The Haunted Hathaways (2013) s01e08 Episode Script

How exciting is this? Taylor's birthday is tomorrow! Exactly.
So why are we talking about it today? Pssh! Maybe because it's the first birthday the Hathaways and Prestons will be celebrating together.
It's like we're becoming a normal family.
Has anyone seen my bottom? Yep.
Just like a normal family.
I was pretending to saw myself in half and my legs walked away.
Wait.
I know what to do.
Laundry room! I'm coming, lower Louie! Okay, lower Louie is not invited to Taylor's party.
Miles, there's something should know about Taylor and birthdays.
There's the birthday girl! She hates them.
Nobody hates birthdays.
Taylor does.
There was a Incident three years ago.
Mom, please don't.
You can't tell this story without having an emotional breakdown.
I can, and I will.
Ahem.
For years, Taylor had been begging to get a dog.
It was her only birthday wish.
So finally, when she turned ten I surprised her with a puppy.
Taylor opened the box, pulled out the dog, and started sneezing like a freak.
- She's allergic to dogs? - Big time.
Her arms puffed up, her face turned purple! But then she sneezed all over the cake.
We had to give the dog away.
Taylor spent the whole night crying.
Mama broke her heart! That's terrible.
But I refuse to let her walk around the rest of her life hating her birthday.
I'm gonna fix this.
Hey, bow tie We don't have to buy the girl presents.
Don't rock the boat.
But it just isn't right.
Neither is that.
What? Oh.
Heh! All the cool ghosts are wearing their legs backwards.
Deal with it.
If you move into a haunted house.
You gotta try to work things out.
So if you're living with a ghost or three.
You gotta be one big, semi scary family.
Don't know how we ended up this way.
But I guess you could call us The Haunted Hathaways.
The Haunted Hathaways.
The Haunted Hathaways.
The Haunted Hathaways.
- Morning, everyone.
- Happy Saturday, sweetheart.
What a normal day we are having, just like any other non-special day.
Good save.
Thank you.
Guys, I'm gonna be fine.
Just as long as no one brings it up.
Happy, Happy Birthday.
Happy, Happy Birthday.
Happy, Happy Birthday.
Woo! Miles heh what are you doing? Taylor, I know how you hate being reminded of your birthday Really? Because the bass drum is sending mixed signals.
It wasn't easy, but I figured out a way for you to enjoy your birthday again.
Replace a bad memory with a good one.
Voila! Aah! Miles, Taylor is allergic to dogs.
Yeah! She's gonna blow up like a walrus! That's just it.
I know Tay's allergic, which is why I got her A ghost dog! Whoa! Sweet! All the cuteness, none of the mucus! A ghost dog? Indeed, m'lady.
- He talks? - I do.
Sir Wagsworth Barksalot the third at your service.
Oh, my gosh.
I can finally have a dog.
Miles, this is the best present ever.
Aw! I'm gonna call you Wags.
You are adorable.
- You are.
- So, what do you think? - Birthday party tonight? - Absolutely.
Wags, you want to come to my party? Are you kidding? I'm ready to raise the woof! Hey, guys aah! Who let that thing in here? He's my new dog, Wags.
Ray, are you afraid of dogs? Uh heh! Of course not.
Dogs are nifty.
Ooh, I like you.
How about a nice belly scratch? I'd love to but I'm late for practice.
Thank you, Miles.
Wags has made my day.
My year.
I'm just happy to be wanted.
Aw! Mom, you know what's not fair? That Taylor has a pet and you don't? - Wow.
You're good.
- Hmm.
I had a whole argument here.
So, let's cut to the chase.
When am I getting my giraffe? You're not getting a giraffe.
Mom, they make the perfect pet.
Frankie, your track record with taking care of pets is not so hot.
Remember Sammy the salamander? - No.
- Bottom of my shoe does.
Look, I had a feeling this conversation was coming, which is why I got you this.
An electronic taco? This is Clamby.
He's a digital pet clam.
If you're responsible enough to take care of him, then we can talk about something else.
I'm hungry! You're up.
Ooh, yummy! Thank you.
Aw, Clamby, you're welcome.
You're kind of cute.
Nice pet.
Not.
What's your problem? Do you know how much work that thing's gonna be? "Feed me!" "Burp me!" Spare me.
I'm looking forward to it.
Not me.
No silly pet could ever tie me down.
I like to keep it real.
Be my own man.
Free to come and go as I please.
Louie! Get your butt up here! You have stuff to put away! And I please to go to the attic right now.
Party planner of the year? This is oh! This is so unexpected.
Miles, Wags and I have been having the best day.
Shopping, talking, shopping, walking, shopping.
And what was the last thing? Oh, yeah, shopping.
Fun times, fun times.
Don't you love the way Wags talks? And he's a great listener.
He can't get enough of my gymnastics stories.
Like the one where I took State in floor exercise after nailing my Jump bent handstand.
Jinx! Buy me a soda! We play that game a lot.
Miles, you've gone all out.
Look at this place.
Ah, please.
It's not like I deserve an award or anything.
Unless you insist.
Here's a phone number to a place.
- You're hilarious.
- Yes.
I was totally joking.
Oh, Wags! We should try on that Beret I bought you.
It's going to look super cute.
Where'd I put that? - I'll help you look.
- Be right back, Wags.
I'll be waiting.
A Beret? Are you kidding me? Do I look like a French Poodle? Yap, yap, yap! You don't know how lucky you are, ya dumb bird.
Teenage girls are unbearable! Malls, boys, gymnastics.
I can't take it anymore! Oh, yeah, and here's what I think about this house.
Oh, yeah.
That's the spot, yeah.
Uh-oh.
- Change me.
- My pleasure.
Wash me! There there.
Love me.
Try and stop me.
Did I hear that adorable little dog? Nope.
It's just my sweet Clamby.
Oh.
Too bad.
I want to say hi to the little fella.
Aah! Is that Mailman ever gonna come? Why? Is he delivering your courage? Mmm.
Look at you, Frankie.
You're super Mom.
Heh.
Wonder who you get that from? Oh, my gosh! I totally forgot you have a Doctor's appointment.
We need to hustle.
- But I didn't eat lunch yet.
- I got a breath mint in my purse.
Ray, door, please! Make way for super Mom! Feed me! Someone say something? Feed me! Oh, man, that stupid clam.
Where's Frankie? Know what? Not my problem.
I'm a lone cowboy.
Feed me! Feed me! Feed me! Feed me! Feed me! Seriously? Fine! If it shuts you up.
Thank you, Mama.
I am not your Mama.
Sing to me, Mama.
Oh, you've gotta be kidding me.
I'm not singing to a clam.
I don't care how cute your voice is.
Not happening! Lullaby And good night.
Go to sleep, my sweet Clamby.
Oh! Wags, what is going on? Oh, my! Look who's carrying off a smashing bowtie.
Oh.
Heh! Thanks.
It's one of my Wait.
Drop the act.
I heard what you said to the peacock.
Fine.
You got me.
I needed a place to crash.
You needed a dog.
- Everyone's happy.
- Tsk.
Happy? I never would've given you to Taylor if I had known you were a jerk.
Uh, duh! Whoa, whoa, there she is.
- Hey, guys! - Goodness! Are you back with my adorable cap already? You have to wear this tonight.
It totally matches my dress.
Twinsies! Oh.
Great, Wags is here.
Hey, guys.
Ray, just admit you're scared of dogs.
It's nothing to be ashamed of.
Scared? If I was scared, would I put a hat on one? Give me.
Here you go.
Good boy.
This is fun.
I saw teeth! No, not scared at all.
Let's put your hat on in my room, Wags.
And guess what? I wanted to wait and surprise you But I also bought you a matching turtleneck! Dreams do come true.
Be there right after I use the little pup's room.
Great.
See you in a minute.
Miles, it's been a really long time since I've been able to look forward to a birthday party.
I owe it all to you.
Thanks.
Aw! That was sweet.
All right, I'm outta here.
What? I'm done.
I can't take it anymore.
You can't leave.
It'll ruin her birthday.
That's your problem, Jack.
Here, something to remember me by.
So, Taylor, there's something I need to tell you about Wags.
- What about Wags? - Taylor! Oh oh, my gosh.
You look amazing.
Thanks.
I'm just so excited.
This is the first time I've celebrated my birthday in three years.
Where's Wags? Uh, the thing is, uh He kinda left What? To get you a gift.
Oh, my God.
Don't scare me like that.
He's getting me a gift? Isn't he just the sweetest dog ever? He's something.
But let's remember, Taylor, he's not the only pet in the house you can fall in love with.
What are you talking about? Uh, how about Toby? The peacock? He's pretty lovable too.
He's a fake stuffed bird.
That raps.
My name is Toby.
How do you do? I like to rap and my feathers are blue.
Word.
Second verse same as the first Taylor? Taylor? Good job, Toby.
Clamby, I'm home.
I'll give you dinner in a minute.
You would not believe the day I had.
Well, well Well.
Look who finally decided to act like a caring parent.
What are you talking about? I'm talking about you abandoning Clamby for the better part of the afternoon.
Sorry.
Jeez.
"Sorry" doesn't dry the tears of a lonely clam.
Hey, I'm doing the best I can.
You think it's easy taking care of him all by myself? You taking care of him? I'm the one feeding and changing him while you're out doing who knows what! I had a Doctor's appointment.
It was important.
And raising our clam isn't? Our clam? Hey, wasn't it cute when he burped for the first time? Oh, that's right.
You weren't around! My clam.
Miles, I can't help you.
I have a lot on my plate right now.
You don't know what it's like to have kids.
You have to do this for me.
I'm not gonna turn myself into the form of a dog and show up to Taylor's party.
Not just any dog.
You have to pretend to be Wags.
- No.
- I'll give you 40 bucks.
Hello, Guv'nor.
How you like me now? What is that? I said a dog! Huh? Oh, man! You're still gonna pay me, right? That money was for Clamby's college fund.
Guys, my party's starting.
- Is Wags up there? - Uh, he's right here.
Be down in a sec.
Well, I have no choice.
What do you think? Can I fool her? You look stupid.
I'm out of here.
Happy Birthday.
A stale doughnut? Or a fun coaster.
And by the way, I look forward To spending a relaxing evening in your presence.
Because I fear no beast.
No beast.
I should hope not, dad uh, kind Sir.
Wow.
This book really works.
Look, everybody, I'm pettin' a dog.
Tomorrow I take on clowns Which don't keep me up at night at all.
- What's keeping Miles? - Oh.
Uh, he'll be along any sec.
I'm sure he'd want you to keep going.
Pip, pip.
Cheese and crackers.
Strawberry fields forever.
No way.
He's the one who planned this whole thing.
I'm going to wait.
Fine.
I'll check on the old boy, shall I? Let's all sit for dinner.
Burp me.
No, I'm coming, Clamby.
I'm coming, Clamby.
- He wants his pops.
- He needs his mother.
- No! - My baby! Just to clarify that's a plastic clam, right? Louie broke my baby.
Me? I was just doing my duty.
Excuse me for being the hands-on parent.
Wow.
You two really care about Clamby.
It's sweet And a little weird.
Fix me.
Do something, Granny.
Don't worry.
We'll get him some first aid.
And never call me Granny.
There's the birthday girl.
Ooh, Miles, just in time for the toast.
- To my lovely daughter, who - Oh, wait.
We need Wags here.
Oh, uh, Wags said to start without him.
Because he's checking on the roast.
- It's on the table.
I'll go get him.
- Stop! I got this.
Smashing, splendid, fish and chips.
What did I miss? - Great.
And now we need Miles.
- He's right behind you.
- Yep, we're all here.
- Yay.
Yes, we are.
By the way, Miles, have I complimented your fab bow tie? Aw.
Isn't he a charmer? He sure is.
And very British.
I'm glad you're both getting along.
Yeah, I feel like I've known Wags forever.
And I feel the same way about Miles.
God save the Queen.
Son, what are you doing? Son? What's this poppycock? Oh.
Uh, present time.
How fun are birthdays? Whoa! Whoa.
- Uh, Miles - Huh? What's with the tail? Aah! Oh, aah.
Gotcha with the old birthday dog tail trick thing.
Uh, I'll go find Wags.
Think, think, think.
Oh, no, Taylor.
Uh, you're just in time, because Wags is trapped in the elevator.
Ghosts can't get trapped in elevators.
So he's lying? Miles! I know you were pretending to be Wags.
What's going on? Fine.
I got you the worst present ever.
It turns out Wags was a real jerk.
- He left.
- He left? Without saying good-bye? He was a bad dog.
I should've told you sooner but, I got so caught up in trying to give you the perfect birthday I ended up ruining another one.
Miles, you didn't ruin anything.
- I didn't? - No.
If it wasn't for you, I would've spent my birthday alone in my room, doing homework.
But instead, I went shopping, got a new dress, celebrated with my family.
Huh.
I guess you did do all that stuff, didn't you? And, I got to see you with a tail, which is incredibly cute, by the way.
Oh! Thanks, Miles.
Happy Birthday, Taylor.
Taylor Louie and I have come to a joint decision.
Since you lost your pet, we want you to have Clamby.
Thank you? Be good to him.
Support the head.
Support the head! He's kinda cute.
Forget it, I can't do this.
I'll buy you a goldfish.
Daddy's back!