The Fall Guy (1981) s01e08 Episode Script
No Way Out
WELL, I'M NOT THE KIND TO KISS AND TELL BUT I'VE BEEN SEEN WITH FARRAH I'VE NEVER BEEN WITH ANYTHING LESS THAN A NINE SO FINE I'VE BEEN ON FIRE WITH SALLY FIELD GONE FAS WITH A GIRL NAMED BO BUT SOMEHOW THEY JUS DON'T END UP AS MINE IT'S A DEATH-DEFYIN' LIFE I LEAD I TAKE MY CHANCES I DIE FOR A LIVIN' IN THE MOVIES AND TV [ Siren Wailing .]
BUT THE HARDEST THING I EVER DO IS WATCH MY LEADING LADIES KISS SOME OTHER GUY WHILE I'M BANDAGIN' MY KNEE I MIGHT FALL FROM A TALL BUILDIN' I MIGHT ROLL A BRAND-NEW CAR 'CAUSE I'M THE UNKNOWN STUNTMAN THAT MADE REDFORD SUCH A STAR [ Women Vocalizing .]
I'VE NEVER SPEN MUCH TIME IN SCHOOL BUT I'VE TAUGH LADIES PLENTY IT'S TRUE I HIRE MY BODY OUT FOR PAY HEY, HEY I'VE GOTTEN BURNED OVER CHERYL TIEGS BLOWN UP FOR RAQUEL WELCH BUT WHEN I WIND UP IN THE HAY, IT'S ONLY HAY HEY, HEY I MIGHT JUMP AN OPEN DRAWBRIDGE OR TARZAN FROM A VINE 'CAUSE I'M THE UNKNOWN STUNTMAN THAT MAKES EASTWOOD LOOK SO FINE [ Colt Narrating .]
THIS IS THE STORY OF ONE OF AMERICA'S GREAT UNSUNG HEROES.
I MEAN, YOU'VE SEEN HIM, BUT YOU NEVER KNEW WHO HE WAS.
YOU'VE CHEERED FOR HIM AND CRIED FOR HIM, WOMEN HAVE WANTED TO DIE FOR HIM.
BUT DID HE EVER GET ANY CREDIT? OR THE GIRL? NO.
HE WAS WHAT WE CALL A STUNTMAN.
AND THE REASON I'M TALKIN' SO FONDLY ABOUT HIM IS-- WELL, BECAUSE IT'S ME, COLT SEAVERS.
ANYWAY, PICTURE WORK ISN'T WALL-TO-WALL EMPLOYMENT.
SO MAYBE YOU WONDER HOW A GUY KEEPS HIS HEAD TOGETHER.
WELL, ONE WAY IS TO WAIT BY THE PHONE AND WAIT AND WAIT.
THE OTHER IS TO TAKE AN OCCASIONAL JOB FOR THE COURT SYSTEM OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, WHERE A MAN IS CONSIDERED INNOCEN UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY.
UNFORTUNATELY, SOMETIMES A LO OF THESE PEOPLE GET OUT OF JAIL ON WHAT WE CALL BAIL.
AND THEY RUN LIKE HELL.
THAT'S WHERE I COME IN.
I SOMETIMES PICK UP RENT MONEY TRYIN' TO FIND THEM AND BRING THEM BACK TO JUSTICE.
RIGHT NOW I'M WORKIN' ON ONE OF THOSE FAMOUS TV SHOWS THAT FEATURE STUNTMEN.
YOU'VE PROBABLY SEEN IT.
[ Engine Revving .]
[ Engine Stops .]
WE'RE HERE TODAY ON THE OUTSKIRTS OF LAS VEGAS, NEVADA, WHERE ONE OF HOLLYWOOD'S MOS DARING STUNTMEN, COLT SEAVERS, IS ABOUT TO ATTEMPT ONE OF THE MOST DEATH-DEFYING STUNTS EVER SEEN ON THIS SHOW.
THEY'RE MOVING THE RAMP IN PLACE AND RAISING I TO ITS PROPER HEIGHT, WHILE COLT IS MAKING A FINAL CHECK ON HIS EQUIPMENT.
THE FILM CREWS ARE MAKING SURE THEY'LL BE READY FOR THE JUMP AS WELL.
I'M SURE COLT WON'T WANT TO DO THIS JUMP AGAIN IF THEY MISS IT.
THE BUSES ARE NOW MOVING INTO PLACE.
EACH BUS IS OVER 40 FEE IN LENGTH, SO COLT'S JUMP WILL COVER A DISTANCE CLOSE TO 160 FEET.
WHEN COLT RELEASES HIS CLUTCH AT THE CRUCIAL MOMENT, HE'LL HAVE TO HIT THE TAKEOFF RAMP AT OVER 60 MILES PER HOUR.
HE'S GOING TO ATTEMP TO JUMP HIS MOTORCYCLE OVER THESE FOUR YELLOW BUSES PARKED END TO END-- A SIGHT I KNOW YOU WON' WANT TO MISS.
SO STAY TUNED.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A STUNT THAT'S GONNA MAKE YOU TURN TO THE PERSON NEXT TO YOU AND SAY, "NOW, THAT'S INCREDIBLE.
" AND CUT.
BEAUTIFUL, CATHY LEE.
GOOD.
FINALLY, COLT.
FINALLY, YOU'RE GETTING THE RECOGNITION YOU DESERVE.
YEAH, WELL, I'LL BE GETTING THE INJURIES I DESERVE IF I DON'T MAKE SURE EVERYTHING GOES PERFECT.
HEY, YOU REMEMBER WHEN CATHY LEE SAID THAT YOU WERE THE MOS DARING STUNTMAN IN HOLLYWOOD? YEAH.
I REALLY FELT PROUD.
THAT'S REAL NICE, KID.
I APPRECIATE THAT.
SOMEDAY THEY'LL SAY THA ABOUT ME.
YEAH, WELL, HOW ABOUT TODAY? TODAY? WELL, UH-- WELL, I'D LOVE TO, COLT, BUT, UH-- BUT-- BUT THINK ABOUT ALL THOSE PEOPLE OUT THERE IN TV LAND.
THEY'RE EXPECTING TO SEE YOU, NOT ME.
WELL, I'M NOT SAYING I COULDN'T DO IT.
WELL, YOU GOTTA START SOMETIME.
I MEAN, I COULD EXPLAIN TO THE AUDIENCE.
THAT'S WHAT I LOVE ABOUT YOU, COLT-- YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR IN TIMES OF REAL DANGER.
WELL, I'LL TRY AND LEAVE 'EM LAUGHIN'.
THE MOMENT HAS NOW ARRIVED.
COLT SEAVERS IS GOING BACK TO HIS STARTING POSITION, SO LET'S HOLD OUR BREATH.
OKAY, GET THE CHOPPER IN POSITION! [ Director .]
ALL RIGHT NOW, GUYS, THIS IS IT.
GET READY.
"A" CAMERA, GET READY.
OBVIOUSLY, THE WIND IS GOING TO BE A TREMENDOUS FACTOR TODAY BECAUSE PINPOINT ACCURACY IS A MUST.
ONE MISCALCULATION COULD MEAN A MAN'S LIFE.
- PIECE OF CAKE, COLT.
- YEAH, I'D LIKE TO THINK SO.
ALL RIGHT.
LOOKS LIKE HE'S READY TO BEGIN.
READY? GO GET 'EM! MAKING HIS APPROACH.
HE'S AT THE RAMP.
AND HE'S OFF! HE DID IT! PERFECT LANDING.
COLT SEAVERS HAS DONE IT AGAIN.
WELL, THERE YOU HAVE IT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, AND IT WAS INCREDIBLE.
VERY GOOD, CATHY LEE.
VERY GOOD.
WELL, COLT, YOU DID IT AGAIN.
WELL, ALL IN A DAY'S WORK.
YOU SAY THAT SO CALMLY.
[ Chuckles .]
LISTEN, TELL ME SOMETHING.
WHEN YOU WERE FLYING OVER THOSE BUSES, DID THE POSSIBILITY OF FAILURE EVER ENTER YOUR MIND? ARE YOU KIDDING? I WAS TOO BUSY PRAYIN'.
[ Chuckles .]
DID YOU HEAR CATHY LEE? "INCREDIBLE.
" YEAH.
WHAT IT WAS WAS INCREDIBLY PAINFUL.
YEAH.
WELL, COME ON.
LET'S HIT THE STRIP AND CELEBRATE.
YOU DESERVE IT, AND I'M GONNA PAY FOR THE WHOLE NIGHT.
UH, YEAH? HOW? THE HOWARD MUNSON SECRE PRINCETON COMPUTER COURSE IN CARD COUNTING.
[ Crowd Chattering .]
[ Man .]
COMING OUT AGAIN.
PLACE YOUR BETS, PLEASE.
[ Man .]
ELEVEN! WINNER, WINNER, WINNER.
PAY THE LINE.
[ Crowd Cheers .]
BLACKJACK! THIS OLD BROAD GETS BLACKJACK, AND I'M SITTING HERE WITH ZILCH.
AH, THAT'S THE STORY OF MY LIFE.
WHAT DO YOU NEED? A CALCULATOR? I DON'T BELIEVE WHAT I JUST SAW.
YOU HIT A 17? ARE YOU SOME KIND OF A MORON? WHY DON'T YOU CATCH THE NEXT BUS TO OMAHA BEFORE YOU HAVE TO HOCK AWAY YOUR KIDS.
YOU BE GOOD TO ME, AND I'M GONNA TAKE CARE OF YA.
YOU CALL THAT BEIN' GOOD, YOU BUM? GET THE PIT BOSS.
I WANT $2,500 MORE.
- YOU IN TOWN FOR A LITTLE ACTION? - HMM? - COME ON.
I RECOGNIZE A PRO.
- WELL, I NEVER! LAST TIME I SAW A MOUTH LIKE HERS, IT HAD A HOOK IN IT.
[ Chuckles .]
I'M AFRAID, MR.
CARNESCO, YOU'RE OVER YOUR CREDIT LIMIT.
LIMIT? DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I'M LOU CARNESCO.
I CARRY A LOT OF WEIGH IN THIS TOWN.
NO.
EVERY CASINO IN THIS TOWN'S CARRYING YOUR WEIGHT.
YOU'RE TAPPED OUT, LOU.
YOU OWE EVERYBODY.
WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT! DON'T WORRY, HONEY.
THE FLEET IS DUE IN AT THE END OF THE MONTH.
HI, LOU.
HEAR YOU BEEN LOSIN'.
WHAT'S IT TO YOU? IRV, THAT'S A NICE TIE.
MARINARA SAUCE GOES GOOD WITH THE MEATBALL HERE.
IT'S NOT NICE TO GAMBLE AWAY THE MONEY YOU OWE OTHER PEOPLE.
MR.
ALEXIS IS TIRED OF WAITING.
HE ASKED US TO BRING YOU TO HIM.
OH, YEAH? WELL, YOU CAN TAKE A MESSAGE BACK TO YOUR BOSS-- LOU, COME ACROSS.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO PAY UP.
WHAT'D YOU THINK YOU WERE GONNA DO? WIN THE MONEY? [ Irv .]
WE HEAR YOU EVEN GOT BUSTED IN A CRAP GAME DOWN IN L.
A.
THAT DOESN'T MAKE MR.
ALEXIS TOO HAPPY EITHER.
WHAT I DO IN L.
A.
IS MY BUSINESS.
NOT WHEN YOU DO IT ON MONEY YOU OWE A REAL PATIENT MAN.
I'M SORRY, LOU.
HE WANTS TO SEE YOU.
NOW.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? MUSCLE ME RIGHT HERE IN THE CASINO? THE CONGLOMERATES THAT OWN THESE JOINTS WOULD LOVE THAT.
EVEN YOUR BIG-SHOT BOSS COULDN' HANDLE THAT KIND OF HEAT! [ Irv .]
OKAY, LOU, YOU BE CUTE.
BUT YOU GOTTA LEAVE THIS HOTEL EVENTUALLY.
WE'RE GONNA BE WAITING FOR YOU.
[ Beeping .]
- HELLO? - DID YOU BREAK ANY LEGS TODAY? - WHO IS THIS? - LOU CARNESCO.
- I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.
WHAT DO YOU WANT? - PUT THE IMMIGRANT ON.
- WHO? - YOUR BOAT-BACK BOSS.
IT'S LOU CARNESCO, BOSS.
ARE YOU DRUNK, CARNESCO, CALLING HERE AT THIS HOUR? - I'M SOBER, I'M BROKE, AND I WANT CASH.
- YOU'RE CALLING ME FOR CASH? NO, I'M ORDERING A PIZZA TO GO, YOU SLEAZEBAG.
- I WANT 50 GRAND TONIGHT.
- I THINK YOU'RE CRAZY.
CRAZY? IF YOU DON'T PLAY BALL WITH ME, YOU'D BETTER BE ON THE NEX GREYHOUND OUTTA HERE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT I'M HEARING.
I'M ONTO YOUR SCAM, ALEXIS.
I'VE WRITTEN A LITTLE BOOK I THINK YOU'D BE INTERESTED IN.
IT LISTS EVERY FANCY DINNER YOU'VE EVER HAD WITH EVERY BIG-SHOT ATHLETE BEFORE EVERY BIG GAME THAT YOU JUST HAPPENED TO HAVE BET A LOT OF MONEY ON.
AM I GETTING THROUGH THAT SUNBAKED NEAPOLITAN SKULL OF YOURS? UP UNTIL NOW, I THOUGHT YOU WERE ONLY BORDERLINE LUNATIC.
[ Exhales .]
ARE YOU HONESTLY THINKING OF SHAKING ME DOWN? - I'M NOT THINKING ABOUT IT.
- YOU MAKE ME VERY SAD, LOU.
I'M TELLING YOU, IF I DON' HAVE 50 GRAND IN TWO HOURS, THIS LITTLE JOURNAL GOES INTO THE NEWSPAPERS, AND YOU GO INTO THE SLAMMER ALONG WITH YOUR FANCY JOCK FRIENDS, YOU MOOCHER.
GOOD-BYE, LOU.
WAIT A MINUTE.
- DON'T YOU WANNA KNOW WHERE TO BRING THE MONEY? - WHAT FOR? YOU'RE A DEAD MAN.
[ Line Clicks .]
I DON'T THINK THAT WORKED.
HIT ME.
WELL, KID, HOW WE DOIN'? NOT NOW, COLT.
I HAVE TO CONCENTRATE.
AGAIN.
YEAH, WELL, WE CERTAINLY DON'T WANNA MESS UP YOUR SYSTEM.
UH, I THINK I'LL TAKE THE GIRLS OVER TO THE CIRCUS CIRCUS.
THEY, UH, WANNA PLAY SOME GAMES.
I'M SORRY, COLT.
I WAS RIGHT IN THE MI-- - MY GOD.
- OH, UH, KID, THIS IS CANDY AND SUGAR.
HI.
HI.
OR CANDY AND SUGAR.
UH, THEY'RE BOTH SWEET.
[ "Wedding March" Playing .]
[ Ends .]
OKAY, YOU LOVEBIRDS, THE BIG MOMENT IS HERE.
CRYSTAL, BABY, I GOTTA TALK TO YOU.
LOUIS, THE CEREMONY'S ABOUT TO START.
NOW JUST WAIT.
BIG DEAL.
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? GET SENTIMENTAL? I CAN'T TALK TO YOU RIGHT NOW.
I'M EVELYN'S WITNESS.
CRYSTAL, LOVE IS WAITING.
[ Chuckles .]
SEE WHAT I MEAN? I'LL GET RID OF THOSE TWO.
CONGRATULATIONS, MISTER.
LONGFELLOW, MANNY LONGFELLOW.
THAT'S WONDERFUL.
MANNY, IS THAT A DO-IT-YOURSELF HAIR TRANSPLANT? - HUH? - OH, LOUIS, THESE ARE MY FRIENDS.
WELL, EVELYN, YOU FINALLY SNAGGED ONE.
DO YOU TWO KNOW EACH OTHER? KNOW EACH OTHER? WHY, WE LIVED WITH EACH OTHER SIX WEEKS.
-OF COURSE, SHE WAS GOIN' WITH A COUPLE OTHER GUYS AT THE TIME.
-LOUIS! I NEVER SAW THIS MAN IN MY LIFE! OH, EVELYN, YOU'RE A GOOD SPORT.
- OF COURSE, IN YOUR PROFESSION YOU GOTTA BE A GOOD SPORT.
- PROFESSION? - LOUIS, PLEASE.
- MY GOD, DIDN'T YOU TELL THIS GUY ANYTHING? TELL ME WHAT? NOTHING, MANNY.
HE MUST BE CRAZY.
OH, I GET IT.
CRAZY.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
CRAZY.
UH-HUH.
I-- I NEVER SAW THIS WOMAN BEFORE.
EVELYN, SAY HELLO TO THE NATIONAL GUARD, WILL YA? CRYSTAL, I GOTTA TALK TO YOU, BABY.
THAT WAS MEAN.
WELL, YOU'LL STRAIGHTEN IT OU AFTER I LEAVE.
WHAT I GOT TO TALK TO YOU ABOU IS A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH.
LIFE AND DEATH.
WHOSE? MINE.
I TOOK A CHANCE ON A SMALL LONG SHOT, AND I LOST.
HOW SMALL OF A LONG SHOT? WELL, I TRIED TO GE A NEW STAKE BY SHAKING DOWN YOUR BOSS, WARREN ALEXIS.
OH, NO, LOUIS, YOU DIDN'T.
NOW THAT'S THE DUMBEST THING YOU'VE EVER DONE.
I KNOW.
COULD YOU FRONT ME SOME MONEY SO I CAN GET OUT OF TOWN? I'M BROKE, AND BESIDES, WARREN ISN'T GONNA LET YOU LEAVE TOWN.
HE'LL HAVE ALL THE EXITS STAKED OUT.
WELL, THEN LOAN ME YOUR CAR.
THEY WON'T BE LOOKING FOR IT.
I CAN'T.
MY CAR'S IN THE SHOP.
GREAT.
[ Sobbing .]
NOW, DEAR, DON'T CRY.
[ Phone Ringing .]
- SAMANTHA JACK SPEAKING.
- LOU CARNESCO.
- WHERE ARE YOU? - LAS VEGAS.
- YOU MISSED YOUR COURT DATE.
- IT SLIPPED MY MIND, BUT I'M SORRY.
LISTEN, I WANNA TURN MYSELF IN.
[ Arguing .]
YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO LEAVE THE STATE.
LOOK, DO YOU WANT ME BACK, OR DO YOU WANNA EAT MY BOND? - WHEN WILL YOU BE HERE? - AS SOON AS YOU GET SOMEONE TO COME PICK ME UP.
- I'M BROKE.
- I'LL WIRE YOU A BUS TICKET.
NO, NO.
THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
LET ME LEVEL WITH YA.
I DOUBLE-CROSSED A VERY IMPORTANT MAN, AND HE WANTS TO LEAVE ME BURIED IN THE DESERT.
WHAT I NEED FROM YOU NOW IS TO GET ME IN A NICE, SAFE CALIFORNIA JAIL.
YOU'RE IN LUCK.
THE ONLY MAN THAT COULD POSSIBLY SAVE YOU IS ALREADY IN LAS VEGAS.
I'LL HAVE HIM BRING YOU BACK.
HAVE HIM MEET ME AT THE BELLS ARE RINGING CHAPEL IN TWO HOURS.
FINE.
[ Together .]
WELL, THANKS A LOT, GUYS.
YOU SURE KNOW HOW TO PICK 'EM, COLT.
OH, COME ON, KID.
HOW DID I KNOW THOSE SWEET GIRLS WERE ENGAGED TO A COUPLE OF LINEBACKERS FOR THE ATLANTA FALCONS? YEAH, WELL, SOMEHOW THIS ISN'T THE WILD TIME IN VEGAS I'D ENVISIONED.
MR.
COLT SEAVERS? WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR MOMENTUM? IT'S EARLY, KID.
JUST GIVE 'EM TIME.
THEY DON'T KNOW WE'RE HERE YET.
MR.
SEAVERS? MR.
COLT SEAVERS? THAT'S ME.
THAT'S ME.
UH, THAT'S ME! WORD'S GETTIN' AROUND.
UH-HUH.
THANK YOU, DARLING.
UH, KID, GIVE HER A DOLLAR.
HELLO, COLT SEAVERS HERE.
HI, COLT.
IT'S ME, JACK.
THANK YOU.
BIG JACK? IT'S BIG JACK.
UH, BIG JACK, HOW DID YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND US? I'VE HAD YOU PAGED IN EVERY CASINO ON THE STRIP.
I'VE GOT A JOB FOR YOU.
A JOB? WELL, I DON'T KNOW, UH, JACK.
WE GOT IT PRETTY GOOD HERE.
OH, YEAH, WE'RE SITTIN' HERE WITH A COUPLE OF PRETTY BLONDES AND GOT OUR POCKETS FULL OF WINNINGS WITH HOWIE'S NEW SYSTEM.
SHOOT.
AFTER TODAY'S STUN THEY'RE BEGINNING TO TREAT US LIKE CELEBRITIES.
- I DON'T THINK YOU COULD PAY ENOUGH TO GET US OUT OF HERE.
- WHAT DO YOU SAY TO $2,000? AND THE MAN IS RIGHT THERE IN LAS VEGAS.
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS BRING HIM BACK TO L.
A.
INSTEAD OF DEADHEADING IN YOUR EMPTY TRUCK.
$2,000? AND HE'S RIGHT HERE IN VEGAS? HIS NAME IS LOU CARNESCO, AND HE'S WILLING TO MEET YOU AT THE BELLS ARE RINGING CHAPEL ON PARADISE ROAD.
MEET ME? IF HE'S WILLING TO MEET ME, WHY DON'T YOU JUST HAVE HIM GET ON A PLANE AND FLY BACK AND SAVE YOURSELF TWO GRAND? COLT.
I SAID WILLING, NOT ANXIOUS.
I THREATENED HIM WITH YOUR NOTORIETY, AND HE FOLDED HIS TENT.
[ Sighs .]
WELL, I DON'T SEE HOW I CAN PASS UP SUCH EASY MONEY.
SINCE WE'RE COMIN' HOME ANYWAY, WE'LL PICK HIM UP.
THANKS, COLT.
YOU'RE TERRIFIC.
HEADIN' HOME? COLT, I HAVEN'T HAD A CHANCE TO PROVE MY SYSTEM YET.
AH, KID, IT'S TIME TO TRY A SYSTEM THAT ALWAYS PAYS OFF.
IT'S CALLED WORK.
LET'S GO.
[ Coins Clattering .]
LOU! LOU CARNESCO? [ Lou .]
WHO IS IT? BIG JACK SENT US.
- THERE SOMETHIN' WRONG? - I'M JUST LOOKIN' FOR CHANGE.
HEY, WHO'D SHE SEND ME? THE KID AND THE COWBOY? VERY FUNNY.
LET'S GO.
HOW ARE WE GETTIN' BACK TO L.
A.
? ON HORSEBACK? WHY DO I HAVE THE FEELING THIS IS NOT GONNA BE A FUN TRIP? [ Howie .]
IF YOU WANNA GET SOME SLEEP, COLT, I CAN, UH, GO THE DISTANCE.
OH, NO, JUST GET US TO BARSTOW.
I'LL TAKE OVER FROM THERE.
WHAT'S ALL THIS "FALL GUY" JUNK? WE'RE STUNTMEN.
YOU MEAN I'M RIDING WITH TWO STUNTMEN? THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU GUYS ARE ALL LUNATICS! CARD-CARRYING KAMIKAZES.
YOU GOT A REAL SWEE DISPOSITION, YOU KNOW THAT? YOU'RE NOT TOO MANY LAUGHS YOURSELF, COMEDIAN.
[ Lou .]
HEY, WHAT MOVIES WERE YOU IN? COME ON.
WHAT IS THIS? TWENTY QUESTIONS? NO, REALLY.
I MIGHT HAVE SEEN YA.
I GO TO MOVIES ALL THE TIME, AND NOT JUST PORNOS.
COME ON.
NAME A FEW OF THE MOVIES.
THERE'S SOMEONE ON OUR TAIL.
I MUST HAVE MISSED THAT ONE.
GIVE ME ANOTHER.
[ Honking .]
I THINK THEY WANT US TO PULL OVER, COLT.
MUST BE SOMETHIN' WRONG WITH THE TRUCK.
DON'T PULL OVER.
WHY NOT? THAT'S WHY, MORON! [ Gunshot .]
NOT BAD, KID.
YOU LEARNED A LOT.
TOO BAD WE'RE NO GETTING THIS ON FILM.
I WAS RIGHT.
ALL YOU GUYS ARE LUNATICS.
[ Tires Squealing .]
KID, WHEN YOU GET OVER THIS HILL, HIT THE BRAKES.
RIGHT.
HIT THE BRAKES? YEAH, AND HANG ON.
- HIT IT, KID.
- [ Tires Squealing .]
I THINK THEY SHOT A TIRE.
WELL, DON'T STOP NOW.
ALL RIGHT, FUNNY MAN, NOW LET'S HEAR IT.
HEAR WHAT? WHY THOSE MEN TRIED TO KILL US.
THEY PROBABLY DIDN'T LIKE YOUR LAST MOVIE.
THAT'S IT.
KID, YOU GO THAT TIRE FIXED YET? YEAH, IT'S ALL DONE.
YEAH, WELL, LET'S GO.
WE'RE GETTIN' OUTTA HERE.
WE'LL SEE YOU LATER, LOU.
WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU'RE GONNA LEAVE ME STRANDED HERE IN THE DESERT WITH THOSE KILLERS AFTER ME! WE'RE LUNATICS, REMEMBER? OKAY, I'LL TELL YA.
BUT IT'S NOTHING REALLY.
I TRIED A LITTLE BLACKMAIL WITH THIS GUY IN TOWN.
HE DIDN'T GO FOR IT.
WHAT GUY? SORT OF A MOB GUY.
MOB? AS IN-- [ Lou .]
YOU GOT IT.
AND YOU CALL US LUNATICS? WE'RE GETTIN' OUTTA HERE, KID.
WE'RE SITTIN' DUCKS.
THEY SAW YOU WITH ME.
THEY'LL THINK YOU'RE INVOLVED.
YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT OUTTA VEGAS.
HEY, YOU'RE NOT WITH US ANYMORE.
WE HAVE JUST BECOME UNINVOLVED.
WELL, THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK.
THIS GUY WILL COVER US EVERY TIME WE MAKE A MOVE.
SO YOU TWO ARE IN THIS DEAL RIGHT ALONG WITH ME.
- UH, WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT, LOU? - I GOT SOMETHING THEY WANT.
IF THEY CATCH UP WITH ME AND I DON'T HAVE IT ON ME, THEY'LL THINK I GAVE IT TO YOU.
WHY WOULD THEY THINK THAT? BECAUSE THAT'S WHA I'LL TELL 'EM TO SAVE MY LIFE.
OH, GET IN THE TRUCK.
I KNEW YOU'D SEE IT MY WAY.
AFTER WE GET YOU OUTTA HERE, YOU MAY WISH THAT WE HAD TURNED YOU OVER TO THEM.
[ Alexis .]
I DON'T CARE IF YOU HAVE TO SHUT DOWN THE TOWN.
I WANT THAT NOTEBOOK.
PUT THE WORD OUT ON THE STREET.
CARNESCO DOESN'T LEAVE VEGAS.
YOU DISAPPOINTED ME, GENTLEMEN.
I ASKED YOU TO PERFORM ONE SIMPLE SERVICE, AND YOU LET ME DOWN.
HE GOT HELP.
A COUPLE OF COWBOYS SHOWED UP, TRIED TO HUSTLE HIM OUT OF TOWN.
THEN YOU HAVE TO NAIL THEM TOO.
IF THEY WANT TO HELP THAT MADMAN, THEY'LL HAVE TO PAY THE CONSEQUENCES.
DON'T WORRY, MR.
ALEXIS.
BY TONIGHT, HE'LL BE IN YOUR HANDS.
I PROMISE YOU.
I CERTAINLY HOPE SO.
IF BY SOME CHANCE THAT PUGNACIOUS LITTLE FOOL MAKES GOOD ON HIS THREAT, I'LL BE PUT IN A VERY UNPLEASANT POSITION, AND SO WOULD THE TWO OF YOU.
I'M NOT GOING TO BE HUMILIATED BY THAT TWO-BIT FLAKE WHO DOESN'T KNOW WHEN HE'S OUT OF HIS LEAGUE.
HE'S AS GOOD AS DEAD.
THERE'S NO WAY OUT.
YOU GOT A JOB TO DO.
GET GOING.
THIS WHAT YOU CALL A BRIGHT IDEA? NO.
A BRIGHT IDEA WOULD BE TO TELL BIG JACK I NEVER FOUND YOU.
I CALLED JODY.
SHE'S GONNA MEET YOU AT THE AIRPORT.
GOOD.
THANKS FOR THE HELP, KID.
THIS OUGHTA GET YOU A MERIT BADGE.
LOU, IN THE SHORT TIME I'VE KNOWN YOU, I'VE REALLY COME TO DISLIKE YOU.
COLT, I'M GONNA TAKE OFF.
ALL RIGHT.
YOU BE CAREFUL.
THEY'LL BE LOOKIN' FOR THAT TRUCK.
-IF THEY SPOT IT, DON'T TRY TO BE A HERO.
HEAD FOR THE POLICE.
-I WILL.
I WANT YOU TO KNOW I GET AIRSICKNESS.
AND I HATE THOSE LITTLE BAGS.
TERRIFIC.
[ Woman On P.
A.
.]
TRANSCONTINENTAL AIRLINES FLIGHT 13 FROM SAN FRANCISCO NOW ARRIVING AT GATE 4.
GLOBE AIRWAYS FLIGHT 86 TO PHOENIX NOW BOARDING AT GATE 6.
MR.
R.
JOHNSTON, WHITE COURTESY PHONE.
MR.
R.
JOHNSTON, WHITE COURTESY PHONE, PLEASE.
I'VE BEEN IN BREADLINES THAT MOVED FASTER THAN THIS.
WILL YOU RELAX? HOW CAN I RELAX? WHY DON'T YOU WAKE UP, SEAVERS? HOW COME WE HAVEN' SEEN ANY OF THOSE GOONS? THEY KNOW WE WANNA GET OUTTA TOWN.
THIS WOULD BE THE FIRS PLACE THEY'D CHECK.
TWO TICKETS, FLIGHT 418 TO LOS ANGELES, ONE WAY, PLEASE.
FORGET IT, STUNTMAN.
I'M NOT GETTING ON THAT PLANE.
AT THIS POINT, YOU DON'T HAVE A CHOICE.
CAN'T YOU PU TWO AND TWO TOGETHER? THEY PROBABLY ALREADY GOT A HIT MAN ABOARD.
[ Lou .]
WE GOTTA SWITCH PLANES, YOU NINNY.
HE'S JUST A LITTLE NERVOUS.
HE'S NEVER FLOWN BEFORE.
LET ME AT LEAST BUY SOME OF THOSE PILLS.
NOPE.
I'M LOOKIN' FORWARD TO SEE YOU TURN GREEN.
I STILL THINK THIS IS A DUMB MOVE.
WHAT HAPPENS IF THE PLANE CRASHES? WHAT HAPPENS? LOOK, THERE IS NO HIT MAN, AND THE PLANE ISN'T GONNA CRASH.
THE ONLY ACCIDENT'S GONNA HAPPEN IS YOU GETTING YOUR NECK BROKE IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP.
WHAT DID I TELL YA? TAKE A LOOK OVER THERE.
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO NOW? THEY DIDN'T COME DOWN TO WISH US BON VOYAGE.
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT I'M GETTING OUTTA HERE.
THIS WAY.
OH, THIS IS FUN.
I'M BEING SAVED BY A SUICIDAL MANIAC.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING? JUST GO THROUGH.
WHAT'S STOPPING THEM FROM GETTING ON THE PLANE? WE'RE NOT GETTING ON THE PLANE.
[ Buzzes .]
OH, EXCUSE ME.
UH, DO YOU HAVE ANY METAL IN YOUR POCKET, LIKE KEYS OR A LIGHTER? UH, YES, SIR.
THIS.
WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOIN'? IT'S OKAY.
IT SHOOTS BLANKS.
I'M A STUNTMAN, YOU SEE, AND I USE IT AS A PROP.
SO DO HIJACKERS.
HEY, DAN, GIVE ME A HAND.
- [ Handcuffs Click .]
- I TOLD YOU WE COULDN' GET THAT THING THROUGH.
OH, SO YOU'RE IN ON THIS TOO, HUH? TURN AROUND! [ Woman On P.
A.
.]
GLOBE AIRWAYS FLIGHT 14 FROM ALBUQUERQUE NOW ARRIVING AT GATE 2.
MAYBE YOU'RE NOT SUCH A BANANA BRAIN AFTER ALL.
OKAY, YOU GUYS, COME ON.
LET'S GO.
OVER HERE.
I HOPE YOU'RE AS BRILLIAN GETTING US OUTTA HERE AS YOU WERE GETTING US IN.
WELL, I'D GET USED TO I IF I WERE YOU.
JUST GONNA MORE OF THE SAME WHEN WE GET BACK TO L.
A.
IF WE GET BACK TO L.
A.
ALL RIGHT, YOU TWO, ON YOUR FEET.
- HEY, WHAT'S GOIN' ON? - I SAW WHAT HAPPENED AT THE AIRPORT, COLT, AND I KINDA FIGURED YOU'D NEED A LITTLE RESCUING.
YOUR FRIEND HERE CONVINCED US THAT YOU'RE ON THE LEVEL, AND WE'RE NOT GONNA PRESS CHARGES.
YOU'RE FREE TO GO.
GOOD WORK, KID.
NEXT TIME WATCH WHERE YOU TAKE YOUR TOYS.
SOME PEOPLE DON'T KNOW WHEN YOU'RE, UH, PLAYING GAMES.
WE WEREN' PLAYING GAMES, OFFICER.
WE'RE WORKING FOR THE COURTS.
THIS MAN'S A FUGITIVE, AND WE WERE TRYING TO GET HIM BACK TO LOS ANGELES TO STAND TRIAL.
SO HOW CAN I HELP? FOR ONE THING, WE SURE COULD USE AN ESCORT BACK TO CALIFORNIA.
WELL, I CAN ASK THE CAPTAIN.
HE BELIEVED YOUR FRIEND'S STORY.
WAIT A MINUTE! YOU'RE BRINGIN' THE COPS IN THIS? DO YOU THINK THESE LUNKHEADS WILL GET US OUTTA TOWN? WHAT WAS THAT? UH, NOTHING, OFFICER.
HE'S ALWAYS JOKIN' AROUND.
OH, SURE.
COME OFF OF IT, SEAVERS.
ALEXIS HAS GO CONNECTIONS IN THIS TOWN.
THESE GUYS ARE PROBABLY ON HIS PAYROLL.
LOU.
- ALL COPS CAN BE BOUGHT.
- [ Howie .]
WILL YOU SHUT UP, LOU? - THERE'S NO WAY I'M GOIN' WITH THIS CLOWN.
- YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN.
YOU CAN PICK YOUR STUFF UP DOWN THE HALL.
YOU BETTER PUT A MUZZLE ON YOUR FRIEND HERE, BECAUSE HIS MOUTH IS GONNA GET YOU RIGHT BACK IN HERE.
YOU'RE GONNA THANK ME FOR THIS.
THESE COPS CAN'T BE TRUSTED.
[ Lou .]
NO, I'M STILL IN VEGAS.
YEAH, THERE'S BEEN A FEW FOUL-UPS.
LISTEN, BABE, I NEED YOUR HELP.
I KNOW YOU DIDN'T WANT TO GE INVOLVED, BUT THIS IS URGENT.
GET A CAR AND GET DOWN TO THE SOUTH-SIDE DIVISION HEADQUARTERS.
LOOK, COLT, I KNOW YOU TAKE A LOT OF PRIDE IN YOUR WORK, BUT IN THIS CASE, I THINK BIG JACK WOULD UNDERSTAND IF YOU JUST THREW IN THE TOWEL.
YEAH, SHE PROBABLY WOULD.
WHAT ABOUT LOU'S FRIENDS? THEY THINK WE'RE IN ON HIS BLACKMAIL SCHEME.
YEAH, IT'S HOPELESS.
THIS GUY ALEXIS IS TOO BIG.
HE'S GOT PEOPLE EVERYWHERE.
YEAH.
WELL, YOU'LL FIND OU WHEN YOU GET HERE.
OKAY, SHE'S ON HER WAY DOWN.
BUT IF ALEXIS FINDS OU THAT SHE'S INVOLVED IN THIS, THAT'S ANOTHER HEAD THAT'S GONNA ROLL.
LET'S GET OUTTA HERE.
COLT, I TAKE I YOU HAVE A PLAN.
WELL, I'M WORKIN' ON IT.
SEE YA, BOY SCOUT.
THERE THEY COME.
OKAY, GO, LOU.
ALL RIGHT, KID, YOU'RE THE DECOY.
THEY'LL BE LOOKIN' AT THE TRUCK, SO WATCH IT.
HI, DOLL.
LOU, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? SHH! I'LL TELL YOU LATER.
COLT, ISN'T THIS IDEA A LITTLE HALF-BAKED? PROBABLY LESS THAN THAT, BUT WE'LL GIVE IT A SHOT.
IF YOU DON'T MIND, I'D LIKE TO DRIVE.
LOUIS, WHO IS THIS MAN? WHERE ARE WE GOING? COLT SEAVERS, AND WE'RE ALL GOING TO DOWNTOWN SCENIC LOS ANGELES.
- NOW GET DOWN.
- [ Crystal .]
WELL, I-- - GO, KID.
- [ Tires Squealing .]
COME ON.
LET'S GO.
LOUIS, WOULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME WHAT-- CRYSTAL, GET DOWN! - LOU'S IN THE MUSTANG.
- [ Tires Squealing .]
[ Tires Squealing .]
HE'S IN A RED MUSTANG HEADING SOUTH ON LAS PALMAS.
[ On Radio .]
YOU'LL SEE HIM ANY MINUTE.
[ Tires Squealing .]
WE GOT HIM.
HE JUST MADE A RIGHT ON MAYFIELD ROAD.
- DON'T LET HIM OUT OF YOUR SIGHT.
- [ Tires Squealing .]
SO MUCH FOR THE DECOY.
WHAT, YA MEAN THEY DIDN'T TAKE THE BAIT? WELL, YOU CAN'T WIN 'EM ALL.
[ Tires Squealing .]
YOU'RE NOT DOIN' TOO GOOD A JOB OF LOSIN' 'EM, ARE YA, COWBOY? SHUT UP, LOU.
WHO DO YOU THINK I AM? MARIO ANDRETTI? OH! [ Crystal .]
OH! [ Crystal .]
OH, MY GOODNESS! OH! OH! [ Movie: Men Speaking, Indistinct .]
NEVER COULD STAND WAITIN' IN LINES.
WE CAN CATCH THE END.
[ Crystal .]
OH, LOUIS, HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? DON'T LOOK AT ME.
IT WASN' MY IDEA TO TAKE IN A MOVIE.
I'M TALKING ABOUT INVOLVING ME IN YOUR BLACKMAIL SCHEME.
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE GONNA USE THOSE THINGS I TOLD YOU ABOUT.
NOW WARREN'S GONNA BE LOOKING FOR ME.
WELL, HE DON'T KNOW YOU TOLD ME ABOU THE JOCKS HE PAID OFF.
SO THAT'S WHAT THE NOTEBOOK WAS ALL ABOUT.
YEAH.
I WAS GONNA GIVE I TO THE PRESS IF HE DIDN' COME ACROSS WITH SOME CASH.
OH, HOW DO YOU COME UP WITH THESE IDEAS? JUST WHERE IS THIS NOTEBOOK? WHERE ELSE? IN MY APARTMENT.
YOU DON'T THINK I WANT ALEXIS TO GET HIS GREASY HANDS ON IT.
OH, OF COURSE NOT.
BETTER WE SHOULD ALL GET KILLED.
THEY'RE RIGHT IN HERE.
YOU KNOW, I'M AWFUL TIRED OF SEEING YOU TWO IN HERE.
THE NEXT TIME, I'M GONNA SEE TO I THAT YOU STAY A LOT LONGER.
IT'S A GOOD THING THEY ONLY CHARGED YOU GUYS WITH DESTRUCTION OF PRIVATE PROPERTY, OR YOU WOULD HAVE.
YEAH, WELL-- JODY WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? WELL, WHEN YOU DIDN' SHOW UP AT THE AIRPORT, I FIGURED YOU WERE IN TROUBLE.
THAT'S A GOOD GUESS.
-ANYWAY, YOU'RE ALL OUT ON BAIL.
-WHAT DID YOU DO? WIRE BIG JACK FOR THE MONEY? NO, I MADE A QUICK STOP AT THE CASINO.
IT'S A GOOD THING THIS JAIL TAKES CHIPS.
WELL, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO NOW? [ Lou .]
YEAH, SEAVERS, YOU'RE THE GENIUS.
MAYBE THIS TIME YOU'LL COME UP WITH AN IDEA THAT WORKS.
[ Sighs .]
WELL, I'M STARTING TO FEEL LIKE WE'RE NOT JUS GONNA DRIVE OUTTA TOWN.
- BRILLIANT DEDUCTION.
- MMM.
- THEN WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO? - WELL, I'M GONNA LOOK FOR A CERTAIN NOTEBOOK.
YOU AND JODY ARE GONNA TAKE LOU TO THE GOLDEN HORSESHOE.
[ Howie .]
WHAT? HALF THE TOWN'S LOOKIN' FOR THIS GUY.
[ Colt .]
THE BEST PLACE TO HIDE IS IN A CROWD.
BESIDES, THERE'S AN UNWRITTEN LAW IN THIS TOWN.
NO ONE SETTLES A SCORE IN A CASINO.
[ Colt .]
BULLETS DISTRACT THE GAMBLERS.
BULLETS? OH, DON'T WORRY.
YOU'LL BE SAFE THERE.
- JUST GET A TABLE IN THE LOUNGE AND STAY PUT TILL WE GET BACK.
- WE? YEAH.
YOU'RE GONNA TAKE ME TO HIS APARTMENT.
COME ON.
CAN WE DRIVE SLOW THIS TIME? I PROMISE.
COME ON, LOU.
[ Country Instrumental .]
[ Continues .]
I'VE HAD POISON THAT TASTES BETTER THAN THIS STUFF.
WHY DON'T YOU ORDER ANOTHER BOTTLE? DON'T YOU EVER HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY ABOUT ANYTHING? - WHY SHOULD I? - THAT'S A GREAT ATTITUDE.
HOW CAN YOU GO THROUGH LIFE WITH AN OUTLOOK LIKE THAT? HEY, SPARE ME THE LECTURE, WILL YA, BLONDIE? I DON'T HAVE TO APOLOGIZE TO ANYBODY FOR WHO I AM.
I HAD TO FIGHT AND SCRATCH FOR EVERYTHING I GOT! I WASN'T BORN WITH A SILVER SPOON IN MY MOUTH! IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP, YOU'RE GONNA GET ONE SHOVED DOWN YOUR THROAT.
[ Continues .]
I DON'T CARE WHA THOSE SLOBS THINK.
SAY, BUDDY, WE'RE TRYIN' TO LISTEN TO THE SHOW, HUH? - SO WHAT'S STOPPING YOU? - YOUR MOUTH.
IT DOESN'T SEEM TO WANNA STAY SHUT.
HEY, BEER BELLY, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT? COOL IT, LOU.
- I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE THAT FLAK FROM THAT GORILLA.
- [ Jody .]
LOU! WOULD YOU LIKE TO STEP OUTSIDE? I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO WATCH THE SHOW.
WHAT'S THE MATTER? CAN'T YOU MAKE UP YOUR MIND? OH, THAT DID IT.
HEY, NOW WAIT A MINUTE, GUYS.
LET'S JUST TALK ABOUT THIS.
GET OUT OF MY WAY! GET HIM! [ Lou .]
I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO WATCH THE SHOW! YOU GOT A LOT OF NERVE, YOU BUM! YEAH, YOU SHOULD TALK.
EVERY TIME YOU WALK INTO A ROOM, A FIGHT STARTS.
ARE YOU BLAMING ME FOR THAT? OH, NO, NO.
THAT WAS MY FAULT.
WELL, HOW DID I KNOW THE GUY WAS SENSITIVE ABOUT HIS WEIGHT? THIS IS GREAT.
WE CAN'T GE BACK INTO THE CASINO NOW, AND GOD KNOWS WHERE COLT IS.
AND SOMEWHERE THERE'S A GANG OF HOODS OUT HERE WHO WANNA KILL YOU.
I'M BEGINNING TO THINK THEY'VE GOT THE RIGHT IDEA.
LOOK OUT! GIVE YOU A LIFT? THAT'S OKAY.
WE'LL WALK.
I THINK YOU'LL BE MUCH SAFER INSIDE THE CAR.
MOVE.
SOMEONE REAL IMPORTAN WANTS TO SEE YOU.
AFTER YOU, GORGEOUS.
I SUPPOSE YOU BLAME ME FOR THIS TOO.
[ Tires Squealing .]
OH, MY GOODNESS.
I'LL SAY ONE THING FOR MR.
ALEXIS.
HIS MEN ARE THOROUGH.
IF THAT BOOK WAS HERE, I'M SURE THEY FOUND IT.
ON THE OTHER HAND, I GOT NO REASON TO BELIEVE IT WAS EVER ACTUALLY HERE TO BEGIN WITH.
YOU THINK LOUIS LIED TO YOU? YEAH, I WOULDN' PUT IT PAST HIM.
OH, COLT, I'M SORRY YOU HAD TO GE MIXED UP IN LOUIS'S PROBLEMS.
YOU DON'T DESERVE THIS.
YEAH, WELL, YOU DON'T EITHER.
HOW IN THE WORLD DID YOU GET INVOLVED WITH HIM TO BEGIN WITH? I DON'T KNOW.
MOTHER USED TO SAY I HAD THE GIFT OF AFFECTION, THAT I NEVER ME A MAN I DIDN'T LIKE.
EVEN LOUIS.
OH, I KNOW HE'S RUDE AND INSULTS EVERYBODY, BUT UNDERNEATH THAT AWFUL EXTERIOR, I'M SURE THERE'S SOME GOOD.
AT LEAST I THINK THERE IS.
YEAH, WELL, I THINK HE AND I HAD BETTER HAVE ANOTHER TALK.
[ Telephone Dialing .]
UH, THE NUMBER OF THE GOLDEN HORSESHOE, PLEASE.
[ Man .]
YES, I'M WELL AWARE OF WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE, AND IF THEY EVER TRY TO SET FOOT IN THIS CASINO, THEY'LL BE MAKING A SERIOUS MISTAKE.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHERE I CAN FIND THEM? AFTER THEY STARTED THE BRAWL, THERE WAS PANDEMONIUM.
THEY COULD BE ANYWHERE, BUT IT'S MY FONDEST HOPE THAT YOU FIND THEM IN JAIL.
WHAT'D HE SAY? UH, LOU STARTED A FIGHT.
THEY GOT THROWN OU OF THE CASINO.
WHICH MEANS THEY LOST WHATEVER PROTECTION THEY HAD.
IT ALSO MEANS THEY'RE IN BIG TROUBLE.
WARREN ALEXIS IS NOT A MAN WHO ACCEPTS FAILURE.
THAT'S WHY YOU GOTTA HELP ME GET TO HIM.
COLT, I'M SUPPOSED TO BE HIS PERSONAL SECRETARY.
IF HE FINDS OU I'M HOOKED UP WITH LOUIS, IT'S GOOD NIGHT, CRYSTAL.
BUT IF YOU DON'T, IT'S GOOD NIGH FOR EVERYBODY ELSE.
HI, SCOTTY.
HELLO, MR.
CONNOR.
GO RIGHT ON IN.
[ Mellow Jazz On Radio .]
[ Woman Laughing .]
I'M ONLY GOING TO ASK YOU ONE MORE TIME.
WHERE'S THAT NOTEBOOK? WHAT DO YOU CARE? IT WON'T DO YOU ANY GOOD WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO READ.
[ Grunts .]
HEY! CAN'T YOU TAKE A JOKE? THE TIME FOR HUMOR IS LONG GONE, CARNESCO.
PERHAPS YOUR FRIEND MR.
SEAVERS CAN GIVE ME AN ANSWER.
COLT DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING.
MAYBE NOT.
OR HE NEVER COULD HAVE GOTTEN INVOLVED WITH SUCH A LOW FORM OF HUMAN LIFE.
WE'LL CONTINUE THIS AFTER MY GUESTS ARE GONE.
- I DON'T WAN TO MISS THE PARTY.
- YES, SIR.
- LOU-- - HEY.
IT'S NO PROBLEM.
JUST IN CASE I DON'T GE A CHANCE TO TELL YOU LATER, I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU'RE THE BIGGEST JERK I'VE EVER MET.
COME ON, HOWIE.
NOW DON'T TRY AND DEFEND HIM! YOU DON'T KNOW HALF OF WHA THIS IDIOT'S PUT US THROUGH.
COLT'S OUT THERE SOMEWHERE, AND HE'S NOT GONNA LE ANYTHING HAPPEN TO US.
- 2-TO-1 YOU'RE WRONG.
- YOU GOT A BET.
I'LL TAKE A PIECE OF THAT ACTION.
MISS CRYSTAL.
I MUST SAY, YOU CERTAINLY PULLED ONE OUT OF THE FIRE LAST WEEK.
THANKS, MR.
ALEXIS.
[ Chuckles .]
ONLY NEXT TIME TRY TO GIVE US A LITTLE BREATHING ROOM.
I DON'T THINK I CAN HANDLE ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE, UH, CARDIAC FINISHES.
[ Chuckles .]
I'M GETTING TOO OLD FOR THAT KIND OF SUSPENSE.
SO ENJOY YOURSELF, FELLAS.
THERE'S PLENTY OF FOOD AND OTHER GOODIES.
SO DON'T BE SHY, EH? HI, LADIES.
HELLO.
HI, GUYS.
CRYSTAL, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL DAY? I'VE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU.
OH, WARREN.
MR.
ALEXIS, MAY I TALK TO YOU? PRIVATELY? EXCUSE ME.
COME.
WHAT IS IT? YOU KNOW THAT CAR WE WERE CHASING LAST NIGHT? I CHECKED OUT THE TAGS.
SO? IT'S OWNER IS A SHOWGIRL NAMED BRANDY HOLMES.
SHE WAS VERY UPSE ABOUT IT BEING SMASHED, BUT SHE SAID ALL SHE HAD DONE WAS LOAN IT TO A FRIEND.
WHAT FRIEND? CRYSTAL.
I'M SORRY, MR.
ALEXIS.
COME.
WARREN, YOU'RE HURTING ME! I INTENDED TO.
COME WITH ME.
COME ON.
WAIT A MINUTE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? CRYSTAL, WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? LOU, PLEASE SHUT UP! WHAT DO YOU MEAN, SHUT UP? IF YOU HURT HER-- NOT YET, CARNESCO.
BUT I WILL IF YOU DON' GET THAT BOOK.
IT WOULD BE A SHAME TO DAMAGE SUCH GOODS.
BUT THEN, THEY'RE EASY TO REPLACE.
IN SPITE OF HER EXPENSIVE TRAPPINGS, CRYSTAL IS REALLY VERY CHEAP.
[ Gasps .]
FOR GOD SAKES, LOU, WILL YOU TELL HIM WHA HE WANTS TO KNOW? ALEXIS, YOU DINGBAT, LISTEN TO ME.
THERE'S NO BOOK.
NEVER WAS.
I WAS JUST KIDDING AROUND.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? IT WAS ALL A CON, A HUSTLE, I SWEAR.
I COULDN'T PIN ANYTHING LIKE THAT ON A GUY LIKE YOU.
I WAS DESPERATE.
LOOK, YOU WANNA BREAK BOTH MY LEGS? HERE THEY ARE.
YOU WANNA KILL ME, FINE.
BUT CRYSTAL JUST WASN' IN THIS THING.
PLEASE LET HER GO.
I'M SORRY, LOU.
THIS TIME YOUR MOUTH WENT A LITTLE TOO FAR.
- [ Howie .]
WELL, WHAT ABOUT US? - YEAH.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT'S GOIN' ON.
WELL, MY DEAR, THIS JUST ISN' YOUR LUCKY DAY.
YOU SEE, I MUST TAKE PRECAUTIONS.
TAKE 'EM OUT THE BACK WAY INTO THE DESERT AND MAKE SURE THEY NEVER COME BACK.
[ Tires Squealing .]
WHAT'S THAT? YOU OWE ME THAT BET, BLONDIE.
- GET IN! - [ Grunts .]
DON'T LET THEM GET AWAY! MOVE! GET GOING! [ All Clamoring .]
COME ON! GET GOING! GO! NOTHING SERIOUS.
JUST A LITTLE PRANK.
GO BACK AND ENJOY YOURSELF.
COLT, YOU DID IT! YOU SPRUNG US! WE'RE NOT SPRUNG YET.
TAKE A RIGHT AT THIS STREET.
IT'LL LEAD YOU RIGH TO THE HIGHWAY.
[ Tires Squealing .]
[ Tires Squealing .]
[ Whistle Blowing .]
[ Tires Squealing .]
[ Tires Squealing .]
[ Lou .]
WHAT'S THE MATTER, FALL GUY? DON'T YOU LIKE REGULAR ROADS? [ Bells Ringing .]
OH.
I HOPE YOU'RE NO AS CRAZY AS I THINK YOU ARE.
FASTEN YOUR SEAT BELTS.
FALL GUY FLYIN' CIRCUS IS ABOUT TO TAKE TO THE AIR.
OH, MY GOD.
PRETTY SLICK DRIVIN', COLT.
THAT'S THE GREATEST JUMP I'VE EVER SEEN! I ALWAYS LIKED TRAINS.
THEY SAY IT'S THE SAFEST WAY TO TRAVEL.
[ All Laughing .]
WE HEAD OUT FOR THE WIDE OPEN SPACES [ Laughter Continues .]
UNSPOILED BY THE PASSAGE OF TIME SO LET'S HEAD FOR THE WIDE OPEN SPACES BYE, COLT.
GOOD-BYE, CRYSTAL.
[ Lou .]
WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN', PLEA BARGAIN? I WANT A HANGING JUDGE.
CAN'T I GET A LITTLE JUSTICE HERE? COLT, WILL YOU TALK TO HIM? I'M TRYING TO GET HIM A DEFENDER.
THERE IS NO REASON HE SHOULD SPEND THE RES OF HIS LIFE IN JAIL.
I CAN THINK OF ONE OR TWO.
YEAH, SO CAN I.
LIKE A CERTAIN MOBSTER WITH A MEMORY THAT WON'T QUIT.
CAN'T YOU FIX I SO THEY THROW THE BOOK AT ME? THAT'S NOT THE WAY THE JUSTICE SYSTEM WORKS.
LOOK, ALL I WANNA DO IS PAY MY DEBT TO SOCIETY.
- CAN'T A GUY DO THAT ANYMORE? - YES, BUT IT'S NOT THAT EASY.
LOU, IF IT MEANS THAT MUCH TO YOU, I'LL TALK TO THE JUDGE MYSELF.
YOU KNOW, SEAVERS, YOU'RE NOT SUCH A BAD GUY.
WELL, LET'S GRAB A BEER, AND YOU CAN JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT.
YOU KNOW, UH, FEDERAL PEN, MAXIMUM SECURITY, OR HOW ABOUT A NICE CHAIN GANG? THAT'S ALWAYS FUN.
OH, YOU'RE A LOT OF LAUGHS, SEAVERS.
THAT'S WHAT THEY TELL ME, LOU.
THAT'S WHAT THEY TELL ME.
BUT THE HARDEST THING I EVER DO IS WATCH MY LEADING LADIES KISS SOME OTHER GUY WHILE I'M BANDAGIN' MY KNEE I MIGHT FALL FROM A TALL BUILDIN' I MIGHT ROLL A BRAND-NEW CAR 'CAUSE I'M THE UNKNOWN STUNTMAN THAT MADE REDFORD SUCH A STAR [ Women Vocalizing .]
I'VE NEVER SPEN MUCH TIME IN SCHOOL BUT I'VE TAUGH LADIES PLENTY IT'S TRUE I HIRE MY BODY OUT FOR PAY HEY, HEY I'VE GOTTEN BURNED OVER CHERYL TIEGS BLOWN UP FOR RAQUEL WELCH BUT WHEN I WIND UP IN THE HAY, IT'S ONLY HAY HEY, HEY I MIGHT JUMP AN OPEN DRAWBRIDGE OR TARZAN FROM A VINE 'CAUSE I'M THE UNKNOWN STUNTMAN THAT MAKES EASTWOOD LOOK SO FINE [ Colt Narrating .]
THIS IS THE STORY OF ONE OF AMERICA'S GREAT UNSUNG HEROES.
I MEAN, YOU'VE SEEN HIM, BUT YOU NEVER KNEW WHO HE WAS.
YOU'VE CHEERED FOR HIM AND CRIED FOR HIM, WOMEN HAVE WANTED TO DIE FOR HIM.
BUT DID HE EVER GET ANY CREDIT? OR THE GIRL? NO.
HE WAS WHAT WE CALL A STUNTMAN.
AND THE REASON I'M TALKIN' SO FONDLY ABOUT HIM IS-- WELL, BECAUSE IT'S ME, COLT SEAVERS.
ANYWAY, PICTURE WORK ISN'T WALL-TO-WALL EMPLOYMENT.
SO MAYBE YOU WONDER HOW A GUY KEEPS HIS HEAD TOGETHER.
WELL, ONE WAY IS TO WAIT BY THE PHONE AND WAIT AND WAIT.
THE OTHER IS TO TAKE AN OCCASIONAL JOB FOR THE COURT SYSTEM OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, WHERE A MAN IS CONSIDERED INNOCEN UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY.
UNFORTUNATELY, SOMETIMES A LO OF THESE PEOPLE GET OUT OF JAIL ON WHAT WE CALL BAIL.
AND THEY RUN LIKE HELL.
THAT'S WHERE I COME IN.
I SOMETIMES PICK UP RENT MONEY TRYIN' TO FIND THEM AND BRING THEM BACK TO JUSTICE.
RIGHT NOW I'M WORKIN' ON ONE OF THOSE FAMOUS TV SHOWS THAT FEATURE STUNTMEN.
YOU'VE PROBABLY SEEN IT.
[ Engine Revving .]
[ Engine Stops .]
WE'RE HERE TODAY ON THE OUTSKIRTS OF LAS VEGAS, NEVADA, WHERE ONE OF HOLLYWOOD'S MOS DARING STUNTMEN, COLT SEAVERS, IS ABOUT TO ATTEMPT ONE OF THE MOST DEATH-DEFYING STUNTS EVER SEEN ON THIS SHOW.
THEY'RE MOVING THE RAMP IN PLACE AND RAISING I TO ITS PROPER HEIGHT, WHILE COLT IS MAKING A FINAL CHECK ON HIS EQUIPMENT.
THE FILM CREWS ARE MAKING SURE THEY'LL BE READY FOR THE JUMP AS WELL.
I'M SURE COLT WON'T WANT TO DO THIS JUMP AGAIN IF THEY MISS IT.
THE BUSES ARE NOW MOVING INTO PLACE.
EACH BUS IS OVER 40 FEE IN LENGTH, SO COLT'S JUMP WILL COVER A DISTANCE CLOSE TO 160 FEET.
WHEN COLT RELEASES HIS CLUTCH AT THE CRUCIAL MOMENT, HE'LL HAVE TO HIT THE TAKEOFF RAMP AT OVER 60 MILES PER HOUR.
HE'S GOING TO ATTEMP TO JUMP HIS MOTORCYCLE OVER THESE FOUR YELLOW BUSES PARKED END TO END-- A SIGHT I KNOW YOU WON' WANT TO MISS.
SO STAY TUNED.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A STUNT THAT'S GONNA MAKE YOU TURN TO THE PERSON NEXT TO YOU AND SAY, "NOW, THAT'S INCREDIBLE.
" AND CUT.
BEAUTIFUL, CATHY LEE.
GOOD.
FINALLY, COLT.
FINALLY, YOU'RE GETTING THE RECOGNITION YOU DESERVE.
YEAH, WELL, I'LL BE GETTING THE INJURIES I DESERVE IF I DON'T MAKE SURE EVERYTHING GOES PERFECT.
HEY, YOU REMEMBER WHEN CATHY LEE SAID THAT YOU WERE THE MOS DARING STUNTMAN IN HOLLYWOOD? YEAH.
I REALLY FELT PROUD.
THAT'S REAL NICE, KID.
I APPRECIATE THAT.
SOMEDAY THEY'LL SAY THA ABOUT ME.
YEAH, WELL, HOW ABOUT TODAY? TODAY? WELL, UH-- WELL, I'D LOVE TO, COLT, BUT, UH-- BUT-- BUT THINK ABOUT ALL THOSE PEOPLE OUT THERE IN TV LAND.
THEY'RE EXPECTING TO SEE YOU, NOT ME.
WELL, I'M NOT SAYING I COULDN'T DO IT.
WELL, YOU GOTTA START SOMETIME.
I MEAN, I COULD EXPLAIN TO THE AUDIENCE.
THAT'S WHAT I LOVE ABOUT YOU, COLT-- YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR IN TIMES OF REAL DANGER.
WELL, I'LL TRY AND LEAVE 'EM LAUGHIN'.
THE MOMENT HAS NOW ARRIVED.
COLT SEAVERS IS GOING BACK TO HIS STARTING POSITION, SO LET'S HOLD OUR BREATH.
OKAY, GET THE CHOPPER IN POSITION! [ Director .]
ALL RIGHT NOW, GUYS, THIS IS IT.
GET READY.
"A" CAMERA, GET READY.
OBVIOUSLY, THE WIND IS GOING TO BE A TREMENDOUS FACTOR TODAY BECAUSE PINPOINT ACCURACY IS A MUST.
ONE MISCALCULATION COULD MEAN A MAN'S LIFE.
- PIECE OF CAKE, COLT.
- YEAH, I'D LIKE TO THINK SO.
ALL RIGHT.
LOOKS LIKE HE'S READY TO BEGIN.
READY? GO GET 'EM! MAKING HIS APPROACH.
HE'S AT THE RAMP.
AND HE'S OFF! HE DID IT! PERFECT LANDING.
COLT SEAVERS HAS DONE IT AGAIN.
WELL, THERE YOU HAVE IT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, AND IT WAS INCREDIBLE.
VERY GOOD, CATHY LEE.
VERY GOOD.
WELL, COLT, YOU DID IT AGAIN.
WELL, ALL IN A DAY'S WORK.
YOU SAY THAT SO CALMLY.
[ Chuckles .]
LISTEN, TELL ME SOMETHING.
WHEN YOU WERE FLYING OVER THOSE BUSES, DID THE POSSIBILITY OF FAILURE EVER ENTER YOUR MIND? ARE YOU KIDDING? I WAS TOO BUSY PRAYIN'.
[ Chuckles .]
DID YOU HEAR CATHY LEE? "INCREDIBLE.
" YEAH.
WHAT IT WAS WAS INCREDIBLY PAINFUL.
YEAH.
WELL, COME ON.
LET'S HIT THE STRIP AND CELEBRATE.
YOU DESERVE IT, AND I'M GONNA PAY FOR THE WHOLE NIGHT.
UH, YEAH? HOW? THE HOWARD MUNSON SECRE PRINCETON COMPUTER COURSE IN CARD COUNTING.
[ Crowd Chattering .]
[ Man .]
COMING OUT AGAIN.
PLACE YOUR BETS, PLEASE.
[ Man .]
ELEVEN! WINNER, WINNER, WINNER.
PAY THE LINE.
[ Crowd Cheers .]
BLACKJACK! THIS OLD BROAD GETS BLACKJACK, AND I'M SITTING HERE WITH ZILCH.
AH, THAT'S THE STORY OF MY LIFE.
WHAT DO YOU NEED? A CALCULATOR? I DON'T BELIEVE WHAT I JUST SAW.
YOU HIT A 17? ARE YOU SOME KIND OF A MORON? WHY DON'T YOU CATCH THE NEXT BUS TO OMAHA BEFORE YOU HAVE TO HOCK AWAY YOUR KIDS.
YOU BE GOOD TO ME, AND I'M GONNA TAKE CARE OF YA.
YOU CALL THAT BEIN' GOOD, YOU BUM? GET THE PIT BOSS.
I WANT $2,500 MORE.
- YOU IN TOWN FOR A LITTLE ACTION? - HMM? - COME ON.
I RECOGNIZE A PRO.
- WELL, I NEVER! LAST TIME I SAW A MOUTH LIKE HERS, IT HAD A HOOK IN IT.
[ Chuckles .]
I'M AFRAID, MR.
CARNESCO, YOU'RE OVER YOUR CREDIT LIMIT.
LIMIT? DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I'M LOU CARNESCO.
I CARRY A LOT OF WEIGH IN THIS TOWN.
NO.
EVERY CASINO IN THIS TOWN'S CARRYING YOUR WEIGHT.
YOU'RE TAPPED OUT, LOU.
YOU OWE EVERYBODY.
WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT! DON'T WORRY, HONEY.
THE FLEET IS DUE IN AT THE END OF THE MONTH.
HI, LOU.
HEAR YOU BEEN LOSIN'.
WHAT'S IT TO YOU? IRV, THAT'S A NICE TIE.
MARINARA SAUCE GOES GOOD WITH THE MEATBALL HERE.
IT'S NOT NICE TO GAMBLE AWAY THE MONEY YOU OWE OTHER PEOPLE.
MR.
ALEXIS IS TIRED OF WAITING.
HE ASKED US TO BRING YOU TO HIM.
OH, YEAH? WELL, YOU CAN TAKE A MESSAGE BACK TO YOUR BOSS-- LOU, COME ACROSS.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO PAY UP.
WHAT'D YOU THINK YOU WERE GONNA DO? WIN THE MONEY? [ Irv .]
WE HEAR YOU EVEN GOT BUSTED IN A CRAP GAME DOWN IN L.
A.
THAT DOESN'T MAKE MR.
ALEXIS TOO HAPPY EITHER.
WHAT I DO IN L.
A.
IS MY BUSINESS.
NOT WHEN YOU DO IT ON MONEY YOU OWE A REAL PATIENT MAN.
I'M SORRY, LOU.
HE WANTS TO SEE YOU.
NOW.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? MUSCLE ME RIGHT HERE IN THE CASINO? THE CONGLOMERATES THAT OWN THESE JOINTS WOULD LOVE THAT.
EVEN YOUR BIG-SHOT BOSS COULDN' HANDLE THAT KIND OF HEAT! [ Irv .]
OKAY, LOU, YOU BE CUTE.
BUT YOU GOTTA LEAVE THIS HOTEL EVENTUALLY.
WE'RE GONNA BE WAITING FOR YOU.
[ Beeping .]
- HELLO? - DID YOU BREAK ANY LEGS TODAY? - WHO IS THIS? - LOU CARNESCO.
- I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.
WHAT DO YOU WANT? - PUT THE IMMIGRANT ON.
- WHO? - YOUR BOAT-BACK BOSS.
IT'S LOU CARNESCO, BOSS.
ARE YOU DRUNK, CARNESCO, CALLING HERE AT THIS HOUR? - I'M SOBER, I'M BROKE, AND I WANT CASH.
- YOU'RE CALLING ME FOR CASH? NO, I'M ORDERING A PIZZA TO GO, YOU SLEAZEBAG.
- I WANT 50 GRAND TONIGHT.
- I THINK YOU'RE CRAZY.
CRAZY? IF YOU DON'T PLAY BALL WITH ME, YOU'D BETTER BE ON THE NEX GREYHOUND OUTTA HERE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT I'M HEARING.
I'M ONTO YOUR SCAM, ALEXIS.
I'VE WRITTEN A LITTLE BOOK I THINK YOU'D BE INTERESTED IN.
IT LISTS EVERY FANCY DINNER YOU'VE EVER HAD WITH EVERY BIG-SHOT ATHLETE BEFORE EVERY BIG GAME THAT YOU JUST HAPPENED TO HAVE BET A LOT OF MONEY ON.
AM I GETTING THROUGH THAT SUNBAKED NEAPOLITAN SKULL OF YOURS? UP UNTIL NOW, I THOUGHT YOU WERE ONLY BORDERLINE LUNATIC.
[ Exhales .]
ARE YOU HONESTLY THINKING OF SHAKING ME DOWN? - I'M NOT THINKING ABOUT IT.
- YOU MAKE ME VERY SAD, LOU.
I'M TELLING YOU, IF I DON' HAVE 50 GRAND IN TWO HOURS, THIS LITTLE JOURNAL GOES INTO THE NEWSPAPERS, AND YOU GO INTO THE SLAMMER ALONG WITH YOUR FANCY JOCK FRIENDS, YOU MOOCHER.
GOOD-BYE, LOU.
WAIT A MINUTE.
- DON'T YOU WANNA KNOW WHERE TO BRING THE MONEY? - WHAT FOR? YOU'RE A DEAD MAN.
[ Line Clicks .]
I DON'T THINK THAT WORKED.
HIT ME.
WELL, KID, HOW WE DOIN'? NOT NOW, COLT.
I HAVE TO CONCENTRATE.
AGAIN.
YEAH, WELL, WE CERTAINLY DON'T WANNA MESS UP YOUR SYSTEM.
UH, I THINK I'LL TAKE THE GIRLS OVER TO THE CIRCUS CIRCUS.
THEY, UH, WANNA PLAY SOME GAMES.
I'M SORRY, COLT.
I WAS RIGHT IN THE MI-- - MY GOD.
- OH, UH, KID, THIS IS CANDY AND SUGAR.
HI.
HI.
OR CANDY AND SUGAR.
UH, THEY'RE BOTH SWEET.
[ "Wedding March" Playing .]
[ Ends .]
OKAY, YOU LOVEBIRDS, THE BIG MOMENT IS HERE.
CRYSTAL, BABY, I GOTTA TALK TO YOU.
LOUIS, THE CEREMONY'S ABOUT TO START.
NOW JUST WAIT.
BIG DEAL.
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? GET SENTIMENTAL? I CAN'T TALK TO YOU RIGHT NOW.
I'M EVELYN'S WITNESS.
CRYSTAL, LOVE IS WAITING.
[ Chuckles .]
SEE WHAT I MEAN? I'LL GET RID OF THOSE TWO.
CONGRATULATIONS, MISTER.
LONGFELLOW, MANNY LONGFELLOW.
THAT'S WONDERFUL.
MANNY, IS THAT A DO-IT-YOURSELF HAIR TRANSPLANT? - HUH? - OH, LOUIS, THESE ARE MY FRIENDS.
WELL, EVELYN, YOU FINALLY SNAGGED ONE.
DO YOU TWO KNOW EACH OTHER? KNOW EACH OTHER? WHY, WE LIVED WITH EACH OTHER SIX WEEKS.
-OF COURSE, SHE WAS GOIN' WITH A COUPLE OTHER GUYS AT THE TIME.
-LOUIS! I NEVER SAW THIS MAN IN MY LIFE! OH, EVELYN, YOU'RE A GOOD SPORT.
- OF COURSE, IN YOUR PROFESSION YOU GOTTA BE A GOOD SPORT.
- PROFESSION? - LOUIS, PLEASE.
- MY GOD, DIDN'T YOU TELL THIS GUY ANYTHING? TELL ME WHAT? NOTHING, MANNY.
HE MUST BE CRAZY.
OH, I GET IT.
CRAZY.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
CRAZY.
UH-HUH.
I-- I NEVER SAW THIS WOMAN BEFORE.
EVELYN, SAY HELLO TO THE NATIONAL GUARD, WILL YA? CRYSTAL, I GOTTA TALK TO YOU, BABY.
THAT WAS MEAN.
WELL, YOU'LL STRAIGHTEN IT OU AFTER I LEAVE.
WHAT I GOT TO TALK TO YOU ABOU IS A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH.
LIFE AND DEATH.
WHOSE? MINE.
I TOOK A CHANCE ON A SMALL LONG SHOT, AND I LOST.
HOW SMALL OF A LONG SHOT? WELL, I TRIED TO GE A NEW STAKE BY SHAKING DOWN YOUR BOSS, WARREN ALEXIS.
OH, NO, LOUIS, YOU DIDN'T.
NOW THAT'S THE DUMBEST THING YOU'VE EVER DONE.
I KNOW.
COULD YOU FRONT ME SOME MONEY SO I CAN GET OUT OF TOWN? I'M BROKE, AND BESIDES, WARREN ISN'T GONNA LET YOU LEAVE TOWN.
HE'LL HAVE ALL THE EXITS STAKED OUT.
WELL, THEN LOAN ME YOUR CAR.
THEY WON'T BE LOOKING FOR IT.
I CAN'T.
MY CAR'S IN THE SHOP.
GREAT.
[ Sobbing .]
NOW, DEAR, DON'T CRY.
[ Phone Ringing .]
- SAMANTHA JACK SPEAKING.
- LOU CARNESCO.
- WHERE ARE YOU? - LAS VEGAS.
- YOU MISSED YOUR COURT DATE.
- IT SLIPPED MY MIND, BUT I'M SORRY.
LISTEN, I WANNA TURN MYSELF IN.
[ Arguing .]
YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO LEAVE THE STATE.
LOOK, DO YOU WANT ME BACK, OR DO YOU WANNA EAT MY BOND? - WHEN WILL YOU BE HERE? - AS SOON AS YOU GET SOMEONE TO COME PICK ME UP.
- I'M BROKE.
- I'LL WIRE YOU A BUS TICKET.
NO, NO.
THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
LET ME LEVEL WITH YA.
I DOUBLE-CROSSED A VERY IMPORTANT MAN, AND HE WANTS TO LEAVE ME BURIED IN THE DESERT.
WHAT I NEED FROM YOU NOW IS TO GET ME IN A NICE, SAFE CALIFORNIA JAIL.
YOU'RE IN LUCK.
THE ONLY MAN THAT COULD POSSIBLY SAVE YOU IS ALREADY IN LAS VEGAS.
I'LL HAVE HIM BRING YOU BACK.
HAVE HIM MEET ME AT THE BELLS ARE RINGING CHAPEL IN TWO HOURS.
FINE.
[ Together .]
WELL, THANKS A LOT, GUYS.
YOU SURE KNOW HOW TO PICK 'EM, COLT.
OH, COME ON, KID.
HOW DID I KNOW THOSE SWEET GIRLS WERE ENGAGED TO A COUPLE OF LINEBACKERS FOR THE ATLANTA FALCONS? YEAH, WELL, SOMEHOW THIS ISN'T THE WILD TIME IN VEGAS I'D ENVISIONED.
MR.
COLT SEAVERS? WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR MOMENTUM? IT'S EARLY, KID.
JUST GIVE 'EM TIME.
THEY DON'T KNOW WE'RE HERE YET.
MR.
SEAVERS? MR.
COLT SEAVERS? THAT'S ME.
THAT'S ME.
UH, THAT'S ME! WORD'S GETTIN' AROUND.
UH-HUH.
THANK YOU, DARLING.
UH, KID, GIVE HER A DOLLAR.
HELLO, COLT SEAVERS HERE.
HI, COLT.
IT'S ME, JACK.
THANK YOU.
BIG JACK? IT'S BIG JACK.
UH, BIG JACK, HOW DID YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND US? I'VE HAD YOU PAGED IN EVERY CASINO ON THE STRIP.
I'VE GOT A JOB FOR YOU.
A JOB? WELL, I DON'T KNOW, UH, JACK.
WE GOT IT PRETTY GOOD HERE.
OH, YEAH, WE'RE SITTIN' HERE WITH A COUPLE OF PRETTY BLONDES AND GOT OUR POCKETS FULL OF WINNINGS WITH HOWIE'S NEW SYSTEM.
SHOOT.
AFTER TODAY'S STUN THEY'RE BEGINNING TO TREAT US LIKE CELEBRITIES.
- I DON'T THINK YOU COULD PAY ENOUGH TO GET US OUT OF HERE.
- WHAT DO YOU SAY TO $2,000? AND THE MAN IS RIGHT THERE IN LAS VEGAS.
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS BRING HIM BACK TO L.
A.
INSTEAD OF DEADHEADING IN YOUR EMPTY TRUCK.
$2,000? AND HE'S RIGHT HERE IN VEGAS? HIS NAME IS LOU CARNESCO, AND HE'S WILLING TO MEET YOU AT THE BELLS ARE RINGING CHAPEL ON PARADISE ROAD.
MEET ME? IF HE'S WILLING TO MEET ME, WHY DON'T YOU JUST HAVE HIM GET ON A PLANE AND FLY BACK AND SAVE YOURSELF TWO GRAND? COLT.
I SAID WILLING, NOT ANXIOUS.
I THREATENED HIM WITH YOUR NOTORIETY, AND HE FOLDED HIS TENT.
[ Sighs .]
WELL, I DON'T SEE HOW I CAN PASS UP SUCH EASY MONEY.
SINCE WE'RE COMIN' HOME ANYWAY, WE'LL PICK HIM UP.
THANKS, COLT.
YOU'RE TERRIFIC.
HEADIN' HOME? COLT, I HAVEN'T HAD A CHANCE TO PROVE MY SYSTEM YET.
AH, KID, IT'S TIME TO TRY A SYSTEM THAT ALWAYS PAYS OFF.
IT'S CALLED WORK.
LET'S GO.
[ Coins Clattering .]
LOU! LOU CARNESCO? [ Lou .]
WHO IS IT? BIG JACK SENT US.
- THERE SOMETHIN' WRONG? - I'M JUST LOOKIN' FOR CHANGE.
HEY, WHO'D SHE SEND ME? THE KID AND THE COWBOY? VERY FUNNY.
LET'S GO.
HOW ARE WE GETTIN' BACK TO L.
A.
? ON HORSEBACK? WHY DO I HAVE THE FEELING THIS IS NOT GONNA BE A FUN TRIP? [ Howie .]
IF YOU WANNA GET SOME SLEEP, COLT, I CAN, UH, GO THE DISTANCE.
OH, NO, JUST GET US TO BARSTOW.
I'LL TAKE OVER FROM THERE.
WHAT'S ALL THIS "FALL GUY" JUNK? WE'RE STUNTMEN.
YOU MEAN I'M RIDING WITH TWO STUNTMEN? THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU GUYS ARE ALL LUNATICS! CARD-CARRYING KAMIKAZES.
YOU GOT A REAL SWEE DISPOSITION, YOU KNOW THAT? YOU'RE NOT TOO MANY LAUGHS YOURSELF, COMEDIAN.
[ Lou .]
HEY, WHAT MOVIES WERE YOU IN? COME ON.
WHAT IS THIS? TWENTY QUESTIONS? NO, REALLY.
I MIGHT HAVE SEEN YA.
I GO TO MOVIES ALL THE TIME, AND NOT JUST PORNOS.
COME ON.
NAME A FEW OF THE MOVIES.
THERE'S SOMEONE ON OUR TAIL.
I MUST HAVE MISSED THAT ONE.
GIVE ME ANOTHER.
[ Honking .]
I THINK THEY WANT US TO PULL OVER, COLT.
MUST BE SOMETHIN' WRONG WITH THE TRUCK.
DON'T PULL OVER.
WHY NOT? THAT'S WHY, MORON! [ Gunshot .]
NOT BAD, KID.
YOU LEARNED A LOT.
TOO BAD WE'RE NO GETTING THIS ON FILM.
I WAS RIGHT.
ALL YOU GUYS ARE LUNATICS.
[ Tires Squealing .]
KID, WHEN YOU GET OVER THIS HILL, HIT THE BRAKES.
RIGHT.
HIT THE BRAKES? YEAH, AND HANG ON.
- HIT IT, KID.
- [ Tires Squealing .]
I THINK THEY SHOT A TIRE.
WELL, DON'T STOP NOW.
ALL RIGHT, FUNNY MAN, NOW LET'S HEAR IT.
HEAR WHAT? WHY THOSE MEN TRIED TO KILL US.
THEY PROBABLY DIDN'T LIKE YOUR LAST MOVIE.
THAT'S IT.
KID, YOU GO THAT TIRE FIXED YET? YEAH, IT'S ALL DONE.
YEAH, WELL, LET'S GO.
WE'RE GETTIN' OUTTA HERE.
WE'LL SEE YOU LATER, LOU.
WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU'RE GONNA LEAVE ME STRANDED HERE IN THE DESERT WITH THOSE KILLERS AFTER ME! WE'RE LUNATICS, REMEMBER? OKAY, I'LL TELL YA.
BUT IT'S NOTHING REALLY.
I TRIED A LITTLE BLACKMAIL WITH THIS GUY IN TOWN.
HE DIDN'T GO FOR IT.
WHAT GUY? SORT OF A MOB GUY.
MOB? AS IN-- [ Lou .]
YOU GOT IT.
AND YOU CALL US LUNATICS? WE'RE GETTIN' OUTTA HERE, KID.
WE'RE SITTIN' DUCKS.
THEY SAW YOU WITH ME.
THEY'LL THINK YOU'RE INVOLVED.
YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT OUTTA VEGAS.
HEY, YOU'RE NOT WITH US ANYMORE.
WE HAVE JUST BECOME UNINVOLVED.
WELL, THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK.
THIS GUY WILL COVER US EVERY TIME WE MAKE A MOVE.
SO YOU TWO ARE IN THIS DEAL RIGHT ALONG WITH ME.
- UH, WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT, LOU? - I GOT SOMETHING THEY WANT.
IF THEY CATCH UP WITH ME AND I DON'T HAVE IT ON ME, THEY'LL THINK I GAVE IT TO YOU.
WHY WOULD THEY THINK THAT? BECAUSE THAT'S WHA I'LL TELL 'EM TO SAVE MY LIFE.
OH, GET IN THE TRUCK.
I KNEW YOU'D SEE IT MY WAY.
AFTER WE GET YOU OUTTA HERE, YOU MAY WISH THAT WE HAD TURNED YOU OVER TO THEM.
[ Alexis .]
I DON'T CARE IF YOU HAVE TO SHUT DOWN THE TOWN.
I WANT THAT NOTEBOOK.
PUT THE WORD OUT ON THE STREET.
CARNESCO DOESN'T LEAVE VEGAS.
YOU DISAPPOINTED ME, GENTLEMEN.
I ASKED YOU TO PERFORM ONE SIMPLE SERVICE, AND YOU LET ME DOWN.
HE GOT HELP.
A COUPLE OF COWBOYS SHOWED UP, TRIED TO HUSTLE HIM OUT OF TOWN.
THEN YOU HAVE TO NAIL THEM TOO.
IF THEY WANT TO HELP THAT MADMAN, THEY'LL HAVE TO PAY THE CONSEQUENCES.
DON'T WORRY, MR.
ALEXIS.
BY TONIGHT, HE'LL BE IN YOUR HANDS.
I PROMISE YOU.
I CERTAINLY HOPE SO.
IF BY SOME CHANCE THAT PUGNACIOUS LITTLE FOOL MAKES GOOD ON HIS THREAT, I'LL BE PUT IN A VERY UNPLEASANT POSITION, AND SO WOULD THE TWO OF YOU.
I'M NOT GOING TO BE HUMILIATED BY THAT TWO-BIT FLAKE WHO DOESN'T KNOW WHEN HE'S OUT OF HIS LEAGUE.
HE'S AS GOOD AS DEAD.
THERE'S NO WAY OUT.
YOU GOT A JOB TO DO.
GET GOING.
THIS WHAT YOU CALL A BRIGHT IDEA? NO.
A BRIGHT IDEA WOULD BE TO TELL BIG JACK I NEVER FOUND YOU.
I CALLED JODY.
SHE'S GONNA MEET YOU AT THE AIRPORT.
GOOD.
THANKS FOR THE HELP, KID.
THIS OUGHTA GET YOU A MERIT BADGE.
LOU, IN THE SHORT TIME I'VE KNOWN YOU, I'VE REALLY COME TO DISLIKE YOU.
COLT, I'M GONNA TAKE OFF.
ALL RIGHT.
YOU BE CAREFUL.
THEY'LL BE LOOKIN' FOR THAT TRUCK.
-IF THEY SPOT IT, DON'T TRY TO BE A HERO.
HEAD FOR THE POLICE.
-I WILL.
I WANT YOU TO KNOW I GET AIRSICKNESS.
AND I HATE THOSE LITTLE BAGS.
TERRIFIC.
[ Woman On P.
A.
.]
TRANSCONTINENTAL AIRLINES FLIGHT 13 FROM SAN FRANCISCO NOW ARRIVING AT GATE 4.
GLOBE AIRWAYS FLIGHT 86 TO PHOENIX NOW BOARDING AT GATE 6.
MR.
R.
JOHNSTON, WHITE COURTESY PHONE.
MR.
R.
JOHNSTON, WHITE COURTESY PHONE, PLEASE.
I'VE BEEN IN BREADLINES THAT MOVED FASTER THAN THIS.
WILL YOU RELAX? HOW CAN I RELAX? WHY DON'T YOU WAKE UP, SEAVERS? HOW COME WE HAVEN' SEEN ANY OF THOSE GOONS? THEY KNOW WE WANNA GET OUTTA TOWN.
THIS WOULD BE THE FIRS PLACE THEY'D CHECK.
TWO TICKETS, FLIGHT 418 TO LOS ANGELES, ONE WAY, PLEASE.
FORGET IT, STUNTMAN.
I'M NOT GETTING ON THAT PLANE.
AT THIS POINT, YOU DON'T HAVE A CHOICE.
CAN'T YOU PU TWO AND TWO TOGETHER? THEY PROBABLY ALREADY GOT A HIT MAN ABOARD.
[ Lou .]
WE GOTTA SWITCH PLANES, YOU NINNY.
HE'S JUST A LITTLE NERVOUS.
HE'S NEVER FLOWN BEFORE.
LET ME AT LEAST BUY SOME OF THOSE PILLS.
NOPE.
I'M LOOKIN' FORWARD TO SEE YOU TURN GREEN.
I STILL THINK THIS IS A DUMB MOVE.
WHAT HAPPENS IF THE PLANE CRASHES? WHAT HAPPENS? LOOK, THERE IS NO HIT MAN, AND THE PLANE ISN'T GONNA CRASH.
THE ONLY ACCIDENT'S GONNA HAPPEN IS YOU GETTING YOUR NECK BROKE IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP.
WHAT DID I TELL YA? TAKE A LOOK OVER THERE.
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO NOW? THEY DIDN'T COME DOWN TO WISH US BON VOYAGE.
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT I'M GETTING OUTTA HERE.
THIS WAY.
OH, THIS IS FUN.
I'M BEING SAVED BY A SUICIDAL MANIAC.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING? JUST GO THROUGH.
WHAT'S STOPPING THEM FROM GETTING ON THE PLANE? WE'RE NOT GETTING ON THE PLANE.
[ Buzzes .]
OH, EXCUSE ME.
UH, DO YOU HAVE ANY METAL IN YOUR POCKET, LIKE KEYS OR A LIGHTER? UH, YES, SIR.
THIS.
WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOIN'? IT'S OKAY.
IT SHOOTS BLANKS.
I'M A STUNTMAN, YOU SEE, AND I USE IT AS A PROP.
SO DO HIJACKERS.
HEY, DAN, GIVE ME A HAND.
- [ Handcuffs Click .]
- I TOLD YOU WE COULDN' GET THAT THING THROUGH.
OH, SO YOU'RE IN ON THIS TOO, HUH? TURN AROUND! [ Woman On P.
A.
.]
GLOBE AIRWAYS FLIGHT 14 FROM ALBUQUERQUE NOW ARRIVING AT GATE 2.
MAYBE YOU'RE NOT SUCH A BANANA BRAIN AFTER ALL.
OKAY, YOU GUYS, COME ON.
LET'S GO.
OVER HERE.
I HOPE YOU'RE AS BRILLIAN GETTING US OUTTA HERE AS YOU WERE GETTING US IN.
WELL, I'D GET USED TO I IF I WERE YOU.
JUST GONNA MORE OF THE SAME WHEN WE GET BACK TO L.
A.
IF WE GET BACK TO L.
A.
ALL RIGHT, YOU TWO, ON YOUR FEET.
- HEY, WHAT'S GOIN' ON? - I SAW WHAT HAPPENED AT THE AIRPORT, COLT, AND I KINDA FIGURED YOU'D NEED A LITTLE RESCUING.
YOUR FRIEND HERE CONVINCED US THAT YOU'RE ON THE LEVEL, AND WE'RE NOT GONNA PRESS CHARGES.
YOU'RE FREE TO GO.
GOOD WORK, KID.
NEXT TIME WATCH WHERE YOU TAKE YOUR TOYS.
SOME PEOPLE DON'T KNOW WHEN YOU'RE, UH, PLAYING GAMES.
WE WEREN' PLAYING GAMES, OFFICER.
WE'RE WORKING FOR THE COURTS.
THIS MAN'S A FUGITIVE, AND WE WERE TRYING TO GET HIM BACK TO LOS ANGELES TO STAND TRIAL.
SO HOW CAN I HELP? FOR ONE THING, WE SURE COULD USE AN ESCORT BACK TO CALIFORNIA.
WELL, I CAN ASK THE CAPTAIN.
HE BELIEVED YOUR FRIEND'S STORY.
WAIT A MINUTE! YOU'RE BRINGIN' THE COPS IN THIS? DO YOU THINK THESE LUNKHEADS WILL GET US OUTTA TOWN? WHAT WAS THAT? UH, NOTHING, OFFICER.
HE'S ALWAYS JOKIN' AROUND.
OH, SURE.
COME OFF OF IT, SEAVERS.
ALEXIS HAS GO CONNECTIONS IN THIS TOWN.
THESE GUYS ARE PROBABLY ON HIS PAYROLL.
LOU.
- ALL COPS CAN BE BOUGHT.
- [ Howie .]
WILL YOU SHUT UP, LOU? - THERE'S NO WAY I'M GOIN' WITH THIS CLOWN.
- YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN.
YOU CAN PICK YOUR STUFF UP DOWN THE HALL.
YOU BETTER PUT A MUZZLE ON YOUR FRIEND HERE, BECAUSE HIS MOUTH IS GONNA GET YOU RIGHT BACK IN HERE.
YOU'RE GONNA THANK ME FOR THIS.
THESE COPS CAN'T BE TRUSTED.
[ Lou .]
NO, I'M STILL IN VEGAS.
YEAH, THERE'S BEEN A FEW FOUL-UPS.
LISTEN, BABE, I NEED YOUR HELP.
I KNOW YOU DIDN'T WANT TO GE INVOLVED, BUT THIS IS URGENT.
GET A CAR AND GET DOWN TO THE SOUTH-SIDE DIVISION HEADQUARTERS.
LOOK, COLT, I KNOW YOU TAKE A LOT OF PRIDE IN YOUR WORK, BUT IN THIS CASE, I THINK BIG JACK WOULD UNDERSTAND IF YOU JUST THREW IN THE TOWEL.
YEAH, SHE PROBABLY WOULD.
WHAT ABOUT LOU'S FRIENDS? THEY THINK WE'RE IN ON HIS BLACKMAIL SCHEME.
YEAH, IT'S HOPELESS.
THIS GUY ALEXIS IS TOO BIG.
HE'S GOT PEOPLE EVERYWHERE.
YEAH.
WELL, YOU'LL FIND OU WHEN YOU GET HERE.
OKAY, SHE'S ON HER WAY DOWN.
BUT IF ALEXIS FINDS OU THAT SHE'S INVOLVED IN THIS, THAT'S ANOTHER HEAD THAT'S GONNA ROLL.
LET'S GET OUTTA HERE.
COLT, I TAKE I YOU HAVE A PLAN.
WELL, I'M WORKIN' ON IT.
SEE YA, BOY SCOUT.
THERE THEY COME.
OKAY, GO, LOU.
ALL RIGHT, KID, YOU'RE THE DECOY.
THEY'LL BE LOOKIN' AT THE TRUCK, SO WATCH IT.
HI, DOLL.
LOU, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? SHH! I'LL TELL YOU LATER.
COLT, ISN'T THIS IDEA A LITTLE HALF-BAKED? PROBABLY LESS THAN THAT, BUT WE'LL GIVE IT A SHOT.
IF YOU DON'T MIND, I'D LIKE TO DRIVE.
LOUIS, WHO IS THIS MAN? WHERE ARE WE GOING? COLT SEAVERS, AND WE'RE ALL GOING TO DOWNTOWN SCENIC LOS ANGELES.
- NOW GET DOWN.
- [ Crystal .]
WELL, I-- - GO, KID.
- [ Tires Squealing .]
COME ON.
LET'S GO.
LOUIS, WOULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME WHAT-- CRYSTAL, GET DOWN! - LOU'S IN THE MUSTANG.
- [ Tires Squealing .]
[ Tires Squealing .]
HE'S IN A RED MUSTANG HEADING SOUTH ON LAS PALMAS.
[ On Radio .]
YOU'LL SEE HIM ANY MINUTE.
[ Tires Squealing .]
WE GOT HIM.
HE JUST MADE A RIGHT ON MAYFIELD ROAD.
- DON'T LET HIM OUT OF YOUR SIGHT.
- [ Tires Squealing .]
SO MUCH FOR THE DECOY.
WHAT, YA MEAN THEY DIDN'T TAKE THE BAIT? WELL, YOU CAN'T WIN 'EM ALL.
[ Tires Squealing .]
YOU'RE NOT DOIN' TOO GOOD A JOB OF LOSIN' 'EM, ARE YA, COWBOY? SHUT UP, LOU.
WHO DO YOU THINK I AM? MARIO ANDRETTI? OH! [ Crystal .]
OH! [ Crystal .]
OH, MY GOODNESS! OH! OH! [ Movie: Men Speaking, Indistinct .]
NEVER COULD STAND WAITIN' IN LINES.
WE CAN CATCH THE END.
[ Crystal .]
OH, LOUIS, HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? DON'T LOOK AT ME.
IT WASN' MY IDEA TO TAKE IN A MOVIE.
I'M TALKING ABOUT INVOLVING ME IN YOUR BLACKMAIL SCHEME.
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE GONNA USE THOSE THINGS I TOLD YOU ABOUT.
NOW WARREN'S GONNA BE LOOKING FOR ME.
WELL, HE DON'T KNOW YOU TOLD ME ABOU THE JOCKS HE PAID OFF.
SO THAT'S WHAT THE NOTEBOOK WAS ALL ABOUT.
YEAH.
I WAS GONNA GIVE I TO THE PRESS IF HE DIDN' COME ACROSS WITH SOME CASH.
OH, HOW DO YOU COME UP WITH THESE IDEAS? JUST WHERE IS THIS NOTEBOOK? WHERE ELSE? IN MY APARTMENT.
YOU DON'T THINK I WANT ALEXIS TO GET HIS GREASY HANDS ON IT.
OH, OF COURSE NOT.
BETTER WE SHOULD ALL GET KILLED.
THEY'RE RIGHT IN HERE.
YOU KNOW, I'M AWFUL TIRED OF SEEING YOU TWO IN HERE.
THE NEXT TIME, I'M GONNA SEE TO I THAT YOU STAY A LOT LONGER.
IT'S A GOOD THING THEY ONLY CHARGED YOU GUYS WITH DESTRUCTION OF PRIVATE PROPERTY, OR YOU WOULD HAVE.
YEAH, WELL-- JODY WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? WELL, WHEN YOU DIDN' SHOW UP AT THE AIRPORT, I FIGURED YOU WERE IN TROUBLE.
THAT'S A GOOD GUESS.
-ANYWAY, YOU'RE ALL OUT ON BAIL.
-WHAT DID YOU DO? WIRE BIG JACK FOR THE MONEY? NO, I MADE A QUICK STOP AT THE CASINO.
IT'S A GOOD THING THIS JAIL TAKES CHIPS.
WELL, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO NOW? [ Lou .]
YEAH, SEAVERS, YOU'RE THE GENIUS.
MAYBE THIS TIME YOU'LL COME UP WITH AN IDEA THAT WORKS.
[ Sighs .]
WELL, I'M STARTING TO FEEL LIKE WE'RE NOT JUS GONNA DRIVE OUTTA TOWN.
- BRILLIANT DEDUCTION.
- MMM.
- THEN WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO? - WELL, I'M GONNA LOOK FOR A CERTAIN NOTEBOOK.
YOU AND JODY ARE GONNA TAKE LOU TO THE GOLDEN HORSESHOE.
[ Howie .]
WHAT? HALF THE TOWN'S LOOKIN' FOR THIS GUY.
[ Colt .]
THE BEST PLACE TO HIDE IS IN A CROWD.
BESIDES, THERE'S AN UNWRITTEN LAW IN THIS TOWN.
NO ONE SETTLES A SCORE IN A CASINO.
[ Colt .]
BULLETS DISTRACT THE GAMBLERS.
BULLETS? OH, DON'T WORRY.
YOU'LL BE SAFE THERE.
- JUST GET A TABLE IN THE LOUNGE AND STAY PUT TILL WE GET BACK.
- WE? YEAH.
YOU'RE GONNA TAKE ME TO HIS APARTMENT.
COME ON.
CAN WE DRIVE SLOW THIS TIME? I PROMISE.
COME ON, LOU.
[ Country Instrumental .]
[ Continues .]
I'VE HAD POISON THAT TASTES BETTER THAN THIS STUFF.
WHY DON'T YOU ORDER ANOTHER BOTTLE? DON'T YOU EVER HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY ABOUT ANYTHING? - WHY SHOULD I? - THAT'S A GREAT ATTITUDE.
HOW CAN YOU GO THROUGH LIFE WITH AN OUTLOOK LIKE THAT? HEY, SPARE ME THE LECTURE, WILL YA, BLONDIE? I DON'T HAVE TO APOLOGIZE TO ANYBODY FOR WHO I AM.
I HAD TO FIGHT AND SCRATCH FOR EVERYTHING I GOT! I WASN'T BORN WITH A SILVER SPOON IN MY MOUTH! IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP, YOU'RE GONNA GET ONE SHOVED DOWN YOUR THROAT.
[ Continues .]
I DON'T CARE WHA THOSE SLOBS THINK.
SAY, BUDDY, WE'RE TRYIN' TO LISTEN TO THE SHOW, HUH? - SO WHAT'S STOPPING YOU? - YOUR MOUTH.
IT DOESN'T SEEM TO WANNA STAY SHUT.
HEY, BEER BELLY, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT? COOL IT, LOU.
- I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE THAT FLAK FROM THAT GORILLA.
- [ Jody .]
LOU! WOULD YOU LIKE TO STEP OUTSIDE? I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO WATCH THE SHOW.
WHAT'S THE MATTER? CAN'T YOU MAKE UP YOUR MIND? OH, THAT DID IT.
HEY, NOW WAIT A MINUTE, GUYS.
LET'S JUST TALK ABOUT THIS.
GET OUT OF MY WAY! GET HIM! [ Lou .]
I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO WATCH THE SHOW! YOU GOT A LOT OF NERVE, YOU BUM! YEAH, YOU SHOULD TALK.
EVERY TIME YOU WALK INTO A ROOM, A FIGHT STARTS.
ARE YOU BLAMING ME FOR THAT? OH, NO, NO.
THAT WAS MY FAULT.
WELL, HOW DID I KNOW THE GUY WAS SENSITIVE ABOUT HIS WEIGHT? THIS IS GREAT.
WE CAN'T GE BACK INTO THE CASINO NOW, AND GOD KNOWS WHERE COLT IS.
AND SOMEWHERE THERE'S A GANG OF HOODS OUT HERE WHO WANNA KILL YOU.
I'M BEGINNING TO THINK THEY'VE GOT THE RIGHT IDEA.
LOOK OUT! GIVE YOU A LIFT? THAT'S OKAY.
WE'LL WALK.
I THINK YOU'LL BE MUCH SAFER INSIDE THE CAR.
MOVE.
SOMEONE REAL IMPORTAN WANTS TO SEE YOU.
AFTER YOU, GORGEOUS.
I SUPPOSE YOU BLAME ME FOR THIS TOO.
[ Tires Squealing .]
OH, MY GOODNESS.
I'LL SAY ONE THING FOR MR.
ALEXIS.
HIS MEN ARE THOROUGH.
IF THAT BOOK WAS HERE, I'M SURE THEY FOUND IT.
ON THE OTHER HAND, I GOT NO REASON TO BELIEVE IT WAS EVER ACTUALLY HERE TO BEGIN WITH.
YOU THINK LOUIS LIED TO YOU? YEAH, I WOULDN' PUT IT PAST HIM.
OH, COLT, I'M SORRY YOU HAD TO GE MIXED UP IN LOUIS'S PROBLEMS.
YOU DON'T DESERVE THIS.
YEAH, WELL, YOU DON'T EITHER.
HOW IN THE WORLD DID YOU GET INVOLVED WITH HIM TO BEGIN WITH? I DON'T KNOW.
MOTHER USED TO SAY I HAD THE GIFT OF AFFECTION, THAT I NEVER ME A MAN I DIDN'T LIKE.
EVEN LOUIS.
OH, I KNOW HE'S RUDE AND INSULTS EVERYBODY, BUT UNDERNEATH THAT AWFUL EXTERIOR, I'M SURE THERE'S SOME GOOD.
AT LEAST I THINK THERE IS.
YEAH, WELL, I THINK HE AND I HAD BETTER HAVE ANOTHER TALK.
[ Telephone Dialing .]
UH, THE NUMBER OF THE GOLDEN HORSESHOE, PLEASE.
[ Man .]
YES, I'M WELL AWARE OF WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE, AND IF THEY EVER TRY TO SET FOOT IN THIS CASINO, THEY'LL BE MAKING A SERIOUS MISTAKE.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHERE I CAN FIND THEM? AFTER THEY STARTED THE BRAWL, THERE WAS PANDEMONIUM.
THEY COULD BE ANYWHERE, BUT IT'S MY FONDEST HOPE THAT YOU FIND THEM IN JAIL.
WHAT'D HE SAY? UH, LOU STARTED A FIGHT.
THEY GOT THROWN OU OF THE CASINO.
WHICH MEANS THEY LOST WHATEVER PROTECTION THEY HAD.
IT ALSO MEANS THEY'RE IN BIG TROUBLE.
WARREN ALEXIS IS NOT A MAN WHO ACCEPTS FAILURE.
THAT'S WHY YOU GOTTA HELP ME GET TO HIM.
COLT, I'M SUPPOSED TO BE HIS PERSONAL SECRETARY.
IF HE FINDS OU I'M HOOKED UP WITH LOUIS, IT'S GOOD NIGHT, CRYSTAL.
BUT IF YOU DON'T, IT'S GOOD NIGH FOR EVERYBODY ELSE.
HI, SCOTTY.
HELLO, MR.
CONNOR.
GO RIGHT ON IN.
[ Mellow Jazz On Radio .]
[ Woman Laughing .]
I'M ONLY GOING TO ASK YOU ONE MORE TIME.
WHERE'S THAT NOTEBOOK? WHAT DO YOU CARE? IT WON'T DO YOU ANY GOOD WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO READ.
[ Grunts .]
HEY! CAN'T YOU TAKE A JOKE? THE TIME FOR HUMOR IS LONG GONE, CARNESCO.
PERHAPS YOUR FRIEND MR.
SEAVERS CAN GIVE ME AN ANSWER.
COLT DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING.
MAYBE NOT.
OR HE NEVER COULD HAVE GOTTEN INVOLVED WITH SUCH A LOW FORM OF HUMAN LIFE.
WE'LL CONTINUE THIS AFTER MY GUESTS ARE GONE.
- I DON'T WAN TO MISS THE PARTY.
- YES, SIR.
- LOU-- - HEY.
IT'S NO PROBLEM.
JUST IN CASE I DON'T GE A CHANCE TO TELL YOU LATER, I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU'RE THE BIGGEST JERK I'VE EVER MET.
COME ON, HOWIE.
NOW DON'T TRY AND DEFEND HIM! YOU DON'T KNOW HALF OF WHA THIS IDIOT'S PUT US THROUGH.
COLT'S OUT THERE SOMEWHERE, AND HE'S NOT GONNA LE ANYTHING HAPPEN TO US.
- 2-TO-1 YOU'RE WRONG.
- YOU GOT A BET.
I'LL TAKE A PIECE OF THAT ACTION.
MISS CRYSTAL.
I MUST SAY, YOU CERTAINLY PULLED ONE OUT OF THE FIRE LAST WEEK.
THANKS, MR.
ALEXIS.
[ Chuckles .]
ONLY NEXT TIME TRY TO GIVE US A LITTLE BREATHING ROOM.
I DON'T THINK I CAN HANDLE ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE, UH, CARDIAC FINISHES.
[ Chuckles .]
I'M GETTING TOO OLD FOR THAT KIND OF SUSPENSE.
SO ENJOY YOURSELF, FELLAS.
THERE'S PLENTY OF FOOD AND OTHER GOODIES.
SO DON'T BE SHY, EH? HI, LADIES.
HELLO.
HI, GUYS.
CRYSTAL, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL DAY? I'VE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU.
OH, WARREN.
MR.
ALEXIS, MAY I TALK TO YOU? PRIVATELY? EXCUSE ME.
COME.
WHAT IS IT? YOU KNOW THAT CAR WE WERE CHASING LAST NIGHT? I CHECKED OUT THE TAGS.
SO? IT'S OWNER IS A SHOWGIRL NAMED BRANDY HOLMES.
SHE WAS VERY UPSE ABOUT IT BEING SMASHED, BUT SHE SAID ALL SHE HAD DONE WAS LOAN IT TO A FRIEND.
WHAT FRIEND? CRYSTAL.
I'M SORRY, MR.
ALEXIS.
COME.
WARREN, YOU'RE HURTING ME! I INTENDED TO.
COME WITH ME.
COME ON.
WAIT A MINUTE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? CRYSTAL, WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? LOU, PLEASE SHUT UP! WHAT DO YOU MEAN, SHUT UP? IF YOU HURT HER-- NOT YET, CARNESCO.
BUT I WILL IF YOU DON' GET THAT BOOK.
IT WOULD BE A SHAME TO DAMAGE SUCH GOODS.
BUT THEN, THEY'RE EASY TO REPLACE.
IN SPITE OF HER EXPENSIVE TRAPPINGS, CRYSTAL IS REALLY VERY CHEAP.
[ Gasps .]
FOR GOD SAKES, LOU, WILL YOU TELL HIM WHA HE WANTS TO KNOW? ALEXIS, YOU DINGBAT, LISTEN TO ME.
THERE'S NO BOOK.
NEVER WAS.
I WAS JUST KIDDING AROUND.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? IT WAS ALL A CON, A HUSTLE, I SWEAR.
I COULDN'T PIN ANYTHING LIKE THAT ON A GUY LIKE YOU.
I WAS DESPERATE.
LOOK, YOU WANNA BREAK BOTH MY LEGS? HERE THEY ARE.
YOU WANNA KILL ME, FINE.
BUT CRYSTAL JUST WASN' IN THIS THING.
PLEASE LET HER GO.
I'M SORRY, LOU.
THIS TIME YOUR MOUTH WENT A LITTLE TOO FAR.
- [ Howie .]
WELL, WHAT ABOUT US? - YEAH.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT'S GOIN' ON.
WELL, MY DEAR, THIS JUST ISN' YOUR LUCKY DAY.
YOU SEE, I MUST TAKE PRECAUTIONS.
TAKE 'EM OUT THE BACK WAY INTO THE DESERT AND MAKE SURE THEY NEVER COME BACK.
[ Tires Squealing .]
WHAT'S THAT? YOU OWE ME THAT BET, BLONDIE.
- GET IN! - [ Grunts .]
DON'T LET THEM GET AWAY! MOVE! GET GOING! [ All Clamoring .]
COME ON! GET GOING! GO! NOTHING SERIOUS.
JUST A LITTLE PRANK.
GO BACK AND ENJOY YOURSELF.
COLT, YOU DID IT! YOU SPRUNG US! WE'RE NOT SPRUNG YET.
TAKE A RIGHT AT THIS STREET.
IT'LL LEAD YOU RIGH TO THE HIGHWAY.
[ Tires Squealing .]
[ Tires Squealing .]
[ Whistle Blowing .]
[ Tires Squealing .]
[ Tires Squealing .]
[ Lou .]
WHAT'S THE MATTER, FALL GUY? DON'T YOU LIKE REGULAR ROADS? [ Bells Ringing .]
OH.
I HOPE YOU'RE NO AS CRAZY AS I THINK YOU ARE.
FASTEN YOUR SEAT BELTS.
FALL GUY FLYIN' CIRCUS IS ABOUT TO TAKE TO THE AIR.
OH, MY GOD.
PRETTY SLICK DRIVIN', COLT.
THAT'S THE GREATEST JUMP I'VE EVER SEEN! I ALWAYS LIKED TRAINS.
THEY SAY IT'S THE SAFEST WAY TO TRAVEL.
[ All Laughing .]
WE HEAD OUT FOR THE WIDE OPEN SPACES [ Laughter Continues .]
UNSPOILED BY THE PASSAGE OF TIME SO LET'S HEAD FOR THE WIDE OPEN SPACES BYE, COLT.
GOOD-BYE, CRYSTAL.
[ Lou .]
WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN', PLEA BARGAIN? I WANT A HANGING JUDGE.
CAN'T I GET A LITTLE JUSTICE HERE? COLT, WILL YOU TALK TO HIM? I'M TRYING TO GET HIM A DEFENDER.
THERE IS NO REASON HE SHOULD SPEND THE RES OF HIS LIFE IN JAIL.
I CAN THINK OF ONE OR TWO.
YEAH, SO CAN I.
LIKE A CERTAIN MOBSTER WITH A MEMORY THAT WON'T QUIT.
CAN'T YOU FIX I SO THEY THROW THE BOOK AT ME? THAT'S NOT THE WAY THE JUSTICE SYSTEM WORKS.
LOOK, ALL I WANNA DO IS PAY MY DEBT TO SOCIETY.
- CAN'T A GUY DO THAT ANYMORE? - YES, BUT IT'S NOT THAT EASY.
LOU, IF IT MEANS THAT MUCH TO YOU, I'LL TALK TO THE JUDGE MYSELF.
YOU KNOW, SEAVERS, YOU'RE NOT SUCH A BAD GUY.
WELL, LET'S GRAB A BEER, AND YOU CAN JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT.
YOU KNOW, UH, FEDERAL PEN, MAXIMUM SECURITY, OR HOW ABOUT A NICE CHAIN GANG? THAT'S ALWAYS FUN.
OH, YOU'RE A LOT OF LAUGHS, SEAVERS.
THAT'S WHAT THEY TELL ME, LOU.
THAT'S WHAT THEY TELL ME.