Star vs. the Forces of Evil (2015) s01e08 Episode Script

1 [title music plays.]
It's gonna get a little weird Gonna get a little wild I ain't from round here I'm from another dimension It's gonna get a little weird Gonna have a good time! I ain't from round here I'm from another whoo-hoo! Yea-ah! I'm talking rainbows I'm talking puppies Puh-puh-puh-puh-puh- puh-puh-pu-uuhh! It's gonna get a little weird gonna get a little wild I ain't from round here I'm from another dimension! [horse neighing.]
[door creaking.]
Hey, that's a handicap spot.
[playing keyboard.]
Ah, who's that? Look it.
He's hot.
[gasps.]
Aah! Hey, Star.
I'm here to take you to the Blood Moon Ball.
Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.
You need to leave right now.
Take your carriage and fire and dead horse, - and go back to the underworld.
- Wait, I'm dead? Oh, come on, Starship.
It's the Blood Moon Ball! It only happens once every 667 years.
We broke up! Period! Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Star, hang on.
I'm a changed man, okay? I've got a life coach, Brian.
- Hey.
- He's awesome.
A happy bunny.
And, and, I have been anger-free for 53 days.
- 53? - Don't you wanna pet my bunny? Well, he is adorable.
- Hi-yah! - Oh! - Back off, demon! - Marco! [growling.]
- Oh, no.
- Walk it out and talk it out.
Walk it out and talk it out.
Walk it out - Uh, you better run.
- Oh, no, no, no, no.
Ha ha.
No, no.
Oh Oh, that's why I got my support system.
I'm good.
Got the angries out! Everything is hoo under control.
Marco, don't karate him.
This is Tom.
Demon ex-boyfriend Tom? Nice to, uh, meet you, Marco.
What is he doing here? He wants to take me to the Blood Moon Ball.
Star, never go with a predator to a second location.
Look, I can see you're mad.
You think I'm a total jerk.
I get it.
But I have changed.
Remember, I'm not the only one with horns.
Why didn't you tell me I'm dead? [making karate-like groans.]
No pressure.
If you decide you want to go, just toll this bell.
[flames whooshing.]
Oops, almost forgot the little hammer.
I hope I see you there.
You're making a big mistake, Star.
Maybe, but it could be fun.
Why don't you just stay here, where it's always fun? - Like, guaranteed.
- Well, this is a different kind of fun.
Don't look! I'm gonna change.
I just don't trust Tom.
Maybe I should go with you.
Marco, you weren't invited.
Besides, you gotta trust me to do the right thing for my self-aaah - Are you okay? - Yeah, totally, totally, totally.
I just gotta stop using magic on on on my face.
All I'm saying is guys like Tom never change.
Well, there's only one way for me to find out.
What do you think? - You look amazing.
- Thanks, Marco! - [strained whisper.]
Don't go.
- [whispering.]
I'm totally going.
[deep, resonant gong.]
Mmm.
Smells like burnt toast.
Let's get this show on the road! - Which floor, mortal? - Uh, I guess the bottom? - Let me just ride down with you.
- Good-bye, Marco.
See you after the Blood Moon Ball.
Oooooh [groaning.]
[flames wooshing.]
[groaning.]
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Okay, guys.
I don't know what you're about to do, but I want to keep things low-key for Star.
You want to turn the Blood Moon Ball into a greeting card holiday, go ahead.
Wait, which one of you said that? Me.
No, okay, whoever was just talking, raise your hand.
Master Tom, Princess Butterfly has arrived.
Wow.
Star Butterfly.
Don't you clean up nice! Uh, thank you I guess.
- I got you this.
- What is it? It's a hair thing.
It goes in your hair.
It'll help you fit in down here.
How sweet, Tom.
But, yeah.
I kinda got my on thing going on here.
I'm pretty happy with it.
Let's go have fun now.
[angry groan.]
You can be positive that your anger is negative.
[music playing on radio.]
I'll have my own Blood Moon Ball in Star's bedroom, where it's always fun.
MAN'S VOICE: Blood moon tonight.
VOICE: The moon of lovers.
[eerily.]
Smile.
[both groaning.]
Beautiful.
I'm so excited to be covered in blood with you.
But don't worry, it's not real.
It's from a unicorn.
- My best friend is a unicorn.
- Well, they're not related.
I'm not gonna bathe in unicorn blood, Tom.
[stifled angry groan.]
What's that hand doing back there? - Nothing.
- Whoa, wait a second.
- Are you getting angry? - No.
Look, you do you, Boo, I'm gonna go get a drink.
STAR: Here he comes again.
Hello, Henry.
His name is Henry.
- You must be Tom's date.
- I guess I am.
Well, I hope you're happy.
He made this whole entire ball completely boring, all for you.
- I wouldn't say it's boring.
- Oh, really?! Aloof attractive people.
Boring! Bubbling cauldrons that don't even melt your flesh off.
What is it, nap time or something? 'Cause I'm bored.
Piece of garbage that doesn't destroy the universe.
Stupid cockroach that lives inside.
I'm over it already.
[screaming, sobbing.]
- You wanna dance? - Her dance card's full.
Oh, I get it.
I bet you think that, like, your soul, and, like, her soul are totally gonna mmmm! What is "mmmm"? [speaker feedback, clears throat.]
Good evening, ladies n gennlebremen.
It is my pleasure that I request you now to turn your heads skyward when the light of the blood moon drupples down, and selects two lucky souls, binding them together for eternity - in its hypnotic, ruby brodum.
- Whoa.
[eerie organ music playing.]
Oh! That's the wrong piece of music! This is gonna drive me crazy.
All right, don't go anywhere.
I'll be right back.
Okay.
Ooh.
[hushed tone.]
Star.
[whispering.]
Star.
Star! [all gasp.]
Oh! [music playing.]
[gasps.]
[angry groan.]
- Star - How did you know my name? It's me, Marco.
[gasps.]
Marco? What are you doing here? Let's get outta here.
This place is the worst.
[angry growl.]
That dance was meant for me! - Walk it out - No, Brian! [demonic roar.]
Let's go, Marco.
[flames whooshing.]
[bell dings.]
Thanks for the lift.
Ugh! So infuriating.
I hate to say it, but I warned you about Tom.
No, you! You're infuriating.
Me? I was just trying to help.
You don't trust me to do things by myself.
I'm 14.
I can handle a demon.
I know you're trying to look out for me, but you have to let me figure things out on my own.
I don't need a hero.
I need a friend.
[sighs.]
You're right.
I should have trusted you.
I'm sorry I ruined your night.
Well, it wasn't a total disaster.
Now I know you can dance.
[both chuckle.]
Hat hair.
Whoa! We both said the same thing.
Okay, stop that.
[both gasp.]
[stifled laugh.]
[both laughing.]
- Well, that was new.
- Yeah, weird.
Now go make me some nachos! MARCO: Okay.
[pained cries.]
How are you losing? You guys have, like, 200 pounds on her! [crying.]
At least hit her with a rock or something! [growling.]
[frustrated groan.]
Whoo-hoo! Off the cactus, over the tree.
Nothing but net! Unh! Told you I could do it.
[all growling.]
Double or nothing.
One kick, seven monsters.
Hyah! Noooo! After a victory like this, [groaning.]
there's only one thing to do.
- Get Chinese food! - Ooh, Chinese food! I have no idea what that is.
[groaning.]
[angry cries.]
[screaming.]
You guys are useless! [groaning.]
[squeaking indistinctly.]
You're always screwing up my brilliant plans.
I need someone who can wrangle you imbeciles.
Oh, go get change! [bubbling.]
Delicious.
And it's so fun eating with these tiny wands.
["pew pew" shooting noises.]
Oh, and there's cookies, too.
- I don't like the filling.
- These are fortune cookies.
- They can magically predict the future.
- What? No way.
"A friend will greet you with a smile.
" Aww, how sweet.
[gasping.]
- See, the cookies know all.
- No, it can't be.
"Think positive and good luck will come your way.
" [excited shouting.]
More cookies! - They're stale.
- Gimme! You're a weird girl.
Wow, Star.
Good luck did come your way.
It did, it did.
These are incredible.
Star? APPLICANT: Eh, previous job experience? Nope.
No one's ever been dumb enough to hire me.
Weaknesses? I don't have any.
[blergh.]
How am I under pressure? Awesome! LUDO: Hmm, is that so? Ah, yeah, um, why? Did you hear otherwise? I can't take it anymore! [screaming.]
APPLICANT: Where do I see myself in ten years? Oh, we're best friends, and we hang out all the time sharing feelings and holding hands.
[incomprehensible garbling.]
You make absolutely no sense.
Go away.
Soft.
So soft.
LUDO: Next! LUDO: Next! LUDO: Next! LUDO: Next! These idiots are even dumber than you idiots.
West Mewnin swamp water.
- Or, do you drink from the bottle? - On days like this - Tell me about it.
- Oh, I'll tell you [garbled.]
I've been trying to steal a wand from a teenager.
It's harder than it ought to be.
Wait a second.
Where did you come from? - I let myself in.
- When? - After you hired me.
- I hired you? - I accept.
- Excellent.
MAN: We'll start tomorrow.
Get some rest.
LUDO: Uhh did anybody catch his name? Toffee? I guess his name is Toffee.
[birds chirping.]
Oh, wise and powerful cookies, bestow your sugary prophecies upon me.
Ehh Gotcha, Star.
Those fortunes aren't magic.
They're put there by people in a factory.
Next you'll tell me that's how they get the snow in snow globes.
It's clear they're the work of dark wizards.
I'm serious.
They're not real.
They're just vague so you can read things into them.
"An unexpected visitor will soon arrive.
" See? No one's here.
- Now, who wants nachos? - Did someone say nachos?! Well, hello, my unexpected visitor.
Ferguson, Star thinks fortune cookies are magical.
Will you please tell her they're not? Now, whoa, man.
Whoa.
Cookies are magical! Once, I ate one from the floor of a cab, and I met my spirit animal that night.
It was a wolf.
Why are you suddenly a non-believer? "Reach for the stars and achieve your dream.
" [groaning.]
[screaming.]
[alarmed yelling.]
- Huh? - Pegasus feathers.
I have always dreamed of having a skylight in here! [groaning.]
Blindly following these fortune cookies is the best decision I've ever made.
Can you give me a hand? Yes.
Okay, Toffee, I'm going to show you what we're working with here.
This is my house, this is my house This is my my house This is my house, this is my This is my house, this is my house This is my [yelling.]
[groaning, screaming.]
Guess I'm doomed, huh? - Be honest.
I can handle it.
- Ludo, Master.
The girl thinks the messages in her cookies are fortunes.
- She does whatever they say.
- Interrupting! Well, Toffee.
Give it to me straight.
Are my monsters the worst ever, or what? Uh [groaning, cracking.]
Oh, man.
It's stuck.
Maybe we can do something with those fortune cookies.
What? What is what, what? - You sure you trust him, boss? - Of course.
Oh, last cookie.
I can't wait to get more! Star, I'm telling you, they'll back me up at the restaurant.
- Food can't predict the future.
- Sure it can.
On Mewni, there's a place where you can get calzones that'll tell you how you're gonna die.
You will die from choking on a calzone.
Just kidding.
Heh heh.
A giant's gonna sit on your face.
[music.]
My house, my house What are they doing? Shh.
I think one of them's about to get served.
This is my house, this is my Well done.
[growling.]
Fooled you, ha ha ha! - Hi-ya - Hold on.
"Love is always the answer.
" Hmm.
What?! Not in this case.
Fighting is.
Sorry, Marco.
It's not the will of the cookie.
Really? Now? Whoa! Hugs.
There's the wand.
- I can totally grab it.
- Patience.
[sad moan.]
Hi-ya! [clucks.]
Star, forgot that stupid fortune.
Help me! Sparkle, don't fight.
Then they'll stop fighting you.
STAR: Trust the cookie.
[laughing.]
MARCO: Hey, let me out! Hey, hey! You guys really need some hugs.
It's actually working.
Love is always the answer.
[excited yelping.]
There it is! Out of my way! [excited squealing.]
Mine! Mine! - Yes! Yes! Yes! - Back off, dude.
I've been waiting for this since middle school.
What? You idiots are screwing up the plan.
- Plan? - Huh? [sighs.]
Okay, look, Star.
This is really hard to say, but, if this is going to go any further, I want our relationship to have a foundation of honesty.
- Me, too.
- So confused.
Fortune cookies aren't real.
It was all a trap so Ludo could steal your wand.
[panicked squeals.]
- Anyway, I hope - We hope We hope this isn't a deal breaker.
You know what this means, don't you, Star? Oh, yeah.
Love is never the answer.
Oh, man.
I wanted to say it.
Mega mushroom destruction blast! [whimpering.]
[screaming.]
[all groaning.]
Welcome to my life.
[groaning.]
Sorry, I should have listened to you.
Obviously you know better than a dessert.
No, it's my fault.
I shouldn't have messed with you and said those fortunes were magical in the first place.
[door opening.]
Oh, weird perky girl.
You want some more stale cookies? Who could say no to that? [chuckles.]
What? They're not real fortunes, but they're still real cookies.
"A great evil has been unleashed.
" BOTH: Ooooohh.
Cheers.
That was the closest we've ever come, but that girl always gets the best of me.
Yes, well, you're not the first monster to fall victim to their magic.
LUDO: Things will be different when I get the wand.
[laughs, makes "pew pew" shooting sounds.]
[music.]
I think Earth is a pretty great place That's saying something 'cause I've been through outer space I think it suits me, it's just my style I think I'm gonna stay a little while I think that strangers are just friends you haven't met I'm blasting monsters and I never break a sweat I'm really thinking I could call this place home