The Great Indian Kapil Show (2024) s01e08 Episode Script

1
Kapil! Kapil! Kapil! Kapil!
Kapil! Kapil! Kapil! Kapil!
Kapil! Kapil! Kapil!
Good evening and welcome to
The Great Indian Kapil Show.
-Kapil! Kapil! Kapil!
-Very kind. Thank you.
"A huge round of applause
for Ed Sheeran."
"What a beautiful performance, Ed!"
"Welcome to Kap's Café.
I just loved your performance."
"You are a global sensation."
-You You are a global sensation.
-Kapil!
Kapil, Ed Sheeran
hasn't arrived on stage yet,
and you're already blabbering in English.
I didn't even prepare for my high school
English exams so extensively!
I've been cramming all morning!
The harder you attempt to make sense
of English, the more it confuses you.
For all these years, I've been pronouncing
"education" as "education."
When I traveled abroad,
they pronounced it as "eh-du-kay-shn".
Then I learned "schedule,"
-but they pronounce it as "skeh-jool."
-"Skeh-jool."
When we were being
taught English in school,
our focus was more on the English teacher
than on English itself.
How will we learn English?
As I grew up, I considered
watching English films.
But even then, we were more focused on
Angelina Jolie herself
than on her dialogue.
I believe that confidence is essential
for speaking English.
Take Agra, for instance.
Have you seen the tourist guides there?
They speak with such confidence.
"You know, this marble
we brought from Rajasthan."
"And the art is from South India."
The tourist guide speaks so confidently,
it's like he personally built
the Taj Mahal alongside Shah Jahan.
Anyway, I've prepared some notes
for the questions
I intend to ask Ed Sheeran,
just like we did in our childhood.
I hope I don't forget.
I've been mugging up English for so long.
Kapil, imagine that
you're cramming English
while Ed Sheeran is cramming Hindi!
It would be really fun
if he's cramming Hindi!
Namaste, India.
Look over there!
"It's a really nice feeling to be here."
"Kapil, did you ever imagine that
I would come to your show?"
"Thank you very much for inviting me."
He is just like me in studies.
"Okay, guys! Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome the man
who has sold
more than 150 million records!"
"He has won the Grammy four times!" Wow!
"He has won Emmy Awards, BRIT Awards."
"The one and only global sensation,
Ed Sheeran!"
Yeah!
Oh, my God!
The club isn't the best place
To find a lover
So the bar is where I go
Me and my friends
At the table doing shots
Drinking fast and then we talk slow
Come over and start up
A conversation with just me
And trust me I'll give it a chance
Now take my hand, stop
Put Van the Man on the jukebox
And then we start to dance
I'm singing like
Girl, you know I want your love
Your love was handmade
For somebody like me
Come on now, follow my lead
I may be crazy, don't mind me
Say, boy, let's not talk too much
Grab on my waist
And put that body on me
Come on now, follow my lead
Come, come on now, follow my lead
I'm in love with the shape of you
We push and pull like a magnet do
Although my heart is falling too
I'm in love with your body
And last night you were in my room
And now my bedsheets smell like you
Every day discovering something brand new
I'm in love with your body
Oh-I-oh-I-oh-I-oh-I
I'm in love with your body
Oh-I-oh-I-oh-I-oh-I
I'm in love with your body
Oh-I-oh-I-oh-I-oh-I
I'm in love with your body
Every day discovering something brand new
I'm in love with the shape of you
Oh, my God!
A huge round of applause for Ed Sheeran!
What a beautiful performance!
Ed, welcome to Kap's Café, bro.
-How are you?
-What a fantastic performance!
Thank you.
Ed, it's a pleasure
to have you on our show.
-Thank you. Thanks for having me.
-You're a global sensation.
How you feeling after meeting
another global sensation?
When I told people
that I was coming on this show,
-everyone was so, so excited about it.
-Wow!
-So yeah. Yeah. Totally thrilled.
-Oh, wow! Seriously?
The notes!
I loved the way you mixed "Shape of You"
with bhangra beats, you know.
This is the best mix of English
and desi I've ever seen actually.
-Yeah, absolutely.
-Thank you.
Did you always want to mix
bhangra with "Shape of You,"
or last night you had your drink mixed
with something?
How did this idea come to your mind?
I mean,
the Indian people loved it actually.
Do you know what?
When I released this song,
I just saw lots of people
making their own versions
and doing their own sort of dance videos,
with a bhangra mix that they'd made.
Then when I was asked
to come on this show,
I was like, "Well, I'd love to play it,
you know, properly." And
-It was just beautiful.
-Yeah.
-Loved it.
-Thank you.
Ed, you know, they all are happy
because they didn't buy a single ticket.
-They all came here for free.
-Free!
You know, Ed, today is the happiest
and most difficult day for me.
-Ask me how?
-Why?
The most happiest day
because I love music, you know?
But the hardest day for me
because my English
is almost in last stage.
So, I'm asking for an apology in advance
if in any case you didn't get my English.
And your English too, I will watch
Now Okay,
you're like my brother, you know?
You're younger than me in age,
but I'm younger than you in English.
I will not lie to you.
I have made some notes.
-Okay.
-All the notes have finished.
Now, this interview
can collapse at any time.
Okay. Because I'm a fan of music
and a fan of your songs,
I must compliment you.
My daughter is four years old.
So when as I was leaving
from my home, she said,
"Papa, is Ed coming to your show?"
She's just four years old,
and she remembers
all the lyrics of "Shape of You."
-Wow!
-That is how popular you are in India.
Thank you.
-Ed, let's have a seat, bro.
-Okay.
A big round of applause for Ed!
-Ed, you're looking very handsome.
-Thank you.
I love the color of your hair.
Is it natural or do you apply mehndi
like every Indian?
Mehndi is, you know, on the wedding day,
Indian women what they do,
they write their husband's name
on this area, where you
What is it called?
Where you take blood samples
for the blood test.
Forearm!
And it disappears
after two or three days.
But the name of the wife,
it stays here for cen
-Centuries!
-Many years!
After the wedding is done,
men cannot see other women publicly.
And if you want to see other women,
you have to do core exercises
because Indian wives are born fighters.
Their elbow is very strong.
They will put it inside your core,
and your lungs will come out in your lap!
So
-By the way, you have amazing tattoos, Ed.
-Thank you.
-How many tattoos do you have?
-A lot.
-Wow!
-I've got them all over my
All over the body.
All over the back. Legs.
So, you don't need to wear
the pants and shirt actually.
I mean
-I mean But it suits you, man.
-Thank you.
I get them wherever I go.
They signify things in different cities
around the world.
I haven't got an Indian one yet though.
-So, we should sort that out. Yeah.
-Yeah, you should get an Indian one.
So, Ed, are you enjoying India?
I'm watching your videos.
You went to some school.
-Yeah!
-You had a good time with the kids.
And you went to Shah Rukh Khan's house.
-You met him. Wow!
-Yeah!
I met him The last time I came here,
in 2017, we met,
but yesterday, it was just wonderful.
He's such a nice guy.
For how big he is,
he's so like just lovely.
-He's a really warm human being.
-He's amazing.
-He's a sweetheart.
-And I had a lot of fun. I met his family.
We jammed out some songs.
They taught me how to dance
a little bit. And
Yeah, it was good.
He taught you his iconic step, right?
-That
-Yeah. I don't think I got it quite right.
Can you do it for our audience?
-Okay.
-You teach me now.
Okay. He does that, then in, and then
Superb!
I've got a lot to see in India.
-True.
-A lot of food to try.
A lot of culture to discover. It's great.
How do you try the food?
Isn't it too spicy for you, Ed?
This is the thing. I love spice.
And I come here
Oh, wow!
-I can eat pretty hot food.
-Really?
But people think because They look
at me and they tone it down a bit.
-Yeah.
-Yeah, I'm not into that.
Your definition of spicy food
may be very different from Indians.
Because Indian food
is sometimes very spicy.
That's why Indians don't use tissue paper.
Because
-Toilet paper.
-Because it's so spicy
-the tissue will catch fire actually.
-Catch fire.
In England, we call it "ring sting."
-Ring sting?
-Ring sting, yeah.
The ring stings.
You know, we always use jet spray.
-Yeah, yeah.
-Jet spray, you know?
-Kapil!
-Oh, my God.
Choosing the right jet spray
is like choosing the right life partner.
-Oh, God!
-I mean
No. See
I'm telling you this because
sometimes the jet spray is very light,
it's enjoyable.
If the jet spray is a little bit harsh
Oh, God!
You're gone!
-I think I'm done.
-You're done!
-Please.
-I have members of my crew
that spend, like,
a lot of time on the jet spray.
They kinda just sit,
and press up, and just
stick the jet spray up there.
You know, Ed.
Archana ji, she's a very senior actor
in our industry.
The guy sitting behind her,
in the white shirt
-Yeah, her son. Yeah, yeah.
-He's her son.
He never came to my show, you know.
The first time, he came for you.
And the main thing is
she charged her son.
Very money-minded lady.
So, let me tell my fans
in 192 countries
This is Ed's third visit to India.
Two times, he couldn't meet me.
Last time, they took him
to Farah Khan's house instead of my show.
But this time,
he has especially come to meet me.
No, no. I have a show in Mumbai.
Oh, wow!
-I'm learning. I'm getting there.
-You are speaking so good, man!
-Yes!
-Was that good?
Awesome!
Whenever I go for my live shows, you know.
So, I'm also fond of music.
Sometimes, you know, I forget the lyrics.
What do you do
when you forget your lyrics?
I did it once recently actually.
Last year, I played in New Zealand.
And I usually do like
a warm-up show the day before
-Okay.
-where I play all the songs through.
But the fiddle player
that we have on "Galway Girl"
was arriving late,
so we didn't do "Galway Girl"
in the warm-up show.
So, I'm on stage and the song starts.
And I go
And I had to stop it. And then I start
it again, and then I have to stop it.
And then I go, "Is there anyone
in the crowd that wants to sing this?"
This 11-year-old girl
puts her hand up and I go, "Cool!"
I bring her up on stage,
we get her a pack.
-Wow.
-And she doesn't know the words either.
So, we were both kind of on stage,
and then my violinist came up to me
and whispered the first lyric,
and it, like, jump-started it.
You watch the video on the internet,
you'd think she's singing along with me.
-But it was like
-But she isn't?
-I think she got stage fright.
-Maybe.
But, yeah, it was funny.
Come on!
Thank you.
Superb!
See, Netflix?
-The perks of working with us!
-What?
-What?
-They say ads don't come on Netflix.
Oh! Ad!
But today, we have Ed Sheeran on our show!
You know, you're the first Ed of my life
which I will never skip.
He's so sweet, isn't he?
Yes!
See, you are sweet, and I have low sugar.
And the doctor told me,
"You should have sweets."
So, can I
Come on.
-Don't disturb my guest.
-No, he took me wrong.
I was talking about this sweet.
You know this sweet?
-This is soan papdi.
-Cool.
-Can I eat it?
-Yeah, you can taste
-Oh, nice! You like it?
-It's good.
Say "one soan papdi."
One sno papri?
-Soan papdi.
-Soan papdi.
-Soan papdi.
-Yeah, this is soan papdi.
You know
there is a festival in India, Diwali?
So in Diwali, this sweet comes.
So this sweet is passing the parcel.
Yeah.
You give to one relative,
that relative will give it
to another relative.
That one will give it to another relative.
And it will come back to you.
I just came to tell you.
You know my name is Mona.
I'm an air hostess.
We have a really useless airline here.
And I work for that airline.
I always sing your song.
-"Shape of You".
-Thank you.
-Yeah.
-Yeah. Whenever she sings,
people say, "Shame on you!"
She's that bad.
-I have one more thing I wanted to ask.
-Okay.
When you go to bed in the night,
and when you're lying down on the bed,
at that time,
are you Ed Sheeran or Bed Sheeran?
Oh, God!
-Very bad.
-Very good.
-You've been to India before, no?
-Yeah.
-You like India? You love India.
-I love India.
You come to my village, I'll take you.
-Whereabouts is it?
-Gonda.
-Gon
-Gonda.
Don't go to his place.
He will take you to Punjab.
To his city, Amritsar.
I heard that's where the best food is.
-Amritsar. The food is good.
-It's the food capital of India.
I know, I know. But if you
continue eating this for 15 days,
the shape of you
will become the shape of O.
When you come to Gonda,
the people will tell you
"Gonda ka launda."
Launda means "sexy dude."
-Yes.
-So, launda from Gonda.
Yeah.
Can you speak Bhojpuri?
What should I say?
Say, "Hum Bambai aake"
"Hum Bambai aake"
"bhaukaal macha delas!"
-What? What was that?
-"Bhaukaal"
"Bhaukaal"
-"macha"
-"macha"
-"delas."
-"delas."
Wow!
One suggestion I wanted to give you
as you've come to India
Where is your next show?
I think it's in America.
-America?
-Yeah.
Oh, fantastic! You can
take my uncle to your show.
He's a very big plumber.
Why would he take a plumber on his tour?
His previous show was with a tailor.
So, why can't he do his next show
with a plumber?
Mona, she was Taylor Swift,
a global artist.
Even their tailors can sing!
My God! This is amazing!
And then our tailors!
He hasn't sewn my pajamas
for three months!
-Do you know "pajamas"?
-As in
-You know what "pajamas" mean?
-the clothes?
-Pajama. Yeah.
-Yeah.
Pajama is salwar's husband.
And you know salwar?
He got it.
And you know what a salwar is?
Salwar is petticoat's daughter.
-Mona, get up!
-And do you know what is petticoat?
Get going.
Thank God you stopped me!
I was becoming anxious about
what connection langot
and underwear could have!
-Ed, nice to meet you.
-Thank you.
-Bye. See you.
-It was great.
-Bye, Kaps.
-Bye-bye!
Bye!
Ed, do you listen to Indian music?
Yeah. A lot. Yeah.
Every time I'm on a plane, there's always
a Bollywood section of movies.
And I just always choose one and watch it,
and that's my, like, way
of discovering stuff, I guess.
And then, you know, there's obviously
a lot of non-Bollywood music as well.
I really like Divine. I really like King.
I love Armaan Malik as well.
I think it's
There's like There's so much
talent here. It's really cool to see.
-Thank you, Ed.
-It's wonderful. Yeah.
Ed, Kapil sings very well.
-No, I mean
-So
-Yes!
-No, no, no.
A little something.
-What do we sing?
-Kapil! Kapil! Kapil!
-What do I sing?
-Kapil! Kapil! Kapil! Kapil!
-Okay, I'll teach you a Hindi song.
-Okay.
It's a very beautiful song, okay.
It's an old song
from Raj Kapoor sahab's movie.
-Which one?
-"Kisi Ki Muskurahaton Pe."
I will say some lines.
See, the Sennheiser company's
made a mic for me specially.
So first, I will sing the first stanza,
then I will teach you.
Offer yourself to bring a smile to someone
Offer yourself
-Oh, shit.
-Share a shoulder to bear someone's pain
Have love for someone in your heart
This is the name of life
Will you try it?
Offer yourself to bring a smile to someone
Wow!
Share a shoulder to bear someone's pain
Have love for someone in your heart
-This is the name of life
-This is the name of life
Wow!
Beautiful!
What do you want?
Request?
-Any request?
-Any request?
"Perfect."
I found a love
For me
Darling, just dive right in
And follow my lead
Well, I found a girl
Beautiful and sweet
Oh, I never knew you were the someone
Waiting for me
'Cause we were just kids
When we fell in love
Not knowing what it was
I will not give you up this time
But, darling, just kiss me slow
Your heart is all I own
And in your eyes, you're holding mine
Baby, I'm dancing in the dark
With you between my arms
Barefoot on the grass
Listening to our favorite song
When you said you looked a mess
I whispered underneath my breath
But you heard it
Darling, you look perfect tonight
Beautiful!
Beautiful, man!
It's just beautiful, Ed.
Thank you. Thank you so much.
I love you, Ed!
Love you too.
What's "I love you too" in Hindi?
"Main bhi tumse pyaar karta hoon."
-"Main bhi"
-"Main bhi"
-"tumse"
-"tumse"
-"pyaar"
-"pyaar"
-"karta"
-"karta"
-"hoon."
-"hoon."
Music is very important in India actually.
I will share a story.
When I was in my college,
I used to stay in a hostel.
So there, in my hostel,
everyone was a singer.
Why? I will tell you the reason.
Because in our bathroom,
there was no latch. Kundi.
So, if you're sitting in the bathroom,
you have to sing something.
Because if you don't sing something,
someone will enter,
and your album will leak.
I mean
So, that's your way
of letting them know that you're
-That you're there.
-That I'm sitting inside.
-What song did you sing? Just
-Any song.
"Under Pressure"?
"Under Pressure."
-Actually, I wanted to become a singer.
-Yeah?
When I came out of my home,
I saw everyone was singing.
So, I swapped my line.
I, originally I really wanted
to be an actor as well.
And I auditioned for this TV show.
And it was acting with music.
And I got down to, like, the final.
I was, like, sixteen.
I got down to, like, the final ten people.
And in my head I was like,
"If I get this, I'll just do acting
and I won't do music."
"If I don't get this, I won't do acting.
And I'll just do music."
-And I didn't get it.
-But you can do both.
-I saw you in Game of Thrones.
-Oh, yeah.
You know, actually
Actually, you know, when I saw you
in the series, I was shocked. Like
I thought, did you really want to act,
or you were just curious like me,
"Okay, who will get the throne?"
Ed, I think there's a note behind that
-Yeah.
-Oh!
Can you please read it for me?
I forgot my next question actually.
"Ed, your album names
are very educational."
"Like Plus, Subtract, Divide,
Multiply, and Equals."
"And your tour name
is also Mathematics."
"How come everything
has mathematical names?"
"Did you have a crush
on your math teacher?"
Yes.
It actually has nothing
to do with math. It was
I released some independent records
when I was like 17 or 18.
I released five of them.
And then Plus was like
the addition on to them.
Multiply was meant to make
everything bigger and take it worldwide.
Divide was a double album.
Subtract stripped everything back,
and Equals was the sum of all the parts.
-When I was 18, I just made that plan.
-Wow!
I was like,
"I'm gonna make five records."
"And they are gonna do this sonically."
And, hopefully, by the end of it,
we'll be sat here and all will be good.
I came to know something about Ed,
which is very interesting.
He started writing his songs
-when he was 11 years old. Man, what a
-Eleven years old. Yeah.
Superb!
Actually, when you're in
the struggling phase, you know,
nobody takes you seriously.
When you became famous
-Yeah.
-did they try to, you know, chase you?
-Did you face the same
-Well, yeah, I mean,
I don't look like a conventional pop star.
So, I was like
Especially, when I was younger,
I was quite fat.
I had really messy hair. I wore glasses.
I played a tiny guitar.
I was ridiculed a lot, you know.
It wasn't like
I'm trying to get into the industry
to become a pop star
and people would look at me and go
"Really? Really?"
I think that's why I had successes.
I think I wasn't conventional
It didn't fit, therefore,
it was more interesting, I think.
But I definitely feel like,
the early years made me who I am.
'Cause I think
being in that position where like
you're failing, you're being ridiculed,
and you're not nothing's happening,
and you really want it to happen,
but you're working as hard as you can.
As soon as it works,
you're so grateful, that you'll work hard
and you'll do everything
and you'll be nice to people
because you don't want it
to go away basically.
-Actually.
-Yeah.
Ed, I have some questions,
which were given by the audience.
You have travelled in many countries.
What is the weirdest food you ever had?
Fish sperm.
What?
Basically, in Japan, they have this
When you go to a sushi
or omakase restaurant,
it's basically, like, the chef
makes stuff and he puts it down,
and it will be like nigiri,
or other little things.
And usually
I think it's called shirako.
And it's basically a testicle that you eat
and it explodes in your mouth. And it
Some people love it.
I'm not a big fan of it.
Okay, tell us about the weirdest venue
you have performed at.
It was in a place called Clackson.
And it was in an old bingo hall,
and there were maybe, like,
20 old women playing bingo.
And I rocked up
for the gig that I was booked for.
And they basically
stopped the bingo game.
Everyone was really annoyed
that the bingo was stopped.
-I sang a few songs, and then
-How old were you?
Sixteen, seventeen.
And they were all 60
and above, I'm sure.
Eighty and above.
Yeah, it was like
But it was very much like
I turned up and they were just like
"Who the hell is he and why is he here?"
Ed, the weirdest job you have done
before getting famous.
The only job I had was
I worked in a bar, cleaning cutlery.
I just would like
They'd bring in all the cutlery
from all the people that had eaten.
And then I'd wash it, dry it.
And that was it.
-That was it.
-Now look at yourself, man.
So proud of you.
-Thank you.
-So proud of you.
I have some very popular dialogues
from Bollywood movies.
-Cool.
-Will you try?
-Yeah.
-I will teach you.
"Maa ka doodh piya hai"
"Maa ka doodh piya hai"
"toh saamne aa."
-"toh saamne aa."
-Oh, wow!
You're so good, man!
"Pushpa! Jhukega nahi saala."
"Pushpa! Jhukega nahi saala."
"Jhukega nahi saala."
Superb, man!
Okay, this is a very popular dialogue.
You know him very well.
-Mr. Shah Rukh Khan.
-Yeah.
-"Bade-bade shehron mein"
-"Bade-bade shehron mein"
-"chhoti-chhoti baatein"
-"chhoti-chhoti baatein"
-"hoti rehti hain."
-"hoti rehti hain."
This is so fun, man. Thank you.
-Are you enjoying it, man?
-I'm loving it. Yeah.
Thank you.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Come on! Wow!
Come on!
Oh, yeah!
Ed Sheeran!
Ed Sheeran!
-Hi!
-How are you doing?
-Hi!
-How are you doing?
Good. How are you?
Diamond Raja.
-Nice to meet you.
-Diamond Raja.
-Chak-Chak Dhoom Orchestra's proprietor.
-Okay.
Yes.
-And she's Cotton Candy. My girlfriend.
-Cotton Candy!
-The lead dancer of the troupe.
-Cool.
-Yeah, thank you.
-We are also artists.
Can I wear your sunglasses?
-Expensive, it is.
-Yeah, yeah.
And the jacket.
Should I put the jacket on?
-You won't strip me naked, will you?
-Can I wear your jacket?
-Wear it, but 2000 rupees.
-Wow!
One, two, three!
Yeah!
Yeah, come on!
Okay.
Thank you.
Thanks for the jacket, man.
-It's pretty
-Now you are looking like a bat.
But
But in return,
you have to do me a favor.
Okay.
-Picture, please.
-Yes.
-Like this? Yeah.
-Yeah.
Just sit here. Sit here. Be comfortable.
-Comfy picture.
-Yeah, comfy.
-Natural picture. Come on, guys.
-Come on.
-Thank you.
-No problem.
Great jacket. Pretty cool.
I thought you had bought it and you would
give me 100 pounds, but okay.
Like you're an artist, I'm an artist too.
-Yeah.
-You know, you won four Grammys.
-Yeah.
-Wow!
Same here.
Why? Why are you lying?
-Lying?
-When did you win four Grammys?
I'm not talking about the Grammys.
I said, "Same hair."
-Look, same hair.
-Same hair!
Excuse me.
What are you guys doing here?
Oh, you are here!
What are you doing here, man?
I've seen you do good comedy.
You have a sense of humor.
Didn't you get a picture with him?
Tell me one thing. When is your due date?
Why are you concerned?
Are you the father of the child?
No, right? Then why are you
-Baby
-Yeah?
You also thinking the same
which I'm thinking?
No.
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
-Okay.
-Chak-Chak Dhoom Orchestra.
Let's give him a chance.
Ed, it's your lucky day today.
I feel worried.
What's what's happening?
We've selected you
to sing in our orchestra.
Okay.
We are doing a program
in Bikaner, Rajasthan.
So, you're hired.
-Hired?
-What kind of a concert is it?
It's for Lakhan Pal's birthday party,
a cake-cutting ceremony.
Lakhan Pal is Yash Raj's son.
-Okay.
-Yeah.
Can you please stop disturbing us
while the deal is happening?
So you will get 2200 rupees.
How much is that in pounds?
Wow! 2200 pounds?
-We have a budget, so we will pay.
-2200 rupees.
About 200
Twenty pounds you'll get!
-Yeah.
-Cool.
And travel,
also very good arrangement for you.
You will travel in a 3-tier AC train.
And your entourage will be
in the general class, but same train!
So, is the deal okay?
Can I say no?
-No, no.
-I mean, okay, yeah. Let's do it.
Tell him that he will get air money also.
-Air money?
-Yeah.
-What is air money?
-Air money.
See, what happens is that when I dance,
okay, so everyone flies money like this.
I see.
So, when money flies, it's air money.
Whoever catches it, it's their money.
Do you like it?
Do you like the deal?
I do. Yeah.
Okay, now,
I know you will be nervous.
This is a big program.
It's fine. Don't be nervous.
Do breathing.
And we will do the first act.
What?
So, you're the second act.
-By then, you will understand.
-Okay.
-We'll show you. Come on!
-Come on.
Come on, guys! Showtime!
-That's our
-Oh!
So, ladies and gentlemen!
You know, this is the first item,
which we will show you.
Normally, what people expect from us
is that they'll be rope and, you know,
a balancing act will happen.
-This girl will walk No!
-No.
This is a different act.
Guys! Like, he was
in Game of Thrones, right?
Yeah!
Now, we are presenting Game of Stones!
Okay.
So as you people must have seen
fire coming out of stones.
Here, he's going to create fire,
live, right in front of you!
Okay, Diamond Raja!
Fire! Fire! Fire!
Fire!
Fire!
Fire!
Ed, everybody, please hold your heart!
Hold your heart because this is the most
difficult thing now that we're presenting.
We've never done it
in the history of our shows.
So, are you guys ready for it?
Yes!
-Baby, I'm going to do it.
-Don't. Don't.
-It's very scary.
-Guess what I'm calling?
Are you talking about
the dinosaur?
Yes, she's right, everybody. A dinosaur.
Please switch off your phones, mobiles.
No videos, please, of this. Okay?
Dino, please come.
It will come.
It's coming.
It's coming.
Hold, hold, hold.
One minute.
It's coming.
-Really?
-Yeah.
Guys, the dinosaur is right here.
But the management is saying something,
that the dinosaur is not wearing
any clothes.
It's nude. Nudity is not allowed.
So, yeah
Bye, dinosaur. No problem.
Some other day, some other occasion.
Now, it's your turn.
Come on stage. Let's see.
Can I have a mic, please, guys?
-Okay.
-Okay, guys!
Ed Sheeran, for the first time,
for Chak-Chak Dhoom Orchestra.
Yeah!
Don't chase. I will get confused.
I was trying to harmonize.
It's here
Lakhan Pal's birthday is here
It's here
Lakhan Pal's birthday is here
Wow!
Okay.
Has come, has come, has come
Lakhan Pal's birthday has come
Has come, has come, has come
Lakhan Pal has come, has come
Lakhan Pal's birthday, birthday has come!
-Yeah.
-Lakhan Pal's birthday has come
Has come, has come, has come
Lakhan Pal's birthday has come
Has come, has come, has come
Lakhan Pal's birthday has come
Has come, has come, has come
Lakhan Pal's birthday has come
He ate cake, he ate barfi
He ate paneer pakoda
Okay, okay. One more time.
He ate cake, he ate barfi
He ate paneer pakoda
Eating cake, eating barfi
Paneer pakoda eating
Eating cake, eating barfi
Paneer pakoda eating
It's here
Lakhan Pal's birthday is here
Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
One more time.
It's here
Lakhan Pal's birthday is here
Okay?
So, this is the lock.
Let's lock the deal!
Okay, I'm in!
You are our
Chak-Chak Dhoom Orchestra's lead singer!
Thank you, guys! Thank you!
-See you.
-See you.
Come on, guys. Come on.
-Thank you, Ed. You're so supportive.
-This is
-Thank you.
-This is honestly
Like, I do these shows all around
the world. This is the craziest, most fun.
Yes!
-We're happy you liked it, Ed.
-It's so unique.
-It's so unique. It's great.
-Thank you.
Okay. Ed had tweeted something in 2011.
I want to show you guys.
Please have a look.
"Is there anyone near
the mad Ferret in Preston
that can give me a cup of tea
and a shower in return for a tune?"
-Yeah.
-Ed, what is the story behind this?
I needed a shower.
-Seriously?
-Yeah, I did.
I smelled quite bad.
Because I like
I was traveling all the time.
I didn't really have
I didn't really have money like that. So
But this was a point in my career
where people started to like my music,
but I hadn't made
any money from my music.
So, I was doing a small show.
And I said, "If there's anyone
who is coming to the show
that can give me a shower,
I'll play a song for you."
-How sweet!
-And I did. I remember that family.
It was like It was a girl
who was coming to the show,
and her brother and her mom,
and maybe like a couple of friends.
I went and sang my song, "The A Team."
Had a shower, and then I left.
It felt like a good trade.
Anyway, this is the past.
Now, please show the other picture.
Now, it's very difficult to get tickets
for your shows actually. Wow!
-Ed, we're really proud of you, man.
-Thank you.
Ed, you entertain millions of people.
You know, today,
especially for your entertainment,
we have called a special band.
So, this band's name
is Dharavi Reloaded band.
So this is India's unique
junk percussion band.
-If you allow, shall I call them?
-Yeah, I know these guys.
Please welcome Dharavi Reloaded band!
-Please, please.
-Wow!
What say you, Mumbai people?
Say it loudly! Say it wholeheartedly!
Say it with Dharavi!
Say it loudly! Say it wholeheartedly!
Say it with Dharavi!
-Say it with Dharavi!
-Say it with Dharavi!
Dance with Dharavi!
-Dance with Dharavi!
-Come on!
Say it loudly!
Say it wholeheartedly!
-Let's go!
-Wow!
Wow!
One, two, three!
How many of you want Kapil and Ed
to come and perform with all of us?
Can we please have you
on the stage, sir? Come on in!
Come, come, come.
-Give it up, guys! Come on!
-How's it going, man?
-How are you doing, man?
-This is for you.
One, two
One, two, three, four!
One, two, three, four!
A huge round of applause
for Dharavi Reloaded!
-Once more! Once more!
-Thank you, guys. Thank you so much.
You guys are amazing!
-Yes?
-You should thank me.
-You're with them?
-No, no. I arranged all this.
-Sir, hi.
-Hi.
I'm the pillar of this café.
The only pillar,
which is under construction.
I mean
Sir, actually, he's my friend.
So, he's just
-You know what
-Why are you disturbing me?
That's all the English I know.
Help me out.
What can I say to him in English
that will make him love me?
You say, "Sorry." He will love it.
You say, "I'm going." He will love it.
Why should I Did I deflate his
car tires? Why should I apologize?
Sir, I'm your big fan.
And I listen to all your songs in
This band is Dharavi Reloaded.
-Yeah.
-Let's play once again.
No!
What are you playing, bro?
Another huge round of applause
for Dharavi Reloaded!
And, of course,
for the one and only Ed Sheeran!
Ed, first of all,
thank you so much for coming here.
-Thank you.
-It's an honor to have you on our show.
I hope you liked our show.
Yeah, I loved it. Thank you.
So, whenever you come to India,
please, we would love
to host you again and again.
You're a rock star, man!
See you next Saturday only on Netflix.
The Great Indian Kapil Show!
Good night! Goodbye! Thank you!
A big round of applause
for Anil sir and Farah ma'am!
I have also done dance numbers with Anil.
But after seeing him dance,
I thought my career would end.
If you become Farah Khan for a day,
what would you like to do?
Main Hoon Na, Om Shanti Om.
-A commercial film.
-I want to make a commercial film.
What if you become Anil Kapoor
for a day, ma'am?
I have many films. She has just two.
There is a legendary story.
I don't know if it's true or not.
There were two directors. I think
Abbas-Mustan, or someone, came to him
and explained his role
where he had to play Sonam's father.
And Anil said, "What nonsense!
How can I be Sonam's father?"
Today, I have dressed up as Malaika.
She looks more like Arbaaz than Malaika.
Hey, she is amazing! This is superb!
You think you are their friend.
No, you are a product.
These two are raking in a fortune
from this show, you know?
Jhaapdi ke!