Single White Spenny (2011) s01e08 Episode Script
Man Camp
Spenny: This weather sucks, but my date with Kristen is going so great that I'm not dwelling on the $12 dessert she ordered and didn't even touch.
I mean, not even a taste.
She didn't even lick the fork.
Stop tugging me around? I don't want to wet my hair! It gets all curly.
Hey! Hey! What are you doing?! Give him the purse! Give him the purse! He's crazy! My credit cards and ID are in there! Well, cancel the credit cards! You're not canceling anything! (thunder crashing) Oh! We are so canceling those credit cards!!! You're unbelievable! Why didn't you beat him up?! Are you kidding?! Did you see him?! His teeth were all chipped! If he bit me, he'd tear the flesh right off the bones! You're a coward! I don't date cowards! We are done! Over! We're broken up! Are you serious?! We had such a good time before the assault! Until you grow a pair, don't ever call me again! I am not a coward! Whatever, Spenny! I'm going to find another mugger with nicer teeth! My name is Spenny.
I've been accused of being an emotionally-stunted man child.
Incapable of having a functional relationship.
All I really want is to find love.
Is that such a crime? ⪠If it happened once again ⪠⪠With my muscles I'd defend-- âª.
Is that necessary? Yes, it's necessary.
I'm trying to heal a botched relationship.
Well, when you sided with the mugger, that ship sailed.
In Kristen's eyes, you're a coward.
I know.
(knocking) Go away, Phil! (laughing) Hey, guys.
What is it, Phil? I have the answer to your embarrassing problem.
There's a camp in the woods That exists solely to turn men into men.
It's called "Man Camp.
" They build men one gonad at a time.
So, you can either go to "Man Camp", or you can spend the rest of your life taking your dates to food courts where there's plenty of security and get them home before nightfall.
AHEM Pussy-- It's your call.
Did he just call me a pussy?! It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm telling you, this Man Camp thing's going to be fabulous for me.
It turns boys into men and it's run by this guy, brother Steve, do you know him? No.
It's not going to work, darling.
You are barking up the wrong tree with this Man Camp.
What tree should I be barking up? Do you have to know now, or can you wait for a week from Saturday? What's a week from Saturday? It's exciting What is it? You're gay! Gayer than a dozen balloons.
I'm gay? That's my surprise.
You were going to find out at the coming out of the closet party I'm throwing for you.
Are you excited? Why would I be excited about a party being thrown for me for something that I'm not?? I understand you're confused, but there will be a lot of gays there to counsel you.
I'm getting a great response.
They say you'll make a great bottom.
Are you insane?! I am so proud of myself for outing you.
Mother, I'm not gay! Spencer! Come on! How many sleepovers did you have with Richard? With Richard?? I was eight years old! He had one sleeping bag! We'll go to Las Vegas and celebrate by seeing Cher! That's it-- Spencer, wait! Can you try and act a little surprised when you come into the party? Gays are drama queens, so it shouldn't be a stretch.
I'm not gay! If I was, I'd tell ya! That is so gay! Save it for the party, Nancy! My son, Spencer, is a homosexual.
Finally, he's interesting! Spenny: Okay, Kristen wants me to grow a pair.
My mother thinks I'm a bottom.
I get it-- I'm a magnificent pussy.
It's time for me to go to Man Camp.
(nature sounds) (phone ringing) Spenny's Fun Time Emporium.
Everything under control? Okay, let's go over it again.
You got these rules to remember.
Mmmhmmm.
Number 1, don't be rude to the customers.
Uh huh.
Number 2, if you're gonna take a half hour for lunch, don't put the "Back in 15 minutes" sign up.
Number 22, and this is important-- Make sure the cash balances out at the end of the day.
I'll check when I get back.
Mmmhmm.
Number 53, if you're going to use my private washroom, lay off the Indian buffets.
I only wish I could be there when they break you, so I can hear you scream for mercy! Ugh-- You brought rolling luggage? To Man Camp? Yeah, you really don't get what this is all about, do you.
Just lead the way, please.
(banjo music playing) Phil: Come on, Spenny! The opening video starts at 13:00! I don't want to be late! God, damn it! AH! AHH! Yeah! Come on! You come on! Phil, if I asked you a question, would you give me an honest answer? Absolutely.
I mean, that's what friends are for.
How long are you gonna be? Oh I don't know.
Would you sing a little something? No.
Well, then get comfortable.
(Phil humming) ⪠Spenny, this is it! This is it.
It's time to man up.
Up these stairs and we're there.
Let's go! I don't know, Phil.
I don't really feel good about this at all.
Like, what happens if it doesn't work out? Spenny, up until now I've been the guy who lived next door, who opened your mail listened to your conversations and love-making, and occasionally watched you while you were sleeping, but now I'm on a journey with you.
And I will see you through this, to the very end.
Ohbehold Man Camp.
⪠Spenny: Just seeing the entrance to Man Camp gave me a testosterone rush.
I was flooded with visions of manliness.
Suddenly, all the money I spent on mani-pedis and man-scaping seemed a total waste.
I was about to become hairy and stinky.
Watch me while I'm sleeping? Welcome to Man Camp.
The one place where it's still legal to be a man! YEAH! Yeah!!! A lot of you may be asking, "brother Steve, I understand what you're saying, "but why are you the messenger?" 'Cause I was born with 3 testicles.
That's right, I call it my "holy trinity.
" And look.
I'm willing to take the challenge.
If anybody would like to verify that I got three in the bag, go, let's do it.
Okay, not you, Jack! Okay? Mr.
Cold Hands, don't think so.
Anybody? Anybody? Phil, you want to go down this road again? (laughing) Not again! Okay-- I see some new faces.
Some faces that look scared.
Nervous and clinically depressed.
You! Stand up, tell me your name.
Spenny.
Do you have a sad story? Uh About 2 weeks ago, I was out on a date with a girl-- And BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH! I don't care! (laughing) Sit down, Spenny! (laughing) ⪠Welcome to Spenny's Fun Time Novelty Emporium, where we have low, low clearance prices on all stink bombs.
I want $120.
Please.
O-okay, okay! Just, just don't shoot me, okay? 'Cause I am not taking a bullet for Spenny.
Okay, that's-- That's more than $120.
I just want enough to make the minimum payment on my credit card.
If you only take $120, it'll look like I dipped into the cash.
Right-- Okay-- What is the least amount I can take for you not to get in trouble? I don't know like, $300? Bag it.
Okay-- All man eyes on the man screen.
Spenny, Spenny! You gotta watch this! It'll blow your mind! ⪠⪠(clapping) Now, Spenny, because you're the new guy, I want you to wear The ceremonial Bearskin.
Now, this is a bear that I killed With my 2 hands.
And a shotgun.
Thank you, brother Steve.
Welcome, brother Spenny.
Alright, I want you guys to head to your bunks and then get ready for more Man Camp!!! Ahhhh! WOO! Yeah!!! (laughing) I can't believe it! You look like a million bucks! I normally never wear fur, but this is fantastic! Congratulations! Oh! This is Man Camp, no hugging.
You're absolutely right, huh-- ⪠That's for you.
I can't take this.
This is stealing.
No, I'm stealing.
You're Getting a gift.
Oh Thank you.
By the way, I think it's really responsible of you not to want to ruin your credit rating.
Thanks.
You in a hurry? You hungry? I could always eat.
Okay, why don't you steal an extra fifteen and we can order pizza and wings.
(laughing) Oh, my favorite word-- Approved.
Brother Steve, I like throwing around coin as good as the next guy, but $1000 for this? Well, uh, you ever heard of overhead? Overhead? We're sleeping in a tent.
You also get your own Man Camp bag, Man Camp cap, Man Camp t-shirt, a liter of Man Camp signature water-- Hey, hey, hey! Why is Phil only paying $200? Uh, he got the friends and family discount.
I'm gonna get changed.
What?! The friends and family discount?? He brought you.
What are you talking about?! Hey, hey, hey! If you got a problem with this, you should take it up with Phil.
I'm gonna talk to Phil! Phil! What's going on with the friend rate? You invited me here so you could get the discount! The what and what discount? The friends and family discount! The one where you pay $200 and I pay $1000! You, you-- You can't really put a price on gaining your manhood.
You know, you should be ready to pay $5000, $10,000-- Because what happens here is going to affect you for the rest of your life.
Hey, hey, hey! You're gonna pay half! Spenny: Okay, Phil may be a cheap idiot but he's right.
You really can't put a price on becoming a man.
Man: Yeah, naked rules!!! ⪠This is what I overpaid for? This isn't Man Camp! This is Immature Boy Camp! This room represents absolutely everything that's wrong with modern man! And even worse it feeds into the basest and most pathetic instincts of my gender.
⪠This is an abomination! (laughing) Phil! What the hell's going on? This! Is Man Camp! Who is she?? She's Rocket Girl.
Rocket Girl, would you excuse us for a minute, please? Oh, honey, I'll be here.
(laughing) Isn't this great? It's like a bad community college frat party! Shouldn't we be out in the woods?! Chopping down trees, doing push-ups? Marching 'til the sun comes up? Marching 'til the sun comes up-- Look around! Every man here is happy.
This is it.
Are you telling me this is all there is to Man Camp? Because if you are, I'm gonna kill you! Kill? What are you talking about? It's the bear.
It's coming out in you-- Bear?! You want the bear? Take the bear! What? ⪠EVERYBODY STOP!!! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING HERE? This is supposed to be a Man Camp! Not a whore house! You're supposed to act like men! But instead, look at you! Drinking beer, eating crap! Playing video games! This is not what I paid for! This is not what I want! This is not what men are! YOU! What the hell kind of gorilla factory are you running here?! Is this about the money? You want the same deal Phil has, is that it? It used to be about the money, but right now, it's personal! I am going to make it my cause, my purpose in life to do everything in my power to close this place down for good! I hear ya, Spenny.
I'd like to show you a little something I learned in Thailand.
⪠Steve: You, Sir, are not normal.
When they dragged you in here in that cage and you were all knocked out, I thought for a minute maybe you're a woman, but I verified, you're a man.
Are you telling me you verified while I was passed out?! Not just me.
Phil verified, too.
And John.
In fact, John kept on verifying.
We had to pull him off ya.
And what you are is a saboteur.
So, who controls you? I control me.
And you know what I am? I'm your worst nightmare, brother Steve.
I'm a rogue male.
Unfettered by the pleasures of the flesh! Alright, we'll see how tough you are.
When you smell all those pizzas coming.
Yeah! I ordered two dozen.
Oh, Phil, you might want to come.
Rocket Girl is serving jalapeno poppers.
Off her breasts.
Uh Here.
Here, have these.
I don't want your dirty potato chips! Alright-- I'll come back and check up on you later.
Alright? I love jalapeno poppers.
And I love breasts.
Spenny: I should have known better than to come to Man Camp wih Phil.
Who's he? He's your neighbor.
And good, good friend.
Are you telling me that you've had sex with both of my mothers?! Yeah What are the odds? Spenny, I love you! (crying) You're pathetic, Phil! Ughughugh! (phone ringing) Hello? Hey, Jessica! Spenny? Where the hell are you? You sound weird.
I'm a political prisoner.
It's a long story.
What's going on with the store? Everything's fine.
No problems.
One small robbery, average day sales, bye.
Wait! Don't hang up! What's this about a robbery?! You have insurance for stuff like that, right? And it was a real robbery, okay? By a guy I can't describe now, so don't go trying to pin it on me.
How much did he get?! Hang on He wants to know how much you stole.
Tell him $300.
$300.
Who are you talking to?! It's none of your business! Like I told you, this is my private time! Did you steal from me, you little criminal?! I had a gun in my mouth!!! I told you he was going to take it the wrong way.
Who are you talking to?! Is that him?! I gotta go.
I have a date.
Let me talk to that little bastard! - Hi.
- Hi.
Spenny: Listen to me! It's a man who helps his kid with the homework! And he isn't in the basement watching porn! Spenny: Was anybody listening?? ⪠You know what a man does when there's a home invasion?! He goes out and deals with the bad person! He doesn't send the wife! Spenny: Was anything listening? Coconut juice good for me-- "You're a coward!" Shut up! When you sided with the mugger, that ship sailed.
Shut up! COUGH Pussy-- You're gay! I only wish I could be there when they break you, so I can hear you scream for mercy! Oh, God Oh, God-- Spenny, hey-- I heard you shouting outside-- I was a little worried about ya and I wanted to come and see you.
Steve: There you are-- Well, Fidel Castro, you won.
We're closing down Man Camp.
You're closing down Man Camp?! For the winter.
See you next time.
Yeah.
Hey, you won! What we've done-- Is incredible.
I just want you To feel What's in my heart- Because At the mountain top it has a magnificent view.
I would love to be on top of the mountain and experience that view that you have.
You want to go to the mountain top? Okay, Phil-- I will take you To the mountain.
Oh, great.
Phil: Woo! This is it, huh? HA HA! This is snug.
Yeah, as a bug in a rug.
Whoa, hey-- Gee-- You locked it too, huh? I wanted you to experience the real deal, Phil.
I'm, uh I'm not seeing the mountain top yet.
How long do you think it's going to take? You know, maybe three, four days.
Yeah I'll come back for you then.
Spenny, I'm not feeling it! This is no mountain top! Ah! The jalapeno poppers are kicking in, guys! Brother Steve! Rocket Girl! Phil: Spenny!!! So? How do you like the new me? Yeah, this is not gonna work.
I can't believe it! You told me to grow a pair.
I grew four pair! I spent four days in a cage, drinking my own urine! Because of what you said.
(knocking) Oh! That's my ride.
Um, thank you for that spoon bendythingy.
Hi.
KISS Hey, man.
I know you You're the mugger.
You're dating the mugger?! Yeah, when he got home he proffered my purse and got my number and like a gentleman he called.
I don't know he's kinda sweet.
Go wait in the car, baby.
Okay-- I can't believe this! I'm taking her someplace nice, I'm gonna need your wallet.
Really? Good luck! She's not easy to please!
I mean, not even a taste.
She didn't even lick the fork.
Stop tugging me around? I don't want to wet my hair! It gets all curly.
Hey! Hey! What are you doing?! Give him the purse! Give him the purse! He's crazy! My credit cards and ID are in there! Well, cancel the credit cards! You're not canceling anything! (thunder crashing) Oh! We are so canceling those credit cards!!! You're unbelievable! Why didn't you beat him up?! Are you kidding?! Did you see him?! His teeth were all chipped! If he bit me, he'd tear the flesh right off the bones! You're a coward! I don't date cowards! We are done! Over! We're broken up! Are you serious?! We had such a good time before the assault! Until you grow a pair, don't ever call me again! I am not a coward! Whatever, Spenny! I'm going to find another mugger with nicer teeth! My name is Spenny.
I've been accused of being an emotionally-stunted man child.
Incapable of having a functional relationship.
All I really want is to find love.
Is that such a crime? ⪠If it happened once again ⪠⪠With my muscles I'd defend-- âª.
Is that necessary? Yes, it's necessary.
I'm trying to heal a botched relationship.
Well, when you sided with the mugger, that ship sailed.
In Kristen's eyes, you're a coward.
I know.
(knocking) Go away, Phil! (laughing) Hey, guys.
What is it, Phil? I have the answer to your embarrassing problem.
There's a camp in the woods That exists solely to turn men into men.
It's called "Man Camp.
" They build men one gonad at a time.
So, you can either go to "Man Camp", or you can spend the rest of your life taking your dates to food courts where there's plenty of security and get them home before nightfall.
AHEM Pussy-- It's your call.
Did he just call me a pussy?! It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm telling you, this Man Camp thing's going to be fabulous for me.
It turns boys into men and it's run by this guy, brother Steve, do you know him? No.
It's not going to work, darling.
You are barking up the wrong tree with this Man Camp.
What tree should I be barking up? Do you have to know now, or can you wait for a week from Saturday? What's a week from Saturday? It's exciting What is it? You're gay! Gayer than a dozen balloons.
I'm gay? That's my surprise.
You were going to find out at the coming out of the closet party I'm throwing for you.
Are you excited? Why would I be excited about a party being thrown for me for something that I'm not?? I understand you're confused, but there will be a lot of gays there to counsel you.
I'm getting a great response.
They say you'll make a great bottom.
Are you insane?! I am so proud of myself for outing you.
Mother, I'm not gay! Spencer! Come on! How many sleepovers did you have with Richard? With Richard?? I was eight years old! He had one sleeping bag! We'll go to Las Vegas and celebrate by seeing Cher! That's it-- Spencer, wait! Can you try and act a little surprised when you come into the party? Gays are drama queens, so it shouldn't be a stretch.
I'm not gay! If I was, I'd tell ya! That is so gay! Save it for the party, Nancy! My son, Spencer, is a homosexual.
Finally, he's interesting! Spenny: Okay, Kristen wants me to grow a pair.
My mother thinks I'm a bottom.
I get it-- I'm a magnificent pussy.
It's time for me to go to Man Camp.
(nature sounds) (phone ringing) Spenny's Fun Time Emporium.
Everything under control? Okay, let's go over it again.
You got these rules to remember.
Mmmhmmm.
Number 1, don't be rude to the customers.
Uh huh.
Number 2, if you're gonna take a half hour for lunch, don't put the "Back in 15 minutes" sign up.
Number 22, and this is important-- Make sure the cash balances out at the end of the day.
I'll check when I get back.
Mmmhmm.
Number 53, if you're going to use my private washroom, lay off the Indian buffets.
I only wish I could be there when they break you, so I can hear you scream for mercy! Ugh-- You brought rolling luggage? To Man Camp? Yeah, you really don't get what this is all about, do you.
Just lead the way, please.
(banjo music playing) Phil: Come on, Spenny! The opening video starts at 13:00! I don't want to be late! God, damn it! AH! AHH! Yeah! Come on! You come on! Phil, if I asked you a question, would you give me an honest answer? Absolutely.
I mean, that's what friends are for.
How long are you gonna be? Oh I don't know.
Would you sing a little something? No.
Well, then get comfortable.
(Phil humming) ⪠Spenny, this is it! This is it.
It's time to man up.
Up these stairs and we're there.
Let's go! I don't know, Phil.
I don't really feel good about this at all.
Like, what happens if it doesn't work out? Spenny, up until now I've been the guy who lived next door, who opened your mail listened to your conversations and love-making, and occasionally watched you while you were sleeping, but now I'm on a journey with you.
And I will see you through this, to the very end.
Ohbehold Man Camp.
⪠Spenny: Just seeing the entrance to Man Camp gave me a testosterone rush.
I was flooded with visions of manliness.
Suddenly, all the money I spent on mani-pedis and man-scaping seemed a total waste.
I was about to become hairy and stinky.
Watch me while I'm sleeping? Welcome to Man Camp.
The one place where it's still legal to be a man! YEAH! Yeah!!! A lot of you may be asking, "brother Steve, I understand what you're saying, "but why are you the messenger?" 'Cause I was born with 3 testicles.
That's right, I call it my "holy trinity.
" And look.
I'm willing to take the challenge.
If anybody would like to verify that I got three in the bag, go, let's do it.
Okay, not you, Jack! Okay? Mr.
Cold Hands, don't think so.
Anybody? Anybody? Phil, you want to go down this road again? (laughing) Not again! Okay-- I see some new faces.
Some faces that look scared.
Nervous and clinically depressed.
You! Stand up, tell me your name.
Spenny.
Do you have a sad story? Uh About 2 weeks ago, I was out on a date with a girl-- And BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH! I don't care! (laughing) Sit down, Spenny! (laughing) ⪠Welcome to Spenny's Fun Time Novelty Emporium, where we have low, low clearance prices on all stink bombs.
I want $120.
Please.
O-okay, okay! Just, just don't shoot me, okay? 'Cause I am not taking a bullet for Spenny.
Okay, that's-- That's more than $120.
I just want enough to make the minimum payment on my credit card.
If you only take $120, it'll look like I dipped into the cash.
Right-- Okay-- What is the least amount I can take for you not to get in trouble? I don't know like, $300? Bag it.
Okay-- All man eyes on the man screen.
Spenny, Spenny! You gotta watch this! It'll blow your mind! ⪠⪠(clapping) Now, Spenny, because you're the new guy, I want you to wear The ceremonial Bearskin.
Now, this is a bear that I killed With my 2 hands.
And a shotgun.
Thank you, brother Steve.
Welcome, brother Spenny.
Alright, I want you guys to head to your bunks and then get ready for more Man Camp!!! Ahhhh! WOO! Yeah!!! (laughing) I can't believe it! You look like a million bucks! I normally never wear fur, but this is fantastic! Congratulations! Oh! This is Man Camp, no hugging.
You're absolutely right, huh-- ⪠That's for you.
I can't take this.
This is stealing.
No, I'm stealing.
You're Getting a gift.
Oh Thank you.
By the way, I think it's really responsible of you not to want to ruin your credit rating.
Thanks.
You in a hurry? You hungry? I could always eat.
Okay, why don't you steal an extra fifteen and we can order pizza and wings.
(laughing) Oh, my favorite word-- Approved.
Brother Steve, I like throwing around coin as good as the next guy, but $1000 for this? Well, uh, you ever heard of overhead? Overhead? We're sleeping in a tent.
You also get your own Man Camp bag, Man Camp cap, Man Camp t-shirt, a liter of Man Camp signature water-- Hey, hey, hey! Why is Phil only paying $200? Uh, he got the friends and family discount.
I'm gonna get changed.
What?! The friends and family discount?? He brought you.
What are you talking about?! Hey, hey, hey! If you got a problem with this, you should take it up with Phil.
I'm gonna talk to Phil! Phil! What's going on with the friend rate? You invited me here so you could get the discount! The what and what discount? The friends and family discount! The one where you pay $200 and I pay $1000! You, you-- You can't really put a price on gaining your manhood.
You know, you should be ready to pay $5000, $10,000-- Because what happens here is going to affect you for the rest of your life.
Hey, hey, hey! You're gonna pay half! Spenny: Okay, Phil may be a cheap idiot but he's right.
You really can't put a price on becoming a man.
Man: Yeah, naked rules!!! ⪠This is what I overpaid for? This isn't Man Camp! This is Immature Boy Camp! This room represents absolutely everything that's wrong with modern man! And even worse it feeds into the basest and most pathetic instincts of my gender.
⪠This is an abomination! (laughing) Phil! What the hell's going on? This! Is Man Camp! Who is she?? She's Rocket Girl.
Rocket Girl, would you excuse us for a minute, please? Oh, honey, I'll be here.
(laughing) Isn't this great? It's like a bad community college frat party! Shouldn't we be out in the woods?! Chopping down trees, doing push-ups? Marching 'til the sun comes up? Marching 'til the sun comes up-- Look around! Every man here is happy.
This is it.
Are you telling me this is all there is to Man Camp? Because if you are, I'm gonna kill you! Kill? What are you talking about? It's the bear.
It's coming out in you-- Bear?! You want the bear? Take the bear! What? ⪠EVERYBODY STOP!!! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING HERE? This is supposed to be a Man Camp! Not a whore house! You're supposed to act like men! But instead, look at you! Drinking beer, eating crap! Playing video games! This is not what I paid for! This is not what I want! This is not what men are! YOU! What the hell kind of gorilla factory are you running here?! Is this about the money? You want the same deal Phil has, is that it? It used to be about the money, but right now, it's personal! I am going to make it my cause, my purpose in life to do everything in my power to close this place down for good! I hear ya, Spenny.
I'd like to show you a little something I learned in Thailand.
⪠Steve: You, Sir, are not normal.
When they dragged you in here in that cage and you were all knocked out, I thought for a minute maybe you're a woman, but I verified, you're a man.
Are you telling me you verified while I was passed out?! Not just me.
Phil verified, too.
And John.
In fact, John kept on verifying.
We had to pull him off ya.
And what you are is a saboteur.
So, who controls you? I control me.
And you know what I am? I'm your worst nightmare, brother Steve.
I'm a rogue male.
Unfettered by the pleasures of the flesh! Alright, we'll see how tough you are.
When you smell all those pizzas coming.
Yeah! I ordered two dozen.
Oh, Phil, you might want to come.
Rocket Girl is serving jalapeno poppers.
Off her breasts.
Uh Here.
Here, have these.
I don't want your dirty potato chips! Alright-- I'll come back and check up on you later.
Alright? I love jalapeno poppers.
And I love breasts.
Spenny: I should have known better than to come to Man Camp wih Phil.
Who's he? He's your neighbor.
And good, good friend.
Are you telling me that you've had sex with both of my mothers?! Yeah What are the odds? Spenny, I love you! (crying) You're pathetic, Phil! Ughughugh! (phone ringing) Hello? Hey, Jessica! Spenny? Where the hell are you? You sound weird.
I'm a political prisoner.
It's a long story.
What's going on with the store? Everything's fine.
No problems.
One small robbery, average day sales, bye.
Wait! Don't hang up! What's this about a robbery?! You have insurance for stuff like that, right? And it was a real robbery, okay? By a guy I can't describe now, so don't go trying to pin it on me.
How much did he get?! Hang on He wants to know how much you stole.
Tell him $300.
$300.
Who are you talking to?! It's none of your business! Like I told you, this is my private time! Did you steal from me, you little criminal?! I had a gun in my mouth!!! I told you he was going to take it the wrong way.
Who are you talking to?! Is that him?! I gotta go.
I have a date.
Let me talk to that little bastard! - Hi.
- Hi.
Spenny: Listen to me! It's a man who helps his kid with the homework! And he isn't in the basement watching porn! Spenny: Was anybody listening?? ⪠You know what a man does when there's a home invasion?! He goes out and deals with the bad person! He doesn't send the wife! Spenny: Was anything listening? Coconut juice good for me-- "You're a coward!" Shut up! When you sided with the mugger, that ship sailed.
Shut up! COUGH Pussy-- You're gay! I only wish I could be there when they break you, so I can hear you scream for mercy! Oh, God Oh, God-- Spenny, hey-- I heard you shouting outside-- I was a little worried about ya and I wanted to come and see you.
Steve: There you are-- Well, Fidel Castro, you won.
We're closing down Man Camp.
You're closing down Man Camp?! For the winter.
See you next time.
Yeah.
Hey, you won! What we've done-- Is incredible.
I just want you To feel What's in my heart- Because At the mountain top it has a magnificent view.
I would love to be on top of the mountain and experience that view that you have.
You want to go to the mountain top? Okay, Phil-- I will take you To the mountain.
Oh, great.
Phil: Woo! This is it, huh? HA HA! This is snug.
Yeah, as a bug in a rug.
Whoa, hey-- Gee-- You locked it too, huh? I wanted you to experience the real deal, Phil.
I'm, uh I'm not seeing the mountain top yet.
How long do you think it's going to take? You know, maybe three, four days.
Yeah I'll come back for you then.
Spenny, I'm not feeling it! This is no mountain top! Ah! The jalapeno poppers are kicking in, guys! Brother Steve! Rocket Girl! Phil: Spenny!!! So? How do you like the new me? Yeah, this is not gonna work.
I can't believe it! You told me to grow a pair.
I grew four pair! I spent four days in a cage, drinking my own urine! Because of what you said.
(knocking) Oh! That's my ride.
Um, thank you for that spoon bendythingy.
Hi.
KISS Hey, man.
I know you You're the mugger.
You're dating the mugger?! Yeah, when he got home he proffered my purse and got my number and like a gentleman he called.
I don't know he's kinda sweet.
Go wait in the car, baby.
Okay-- I can't believe this! I'm taking her someplace nice, I'm gonna need your wallet.
Really? Good luck! She's not easy to please!