The Boss Baby: Back in the Crib (2022) s01e08 Episode Script

1 Hold all my Whoa! Boss Baby! ♪ I'm the boss, dial in to the meeting ♪ Everybody here? Please find your seating ♪ While you teething I'm sinking my teeth in ♪ First one to show So I could do all my greeting ♪ Profits, payrolls and pacifiers ♪ I make friends I love you, you're hired! ♪ So come on And raise your juice boxes skyward ♪ Boss babies until we retire ♪ - Boss baby ♪ - Tell 'em who this is ♪ - Boss baby ♪ - I'm a legend, mythic ♪ - Boss baby ♪ - Can a baby get a witness? ♪ Grab a high chair This the family business ♪ Boss baby ♪ If I don't make it, take my vacation days.
If it can't be me making sand castles and bawling when the tide washes them away, - I want it to be - Get that baby! Get That Baby is brought to you today by Dr.
Tickles! Characters shouldn't be named after what they do, it's bad writing! - No! - Over here! Hey! Hold still, you test-acing, kind-hearted - Hey, you're tough to trash talk.
- Hey! Trying to work.
- Sorry.
- We didn't mean to be loud.
All I ask is a little considerati! Get that baby! It feels like I swallowed a cell phone! Yvette! Yvette.
Radar gun.
Bought it off my Uncle Cop.
His name's Pierre, but we call him that because parties end when he shows up.
Is that what police use to clock speeding cars? Yes, indeed.
You babies are slow.
Come on, let's go! We gotta shut that friendship down.
Why are we spying on Tabitha? Trying to save her from her evil best friend! Loud-chewing, personal-space-invading, always-has-one-wet-sock-on Yvette? Much easier to trash-talk than Tabitha.
Her wet sock isn't the problem.
You're letting her associate with an Uncuddleable! I know you're on about this babysitters thing, but Tabitha's a smart girl.
So smart she'd hang out with that train wreck instead of super fun, talking babies? How fast was that one? Weird age, trying to figure out where you fit in.
If Tabitha's still not into Baby Corp, after all the missions you've taken her on You have been taking her on cool team missions, right? That's the best part! Uh, there was one.
Promised I'd do her chores if she helped me get lice! What? This is our fault.
Why haven't we taken her on more missions? Not too late to save her soul.
- Come on! - What? Pardon me.
If you need a mom break, my youth service group set up a resting station.
How thoughtful! Why did we need them to move? Because that's Bystander Baby, a master photo-bomber.
Thanks to your awesome work, she's right in frame.
Lookit! I'm Thad.
I enjoy reggae and Korean BBQ.
And before you look me up, yes, I'm the guy in that viral video trying to kiss a police horse, - but I had seven good reasons.
One - Aw.
All this to get a baby in the background of a dating video? Bystander's a Baby Corp top 5%-er.
Any time she's in the background, Baby Love goes shooting up.
And then you guys sell more babies? - What? - No! Sorry, I don't get it.
How does higher Baby Love lead to increased company revenue? Next mission! Slip the teething ring with tooth whitener to Smiling Samir and that 5%-er smile gets even more dazzling! And Samir's parents approved of this unprescribed dental treatment? Well, we can't really ask them, can we? Next mission! What's Baby Corp's obsession with only the top 5% of cute babies? I'm a kid, but even I know about market diversification.
You ask more questions than your dad.
Your business is weird.
Can we be done? I wanna go hang out with Yvette.
Stupid Yvette! How is her evil so tempting? We're not selling this right.
Tabitha isn't Tim.
Covert shenanigans aren't gonna do it.
We gotta make her see what Baby Corp has for her.
What is? Techy Tykes? It's a technology convention! All the brightest minds of Baby Corp showing off stuff they invented! Like stepping into the future of babies.
Babies are the future, so it's like the future of the future! This looks incredible awesome! You guys already have teleportation! What are you gonna invent next? Why would you show me when I can't go? - What? - It says "Baby Corp employees only.
" Well, sure, but We're VIPs.
Darn right we are! We're allowed to bring an older sibling.
One apiece? Yes! I'm in! Look at all this! Oh, my gosh, is that stroller hovering? Oh, wow.
Baby Corp.
I feel like a kid again.
Thanks for making me your plus-one.
Full disclosure? We made up that rule.
Try to keep a low profile.
No way.
I've had years to dream up new baby products.
Check this out.
Stumped by a game of hide-and-seek? The Peek-a-Booster will find your target.
Ow! See? It found me! You did great! But we're trying to sell Tabitha on Baby Corp.
Even better! Who's the most excited kid who's ever been here? One day here with me, Tabby will love Baby Corp as much as I did.
Dad, try this one! The Grown-up Pacifier.
Guaranteed to soothe even the fussiest parents.
Hmm.
It tastes like getting the best parking spot at the grocery store.
Come on, Dad! I wanna show you this other stuff! Welcome to the mission, Templeton.
Sorry, I haven't done one in so long! All right, but we need some ground rules.
Number one, ditch the Peek-a-Booster.
But it has so much to offer! Two, we've got a lot of Baby Corp branches visiting and we wanna be good hosts, so best convention behavior at all times.
Three, corporate brand mascots.
If you value your time and your wallet, don't let them start their sales pitch.
Now come on, Tabitha's waiting.
Magnetized Baby Carrier? Toss me.
Dad, check this out! Uncle Teddy, have you seen? Fart, poop, doody! I'm huge in the cosplay community.
So embarrassing.
- How's the con? - It's great! Boss Baby? I heard you were back in the game! And is that Tim? Wow.
So that's what aging looks like.
You know what? I saw a sign-up to go three rounds with the "Got Your Nose" champ.
I'm gonna test my skill.
Tabs? Oh, I gotta see this! Manager Baby Hendershot.
I don't like to brag, but it's CEO Baby Hendershot now.
Wichita branch.
So you're the reason Baby Love has overtaken corn as Kansas' biggest export.
Yay! The old gang's back together! It's important to keep things together.
Which is why Stabler and Stappler Baby Staplers Trying really hard not to shove you on your back, Frankie.
And I appreciate it! Stay low! It's the Hey, hi, hello.
The Luxes.
Luxembourg branch.
And we're all giggly-tickled you could make it.
Hello to our hosts.
So fantastic to be here.
Meaning we are here and we have brought with us the fantastic.
Look at this diaper bag we invented! Look at it! It's stunningly fashionable.
And large enough to hold absolutely anything.
Why not just walk around with a house on your arm? Tina! Luxembourg is unafraid to think big.
Not like your branch.
I hear this year you're showing off your "B.
O.
"? Luxem-bye! Luxes! Think they're so Wait.
Our branch is showing off the UBO? Yeah! It's all anyone's talking about! UltraBaby Omega? That's the video you had me hack when you were trying to get Tina fired.
She's seen UBO? - Where's Tim? - Recovering.
I think she really took it.
No schnoz may stand against me! I only caught a glimpse of her, but you guys gotta see UBO.
This place does amazing stuff! Happy Techy Tykes, everyone! Sorry to interrupt, but can I steal you two for a teensy? No need to panic but the worst thing has happened.
Snakes grew heads on both ends? What? No.
Our UBO has been stolen.
- What? How? - No snakes.
Her nursery's in the high security wing.
There are cameras! I know there are cameras! Sorry.
I'm a little on edge.
This is from 15 minutes ago.
Aw.
I know! She even sleeps cute! How? But then! They blinded our cameras.
What kind of animal does that to a camera? Wait.
You said 15 minutes ago? Then this happened during Techy Tykes! We got security at every entrance.
Which means the thieves and UBO are still in the building! Shut down the con.
Put everyone on lockdown.
- Field team - Love the energy! We're not shutting down Techy Tykes.
We have to! It's an emergency.
And shutting down early would be a personal brand emergency.
You know how many babies here would love to see us fail? We got Luxembourg in the building! Luxembourg! I hear you there.
Then how are we supposed to catch these UBO-nappers? With the luck of the leprechaun.
Isn't that thing a lawn gnome? I improperly researched this disguise.
Relax, all good.
I just didn't want you and Tina out there when we took the prime suspects into custody.
What prime suspects? The only two guests here who aren't employees, obviously.
Oh, no.
Security Baby Katja! Long time! Come with me.
Both of you.
We know of your terrible crime.
Oh, my gosh! Is it not cool we try on these hats? Hey! Whoa, whoa.
We didn't do any crimes.
Nobody's taking my daughter anywhere.
I have the authority.
Yeah? But you don't have the body mass.
Goo-ga-kai! Dad! What the heck? This is crazy! How should we punish them? Everyone say your favorite idea on the count of two.
Ready? One, go! Smother them in bananas, put them in a cage with monkeys.
No mistake, legend.
Why would they be here? We invited them! We have to show Tabitha how great Baby Corp is, so she stops hanging out with What Tina means is that Tim and Tabitha are Templetons.
A loyal Baby Corp family! Results from the background check you asked for.
Fraternizing with an Uncuddleable? Ooh.
Guilty! Working on that.
This isn't helping! I know our team can track down Attention, Techy Tykes! The UBO showcase is now toddling room only.
Everybody's excited for this one! I'm gonna professionally biff it in front of everyone! And Luxembourg! Luxembourg.
Boss Baby, I need you to stall the audience.
What? No! I need to clear my family's name! I gotta man central command! Just say yes.
I have an idea.
All right, I'll stall them.
Tim, your mission's still on.
What mission? Isn't baby jail fun? If they don't talk, prep for Operation Baby Thunder.
What's Operation Baby Thunder? Confess your crime and be happy you'll never find out.
Hello, Techy Tykes! I know what you're all thinking.
I'm cute but not UltraBaby Omega cute.
UBO will be out soon.
But in the meantime, everyone close your eyes.
Isn't it comforting? Like floating in a night sky.
Like something's weighing you down.
Take everything out of your pockets and throw it.
Free yourselves and drift away.
What does this have to do with UBO? - Yeah.
- We want UBO.
Initiate Baby Thunder.
What's Operation Baby Thunder? Katja? Are you okay? - You're a dad.
Help her! - Uh Hey, buddy.
It's okay.
Don't cry.
Everything's fine.
Look at me! I just wanna give her a hug! Where is UBO? You check in your butt? Amusing.
Why don't you take a seat while I enjoy a snack break? This is nice! I could see myself spending a lot of time on! Good heavens.
No.
Not sketti-hands! This is a brand-new sofa! You're gonna make my dad really upset! Torture will continue until you confess! I confess! I forgot your Father's Day present, so Yvette gave me a pineapple tie her dad hated.
And I confess that I loved that tie! How touching.
No, no, no! It's so white, and now you're making it so red! Fruit snacks.
Mine.
- Crayons.
- Mine now.
Yo, Dez.
You gonna help us search for evidence in all this garbage? I would love to, but I need to guard my magic marshmallows from thieving children.
That's not what gnomes do I studied what I studied.
I'm sticking to it.
Luxembourgers didn't have anything in their pockets but baby stuff, boss.
Nothing that'd tie them to the UBO abduction.
They have her! But where? How do you find a baby they don't want you to find? Your dad had a great idea, but he did an uninspired build.
So I souped it up.
Gave it a voice chip and programmed it for UBO.
Slurp on this.
Thanks, Simmons! Happy hunting! - No, no, no.
- I am sorry it had to come to this.
I leave you alone to rethink your silence.
Might it help if I raise the temperature? I hear a hot sauna does wonders for the memory.
Is that diaper dirty? - Don't breathe through your nose.
- Or your mouth.
Help! Help! What is wrong with this place? I can't believe you used to like coming to Baby Corp! It was different when I was a kid! Smell was the usually the same.
But it was also me and your uncle fighting villains.
Solving mysteries.
You gonna pass out from fumes? I know who can get us out of here.
Who? Call them! Oh, I don't call them.
I am them.
Dekker Moonboots.
Space detective! - What are you doing? - Waiting for my theme to finish.
Wait, are you not imagining this with me? This is a two-space-detective problem! Fine! This is how you space-imagine me? All right.
Trapped in the belly of the moon octopus.
Temperature rising, oxygen low.
And there's a dirty diaper.
Ah, bup-bup.
Space adventure.
And that "stinkcano" smells like it could erupt any second! There we go! So how to escape this festering cauldron of heat and stench? The heat! It's coming in from that gill! I mean, that vent! That's our way out! Yes! Stellar job, Tabs! I believe you mean stellar job, Francesca Moonsneakers! And that's UBO's favorite oatmeal recipe.
Questions from the audience? You.
Worker Baby Aoife, Dublin branch.
Tabitha? Tim? No.
Aoife.
Is me accent really that thick? - Katja! - Aoife.
It's pronounced just like it's spelled! A-O-I - Hurry! - F-E! Peek-a-Booster, find that baby! Detection complete.
UBO is not in the vicinity.
- What did that robot say? - What's going on? And now a real treat.
Hendershot from Wichita has accepted Peg's "Got Your Nose" challenge! What? You came for the wrong nose, hot snot! I got nothing, ma'am.
It's like UBO just disappeared into thin air.
Or was it into thick bags? Luxes! Big dumb bag that can hold anything, huh? Even a stolen UBO? Dez, infiltrate! I'll see you at the end of the rainbow.
- You're not a leprechaun.
- I know! Hey.
- Hi.
- Busted.
I think we lost her.
Hope you haven't lost your taste in healthy fruit juices! Oh, no.
Cover your ears and don't make eye contact! We will make it through this! No, thanks.
Just browsing.
Not interested, thanks.
No, thank you.
No, thank you.
Not today.
With not a penny spent.
Tabitha! Do these pool noodles also work in bathtubs? No! I'm sorry! It was such a good deal! It's okay, you and your money are safe.
- Is that? - We found UBO! Wow! Oh.
Wait.
Isn't UBO super cute? No offense, Mister Mike Tullyhouse, mascot local 542.
My suit was stole by the gal who stuffed me in here.
That kid was glorious.
Couldn't tear my peepers away.
Why would UBO? She wasn't kidnapped, she got out like we did.
Through the vents! Bet she wanted to check out the con.
She had to steal an outfit because she's too cute to look at! So she's still here! We cracked the mystery, Moonboots! You having fun yet, Moonsneakers? Yeah! Come on, let's bust open mascot costumes! You could've asked me which suit I was wearing.
But, hey, I'm no detective.
Just plain old Mike Tullyhouse.
Sitting here with my ticklers tied behind my back.
Caught in the act of attempted invention thievery.
It's not thievery if we're catching you Whew! I apologize for the damage.
I'll compensate you from my pot of gold.
You're a lawn gnome! But the Luxes definitely did not stash the UBO in there.
Oh.
Well, kudos on your giant bag! UBO is missing? - What? - We were promised the UBO! UBO! UBO! UBO! Sorry, there's been a turn of events.
Totally not my fault.
But we can't show you UBO.
Burn it to the ground! What? Because they took her! Not fun here anymore.
Get them! I'm blameless, you can like me.
Templeton! UBO's in one of the mascot suits, but we don't know which! Grab the mascots! And rip off their heads! Aw! Esteemed Baby Corp colleagues, I present UltraBaby Omega! No more than eight seconds or it gets weird, shut it down.
Shut it down! Shut it down! But she's so cute! Sorry! Great meeting you! Thanks for finding UBO! Oh, don't thank me, thank Francesca Moonsneakers.
Um Okay.
Thanks, moon lady.
We crawled through vents, and I got to be a detective.
And Dad and I saved the whole convention! Were you guys right about Baby Corp! They went crazy on us! Beat up Dad, put us in jail with torture and diapers Dang.
Sounds wild, my dude.
But tell me more about this UBO.
Boss baby ♪ Boss baby ♪ Boss baby ♪ - Boss baby ♪ - Tell 'em who this is ♪ - Boss baby ♪ - I'm a legend, mythic ♪ Y'all heard the story But you know what the twist is? ♪ Welcome to the family business Boss baby ♪