Sin City Saints (2015) s01e08 Episode Script

Uh-huh? Isn't that beautiful? No, No? This is my Eden, This is my Shangri-La, This is my Camelot, Try empty lot, This is the site, for the brand new Saints Arena, Look, where you're standing, you're on the floor, Court side seats, right here baby, All the way down, Artuck banging, getting rebounds, LDP driving the lane, Billy Crane, for three, Oh, it's pretty, I can't wait to get back to New York, I, You know, you should get your own life, bud, All you do is follow Dusty around, No I don't, I'm my own man, You're holding her purse, It oh, no, no, no, This is, it's my mask, I'm gonna call it the Jake Dome, You blew off public funding Jake, So what, I'm gonna fund this whole thing myself, I am going all in, Isn't that a little risky? Everything I do is risky, I didn't get to where I'm today, by playing it safe, Anyway, you're exactly the same with Jake, You know, you spend all day on the phone, getting his dinner reservations, getting him his fresh change of trousers, Yeah, well I use to be somebody in this city, You know, grown men would shit their trousers, when I walked in to a room, I did things to those men that made them scream, You really have faith in the team? I have faith in us, In us, us who? Me and you, Look, this top corner right here, that can be your whole office facing this strip, You and Wade can get mani-pedis, and listen to Katy Perry all day long, I'm out of here after this season, No, stay and help me run this team, As what? President, No, I'm President and owner, so that can't happen, But, you can be my first lady, Come on, first ladies are bullshit, I think you owe Eleanor Roosevelt, an apology for that, She did a fantastic job, Come on, we'd make a great team, Make it President, and then I'll consider staying, Come on, you came to Vegas and you won, no one does that, What did I win? What did you win? What did we win? Yeah, Look what we won, look, look, This is what we won, we won all this, This is what we won, The Saints have won five in a row despite the fact that LeDarius Pope, has not yet found his forms since coming back, If they win their last game, they'll nab the eighth seed in the west, Hey, you all right? Yeah, fine, why? You only have one shoe on, Oh, damn, LDP, I believe in you more than I believe in the morning after pill, But, I've noticed ever since you've been back you've been off your game, Look at me, You've been crying? Yes, Everything reminds me of me and Mrs, Wu, The other day I saw a chihuahua having sex with a Great Dane, I just burst into tears, That's gross, I can't eat or sleep, When, no, you're imperious to Phillies, No, the word's impervious, No, that's my cousin's name, Okay, impervious, Imperious, Maybe you're right, I just, I don't think I've ever fallen for anyone, or anything ever, really, If you were back with Mrs, Wu, would that make you happy? Would you play like the old LDP, the one that made me question my sexual orientation? I don't know what, I'm not, I don't mean that, What I'm trying to say is screw your mom, No, Forget your mom, Screw Mrs, Wu, Just follow your heart, man, Don't let your mom find out, But, you know, do it secretively, Get that Wu Tang, player, We never had this conversation, Bro code? Okay, I love you, Put your shoe on, I know, God, Hey, Jesus, you always sneak up on me, Mommy liked a quiet boy, There's something you need to see, It's Manny, and it looks like he works here, Please tell me he doesn't work here, He is our new intern, I I almost didn't recognize him, as he has turned 18 since you slept with him, Guess I should get him something for his birthday? Mm-hm, How did he get hired? I have a 1,8 GPA, and I love watching TV, To spend, Let me take you on a tour of the candy shop, Welcome to the Saints, I'm gonna go talk to him, Oh, no, Just to cover my ass, In case he's planning any legal action, I'm sure you can outsmart a 12th grader, You're right, I can totally do this, I'm a mature adult, Exactly, although don't say yes to prom, Just, you know, keep your options open, Shut up Wade, Hey Manny, Hey, Hey, Listen, I just wanted to come tell you, you know, that this doesn't have to be a weird thing, You and me, me and you, This, Okay, Because, I mean we're both professionals just passing in the night, Hallway, Two, two ships passing in the hallway, Two professional ships passing in the hallway of life, Are you okay? Yeah, Yeah, I just, Ooh! It's just so hot in here, Just so hot I keep telling the maintenance guys, fix the heat, fix the heat and they never do, Anyway, so I might be team president, If I want, Do you like Audi's? Cuz I can get you a-, Hey, good to have you on board, Hey, Looking forward to seeing you at the deposition, Oh, deposition, They're fun, They're great, You're going to love it, And the Saints win the game, Owner Jake Tallis and his first lady Dusty Houfeter are about to make love at midcourt, Get the mop, boys, What are you doing? Nothing, Depends on how long you've been standing there, I have a minor problem with one of the interns, Okay, wh- Dusty's here to see you, Thanks, Sapphire, Also Dave Preston from Matterhorn called, and said to tell you the blue duck is down by the lake, I love ducks, What is she talking about? The blue duck is down by the lake is a code that Preston and I use when Matterhorn stock is about to drop, Sapphire? Yeah? What's Matterhorn stock at? It says 48 a share, Thank you, God, Okay, I need to sell fast, Am I witnessing insider trading? No, I'm a board member, My CEO has just given me information not available to outsiders, I am-, I am witnessing insider trading, I'm also a witness, Sapphire, we're You can't, Why? You could go to jail, I could go to jail, Please, Those candy ass Club Fed prions they send you to, my buddy went there for a white collar crime, and walked out with a degree in history and a PGA tour card, He's on the mini tour right now, It's Tellus get me Levine, No, no, don't, It's not insider trading if you really, really need it, What, that's crazy, What are you talk, Give me the phone, Get off of me, what are you doing? Give me the phone, Give me the phone! You don't understand, all my liquidity is in Matterhorn stock, Oh, it's, it's at 30, Oh shit! 15, No, Four, No, come on, Three, Big O, Without it I'm worth nothing, I'm worth nothing, Rumors are flying that Internet billionaire, Jake Tellus, may be forced to sell the Sin City Saints, Matterhorn stock went into a free fall when a mount of a GPS, Artok, let me try that jerky, So this is wild boar? That's pretty tender, I sneak up on the boar and they never see me coming, Then I do it, We're still talking about hunting, right? Man, stop talking about boars and jerk, Everyone's saying Jake is gonna have to sell the team, Sam, you're the coach, do something, Relax, LDP, It's Jake, Motherfucker lands on his feet, Try some wild pig, All right, I'm here, Jake is here to answer all questions, Thank you Kev I just said that, I know, I want to give you a little intro, Thanks all right buddy, All right listen up, Despite what you've been hearing, I, We are going to be fine, There is nothing that could ever make me leave you guys, How could I? You know, I would miss white Kenny's ill timed laughter, Artok's disturbing tales of home, Woo's insatiable love of psychedelics, or LDP's beautiful singing voice in the shower, And what's that smell in the air? Why it's Billy Krane, walking with a fresh tray of sesame seed buns down the hallway, You're my children, You're my family, You princes of Maine, you kings of New England! Zederhaus rules! It's from our book club, Yeah, you don't read, white Kenny, I love you anyway, I will never sell, Do you understand me? If the league wants me out, they're gonna have to pry this team from my cold dead hands, All right Jake, Artok, Artok, No crossbows in the locker room, It is not loaded, I know but every time, Oh wait, but my shotgun is, Okay, I'm going to hold onto these for awhile, I have an arsenal in my Prius, This better be important, I'm in the middle of a serious work thing, Manny's Facebook page, status, in a relationship, Huh, oh no, he thinks I'm his girlfriend, that's so sad, Yeah, that's the sad part of you sleeping with a child, Would you like me to handle it? You got me out of my 24 Hour Fitness contract, I fell like I owe you, Yeah, please do, but let him down easy, I'm his first love, You know, who knows if he'll ever get over me? Wow, who knows if you'll ever get over yourself? Weird, I thought you were already in your office, Hello Jake, We paid you to disappear, This is a terrible day, I bet you're wondering why I'm back from Thailand, No, we're not, we just wanna know what you want, I have this whole build up planned, It's been a long day, we haven't eaten for a while, My blood sugar's very low, Yeah, I'm thinking Chinese, No, no, we said salads, All right, guys, guys, I'll cut to the heart of the matter, I need another million dollars, What? How did you burn through the million dollars we already gave you like-, Two months ago, I thought I would be smart with it and I invested it all in Matterhorn stock, I'm Matterhorn, you dummy, So if you have no money, what do you think I have? You're broke? Yes, I'm broke, Well, you better figure something out, cause if you're not gonna pay me to keep quiet, the press will pay me to talk, Can you just handle him? I'll handle him, For good this time, Sapphire, do you validate? Manuel, Manuel, I have a very delicate matter to discuss with you, I believe that you and my employer were intimate a few months ago? Yeah, that business lady, she said she might be team president, Oh, her a president, you an intern, That'll, anyhow you did share a fleeting moment together, and I just need to ensure that there will be no repercussions, It wasn't fleeting, I'm on anti-anxiety meds, so it takes me like forever, Oh, what is, do you know the name of that drug, by chance? Would-, Babe this is my girlfriend, Megan, You're that sad old lady's man-bitch, Oh, what a charming young lady, Wha, where did you go to finishing school? You tell that thirsty ancient whore that if she doesn't step off my Manny's dick, she's gonna be in trouble, First with my fist, and then with the law, I will relay that delicate message, Does the whole family sell pencils from a cup? Oh, look at Mr, Smarty with his stupid accent, It's not even from central London, That's some Birmingham shit, Yeah, service industry's first power couple, You are not calling me stupid, Well I don't, hey, I'm trained, I'm trained, Hey, hey, hey, hey, That would be a hate crime, No, no, Nana, you're not gonna have to move out of assisted living, Well, you tell those old bats that I said you'd better be able to play bingo, I'll come down there, Okay, No, the checks will keep arriving, I promise, All right, I love ya, bye, Pretty rough, huh? Yeah, just me looking out the window deciding what building to jump out of, Just my luck, I live in the only city in the world where the windows don't open, Well, that's why I'm here, You're gonna help me kill myself? Great, Grab rope and lube and I'll go out Michael Hutchens style, No, Come here, I wanna show you something, It's a secret list the league has of really rich foreigners who desperately wanna buy into a team, but they would never be approved as majority owners, Yeah, but I don't wanna sell, so-, Yeah, but you can sell them a minority stake, and they could be a silent partner, Really? Mind you, they're not the most upstanding citizens, but-, There's a lot of bin Ladens on there, And Bashar al-Assad? That's a nightmare, What are you talking about? That's better than Donald Trump, however, That douche couldn't be a silent anything, You have to be kidding, the Kardashians want a team? Hm, I mean if you think about it, they already have all these black guys hanging around, so it's probably cheaper for them than marrying them one at a time, That's true, Hm, what about this, Prince Alal Telal, I like the sound of that, You know, maybe we could have a competition at halftime to see who could say his name ten times fast, Alal Telal, Alal Telal, Come on, say it, Alal Telal, Alal Telal, Alal Telal, Alal Telal, He's actually not a bad choice, you know, I mean, he is a terrorist but he only blows up other terrorists, Yeah, he's like an Arab Dexter, Yeah, If I only wanted to sell 30% of the team, how much would that be? Based on how much Balmer overpaid, the Saints would be worth close to a billion, which would give you about 300 mil, And you get to keep the team, No, we'd get to keep the team, What about 350? I have a lot of expenses, you know, my parents, my sister, her kids, grandparents, cousins, How'd you get on the hook for all this? People need things and they come to me, I'm a sucker, you know, I need a kidney transplant, Jake to the rescue, Jake, our restaurant's closing, all right, Jake to the rescue, Well, maybe someone needs to rescue you? Are you that someone? Everyone needs to be taken care of every now and then, I always thought I'd be taking care of you, Really? Yeah, I mean, I figured you hated me so much the only way I'd get you to like me is by saving you, Taking that thorn out of your paw, I don't hate you, Yeah, I definitely don't hate you, Actually, lately I've been feeling kinda the opposite, I've been feeling the opposite, Very much so, Me too, Very much, If I go in for the kiss, See what happens, You promise you won't sue? You have nothing to sue for, Aw, being broke is awesome, Just you wait, Okay, okay, okay, you know what? Huh, The moment has passed, That's never happened to me before, Great, I'm a trailblazer, Okay, just let me soak, I promise it'll work, hold on, What? Get off, Give me two minutes, I can get there, Just put your pants on, Okay, His majesty Al Hal Telal will be here in three hours to close the deal, You know, like how you just couldn't, Okay, please stop, That's really never happened to me before, All right, maybe your little issue is just the universe telling us, it's a bad idea, The only thing sadder than a guy who can't get it up, is the woman making excuses for it, Okay, forget what just happened, We need to be on our A game, I already forgot, What did just happen? So with Telal, you take the hard line, and I'll take the softer approach, Okay, Or, do you wanna take the softer approach? Sorry, I just had, last one, I swear, How are we gonna spin this to the press? Telal is not a good guy, He sold missiles to Ahmadinejad, No, he sold missile parts, Oh, that's much better, Thanks for dinner, Lobster is my fav, Did you see that waiter's face when I asked for surf and surf? What are we doing up here? You ever seen this view Andy, This is my favorite view in all of Vegas, There's nothing like in the world, You know, I've been here so long, I remember the Bellagio was the Dunes, Hey, I wanna apologize for asking for another million, I feel awful, Yeah, it's sad, no one ever really considers the feelings of the blackmailer, I wasn't always a blackmailer, meth-addict male prostitute, I had potential, Yeah? I was first chair piccolo in high school, No need to brag, Andy, What about you? Were you ever somebody? Come on man, that's hurtful, No, it's just, He had to want something more out of life than, babysitting a disgraced mascot on a rooftop, I used to be good at some things, but I had to quit all those, You should start it up again, Get that feeling back, carpe diem, Do you think so? Yeah, why not? You know I, I agree, Why not? Why not? We're not talking about piccolos anymore, are we? No, we're not Andy, The prince is in the building, Yay, Look, things are done a little differently where he's from, No way, He may wanna hold your hand, during negotiations, That's cute, Also, don't be surprised if someone's throwing rose petals before him, I should get Todd to do that for me, He'll be wearing a long white robe, and it's called the dishdasha, Yeah, okay, he'll be wearing a kielbasa, Oh, I love that exotic Middle Eastern neckwear, Okay, all right, It's cute, Prince Alal Telal, Hey, you must be Jake, Yes, Wade, don't hover the Prince, Dusty, Dusty, nice to meet you, Pleasure, please come sit, No, I gotta get back to my plane, 40 virgins aren't going to screw themselves, am I right? I'm kidding, I have to be in LA for a meeting, So, let's talk numbers, Sure, Okay, 350 million for 30% of the team, No voting stock, silent partner, Yeah, that's totally fine, Honestly, I'm just doing this to park money outside of my country, With all the revolutions, and the volatility in the oil markets, I have to diversify, It was either this, or buy Sea World, I thought I heard they treat Shamu like a dissident, so, They do, Yeah, Okay, so we good? You know, I don't know, This isn't just some investment, Okay? We're the Sin City Saints, We stand for something, We're a basketball team, The culmination of the dreams of every young boy, mostly black, In every neighborhood, mostly in bad neighborhoods, all over this great land, Brought me up here to kill me, That surf and surf, was my last meal, Wherever there's a hoop and a ball, we're there, I'm thinking about it, But, you're a pretty nice guy, and on the other hand, you keep blackmailing my boss, so I'm torn, Wherever there's a kid shooting jumpers till his hands are raw and knees are sore, we're there, God this used to be so easy for me, We are the dream makers, Andy stop it, Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, it's back! Backwards, And making dreams isn't just a place to park your money, 400 million and you will never see me again, Done deal, Nice doing business with you, Great doing business with you, We did it, I mean, not exactly because we're getting a new arena, but we saved the franchise, Well, mostly me, I will kill you! Oh, my gosh, Hide, hide, Wu is very violent, Look at how far we've come, When you first showed up you were like gr I'm Dusty, I want you out of here, Oh, no, no! And now we're like-, Okay, let's not define it, That would just be tempting fate, Wu, Wu, No! He broke both legs, Well he could have died, Yeah, but that's the good news, no one died, Kevin what happened to you? Oh, paintball, Paintballing in a suit? Yeah, it's a funny story, I'll tell you later, Where's Andy, Kevin? That's why it's so funny, Bernice, you can't blame me for this one, Yet I do, And you, What did I do? Manny is a child from our charity, He told me what happened, I will be alerting the League, It's Vegas, Shut up! Saints down by 30, no play offs this year, Jake, What a fall from grace, mired in scandal, out of pitch, Star player out for a second time, Hopes for a new arena, day, Jake Tallus has gone from golden boy, to cautionary tale, We were this close, I know, Is there any way to get Talal back? He thinks the franchise is now too controversial, Too controversial? Yeah, I blame myself for this, Yeah I blame you too, Are you kidding me? You just said it was your fault, I thought you said it wasn't my fault, Man up and take some of the blame, Of course it's your fault, I went to Vegas with standards and goals, and look at me now, Mired in sex, and booze, and scandal, You know, what, no one made you have sex with a 12th grade drop-out, It lasted forever, That was a medically enhanced performance, and, you know, what if you keep, And what about Ledarius? Two major injuries, both caused by you, I love LDP, but he has back luck, Created by you, They're gonna take this team away from me, aren't they? I don't know, Jake, Am I to go to jail? You'll get out of jail someday, Losing your team, that's permanent, The Commissioner will see you now, Here we go, Would you want me to handle it, Well, who knows if you'll ever Charlamianie yourself, That's what it is, I figured it out, I figured out how to say this line that's written incorrectly by Chris Case, Here we go, Oh, oh, my gosh, Where the, where the is he? I came here with goals and standards, and now look at me, mired in sex, and booze, and scandal, No one made you sleep with any, no one made you sleep with any, no one made you three times, Yahoo!