Sledge Hammer! s01e08 Episode Script

Trust me, I know what I'm doing.
- Hammer, have you seen this paper? - No.
I stopped getting it after my neighbour quit having it delivered.
Cheap jerk! It's been leaked to the press that Captain Trunk is testifying against the narcotics syndicate Thursday.
You know, that's what I hate about the newspapers in this country.
They find out things and then they write about 'em.
Freedom of the press! It stinks! Now the syndicate has this information, they'll do anything to keep Trunk quiet.
Fat chance.
He's louder than most airports.
- Hammer! - See what I mean? The Commissioner wants to talk to us.
I've put him on the speaker phone.
- 'Hello.
Can everyone hear me?' - Yes, we can.
- 'Hammer, are you there?' - Yo.
- 'Move over.
' - Yes, sir.
How far? 'Not you.
I'm talking to my driver.
I'm calling from my car phone.
- 'I'm livid about today's press leak.
' - Yes, I am, too, sir.
'Could you please slow down?' I am too sir.
'Not you! My driver! 'With the syndicate alerted to Trunk's court appearance, 'he must be placed under your protective custody.
' - Are you talking to me or to the driver? - 'You! Your custody, Hammer.
'This is one instance where a man like you is perfect.
' No! No, Commissioner, don't do this to me! Let me get this straight.
I am in charge of the Captain, right? 'Right.
No, not you! Turn left! This is a one-way street!' My life is in the hands of a man who causes injuries over the telephone! What can I say? I'm expanding.
Captain Trunk? You're needed to check the supplies in Room 4.
Very well.
- I'm right behind you, Captain.
- Forget it! I'm a grown man! I can take care of myself just fine! Captain, Hammer's under the direct orders of the Commissioner.
I don't give a damn about any orders! Don't be surprised if I turn in my badge after Thursday! - Think he's serious? - I think he must be.
He has no sense of humour.
He's got his pride, but I'm more concerned about his safety.
Will you relax? He's with two cops who both have Lugers.
Which aren't regulation! Why, you yoghurt-sucking maggots! Let my captain go! Hammer, don't hit me, hit him! I got it, I got it! Hammer! Hammer, look out! Behind you! Hammer! You scum desecrate this symboI of law and order! Also makes me sick because you look good in uniforms.
Those assassins really roughed you up, sir.
They didn't lay a finger on me.
Hammer did.
You may be hard-pressed to admit it, sir, but Hammer did save your life.
Yes.
Thank you.
You saved my life.
- Sure you'd do the same for me, sir.
- You wish.
Under the circumstances, sir, I think it's important you check into a hoteI.
Now you're giving me orders? I'm gonna live my life as usuaI.
That means meeting my ex-wife for dinner tonight as planned.
It's taken a lot of effort to get that woman to even talk to me.
For six months, she refused to accept my phone calls.
I can understand that, sir.
She's probably afraid you'll hurt her ears.
If you insist on keeping this engagement, we're obligated to accompany you.
Don't worry, you won't even know I'm there.
Listen, I figured that for us to settle our differences, we'd meet face to face and - That's my tactic.
- Tactic? There you go again.
Nothing's changed.
Even when you're off duty, you speak like a policeman.
Renee, listen, being here with you right now policemen are the furthest thing from my mind.
All right, this sector's secured.
Everything's OK.
Excuse me.
New restaurant policy.
I can't let you eat anything unless I've tasted it first.
Needs pepper.
- Who is that man? - I have no idea.
Ignore him.
Ignore him? What is this? - Why did you ask me out tonight? - I want you back in my life! Honey, be realistic.
You're not the same man I married.
You've changed.
Ever since you became captain, something has It's turned you into a bitter, angry man.
What did it to you? Look, Renee, I had to make a choice between my career and being married to you.
Lately I have been questioning that decision vehemently! Are you saying you that regret giving up our marriage for your career? Yes.
That's what I'm saying.
You ought to hear the bunk he's dishing out! I'm gonna be sick! Hit the deck! Hammer, get off me! Get off me! - You creep, get off me! - I thought you didn't know this person.
- He's one of my men.
- You've blown a perfectly good cover.
Please let me explain, will you? You owe me that much.
All right.
Come on in, but just one minute.
All right, all right.
Hammer! Grrr! - OK.
- Hammer, why are you doing this? Because I care.
We'll stay in here so you two can have a moment alone.
- Yes, it's a great idea! - I can't believe I'm still talking to you.
I understand.
Hammer.
I am going in that room to be with the woman I love.
Do you understand? - Let's go.
- No! You are staying here! I am going in there.
If you come in there, I will kill you.
He's not in danger.
He was married to that woman.
Listen, anybody who's alone with his ex-wife is in danger.
It's quiet in there.
It's too quiet! Aaahh! Police! Hammer, Hammer, get out of this room.
Get out of this room! Out! Out! Out! Out! Out! Out! - I think we should investigate now.
- When will you learn? This is a very sensitive moment for him.
Oh, my back! Get back! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! This is a nightmare! All right, Doreau, stay here tonight with Mrs Trunk.
I'll move the Captain to the only safe place in the city.
- Where's that? - My apartment.
Well, Captain, this is where I crash every night.
What do you think? Is it me? Hammer, I'm gonna get a good night's sleep and insult you in the morning.
Are you serious about giving up your career to get back with your ex-wife? What if I am? It's disgusting.
ReaI men don't need women.
Hammer, without women, you would never have been born.
Prove it.
I am too exhausted even to have a migraine.
- Goodnight, Captain.
- Shut up! Slimeball! You sea urchin! Maggot! I'm gonna take you in! I'm gonna floss your teeth with a crowbar! - Hammer! - What? - You're talking! - Sometimes I arrest people in my sleep.
That's it, that's it.
First thing in the morning, my life's in danger.
You beat me up in the closet, you ruin my evening with my ex-wife and on top of that, you destroy half her house! Yeah, we had fun today, but I think it's time we got some sleep.
I'm getting the hell outta here.
Captain! The death of Captain Trunk is a tragic loss, but in the words of the immortaI Alexander Haig, "As of now, I am in controI.
" Ahem! Ahem! The Captain will be interred in a private ceremony on Friday.
Now let us observe a moment of silence in his memory.
That'll be all.
I can't believe it.
He's gone.
We failed.
This is so horrible.
I'm surprised at you, crying at a time like this.
You are a police officer.
Act like one.
My God, don't you ever show any emotion? Doreau, I show a whole range of emotion.
Anger, rage, hate.
- Hate.
- How can you be so cold? - He was our friend.
- Yeah, but he's in a better place now.
Room 208, MunicipaI HospitaI.
- What? - Trunk is alive.
- He's alive? - Shh! Enough happiness.
He needs minor surgery.
He has a bullet in his side.
He'll be ready to testify on schedule.
I figured, if those sleazoids thought he was dead, they'd stop trying to kill him.
Oh, why didn't you let me in on it? I think that's obvious.
You're a woman and you have a phone.
Hold it.
Why did the chicken cross the road? - To avoid the death penalty.
- Go right in, Inspector.
- Guess who thought up that password.
- You? You're no fun any more.
- Captain Trunk! - Shh.
He's going into surgery.
Don't disturb him unless it's absolutely necessary.
Trust me, I know what I'm doing.
Captain Captain, it's me.
It's Hammer.
What have you done? Now I have to sedate him! Hammer, what are you doing here? I'm in enough pain already! Calm down.
I have news for you.
- I've been killed? - Don't believe all you read in the papers.
- They'll never find me now! Just as I planned.
The press got us into this mess, the least they could do is get us out.
Nice irony.
This is brilliant! And to top it all off, I called your wife and told her not to worry, everything's fine.
Of course, you didn't tell her that I was here? No.
Well, yes.
Hammer, at least you told her not to visit because the syndicate may be watching her? Ah well Hammer, if she comes here, she will be followed and I will be in danger again.
- I'm sure if she were going to visit, she - Let me in.
I'm his wife! Oh, I'm sorry I'm so late.
I came as soon as I could.
No! Oh, God, no! Isn't that funny? That's what my wife used to say to me when I came home.
- I thought you were a dead man.
- Not yet.
But very, very soon.
Is something wrong? I am going to be killed and you - Thanks for coming.
- Better get you out of here.
Well, Captain, I guess it's you and me against the whole stinkin' world, huh? Hey, that cop wasn't here before! Hammer, he's one of us! He's a friend! Get offa me! What's the matter? You crazy? Some friend.
He didn't even show up at the funeraI.
Time for his medication.
You have to leave.
I'm afraid I can't do that.
I have to screen everything that enters him.
If you insist.
Doc, can I have a moment of your time? There's a telephone junction over there.
Thanks for your time.
Hammer, aren't you done yet? Well, this thing's clean.
Hammer Could I have a word? I'll administer the anaesthetic to Captain Trunk.
Hey, wait, not so fast.
Let's see some ID.
Sure, fine.
That says you're a doctor.
How can I be sure? Check these out.
All gold cards! He's for reaI.
We need a security check in the operating room.
Follow me.
- No, Hammer, go.
I'll cover you here.
- Captain, you're gonna be just fine.
UntiI you get back.
Doreau, take this away, please.
Anything in particular you're worried about? Oh.
You.
- Where am I? - The X-ray room, Inspector Hammer.
My head, it feels like a speed bump.
Merely a concussion.
Thank goodness.
I was afraid I'd banged it.
Inspector, you've cost us quite a few men.
The way you slugs are moving, Trunk's gonna die of old age.
Trunk will not survive the afternoon.
In a short time, he'll receive an overdose of anaesthetic.
It will be considered a hospitaI error.
I never understand why you guys explain your plan before you kill somebody.
Don't tell me how to do my job, Inspector Hammer.
As for you, you will now receive enough radiation for a thousand lifetimes.
Hammer's been gone a long time.
Something's happened to him.
Thank you, Doreau, for giving me a reason to live.
Help! Help! - Hammer! - Turn me over.
I'm done on this side.
What's going on? Gotta gotta save Captain Trunk.
Then I'm gonna file one helluva malpractice suit! Help me out of here.
All right, nobody move! Drop it! Drop it! - Perfect shot! - I was aiming for his head.
- You'll never take me alive, Hammer! - That's just the way I like it.
Hammer Hammer! Hammer! Oh, God! Uhh! Doreau, what is going on? Hammer just knocked out your anaesthesiologist, sir.
- No need to thank me, sir.
- What about my surgery? We cannot trust anyone.
I'm afraid I'm going to have to remove the bullet.
Hammer, you can't do that.
Hammer, you can't do it! It's OK, I've done it before.
On myself.
Oh, my God! - Don't touch me! - Captain.
Congratulations on your testimony.
Takes a brave man to defy the syndicate.
That's my job, Hammer, I'm a cop.
Nothing can change that.
My ex-wife understands that now.
We're spending the weekend in Lake Tahoe.
Romantic.
She realises there are worse things than being married to a cop.
Like being beat up by one.
Hello? Oh, yes, Commissioner, he's right here.
'I'd like to congratulate you on the job you did guarding Captain Trunk.
' - Well, I did save his life four times.
- Five.
I count not performing that operation.
'Trunk has dealt a major blow to the syndicate.
' - Good to hear, sir.
- 'Yes, but we're not out of the woods 'so I think Hammer should protect Trunk for another month.
'Thanks, gentlemen.
' I wonder if there's a rifle range in Lake Tahoe.