindsay Lohan, how much are they paying you? Well, who says I'm getting paid? No, seriously, how much? Never you mind what I'm making.
You should spend some time taking a personal inventory of what you're doing for the betterment of society.
Why are you in a bar, Frank, if you're not drinking? Came in for some support.
The way I see it, I've done a lot for the folks around here over the past couple of years, and I could use a little help from you all now.
I might hit some rough patches over the next few weeks, so I'd like you all to commit to not drinking, too, in solidarity.
Like schoolchildren, when they shave their head for the cancer kid.
So what say you all? Who's ready to put down the booze with me for the next two weeks?! Fine.
Hope you all get AIDS.
Thanks.
Hi, girl.
Here for your check? Yeah.
Hi, Liam.
Thanks, Gisela.
Fiona I can't find it.
What job did you do? Auto show last week.
Ah, shit.
What? Jackasses at McCormick Place handed in the time cards late.
Checks won't be in till next Friday.
Are you serious? Sorry about that.
Can I go pick it up? Payroll doesn't release funds early.
I won't make it till next week.
Sticks and Skates Sports Bar may need someone for this weekend.
They still make you wear those uniforms? Yeah.
Might as well put a mirrored stage and a stripper pole in that place.
I'm teaching a free PowerPoint class for the next four Saturdays.
Could get you an office job once you're certified.
Starting pay is $20 an hour.
Hey, Sheila, Karen already leave for school? No.
Have you seen Frank? What, he hasn't been here? Not in a few days.
I'm rather worried about him.
I'm sure he's just on a bender.
He'll surface.
Yeah.
What are you doing here? The SAT guy that popped me dragging my ass out to the University of Chicago.
You're planning on going to college? Fuck, no.
I thought we'd check it out though, you know, maybe steal some sweatshirts from the bookstore.
Okay.
Hey, Ethel, Veronica's setting up a space for you in the living room.
In the meantime, pick your poison.
Parcheesi? Monopoly? Clue? No? Yes? Maybe? You want to go over to the park? Throw the old pigskin around? I haven't done my chores today.
Como se huh? My chores.
Don't you have any for me to do? No.
Like what? Scrubbing floors.
Washing dishes.
Hemming.
Pickling.
Canning.
Laundry.
Let's go grab a burger.
There's a new kids' place where all the waiters dress like famous Chicago gangsters.
Although I have no idea what that has to do with kids or burgers.
What? The Bible says that chores keep the soul pure.
It does? All right, let's go find you some chores to do.
Sorry we can't fool around.
It's cool.
I get it.
A woman's fertile for five days.
Linda looked it up online.
Oh, yeah? Is everything okay with you? Totally.
It's her.
She's ripe.
I got to go.
I guess I'll see you later? Yeah.
Mother! Frank! Oh! Frank! Frank! Oh, I am worried about you.
Where have you been? Are you all right? No, I'm not all right.
No? I've got to stay sober for two weeks.
I'm not gonna make it.
Do we have cigarettes? I really need a cigarette.
Frank, I'm I'm so proud of you.
Don't be proud.
It's only been an hour.
Oh! You gotta help me.
Keep me busy.
Entertain me.
All right, Frankie.
Okay.
Boom-boom Boom That's good, Sheils.
That's-that's that's really good.
Just keep doing that for the next two weeks, okay? Boom-boom Bum-bitty, yum-bum, bum-bitty, yum-bum I can hear it.
So, when you're not busting SAT cheaters, you're a teacher? Professor.
Oh.
SAT's a side gig.
Pays for my boat.
Which gets you laid, I'm guessing.
No, the beard gets me laid.
Chicks dig a beard.
I'll keep that in mind.
You planning on going to college? You know, Professor Hurst thinks Lip's a genius.
I think he is, too.
That's cute.
I'd like you to attend the university next semester.
I can't.
I still have a year and a half of high school left.
Well, test out.
You know you're capable.
And pay for it with what? Beard get me money, too? There's grants you can apply for.
There's loans that will pay for the school and the dorm and your meal card.
And then I end up owing like a half million bucks, right? Well, you're a clever kid.
You'll figure out a way to stiff Uncle Sam.
I don't know, sounds like a lot of trouble to me.
Well, it's better than the alternative.
And what's that? Well That girl that you're with Uh-huh.
you'll knock her up, or someone like her.
And she'll say it happened accidentally.
But you'll always wonder if it happened accidentally on purpose.
You'll get a job at Best Buy.
And with luck, you'll make assistant manager by the time you're 30.
Unless, of course, the anger that you've suppressed finally bubbles over and you mouth off to the wrong person and you get your ass fired.
And from that point on, you won't be able to hold a job very long because you'll know the truth.
And what's that? That you never lived up to your potential.
And the only way to numb the pain of underachieving is with booze and with meth.
The old philosophical-professor who's-gonna-set-the-troubled- teen-on-the-right-track? It's a little trite, don't you think? Oh I mean, how many of us has that actually worked on? Not enough.
There's no shortage of brilliant kids just like yourself who are too stupid to get out of the 'hood.
And how do we usually respond? You tell me to fuck off.
Well, I guess you saved me the trouble.
Actually, no.
Fuck off.
Listen, I've got a class.
Why don't you take a peek inside here before you go? This is the robotics lab.
It is the best in the country.
Just, uh, poke around.
Come by anytime.
Wear a condom, Phillip.
Got any 8's? Go fish.
How about 4's? Got any 4's? Shit, it's only been 90 minutes.
You want some more coffee? Uh-uh.
I'm crawling out of my skin.
Well, I know another thing that might kill some time.
No.
No.
Have mercy on me.
I can't handle anything up my ass without alcohol.
Listen, we'll make it all be about you, okay? Come on.
Come on, sweetie.
Got any Slim Js in this shit hole? Yeah, in the back room.
Sure we can't help, Ethel? Hey, don't kick me 'cause you don't want to clean.
The carpet is fine.
I swiffered last week.
I just feel icky about this.
I mean, we're supposed to be taking care of her.
Not taking advantage of her.
You said it makes her happy when she cleans.
She's not our slave, V.
Do you see her picking cotton? All finished.
Can I help you with your chores now, Veronica? At my house, all the wives split the chores.
All the wives? You're one of five wives? Married to a dude named Clyde? Who's 65 years old? And how old are you? Oh, my I'm gonna bust your ass.
What's the total right now? Um, $7.
56.
Okay.
Okay keep going, or okay you want to pay? Keep going.
Excuse me.
Where's the bathroom? Uh, door to the left of the butcher.
Thanks.
Okay, baby, we're going.
Okay, your total is $18.
72.
Don't worry, honey, Mama's gonna change your diaper now.
How much without the diapers? Hang in there, Liam.
Oh, damn, did I forget your diapers? I do that all the time.
There you go.
Thanks.
We got it.
So Guess this was like a booty call, huh? Whatever.
See ya.
Maybe you're not attracted to me anymore.
Give-Give it a minute.
My hand.
I'm cramping up.
Use your mouth.
Okay.
He doesn't even know I'm here.
Sheils? You're not putting an IV in it.
Come out, come out, wherever you are.
It looks like a gummy worm.
I'm going for a jog.
Well, that's a nice idea, too.
Doing great, Frank.
Doing great.
Everything's fine.
You're gonna make it.
Oh! Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
It's been, uh, oh, 37 years since my last confession.
America, America, God shed his grace on thee.
Mars, Venus, Earth, Mercury, Jupiter Martians Pluto, Pluto Pluto? It's not even a goddamn planet anymore! It got demoted just like St.
Christopher.
Oh, God! Daddy? Debbie, what are you doing here? This is where I play after school.
It is? You okay, Daddy? Gave up the booze.
Not feeling too good.
Want some Hawaiian Punch? Mmm Mmm! So good.
Why's it so good? It's all sugar.
Can we get more of this? Mmm This is nice, isn't it, Deb, the two of just hanging out, getting to know each other? Yeah.
Why don't we do this more often? We should do this more often.
Want to snort the next batch? No.
What are we doing here? Seriously? From, uh, my vantage point, it looks like we're on the verge of fucking.
No, I mean, you and me.
What are we? What we've always been; friends.
Just friends? Yeah, you know friends who like to do this.
Right? Right.
I knew that.
I was just checking.
Oh, fuck.
You have a bedroom, Lip.
Yeah, says the girl who had sex on the stairs last night.
Hallway.
I stand corrected.
Kev and V are on their way over with meat sauce.
Is that a euphemism? I bought pasta.
They're bringing their foster kid over to play with Debs.
Paintball rocks! I had the best day of my life.
Did you wear a face guard? Nope.
Hey, hey! I want you guys to meet our new daughter.
Foster daughter.
Why you got to do that? Let me help you with that.
You weren't kidding about her.
I know.
Hi, I'm Karen.
Nice to meet you.
Oh, right, 'cause it's Frankie's home! Oh, my God, I am so wired.
Debs, what's going on? We got high on sugar, because Daddy quit drinking.
Whose daddy? Me daddy.
Me, me, me-me-me-me.
Shit.
What? He's done this once before.
We gotta help Daddy stay busy and keep his mind off of drinking, so he can make $3,000.
Hey, everybody, come here.
Gather round.
I've got something I want to say.
Um, I know I haven't been the most exemplary father for the past three or 15 years.
But now I'm gonna need your help to get through this.
From this point forward, we're going to be a family again.
What the hell is that? Ready, set, go! Spin, Ethel, two times! Under the shovel! You only spun you only spun her two times! Here comes Carl! Under the shovel! Hey! The piano.
I didn't know Frank played the piano.
Neither did I.
Just walk away, walk out the door Just turn around now 'Cause you're not welcome anymore Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with good-bye? Did you think I'd crumble? Did you think I'd lay down and die? Hey, hey, hey I can't believe you guys are buying into all his bullshit.
Come on.
I'll walk you home, Karen.
What difference does it make? He'll be drinking again by tomorrow, anyway.
No, not when money's involved.
Dang, what's wrong with cranky pants tonight? "Got caught up with something.
Check in with you tomorrow.
" That from Steve? Yeah.
He was acting weird this morning after "Candace" texted him.
Said he works with her.
Don't know if I believe him.
Okay, any requests? "Carry Me Home on the Cross?" Thanks for bringing dinner.
You supplied the spaghetti.
Yeah, with no sauce.
I'm hanging by a thread.
You're talking to someone who's renting a kid for money.
I gotta find something more permanent.
Like what? Could take a PowerPoint class.
Or Sticks and Skates may be hiring.
You mean, Dicks and Dates? Maybe Frank will stay sober and get the cash.
Maybe I'll win the lottery.
Hey, you think Steve's lying? Probably.
If I find out he is, I'm done with him.
Done with who? Steve.
He's getting text messages from some bitch named Candace.
Candace? Uh-oh, that sounds like a woman you have an affair with.
It does? It does? No! Please, that fool doesn't have enough game to cheat.
Did you ask him if he was? Yeah.
He said he wasn't.
Well, then you have two choices: believe him or don't.
Or you could let your suspicions grow until you turn into the ice queen and act like he's invisible until he starts sending anonymous threatening notes, and you have to report his ass to the po-po.
Who was that? Brian? Brian, Joey, Michael.
You know, Fi, every guy you've been with, you cut and run.
Maybe it's time you tried something new.
Damn, baby, that was good! Being a dad brings out the best in me.
You're not a dad.
We got a football game starting out on the street.
Shirts against skins.
Sweet.
Uh, you two are skins.
I have no idea what PowerPoint is, but you're smart.
I know you're gonna be great at it.
Hello? Anybody here? I'm home.
Hey, there he is.
Little brother! Flight from Detroit okay? Yeah, yeah, fine.
Yeah? How's school? Ah, piece of cake so far.
Well, that's what you get for going to Michigan instead of Harvard.
Oh! You set me up for that, huh? Huh? Huh? You didn't see that coming.
Sorry to drag you back to Chicago for all this.
Nah.
How's the practice? Busy.
Thank God for fast food and stress.
It's like a platinum Amex for cardiologists.
Hey, you.
Hey.
I missed you.
Mmm.
Thanks! We're all in the kitchen having tea.
Yeah, I'll be right there.
I'll tell your mother.
I mean, I got three fucking kids at home, and you're going balls-deep in that? Fucking killing me, Jimmy.
Welcome home.
First pub crawl I did was when I was 16.
Hit 22 pubs before I hurled.
Got right back on the horse.
Hit ten more.
Hurled again.
That's how I got the nickname "Boot and Rally.
" Cool! Anyone seen the laptop? What's going on in here? Daddy made us Mickey Mouse pancakes.
Are you serious? Mm-hmm.
What'd I tell you? Still not drinking till he gets his money.
If I ever drink again.
Right.
Java's my vice now.
Yeah, well, drunk or sober, you're still an asshole.
Lip! It's okay, Deb.
Everybody's got a right to his opinion.
That's what makes this country of ours so great.
You want orange juice? Ooh, yeah, yum.
Where'd you get all this stuff to make breakfast? Traded some old Hustler magazines with Rusty the Drunk.
He's working as a dishwasher at the Denny's over on West 95th Street.
You want some OJ? No.
Oh! Found it.
I'm taking this to the job center for a few hours.
Yeah, come on, Debs, Carl.
Grab your coats.
Told Kev we'd be over there in five minutes.
Does that weird girl have to come with us? Where you going? Bowling.
Lip knows a kid who can get us in for free.
Wanna come? No, Debs, I don't think he can Hey, I'd love to come! Just let me clean this place up first.
Okay? Excuse me? What? Clear the table.
Hey, the Gallaghers invited us to go bowling.
What are you doing? Veronica asked me to do her chores.
Said she would help me with mine next week.
No.
What? Put that down.
Put that down.
Look, I know the Bible says you get closer to God and crap if you sew the holes in my socks, but this is just wrong.
It's Saturday! And in my house, the way to get closer to God on Saturday is to play.
Is that in Ezekiel? Yeah, the updated version.
Now go change out of that Laura Ingalls dress.
Oh, yes, sir.
And don't call me "sir.
" We are gonna have so much fun! Yeah, it's open! Hey, Ethel, let's get a move on, huh? Holy fuck! I'm ready for you, sir.
What are you doing? Clyde usually had me on Tuesdays, but if you want me on Saturdays No, I don't want you on Saturdays, I don't want you, ever.
- Hey, Kev, we're all ready to - Whoa.
Uh No, Lip.
Lip, wait! No, you use "me" because it's the object of the preposition.
So it's "with Max and me?" Yep.
Sounds weird.
I'm telling you, it's right.
Douchebags.
Assface.
Gotta go to the bathroom.
Hold the handle down when you flush.
Okay.
Hey.
You want a pizza bagel? Sure.
Show of hands: how many of you know Word? Okay.
Microsoft Excel? All right, let's get started.
Gladys, can you get the lights? Open up the PowerPoint template, which can be found in your Microsoft Suite.
In the dialogue box, enter the title of your presentation.
Take a moment now to use the toolbar and experiment and size of your text I must warn you, I have bowled before.
Hey, you want to put some money on it? Just for fun.
That's what I'm talking about, yes! For you! For you! I love you! Yeah! Did you see that? Yeah! Go, Dad! Ho, I'm hot, ho, ho.
Look out.
Guys, don't get too used to this, okay? What? Well, Dad's not always going to be so nice.
Yes, he will.
No.
Not when he starts drinking again, okay? He'll go back to his old ways and I don't want you two getting hurt.
Hurt? All right, Deb, here's the spare! Yeah! Um, remember that turtle you had last summer? Walter? Yeah, yeah.
Walter.
And you guys were really, really into him for like, two weeks.
And you talked to him, and you fed him.
And you took him everywhere with you, right? But after a while, you know, you guys got busy with other things.
So Walter's water never got changed, and nobody fed him.
And like two months later, Debs, you wanted to show off Walter to your friend Susie.
And you guys started looking for him, and when you found him, he was all dried up and dead.
Now see, you guys are that turtle, okay? And Dad's you.
You get what I'm saying? Dad's buying us another turtle? No.
Uh, no, forget it.
Never mind.
Don't worry, Lip.
I get it.
Daddy's going to forget all about us when he starts drinking again.
It's okay.
I don't mind.
I'm going to enjoy this while it lasts, if that's okay.
Yeah, sure, Debs.
That's, um that's a good plan.
Took you long enough.
Yeah.
Your dad was in there forever.
Shove over, faggots.
Watch and learn.
"No worries.
" Okay.
That's, uh, 36 bucks.
I got it.
Keep the change, darling.
Thanks.
Whoo! Hey.
Sorry I'm late.
No biggie.
Good news.
Linda's done with me this month.
Oh, yeah? Maybe we could, um adjust the cameras, for old time's sake.
"Then I hear it "several pairs of feet breaking into a run.
"The firestarter must've dozed off.
"They're on her before she can escape, and I know" Any chance of you getting a job, now that you're sober? Shh! We're getting to the part where Katniss releases the tracker jackers that kill Glimmer.
Dinner in the kitchen, if you want.
"Then there's laughter, "and congratulations from several voices.
'Twelve down! Eleven to go!'" He I'm going out.
What's up? Hard day.
Why are you so upset with Dad? Fiona, we, uh we've been through this before, remember? Last time Dad was sober? Yeah? So? He, uh, he had a bet with some guy at the bar, and became the perfect dad.
I mean, it was the first time he ever came to one of my Little League games.
And uh, I hit a double.
I fucking never saw him so proud.
You knew he was going to go back to his regular shitty self.
No, that's, uh, that's the thing.
I didn't know.
Hi.
What are you doing? Well, I was, uh, I was going to go back, check out that lab.
You want to come? Okay.
Why didn't you just go to the front door? This seemed more romantic.
Plus, I didn't know if you were up there with someone.
Jason snuck out an hour ago.
Jason Pierce? Maybe.
He just showed me a Web site to steal music.
I'll be right down.
All right.
I'm not even in the mood, V.
What's up? You know what's up.
Is this about the kid? Yeah.
What now? You've made her do your chores.
And then you promised to do hers next week? So? You lied to her.
She's not even going to be here next week.
What's the big deal? She's a freak.
V, that girl needs us.
I mean, you heard that messed-up story of hers.
Not to mention, she thought I wanted to have sex with her today.
What? Yeah.
Sex.
A 13-year-old girl.
Who knows what crazy family she's going to get if we give her back? Kevin, we're not keeping her.
I think we should, until she gets a permanent home.
We can help her live like a normal child.
This is none of our business.
We signed on for it.
No.
You signed on for it.
I signed on for the money.
Where are you going? I'm sleeping on the couch.
Mom? What's wrong? Frank left.
No, he didn't.
He's at the Gallaghers'.
Because he's lost interest in me.
Lip says he'll be back to normal as soon as he starts drinking again.
Do you think so? I do.
What the hell is that? Dad, what the hell are you doing? Are you fucking kidding me?! Remodeling.
Son, grab that copper wire.
It's worth a lot of money these days.
No! Dad, stop! Why the fuck is our couch on the wall? We need a fresh start.
There's a gas line right there.
Oh.
All right.
Fine.
We'll start the demolition in the bathroom, kids.
Yeah! Last time, he ripped up the floorboards, remember? Shit.
Said he was gonna put in Saltillo tiles.
Of course, he never did.
Yeah, and I had to date that flooring guy for a month to get him to finish the work.
What are we gonna do? We have to kill the turtle.
Daddy and Carl are up in the attic getting ready to cut a hole in the roof for a skylight.
It's time to kill the turtle.
Now, Debs, you know that you guys were the turtle in my story, right? Oh.
Right.
That's okay.
I get what you're saying, though.
Thanks.
You sure about this? It'll hurt less now than if we wait two more weeks.
Okay.
What's up with the turtle? You wouldn't understand.
Daddy, help! I think I see a mouse! A mouse? Hold on.
I'll be right down.
Where is the little I thought the Taser didn't work.
Yeah.
I just told Carl that.
I took the batteries out.
All right.
Open his mouth.
No.
No! No.
No.
What happened? It's better this way, Carl.
You seen Kev? He went to play basketball.
Oh.
How about some breakfast? I make a mean French toast.
Come on.
Put the Brillo down.
Sit.
When I was a kid, my mother would make me and my brother anything we wanted for dinner on our birthday.
I always asked for French toast.
Hey.
Hey.
We're having French toast.
Cool.
I'm gonna go take a quick shower.
I'll be right back.
Could I ask a favor, please? Sure, sweetie.
If I'm going to be staying here for a while, would it be all right if my son Jonah came to visit? It is absolutely critical that as we move to get recovery back on track, that we commit to the American people that we're willing to get on a path to sustainability Just bracelet.
No bone.
Now, again, we propose to do that beginning I'm so sorry I've been MIA.
I just had to I didn't even notice.
Come on.
Tim Geithner's telling us how everything's okay.
Frank.
Fuck off.
And you're absolutely right.
We need to look very carefully at the impact of the overall tax burden on the American economy, and the effect that has on incentives for investment and savings and growth.
And that basic approach underpins the proposals we've made Are you drunk? That I am.
Where the hell were you guys last week? We're getting a foster kid.
It's lots of work.
$384 a month.
A lot of those foster kids are messed up.
That's why they need a positive influence.
That's for screwing my husband.
Kiss me and I'll cut your fucking tongue out.
I'm taking the PSATs for some Polish kid over at Ridgedale.
I'm an investigator for the Educational Evaluation Service.
What's the punishment? I'm at the University of Chicago.
Come to my office.
Think of all the luck you got Know that it's not for naught You were beaming once before But it's not like that anymore What is this downside That you speak of? What is this feeling You're so sure of? Round up the friends you got Know that they're not for naught You were willing once before But it's not like that anymore What is this downside That you speak of? What is this feeling You're so Sure of? Sh Going to the store today! Toilet paper.
I'm starting to chafe from the streamers.
Toothpaste.
Why are Steve's clothes down here? Somebody couldn't wait to get upstairs last night.
We out of diapers? Yeah, but I put a plug up his butt.
Didn't I, buddy? Oh, it's okay.
That towel's gonna leak.
Yeah, I'm on it.
So, my SAT gig's a bust, but, uh, I can scrape up some money another way if you need the help.
It's cool.
I got 35 bucks.
Plus, I'm picking up that temp check later.
Okay.
Is that a Taser? Where'd you get that? I let him borrow it.
Hey, help me out.
Carl finally got invited someplace by normal kids.
Robbie Rebello's having a paintball party.
- Towel? - Yeah, but he's not going, so I gave him the Taser to play with.
Don't worry.
It doesn't work.
Who's Candace? No idea.
You aren't going, Carl? No.
It costs $27.
Here.
Awesome! Thanks.
What? Well, he really wanted to go, he knows we're strapped.
This should hold him for a few hours.
You're gonna need new diapers.
Steve got a text from Candace.
"Sweetie, call me.
It's important.
" Hey, you don't read other people's messages.
Is he dating someone else? Go! You're gonna be late for school.
Latey school.
School.
Mommy? Mommy, I'm hungry, Mommy.
I want some food, Mommy.
Wake up.
Mommy? Kev, we're only taking in a foster kid for a week to get the money to pay for my stupid parking tickets.
That's it.
We're like a hotel.
Yeah, I know, but I'm secretly hoping you like it, so we get to keep the kid longer, 'cause I want to do dad things.
Not a secret anymore.
And it's gonna change our lives too much.
No, it won't.
Come on.
We walk around the house naked half the time, shoot tequila for breakfast and swear up a storm.
You think we're gonna be able to do that with a kid around? Yeah, but who cares? You know what? I lived with some crazy ass foster parents, but it's better than being brought up in a group home.
Well, just don't get too excited.
We're gonna get our money and kick the little brat to the curb.
All right, fine.
Now come here and let me suckle your little teat, Mommy.
Uh-uh.
Come on, let me suckle yo' teat.
Uh-uh! I need some milk.
I need some breakfast.
Which do you like better? One? Mmm.
Or two? Mmm.
One.
What about one? Mm-hmm.
Or two? Mm, definitely two.
Okay, one? Oh, God, one.
One.
One, one.
I'm not finished yet.
One? Mmm.
Mmm.
Or two? Oh, God, one! Who the fuck is Candace? Who?! Yeah, that's what I'm asking you.
How do you know about Candace? Oh, so there's something to know? We She We work together.
Uh-huh.
Why is she texting you? "Hey, sweetie, it's important.
Call me.
" Uh, she's a little high maintenance.
That happens when you fuck someone.
Believe me, I didn't fuck Candace.
We work together.
That's all.
I don't care if you screw someone else.
Just don't lie about it.
Ever.
I'll turn it off.
Shit.
What? I got to leave.
Are you kidding me? It's-It's a work thing.
Um, I'll make it up to you.
Sorry.
I'm-I'm-I'm sorry, ok? I'll make it up to you tonight.
I don't think he's gonna wake up.
Mr.
Gallagher? Mr.
Gallagher? What the bejeezus?! Sorry.
We tried smelling salts, caffeine injections, ice baths.
Where am I? In the hospital.
You've been unconscious for two days with alcohol poisoning.
Oh, that's-that's nothing.
Back in '95, I was out for eight days.
Wait, wait.
Hold on on second.
I'm Dr.
Seery.
These are my residents.
We have a proposition for you.
Well, you're hot, but it's been a while since I've been with a dude, never mind two.
Oh, you've-you've misunderstood.
Uh, we'd like you to participate in our medical study.
Your what? In my whole career, I've never seen such a spectacular display of alcoholism.
Thank you.
Would you be able to abstain from alcohol for two weeks? No.
We could offer you $3,000.
- Yes.
- I was like, "Girl, you are not using my eyeliner if you have pinkeye.
" And she was, like, "Well, then, you're not my friend anymore.
" Hmm? You're not listening, are you? No.
Sorry.
What's wrong with you? I slept with someone, not Kash.
What?! Yeah.
Well, deets, please.
Who? I can't tell you.
He's on the down low, you know? Wow.
Yeah.
What are you doing? Hiding our silver, in case they send us a thief.
We have three settings, none of 'em even match.
They were my Aunt Elva's.
Hey, check this out.
Found my old football one of my foster dads left me.
What if it's a girl? Then she's gonna learn some kick ass moves.
Kev Ball fakes left, spins right.
He's at the 30.
The 20.
The ten.
Touchdown! Hello.
I'm sorry.
I'm Mrs.
Martini from the DCFS.
Oh.
I'm Veronica.
This is my husband Kevin.
Hey.
Hi.
Nice to meet you.
Thank you for being available on such short notice.
Uh, this is Ethel.
Wow.
Okay.
Hi.
Ethel and 70 other children were removed from a religious sect.
Religious sect? You mean, like a cult? Say hello to your new foster family, Ethel.
Hello.
You'll come back every three days for a drug screening and brain scan.
In addition, you'll be wearing my RAM.
Remote Alcohol Monitor.
Designed it myself.
This fine piece of jewelry will alert us to any alcohol use.
Make it the whole two weeks, you get the cash.
Can I get an advance? This green light is connected to your bracelet.
Drink one sip of booze, light turns red.
Attempt to take the bracelet off, light turns red.
Spill rubbing alcohol on it, light turns red.
Red light equals no cash.
Get ready to say good-bye to three grand.
I'm a sober man! Usual, Frank? Didn't you hear me, Jess? I'm sober now.
Here you go.
JB and an Old Style.
Whoa.
Whoa.
I'm sober as a seven-year-old.
Haven't had a drink in two days.
Well, granted, I've been unconscious for most of it, but I figure, if I can abstain from alcohol when I'm out, how hard can it be to do when I'm awake? What are you talking about? Medical study.
For the next two weeks, my body is a temple.
No alcohol for this fella.
And I got this little guy to keep my honest.
Hey, Lindsay Lohan, how much are they paying you? Well, who says I'm getting paid? No, seriously, how much? Never you mind what I'm making.
You should spend some time taking a personal inventory of what you're doing for the betterment of society.
Why are you in a bar, Frank, if you're not drinking? Came in for some support.
The way I see it, I've done a lot for the folks around here over the past couple of years, and I could use a little help from you all now.
I might hit some rough patches over the next few weeks, so I'd like you all to commit to not drinking, too, in solidarity.
Like schoolchildren, when they shave their head for the cancer kid.
So what say you all? Who's ready to put down the booze with me for the next two weeks?! Fine.
Hope you all get AIDS.
Thanks.
Hi, girl.
Here for your check? Yeah.
Hi, Liam.
Thanks, Gisela.
Fiona I can't find it.
What job did you do? Auto show last week.
Ah, shit.
What? Jackasses at McCormick Place handed in the time cards late.
Checks won't be in till next Friday.
Are you serious? Sorry about that.
Can I go pick it up? Payroll doesn't release funds early.
I won't make it till next week.
Sticks and Skates Sports Bar may need someone for this weekend.
They still make you wear those uniforms? Yeah.
Might as well put a mirrored stage and a stripper pole in that place.
I'm teaching a free PowerPoint class for the next four Saturdays.
Could get you an office job once you're certified.
Starting pay is $20 an hour.
Hey, Sheila, Karen already leave for school? No.
Have you seen Frank? What, he hasn't been here? Not in a few days.
I'm rather worried about him.
I'm sure he's just on a bender.
He'll surface.
Yeah.
What are you doing here? The SAT guy that popped me dragging my ass out to the University of Chicago.
You're planning on going to college? Fuck, no.
I thought we'd check it out though, you know, maybe steal some sweatshirts from the bookstore.
Okay.
Hey, Ethel, Veronica's setting up a space for you in the living room.
In the meantime, pick your poison.
Parcheesi? Monopoly? Clue? No? Yes? Maybe? You want to go over to the park? Throw the old pigskin around? I haven't done my chores today.
Como se huh? My chores.
Don't you have any for me to do? No.
Like what? Scrubbing floors.
Washing dishes.
Hemming.
Pickling.
Canning.
Laundry.
Let's go grab a burger.
There's a new kids' place where all the waiters dress like famous Chicago gangsters.
Although I have no idea what that has to do with kids or burgers.
What? The Bible says that chores keep the soul pure.
It does? All right, let's go find you some chores to do.
Sorry we can't fool around.
It's cool.
I get it.
A woman's fertile for five days.
Linda looked it up online.
Oh, yeah? Is everything okay with you? Totally.
It's her.
She's ripe.
I got to go.
I guess I'll see you later? Yeah.
Mother! Frank! Oh! Frank! Frank! Oh, I am worried about you.
Where have you been? Are you all right? No, I'm not all right.
No? I've got to stay sober for two weeks.
I'm not gonna make it.
Do we have cigarettes? I really need a cigarette.
Frank, I'm I'm so proud of you.
Don't be proud.
It's only been an hour.
Oh! You gotta help me.
Keep me busy.
Entertain me.
All right, Frankie.
Okay.
Boom-boom Boom That's good, Sheils.
That's-that's that's really good.
Just keep doing that for the next two weeks, okay? Boom-boom Bum-bitty, yum-bum, bum-bitty, yum-bum I can hear it.
So, when you're not busting SAT cheaters, you're a teacher? Professor.
Oh.
SAT's a side gig.
Pays for my boat.
Which gets you laid, I'm guessing.
No, the beard gets me laid.
Chicks dig a beard.
I'll keep that in mind.
You planning on going to college? You know, Professor Hurst thinks Lip's a genius.
I think he is, too.
That's cute.
I'd like you to attend the university next semester.
I can't.
I still have a year and a half of high school left.
Well, test out.
You know you're capable.
And pay for it with what? Beard get me money, too? There's grants you can apply for.
There's loans that will pay for the school and the dorm and your meal card.
And then I end up owing like a half million bucks, right? Well, you're a clever kid.
You'll figure out a way to stiff Uncle Sam.
I don't know, sounds like a lot of trouble to me.
Well, it's better than the alternative.
And what's that? Well That girl that you're with Uh-huh.
you'll knock her up, or someone like her.
And she'll say it happened accidentally.
But you'll always wonder if it happened accidentally on purpose.
You'll get a job at Best Buy.
And with luck, you'll make assistant manager by the time you're 30.
Unless, of course, the anger that you've suppressed finally bubbles over and you mouth off to the wrong person and you get your ass fired.
And from that point on, you won't be able to hold a job very long because you'll know the truth.
And what's that? That you never lived up to your potential.
And the only way to numb the pain of underachieving is with booze and with meth.
The old philosophical-professor who's-gonna-set-the-troubled- teen-on-the-right-track? It's a little trite, don't you think? Oh I mean, how many of us has that actually worked on? Not enough.
There's no shortage of brilliant kids just like yourself who are too stupid to get out of the 'hood.
And how do we usually respond? You tell me to fuck off.
Well, I guess you saved me the trouble.
Actually, no.
Fuck off.
Listen, I've got a class.
Why don't you take a peek inside here before you go? This is the robotics lab.
It is the best in the country.
Just, uh, poke around.
Come by anytime.
Wear a condom, Phillip.
Got any 8's? Go fish.
How about 4's? Got any 4's? Shit, it's only been 90 minutes.
You want some more coffee? Uh-uh.
I'm crawling out of my skin.
Well, I know another thing that might kill some time.
No.
No.
Have mercy on me.
I can't handle anything up my ass without alcohol.
Listen, we'll make it all be about you, okay? Come on.
Come on, sweetie.
Got any Slim Js in this shit hole? Yeah, in the back room.
Sure we can't help, Ethel? Hey, don't kick me 'cause you don't want to clean.
The carpet is fine.
I swiffered last week.
I just feel icky about this.
I mean, we're supposed to be taking care of her.
Not taking advantage of her.
You said it makes her happy when she cleans.
She's not our slave, V.
Do you see her picking cotton? All finished.
Can I help you with your chores now, Veronica? At my house, all the wives split the chores.
All the wives? You're one of five wives? Married to a dude named Clyde? Who's 65 years old? And how old are you? Oh, my I'm gonna bust your ass.
What's the total right now? Um, $7.
56.
Okay.
Okay keep going, or okay you want to pay? Keep going.
Excuse me.
Where's the bathroom? Uh, door to the left of the butcher.
Thanks.
Okay, baby, we're going.
Okay, your total is $18.
72.
Don't worry, honey, Mama's gonna change your diaper now.
How much without the diapers? Hang in there, Liam.
Oh, damn, did I forget your diapers? I do that all the time.
There you go.
Thanks.
We got it.
So Guess this was like a booty call, huh? Whatever.
See ya.
Maybe you're not attracted to me anymore.
Give-Give it a minute.
My hand.
I'm cramping up.
Use your mouth.
Okay.
He doesn't even know I'm here.
Sheils? You're not putting an IV in it.
Come out, come out, wherever you are.
It looks like a gummy worm.
I'm going for a jog.
Well, that's a nice idea, too.
Doing great, Frank.
Doing great.
Everything's fine.
You're gonna make it.
Oh! Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
It's been, uh, oh, 37 years since my last confession.
America, America, God shed his grace on thee.
Mars, Venus, Earth, Mercury, Jupiter Martians Pluto, Pluto Pluto? It's not even a goddamn planet anymore! It got demoted just like St.
Christopher.
Oh, God! Daddy? Debbie, what are you doing here? This is where I play after school.
It is? You okay, Daddy? Gave up the booze.
Not feeling too good.
Want some Hawaiian Punch? Mmm Mmm! So good.
Why's it so good? It's all sugar.
Can we get more of this? Mmm This is nice, isn't it, Deb, the two of just hanging out, getting to know each other? Yeah.
Why don't we do this more often? We should do this more often.
Want to snort the next batch? No.
What are we doing here? Seriously? From, uh, my vantage point, it looks like we're on the verge of fucking.
No, I mean, you and me.
What are we? What we've always been; friends.
Just friends? Yeah, you know friends who like to do this.
Right? Right.
I knew that.
I was just checking.
Oh, fuck.
You have a bedroom, Lip.
Yeah, says the girl who had sex on the stairs last night.
Hallway.
I stand corrected.
Kev and V are on their way over with meat sauce.
Is that a euphemism? I bought pasta.
They're bringing their foster kid over to play with Debs.
Paintball rocks! I had the best day of my life.
Did you wear a face guard? Nope.
Hey, hey! I want you guys to meet our new daughter.
Foster daughter.
Why you got to do that? Let me help you with that.
You weren't kidding about her.
I know.
Hi, I'm Karen.
Nice to meet you.
Oh, right, 'cause it's Frankie's home! Oh, my God, I am so wired.
Debs, what's going on? We got high on sugar, because Daddy quit drinking.
Whose daddy? Me daddy.
Me, me, me-me-me-me.
Shit.
What? He's done this once before.
We gotta help Daddy stay busy and keep his mind off of drinking, so he can make $3,000.
Hey, everybody, come here.
Gather round.
I've got something I want to say.
Um, I know I haven't been the most exemplary father for the past three or 15 years.
But now I'm gonna need your help to get through this.
From this point forward, we're going to be a family again.
What the hell is that? Ready, set, go! Spin, Ethel, two times! Under the shovel! You only spun you only spun her two times! Here comes Carl! Under the shovel! Hey! The piano.
I didn't know Frank played the piano.
Neither did I.
Just walk away, walk out the door Just turn around now 'Cause you're not welcome anymore Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with good-bye? Did you think I'd crumble? Did you think I'd lay down and die? Hey, hey, hey I can't believe you guys are buying into all his bullshit.
Come on.
I'll walk you home, Karen.
What difference does it make? He'll be drinking again by tomorrow, anyway.
No, not when money's involved.
Dang, what's wrong with cranky pants tonight? "Got caught up with something.
Check in with you tomorrow.
" That from Steve? Yeah.
He was acting weird this morning after "Candace" texted him.
Said he works with her.
Don't know if I believe him.
Okay, any requests? "Carry Me Home on the Cross?" Thanks for bringing dinner.
You supplied the spaghetti.
Yeah, with no sauce.
I'm hanging by a thread.
You're talking to someone who's renting a kid for money.
I gotta find something more permanent.
Like what? Could take a PowerPoint class.
Or Sticks and Skates may be hiring.
You mean, Dicks and Dates? Maybe Frank will stay sober and get the cash.
Maybe I'll win the lottery.
Hey, you think Steve's lying? Probably.
If I find out he is, I'm done with him.
Done with who? Steve.
He's getting text messages from some bitch named Candace.
Candace? Uh-oh, that sounds like a woman you have an affair with.
It does? It does? No! Please, that fool doesn't have enough game to cheat.
Did you ask him if he was? Yeah.
He said he wasn't.
Well, then you have two choices: believe him or don't.
Or you could let your suspicions grow until you turn into the ice queen and act like he's invisible until he starts sending anonymous threatening notes, and you have to report his ass to the po-po.
Who was that? Brian? Brian, Joey, Michael.
You know, Fi, every guy you've been with, you cut and run.
Maybe it's time you tried something new.
Damn, baby, that was good! Being a dad brings out the best in me.
You're not a dad.
We got a football game starting out on the street.
Shirts against skins.
Sweet.
Uh, you two are skins.
I have no idea what PowerPoint is, but you're smart.
I know you're gonna be great at it.
Hello? Anybody here? I'm home.
Hey, there he is.
Little brother! Flight from Detroit okay? Yeah, yeah, fine.
Yeah? How's school? Ah, piece of cake so far.
Well, that's what you get for going to Michigan instead of Harvard.
Oh! You set me up for that, huh? Huh? Huh? You didn't see that coming.
Sorry to drag you back to Chicago for all this.
Nah.
How's the practice? Busy.
Thank God for fast food and stress.
It's like a platinum Amex for cardiologists.
Hey, you.
Hey.
I missed you.
Mmm.
Thanks! We're all in the kitchen having tea.
Yeah, I'll be right there.
I'll tell your mother.
I mean, I got three fucking kids at home, and you're going balls-deep in that? Fucking killing me, Jimmy.
Welcome home.
First pub crawl I did was when I was 16.
Hit 22 pubs before I hurled.
Got right back on the horse.
Hit ten more.
Hurled again.
That's how I got the nickname "Boot and Rally.
" Cool! Anyone seen the laptop? What's going on in here? Daddy made us Mickey Mouse pancakes.
Are you serious? Mm-hmm.
What'd I tell you? Still not drinking till he gets his money.
If I ever drink again.
Right.
Java's my vice now.
Yeah, well, drunk or sober, you're still an asshole.
Lip! It's okay, Deb.
Everybody's got a right to his opinion.
That's what makes this country of ours so great.
You want orange juice? Ooh, yeah, yum.
Where'd you get all this stuff to make breakfast? Traded some old Hustler magazines with Rusty the Drunk.
He's working as a dishwasher at the Denny's over on West 95th Street.
You want some OJ? No.
Oh! Found it.
I'm taking this to the job center for a few hours.
Yeah, come on, Debs, Carl.
Grab your coats.
Told Kev we'd be over there in five minutes.
Does that weird girl have to come with us? Where you going? Bowling.
Lip knows a kid who can get us in for free.
Wanna come? No, Debs, I don't think he can Hey, I'd love to come! Just let me clean this place up first.
Okay? Excuse me? What? Clear the table.
Hey, the Gallaghers invited us to go bowling.
What are you doing? Veronica asked me to do her chores.
Said she would help me with mine next week.
No.
What? Put that down.
Put that down.
Look, I know the Bible says you get closer to God and crap if you sew the holes in my socks, but this is just wrong.
It's Saturday! And in my house, the way to get closer to God on Saturday is to play.
Is that in Ezekiel? Yeah, the updated version.
Now go change out of that Laura Ingalls dress.
Oh, yes, sir.
And don't call me "sir.
" We are gonna have so much fun! Yeah, it's open! Hey, Ethel, let's get a move on, huh? Holy fuck! I'm ready for you, sir.
What are you doing? Clyde usually had me on Tuesdays, but if you want me on Saturdays No, I don't want you on Saturdays, I don't want you, ever.
- Hey, Kev, we're all ready to - Whoa.
Uh No, Lip.
Lip, wait! No, you use "me" because it's the object of the preposition.
So it's "with Max and me?" Yep.
Sounds weird.
I'm telling you, it's right.
Douchebags.
Assface.
Gotta go to the bathroom.
Hold the handle down when you flush.
Okay.
Hey.
You want a pizza bagel? Sure.
Show of hands: how many of you know Word? Okay.
Microsoft Excel? All right, let's get started.
Gladys, can you get the lights? Open up the PowerPoint template, which can be found in your Microsoft Suite.
In the dialogue box, enter the title of your presentation.
Take a moment now to use the toolbar and experiment and size of your text I must warn you, I have bowled before.
Hey, you want to put some money on it? Just for fun.
That's what I'm talking about, yes! For you! For you! I love you! Yeah! Did you see that? Yeah! Go, Dad! Ho, I'm hot, ho, ho.
Look out.
Guys, don't get too used to this, okay? What? Well, Dad's not always going to be so nice.
Yes, he will.
No.
Not when he starts drinking again, okay? He'll go back to his old ways and I don't want you two getting hurt.
Hurt? All right, Deb, here's the spare! Yeah! Um, remember that turtle you had last summer? Walter? Yeah, yeah.
Walter.
And you guys were really, really into him for like, two weeks.
And you talked to him, and you fed him.
And you took him everywhere with you, right? But after a while, you know, you guys got busy with other things.
So Walter's water never got changed, and nobody fed him.
And like two months later, Debs, you wanted to show off Walter to your friend Susie.
And you guys started looking for him, and when you found him, he was all dried up and dead.
Now see, you guys are that turtle, okay? And Dad's you.
You get what I'm saying? Dad's buying us another turtle? No.
Uh, no, forget it.
Never mind.
Don't worry, Lip.
I get it.
Daddy's going to forget all about us when he starts drinking again.
It's okay.
I don't mind.
I'm going to enjoy this while it lasts, if that's okay.
Yeah, sure, Debs.
That's, um that's a good plan.
Took you long enough.
Yeah.
Your dad was in there forever.
Shove over, faggots.
Watch and learn.
"No worries.
" Okay.
That's, uh, 36 bucks.
I got it.
Keep the change, darling.
Thanks.
Whoo! Hey.
Sorry I'm late.
No biggie.
Good news.
Linda's done with me this month.
Oh, yeah? Maybe we could, um adjust the cameras, for old time's sake.
"Then I hear it "several pairs of feet breaking into a run.
"The firestarter must've dozed off.
"They're on her before she can escape, and I know" Any chance of you getting a job, now that you're sober? Shh! We're getting to the part where Katniss releases the tracker jackers that kill Glimmer.
Dinner in the kitchen, if you want.
"Then there's laughter, "and congratulations from several voices.
'Twelve down! Eleven to go!'" He I'm going out.
What's up? Hard day.
Why are you so upset with Dad? Fiona, we, uh we've been through this before, remember? Last time Dad was sober? Yeah? So? He, uh, he had a bet with some guy at the bar, and became the perfect dad.
I mean, it was the first time he ever came to one of my Little League games.
And uh, I hit a double.
I fucking never saw him so proud.
You knew he was going to go back to his regular shitty self.
No, that's, uh, that's the thing.
I didn't know.
Hi.
What are you doing? Well, I was, uh, I was going to go back, check out that lab.
You want to come? Okay.
Why didn't you just go to the front door? This seemed more romantic.
Plus, I didn't know if you were up there with someone.
Jason snuck out an hour ago.
Jason Pierce? Maybe.
He just showed me a Web site to steal music.
I'll be right down.
All right.
I'm not even in the mood, V.
What's up? You know what's up.
Is this about the kid? Yeah.
What now? You've made her do your chores.
And then you promised to do hers next week? So? You lied to her.
She's not even going to be here next week.
What's the big deal? She's a freak.
V, that girl needs us.
I mean, you heard that messed-up story of hers.
Not to mention, she thought I wanted to have sex with her today.
What? Yeah.
Sex.
A 13-year-old girl.
Who knows what crazy family she's going to get if we give her back? Kevin, we're not keeping her.
I think we should, until she gets a permanent home.
We can help her live like a normal child.
This is none of our business.
We signed on for it.
No.
You signed on for it.
I signed on for the money.
Where are you going? I'm sleeping on the couch.
Mom? What's wrong? Frank left.
No, he didn't.
He's at the Gallaghers'.
Because he's lost interest in me.
Lip says he'll be back to normal as soon as he starts drinking again.
Do you think so? I do.
What the hell is that? Dad, what the hell are you doing? Are you fucking kidding me?! Remodeling.
Son, grab that copper wire.
It's worth a lot of money these days.
No! Dad, stop! Why the fuck is our couch on the wall? We need a fresh start.
There's a gas line right there.
Oh.
All right.
Fine.
We'll start the demolition in the bathroom, kids.
Yeah! Last time, he ripped up the floorboards, remember? Shit.
Said he was gonna put in Saltillo tiles.
Of course, he never did.
Yeah, and I had to date that flooring guy for a month to get him to finish the work.
What are we gonna do? We have to kill the turtle.
Daddy and Carl are up in the attic getting ready to cut a hole in the roof for a skylight.
It's time to kill the turtle.
Now, Debs, you know that you guys were the turtle in my story, right? Oh.
Right.
That's okay.
I get what you're saying, though.
Thanks.
You sure about this? It'll hurt less now than if we wait two more weeks.
Okay.
What's up with the turtle? You wouldn't understand.
Daddy, help! I think I see a mouse! A mouse? Hold on.
I'll be right down.
Where is the little I thought the Taser didn't work.
Yeah.
I just told Carl that.
I took the batteries out.
All right.
Open his mouth.
No.
No! No.
No.
What happened? It's better this way, Carl.
You seen Kev? He went to play basketball.
Oh.
How about some breakfast? I make a mean French toast.
Come on.
Put the Brillo down.
Sit.
When I was a kid, my mother would make me and my brother anything we wanted for dinner on our birthday.
I always asked for French toast.
Hey.
Hey.
We're having French toast.
Cool.
I'm gonna go take a quick shower.
I'll be right back.
Could I ask a favor, please? Sure, sweetie.
If I'm going to be staying here for a while, would it be all right if my son Jonah came to visit? It is absolutely critical that as we move to get recovery back on track, that we commit to the American people that we're willing to get on a path to sustainability Just bracelet.
No bone.
Now, again, we propose to do that beginning I'm so sorry I've been MIA.
I just had to I didn't even notice.
Come on.
Tim Geithner's telling us how everything's okay.
Frank.
Fuck off.
And you're absolutely right.
We need to look very carefully at the impact of the overall tax burden on the American economy, and the effect that has on incentives for investment and savings and growth.
And that basic approach underpins the proposals we've made Are you drunk? That I am.