Teenage Bounty Hunters (2020) s01e08 Episode Script

[Blair]
what was weird is the storage unit.
Besides adults have storage units.
They store things,
like beach chairs.
And maybe she was getting out
those stacks of cash for the gardener.
And the gun.
Yeah!
Hey, next time I get stuck
in a loop like that,
you have my full permission to slap me.
Sterling.
-Sterling!
-Slap you. Got it.
[speaks Spanish] Señorita Carolina?
[clears throat] Señorita Carolina.
Since you're in such a talkative mood,
come up and help me with this exercise.
Sorry.
Students, in preparation
for your upcoming oral exam,
let's work on your conversational Spanish.
Who'd like to converse with Carolina?
[person clears throat]
Carlos, come chat with your girlfriend.
Señora O’Reilly,
we
my and Carolina
we to break.
We broke.
Uh
We no more love.
Now not together.
Oh no! What happened?
[gasps]
Maybe it was his difficult mother
and her obsession with protecting
the family's sapphire business.
What?
What?
Keep going.
I'm noodling on an idea for a telenovela.
Hello, Carlos. You look nice today.
How was your evening?
Hi, Carolina.
I had in a good day-- Night.
To
I played guitar with my friends.
Uh Music.
I am work. Worked?
Working.
I am working on a new song.
Uh That's great.
I hope I can hear your song.
What is it called?
The song name is "Cozy Couch of You."
[chuckling]
What happened in your night?
Uh
Chloe has worms.
The pretty girl has many, many worms.
-[groaning]
-I'm sorry.
It's okay.
That flow state
is where the real learning happens.
These skills will elevate you from basic
to telenovela.
Please take one and pass along.
Hi. I didn’t know
you were right in front of me.
All year.
It's my assigned seat.
I'll help her.
That dummy and her clumsy claw hands.
Ooh, don't worry.
I have gym next period.
I'll break into her locker
and spit on her mouth guard.
[chuckles]
[theme music]
[vocalizing]
[school bell rings]
Hey.
Hi. Sorry about the paper skurfuffle
back there.
Whatever.
Paper.
Paper happens.
Yeah, to the blight of most rainforests.
Hey, we should talk. Don't you think?
-About what?
-About us and what happened.
Something happened?
You thought that was nothing?
No.
[sighs]
Um I'll come over after school today?
My mom went for a visitation
with my dad this morning,
so she'll be going
from pickling vegetables
to screaming at the wedding album
for the rest of the day.
How is your dad?
Do you really care?
No. I mean, not about your dad.
I barely know the man.
I was more asking about
how it was affecting you.
Like, do you talk to him?
I don't accept his calls
and I use his letters
to line Sergeant Bilko's litter box.
Okay. Well, we can't do it at my house
because Blair's wonder twin powers
have been activated and are on high alert.
So we need to be on neutral,
undetectable ground.
What about the Fun Zone?
Just two kids out for an Icee
and a game of Dance Dance Revolution.
-I would never.
-Street Fighter II?
Skee-ball?
I suppose the clacking of wooden balls
is somewhat satisfying.
Okay. See you there.
[people shouting]
Okay, guard the crease!
Protect the crease!
Yes, guard the crease, sweetheart!
You don't even know what the crease is.
Of course I do.
It's the circle around the goal.
Yeah, yeah. See? I'm not
so sports illiterate, huh? [chuckles]
Hey y'all!
Oh, my goodness. Hey! [chuckles]
What are y’all doing here?
We're just watching the golf tryouts.
Gotta, you know,
keep our eye on the stats
for when Luke snaps out of it
and gets back on the team.
Well, we don't even know
if he wants to play anymore so, you know--
Well, have you asked him?
No, have you? Hmm.
-It's good to see you, Bud.
-Yeah, Anderson, it is.
Yeah, we've really missed y'all.
[chuckles]
They're always so great together,
-aren't they, hon?
-Mm-hm.
Yeah. What's your antidepressant?
Maybe I should switch.
[both chuckle]
No. No magic pill here,
just good old-fashioned communication.
-Right, honey?
-Yeah.
Well, we would love
to have y'all over for dinner soon.
I really miss our double dates.
Oh, we'd love to.
How about tomorrow night?
Sure. Like, in between
-[clears throat] I'm not finished--
-Good. That's great.
[beeping]
Maybe it's for our college fund
and she mistrusts banks?
Hey!
You said you'd wait for me
so we could eat together.
Yeah, well, you're a little unreliable.
See, if I waited on you to eat
or stop talking about your mom,
I'd probably starve. To death.
-[beeping]
-[scoffs]
Be more nice.
Be more reliable. Focus on us.
You're right.
My metalworks teacher
has someone coming from MODA tomorrow,
I guess they have some kind of
ongoing installation at the Museum,
and Mr. Philpott thinks my sculpture
has a shot at it.
Hey, that's all kinds of amazing!
Mm-hm.
-What shirt are you wearing?
-Oh, this one.
Is it new?
No.
Okay, well, I don't think
I've ever seen it before.
I can't imagine
what it feels like or smells like.
Yeah, well, you'd know if you
weren't so damn busy.
You've worked every night this week.
That yogurt gig
is seriously sidelinin' my game.
I promise that I will make
it up to you tomorrow night.
It's going to be so great.
Probably the greatest date of all time,
if I had to guess.
Just promise you won't flake.
I swear on Sterling's grave.
But she's still alive.
Yeah, but she's, like,
the purest person that I know,
so it holds a lot of weight
even in the abstract.
I gotta go.
Hey, wear that shirt tomorrow
and don't wash it before,
so it has double your smell.
All right, well, it works for me.
Bye, Blair Bear.
Bye, Miles Miles.
-["Good Time Being a Woman" playing]
-[video game bleeps]
We can go out drink with the boys ♪
Put 'em all under the table ♪
We can roll up convertible toy ♪
All dolled up ready and able ♪
To do what we want ♪
Say I do it for me ♪
They say they know just what we want
But only we know what we need ♪
Did you tell anyone?
Blair thinks I’m helping Josie Wentz
with her anatomy homework.
Which I did, for ten painful minutes.
She writes her letters from the bottom up.
She also crosses her sevens like an "F".
That girl will be lucky
to get into Alabama.
I don't think we should even
joke about something like that.
I meant, though
did you tell anyone about us?
That we're..
gay?
We are?
I am.
How do you know, um, like, for sure?
In second grade, Adele Meisner told me
she was moving to Arizona.
I ugly cried and swore that I was
going to run away from home
and track her down.
Then her mom called my mom
because Adele felt
threatened.
I was pretty intense back then.
Yeah, I mean,
you're super chill now, so
I
But I get it.
You were sad your friend was leaving.
There have been a lot of Adeles
over the years.
I crush hard on girls
and only girls.
It's a fait accompli.
Have you ever acted on it before us?
You're the first.
And, in case you're wondering,
no, I do not believe that God
is going to smite me for being a lesbian.
He made me, along with narwhals
and those tiny blue poison frogs,
so clearly he has a master plan.
I don't think I'm ready
to fully label myself one way or another.
I like girls and I like boys, too,
but I don't like-like anybody right now
except you.
When I think about you, which is, like
all the time, I get dizzy
and my maxilla goes numb. [chuckles]
Right here?
And do your
patellas quiver?
I'm surprised I'm still standing.
Are you guys done yet?
This is my lucky lane
and I'm only 5,000 points away
from winning the giant poop emoji.
Dream big.
Come on.
[laser blasts]
This doesn't change who we are at school.
We can't let on
that we're anything but sworn enemies.
-I never hated anyone more.
-chuckles]
Mm. And you can't tell Blair.
She's my sister.
You know how word spreads.
If one person knows, everyone knows.
This has to be kept a secret.
Unless
you don't want to do this anymore.
I do, very much.
Good.
Me, too.
[Blair] How could you keep this from me?
When did you first
taste this flavor profile?
Um, like, a week ago.
Last week?
We implemented a 24-hour turnaround rule
on sharing information
for a reason, Sterl.
I thought that was just for,
like, major events.
If the discovery of a new
and delicious topping combination
isn't a major event,
-then I don't know what is.
-You're right, I'm sorry.
Once again, I wade through
the mind-numbing, teen-themed vortex.
Yogurt toppings aren't teen-themed.
Yeah, they are all ages.
I wade through the all-ages vortex
to bring your attention to our skip.
Oh.
Adam Johanneson. Also known as "Fren-Z."
Oh, yeah.
I know him.
He's the dude who's ripped off,
like, every major song hook
for the past decade.
Yeah, well, this Vanilla Ice
is also guilty of trafficking
heavy loads of drugs.
Got Yolanda out 150K.
Aw. Your eyes turn into little hearts
when you say her name.
-Please, stop it.
-Yeah, Bowsy.
You and Yolanda's name
should get a room.
-Uh-uh. That's not why she left.
-Now that's Michelle's gone, you could--
I made a decision for myself
to close that chapter of my life.
You pruned the roses
so that new blooms could grow.
No.
Y'all are trippin'.
Yolanda and I
are just keeping things professional,
and this is the most professional
it's ever been.
She's never thrown me a big case
like this before.
We've got a good track record
going right now.
Okay?
Let's try not to screw it up.
You hear me?
All right.
This guy's job says
"EDM DJ"?
All those letters
supposed to mean something?
Yeah, you know, EDM.
You know, like:
Everybody whoo ♪
Whoo whoo whoo whoo  whoo whoo ♪
Bed squeak, bed squeak, bed squeak
Horn! ♪
Wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa ♪
Call nine-one-one! ♪
That didn't help.
Yeah, EDM,
it stands for Electronic Dance "Music,"
although I don't know
if it can actually be considered music,
seeing as it's just
pressing buttons, uh
I'm genuinely asking.
Huh.
God, you're deep.
I don't say this enough.
I am so grateful to have you in my life.
Oh.
A person who makes me ponder and grow.
Oh, Blair, I'm so grateful for you, too!
-Hey, you know what I'd be grateful for?
-Yolanda?
Someone to sweep up this mess of jimmies
on the floor here
while I figure out how
we gonna catch this ripoff artist.
See that there?
That's a broom.
Wow.
-Winner, winner, chicken dinner.
-I didn't--
-Clean up the jimmies.
-I didn't do that.
Oh, my gosh, look at that.
You're so much closer to the broom.
Thanks, Sterl. You're the best.
[speaking Spanish]
We're a few days away from your big exam.
Let's switch up partners
and see what discoveries await.
-Blair.
-Yes.
Please agree to be my partner
before Brenda with the not-so-great breath
turns my way.
Ooh.
Okay, I will totally save you from that.
Hey, I just partnered with Luke
because of Brenda and her bad breath.
[chuckles] Partners again.
[mock groan] You? Really?
[groans]
Do you want to start the conversation
or should I?
Well, knowing you,
I'm sure you're dying to go first,
so go ahead.
[clears throat]
It's so hot in Mexico this time of year.
Would you like to join me
for an evening swim?
Oh.
[both giggle]
[Luke] I miss your family.
My home and parents.
-It's not great.
-Yes.
How is Chloe?
She still has many worms.
That is so Chloe.
[Blair chuckles]
[pronouncing Spanish words]
Hey! Psst!
I think she's good.
[Blair] Is your tongue okay?
What? Yeah, what?
That thing just now with April.
What was she, like, training you
for the Olympics of speaking Spanish?
It's fine. She can't help herself.
Please stop
not saying bad things about April.
-[cell phone bleeps and dings]
-Oh.
Bowser got a lead on that Fren-Z guy.
[groans]
4 p.m.? No!
I-- I can't!
I have a date today with Miles
and I swore on your future grave
that I wouldn't flake.
-Hmm. Pinning that for later.
-Whatever.
Our first lock-in meeting
is today after school.
You know, if I don’t show up
they're gonna assign me
some lame job like vomit patrol.
-Ew.
-[cell phone bleeps and dings]
-[sighs]
-Oh.
"Be there or be dead."
Oh, no, he's learned how to use emojis
just to threaten us.
That's serious.
We should be serious, too.
A job worth doing
is a job worth doing well.
Ooh, Bible?
-Instagram.
-Oh.
Grand Forces
Hey, that's right by
the O'Quigleys' on Peachtree.
I'll make my date there with Miles
so I can be with Bowser before,
from 4:00 to 6:00.
And then you can come cover
when you're done
with your lock-in meeting.
No vomit patrol.
Yes, great!
You know, we are really nailing
this work-life balance.
-Mm.
-Why do women complain so much?
It's super easy to have it all.
We might not know
everything there is to know just yet.
We've got to be close.
The woman at Target
did call me "ma'am" yesterday.
[gasps] I'm telling you!
[Bowser] That's far too much
liquid consumption while on the job.
-[rock music playing]
-I'm fine.
We've been here a while.
Do you think he decided it was too risky
to slip in some studio time?
You're right. He probably snuck in
through his super-secret-
no-paparazzi-Beyoncé-back-door.
Never again speak of Beyoncé's back door.
[groans] That is not what I meant, child!
Come on. Let's go check out the inside.
Okay, but it's almost six o'clock.
What, you turn into a pumpkin at six?
No, that's when Sterling gets here.
Well, we'll fill her in.
Where is that "Blair, go get 'em" energy
that I'm always trying to squash?
You're always asking
for some undercover work.
Here's some covers to go get under.
Come on!
Hi, I'm the manager of Blackheart here.
-Hi.
-She's a singer and, uh
A songwriter.
-Yeah.
-Singer-songwriter.
I'm fresh off my Disney contract
and ready to do something new.
Something that's
a little more me, you know?
Goodbye, Mickey Mouse ears
and hello, overtly sexual devil horns.
We'd like to tour your facility
and see if they can handle everything
Miss Blackheart has in mind, here.
The superstar room.
-Mm-hm.
-Show me where Janelle Monáe laid it down.
Four is our VIP Studio,
but it's booked today.
Who's the VIP?
Girl, I wish I knew.
They booked under a pseudonym.
I mean, unless Burt Reynolds
just has risen from the dead.
Oh. One could hope.
Uh, give me one minute?
-Sure, do your thing. Right.
-Okay.
[Bowser mutters indistinctly]
Hi. Yes, it says
That could be him.
Nice work, Blackheart.
[woman] Okay. Perfect. Let me
Um
I've got to pee.
Goddamn it, I told you
about them liquids, didn't I?
-Didn't I?
-Yes.
-Hurry up.
-Okay.
You never listen.
-Sorry.
-Self-hydrate.
Well, she's so ♪
Tou-ou-Ou-ou-Ou-Ou-ou-ough ♪
That's why I love her ♪
Love her ♪
Love her ♪
So tough, ah-hah ♪
She's tough ah-hah ♪
Oh, look at that girl ♪
-Ah-hah ♪
-Mmm, baby ♪
-Ah-hah ♪
-Whoo hoo hoo ♪
-Hey! Miles!
-Hey!
I'm sorry I'm late.
See, punctuality is just this little thing
that helps us organize
around the space-time continuum.
It's no big deal.
Okay, it won't happen again.
I'm letting it go. Letting it go.
You wore the shirt.
-[chuckles]
-Oh.
-It's nubbier than I'd imagined.
-Yeah?
Yeah.
I am so happy to be out of the house.
-Really?
-Yes!
My mom, when she is stressed,
we are all stressed.
See, she has this fundraiser thing
going on at the house tonight,
so we've been tiptoeing around.
We're not allowed to sit on the furniture,
for fear we might mess up the pillows.
[chuckles]
She was wiping down my footsteps
right out the front door.
Oh, my God.
My mom is exactly the same.
It's, like, God forbid
people actually look like
they live in the house
when company's coming over.
It's, like, our family is so tidy
-we don't even leave butt-impressions.
-[chuckles]
But when you think about it,
butt-impressions are kinda nasty, though.
Yeah, especially when they're warm?
And then you sit on them.
Ew. Do you think someone left
a butt-impression here before?
I don't know, but I'm about to.
Scoot over.
[grunts] Scooch.
Yes, come over here
and give me your butt-impression.
That's gross.
-All right, are you hungry?
-Always.
Cheers, y'all. We made it.
[Debbie chuckles]
Oh, y'all, it has been so strange
not seeing Luke around the house.
Tell us, how's he doing?
He's gone full fruit and nuts on us.
-He carries around a guitar all day.
-[Debbie] Oh.
He's wearing a ring on his thumb,
like he's the damn Governor of California.
Please don't shame our son
for his creative expression.
Boys have feelings, too.
So do men.
Hm. Impossible to tell.
Well, I think it's just wonderful
that he's picked up a new hobby.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
Well, how about Sterling?
Oh, she's pretty good.
I mean, the girls are so busy with school
and their new job that we barely see them.
Bet you're taking advantage
of all that alone time.
Mm-hm.
Well, you know, we do our best. [chuckles]
[Lynn chuckles]
Debbie, these glasses are gorgeous.
Thank you. Um, just William Sonoma.
-Hm.
-Oh, Lord.
We don't need any more glasses.
Do you have any idea
how many glasses we have in our cabinet?
We've had glasses from our wedding
that have probably never
touched a person's lips.
Yeah.
I wasn't implying
that I wanted new glasses,
I was just giving a compliment.
See, that's when you say
something nice to someone.
Anyone?
That's new.
You know, I don't think
I've ever heard about your wedding.
I'm sure it was gorgeous,
knowing your taste, Lynn.
Too bad I didn't get to plan it.
[forced chuckle] No, that honor
was literally wrestled away from me
by my dearest mother-in-law.
[Anderson] Literally wrestled?
[snickers] I've got to hear that story.
Well, my mama is the epitome of decorum.
[chuckles] Yeah, nothing says decorum
like SPAM served at a reception.
-It was corned beef hash.
-It was pig slop.
Yeah, you know what they say
about mothers-in-law, right?
"Better a knife in the back,
so at least you don't have
to see them when you die."
Mother's not that bad.
-Didn't say she was.
-You implied it.
Maybe I did.
All right, uhhhh
Uhhhh
Or maybe-- maybe I should get
the loaded grilled cheese?
-What do you think?
-Tomatoes, bacon and three cheeses?
That's all you.
Bring it all.
Chips and salsa, the grilled cheese,
the jalapeño poppers,
and the swiss mushroom burger
with extra fries and a side of ranch.
Thank you so much, Elizabeth.
That is a ton of food.
No. Okay, a little bit,
but we'll have a smorgasbord.
-A smorgasbord?
-Yep.
I don't-- I've never heard anyone
say that in real life.
It's Swedish
for “food-in-mouth adventure.”
-O-- Okay.
-[forced chuckle]
Oh, my God, you know what I just realized?
I forgot to tell her
how I like my burger cooked.
-I'll find her.
-Oh, no, no.
You know what
I've got to go talk to the chef directly.
I don't trust words to describe
my preferred meat temperature.
It's weird. I have reference photos.
Be right back.
-[cell phone buzzes]
-[gasps]
Hey. Sorry, the lock-in meeting ran late.
Uh, I'm leaving now.
You haven't even left yet?
Oh, my God, get in that Volt
and drive it like you stole it.
But carefully. Precious cargo.
Just hurry!
Well, she's so ♪
♪Tou-ou-Ou-ou-Ou-Ou-ou-ough ♪
That's why I love her ♪
So tough ♪
-Ah-hah ♪
-Mmm, baby ♪
Ah-hah ♪
-Whoo hoo hoo ♪
-Ah-hah ♪
Yeah, all right.
She's here now, so we can--
-[hip hop music playing]
-That was a hell of a piss.
You've been gone 20 minutes.
Hey.
This isn't really about me peeing.
We both know that, buddy.
This is about
This is about you and Yolanda.
-How in the he--?
-Yep. Hey!
I really think
that you are selling yourself short.
-What are you afraid of, Bowser?
-I'm not afraid of anything.
-Oh.
-Okay?
-Okay.
-I’m being respectful.
We’re friends and colleagues.
Wow. Well, you know who else
started out as colleagues?
-Michelle and Barack.
-Oh.
Can you imagine if they had stopped there?
You owe it to your country
to see it through.
You all right? You look a little sweaty.
Um
It's really not okay to point out
someone's sweat patterns.
Sweat sensitivity
is a thing with you kids--?
Jesus Chri--
Okay. [chuckles]
I'm sorry. I didn't know.
-Wow.
-Mm.
You admitted you were wrong,
and then were open to change.
There's not enough people
like you out there, Bowser.
Yeah, how many people
do you know, anyway, huh?
Miles says he likes my ripeness.
Okay, you two ready?
-Yes, please.
-All right, you sure?
-So, ready. Come on.
-Okay, let's go.
We're a full-service studio.
We've been open now about 26 years.
[Bowser]
Yeah, you can almost smell the talent.
-Uh, that's definitely weed.
-[Bowser chuckles]
What's your security situation like?
Is there another entrance
besides this one?
I'm keeping a low profile
while my stylist perfects my new look.
We're still tweaking it.
It's all about branding.
-[cell phone rings]
-Mm. Uh, okay, FedEx.
Uh, let me sign for this
and I'll come back.
This is the kitchen, bananas,
you know, yeah.
Thank you.
Mm. Peanut M&Ms.
Hey, put those back.
Probably charge you four times
what you can get them for
down at the Publix.
We're not actually renting space here.
Pretty sure these are free as a bird.
No. I'll get my own--
I'm not the one lighting money on fire,
letting the studio go unused. Z?
We talked about this.
You may not use those words with me.
-Hmm.
-Oh, my God, Bowser.
-What?
-She is so into you.
You need to go flirt it up. Get in there.
No, stop it. You are seeing things, child.
Um, no, I am not.
Look, you're the one who told us
that we needed to go undercover.
I've obviously killed it.
Now it's your turn to be Foxy Brown.
What?
I guess you would be more of a Fox-o Brown
because you're a man.
Please stop. Don't ever do that--
-[woman] Ready for the rest of the tour?
-Oh, we are, but first,
I'm sorry, could I hit the ladies'?
Are you serious?
Yeah,
I really overdid it with the liquids.
-Plus, you could
-Mm.
-[chuckles] Yeah.
-Follow me.
Oh, girl. We got Toto toilets
in every stall.
It is so depressing
going home to a regular john.
Toto?
['50s pop music playing]
[blows into hand]
I found love ♪
Tonight ♪
Hey.
You should definitely add
"portraits of diverse women"
to the scavenger hunt, Hannah B.
That’ll keep people busy.
Hmm. I feel so bad
that Ezequiel got stuck with puke duty.
He could have picked a different time
for his appointment.
He's having
emergency kidney stone removal.
And what, doctors refuse to do surgery
-on the weekends?
-Oh, gosh darn it! Um
I forgot my water bottle in Fellowship.
Ezequiel's stones are a great reminder.
-We got to stay hydrated.
-Mm-hm.
I think I also left
my water bottle in there.
I'll wait for you here.
Oh, you can go ahead.
You rode in with me today.
And that means I have to
ride home with you, too?
No. Sorry for assuming that.
Whatever.
Are you still coming to dinner tonight?
My mom made
lamb chops.
There it is.
Sorry. [chuckles]
I didn't actually leave my water bottle.
I know.
It was an excuse to get you back here.
I'm glad you caught on.
[chuckles]
And you went so far as
to actually leave yours?
Well, that way it wasn't a lie.
How are you so good?
You're good, too.
You're just trapped in a lie, that's all.
And lying is the worst.
I've been doing it to Blair for days now,
and I really, really don't like it.
My neck's all tense,
like it gets when I'm hangry.
At least this version of lying
comes with decent benefits.
It doesn't have to be like this.
We should be able to be ourselves
and be together,
like, together-together.
You serious?
Was it fun when you got outed with Luke?
Because this would be
a zillion times worse.
I'm not that brave.
First of all, you're the reason
I got outed with Luke.
I'm sorry.
It was
misdirected anger.
I'm done hiding parts of myself
because someone else says
that they're bad or wrong.
I'm seeing things in a whole new way.
Like when you learn a new word
and then all of a sudden
you start hearing it everywhere.
That's what this feels like,
but all the time.
"Us" as a thing?
[chuckles] I'm, like, was it always there
and, like,
I don't know, paralyzed or something?
My body and my mind.
New parts and pathways are opening up
and I want to give them
the space to do that.
Did I just write my college essay?
It's called compartmentalization,
and honestly, it's not that hard
if you're an organized thinker.
I can tutor you if you want.
[chuckles]
We shouldn't have to hide.
You know, I want to know all of you.
And the world should know all of you, too.
["Walk Away" playing]
If not, then what's the point? [chuckles]
But now you are staged ♪
I hate to watch you walk away ♪
I hate to watch you walk away ♪
I hate to watch you walk away ♪
So, you didn't like our honeymoon?
[groans]
What was there to like?
We were killing mosquitoes in Florida.
It was Sanibel.
It was Fort Myers.
Just because they share a bay
does not mean they're the same place.
You know,
I noticed your soap in the kitchen.
Wood and sea salt.
I mean, the combinations
that they come up with.
I refill that fancy bottle
with soap from the dollar store.
Oh, life hacks!
Great, you know you should see Vernon
wash his hands.
It looks like Dexter right after a kill.
He nearly scrubs them raw.
She's always telling me about
the importance of building up antibodies.
-[chuckles]
-[Debbie] Well
Just wish you would have told me
where you wanted to go.
Honey! I hinted at Italy.
Please. I didn't want to be rude.
You know, we went out of the country.
-[Vernon] Mm-hm.
-It was
Overrated.
-Yeah, it was.
-Mm-hm.
The food in Paris was--
The baguettes, hard cheese
-like your tray out there. Different.
-[Lynn] So much cheese.
It was just [mock retch] You know?
All right, y'all. Stop. Stop.
I'm sorry. We're--
We're fine.
We're just having a-- a little
[sings] A little nothing.
No, it's not nothing.
It's not.
Be honest.
-Stop.
-No, no, no, no, no, come on.
You were honest about your dirty little
dollar store soap secret.
Be honest.
Huh, why stop there? Go on.
Stop it. It's not funny.
Deborah. They say that honesty
is the key to all--
Hey.
It's getting late and, um
Luke is afraid of the dark.
[Lynn] You know,
I think I left the iron on.
We've got to go. We need to go.
It's dangerous.
-Thank you.
-Thank you for the
Hey, where were we?
No. No, where were you?
I texted you, I called you.
It took that long to explain "well done"?
Well, if you must know
Oh, you're back.
Yeah, I'm back. [chuckles]
You were gone for so long,
I was worried for Mr. Handsome here
that you bolted.
Well, I didn't.
You two need anything else?
Uh, no, I think we're good.
Uh, one extreme brownie sundae, please.
We have to get a sundae,
or wait, are you more of a dark cherry
chocolate cheesecake type of guy?
I could do either one.
Elizabeth, did I tell you
that it's his birthday?
-[gasps]
-Yeah. Could you gather everyone up?
I wanted to have a real to-do.
One to-do, comin' up.
Why did you tell her that?
To give you something special.
Strangers singing to me
on my fake birthday?
That's not special, Blair.
Oh.
I'm flubbing this
way worse than our first date.
Maybe I'm bad at dates.
Maybe we should only go on excursions
from now on.
-Or galavants, or trips to Hawaii.
-[table vibrating]
-What, is that you?
-Oh.
-Restless leg syndrome.
-[cell phone dinging]
Are those from your yogurt boss?
Are you're supposed to be at work?
What? No.
No, it's all good.
-Are you sure?
-Yeah.
I mean, because you're all over the place.
It's not new,
but today you're especially pinball-like.
Mm-mm.
-I should cool it on the Cokes. [sighs]
-[cell phone dings]
God.
All right. Okay, go.
No, it's obviously important, just--
They're just having an issue
with the fudge pump at the store.
And I'm the only one
who can speak to Cathy
in her native language,
which is speaking in low undertones
that she can hear.
-Right.
-So, uh
just give me two minutes, okay?
[exhales deeply]
[cell phone buzzes]
Hey.
Hi, I'm sorry, I have to go.
Blair's already so pissed at me.
-Convince me.
-What?
Convince me we can do this.
You take the affirmative.
I'll take the negative.
You want to debate this?
Okay. Do you have a stopwatch
or should I just self-time?
Just start.
Okay.
You're worried about
what people will think,
but there's a lot of people
who love us unconditionally.
With a post condition
that we follow their rules for love.
Our parents will understand.
My parents are hateful bigots.
Ellen. Ellen can guide us.
Sweet pushover Ellen
is going to take on the parents
of the private school elite
who pay her bills?
There are more people living out
in our country than ever before.
And yet I still hear the word "fag"
around school, like, five times a day.
My sister will be supportive.
Your sister hates me.
Blair doesn't hate, she questions things
she doesn't understand.
And I'm sure there's going to be
a lot of questions
and maybe some
irritation [sighs]
but you ignited something in me
that I don't want to shut down,
and you say that you're not brave,
but you kissed me back.
That was brave.
You could have just walked away.
You've already taken one leap,
let's keep going, together.
Oh, oh, boy. Well, well,
there's my little disappearing-reappearing
shootin' star.
-Hey, Charlie, this is Blackheart.
-Hi.
I've just been hearing about
your massive plans.
Setting out to outsell Tay Sway?
Ambitious.
Mm-hm.
Yeah. Well
ambitious is kind of my middle name.
Black "Ambitious" Heart.
You inspired this handsome man
to break out of the hair metal genre,
which I have never heard described
with such raw, sexual passion.
I nearly got my lighter out
and waved it in the air.
Well, we all have a first love, baby.
-Don't tease me.
-Mm.
[chuckles]
I have some amazing producers
I'd love to hook you up with.
Matchmaking talent is my specialty.
It would help, though,
if I could have a listen.
Have a listen to--?
You, my dear.
I have some people in mind.
Why don't we go into the studio right now?
Why don't we go into the studio right now?
-There's not a reason I can think of.
-Here we go, then.
Check it again.
Um
Check-- check one, check two.
I don't know, does, uh,
does this feel s-- stable?
Hey, give us some more depth.
She needs a stable bass to hold the sound.
You're the boss.
[chuckles]
Dope!
Full depth. Should be good to go.
Uh Okay. Um
Uh, I don't know,
maybe since I don't have my band
and m-- my instruments and all--
all my things,
-maybe I should just--
-Just sing. Sing.
Sing what you're feeling.
Go on, girl, let it go.
[humming]
I left you sitting there ♪
I walked away ♪
And then I cried ♪
[humming]
I saw you standing there ♪
I walked away ♪
And then I died ♪
-[drumming]
-[humming]
I don't wanna let you ♪
I don't wanna let you down ♪
I just want you closer ♪
I just want you safe and sound ♪
[guitar playing]
[humming]
I left you sitting there ♪
I walked away ♪
And then I cried ♪
So, Charlie.
She was always my favorite Angel.
Charlie was the boss.
[chuckles]
I knew there was something
I liked about her.
[Bowser chuckles]
So, who are you working with?
I know you've got some hot tickets
on your roster.
-Nosy boy.
-Aw.
I'm just having casual conversation
with an intriguing colleague.
My hot ticket is turning out to be
more trouble than he's worth.
Oh.
These creative types,
they keep you on your toes
with their wild ideas
-and their legal issues
-Right?
-You get it.
-Mm-hm.
This morning, it was,
"Let's get into the studio and record."
According to this last text,
now it's, "Get me on a flight
to the Maldives."
Maldives?
Yeah.
-That's a sensual place.
-Mm.
One could get into trouble down there.
God, I hope not.
[music continues]
She's good.
[Bowser] Oh, yeah.
Don't you go poachin' now.
It's-- I see you.
[humming]
[grunts]
[Blair gasps]
[Blair exhales deeply]
Did you save me a bite of that cheesecake?
[gasps]
Why are you playing me, Blair?
I'm not playing you. It's not like that.
Then what is it like?
I got caught up in something.
W-- What?
It's not important.
I'm here now. I'm all yours.
No, no. See, I'm not asking you
to be all mine.
I'm asking you to be straight with me.
Restless leg syndrome
is a bedtime affliction.
I just Googled it.
Today got complicated. Look, I was--
No. This is about you!
You came over those flowers,
You're in there ordering up
a fake birthday
like it's gonna make up
for not being with me.
By the way, my metal piece got into MODA.
[sighs]
Holy shit! That's amazing!
Why didn't you tell me?
Why didn't you ask?
You like complicated.
You like drama.
I'm not about that.
I'm not like that either.
I-- I swear.
History tells a different story, Blair.
What are you saying?
Let me make this right.
Tell me where you kept disappearing to.
I can't.
Are you in some kind of trouble?
Uh
Not usually.
[scoffs]
Damn.
All right, well, here's a reveal.
I run from trouble.
No, no, better yet, I walk away calmly,
as to not draw
any undue attention to myself.
See, I-- I like you, Blair,
but we're operating
on different frequencies.
No. No! I can get on your frequency.
Where were you?
Right.
Okay.
It's been fun.
But this waiting around
It's not for me.
I'm worth more than that.
Later, Blair Bear.
Miles!
[breathes deeply]
[sobs]
["Slow Burn" playing]
Good on green ♪
Good when you're putting
your hands all over me ♪
I have this intense urge to
ravage you.
I'm alright with a slow burn ♪
Sorry, that was that was too much.
No, you could do that.
Taking my time
Let the world turn ♪
I'm gonna do it my way ♪
But then we'd have nowhere to go.
If we burn it down
And it takes all night ♪
It's a slow burn ♪
I'm alright ♪
[cell phone buzzing]
I can take over.
I got it.
The pots hurt your hands.
Well, then I'll cramp. I don't care.
Honey?
What, you're gonna be nice now?
Hm? Did punishing me get old?
I'm-- I'm allowed to have a damn feeling
without it being about you
-[drops pan]
-It is about me, Anderson! It is about me.
It's about you and me.
Us, our family. Our choice
to protect them at whatever the cost.
Isn't that what we promised each other?
Me in a white dress
with enough tulle
to outfit an entire ballet troupe.
You in that matching
plaid cummerbund and tie.
I loved our wedding.
Well, I loved our honeymoon.
[Anderson chuckles]
I'm tired of all the lying.
This is the last time we have to push.
It's always the last time.
No, this is really it.
I promise.
Then we can move on.
Live our lives
free of the weight of it all.
Say yes, please.
[sniffs]
Okay.
Yolie, we are on our way.
You should’ve seen it. [chuckles]
You know I’m not one
for the undercover nonsense,
but goddamn, if it didn’t work this time!
We got a nice, juicy lead.
And we're gonna get this guy.
-Bowser, it's--
-I know it’s kinda late,
but, uh
I thought maybe we could go out
and strategize our plan?
-It's just--
-[Terrance] Is that Bowser? [chuckles]
Hey, buddy, you want in
on some of this Indian food?
The garlic naan at this place
will knock your socks off.
Did you know garlic was a powerhouse food?
Yeah, like, a natural, anti-fungal,
antibacterial, antiviral
Uh, Terrance and I got to working and
Ah, save it.
Uh, hey,
we got plenty if you change your mind.
Bowser!
Look, Yolanda.
[sighs] Terrance is all you really need,
so don't worry about
throwing me any work.
You think I'm throwing you work
like it's charity?
It doesn't matter.
Just
take me out of your rotation.
Oh, it's like that.
Yeah, it's like that.
You don't get to be mad at me
for having a life
that doesn't revolve around you.
That's not what I was asking for.
Oh, no?
You come here expecting me to jump
at the chance to come out with you.
You pick me, you don't pick me
You pick my sister?
And I'm supposed to just wait around,
for what?
You to make
your next poorly-timed decision?
For the record,
I wasn't expecting you
to jump at anything.
I was hoping.
But you ain't got to wait around
for nothing no more.
Take the Fren-Z case back,
take them all back. I'm out.
[scoffs]
I'll make you chocolate chip pancakes
for breakfast.
I won't be hungry.
But maybe if they're there
with extra powdered sugar,
I'll have, like, a bite.
[kiss]
[sighs]
It's all so stupid.
Everything is messed up
and now he's gone,
and I don't want him to be gone.
Oh, baby,
-I know.
-[sobs]
Oh. You were real serious about him.
I tried to be, but
it wasn't enough.
What do you mean, sweetie?
What wasn't enough?
You know, time
and attention.
Hm.
But I thought it was all working.
I thought I had it all figured out.
Mm.
Young love is hard.
Harder than old love?
[chuckles]
Is that in reference to your daddy and me?
Are you guys okay?
You seem off lately.
Or you're just both losing
spatial awareness.
-[chuckles]
-Because you slam things on the counter
and it's been really hard on the ears.
You know, um
one
good thing that comes with old love
is your heart's muscle memory.
It can remind you of all the reasons
why there was love to begin with.
It just needs to be jogged
every now and again.
So, you're
We're okay.
Okay.
I love you.
I love you, too.
[sniffles]
[groans]
["The Night the Lights Went Out
in Georgia" playing]
He was on his way home from Candletop ♪
Been two weeks gone
And he thought he'd stop ♪
At Web's and have him a drink
'Fore he went home to her ♪
-Andy Wo-Lo said hello ♪
-[cell phone bleeps]
He said, "Hi, what's new?" ♪
And Wo said, "Sit down I got some bad news
that's gonna hurt ♪
Said, "I'm your best friend
And you know that's right ♪
But your young bride
Ain't home tonight ♪
Since you've been gone
She's been seeing that Amos boy, Seth" ♪
Now he got mad and he saw red ♪
Andy said,
"Boy, don't you lose your head ♪
Because to tell you the truth,
I've been with her myself" ♪
That's the night
That the lights went out in Georgia ♪
That's the night that they hung
an innocent man ♪
Well don't trust your soul
to no backwoods Southern lawyer ♪
'Cause the judge in the town's
Got bloodstains on his hands ♪
Andy got scared and left the bar ♪
Walking on home
'Cause he didn't live far ♪
You see, Andy didn't have many friends
and he just lost him one ♪
Brother thought his wife
Must have left town ♪
So he went home and finally found ♪
The only thing Daddy had left him
And that was a gun ♪
He went off to Andy's house ♪
Slipping through the backwoods
Quiet as a mouse ♪
Came upon some tracks
Too small for Andy to make ♪
He looked through the screen
At the back porch door ♪
And he saw Andy lying on the floor ♪
In a puddle of blood
And he started to shake ♪
The Georgia patrol
Was making their rounds ♪
So he fired a shot
Just to flag 'em down ♪
A big-bellied sheriff grabbed his gun
And said "Why'd you do it?" ♪
The judge said "guilty"
On a make-believe trial  ♪
Slapped the sheriff
On the back with a smile ♪
Said, "Supper's waiting at home
And I got to get to it" ♪
That's the night
That the lights went out in Georgia ♪
That's the night
That they hung an innocent man ♪
Well, don't trust your soul
To no backwoods Southern lawyer ♪
Because the judge in the town's
Got bloodstains on his hands ♪
That's the night
That the lights went out in Georgia ♪
That's the night
That they hung an innocent man ♪
Well, don't trust your soul
To no backwoods Southern lawyer ♪
Because the judge in the town's
Got bloodstains on his hands ♪