The Disastrous Life of Saiki K. (2016) s01e08 Episode Script

1
You bought this, Takahashi?
That's a Gorillabbit strap!
They're always sold out!
For real? Let me see!
Is this popular or something?
Did you not know that?
It's super popular right now.
For real? I didn't even know.
Obviously I knew that, idiot.
It was worth the six-hour wait.
Let me see
-Mr. Matsuzaki!
-I'm confiscating this.
But I waited in line for six hours
to get this stupid thing!
-Six hours?
-What?
-So, you did line up.
-You there! What's that?
-It's a video game.
-Are you joking? I'm confiscating it!
You, too! What's that?
-Oh, it's an automatic mah-jongg table.
-Whatever! I'm confiscating it!
You! What's that?
-Oh, it's kebab.
-You don't need that! Confiscated!
Don't bring things unrelated to school!
For real?
Mr. Matsuzaki is a PE teacher
and also in charge of student guidance.
Listen up! School isn't a playground.
He's feared by most students
and also hated.
-God, he's the worst!
-I hate him so much!
-Bastard.
-Don't come to our class!
-I can't stand that sicko.
-I bet he poses in front of the mirror.
What a narcissist.
That seems way too harsh.
Man, Matsuzaki is the worst.
-Right, pal?
-I don't particularly dislike him.
-Nendo! Don't bully Saiki!
-He's back!
He's a great ally
to timid students like me.
Gosh, Matsuzaki ticks me off!
What? Again?
He took my Gorillabbit.
I want to do something to get back
at that gross narcissistic pervert!
That gross narcissistic pervert
needs to be punished!
What is that, a spell?
-Let's get back at him!
-It's impossible.
I have a good plan.
It will surely bring that gross
narcissistic sicko to his knees.
What's this now?
What is he doing?
This is hard.
Isn't that the game he confiscated?
All right, time to punch out.
He's coming this way!
-Let's follow him!
-Is this going to work?
Of course it is! After all
He's a total pervert!
This is
Look, he's totally frozen!
I think he's trembling with happiness.
He just ran into the bathroom.
Takahashi wrote the love letter, right?
Yes, it's my best work!
Mr. Matsuzaki,
sorry for this sudden letter.
There's something I need to tell you.
I actually
Take a deep breath!
I love you so much! There! I said it!
I think I'm going crazy.
Come to the courtyard. I might be late
But please wait for me.
-Gross.
-Gross.
-Would you go if you got this letter?
-No way!
He's got to be one sick teacher
if he shows up.
-He came!
-He came!
-See, my letter worked.
-I can't believe he actually came.
He must be desperate for girls.
Now, what should I do?
Mr. Matsuzaki has been good to me.
Should I tell Mr. Matsuzaki
about the three of them?
Should I just spit from here?
I see. That's the reason.
He's been waiting for over two hours.
Persevering sicko.
It's all thanks to my letter.
He's so pathetic.
Let's go home. I'm hungry.
-Sure.
-Keep it down.
You finally showed up.
Are you the one who wrote me this letter?
-What?
-What?
-What's going on? She's crazy cute!
-How would I know?
Don't think too hard.
Obviously, it's me
after changing myself into a girl.
Kusuo Saiki is now Kusuko Saiki.
Transformation.
I'm able to transform my body freely.
I don't recognize you. Are you a freshman?
It doesn't matter.
I'm sorry, but I can't return
your feelings.
I'm a teacher, and you're a student.
What?
I waited here just to tell you that.
At first, I thought it was just a prank,
but on the slim chance that it was real,
I couldn't just ignore it
because I didn't want to crush
the feelings of a student.
Why do I have to stand here
and get rejected by this middle-aged guy?
Now you guys know what kind of man he is.
-Don't make noise, you idiot!
-It wasn't me!
What are you doing there?
We're sorry!
You should have been home ages ago!
I'm sorry!
-Wait, Takahashi.
-What?
-Here.
-What? Oh, my Gorillabbit!
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to rip it.
That's why
I did my best to sew it back together,
but it was harder than I thought.
-Now, go home.
-Mr. Matsuzaki!
-We're really sorry!
-We're really sorry!
Good grief.
Who was she?
-I'm in love.
-I wonder what her name is.
It seems I have just created
another problem for myself.
IN THE CASE OF REITA TORITSUKA
Saiki! It's finally here!
What are you talking about?
Come on, you know!
Today's February 14th,
that special, exciting day for boys!
Why are you talking to me?
I can't wait to see if that dark thing
is in my locker or desk.
What? You mean like a crow's corpse?
I wonder how many
Valentine's chocolates I'll get this year.
Oh, that. I couldn't care less.
You could say the amount of chocolates
you get will change your life forever.
It won't.
For this day,
I have carried things for girls
-Where are you going? I'll carry this.
-Oh, thank you.
They didn't need your help.
I complimented them.
Did you switch shampoos? You smell nice.
-Thanks.
-Sexual harassment.
Sometimes, I gave them gifts.
This is a charm I made.
You should put it in your entryway.
Oh, thanks.
That's regular harassment.
I've worked really hard
to get girls to like me!
All the girls have started
to take note of me.
-No, they haven't.
-So, Saiki,
please use your power to see
if I get any chocolates!
Good grief.
Thank you!
He must have misunderstood me.
That wasn't a yes. It was a zero.
Hairo! This is to thank you
for delivering that thing I forgot before.
Thanks!
Hairo! This is for you!
Thank you for coming to watch me practice.
Hairo sure is popular.
Here, Hairo.
This is for playing
with my little brother before.
-They seem obligatory, though.
-Please take these chocolates.
Thank you for taking my grandpa
to the hospital the other day.
It was no big deal!
That is a big deal. That's impressive.
Hairo! Thanks for buying me
chips and juice the other day.
-Are you an errand boy or what?
-Thanks for being a witness in court.
-What happened there?
-Thank you for saving me
when I was attacked by a bear
and tiger simultaneously.
And that wasn't enough
for you to fall for him?
Good morning, Saiki!
Oh, were you watching?
I know. How in the world
am I going to eat all these?
I'm not bragging, though.
They gave me these
only to return the favor.
-None of these have any romantic
-Excuse me!
Please accept my chocolates.
I guess this is another
friendship chocolate.
Good for you. You are his Valentine.
IN THE CASE OF SHUN KAIDO
What is this in my desk?
Chocolates? Good for you, Kaido.
I'm sure this is the work
of the Dark Reunion!
What's wrong with you?
-How many chocolates did you get?
-What about you?
-Mine was in my desk. Yes!
-What are they talking about?
Wait, could this be Valentine's chocolate?
People would tease me
if they saw me with this!
I need to act normal!
But who could it be from?
The only girl I have talked to recently
is Teruhashi.
Hey, did you hear?
Someone saw Teruhashi with chocolates.
What was that, a flute?
That can't be possible.
Valentine's chocolate
True name
"True name"?
Does this mean this person is sincere?
I'm Teruhashi!
IN THE CASE OF RIKI NENDO
I can't believe you fell for it!
Teruhashi would never give you chocolates.
Nendo, there's always a line
you shouldn't cross.
Come on, stop being a downer.
Don't be depressed
because you didn't get a single one.
I mean, I didn't get any either.
-We're in the same boat.
-You just killed Kaido.
Excuse me!
There's something I want to give you.
Would you come with me?
Yes, sure!
No, not you, Nendo,
I meant Kaido.
Kaido, there's always a line
you shouldn't cross.
IN THE CASE OF KOKOMI TERUHASHI
Great, who was it?
Who's the idiot that spread the rumor
that I brought chocolates?
Thanks to that
I can carry your bag for you.
Are you thirsty, Teruhashi?
I bought you peach tea.
Are you hungry, Teruhashi?
I bought some food.
Come on!
-Do you like flowers?
-Do you like pets?
-Teruhashi!
-What is all this?
-Aren't you tired from walking? Ride this!
-I'm tired from dealing with you!
I just want to be left alone today.
-I'm sorry. I need to use the restroom.
-Teruhashi! I have a porta potty
Honestly! Stupid Valentine's!
Who said that I brought chocolates?
Yes! I did! Got a problem with that?
I was going to give this to Saiki
Of course, it's obligatory!
You know, to thank him for the New Year's.
It's for his whole family.
But if the people outside find out
that I gave Saiki
this measly obligatory chocolate,
Saiki would get
No, that's not all.
There would be a World War!
Oh, my goodness.
My chocolate was more dangerous
than a weapon of mass destruction.
No, I can't hand him this.
I'm sorry, Saiki.
IN THE CASE OF KUSUO SAIKI
You're being way too melodramatic.
Pal! Let's hang out!
Hey, are you in there, pal?
Good grief. I'm glad my parents are out.
I can pretend that I'm not home.
I dug a huge hole
in the empty lot over there.
It's super deep!
There's nothing in this world
that would interest me less.
Is he not home?
He finally left.
He almost ruined my Sunday.
Back to my book then.
Nendo?
This is the second floor!
What a funny face!
Were you surprised?
Wait, he isn't Nendo.
Wait, he is Nendo!
You see me, right?
I have a lot of questions,
but there's just one thing I want to say.
-Get out.
-Hey! Hey!
This is the ghost of Nendo's dad
who passed away 17 years ago.
I have seen Nendo's father twice.
The first time was at his grave.
The second was through the eyes
of the spirit medium Toritsuka.
I don't have the power
to see ghosts on my own.
Though I'm able to see him clearly
for some reason now, I'm not surprised.
As you can see from his face,
the father and son definitely share DNA.
Hey, what about now? Funny, right?
In other words,
I don't want to deal with him.
Can you hear me?
Can you not hear me?
Hey, can you not hear me for real?
Enough! This is war.
Oh! So, you can hear me!
You can do magic tricks
or something, right?
I heard it from Reita.
I love magic tricks, so show me something.
Hey. Come on.
It seems physical attacks have no effect.
That is a problem.
Hey, stop ignoring me!
He is just like Nendo.
Is he going to start calling me "pal"?
-Are you screwing with me?
-You're inside me.
-Say something already!
-Oh.
Oh? Good! Finally!
-So, come on, pal!
-I can't stand this!
Why can't he go see his son?
But I guess
he wouldn't have memories of him.
Wow, you totally disappeared.
What? How?
You just teleported here. That's amazing.
He followed me?
Hey, show me something different.
It looks like I have to get serious.
That was pretty good.
That didn't have any effect on him!
Plus the way he regenerates is gross.
I like you.
He's just as annoying as Nendo.
Hey, pal!
He could be the strongest enemy
I have ever faced.
I have no choice.
I'll have the spirit medium do something.
I guess this one wins.
Is this what you do
at your temple every day?
Oh, my goodness! Saiki?
You can't just pop in like that
when a man is conducting
a swimsuit model tournament!
Most people wouldn't be doing that.
I'm in the middle
of the loser's semi-finals.
-Come back later!
-I don't have time for this!
He's your protective spirit, right?
Do something!
Wait, what? Can you see him?
You've developed
spirit medium powers, too?
You're taking away my identity!
-You cheater!
-Not my problem.
You stupid power hog!
Just do something about him.
-He won't leave me alone.
-What?
This guy is just as interesting as
you said he was.
Stop bothering Saiki.
I'll come hang out with you every day.
Don't threaten people with hell
so casually.
There's no way I can do something
you can't.
I see. Then I guess
there's only one option left.
What?
What if I sent you to the afterlife?
Let's test it out.
Killing me won't make
my protective spirit disappear!
Besides, I'll haunt you too, then!
That's okay. You'll probably
return to the void.
No, it really won't work.
Only ghosts can touch other ghosts.
Of course. I know what to do.
Saiki?
What?
Saiki is dead!
It's an ability to separate my soul
from my body.
Souls and ghosts have similar properties.
Oh, right. Astral projection.
-Wow.
-Be more careful with that.
Hey, can you show me another magic trick?
Now, I have a question
for our television audience.
As I went from being a psychic
to a ghost
I can touch you now!
Do you know how effective
ghost attacks against other ghosts are
in that global smash hit video game?
What's going on?
The answer is
It's super effective!
Good grief. I'm tired of getting
derailed by the Nendo family.
Now, time to go home
and get back to my book.
Time for revenge!
You're the enemy of my sweet
swimsuit models!
You are so very lucky.
Only four liters of this Golden Water
can be collected from Mount Fuji each day.
It has magical powers.
Wow, that's amazing!
You can buy one for only 4,500 yen!
-I'll take one then, please.
-Thank you!
What's all this?
Oh, welcome home, Ku!
Drink this! It's Golden Water!
Good grief, did they make you
buy something weird again?
-You don't know how to doubt others.
-I have this space bracelet too.
That's why you're so easily fooled
by these door-to-door salesmen
and shopping networks.
Too many vacuum cleaners.
So, what's with the water?
"Water from Mount Fuji"?
"Has magical powers"?
Of course it doesn't.
Even if it did, we could get it for free
if I went to collect it every day.
Just drink it.
He said drinking it will prevent sickness.
Have I ever been sick or hurt before?
Look at these other things!
-Fire extinguishers!
-I can put out fires. Not needed.
-Tree pruner!
-I can reach. Not needed.
-Book on levitation!
-I can already do it. Not needed.
And this automatic egg cracker!
You can crack an egg by just putting it in
and pulling this lever!
Nobody needs that.
The phone? Who could that be?
Hello?
What? My husband has been
arrested for groping?
He'll be let go if we just paid
a million yen?
I'll go transfer the money now!
I have terrible news, Ku!
Your father was
We need to go to the bank?
I'm home!
Honey, what are you doing here?
Aren't you supposed to be in jail?
I didn't do it!
Why would I grope anyone?
But you said on the phone, "It was me."
That's clearly a scam!
How could you get fooled by it too, Kusuo?
It just seemed plausible.
No way! You definitely knew
it was a scam, didn't you?
We almost lost a million yen there.
But look at all these they made you buy.
How much did you spend?
-About a million yen for everything.
-What did you say?
I need to lick 75 shoes
to make that much money!
What kind of calculation is that?
I'm sorry.
I thought these things I bought
would make both of you happy.
Don't worry about it, honey.
You bought these for us after all.
It's really the thought that counts.
One million yen is nothing.
-Honey
-I'm already over it. Let's have dinner.
Okay! I'll set the table right away!
Please, Master Kusuo!
Where did all that bravado go?
It's fine though. I'll do it.
Man, she was an easy mark.
My teleport ability
was just the right one for the job.
Thank goodness! No shoe-licking for me!
I'll buy you a cup of coffee jelly later!
-Just one?
-Oh, I mean, buy as many as you want.
I'm so sorry.
I told you not to worry about it.
A lot of those salesmen have visited
our house. Over ten have visited today.
What? That many?
I am guessing your name
is on some customer list.
Honey, I'll chase away any salesman
that comes by!
I'm suddenly getting a headache.
Go! I'm not buying anything!
Sir, what a fine house you have!
Owning a house at your age is a dream!
What, really?
This prism cleaner cleans your home
inside and out!
-I'll take three, then.
-No, that won't work.
I just had an unfortunate vision.
-Then, you can just crush all of them.
-Don't be ridiculous.
We need to show them we're unwilling
so that they remove us from their list.
And having mom do it
would be most effective.
Of course, with a little help from me.
Excuse me.
Oh, thank you for the other day, ma'am.
I'm Busujima from Damas Health.
Please go away!
-Please, ma'am!
-I'm sorry. Please leave!
Oh, was your family against you?
I thought so. I know how men
can be so unsupportive!
But those men are the ones
who tend to get stressed.
And it's up to you to save them!
You need to watch over their health!
I'll buy everything!
-Mom is hopeless.
-She cares about our health so much.
Whatever. It's time to turn it on.
This is way too easy.
She doesn't even know
it's just plain water.
You're going to be my big cash cow.
What is this?
Yes, this is telepathic hijacking.
I'm using my telepathic ability
to send his thoughts
directly to my mother.
I'm going to bleed you dry
until your whole family goes bankrupt!
Well, I should be going now.
You're not going anywhere.
Bankrupt us?
How dare you say all that
about my beloved family.
There's one thing
I will buy from you, though.
And that's this fight!
Help me!
We will never see that salesman again.
What's this? A ring?
I need to return this too.
That was scary.
Is this what's doing it?
My telepathy stopped working.
After studying it, I figured out
that it was just a normal ring.
But this ring is made
from something called germanium.
I believe this is the culprit.
I don't know how it works,
but it seems that when I touch germanium,
it prevents me
from using my telepathic ability.
What an amazing discovery!
It's so quiet.
I was born with telepathic ability,
causing me to hear thoughts of people
in a 200-meter radius.
Even in this residential neighborhood,
two hundred meters is like being
in a crowded food court all the time.
But what is this quietness?
This is amazing.
What are you doing?
Why do you act like you're surprised?
Dinner's ready. I'm sure you knew that
through telepathy.
Don't startle me like that.
It's nice to be rid of the noise,
but getting startled like that
is bad for my heart.
With my telepathic powers,
I always knew when people were coming.
Kusuo isn't coming down.
The food is getting cold.
Moreover,
I always knew why they were coming to me.
I have lived my whole life
as if that was normal.
At this stage,
it means all people will become Nendo
while I'm wearing this ring.
That is hell. Should I take it off?
No, stop being such a coward.
That's right!
There is somewhere I've always wanted
to go if I didn't have telepathy.
I'm here!
I didn't teleport.
I met three Nendos along the way,
but I edited those parts out.
Yes, the place I've wanted to go
is the movie theater!
Having telepathic ability is the worst
when you are at a movie theater.
When I was younger,
there was a movie I was dying to see.
However
I can't believe the main character
was a ghost.
What a twist.
I knew the ending two seconds
after I entered the theater.
A movie theater is full of people
who are about to watch a movie
and people who already have.
So, the next time, I went to see a movie
on the first showing of the first day.
One child. Have fun.
Is this little boy going to be okay?
The hero gets turned into jelly
and dies at the end of this movie.
It was an unexpected ambush.
Then I decided to go see a movie
fully prepared to have it spoiled.
I can't wait.
-I want to go pee.
-It's so cold.
I'm sleepy.
It's so noisy.
After that, I gave up
on going to the movie theater.
But I have this today.
So, I'm here to watch the newest movie
in the actual theater!
One student ticket.
I got my ticket with ease, Nendo E.
-Man, that was good.
-Yes.
It's not going to work,
Nendo F and Nendo G.
It doesn't matter if you already
watched it. You can't spoil it.
Sorry, I went to the bathroom.
-Man, that ending was amazing.
-Oh, no!
You know, that scene where the hero breaks
every bone and dies.
Oh, that one.
Whatever!
Unlike inner voices, I can cover my ears
to stop myself from hearing normal voices.
That kind of sucked.
-Yes.
-It was such a boring movie.
The movie is about to start
in theater three.
I got a little carried away with the food.
Well, it is my first time after all.
Watch where you're going!
You almost got juice on me.
What a waste.
Curse you, Nendo I and JK.
If I had my telepathic ability,
this wouldn't have
No, what am I even thinking?
I'm the one who didn't want that power.
This is a small thing to endure.
NENDO I, NENDO JK
I can't rely on psychic powers.
This is my seat.
It's a pretty good seat.
You're a wonderful thing, germanium ring.
I'm never going to let you go.
Saiki?
What a coincidence.
Oh, my gosh.
Why did I have to bump into Teruhashi?
Something seems wrong.
I don't know what Teruhashi is thinking.
No, she's not Teruhashi anymore.
To me, she's Nendo L now!
This is too dangerous, but it's okay!
I have been dying to see this movie.
The live action version
of Healthy Warrior Specialiser.
Even though live-action anime adaptations
are usually bad,
I had given up on so many of them already.
-But thanks to this ring
-Saiki, not that I'm making excuses,
but I'm saying this
so you don't get the wrong idea.
-I'm here with someone.
-What?
Kokomi! I bought popcorn.
Who's this?
He must be something
to pass Teruhashi's scrutiny
Hey, you! Who are you to my Kokomi?
What?
Don't take off your sunglasses.
-What? No way!
-Look!
-It's the star Touru Mugami!
-Oh, crap!
-What is he doing here?
-Can I get an autograph?
Teruhashi.
Of all the people
you could have brought
If only I used my telepathic ability,
this never would have happened.
MOVIE CANCELED
Good grief.
I am bothered by troublesome people
once again.
I was surprised to learn
the effects of germanium, but
Next time
More characters to give me trouble.
Subtitle translation by Zensho Yamamoto