The Crew (2021) s01e08 Episode Script

She didn't even finish the race.
I never got a line this big
for autographs.
That's not true.
Remember you got a bee in your fire suit
and you stripped on pit road?
Oh, yeah.
Hanes was pissed.
Of all the days not to wear their product.
Even then, I don't think
I drew this many people.
Ah, relax. It's just a bunch of old guys
wanting to hit on her.
Actually, when I think about it,
it's the same crowd you drew.
Jake Martin?
Hello.
See. There you go.
Could you get Jessie to sign this for me?
The line's so long.
Is this what ugly people
feel like all the time?
You're asking the wrong guy, buddy.
- Hey, want me to sign that?
- Please. I'm a big fan.
Ah. [clears throat]
You know, if you want,
we could take a selfie.
I'm good.
That's what ugly people feel like.
[theme music playing]
Hey! There she is.
Fresh from New York. How was the trip?
- [exhales] Well, it was pretty great.
- Yeah?
Frank and I took the Circle Line tour
around the Statue of Liberty
Look, I know I asked, uh,
but I'm already checked out.
I don't care. I tried. I did.
Seriously. So, what'd you bring me?
- I didn't get you anything.
- What?
- You've never not gotten me something.
- This time, I didn't, okay?
It's not okay. I see it in your hand.
Give it to me.
All right, fine.
- What do we got?
- You're gonna love it.
Whoa, "Bite the Big Apple."
I know you only wear novelty underwear.
And perfect timing.
The elastic just gave up
on "Who Let the Dogs Out?"
[giggles]
- So, did Morgan come to the race again?
- [sighs]
You know what?
I didn't, uh, see a future with us,
so I, uh, had to cut her loose.
Mm. Did she let you down hard?
Oof. Like a wet bag of laundry.
Just dropped me.
- You said things were great.
- I didn't wanna ruin your weekend.
But I told her I wanted a relationship,
and she gave me a look like
You ever see a dog when it realizes
it's about to get a bath? It's just like
[chuckles] Oh, I've tried
to get out of that bath many times.
[Kevin] Yeah.
Anyway, it's over,
so I guess she was just using me.
For what?
For what?
I mean, come on, look. What do you think?
Oh, yeah. Getting rid of leftovers.
You're mad
'cause I didn't listen to your story.
- Yes, you hurt my feelings. I lashed out.
- [Kevin] Okay.
- All right.
- [chuckles]
- Hey. Jake's back from the doctor.
- Great.
I'm gonna start listening more.
It's a problem of mine,
and I wanna know, how was it with Frank?
Well,
the Statue of Liberty is not as big
Wow, I am wrong again,
it's more boring the second time.
All right. Give it to me.
What are the results?
I'm clear to drive.
Doctor said my brain's in perfect shape.
Hmm. Is that shape small
and round like a marble?
- Not according to this.
- Upside down.
Did you really see the doctor?
Last time you lied.
That's because I had something to hide.
You should trust me when I don't.
Amir, check it.
Well, it's not in crayon. Uh, no emojis.
Uh, Jake, what's an acute phase?
A cute phase? One I never grew out of.
- All right, he's good to drive.
- All righty.
Chuck, set the car up.
Our boy's back in the saddle.
- On it.
- Hold on. We should talk about this.
- What's to talk about? Jake's healthy.
- So is Jessie.
Thank her for filling in,
but Jake's better now.
- Chuck, start setting the car up.
- Chuck, hold on.
Chuck, look at me. Set the car up now.
Chuck is gonna finish
Real Housewives of Atlanta
while you two figure this out.
Fine. Amir, set the car up.
- Amir, don't you touch it.
- Amir, look at me. Set the car up now.
- Okay.
- Where you going?
I'm gonna hide in the bathroom.
- You made me look like an idiot out there.
- Degree of difficulty? Zero.
I promised Jake I'd get his seat back.
Well, you made a mistake.
Put it in the pile with the other ones.
- You know my biggest mistake?
- Never learning to read?
[laughs] Oh. Okay. Okay.
Jessie is the best
for the future of this team.
- Not if you care about winning.
- What's Jake won since I've been here?
Only three top-ten finishes
in his last five races, and,
not that this is gonna help my case,
but he won Best Smile on NASCAR.com.
He would have won Best Hair
but he went with a man bun,
which is always a mistake.
Jessie's doing fine.
Fine? She came in 32nd her first race
and didn't finish the next one.
If that's good enough for you,
we should save money
and stick Lou from accounting in.
Kevin, he just had a stroke.
Not on the right side. He'd be fine.
Okay, I already had a new sponsor
reach out this morning about Jessie.
Really? Was it the company
that makes that chair lift
that takes old people up the stairs?
"Ooh. This is fun!"
"This is almost as fast as walking!"
- Okay, whatever
- "Wait, I just passed Jessie."
Whatever. I've made up my mind.
Admit it. It's because she's a woman.
That's part of it. Companies love that.
This is a business. We need to make money.
But an athlete shouldn't lose his job
due to injury.
Wally Pipp did. He had a headache,
and his coach put in Lou Gehrig,
and Lou Gehrig
started the next 2,000 games.
How long were you sitting on that?
I Googled it this morning
'cause I knew we'd fight. Anything else?
Nope. And it's a sad day
when sports trivia is used for evil.
"Catherine Spencer."
Can't read.
[rock music playing]
Can you believe all this?
Are you Team Jessie or Team Jake?
Team Chuck.
I try not to get emotionally attached
to people I work with.
Except me?
Well, it seems sometimes
you want me to hurt you, Amir.
- Hey, guys.
- Catherine.
[Catherine] I assume you know
Kevin and Bobby Spencer Racing
will part ways at the end of the season.
- What?
- Why, I never!
Guys, the 1919 White Sox
did a better job lying than that.
[chuckles] I've been reading
sports trivia lately.
Anyway, as car chief and chief engineer,
I want to interview you for crew chief,
so send me your résumés
if you're interested, and we'll talk.
Okay. Thank you.
[Chuck] Mm-hmm.
Disgraceful.
Like either of us would ever
stab Kevin in the back and take his job.
She doesn't know us at all.
- I'd take a bullet for Kevin.
- Absolutely.
Well, probably not a bullet,
but I'd take a punch for him.
Yes. Well, depending on
who was doing the punching.
- How so?
- If Conor McGregor were, I wouldn't.
- No. I mean, we're not suicidal, right?
- [Amir] Yeah, no.
Besides, if Conor is punching Kevin,
he probably did something to deserve it.
[Amir] He probably did.
But a punch from someone weaker,
like a child? Definitely.
- Middle school or lower? Absolutely.
- [Amir] Yeah.
But none of this matters
'cause we wouldn't do it to our friend.
- [Chuck] No.
- And I don't think I could handle the job.
I could handle it.
I'd just never do that to Kevin.
Yeah, me neither.
Besides, I'm sure they'll work it out.
- Yeah, they always do.
- [Amir] Yeah.
But what if they don't?
Hey.
Oh, hey, Jake. Uh…
Hey, why don't you have a seat?
You sure
Catherine is not gonna give it to Jessie?
[Kevin chuckles]
Listen, I I, uh…
I don't know how to tell you.
I talked to her.
Um… she's going with Jessie as her driver.
- What? You promised I'd get it back.
- [sighs] I I begged her, you know?
I I never thought
that Bobby Spencer's daughter
would reject everything
that made her father great, you know?
It's like Santa's kid
not believing in Christmas.
Santa doesn't have any kids.
We are all his kids.
Yeah, the point is…
I'm not giving up.
- You know Mark Dooley over at Haas?
- Yeah.
Well, guess what.
He's looking for somebody. That's right.
I told him about our situation,
and I'm having lunch with him tomorrow.
If that doesn't work?
[sighs]
Then I'll call every team in the sport.
You know, I'll build you
your own car, you know. Myself.
Not myself. I don't know why I said that.
I'll have Chuck do it, and I'll supervise.
I appreciate it, but maybe it's over.
What? It's not over. It's not even close.
Feels pretty close.
How'd you know when you were done?
Oh. [sighs]
Well, first, I just refused to believe it.
I busted up my back pretty good
when I hit that wall at Martinsville.
I remember the doctor told me I needed
to do four hours of rehab a day.
You know what I did? Twenty.
That's right. I slept in the gym.
Just benching like 290,
whatever, you know.
Probably still could if I'm being honest.
So, what happened?
I recorded it
in case people didn't believe me.
You got a VCR? I'll show you.
- No, not that. The driving.
- Oh.
Well, look, I got strong,
but my back never got better, you know?
So, I lied to Bobby,
told him I could drive, and he knew.
I remember
he dropped a pen and he's like,
"If you can pick it up,
you can have your spot back." [chuckles]
I never cried my whole life,
but if I had, it would've been that day.
You cried
when Beth showed you that puppy video.
- Did you see the back legs?
- No, I didn't.
Yeah, 'cause he didn't have any.
He had wheels.
But that didn't matter,
'cause he was so happy
just running around the house.
Well, at least until he got to the stairs.
I don't know why they left that in there.
Anyway, the point is,
when it was over for me,
Bobby took me on,
and he he trained me to be a crew chief.
You still miss driving?
Are you kidding me?
[chuckles] Every day.
Whenever you turn, I'm always leaning
to the left like I'm behind the wheel.
Oh, man.
When the day comes for you to retire,
many, many years from now,
I'll do the same thing for you
that Bobby did for me.
Oh. Oh, I appreciate it,
but you don't crew chief
with a face like this.
No offense, you're doing great.
Actually, you have a lot more options.
You could…
You could own a hardware store.
I'd totally believe you
delivering furniture.
You could be a locksmith.
You could be a plumber.
I see you at a bowling alley.
Okay. Good talk, Jake. Good talk.
[rock music playing]
All right. What are the readings?
Give me a second. I was checking emails.
Oh? Uh-huh.
You expecting anything in particular?
Usual things. You know, letters.
From friends.
The next friend you make
will be the first friend you make.
Let me see that.
All right, go ahead. Admit it.
I already see it on your lying face.
Okay, fine. I applied for Kevin's job,
and I'm waiting for Catherine to reply.
What kind of a man are you,
to go behind our best friend's back?
The disloyalty is appalling.
Kevin is gonna be gone,
and someone's gotta fill the job.
Plus, it's a lot more money.
I could afford
to send my family to Disneyland,
and with the new job,
I'll be too busy to go. Win-win.
Yesterday, you said
that you weren't even qualified.
Because I knew if you didn't think
I was going to apply, you wouldn't.
It's called business savvy, Chuck.
And it's another example of why
I'm more qualified than you.
Hmm. Well, I applied yesterday.
Oh. That's right.
I've had a crew chief résumé ready
to go since the day Kevin hired me.
- You
- [Chuck] Mm.
- You
- Yes.
You bastard!
I'll keep this poor example
of your character in mind when I'm chief.
And I would burn this place down
before I'd let you run it.
Okay. See? It's those threats of violence
that make you unfit for the position.
- I'm unfit?
- Yeah.
- I'm unfit?
- [Amir] Mm-hmm.
You know, I will say that a third time.
I am unfit?
The minute there's a problem,
you start shaking like a baby bird.
You're more fragile
than my ex-wife's Hummel collection.
And if I broke those, I can break you.
Readings!
[rock music playing]
Mark, thanks for coming down.
I'd get up, say hello,
but my trainer
had me do 50 squats this morning.
My legs are hot lava.
I respect that.
I did 100 push-ups once at the gym,
had to call an Uber to get home.
I had to dial the phone with my nose.
Let's skip the salad,
get to the main course.
Jake's a hell of a driver,
but he's still under contract
with your team.
There's no way I can make an offer
till I talk to the boss.
No, no. Well, first, he lost his seat,
and I would have invited Catherine,
but I kinda hate her right now,
don't want to see her stupid face.
Not Catherine.
Bobby!
Mark Dooley, in the flesh.
You still cheatin'?
I'm still winning,
if that's what you're asking.
How'd you get up there, lava legs?
I pushed through for Bobby Spencer.
Man's earned it.
- What are you doing back from Hawaii?
- Oh. Yep. I'm headed back there next week.
I've been taking scuba classes at the Y
to get ready. I'll tell you,
floating there in the water
like a giant aquatic bird of prey,
I haven't felt so free since I ransacked
that hippie mechanic's lunch
and ate those three pot brownies.
- Ooh.
- [Kevin] Crazy, man.
Remember you were on the roof
with those Roman candles?
Chuck hit you
with the Taser like three times.
You wouldn't go down. [grunting]
I kinda liked it.
Yeah.
Man, the sound of your body
when you hit that ice-cream truck,
that was crazy.
- [chuckling] I won't do that again.
- [Kevin] No.
So, what's all the fuss?
I'll let Kevin go ahead.
Well, uh, Jake was cleared
from his concussion,
and, uh, well,
Catherine's not giving him his job back.
She's letting Jessie race?
Sweet kid, but Jake runs laps around her.
Yeah, she wouldn't budge.
So, I asked Mark
if he had a spot for Jake.
Gotta protect my driver.
You taught me that.
After all the time and money
we've invested in Jake,
you want him racing for a competitor?
It's like when I paid
for my wife's plastic surgery.
As soon as the bandages were off,
she was dating Dale Jarrett.
That guy's a closer.
Shut up.
He made a run at your wife too, didn't he?
He did.
And, Kevin, I'm a little hurt
you went straight
to the competitor without coming to me.
I did come to you.
You told me to work it out.
Then after you left, she said I'm fired.
But I said you were better together
like Donny and Marie.
Don't know how that argument
didn't work on her, but here we are.
This is why I called you down here, Bobby.
With all due respect,
your daughter ain't been doing this
long enough to know how good Jake is.
But I do. And I got a car waiting.
Oh. You got a car waiting?
That's just what Dale Jarrett said
to my wife.
Hey. Close the door.
What's the secret?
Just got a call from Kevin. Big news.
And you're the only ones
I'm allowed to tell.
I'm in the inner circle?
I've never been in the inner circle.
Once in school, I got invited,
but it was meant for the other Amir.
He had a full set of Hot Wheels.
I couldn't compete.
If this fool's in the circle, I want out.
Okay, both of you,
we need to move fast on this.
Stewart-Haas is taking on Jake
as a new driver,
and he's making Kevin the crew chief.
- Kevin wants you both with him.
- Who's gonna be the crew chief here?
Who cares?
Jake and Kevin are going, and so are we.
- Can I tell him yes?
- What will they pay?
Probably what you're making here.
So, more than you're worth.
That's a good point, Amir.
You should definitely take it.
- Should I? What are you gonna do?
- Yeah.
Guys, you don't want to stay here.
I've seen the people applying
for Kevin's job.
You don't want any of them
to be your boss.
- You see the applications?
- Yeah.
[spluttering] You
Like, all All of 'em?
Yep. And I'm assuming
that neither of you would wanna work for…
Chuck "Traitor" Stubbs
or Amir "Backstabber" Lajani.
Amir! You applied for Kevin's job?
Oh! He did it first. Check the time stamp.
You both make me sick.
After everything Kevin has done for you,
you interview for his job?
[gasps] We made it to the interview phase?
- Tell her I'm not interested.
- Hold on. Hold on.
Does Kevin really have a new job?
I don't know.
I haven't talked with him.
Beth, you you lied to us? How dare you!
Do you really think that is gonna work?
It's all I have!
Now, I'm not gonna tell Kevin
what you did.
- Thank you so much.
- But I am gonna hold onto these.
And the next time that I say,
"Who's up for karaoke?"
what am I gonna hear from you two?
You know what? This is too much.
You tell Kevin I can get a new job.
But my dignity, Beth,
my dignity is not for sale!
Mine is.
Very low prices too. Everything must go.
What's going on?
Oh, Chuck and Amir were just arguing
about who should get your job.
[both laugh]
That's a good one.
I hope you're that funny
when we go out for karaoke tonight.
So, how'd the meeting with Mark go?
Oh, he invited Bobby, who yelled at me
and then yelled at Mark
and then yelled
at a picture of Dale Jarrett,
then just walked out.
- Yeah, he's still yelling.
- Yeah, probably.
We should warn Dale Jarrett.
It was just a picture,
but still, you don't know.
- No. I can see him. He's there, yelling.
- [Kevin] Yeah.
Everybody, gather in here. Huddle up.
- Everybody in. Catherine?
- Right behind you.
Whoa. You snuck up on me.
You're just like your mom.
I could never hear her coming
with those fuzzy Ugg boots she wore.
Mom never wore Uggs.
You're thinking of Chelsea.
You know you've lived a full life
when you can't keep your wives straight.
What is going on?
I don't know. I don't care.
See, that's the beauty of being fired.
- Don't say that. You know you care.
- I don't. I'm telling you, I've given up.
I might even start wearing
those five-finger shoes.
The ones where each toe
has its own apartment?
Yeah, I know them.
You send me a link every Christmas.
Yeah, and what is so hard to understand?
Is everybody here?
Well, if you think about it,
the only people who would say no
aren't here to answer, so
I just realized
why people don't like me. Huh.
From the first time I climbed
behind the wheel till the day I retired,
only one thing mattered, okay? Winning.
Which is why Jake Martin is our driver.
- [Kevin] Yes!
- Yes!
Good things happen to handsome people.
Sorry. Continue.
- Dad, I was
- I'm not finished.
And if Jake's gonna win,
he's gonna need the best crew chief.
- Which is Kevin.
- Yes!
Good things do happen to handsome people!
Proud to work with you. I can't imagine
you could do that job any better.
Thank you. Only way
I could take it to the next level,
if I get me some five-finger toe shoes.
- Looking at you, Beth.
- Dad, I'm running the team.
Not anymore.
Bobby's back.
[all cheering]
- Oh, baby, way to go!
- [Chuck] Bobby!
- [Jake] Welcome back, Bobby!
- Yeah!
[theme music playing]