Son of the Beach (2000) s01e08 Episode Script
Miso Honei
Hearme, Lucifer, Lord of Darkness.
Grant me, Adolf Manson, the power ofyour son Satan to kill the scum that put me behind bars Notch Johnson.
Mail call.
Chip, you've got a magazine from Germany.
Wunderbar.
My new issue of Goys'Life.
And,Jamaica, this came foryou.
I wish I had something in my box.
Ah, not so fast, B.
J.
Looks like another letter from your secret admirer.
- Ooh.
- Ooh.
Uh-oh.
Here's a letter says that Chip and B.
J.
need to recertify.
No.
NotJamaica? How come she got out ofit? Heh heh heh! You got to love affirmative action.
Hey! Morning, gang.
- Hey, Notch.
- Hey.
Any mail for me? Uh,just this junk letter.
Oh, that's no junk letter, Kimberlee.
That's my special weather report.
Remember, gang, the best weather reports come by bulk mail.
Oh, no.
What is it, Notch? This forecast.
Partly cloudywith a chance oftsunami.
- [ Gasps .]
- It gets worse.
Malibu Adjacent will be hitwith a tidal wave 1 0 times the size ofanytsunami the one theJapanese call Miso Honei.
[ All .]
Miso Honei? Miso Honei.
Miso Honei.
Tonight's episode [ Announcer.]
Warning: Son ofthe Beach has been known to cause laughter in laboratory mice.
Kimberlee, let me handle this.
I'm afraid so, kids.
[ All .]
Ohh.
See, ifyou were to surf Miso Honei your neckwould be snapped like a breadstick.
[ All .]
Ohh.
Your eyeballs would be sucked out oftheir sockets.
[ All .]
Eww.
And finally, a sharkwould come along and eatyour littlewinkies.
[All .]
Aah! Notch Johnson and Kimberlee Clark my 2 favorite people.
What can I do foryou, Mayor? Notch, 3 words: Surf Miso Honei.
I will not surf that wave.
Now, you listen to me, Johnson.
A wave like this comes around once in a lifetime.
On its own, it's just a blip on theWeather Channel butwith you riding it, it's a-- It's a media frenzy.
One way or another, you're gonna surfthat wave.
Oh, it's nothing to be ashamed of, Notch.
Whowould ride that wave? I knew someone who rode that wave.
Really? Who? Question number 3 for our re-certification test.
What's the best way to pick up a floater? I know.
Scoop up the floater.
What beautiful flowers.
Looks like they're from your secret admirer again.
This guy must really care foryou.
I wonderwho he is.
But, Chip, we should really get back to studying.
Don't even think about studying here.
Because of Notch and that big wave this phone's been ringing like a beeper on a pimp.
[Ring.]
See what I mean? S.
P.
F.
30.
Chip, where else can we bone up? My place is smaller than a machine-gun nest.
How aboutyours? OK, but my onlyfurniture is a waterbed and ceiling mirror.
OK.
No.
No! How many times do a sister have to say no? It's liketalkin' to my stepdad.
I need a favor.
I realize we were lovers once, and lately I've avoided seeing you butyou know the beach much better than I do.
Fine, Anita.
But in return for my services I getyour panties.
I'm notwearing any panties.
Show me where they'd be ifyou were.
Fine.
I'm wearing panties.
Notch's father died trying to surfthatwave.
"Big Red Johnson" And nobody loved him any more than his own son Notchabald.
I'm out ofluck.
Notch is the only one who can surfthatwave.
There is one other guy.
Who-- Who is he? I'd like my payment now.
Grazie! His name is Adolf Manson.
Notch put him behind bars forthe rest ofhis life.
Chappy, you'vejust given me a scathingly brilliant idea.
[ Sniffs .]
Ahh.
Wow, B.
J.
, I can't believe it.
I'm finally entering your nook.
I hopeyou like it.
It's all pink inside.
[ Chip.]
Your secret admirer is generous.
"Roses are red, violets are blue when I think of B.
J.
, I think of" [ Speaking German .]
I didn't know what that last part meant.
It sounded kinda foreign.
It's German.
Ah, here's another one.
"B.
J.
, your eyes are bluer than the Danube in spring.
Your skin is as white as the teeth on a snarling Doberman puppy.
" [ Giggles .]
B.
J I am the secret admirer.
So at least 1 2 hours before Miso Honei, we'll need to evacuate.
The wave's that destructive? Kimberlee, this thing is an earthquake, cyclone and rap concert all in one.
So,Johnson changeyour mind about surfing that wave? Nobody's riding that wave.
Wrong, sweetie.
You see, I've found someone.
Johnson, say hello to an old friend ofyours.
Adolf Manson.
[ Laughs Maniacally.]
Awesome.
This one's from my prison gang.
Whoa.
And this one says I worship Satan.
[ All .]
Whoa.
And this one means I'm a member ofthe National Rifle Association.
[All .]
Whoa! Uhh.
You're disgusting.
How does someone like this get out ofprison? This mayor slut granted me a furlough.
Ohh! Oh.
Ahh.
And all I gotta do is climb thatJapwave and hang 1 0.
That's right.
And ifhe survives he'll be a free man.
Praise Satan! [ Laughing Maniacally.]
You're gonna ride thatwave, Mr.
Manson? You're so cool.
No, he's not cool.
Tommy, can you hear me? He's a waste offlesh who could have used his surfing powers for good.
Well, if Mr.
Manson's gonna ride the wave how comeyou're not gonna ride it, Notch? Because I, uh Because he's a chicken.
Bawk bawk bu-gawk.
[ All .]
Bawk! Bawk! Bawk! Bawk! Bawk! Bawk! Bawk! Come on, dudes, let's go listen to Metallica and make fun of handicapped people.
[ Kids .]
Yeah! Yeah.
Notch Johnson, your archenemy just ran off with your kids.
What areyou gonna do now? All I can think about is you.
Soyou're the one that's been sending me German chocolates German flowers, and genuine BMW motor parts? B.
J.
, I think I'm in love with you.
But, Chip, we're friends.
We work together.
You know the rules.
I know, Notch says don't eat whereyou swim but I have this fantasy.
It's you and me on ourwedding night.
Wow.
What would that be like? What's wrong, Notch? I've never seen you act like this.
You know me toowell, Kimberlee.
It's likeyou putyourwhole fist inside me and pulled something out.
I didn't think I knewyou thatwell.
Kimberlee, this isn't the first time Miso Honei has come to Malibu Adjacent.
So travel backwith me, would you? Back to theyear the 1 960s.
[ Notch .]
I was standing on these very rocks my rocks watching my dad.
He was a giant among men but a giant I never knew.
There wasn't a wave he couldn't conquer until Miso Honei.
But his wave and that big wave is the last I remember ofhim.
[ Crying .]
Oh, Notch, I'm sorry.
I had no idea.
And that fateful image is what I still carrytoday.
[ Crying .]
Uh, Notch, doyou wear-- What? My heart on my sleeve? Yeah, I'm afraid I do.
[ Crying .]
- [ Gasps .]
- [ Gasps .]
Lord have mercy.
Uh, uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, no! Do not tell me I am peeping this.
Look, you two want to have a secret loveJones, fine.
Don't be askin' a sister to break the rules oryou will be talkin' to the hand.
[ Breathing Hard .]
- Awesome.
- Wow.
[ All .]
Whoa! [ Laughing Maniacally.]
Ohh.
Dad, what am I gonna do? How can I teach these kids to follow the right path? Dad? Is thatyou? It that my Big Red Johnson? Yes, it is, son.
Now, what's the problem? Aw, Dad, Miso Honei is back and I'm afraid to surfit.
Son, never letyourself be afraid.
I can't help it, Dad.
I miss you.
I miss the feel ofyour reassuring arm around my shoulder your strong hands stroking my little head mytender cheek poised against yourfirm and hairy bosom.
Son, is there something else you'd like to tell me? No, Dad.
Just tell me how to do it.
Tell me how to ride Miso Honei.
Notchabald, I was neverthere foryou as a child.
But this time, ifyou ride Miso Honei I will be there foryou all the way.
Thanks, Dad.
I'm gonna ride thatwave and I'm gonna save my kids.
Yeah.
Whee! Whee! Son, areyou sure there isn't something elseyou'd like to tell me? Whee! Whee! Whee! From the crowded bluffs of Malibu Adjacent this is your sports announcer waiting out ofharm's way for the killerwave Miso Honei.
And when that wave finally arrives it'll be Notch Johnson versus Adolf Manson in the greatest surfing death match ofall time You two ain't in uniform? What's up? We're quitting the force.
Here's our official letter of resigning.
This is whack.
You really down with this? Wewant a relationship.
Who knows? Maybe someday get married.
And then I'll let Chip invade myfluffy love canal.
Does Notch know about this? Our supreme commander has enough to thinkabout right now.
You file the letter and then we'll tell him afterthewave.
Folks, our blimp has just picked up the first images of Miso Honei.
Oh, my God! That set is huge.
[ Kimberlee.]
Notch, areyou in here? Kimberlee, look.
My dad's lucky trunks.
Hewore these the day he drowned.
Ha ha.
Hey.
Uh, Notch, you think your dad was real scared at the end? Probably so.
He neverwiped out.
Yeah.
I can--I can see that.
Let's sit here, sweetheart.
This'll be a good view ofthe wave.
Let me clean it offforyou, my littleVolkswagen.
It's so dusty likeyourtrailer.
There's no dust in mytrailer.
OK, OK, there's no dust.
You think my place is a pigsty.
No.
I'll do some cleaning when I move in.
Then we can repaint.
What?!.
You can't tell me to repaint mytrailer.
Of course I can.
I'm the man.
[ Speaking German .]
Look, whatever, Chip.
[ Speaking German .]
Just forget it.
You're not gonna tell mewhat to do, mister.
I don't think so! Nein!Nein! [ Kids .]
Manson! Manson! Folks, Adolf Manson is in the house.
[ Cheering .]
I understand you'rejust out ofjail to surf Miso Honei.
Thoughts? Yeah, I want all my little Mansons out there to do somethin' real bad.
I want 'em to break a window trip someone, torture a neighbor's pet! [ Laughing Maniacally.]
[ Crowd .]
Johnson! Johnson! Ladies and gentlemen, Notch Johnson has just entered the ring.
Notch, yourthoughts before you ride thewave of death.
Kids,just remember, I'm doing this foryou.
Tommy, can you see me? Uh, Notch, I want to tell you something.
Um, what I want to say is, uh how much you mean to me, and I want to giveyou something.
Uh, how about a stick of gum? Oh, gum, what a refreshing treat.
Kimberlee, surf's up.
Come on, Manson.
Let's get it on! [ Cheering .]
[ Sports Announcer.]
Well, there they go.
It's good versus evil, and so far, it's a tie.
They seem to be handling the big ladywithout a hitch.
Uh-oh.
Notch Johnson is struggling.
Oh, no.
Myfin must be loose.
How'd that happen? I unscrewed it.
Nowyou're gonna die.
[ Laughing Maniacally.]
Oh.
No! The gum, Notch.
Use the gum.
Huh? The gum? The gum.
Thanks, Dad.
[ Sports Announcer.]
Amazing! Notch Johnson has just fixed his board with a piece of gum.
You're supposed to die, you son ofa bitch! Hey! Back off, bro.
Concentrate on the wave.
Quick, take my hand! I'll saveyou.
Aah! Oh! There goes Adolf Manson.
There's no way we'll ever see him again.
Manson! Only 2 miles to go.
I can make it but I'm Notch Johnson, and I gotta save a life.
I don't believe it! Notch Johnson is actually trying to save Adolf Manson.
Jamaica, get Chip and B.
J.
Notch needs our help.
[ Speaking German .]
Speak English.
I told you, I don't knowwhatyou're saying.
Hey, you two.
Knock offthe lovers quarrel.
We've got lifesaving to do.
We're not lovers anymore.
Plus we quit the force.
I never filed the letter.
There goes Notch's unit to save the drowning surfers.
- Where is he? - I don't see them.
- Notch! - Notch! There's Manson.
Go get him.
[ B.
J.
.]
Notch! Notch! [ Sports Announcer.]
Folks they found Adolf Manson and are bringing him in.
[ B.
J.
.]
Notch! [ Sports Announcer.]
But time runs out for Notch Johnson.
Notch is gonna die? That's not whatwewanted.
Uhh! He's unconscious.
Don't worry.
I'm on it.
- Go! - Clear! [ Groans .]
Take his pulse.
- [Jamaica .]
OK.
- Unh! - Come on, go, go, go! - Clear! - Wait Yeah, that's it! - All right! Very good, yes! - That's it! - We did it! I couldn't find him.
He's gone.
[ All .]
Ohh.
It's all myfault.
Please, Notch.
Please come back.
[ Crying .]
Folks, only a miracle can bring back Notch Johnson the man who dived for our sins.
Look.
[All .]
Aww.
It's a miracle.
Adolf, the S.
P.
F.
30 gang saved your life today.
Yeah.
I want to say I should have listened to Notch.
So I'm giving up worshipping Satan and I'm going backto prison to do mytime.
Besides that, I kinda miss my bitch.
Notch Johnson, you did it.
Not only did you conquer Miso Honei butyou saved a life in the process.
Thanks, Sports Announcer but of course, I owe it all to my dad Big Red Johnson.
Anda piece of gum.
Oh.
[ Laughs .]
B.
J.
, now that we are back on the force can we just be platonic? No, Chip, we should just be friends.
Notch, wereyou scared out there? Me, scared? Ha ha ha.
Not a bit.
Hi, teens.
Notch Johnson here.
Obviously tonight's show was about incontinence.
Now, most people think it's the elderly who can't control themselves.
Well, it's not.
You see, even a youngster like myself can suffer from what doctors call lack of B.
M.
control.
So that's why I developed Notch Johnson's Big Boy Snuggies.
Extra-absorbent, ultracomfortable and you know something? The ladies like them, too.
Hi, Notch.
I likeyour adult diaper.
Thanks, ma'am.
So until next time, this is Notch Johnson saying ride the big one.
Grant me, Adolf Manson, the power ofyour son Satan to kill the scum that put me behind bars Notch Johnson.
Mail call.
Chip, you've got a magazine from Germany.
Wunderbar.
My new issue of Goys'Life.
And,Jamaica, this came foryou.
I wish I had something in my box.
Ah, not so fast, B.
J.
Looks like another letter from your secret admirer.
- Ooh.
- Ooh.
Uh-oh.
Here's a letter says that Chip and B.
J.
need to recertify.
No.
NotJamaica? How come she got out ofit? Heh heh heh! You got to love affirmative action.
Hey! Morning, gang.
- Hey, Notch.
- Hey.
Any mail for me? Uh,just this junk letter.
Oh, that's no junk letter, Kimberlee.
That's my special weather report.
Remember, gang, the best weather reports come by bulk mail.
Oh, no.
What is it, Notch? This forecast.
Partly cloudywith a chance oftsunami.
- [ Gasps .]
- It gets worse.
Malibu Adjacent will be hitwith a tidal wave 1 0 times the size ofanytsunami the one theJapanese call Miso Honei.
[ All .]
Miso Honei? Miso Honei.
Miso Honei.
Tonight's episode [ Announcer.]
Warning: Son ofthe Beach has been known to cause laughter in laboratory mice.
Kimberlee, let me handle this.
I'm afraid so, kids.
[ All .]
Ohh.
See, ifyou were to surf Miso Honei your neckwould be snapped like a breadstick.
[ All .]
Ohh.
Your eyeballs would be sucked out oftheir sockets.
[ All .]
Eww.
And finally, a sharkwould come along and eatyour littlewinkies.
[All .]
Aah! Notch Johnson and Kimberlee Clark my 2 favorite people.
What can I do foryou, Mayor? Notch, 3 words: Surf Miso Honei.
I will not surf that wave.
Now, you listen to me, Johnson.
A wave like this comes around once in a lifetime.
On its own, it's just a blip on theWeather Channel butwith you riding it, it's a-- It's a media frenzy.
One way or another, you're gonna surfthat wave.
Oh, it's nothing to be ashamed of, Notch.
Whowould ride that wave? I knew someone who rode that wave.
Really? Who? Question number 3 for our re-certification test.
What's the best way to pick up a floater? I know.
Scoop up the floater.
What beautiful flowers.
Looks like they're from your secret admirer again.
This guy must really care foryou.
I wonderwho he is.
But, Chip, we should really get back to studying.
Don't even think about studying here.
Because of Notch and that big wave this phone's been ringing like a beeper on a pimp.
[Ring.]
See what I mean? S.
P.
F.
30.
Chip, where else can we bone up? My place is smaller than a machine-gun nest.
How aboutyours? OK, but my onlyfurniture is a waterbed and ceiling mirror.
OK.
No.
No! How many times do a sister have to say no? It's liketalkin' to my stepdad.
I need a favor.
I realize we were lovers once, and lately I've avoided seeing you butyou know the beach much better than I do.
Fine, Anita.
But in return for my services I getyour panties.
I'm notwearing any panties.
Show me where they'd be ifyou were.
Fine.
I'm wearing panties.
Notch's father died trying to surfthatwave.
"Big Red Johnson" And nobody loved him any more than his own son Notchabald.
I'm out ofluck.
Notch is the only one who can surfthatwave.
There is one other guy.
Who-- Who is he? I'd like my payment now.
Grazie! His name is Adolf Manson.
Notch put him behind bars forthe rest ofhis life.
Chappy, you'vejust given me a scathingly brilliant idea.
[ Sniffs .]
Ahh.
Wow, B.
J.
, I can't believe it.
I'm finally entering your nook.
I hopeyou like it.
It's all pink inside.
[ Chip.]
Your secret admirer is generous.
"Roses are red, violets are blue when I think of B.
J.
, I think of" [ Speaking German .]
I didn't know what that last part meant.
It sounded kinda foreign.
It's German.
Ah, here's another one.
"B.
J.
, your eyes are bluer than the Danube in spring.
Your skin is as white as the teeth on a snarling Doberman puppy.
" [ Giggles .]
B.
J I am the secret admirer.
So at least 1 2 hours before Miso Honei, we'll need to evacuate.
The wave's that destructive? Kimberlee, this thing is an earthquake, cyclone and rap concert all in one.
So,Johnson changeyour mind about surfing that wave? Nobody's riding that wave.
Wrong, sweetie.
You see, I've found someone.
Johnson, say hello to an old friend ofyours.
Adolf Manson.
[ Laughs Maniacally.]
Awesome.
This one's from my prison gang.
Whoa.
And this one says I worship Satan.
[ All .]
Whoa.
And this one means I'm a member ofthe National Rifle Association.
[All .]
Whoa! Uhh.
You're disgusting.
How does someone like this get out ofprison? This mayor slut granted me a furlough.
Ohh! Oh.
Ahh.
And all I gotta do is climb thatJapwave and hang 1 0.
That's right.
And ifhe survives he'll be a free man.
Praise Satan! [ Laughing Maniacally.]
You're gonna ride thatwave, Mr.
Manson? You're so cool.
No, he's not cool.
Tommy, can you hear me? He's a waste offlesh who could have used his surfing powers for good.
Well, if Mr.
Manson's gonna ride the wave how comeyou're not gonna ride it, Notch? Because I, uh Because he's a chicken.
Bawk bawk bu-gawk.
[ All .]
Bawk! Bawk! Bawk! Bawk! Bawk! Bawk! Bawk! Come on, dudes, let's go listen to Metallica and make fun of handicapped people.
[ Kids .]
Yeah! Yeah.
Notch Johnson, your archenemy just ran off with your kids.
What areyou gonna do now? All I can think about is you.
Soyou're the one that's been sending me German chocolates German flowers, and genuine BMW motor parts? B.
J.
, I think I'm in love with you.
But, Chip, we're friends.
We work together.
You know the rules.
I know, Notch says don't eat whereyou swim but I have this fantasy.
It's you and me on ourwedding night.
Wow.
What would that be like? What's wrong, Notch? I've never seen you act like this.
You know me toowell, Kimberlee.
It's likeyou putyourwhole fist inside me and pulled something out.
I didn't think I knewyou thatwell.
Kimberlee, this isn't the first time Miso Honei has come to Malibu Adjacent.
So travel backwith me, would you? Back to theyear the 1 960s.
[ Notch .]
I was standing on these very rocks my rocks watching my dad.
He was a giant among men but a giant I never knew.
There wasn't a wave he couldn't conquer until Miso Honei.
But his wave and that big wave is the last I remember ofhim.
[ Crying .]
Oh, Notch, I'm sorry.
I had no idea.
And that fateful image is what I still carrytoday.
[ Crying .]
Uh, Notch, doyou wear-- What? My heart on my sleeve? Yeah, I'm afraid I do.
[ Crying .]
- [ Gasps .]
- [ Gasps .]
Lord have mercy.
Uh, uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, no! Do not tell me I am peeping this.
Look, you two want to have a secret loveJones, fine.
Don't be askin' a sister to break the rules oryou will be talkin' to the hand.
[ Breathing Hard .]
- Awesome.
- Wow.
[ All .]
Whoa! [ Laughing Maniacally.]
Ohh.
Dad, what am I gonna do? How can I teach these kids to follow the right path? Dad? Is thatyou? It that my Big Red Johnson? Yes, it is, son.
Now, what's the problem? Aw, Dad, Miso Honei is back and I'm afraid to surfit.
Son, never letyourself be afraid.
I can't help it, Dad.
I miss you.
I miss the feel ofyour reassuring arm around my shoulder your strong hands stroking my little head mytender cheek poised against yourfirm and hairy bosom.
Son, is there something else you'd like to tell me? No, Dad.
Just tell me how to do it.
Tell me how to ride Miso Honei.
Notchabald, I was neverthere foryou as a child.
But this time, ifyou ride Miso Honei I will be there foryou all the way.
Thanks, Dad.
I'm gonna ride thatwave and I'm gonna save my kids.
Yeah.
Whee! Whee! Son, areyou sure there isn't something elseyou'd like to tell me? Whee! Whee! Whee! From the crowded bluffs of Malibu Adjacent this is your sports announcer waiting out ofharm's way for the killerwave Miso Honei.
And when that wave finally arrives it'll be Notch Johnson versus Adolf Manson in the greatest surfing death match ofall time You two ain't in uniform? What's up? We're quitting the force.
Here's our official letter of resigning.
This is whack.
You really down with this? Wewant a relationship.
Who knows? Maybe someday get married.
And then I'll let Chip invade myfluffy love canal.
Does Notch know about this? Our supreme commander has enough to thinkabout right now.
You file the letter and then we'll tell him afterthewave.
Folks, our blimp has just picked up the first images of Miso Honei.
Oh, my God! That set is huge.
[ Kimberlee.]
Notch, areyou in here? Kimberlee, look.
My dad's lucky trunks.
Hewore these the day he drowned.
Ha ha.
Hey.
Uh, Notch, you think your dad was real scared at the end? Probably so.
He neverwiped out.
Yeah.
I can--I can see that.
Let's sit here, sweetheart.
This'll be a good view ofthe wave.
Let me clean it offforyou, my littleVolkswagen.
It's so dusty likeyourtrailer.
There's no dust in mytrailer.
OK, OK, there's no dust.
You think my place is a pigsty.
No.
I'll do some cleaning when I move in.
Then we can repaint.
What?!.
You can't tell me to repaint mytrailer.
Of course I can.
I'm the man.
[ Speaking German .]
Look, whatever, Chip.
[ Speaking German .]
Just forget it.
You're not gonna tell mewhat to do, mister.
I don't think so! Nein!Nein! [ Kids .]
Manson! Manson! Folks, Adolf Manson is in the house.
[ Cheering .]
I understand you'rejust out ofjail to surf Miso Honei.
Thoughts? Yeah, I want all my little Mansons out there to do somethin' real bad.
I want 'em to break a window trip someone, torture a neighbor's pet! [ Laughing Maniacally.]
[ Crowd .]
Johnson! Johnson! Ladies and gentlemen, Notch Johnson has just entered the ring.
Notch, yourthoughts before you ride thewave of death.
Kids,just remember, I'm doing this foryou.
Tommy, can you see me? Uh, Notch, I want to tell you something.
Um, what I want to say is, uh how much you mean to me, and I want to giveyou something.
Uh, how about a stick of gum? Oh, gum, what a refreshing treat.
Kimberlee, surf's up.
Come on, Manson.
Let's get it on! [ Cheering .]
[ Sports Announcer.]
Well, there they go.
It's good versus evil, and so far, it's a tie.
They seem to be handling the big ladywithout a hitch.
Uh-oh.
Notch Johnson is struggling.
Oh, no.
Myfin must be loose.
How'd that happen? I unscrewed it.
Nowyou're gonna die.
[ Laughing Maniacally.]
Oh.
No! The gum, Notch.
Use the gum.
Huh? The gum? The gum.
Thanks, Dad.
[ Sports Announcer.]
Amazing! Notch Johnson has just fixed his board with a piece of gum.
You're supposed to die, you son ofa bitch! Hey! Back off, bro.
Concentrate on the wave.
Quick, take my hand! I'll saveyou.
Aah! Oh! There goes Adolf Manson.
There's no way we'll ever see him again.
Manson! Only 2 miles to go.
I can make it but I'm Notch Johnson, and I gotta save a life.
I don't believe it! Notch Johnson is actually trying to save Adolf Manson.
Jamaica, get Chip and B.
J.
Notch needs our help.
[ Speaking German .]
Speak English.
I told you, I don't knowwhatyou're saying.
Hey, you two.
Knock offthe lovers quarrel.
We've got lifesaving to do.
We're not lovers anymore.
Plus we quit the force.
I never filed the letter.
There goes Notch's unit to save the drowning surfers.
- Where is he? - I don't see them.
- Notch! - Notch! There's Manson.
Go get him.
[ B.
J.
.]
Notch! Notch! [ Sports Announcer.]
Folks they found Adolf Manson and are bringing him in.
[ B.
J.
.]
Notch! [ Sports Announcer.]
But time runs out for Notch Johnson.
Notch is gonna die? That's not whatwewanted.
Uhh! He's unconscious.
Don't worry.
I'm on it.
- Go! - Clear! [ Groans .]
Take his pulse.
- [Jamaica .]
OK.
- Unh! - Come on, go, go, go! - Clear! - Wait Yeah, that's it! - All right! Very good, yes! - That's it! - We did it! I couldn't find him.
He's gone.
[ All .]
Ohh.
It's all myfault.
Please, Notch.
Please come back.
[ Crying .]
Folks, only a miracle can bring back Notch Johnson the man who dived for our sins.
Look.
[All .]
Aww.
It's a miracle.
Adolf, the S.
P.
F.
30 gang saved your life today.
Yeah.
I want to say I should have listened to Notch.
So I'm giving up worshipping Satan and I'm going backto prison to do mytime.
Besides that, I kinda miss my bitch.
Notch Johnson, you did it.
Not only did you conquer Miso Honei butyou saved a life in the process.
Thanks, Sports Announcer but of course, I owe it all to my dad Big Red Johnson.
Anda piece of gum.
Oh.
[ Laughs .]
B.
J.
, now that we are back on the force can we just be platonic? No, Chip, we should just be friends.
Notch, wereyou scared out there? Me, scared? Ha ha ha.
Not a bit.
Hi, teens.
Notch Johnson here.
Obviously tonight's show was about incontinence.
Now, most people think it's the elderly who can't control themselves.
Well, it's not.
You see, even a youngster like myself can suffer from what doctors call lack of B.
M.
control.
So that's why I developed Notch Johnson's Big Boy Snuggies.
Extra-absorbent, ultracomfortable and you know something? The ladies like them, too.
Hi, Notch.
I likeyour adult diaper.
Thanks, ma'am.
So until next time, this is Notch Johnson saying ride the big one.