Sherlok Kholms (2013) s01e08 Episode Script

1 The diary of John Hamish Watson, doctor.
21th of May.
Pay for the coal.
Pick up the order from the pharmacy till Wednesday.
On Friday, Professor Challenger will be presenting, don't forget to book the seats, he might be an interesting character.
Write a foreword to the commemorative edition of the story book.
Something like: "How can an intelligent person survive in this unfair world.
" Think of the books' title.
My friend Sherlock Holmes.
Roger, beaten.
You think so? I can't see anything, - make the lamp brighter.
- No need, it's fine like this.
Count.
Well, that's it.
Now I only have to shoot myself.
Well, you can do one thing for me - and your debt will be forgotten.
- What? You are known to serve in the chancery of her Majesty, aren't you? What are you what are are you going mad?! This is impossible! And then he jumped on Moriarty and Good morning.
Good morning.
- And? And both of them fell into the raging waterfall.
How come you know all this? But Miss Westburry, the whole of London have been reading the Sherlock Holmes stories even three years before that.
Good morning.
Good morning.
- All of England! Never heard of him.
So, he was writing about his feats himself? Oh no, the author of the stories is his friend and helper Dr.
John Watson.
Good morning.
And I think, Mr.
West, that Sherlock Holmes never existed and this your Watson made it all up.
But Miss Westburry, it's impossible to make up.
Such accuracy, such observation, such I think, Mr.
West, that - Sorry in reality - Excuse me.
the real detective is Watson himself.
He's just too modest and was writing as - Miss Westeburry, just one minute, sorry.
- Mr.
West, where are you? I'm coming.
One minute.
Mr.
Johnson! Mr.
Johnson! Arthur? Story eight.
Baskerville hound.
Right at the most interesting part.
Do you know what dream I had? Well, tell it.
Who would come so early? Pearson of yours.
It's this of yours, what's his McCoy.
McCoy was here yesterday, remember? Try not to.
After him everything stinks with cigars, bring tea to him every time, whiskey.
Maybe they're gone? You open up and I will dress up and Huh, and I don't need to dress up? You only need just a robe on and that's it.
- What is this barrack-room habits! - Fine, alright.
I'll wake up! - I'll wake up, I will.
- Sit still.
Good morning, sir.
Good morning, Mrs.
This is Baker Street 221, is it? - B.
- 221 is much further.
Oh, so I'm right.
You are Dr.
Watson, right? - I told you it's yours.
- Yes.
Is this Mr.
Holmes' house? Yes, come in, come in.
You come in, do not be shy.
Sorry, we have it so simple, so to say, homely, it's just you are such an early visitor.
After you! Please come in here.
So, in front of us is, in fact, the room of Mr.
Sherlock Holmes.
It's his famous suit, well, you know.
Mr.
Sherlock Holmes was born in 1854 in a landlord's family, he got an excellent education as a biochemist.
He opened up his detective practice in 1878.
So all the things here belonged to Mr.
Sherlock Holmes himself and were quite treasured by him.
Here's, so to say, the books, instruments, yes.
The violin, gloves.
Here are the pipes and this is his bother Mycroft.
- Mr.
Watson, this is very interesting, but I how to phrase it I have another business.
A private one.
Yes-yes, yes, I understood, sorry.
Come in to my room, come in.
My name is Violet Westburry.
- It's not necessary.
So, um, what month? Month? Well, when you understood that, so to say Oh, today about eight in the morning.
Well, fine.
So, you come behind the curtain and change clothes.
The curtain? Why? Well, but how else? I'm.
sir, no, sir, you understood me wrong.
Mr.
West told me about you.
- West West - Do you know about Mr.
West's death? This is sad.
Well, what to do, the age the age.
He was just 23.
We were walking down Downing Street and there was a terrible fog.
Suddenly he went somewhere as if he disappeared and then I found him on the fish bazaar.
He was swimming in the aquarium.
On the fish bazaar in the aquarium? - Yes.
Extravagant.
- He was dead, sir, you understand? Dear, can you open up? - Yes! So so you came to me as to a detective? You know, the thing is, it's Holmes who was, so to say, the detective, and I'm doctor, I Let me in! I can't wait anymore, let me in! - Sorry.
- Watson! - Can you wait for a minute? - Watson! - One minute.
- Watson! - Inspector, you? - Dress up! - Wait, what did I do? - Let's go, doctor! - Let me - You? You didn't do anything, But now the whole England is suspected.
- Let me - Apart from the queen, of course.
I don't understand, what happened? - Let me A man named Arthur Cadogan West Yes, he drowned in the aquarium, so what? How do you know? We didn't write about it yet.
So, Holmes did teach you something after all.
The ministry insists me to bring you to this case! - Me? I I have nothing to do with it! - Exactly! - These pumped gobblers from Home Office went insane! Soon they will be brining opera singers to investigations! - Martha! - Holmes Are we familiar? - Mr.
Minister! - This this is not Sherlock, it's the brother.
So what, everyone is ready? Good.
Watson, you're going with us.
Where? I told you, to the crime scene, right, Mr.
Minister? - So alike - Yes.
Watson.
Inspector, so what were you saying about ministers? - Suspenders.
- Yes.
- Socks.
- Yes.
No, I'm not going anywhere, no, this is silly, I - No.
No-no-no, I'm not going anywhere, I'm not a detective.
You will go, and you will be searching, and you will find, because we can't live like this anymore.
Because our living is boring and gray, because we're starting to hate each other.
I couldn't stand Holmes and now I don't like my life, and you will fix it all.
Goddamit! Don't swear.
Holmes was swearing, and you're not Holmes yet.
Not Holmes yet.
Mr.
Watson! Thank you.
Excuse me, miss, he didn't forget about you.
He was urgently called.
Yes, I heard it all.
Do you think he will find the murderer? He will.
He absolutely will.
Go-go-go! Hold up the legs! Strange fad to swim in such weather.
So, here, head is here.
Mr.
Higgis! Lestrade, what's this? I think these are the documents, sir.
Let me Excuse me, sir, with all due respect, you've taken the evidence.
Sir, I say, these papers are the evidence.
I didn't take anything from you, understood? Understood.
- Higgis! - Yes, sir! You didn't find anything.
Yes, sir, right.
The head is crushed in two places, the second one was evidently after the death.
Someone really hated him.
Maybe a mistress? Then she must be way taller than me and have remarkable strength, because the blow was made from above and with great strength, but the mistress is small and thin.
You are better than Holmes.
How do you know about the mistress? She came to me this morning.
Damn, I absolutely refuse to work in such situation! Evidence is taken away, witnesses are hiding! Lestrade, work with the locals.
Ask them, maybe somebody saw something.
- Fish, can I load the fish? - I can't teach you! - Work with the locals! - Fish, fish, it will rot, the fish! I'll show you now the fish! Take him away! - Watson, come here for a minute.
- Yes, of course.
Excuse me, but Mycroft, maybe you can explain me what it all means? Arthur Cadogan West worked in the chancery of Her Majesty.
The disappeared papers come from there.
Sadly, not all of them.
Obviously the guy tried to sell them separately.
Can you tell If I tell you, you have to be killed.
So, the rest of the papers have to be given back before 25th.
But who would even need them? The most evil foe of England.
You have three days.
Inspector, excuse me - I didn't expect myself.
- Fine, doesn't matter, nobody had seen anything.
Familiar smell.
Can you tell I won't smell corpse's pants.
Creosote.
Oh, sorry, I remember now.
Creosote! - The guy was working with the rails? - A clerk.
He was a clerk.
- Good sir! - Come here! Can you - Come here! Coming, coming Can you tell us what way is used for transporting fish here? Here, it's creosote, creosote.
Well, from there he Unlikely.
If this guy jumped from a train into a fish cart, the whole street would see him.
And the fog? This morning the fog was very thick, they could've missed him.
Then maybe yes.
Then maybe no.
- But why? Because the guy's head was crushed twice and the second time was after his death and much later.
Yes, twice and later.
Could you tell, uh, blood? Was any blood washed away? What blood? There was no blood here.
I'm scared of blood.
I was even supposed to become a corpsman, more money, warm and alcohol, but I still refused because Quiet! Dead end.
No, there's no dead end, there's a sharp turn.
You can't build a dead end right after the turn, otherwise the driver would gape and - I said quiet! - Like a fly.
How come how comehow come but how cometwice The turn.
The turn, yes.
So, he jumped, so to say, at the turn Or fell out.
We had it once.
One drunken climbed up to a train's roof and Well, alright, let's say he fell out, but what's the difference? It doesn't work.
The dead end! I think we're doing some nonsense.
Everything is too complicated.
Well, yes, so to say, Sherlock is missing.
I will still say it, even though this gentleman forced me to be quiet, you can jump on a train's roof.
- How to jump how to jump on the roof? - Let's go, I'll show you, it's not far! Well, the picture is clear.
West sells, I can say it, right? - Sells, so to say, documents.
In the last second he feels ashamed and he jumps out of the window, and you know the rest.
Miss Westburry lost Arthur at Downing Street and it's a stone throw away from here.
You're free, the case is closed.
Oooh, if only it would be like that.
Finding the documents, giving them back? Well, it's nothing.
We will search through the whole house.
And what if he didn't sell them in this house? - The whole square will be searched.
- And how long would it take? Well, about two weeks, if it's done quickly.
Two weeks.
What'd you want to say, sir? But it's impossible to return the documents before 25th, it's Not a day later.
It's impossible! And what will happen at 25th? Didn't help? Just think what Holmes would've started with.
But how do I know what he would've started with? He was always walking around, searching, asking, and then bam! - and it's ready.
Well, you start with this.
With what? With asking.
You didn't even listen to Miss Violet.
What was Holmes saying? The devil is in the details.
Yep, he loved swearing.
Crazy theories of British scientists! Professor Challenger claims that human came from a monkey! - Crazy theories of British scientists! - Great view! Professor Challenger claims that the human came from a monkey! Yes, you always know the exact time.
He is the chancery's boss after all.
Introduce us to Mr.
Johnson.
Mycroft Holmes and John Watson.
Welcome, gentlemen, Mr.
Johnson is awaiting you.
Welcome, gentlemen, welcome.
This is just incredible, two celebrities like this in one visit.
Oh, don't, you're exaggerating.
Don't be shy, doctor, I've read all of your stories.
Come in, take a seat.
Cigars, whiskey, cognac? - Oh no-no-no.
I wouldn't mind a glass of scotch.
A beautiful view from the window.
It would be my pleasure to exchange this view to a small house somewhere in Yorkshire, but the duty obliges me.
I have to live up to the royal time.
- Oh, are you talking about Big Ben? - Ah? - Big Ben? - Yes-yes.
When the queen has her own astronomical watch, sometimes I think she will actually check them with Big Ben once.
Well, you know better.
- The sleeve.
- Thank you, there are repairs going on.
So, eh so, I'm listening to you, gentlemen, but I can guess that the business is about Arthur West? - Yes, you were his boss.
I was.
Please forgive me.
Well, you too understand me.
I mean, Shelock Holmes.
- Yep.
- Yep.
My god, what a nice young man he was.
Hard-working, honest, punctual.
I know you can't surprise a British with this feature, but Arthur was just and such a ridiculous death.
So, the documents have disappeared from the chancery.
Ah? Well, yes, and very important ones.
What documents they were? If I tell you, you have to be killed.
I'm joking of course, but it's a strict state secret.
I don't understand how he would go to such things.
I don't believe it.
Chop my head off, but I don't.
Well haven't' you noticed something strange in his actions for the last time? No, no.
His friends? Acquaintances? Ooh, what friends? His friends were a whole puncher and clips, a pen and ink.
He admired his job.
Yep, although Excuse me.
There was something the day before.
He almost forgot to sign in the register.
The register? Yes, in the very one there the document work is noted.
I was just shocked.
I was talking about his punctuality, and then The day before? Everything is clear.
Nothing is clear! He couldn't do it.
Arthur was the angel of the office! He was a hell of a scum.
He was reporting on his coworkers to the authority.
Nobody was friends with him, but how can you be friends with a person who is standing on all fours? All fours? So it's easier to lick the authority's ass.
Can you tell me if he really could steal and sell the documents? He was ready to sell his own mother.
He went on a Christmas party and made us to solve charades, charades, scum! So greedy as Gobseck, couldn't ask for a damn clip off him, he was counting all of them.
And generally, a dog gets a dog's death.
Well, I guess we should go.
Gentlemen, maybe drink a little? Oh no-no-no, thank you.
It's excellent.
But I will.
That Kerslake, what swill did he slip into me? Arrived.
Why did you drink so much? You're completely drunk.
Oh no, I'm generally sober.
Let me invite you to some coffee.
No need, I'll go by myself.
No excuses.
Please.
Please, please, I won't accept a refusal.
I'm really pleading you.
Careful, careful, careful.
Go! - Damn, damn! - Martha, coffee! With sugar? That's fine, that's fine.
- Mrs.
Hudson.
- We have a guest! I'm really ashamed.
We need very strong coffee.
Damn.
Sit down.
Fine.
Thank you, Martha.
Thank you, Mrs.
Hudson.
Sugar.
I'm really ashamed.
Sugar.
Damn tasty coffee, Mrs.
Hudson, thank you.
WellSo is it better now? Alright, now let's stand up.
- You think it's time? - That's fine, that's fine.
Yes-yes-yes.
It's time, it's time, it's time.
I just want to see how are you standing on your feet.
- Well, well.
- Oh well.
I'll help.
- Time is time.
- That's right, fine.
So.
Let me introduce you one more time, Martha.
Mr.
Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes! - But why do you think so? - Why do I think so? Why do I think that Mycroft is swearing like that? Mycroft is drinking like that? Who's drinking and swearing like this, Martha? Sherlock Holmes! And your moustache came off.
Yes, it indeed came off.
I recognised you from the start.
A lady's heart.
Martha, I'm pleading you, I'm pleading you, do not faint, not now.
- But I asked you.
- Why so cruel? I just hate you.
What is it so hateful hate! - about me? I hate your arrogance, haughtiness of yours, your constant filthy antics posed as paradoxicality of thinking, as you say! And this horrendous cruelty of yours, almost childish, stinky liberalism, and I'm not even talking about the treatment of a woman, this I can just put behind the brackets.
And after all this he is still managing to be always right, always right, always.
I didn't break your neck the first day only because only because you are right, understand? That's why I was always hanging on you.
You were hanging on me only because I allowed you to do so.
Oh really? Give the water back.
- Of course.
I allowed - Give the water back I said.
because I saw the honest curiosity in life in you, the desire to help people! Three years, Sherlock.
Three years, Sherlock, you were using me for three fine with me, but Martha.
Why Martha, huh? This is disgusting, disgusting, understand? Fine-fine.
Sorry for staying alive! Do not hit by palm.
Stupid moustache! I did show you how.
I'm so fed up of it.
This your soulful scene where I act like a whipping boy for some reason! Get out of my house! Oh! A hero! - What? - "Your house"! It's the same yours as mine! But I will leave, I will, - but give me some water! - Don't touch! You know why I got drunk, Mrs.
Hudson? Because I'm weaned.
- What weaned? - Your martenitism - What are you saying? And with a lady's sentimentality above all.
Get - with a lady's exactly, not with love for people.
- Sorry.
- Get out! I'm weaned of your stupid short sight and your insipidity! - Get out! No, it's impossible.
- Both be quiet! Is this all you can say to each other after three years of separation? What separation? We buried him! We made a somewhat sanctum off him, we prayed to him and he was just hiding, just it's just vile.
Moriarty is alive.
What? That's it.
Your time is up.
Remember I told you not wait for thunder and lightning? I was joking.
Sherlock! I lived is Switzerland for a year, was grazing sheep.
- Such a headache.
- Now.
But I learned how to distinguish between kinds of wool.
Thank you Mrs.
Hudson.
Well, I'm going to my room.
- Of course.
- Holmes, Holmes, eeh - ehh maybe - By the way, you know, wool can be fabric, knitwear, can be a felt.
A felt is also produced by different ways, for example extrusion through filiere like spunbond.
Staple got by a calendering thermal bonding and hydro-entanglement spunlace.
This is a thread of tweed from the late Arthur West's jacket.
Tweed.
It means that the guy Sorry, I'm going to my room.
Of course, of course, Mr.
Holmes.
It's not cleaned there, Holmes, maybe eh I forgot about the museum.
What's this? How quickly history can be mistold.
And what, are there visitors? - Weeell, now there are less, of course.
- Were there many? They were interested.
In the name of the queen, open up! Les Lestrade! - Lestrade! Give me the cylinder! - Open up! The police! - Open.
- Good day, inspector.
- Oh, inspector.
Eeeh, sadly, I don't have any news yet.
- But I have.
Johnson is killed, and you with Mr.
Mycroft Holmes were the last ones to see him alive.
Mrs.
Hudson, close the door and don't open to anybody.
Inspector, let's go! Nobody heard the shot.
Nobody from strangers went to the house, except for you, of course, but the guard said that he saw Johnson alive even after you.
Well, you know, somebody was shooting from the balcony.
Are you seeing any balcony here? - Let's go! - Well, I was figuratively - Is everything alright? - Yes, sir! Five to five Mr.
Johnson rang in the bell and asked for newspapers with the horse racing results.
I always bring tea and close the windows in the office at five, it's a tradition, Mr.
Johnson is very punctual and when Big Ben sounded I brought tea to Mr.
Johnson, and then I walked in to the office he was already dead.
Maybe he shot himself.
- Where's the weapon then? - Oh no, he didn't.
There is no burning smell and gunpowder, and generally he didn't take a weapon into his hand for about two or three days.
Maybe it came out the window? Well, I saw accurate shooters, I myself shoot quite good, but here it's about 800 yards to the nearest decent shooting place.
But the most important, gentlemen, is not how he was killed, but why.
This is actually the easiest.
Charles Johnson was killed because it was exactly him who stole and sold the documents.
And now, gentlemen, excuse us, I need to go.
Watson, you're with me.
Cab! You didn't want to listen to me about woolen cloth I wanted to tell you that the thread on the windowsill was from Arthur West's jacket.
Poor guy was thrown out while he was already dead.
And how did you conclude all this from one thread? If a person would want to commit suicide he couldn't climb to the windowsill, he would stand on it and Here it's clear that his lifeless body was dragged there.
Why lifeless? You as a doctor had to notice that there was little blood.
Fine then, why do you think that it was exactly Johnson stealing the documents? It's just the outcome.
Quick! Can we go quicker? Three people had access to the documents: West, Kerslake and Johnson.
Then it might be Kerslake - Why? - Well He has enough for drinks, he drinks hooch.
But Johnson has passion, passion for nice things, for cigars, whiskey.
He didn't buy it yesterday.
And his main passion is cards.
Have you noticed any signs of repair in his house? There was no repair, the stain on his sleeve is the stain from the playing table where bets are written in chalk.
This man played, is playing, and will be playing.
He loses thousands.
How clever he was to make up this story about Arthur's disorganization, like he forgot to sign in the register.
Mr.
Johnson! Mr.
Johnson, what are you doing? - Hide - Who are these people? Arthur, how did you how.
- Who are these people? No, these are our people, it's not what you think, it's just I'll explain.
You.
- I'll explain! Nobody should see them, gentlemen, you understand? Nobody.
It's forbidden to read them.
And if somebody does, then what? Then he has to be killed.
- What are - He proposed it himself.
What you you what have you done?! You've killed him! And if you're going to yell, you will follow him.
No-no-no I paid you off, here are the documents, that's it.
- And the plan? - And the plan's here.
Here it is.
I'm leaving, and I've never been here.
Stop, I won't be dragging the body by myself.
And I can't, I'm scared.
What are you doing? This is silly, he would never do it.
But you could.
- No, I don't wantů oh, but I - Take him My god.
Everything is so simple.
So the murder happened in the house over rails? Pretty much yes.
- Then we're going the wrong way - No, we're going the right way.
Stop! Maybe now can you tell me to whom are we rushing so bad? - You to whom? - To Irene Adler.
- She's not home.
- Oh god.
When she'll come back? - I think not soon - Do you know where she went? A few minutes ago she went to that square.
Good night.
Sherlock, I understand everything.
Love fever.
- Three years, yes, but why - We need to hurry, John.
Irene! - I knew, I found you.
- Sherlock, you're in time.
You're in time, dear.
I know.
I found you.
- I knew you will be in time.
- I was so afraid he would deceive me.
- Who? I was looking for you for so long.
I was Cold.
- What is it? Cold.
Irene? Watson! Watson, what's with her? There's blood.
I'm so happy you came.
I'm happy.
Careful.
I don't understand where's the wound.
- What happened? - Hold under the shoulders.
- My dear.
- What happened? Irene, look at me.
What happened? Can you see me? Close your eyes.
- Take your hand off.
This photograph.
It's because of the photograph.
What photograph? - Because of the photograph.
What photograph? Look at me.
Watson, what? Look at me! Look.
Yes.
- Can you see me? What photograph? Watson, what? Why are just standing here, why standing, Watson? She needs to be taken to the hospital, go away, go away.
Holmes.
Holmes, I Wait for a bit, it's really near, really.
About 20-25 steps from here.
- Look at me.
- Holmes! Let me count the steps out loud.
Look at me! 24, 23, 22, 21.
Holmes! - 20.
Look at me! Look at me! 19.
Look at me! - Holmes! - 18.
17 16, 15, 14, 13.
I was late.
John.
I'm pleading you, never write about her.
Do you hear me? Yes.
Never.
God knows what I've thought now.
It's not your instrument, better the violin.
My god.
Thank you.
And actually don't borrow it without the permission to.
Mrs.
Hudson, make some tea for us.
- Maybe.
- Tea.
Three years, I was following him three years.
And only a month ago I found his trail.
He's back.
And he knows that I'm back.
Whom are you about? 700 yards, John.
700 yards.
This pipe disappeared about a year ago.
I thought somebody from the visitors stole it.
Well, why stole? It's written "Sherlock Holmes' pipes" there.
- Plus you quit two years ago.
- Two and a half.
700 yards.
John.
Well, there's the ruler in Holmes' room now? 740 yards from Johnson's house.
Irene.
I didn't hear the gun shooting.
Meaning it's not excluded that What do you think, John, is there a weapon existing that fires from such distance? Mr.
Holmes, if you are renewing the renting of the room, I would like to discuss some details with you.
Let's go.
That drunken Kerslake was so right.
I hate charades so much.
- Show it! - Don't kill me! What one second, sorry What a paradox, John.
People who are making weapons are afraid of death more than others.
But Mr.
Holmes, I'm pleading you, don't kill me.
I didn't know it was against you! Have you ever thought against whom? John, keep at gunpoint.
If something happens, shoot him right in the forehead! I'll show, I'll immediately show you everything.
It's here.
Here, please.
It's his order? John, look, what can you say? - Have you seen something like this? - Is it a telescope? No, no, it's a rangefinder.
- Rangefinder.
Shortly, it's almost a telescope, but another one.
- What's the sighting range? - 1000 yards.
- What? - 800 exactly.
Huh, John, right from the Big Ben.
This thing.
What is this? That's this too big for a trigger.
I don't know why the client needs this, but the shot goes off by the clock.
Now this is interesting.
This is interesting.
800 yards of sighting range.
What's the bullet's distance range? Mr.
Holmes, please, I'm just a very good master that tries to do the job well that what what are you doing? 1500 yards.
After this the bullet loses its lethal force.
All's clear.
Let's go, John.
Clear? What's clear? Before her death Irene was saying that it all happened because of the photograph.
The sailor Tom Taylor was saying the same.
- It's all because of the photograph.
- What photograph? What photograph? Did you save my archive? Where is it? - Ah, ah, yes, it - Mr.
Holmes! You are sure a big shot, but look, you're disturbing us.
- Good day.
- And you, Watson.
Do you want to go the slammer? What happened, inspector? It's me who wanted to ask you.
How did you appear there earlier than the firemen and I? Mr.
Holmes, Mr.
Holmes! You ordered me to deliver this letter personally to Mr.
Lestrade at Scotland Yard, but if he's already here, then Yes, sure.
Breath.
Mr.
Holmes, it says that tomorrow at 7am I should bring the best people and await further instructions.
What does it mean? Mr.
Holmes, you're urgently awaited in the ministry, urgently, Mr.
Holmes.
It means, Lestrade, that tomorrow at 7am you call your best people and await further instructions.
Let's go, Watson.
- Mr.
Holmes Oh yes, this was also found in the aquarium.
Does it mean something? Mr.
Holmes! Go! Where will the exchange be held? The criminals demand that we go on a train to Dublin.
At 11 o'clock.
- Also they're demanding 2 million pounds.
- For the papers? It's sad, but I think you have to pay.
We won't pay.
The treasury doesn't have the money.
- Funny.
All of it is painfully funny.
- What's funny about that? All this speech that everyone knows by heart, it's a tradition every year to name hostages as if somebody really wants to kill the queen, and still everybody knows that exactly at midday she walks out of the parliament building, everyone starts greeting her, waving, applauding.
Treat it, Sherlock, as the duty of eating porridge every morning.
I don't need such a tradition, I don't eat porridge.
Porridge.
Tradition.
Tradition, tradition, gentlemen, is at least unshakable in your country.
Believe me, soon after losing their traditions, many countries will try to rebuild them again with pain and blood, but at least we have it.
We have the foundation on which we can have life.
These treasures hold the government, and life, and the world in general.
Mycroft, we're all reliable here.
Tell me, how many times have you pledged and repledged our tradition? You had to be destroyed as a cynical foe of the government.
You know, doctor, which documents disappeared from the chancery? These are mortgages, aren't they, Mycroft? The thing that the treasury never has is money, and a new tradition appears to pledge the crown.
I think it was pledged no less than three times.
- Five.
- Five! Five! It can't be.
Moneylenders are decently loyal people, and have pretty good interests.
Very big interests.
And now all of these priceless, truly, let's be honest, shameful papers disappeared.
That's what your traditions cost, Watson.
Yes.
If you babble this out even in a dream, you'd have to be killed.
But you won't give away the crown.
What other papers have disappeared? - Not very serious ones.
- Which ones? The plan of the square in front of the Buckingham palace during the celebration.
The plan? Why, you can buy it from any corner.
This is a very detailed and accurate plan.
The queen will be killed tomorrow from the Big Ben.
Don't talk nonsense, it's impossible.
There are more than 1000 yards from Big Ben to Buckingham palace, there's no weapon that fires that far.
But if there is, then there's a tree.
There's an oak growing that blocks the view to the Big Ben from that balcony.
We've checked.
So, tomorrow at 6am at Scotland Yard, please don't be late.
Lend me your watch, Mycroft.
I'll give it back tomorrow.
Why do you need my watch? Sorry.
For three years it has been clean and tidy, but now you're back, Mr.
Holmes, and everything will be the same again.
Look under the bed.
Found it.
What did we find? The curious reader can't wait to see what happens next? Yes.
He waits for Sherlock Holmes to come, to stretch in his chair, sort everything out and elegantly pull a rabbit out of a hat.
Yes.
And could the reader think of everything himself? He saw everything I saw and he knows everything I know.
What was the admiral, admiral Wilson studying? Admiral what? What? Read it.
- Ballistics.
- Yes, he was studying ballistics.
All your calculations were based on having all the information: Height, speed, distance, etc.
Read, read the book.
- All of it? - I did.
- It's a year and I - Read the title.
"Increasing sighting range with the help of mathematical calculations or how to reach the target out of sight.
" Yes.
Tomorrow at 12 with the first toll the queen will walk on the balcony, at 11 the best policemen will take a train and go to Glasgow.
Glasgow? The place where the exchange will be held.
- That's right, 1300 yards - 1300, that's right So what, now let's see who will be smarter: The reader, Sherlock Holmes or Damn, so so uncomfortable.
We meet at Lestrade's tomorrow at Scotland Yard at 6am.
- Yes.
- Please do not be late.
- Take a gun with you.
- Of course.
At night lock the door and don't let anyone in.
- No one.
- No matter who it is.
Yes.
Even if it's me.
Exactly at midday she walks out the parliamentary building.
The shot goes off by the clock.
There are more than 1000 yards from Big Ben to Buckingham palace, there's no weapon that fires that far 1500 yards.
There's an oak growing that blocks the view to the Big Ben from that balcony.
Read the title.
"Increasing the sighting range with the help of mathematical calculations or or how to reach the target out of sight" Check the watch, gentlemen.
I'll give the word to minister sir Mycroft Holmes.
Good morning, sir! So, gentlemen, you were chosen from the policemen as the most responsible and skillful ones.
I serve Her Majesty, sir! Please do not interrupt me until the end of my message.
You have a secret and quiet responsible task.
A sort of criminal decided to blackmail the government and the queen of Britain.
Your task is to dress in civilian clothes and to listen very carefully carefully to all of inspector Lestrade's orders.
In your turn, inspector, you have to follow my orders.
The operation will be held in a train.
- 15 minutes for preparation.
- Thank you, sir.
So, go dress as civilians, if I can see a bobby in anyone I will fire you without a pension.
Look at my mouth.
- Take all my orders.
Clear? - Yes, sir! Go! Quick! I was sorry doing calculations of our common friend.
- Doctor, dear, I will surely listen to you, but after everything is over.
Lestrade.
- I understand, I just I need one of your most reliable people.
- Higgis.
- Yes, sir! - Hold it, Higgis.
- Mr.
Holmes! - Keep an eye on it.
- Mr.
Holmes, answer the telephone.
Wait for me here, wait here! So, where's the carriage? Where's Higgis? And Watson? With all my respect, sir, this is a shame for police to have a deal with a criminal.
We're saving the Empire's honour.
Let it calm you down.
- Go along the wagons.
- Yes.
Smith, Byron, Owen, Cosing, come to me! Idiot.
It's a secret operation.
Everything's alright, sir, the train departed on time.
Wonderful, Mortimer, we can go.
So what, doctor? Let me look at your calculations.
Aren't we going all together, Mr.
Holmes? These are not exactly mine, they're of our common friend.
Mr.
Higgis, we're going to another side and your task is to keep an eye on the baggage.
So what, doctor, it can be interesting, so to say, for your readers.
Looks interesting and plausible.
Print the story, Holmes would be pleased.
Sir, there's traffic on the bridge.
What do we do? Gentlemen, now we're going on foot.
Mortimer, you know the rest.
Mr.
Holmes, where are we going? Mr.
Watson just had a great idea.
It's not far, about 25 minutes brisk walk.
Mr.
Watson, go behind Higgis, he carries a valuable cargo.
A headdress of Her Majesty after all.
Buckingham palace.
Now we will test, John, how attentive your readers are.
Higgis, have you read Mr.
Watson's stories? No, sir, I didn't.
Can you imagine, one of the Mr.
Watson's fans sent an interesting plot about a murder of Her Majesty right at her birthday.
The murderer would hide on Big Ben and exactly at 12 he'd shoot the queen.
What do you think, Mr.
Higgis? The rifle is much higher, Mr.
Holmes.
You don't have time.
Three minutes left.
Stop it.
Listen to Professor Challenger.
He claims that humanity came from the monkeys.
What do you think, Mr.
Holmes? I'm sure the humanity seeks to submit to the horrible idea of becoming monkeys.
It's easy that way.
Simple actions, primitive thoughts, primitive feelings, animal desires.
A human wants to look like a monkey.
- With the first bell? - Yes, Mr.
Holmes.
You can't stop the shot.
Only the clock can be stopped.
How much time is left? Two minutes.
I checked it one hour ago while installing.
It's not even a rifle, Mr.
Holmes, this is my best invention and she didn't like it.
After a minute and a half she will die and nothing can be changed, Mr.
Holmes.
I'm a mathematician, Mr.
Holmes, the future is up to the ones like me, the people in glasses.
And you only can shoot me, but you're too honest, Mr.
Holmes, you can't calmly kill a person.
By the way, it's me who gave her this gun.
Right now I wouldn't bet a half a penny for the queen's life! Imagine what cries are there now! "The queen is killed! The queen is killed!" Their cry, Holmes, are my applause.
Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday Victoria! Happy birthday to you! But I did bet a half a penny for the queen's life.
And this is my applause.
You're right, the future is up to foureyes! Professor, let's go.
John! Scared? Not at all.
You did it? Saved the queen? Sounds so romantic.
She wasn't in any danger.
What? You know how much can a halfpenny coin mean? If placed on the pendulum, it speeds up its pace by exactly one second every hour.
That way it corrects the time.
You know what is the standard for the whole England, and according to which clock every Englishman sets his time? Big Ben.
Her Majesty's clock.
Let's go, I'll tell you the story in detail, let's go.
Mr.
Holmes, what does it mean, explain.
Somebody was shooting in the Big Ben building, then suddenly this person fell off there.
From where? There.
Who is he? Can you tell? - I don't know him.
- Why did you shave? A half an hour ago you had a beard and moustache.
Tracey - Gentlemen.
- Who's this? - Sherlock.
- Sherlock? Good day, Mycroft.
But he's dead.
Well, it's a bit exaggerated.
- Sherlock, I'll kill you! - Mr.
Lestrade! Sir, sir.
Everyone, scatter! Where's Higgis? So, we're almost been fooled, to be exact, we were.
Can you imagine, we took the ride for nothing.
I'm asking where's Higgis - Higgis died on duty.
Let's go, John, we have another business to do.
- Miss Violet Westburry.
- Good day.
Mr.
Sherlock Holmes.
But you died in the waterfall.
Fell into the abyss.
No, I'm not dead, I'm alive.
Want to touch me? No-no, I believe you.
Dear Miss Westburry, Arthur Cadogan West died, died as a hero.
You should be proud of him.
Yes-yes I'm proud.
His murderer was found and got what he deserved.
- Don't, please don't.
It was found in Arthur's pocket.
Obviously he wanted to give it to you.
Let's go home? Mr.
Watson, Mr.
Holmes, you're late for lunch.
I've heated the kidney pie two times already.
If you are going to be this punctual next time, you will be eating cold food.
Mr.
Holmes! Mr.
Holmes, I imagined you exactly like that.
Everyone to the wall! I miss small flats.
You can't imagine how oppressive big halls are.
Mr.
Holmes, today at my birthday, I decided to make myself a small gift to personally acknowledge the person whose adventures I have read for the past years.
Bravo, Dr.
Watson, bravo.
My brother Mycroft said that according to the schedule you should be.
Mycroft? Mycroft Holmes.
He serves you.
A hundred years will pass and everyone will be forgotten, but not him.
And of course you.
I can't remember him.
Mr.
Holmes, I know you like to dig in everything till the very core.
I think it will be interesting for you.
Take a look.
It explains a lot.
I've been thinking hard how to thank the person who was so invaluable to Britain.
Reward you? Well, Lestrade will get it, he needs it more.
To knight you? I thought so.
My courtiers need titles.
I don't want to offend you with money.
You know what, Mr.
Holmes? I want to give you my favorite dog.
Love her.
What's her name? She was named after my court huntsman Baskerville.
Good bye, Mr.
Holmes, Mr.
Watson, Mrs.
Hudson.
Your Majesty, people say it's a bad omen to gift pets.
You have to give at least a coin back.
Back up! Everyone go away! What was in the folder? File on Moriarty? I can't tell you.
It's a royal secret.
Let it be the secret for the readers.
Damn, I better give Baskerville to you and Mrs.
Hudson.
Listen, why do we need her, I don't like dogs.
But now when you are going to walk together across Baker Street nobody would say that there comes the Hudson widow and her doctor.
I'm a writer.
You know, Holmes, I think I'll call my first story book "My friend Sherlock Holmes.
".
Name it whatever you wish.
Especially when these stories are all lies anyway.
My friend Sherlock Holmes.
Thank you for staying with us till the end.
The reason why we were doing it and why we are still doing it was because of you.