Stuck in the Middle (2016) s01e08 Episode Script

1 Lewie, Beast and Daphne are away for the weekend, which means I get to do something I've never done before.
The backwards couch flop.
Normally, if I did this, I would land on at least four other people, and half a pizza.
This is what it's like not sharing a bathroom.
I actually have time to brush all my teeth, not just the ones that show.
And this, my friends, is what it's like to not have to kidney punch people to get to the milk.
Even if it smells like cheese that's been left in a gym bag.
Listen up.
With your mom and the tornado trio at Grandma's tonight may be the first time in 16 years that I've been able to watch an entire ball game.
So unless there's a fire, a felony or a fracture, forget I'm your father.
Already forgotten.
Got plans.
- Me, too.
- Me, too too.
Wait.
Does that mean I'll be the only kid in the house tonight? That's like Halley's Comet.
It only happens every 75 years.
Like Beast putting the toilet seat up.
Or down.
Or even hitting the toilet.
Look, I love my brothers and sisters, but because of them, I've never had a successful slumber party.
My friends either get driven away by the younger kids HARLEY: Beast, Lewie, no! Or sucked in by the older ones.
Changing your part adds instant bounce.
Body, blah.
Body, blah.
GIRLS: Oh! But tonight, all that's going to change.
Dad, can I have a slumber party? That sounds like a question for your father.
I'm just some guy watching the game.
Well, if you see my dad, tell him thanks.
What's this? Flavored creamer? Nice.
Cheesecake.
Nothing but the best for you, Dad.
Hey, hey, hey Sometimes it feels like things are outta control Like you're living in a circus Tryin' to figure out your way in the world Where you're at is kinda perfect So turn it up, turn it up Do your thing, don't stop Let the games begin, let's jump right in I wanna get stuck with you In the middle of the party We're just getting started I wanna get stuck with you In the eye of the tornado, rowin' in the same boat I wanna get stuck with you Get stuck in the middle with you I wanna get stuck with you All of the stars have aligned for Harley's Comet Sleepover, which includes an actual comet we're gonna watch from the roof.
Sure, the roof's off limits, but the tattletales have left the building.
Think fast! Was that a pass to me? Not important.
What is important is tonight, league MVP and my personal hero Mikaela Mendoza drops her new, limited edition basketball shoe.
I wrote all about it on my blog.
- "I'm a basket case.
" - You nailed the title.
Come on.
We gotta go now to get a good place in line.
Georgie, I can't.
I have plans, once-in-a-lifetime plans.
But you promised you'd go with me.
I did? When? Since I'm helping you test your new spray tanning helmet, will you come with me to get new basketball shoes next weekend? Sorry, Georgie.
I'm pretty busy.
How's my tan? Amazing, right? Grab me a mirror.
Forget the mirror.
Tell me all about these super cool - basketball shoes we're getting.
- Okay.
Right.
The Oompa Loompa incident.
Just because I love basketball doesn't mean I wanna look like one.
Can't you just go alone? No.
They only give out one pair per person, and I need two one to play in and one to look perfect when I walk down the aisle.
I'm sure I'll read all about it on your blog.
We're jetting in 20.
We'll be in line all night, so don't wear tight shoes.
You don't wanna end up with feet like basketball legend Andrea Ahlgreen.
Hammer toes.
Later.
Yeah, okay.
Whoa! Where do you think you're going? Library.
Hannah's picking me up to do homework.
- (motorcycle revs) - Bye.
I know that sound.
That's the sound of you dropping out of school.
- No, it's Cuff.
- One leads to the other.
I don't know what bothers me more, that you lied to me, or you put so little effort into it.
Really? I put so little effort into everything, except this.
I didn't think you'd care that much.
You're not Mom.
Sure, you get mad and stuff, but Mom's the one that brings the punishment.
It works for you guys.
Why mess with it? Come on, Ethan.
You gotta go with Georgie for me.
I've got one night to go through Beast and Lewie's stuff and get my stuff back.
No dice.
Actually, dice.
What's more important, your stuff or your favorite sister? My favorite video game, my favorite comic book, algebra book.
This can stay lost.
I wonder if those little looters have my snow jacket.
I'm going back in.
Raiders of the Lost Parka.
I'm trying to do you a solid here, bro.
All my girls are coming over for a sleepover tonight, and I know how much you enjoy that.
(camera shutters clicking) (shrieking) Okay, okay.
I'll go.
At least I can read this when I'm in line.
Well, I found the boys' gum collection.
Ellie.
You're two hours early.
I'm so excited, I came for the pre-party.
There is no pre-party.
I should've guessed from the lack of paparazzi out front.
Never mind.
I'm just glad you're here.
I wasn't sure you were coming.
You said your mom doesn't like slumber parties, - or our family.
- She doesn't.
She calls them the first step on the slippery slope to living an alternative lifestyle.
It's only a sleepover.
No.
That's what she calls your family.
But she said I could go as long as I snooped in your medicine cabinet.
Snoop away.
There's nothing in there but a broken thermometer and a box of peanut brittle Mom thinks she's hiding from us.
Oh.
So, hit me with the party deets.
I just read that in a magazine.
Get ready.
I've been planning this night for ten years.
I supersized some speakers so we can pump-kin up the bass.
Thanks to a little food chemistry, I've prepared a 20-flavor potato chip bar.
And the best part is, everybody's gone, so we have the room to ourselves, and your exclusive membership as my best friend allows you into our VIP lounge.
What are you doing here? Dad grounded me.
Is she on the list? Out! Let me talk with her.
I can usually reason with her.
Rachel.
And stay out! I don't think this is one of those times.
No, no, down, down! Aahhh! Hey, Dad.
Not seeing blood or smelling fire.
Go away.
I would, but I'm trying to get ready for my sleepover, and Rachel's hogging up the room.
She said you grounded her.
Yep.
Mom's not the only one dropping the hammer round here.
You can call me Thor.
No, wait, call me God of Thunder.
Ooh, commercial's over.
Call me later.
If you think Thor would ground his daughter by letting her watch Dance Dads on her laptop while live blogging about it, then go ahead.
Wait.
Rachel's live blogging Dance Dads right now? And she's also texting her friends, saying how harsh your punishment was.
Winky face, winky face.
Really? Well, I'm gonna take away her electronics, and make her study in her room all night.
- Sad face, sad face.
- What? What? Sad face not a thing? Rachel in my room? All night? How am I supposed to have my party? Panic face, panic face.
Oh, idea face.
If you want Rachel to do her homework, she needs to be down here with you.
Sitting in the same room as a caring parent.
That's what she calls punishment.
You're right.
- Rachel, get down here.
- Better to text.
RACHEL: Downstairs? Seriously? Look how close we are to the front of the line.
Oh, it's awesome.
It's even more awesome how far away from Harley's girlfriends we are.
At least I hope we are.
They can't drive yet, can they? Look.
We're even ahead of Molly Hooper.
What a ball hog.
Ball hog? She rides the bench almost as much as you do.
Exactly.
She hogs the part of the bench right by the ball rack.
Prime real estate.
Why is she even here? Her feet aren't anything like Mikaela Mendoza's.
Big-time toe fungus.
Maybe later.
Hey, look at that.
People are selling their place in line.
Losers.
I wouldn't give away this spot for a million dollars.
Hey, let's see if we can get a wave going.
You've got seven more hours in line.
Why not? Anybody willing to give up their spot? Oh, thank you so much for giving me your spot.
No, we were just doing the wave.
Can I offer you a high-protein snack? Some jerky or Greek yogurt? I really need these shoes.
You see, my father volunteered to spend a year in space, but before he goes, he's doing this contest with me so we can win some money to replace our house that burned down.
And I think it would really help us win if he was wearing a pair of Mendozas.
Oh, I forgot.
Look at what I got for us.
Laser pointers.
There's a PowerPoint later.
Mom made a great one for my sixth birthday.
Twenty reasons orange slices are better than birthday cake.
Reason number one: you can't peel a cake.
No.
These are to drive the neighbors' dogs crazy.
Slumber parties are all about crazy hijinks.
And tonight will be the hijinks-iest.
Do we get to play Truth? You mean Truth Or Dare? Mom and I only play Truth.
You mean there's another part? I'm starting to think my parties were a bust.
Well, our bad parties are a thing of the past.
Tonight, we're turning it all around.
(glass smashing) Thirteen broken mirrors? No bad luck there.
I'll go grab a broom.
Bad luck's starting already.
How are you back so soon? We gave up our place in line to a girl who needed the shoes more than I did.
Yeah, her father's gonna spend a year on a space station.
There are many requirements for being an astronaut.
Cool sneakers, not one of them.
You guys got duped by a sob story.
It wasn't a sob story.
They were trying to enter a contest.
And there wasn't any time to ask questions.
Their house just burned down.
I think we got duped by a sob story.
How did we not see that? It's so obvious in the replay.
Because you guys are too honest.
I am not.
Okay, that's a lie.
Face it, you're the Diaz softies.
Before you say anything, we know it was a lot to spend for a giant teddy bear, but it was for a good cause.
Habitat for Jerry's Spring Break.
And it was the only giant teddy bear salvaged from the Titanic.
I feel so violated.
Even more than when your friends wait for me outside the bathroom.
There is only one way you're going to feel better.
You need to march right back to that store and take your place in line back.
How? What would bad girl point guard Mikaela Mendoza tell you? She'd say, "Georgie, get back in the game, and if someone plays dirty, play dirty back.
Also, eat Sporty-O's, the slam dunk of cereals.
" Godspeed, softies.
Why is the guy with the red hair on the red team? The teal team is way more his palette.
(scoffs) They don't dress according to palette.
It's more about skill set.
Wha And now I missed the rare triple play.
- (turns channel, lively music plays) - Stop, stop, stop! That's Dancing With My Dad.
It's a two-hour season finale.
Please.
Just during the commercial? What's the difference between Dance Dads and Dancing With My Dad? DD is about dads whose daughters dance.
DWMD is about dads dancing with their daughters.
You know what? TMI.
Come on.
It's a good show.
The families always have some major tragic thing that happened, and everybody at the end cries.
It's really fun.
I get that.
I almost cried when I missed that rare triple play.
Welcome to Star Club 360.
Everything a young astronomer needs.
And sparkling cider.
It's T-minus 30 minutes till the crew arrives.
Uh, I guess this is a bad time to tell you that I'm afraid of heights.
Then it's definitely a bad time to tell you you just locked us out.
How did you lock us out? The girls are gonna be here any minute.
I can't talk.
Panicking.
Why didn't you tell me you were afraid of heights before? I didn't know.
Mom won't let me on anything higher than a step stool without a three-point safety harness.
Anybody! Quiet.
If my dad hears, we're in trouble big time.
There's gotta be something up here to get us down.
In this family, if you want something to disappear, you know where to throw it.
Wow, Mom, you brought prune loaf again.
I cannot wait to dig in.
(glass shatters) Please tell me your amazing brain has come up with something to get us down.
Not yet.
But on a creepy note, now we know where Daphne sends her naughty dolls.
Can you figure out something fast, because I just remembered, I'm also afraid of the dark.
(wings flapping) And birds.
Okay, I don't know who invited Crazy Rooftop Ellie, - but she needs to chill.
- I'm trying.
Okay, that bird fear, not so crazy.
Oh! This guy is so good.
How can the judge say he has two left feet? Because he does have two left feet.
Literally.
He makes it look so easy.
Huh? Huh? What do you think? I think those chips deserve a better salsa.
Okay, that girl played us.
Now we gotta find someone to play.
Totally done being the pushovers of the family.
Okay.
Too mean.
Too nice.
Too much like Mom.
Aw, she's got a dog.
This is too hard.
I'm out.
(sighs) I can do this.
I must do this.
If not for me, for Mikaela Mendoza.
Excuse me, I was wondering if you'd give me your place in line.
My father is an astronaut, and we're raising money to buy him shoes to get away from the fire, because his space station burned down, and (sighs) Here's a dollar for your time, and another one for pain and suffering.
Bye.
You're not on a roof, Ellie, you're on a tropical beach.
Smell the surf.
Feel the sun on your shoulders.
Great.
Now I'm getting sunburned.
No.
You put on pretend sunscreen.
- Right.
- (wings flapping) Incoming! (whispering) He's after us.
Okay, let me think.
The girls will be here soon, and when Dad comes looking for me it'll be bye-bye, sleepover, hello, Thor's mighty hammer of discipline.
Why do my parents ever listen to me? Harley, look.
We have to raise their attention without raising any attention.
It's official, Ethan.
We are the softies of the family.
The champs of chump.
Prince and princess of patsies.
The Diaz doormats.
Maybe we're just nice people.
Oh, sure, rub it in.
Shoes.
One, two, cha-cha-cha.
Three, four, cha-cha-cha.
Legs together.
Legs together! Just my luck.
I can't get the shoes I want, and now random ones are raining from the sky.
Great.
We're cold, hungry, and now shoeless.
All I wanted was one successful sleepover before I'm too old.
I'd get up and give you a hug, but my nails are dug pretty deep into these shingles.
(wings flapping) If that bird's not careful, it is going to get a beak full of prune loaf.
Man, this thing's like a brick.
Maybe I can use this to get us down.
I'll wedge it into this pipe, shove the hockey stick in it, and use it to catapult me safely onto the Goldsmiths' awning.
DOLL: Mama.
HARLEY: Test run, epic fail.
Okay, the trajectory's a little off.
But if I stopped up the rain gutter with the prune loaf The prune loaf isn't gonna stop up anything.
Trust me, that prune loaf stops up the whole family.
(wings flapping) Just do it, do it! Wow.
The pillow really does help keep the legs together.
You have to admit, it feels pretty silly.
No sillier than Dominguez not running out that ground ball.
Oh, you were listening.
- This is super weird.
- I know.
Usually, Dad only does the Robot.
He doesn't know how over that is.
(gasps) Ooh, Dad, it's final elimination.
Zip it and sit or we'll miss the crying.
Okay, we are about to find out if Lamar's sloppy footwork in the pasa doble will send him home.
ANNOUNCER: And according to your votes, America, the first father-daughter team leaving us tonight is (static) This cannot be happening.
Oh, that stupid satellite dish.
If my dad finds me splattered all over the cement, remember, I was never up here.
Harley! What are you doing up here? Quite possibly riding a prune loaf to my death.
Get in here.
You know you're not supposed to be on the roof.
I wanted to watch a comet for my sleepover, and we got locked out.
- Well, you're grounded.
- Grounded? I grounded two kids tonight; Mom's gonna be pretty impressed.
Thor is bringing the thunder.
My sleepover may look more lifeless than that dead doll on the Goldsmiths' driveway, but I am not giving up.
Gotta say, I'm just glad you found us.
We were out there for almost an hour until you noticed we were gone.
But you were probably doing something pretty important, right? Yeah, I was watching TV and learning to cha-cha.
At least you got Rachel to finish her homework.
Mom doesn't need to know everything that happens here, as long as you don't do this again.
- Trust me, I won't.
- Good.
Come on.
Guys.
Guys! You were out here, too? Ellie, you know it's not safe.
Look! The comet! It's beautiful.
(wings flapping) I guess he enjoyed it, too.
HARLEY: Okay, maybe it's not the super sweet slumber party I had planned.
Look.
It's her.
The girl we gave our place in line to.
My dad may be going into space, but today, I met two angels from heaven.
Those are my shoes.
We're not suckers after all! At a moment like this, all of us bonding on the couch, maybe it's better than a slumber party on the roof.
I know it's rarer.