Stripperella (2003) s01e08 Episode Script
Evil Things Come in Small Packages
1
Oh, it's so nice to spend
a relaxing afternoon
away from the club.
Crikey, mate!
It's jolly nice to be somewhere
where blokes ain't always
staring and drooling
at your kachoinkers.
Oh, nice kachoinkers!
Criminy, aren't you cold
in that skimpy, little bikini?
No.
Actually, I'm impervious
to all temperatures
and weather conditions.
Crikiny, just like Stripperella!
Oh, did I say "impervious"?
I meant, brr!
I'm freezing!
Hey, nice
Purse snatchers!
I'm gonna go find
a carrot for the nose.
Yee-ha!
Oh, you creeps!
That purse is a Gucci!
And this was supposed
to be my day off.
Ugh, no, Stripperella!
Shoot her!
Huh, ha!
Missed me!
Use the rocket launcher!
Darn!
Ugh!
Arrrrrrrhhh! Argggggghhh!
One purse, unsnatched.
Oh, thank you!
How can I ever repay you?
Mmm, do you have a carrot?
Hey, a midget!
So I'm too short to play
your little game, am I?
Well, now, it's your turn
to be too small!
Aaaaahhhhh!
I'm gonna shrink
the whole world!
Then, I, small fry,
will be the tallest man alive!
Hey, stud,
that comb-over is sooo sexy.
How about a private dance?
All I have is this 10 bucks,
is that enough?
Give me that!
I'm gonna take that
just for wasting my time.
Now, beat it,
you repulsive freak of nature!
Hands off your peckers, guys.
Clap it up for Giselle!
I hate when the
coin convention's in town!
Hey, an 1858 flying eagle cent.
Oh, my belly ring's vibrating.
I mean, uh,
my Nelly thing's migrating.
Which is Swedish for,
I gotta pee.
Chief Stroganoff,
agent 69 reporting for duty.
Stripperella, where are you?
I'm at the tender loins.
As you know,
when I'm not Stripperella,
I lead a normal life
as mild-mannered exotic dancer,
Erotica Jones.
Yes, well,
as the head of F.U.G.G.,
the secret organization
you work for,
I certainly hope
that no one finds out
that you are Erotica
and Stripperella.
Yeah, if anyone found out
that Erotica Jones
and Stripperella
were the same person,
it could be catastrophic.
So what's up, chief?
Something big?
Worse, something small.
Get in here, immediately.
Erotica is Stripperella?
Oh, I'm gonna tell everyone,
it'll ruin her.
Excuse me, I'd like to
return this can of motor oil.
It's leaking, see?
Oh, you must wantTender Loins,
the auto shop.
This is tender loins,
the gentlemen's club.
Oh, no, I think I just got
a lap dance from a mechanic
at the auto shop!
Everyone, listen to me!
Erotica is
Woo!
Cat, are you okay?
You're not gonna sue, are ya?
I came out here
to say something important,
but I hit my head,
and now I can't remember
what it was.
Yeah, yeah, brain injury,
memory loss, whatever.
Just sign this waiver
saying you won't sue.
Agent 69, thank god you're here.
Another comically-broad,
evil villain is at large.
Here, watch this.
Can't you hear my rump talking?
Hear my rump talking?
Ah, it's saying,
"shake it, chief, shake it.
Shake it, chief,
shake it!"
Uh, chief?
What does this have to do
with an evil villain?
Nothing.
I just needed
an outside opinion.
Do you think I've got what it
takes to be an American idol?
Well, your singing
could use some work,
and, frankly, the outfit
makes me a little uncomfortable.
Thank god the auditions
are still two weeks away.
Now, let's watch this tape,
this is the one
with the evil villain.
I am small fry!
Don't be fooled
by my small size,
for the size of my evil
is directly
inversely proportional
to my diminutive stature!
No, that's confusing, okay
Can someone get me a step stool
or lower the camera?!
No, forget it!
The point is,
I'm very, very evil!
I've created a shrink ray,
and I'm going to shrink
the entire world!
A phone book to stand on?!
Anything?!
Small fry must be stopped.
Do you realize what he can do
with that shrink ray?
He can shrink people,
buildings, Bridges,
lamps, shrunken heads
Chief, I got it,
it shrinks things.
Exactly, things like,
cabbage, squirrels,
and you know those little
Those little clippy things that
the girls put in their hair?
Why, he could
shrink those things
And, also, shrink wrap.
I get to take it home, first.
I get to take it home, first!
Don't call her "it", it's "her".
It's mine!
Give her to me!
No!
She wants me!
She does not!
Hey, Hal, Bernard.
Hey, Stripperella!
Wow, you've built
an exact duplicate of me!
Now, that if I'm involved
in a dangerous mission,
we could use this as a decoy.
Brilliant!
Uh, yeah, that's what it's for.
Yeah, it's for missions
and stuff.
So what else do you have for me?
The bottomless purse.
It can hold
an infinite amount of objects.
And it's Prada!
We also have
super magnetic earrings.
Originally from Tiffany's,
your favorite.
Oh, let me see!
Let me see!
I think they're
in the bottomless purse.
Midgets, dwarves, elves
and other assorted tiny people!
For years, we've been laughed at
for our small stature
And our funny walk.
Don't forget your voice.
Oh, yes, and my
Wait a minute,
what's wrong with my voice?
It's a little high-pitched,
is all.
A little high-pitched?
Is that some kind of short joke?
"Oh, I'm so little
that my voice must be
a little high-pitched?!"
No, you misunderstand.
Misunderstand?!
Oh, because I'm so short
that I have to understand?!
Is that what you're saying?!
No, that's
Wahhh!
Help!
Help!
Now, are there
any other short cracks?
Uh-uh. Nothing.
No, sir.
Good!
Then, let's go shrink the world!
I can't find
my crotchless g-string.
Hmm, maybe I'll borrow one
from Erotica.
Oooh,
"secret Stripperella stuff"?
Erotica is Stripperella?
Oh, I'm gonna tell everyone!
If those bowling balls
had hit me on the head,
they probably would've
caused me to forget
that Erotica is Stripperella.
Oh, no, I've lost my memory!
Erotica is Stripperella!
Oh, I can't remember a thing!
Erotica is Stripperella!
Oh, I forgot, again!
Erotica is
Damn!
This is skip withers
with breaking news.
An evil villain,
going by the name of "small fry"
is downtown at this very moment
shrinking everything in sight.
Unfortunately, that includes me.
Oh, no, toddler!
Normally, I'd be excited
by a man who's 12 inches,
but that's ridiculous.
Hmm
Where did Erotica go?
Help, help!
I am trapped underneath
extremely heavy beams!
I'll help you
Be small!
Yay!
I am saved!
Think again!
Help!
I am trapped underneath
extremely heavy beams!
I'll save you.
Ooh, nice kachoinkers!
It's Stripperella!
Get her!
After her!
Get her!
Hold it right there,
Stripperella!
Looks like
it's a small world after all.
Instead of shrinking everything,
wouldn't it have just been
easier to enlarge yourself?
You know,
create an enlarger ray?
Yes, but you don't!
Shut up!
Now, one more blast of this ray,
and you will shrink
right out of existence!
But before I kill you,
I want to give you
needlessly-detailed information
about my life and plans.
Really, you don't have to,
it's okay.
I was once an ordinary,
carefree,
height-challenged person.
I sold doors, door to door.
Would it have been so hard
to look down?
No, but it didn't end there.
Every day brought
a new set of humiliations.
My entire life has been
one big string of embarrassment,
frustration, disappointment
and premature ejaculation.
Don't even get me started
on the short jokes.
Sure, it wasn't all bad.
One day, I decided
that I would no longer be small.
I would make others small
and then I could humiliate them!
So, you see, Stripperella, I
Hey, where'd she go?
I don't know.
She must have escaped
during the flashback.
Damn!
Tonight's presentation
of "little women",
starring Martin Short
and Minnie Driver,
is brought to you
by "teeny tiny Timmy's
itsy-bitsy mini muffins."
Just a sec.
Oh, chief, come in.
Stripperella!
I came straight
from rehearsal and I
Good god, you're tiny!
Chief, I'm turning in my mask
and my pleasantly-revealing
uniform.
My days as a superhero/
secret agent are over.
I'm through!
What are you saying?
I'm no good to anyone anymore.
Look at me!
I'm just glad your brother
isn't around
to hear you talk like that.
Chip?
That's right, chip.
Chipperella was the best
stripper/secret agent
we ever had.
He didn't know the word, "quit".
He got his memory erased once.
We managed to restore
most of it,
but the word "quit"
was gone forever.
I wish he was still here.
I know, but when he got
such a great deal
on that duplex across town,
he had to move.
Chip was the best.
Yes.
But not because he was tall.
It was because he had heart
and brains,
and an ass that could crack
a walnut at 20 yards
just by looking at it.
What does that mean?
I don't know.
But what I do know is this,
there's only one agent capable
of stopping small fry,
and that agent's name
ends with "erella"!
You're right,
I can defeat small fry.
I will defeat small fry!
Actually, I was talking
about chip.
She's far too tiny.
Time to kick a little ass!
Hey there handsome.
Science makes me
Horny.
Shiver me' shillelagh,
you're big, again!
Oh, Hal oh, Bernard
You're so sexy.
Sweet potato famine!
Who are Hal and Bernard?
Take me
Take me, now!
Water, anyone?
Oooohh!
Ooh, I guess
she's got him all hot!
Hey, guys, up here!
A little Stripperella
goes a long way!
You're next, small fry.
Is it ready, yet?
I just need a little more time.
Oh, little more time?
What was that?
Some sort of short joke?
No, no
"no"?
That's a pretty short word.
Oh, short like me,
is that what you're saying?!
Oh, fry, now, you're
just being ridiculous.
Just give me the remote!
Small fry, your chances
of shrinking the world
have just shrunk.
Sorry, Stripperella,
small fry is about
to be supersized.
From now on, you can
call me "large fry"!
By the way,
thanks for giving me the idea
for the enlarging ray!
Uh-oh, I'm in big trouble.
"Big trouble"?
What is that,
some sort of tall joke?
You have serious issues.
And you have seconds left
to live!
Razor heels, activate!
Ow, ow, ow, ow!
I know there's something
that I'm forgetting.
Look out, cat!
Hey, watch where you're wait!
I remember, I remember!
Erotica is Stripperella!
I'll ruin her!
What the
Oh, no!
I'm gonna lose my memory, again!
Damn, I did lose
my memory again!
Ah, I forgot everything!
Gotta get that shrink ray.
Magnetic earrings,
do your stuff!
Those were from Tiffany's!
Objects in mirror are smaller
than they appear!
Goodbye, Stripperella!
No, I don't want to be
small again!
Wait a minute, I'm normal!
This is great!
Finally, I'm normal size!
Oh, this is the greatest day
of my entire
I should have seen that coming.
Your shrinking days are done!
Oh, yeah?
Oh, what are you gonna do?
I'm still bigger than you!
Ever hear the expression,
size doesn't matter?
Yeah, is that true?
Ordinarily, no,
but in this case
Looks like you're gonna spend
a little time
in the big house!
Oh, is that supposed to be
some sort of short joke?!
Yes, as a matter of fact, it is.
Okay, we've reconfigured
the enlarger ray.
Now, instead of turning you
into a giant,
it should return you
to your normal size.
Let's do it.
Uh guys?
We'll try again.
Whoopsy, sorry.
All the buildings
and automobiles
have been returned
to normal size,
and, so, thanks to Stripperella,
the world is, once again,
safe to laugh at
and mock people
of smaller statures.
Is she okay?
She'll be okay,
but the doctor said that
she'll never recover her memory
of anything she's learned
in the last 72 hours.
So where have you been?
You just ran out of here
and disappeared for two days!
I guess you could say
I was dealing
with a little problem.
Oh, it's so nice to spend
a relaxing afternoon
away from the club.
Crikey, mate!
It's jolly nice to be somewhere
where blokes ain't always
staring and drooling
at your kachoinkers.
Oh, nice kachoinkers!
Criminy, aren't you cold
in that skimpy, little bikini?
No.
Actually, I'm impervious
to all temperatures
and weather conditions.
Crikiny, just like Stripperella!
Oh, did I say "impervious"?
I meant, brr!
I'm freezing!
Hey, nice
Purse snatchers!
I'm gonna go find
a carrot for the nose.
Yee-ha!
Oh, you creeps!
That purse is a Gucci!
And this was supposed
to be my day off.
Ugh, no, Stripperella!
Shoot her!
Huh, ha!
Missed me!
Use the rocket launcher!
Darn!
Ugh!
Arrrrrrrhhh! Argggggghhh!
One purse, unsnatched.
Oh, thank you!
How can I ever repay you?
Mmm, do you have a carrot?
Hey, a midget!
So I'm too short to play
your little game, am I?
Well, now, it's your turn
to be too small!
Aaaaahhhhh!
I'm gonna shrink
the whole world!
Then, I, small fry,
will be the tallest man alive!
Hey, stud,
that comb-over is sooo sexy.
How about a private dance?
All I have is this 10 bucks,
is that enough?
Give me that!
I'm gonna take that
just for wasting my time.
Now, beat it,
you repulsive freak of nature!
Hands off your peckers, guys.
Clap it up for Giselle!
I hate when the
coin convention's in town!
Hey, an 1858 flying eagle cent.
Oh, my belly ring's vibrating.
I mean, uh,
my Nelly thing's migrating.
Which is Swedish for,
I gotta pee.
Chief Stroganoff,
agent 69 reporting for duty.
Stripperella, where are you?
I'm at the tender loins.
As you know,
when I'm not Stripperella,
I lead a normal life
as mild-mannered exotic dancer,
Erotica Jones.
Yes, well,
as the head of F.U.G.G.,
the secret organization
you work for,
I certainly hope
that no one finds out
that you are Erotica
and Stripperella.
Yeah, if anyone found out
that Erotica Jones
and Stripperella
were the same person,
it could be catastrophic.
So what's up, chief?
Something big?
Worse, something small.
Get in here, immediately.
Erotica is Stripperella?
Oh, I'm gonna tell everyone,
it'll ruin her.
Excuse me, I'd like to
return this can of motor oil.
It's leaking, see?
Oh, you must wantTender Loins,
the auto shop.
This is tender loins,
the gentlemen's club.
Oh, no, I think I just got
a lap dance from a mechanic
at the auto shop!
Everyone, listen to me!
Erotica is
Woo!
Cat, are you okay?
You're not gonna sue, are ya?
I came out here
to say something important,
but I hit my head,
and now I can't remember
what it was.
Yeah, yeah, brain injury,
memory loss, whatever.
Just sign this waiver
saying you won't sue.
Agent 69, thank god you're here.
Another comically-broad,
evil villain is at large.
Here, watch this.
Can't you hear my rump talking?
Hear my rump talking?
Ah, it's saying,
"shake it, chief, shake it.
Shake it, chief,
shake it!"
Uh, chief?
What does this have to do
with an evil villain?
Nothing.
I just needed
an outside opinion.
Do you think I've got what it
takes to be an American idol?
Well, your singing
could use some work,
and, frankly, the outfit
makes me a little uncomfortable.
Thank god the auditions
are still two weeks away.
Now, let's watch this tape,
this is the one
with the evil villain.
I am small fry!
Don't be fooled
by my small size,
for the size of my evil
is directly
inversely proportional
to my diminutive stature!
No, that's confusing, okay
Can someone get me a step stool
or lower the camera?!
No, forget it!
The point is,
I'm very, very evil!
I've created a shrink ray,
and I'm going to shrink
the entire world!
A phone book to stand on?!
Anything?!
Small fry must be stopped.
Do you realize what he can do
with that shrink ray?
He can shrink people,
buildings, Bridges,
lamps, shrunken heads
Chief, I got it,
it shrinks things.
Exactly, things like,
cabbage, squirrels,
and you know those little
Those little clippy things that
the girls put in their hair?
Why, he could
shrink those things
And, also, shrink wrap.
I get to take it home, first.
I get to take it home, first!
Don't call her "it", it's "her".
It's mine!
Give her to me!
No!
She wants me!
She does not!
Hey, Hal, Bernard.
Hey, Stripperella!
Wow, you've built
an exact duplicate of me!
Now, that if I'm involved
in a dangerous mission,
we could use this as a decoy.
Brilliant!
Uh, yeah, that's what it's for.
Yeah, it's for missions
and stuff.
So what else do you have for me?
The bottomless purse.
It can hold
an infinite amount of objects.
And it's Prada!
We also have
super magnetic earrings.
Originally from Tiffany's,
your favorite.
Oh, let me see!
Let me see!
I think they're
in the bottomless purse.
Midgets, dwarves, elves
and other assorted tiny people!
For years, we've been laughed at
for our small stature
And our funny walk.
Don't forget your voice.
Oh, yes, and my
Wait a minute,
what's wrong with my voice?
It's a little high-pitched,
is all.
A little high-pitched?
Is that some kind of short joke?
"Oh, I'm so little
that my voice must be
a little high-pitched?!"
No, you misunderstand.
Misunderstand?!
Oh, because I'm so short
that I have to understand?!
Is that what you're saying?!
No, that's
Wahhh!
Help!
Help!
Now, are there
any other short cracks?
Uh-uh. Nothing.
No, sir.
Good!
Then, let's go shrink the world!
I can't find
my crotchless g-string.
Hmm, maybe I'll borrow one
from Erotica.
Oooh,
"secret Stripperella stuff"?
Erotica is Stripperella?
Oh, I'm gonna tell everyone!
If those bowling balls
had hit me on the head,
they probably would've
caused me to forget
that Erotica is Stripperella.
Oh, no, I've lost my memory!
Erotica is Stripperella!
Oh, I can't remember a thing!
Erotica is Stripperella!
Oh, I forgot, again!
Erotica is
Damn!
This is skip withers
with breaking news.
An evil villain,
going by the name of "small fry"
is downtown at this very moment
shrinking everything in sight.
Unfortunately, that includes me.
Oh, no, toddler!
Normally, I'd be excited
by a man who's 12 inches,
but that's ridiculous.
Hmm
Where did Erotica go?
Help, help!
I am trapped underneath
extremely heavy beams!
I'll help you
Be small!
Yay!
I am saved!
Think again!
Help!
I am trapped underneath
extremely heavy beams!
I'll save you.
Ooh, nice kachoinkers!
It's Stripperella!
Get her!
After her!
Get her!
Hold it right there,
Stripperella!
Looks like
it's a small world after all.
Instead of shrinking everything,
wouldn't it have just been
easier to enlarge yourself?
You know,
create an enlarger ray?
Yes, but you don't!
Shut up!
Now, one more blast of this ray,
and you will shrink
right out of existence!
But before I kill you,
I want to give you
needlessly-detailed information
about my life and plans.
Really, you don't have to,
it's okay.
I was once an ordinary,
carefree,
height-challenged person.
I sold doors, door to door.
Would it have been so hard
to look down?
No, but it didn't end there.
Every day brought
a new set of humiliations.
My entire life has been
one big string of embarrassment,
frustration, disappointment
and premature ejaculation.
Don't even get me started
on the short jokes.
Sure, it wasn't all bad.
One day, I decided
that I would no longer be small.
I would make others small
and then I could humiliate them!
So, you see, Stripperella, I
Hey, where'd she go?
I don't know.
She must have escaped
during the flashback.
Damn!
Tonight's presentation
of "little women",
starring Martin Short
and Minnie Driver,
is brought to you
by "teeny tiny Timmy's
itsy-bitsy mini muffins."
Just a sec.
Oh, chief, come in.
Stripperella!
I came straight
from rehearsal and I
Good god, you're tiny!
Chief, I'm turning in my mask
and my pleasantly-revealing
uniform.
My days as a superhero/
secret agent are over.
I'm through!
What are you saying?
I'm no good to anyone anymore.
Look at me!
I'm just glad your brother
isn't around
to hear you talk like that.
Chip?
That's right, chip.
Chipperella was the best
stripper/secret agent
we ever had.
He didn't know the word, "quit".
He got his memory erased once.
We managed to restore
most of it,
but the word "quit"
was gone forever.
I wish he was still here.
I know, but when he got
such a great deal
on that duplex across town,
he had to move.
Chip was the best.
Yes.
But not because he was tall.
It was because he had heart
and brains,
and an ass that could crack
a walnut at 20 yards
just by looking at it.
What does that mean?
I don't know.
But what I do know is this,
there's only one agent capable
of stopping small fry,
and that agent's name
ends with "erella"!
You're right,
I can defeat small fry.
I will defeat small fry!
Actually, I was talking
about chip.
She's far too tiny.
Time to kick a little ass!
Hey there handsome.
Science makes me
Horny.
Shiver me' shillelagh,
you're big, again!
Oh, Hal oh, Bernard
You're so sexy.
Sweet potato famine!
Who are Hal and Bernard?
Take me
Take me, now!
Water, anyone?
Oooohh!
Ooh, I guess
she's got him all hot!
Hey, guys, up here!
A little Stripperella
goes a long way!
You're next, small fry.
Is it ready, yet?
I just need a little more time.
Oh, little more time?
What was that?
Some sort of short joke?
No, no
"no"?
That's a pretty short word.
Oh, short like me,
is that what you're saying?!
Oh, fry, now, you're
just being ridiculous.
Just give me the remote!
Small fry, your chances
of shrinking the world
have just shrunk.
Sorry, Stripperella,
small fry is about
to be supersized.
From now on, you can
call me "large fry"!
By the way,
thanks for giving me the idea
for the enlarging ray!
Uh-oh, I'm in big trouble.
"Big trouble"?
What is that,
some sort of tall joke?
You have serious issues.
And you have seconds left
to live!
Razor heels, activate!
Ow, ow, ow, ow!
I know there's something
that I'm forgetting.
Look out, cat!
Hey, watch where you're wait!
I remember, I remember!
Erotica is Stripperella!
I'll ruin her!
What the
Oh, no!
I'm gonna lose my memory, again!
Damn, I did lose
my memory again!
Ah, I forgot everything!
Gotta get that shrink ray.
Magnetic earrings,
do your stuff!
Those were from Tiffany's!
Objects in mirror are smaller
than they appear!
Goodbye, Stripperella!
No, I don't want to be
small again!
Wait a minute, I'm normal!
This is great!
Finally, I'm normal size!
Oh, this is the greatest day
of my entire
I should have seen that coming.
Your shrinking days are done!
Oh, yeah?
Oh, what are you gonna do?
I'm still bigger than you!
Ever hear the expression,
size doesn't matter?
Yeah, is that true?
Ordinarily, no,
but in this case
Looks like you're gonna spend
a little time
in the big house!
Oh, is that supposed to be
some sort of short joke?!
Yes, as a matter of fact, it is.
Okay, we've reconfigured
the enlarger ray.
Now, instead of turning you
into a giant,
it should return you
to your normal size.
Let's do it.
Uh guys?
We'll try again.
Whoopsy, sorry.
All the buildings
and automobiles
have been returned
to normal size,
and, so, thanks to Stripperella,
the world is, once again,
safe to laugh at
and mock people
of smaller statures.
Is she okay?
She'll be okay,
but the doctor said that
she'll never recover her memory
of anything she's learned
in the last 72 hours.
So where have you been?
You just ran out of here
and disappeared for two days!
I guess you could say
I was dealing
with a little problem.