The Lone Gunmen s01e08 Episode Script

Maximum Byers

[Frohike On Device.]
Langly, you in position? You kidding? I've been waiting half my life for this.
- You read me, Frohike? - [Emcee.]
Let's have a big round of applause - for the King Neptune Dancers.
- Frohike, you there? Man, oh, man, if I wasn't workin' Forget the chicks, Frohike.
The King has left the throne.
- [Emcee.]
Ladies and gentlemen, Sun Holiday Cruise Lines - Showtime.
is proud to present the greatest rock and roll star of all time.
Born into humble surroundings in Tupelo, Mississippi his gyrating hips changed the course of music and his thrilling voice made him known and loved the world over.
He has sold over one billion records making him the biggest-selling solo artist in history.
Sorry, Mr.
Presley.
[Emcee.]
Fifty-thousand fans can't be wrong.
Ladies and gentlemen, the King himself - Mr.
Elvis Presley! - (music) (music) [Band: Rockabilly Vamp.]
- (music) [Continues.]
- [Applause.]
(music) [Singing Rockabilly.]
- (music) [Continues.]
- (music) [Clapping Rhythmically.]
Is it him? Is it really him? We're running his prints now.
[Laptop Beeps.]
- (music) (music) [Band Continues.]
- Frohike, what's goin' on? I hate to tell you this, bud.
Ain't no way this is the King.
- How can you be sure? - Well, other people might have a reason - to go on the lam as Elvis, other than the real Elvis.
- Then who the hell is he? "Thomas Eames.
Wanted for wire fraud and embezzlement.
" [Both.]
Jimmy! - (music) [Band Ends.]
- [Applause.]
- U.
S.
marshals.
- [Applause Continues.]
[As Elvis.]
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
I gotta say might not have turned out like we'd hoped, but the King would've been proud.
- Take that stupid thing off! - I kinda like it.
You're rubbing my nose in defeat.
Take it off.
Langly, we all thought we were onto something.
On paper, this man Eames looks like the real Elvis.
Same birthday, same birthplace, same height and blood type.
It could've been him, hiding in plain sight, doing what he does best.
You know, call me crazy, but I'm startin' to think that maybe Elvis is really dead.
[Doorbell Buzzes.]
Seriously, man, take it off.
[No Audible Dialogue.]
- Can I help you? - Melvin? It's Alberta Pfeiffer.
Do I know you? It's just like I pictured it.
[Gasps.]
Oh.
And there's Richard.
"Ringo.
" Though I wish you'd cut your hair.
And you must be the new one Jimmy.
I love your smile.
But, John your words have stirred my soul so principled, so strong.
- You're one of our readers? - From the first issue, twelve years ago.
Haven't missed one since, which is why I've come to you.
As a last resort, believe me.
Mrs.
Pfeiffer's son, Douglas, is on death row in Texas awaiting execution.
I'm his attorney, Jeremy Wash.
He stands convicted of murder.
He's not guilty.
I know every mother says that about her outlaw son, but in this case it's true.
And you want us to prove it.
I want you to talk to him, but that's asking a lot.
Lately Douglas refuses to talk to anyone, even me.
I can't get in.
The only person he'll have a visit with is Jeremy here.
We have several steps left in the appeals process, but, uh, Doug wants to streamline things.
He won't say why, but he's pushing for an execution date.
One could be set as early as next week.
Eighteen months ago he pleaded not guilty.
He fought his conviction tooth and nail and now he says he wants to die and he won't explain it to anybody.
There's some sort of conspiracy here.
Some sort of [Sobs.]
I don't know what.
But, John, if anybody can figure it out it's you four.
[Whimpering.]
[Sobbing.]
- [Door Opens, Shuts.]
- What are we gonna do? - Well, not a whole hell of a lot.
- What? Hey, we can hack into the police record.
We can read the trial transcripts but we're not talkin' to Mr.
Pfeiffer if he doesn't wanna talk to us.
But guys, his mom.
Come on.
Jimmy, I'm not confident you're aware of this but you can't just walk into a penitentiary.
- The A-Team did.
- Nah, oh, God, Here we go.
The A-Team snuck into this prison, dressed up like inmates and then busted the guy out who was wrongfully accused.
I mean, yeah, I know it's a TVshow and all, but the theory is sound.
Jimmy, every half-baked TVseries that runs out of ideas in the fourth or fifth season does their "sneak into prison dressed as an inmate" show.
- What does that have to do with what we're talkin' about here? - Not one of us would last ten seconds inside a prison.
Jefferson said "Better 100 guilty men go free, than one innocent man be condemned.
" [Snaps Finger.]
TheJeffersons.
I think they did it on that show too.
I think, maybe, we could do it.
I think it's worth a try.
We defend the defenseless.
I don't see any other way.
- You ready for this? - Are you? We're runnin' outta time.
Can you get 'em in or not? I can get 'em in.
Ask me if I can get 'em out.
Where'd you all come from? "Wesley" and "Dillinger.
" Well, Dillinger, you got the right name for where you're goin'.
(music) [Rock And Roll.]
(music) [Man Singing.]
(music) [Continues.]
(music) [Electric Guitar.]
[Gasps.]
(music) [Continues.]
Eyeballs forward.
- (music) [Fades.]
- "9990713.
" - [Buzzer Sounds.]
- [Motor Whirring.]
I am Sergeant Runselhoff.
You are on "G" Wing, Ad Seg Administrative Segregation.
Here you will spend your first six months.
This is your inmate orientation handbook.
Do not lose it.
Do not trade it.
Read it cover to cover.
- [Buzzer Sounds, Distant.]
- It spells out all the rules.
Follow the rules, and there will be privileges.
Break the rules, and I promise you, it only gets worse from here.
[Guard.]
Step back.
- Lock 'em down.
- [Buzzer.]
- [Motor Whirring.]
- [Whirring Stops.]
- Give me your hands.
- [Jimmy.]
You okay? - Yeah.
It's not like on TV.
[Man.]
Jiminy! Jiminy.
[Kissing.]
Jiminy, where'd you go? [Mutters, Indistinct.]
Jiminy, you come back here, Jiminy Cricket.
Scuse me.
Cell 10? - Scuse me.
- Jimmy.
Um, that man next to you is trying to get his cricket back.
- It's right in front of your cell.
- Jimmy, it's a cockroach.
Sir? - [Sizzles.]
- [Mutters.]
Jimmy, don't lose sight of why we're here.
I know.
Douglas Pfeiffer.
No innocent man should be in this place.
Ah, this is pointless.
- Place is obviously gutted.
- How was I supposed to know it's out of business? We're here, so let's check it out.
[Lock Rattling.]
What are you doin' there? - [Lock Rattles.]
- [Clears Throat.]
Um - We're, um - We, uh We came for, uh, some burgers - uh, but obviously the restaurant's closed, so - Well, I'm callin' the police.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on a minute.
Uh, we're investigative reporters.
This place is the scene of a murder a couple of years ago? - [Langly.]
The man who was convicted is on death row.
- [Beep Tone.]
Um, we think he might be innocent.
The hell he is! Uh, Pfeiffer wasn't that his name? - You're familiar with the case? - Oh, yeah.
I run the glass shop two doors down.
Old Wally was a sweetheart.
I guarantee you he gave that guy Pfeiffer every dollar in the drawer without a peep.
Bastard shot him anyway.
Still, how you know it was Pfeiffer? Because I saw him! Thank God for Wally's silent alarm, because we hear the cops comin' and he runs off.
But I saw his face, as plain as day.
You take my word for it.
Pfeiffer is absolutely a murderer and he killed a good man.
You guys are barkin' up the wrong tree.
[Soft Rustling.]
[Inmate.]
Here you go, Jiminy.
Yeah.
Take it.
Yeah, yeah.
[Chuckles.]
Good Jiminy.
Good.
Good Jiminy Cricket.
Yeah.
Here ya go, man.
Come on back here and eat this.
Come on.
Eat it up.
Eat it up, Jiminy.
Yeah.
[Chuckling.]
Hey.
There's a man in here named Douglas Pfeiffer.
You know him? - [Containers Rattling.]
- [Wheels Rolling, Approaching.]
Lowry ain't gonna say jack, man.
He don't talk.
He don't? [Sputtering.]
H-H-He doesn't? He got him a sissy-ass lisp.
Sound like a little bitch when he talk.
"Thound" like "thith.
" Don't you ever mention it.
Uh, wait.
Douglas Pfeiffer do you know where he is? Infirmary.
Goon squad cold-kicked him good.
Patchin' him up now so they can send him back to the death house.
- [Wheels Rolling, Departing.]
- Infirmary.
Byers and Jimmy on death row.
It's their idea - Jimmy's, sorta.
- Yeah.
It's not like we're in love with it.
And here I thought Byers was the smart one.
Did it ever occur to any of you to pose as prison guards or attorneys or official visitors from the governor's office? - That's not how they did it on The A-Team.
- [Scoffs.]
We need you to go in there, Yves, as a visitor.
- Oh, please.
- We need you to slip something to Byers so we can talk to him.
- You can talk to him yourselves.
- We tried that.
- We went in posing as Byers's brothers.
- Yeah, and the dumb brother there got caught in the pat-down with this.
I forgot I had it on me.
As soon as I said the word "FireWire" they think it's like explosives or somethin', the Philistines.
Needless to say, we're on their doo-doo list, plus now they're gonna keep an eye on anyone coming to see Byers.
But notJimmy.
Plus, you got your you knowyour [Sputters.]
Feminine wiles, as it were.
- Can't you just fake an injury? - The doctors would know.
Well, then can't you just fall down or kick the bars really hard or If I injure myself, they mayjust send me for psychological counseling.
Jimmy, I'll be the first to admit, this isn't the world's smartest plan but I have to get into that infirmary.
Any fight I get myself into, I'll make sure there's a guard nearby who can stop it.
- But Let me do it instead.
- [Door Buzzes Open, Distant.]
No offense, Byers, but you're not the fighting type.
- I won't have to be.
- [Door Shuts.]
[Footsteps Approaching.]
Give me your hands.
[Handcuffs Rattling, Ratcheting.]
- [Guard.]
Fall out.
Recreation.
- [Buzzer Sounds.]
He's my bitch, Lowry! Mess with him, you gotta go through me! [High Voice.]
Okay.
Thanks, Jimmy.
[Door Buzzes Shut.]
[Grunting Quietly.]
[Continues Grunting.]
[Imitating Lisp.]
"Tho," Lowry think it'll "thnow"? What? I "thaid," think it'll "thnow"? "Whath's" your "besth guessth"? You laughing at me? [Fence Clatters.]
[Crowd Murmuring Quietly.]
Hi.
"Sthill" mad? [Lisping.]
I'm gonna mess you up good.
So "thensitive.
" Hey, here's your chance.
- [Yells.]
- [Byers Yelping.]
- I'll kill ya with my chance.
- [Grunting.]
Some moron gets his self locked up in here with that waitin' for him on the outside? [Straining, Choking.]
[Lowry Growls.]
[Lowry Roars.]
- [Door Shuts.]
- Give me your hands.
Where's John? - Infirmary.
- [Cuffs Ratcheting.]
- You got a visitor.
- [Door Buzzes Open.]
[Southern Accent.]
Hey, baby.
You got a kiss for your wife? How you holdin' up in here? Well, you know, can't complain.
Oh, I miss you, baby.
Yeah? Oh.
Yeah.
I miss you too 'cause you're my wife and all.
I mean, why wouldn't I miss my wife? God.
I miss when we make love for, like, hours and hours, and I miss your secret touch and[Chuckles.]
I miss your - Well, of course I miss your - Cheetos? How 'bout I buy you some Cheetos? [Chuckles.]
- [Motor Whirring.]
- [Package Drops.]
Sir, would you please give these to my husband? [Footsteps Approaching.]
So, how are the kids: little, uh, JimmyJunior and Peebo? Does Peebo still have that, uh, weird thing with his nose? No.
Peebo is well.
Thanks, baby.
Aw, I like the puffy kind, not the crunchy.
B-But, y-you know, whatever.
Maybe I can trade it for somethin'.
No.
Honey? You keep those yourself.
You keep those, and you think of me.
Hey, uh, what are the chances of us gettin' a conjugal visit? [Door Buzzes Open.]
[Strains.]
Douglas Pfeiffer.
I recognize you from your mug shots.
The guards really worked you over, huh? Douglas, I'm here at the request of your mother.
She says you've been wrongly convicted, and yet you're pressing for an execution date.
To me that doesn't make sense.
Sounds like you're doing it against your will.
I'm an investigative reporter.
I wanna help you if you'll let me.
Your mother wanted me to know about your request to stop your appeals about wanting to die.
I know you love her very much, Douglas.
I know you don't want to go out like this.
You'll break her heart.
If you ever say anything about this again to me or anyone else I'll cut your throat.
That's a good boy, Jiminy.
Good boy.
[Static Burst.]
Toy surprise.
Hmm.
- That's Jiminy, huh? - Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but if the first one is Jiminy how is it that that one's Jiminy too? Maybe it is the sameJiminy.
Looks like him to me.
Hmm.
But the first one is dead.
That's if you believe things really die.
I don't.
I think we just take a trip and come back.
Maybe we learn something and move on, maybe we don't.
Old Jiminy here, he didn't learn a damn thing.
Maybe next time.
[Chuckles.]
Mm-hmm.
Hey, Spike.
What are ya in for? Murder.
- Have you contacted Jimmy? - Well, we were just about to do that when we got sidetracked.
Mark my words: ifTexas doesn't execute him, I will.
- What's so interesting? - Mr.
Pfeiffer's finances.
Twenty-six thousand in savings.
And yet he robs a two-bit hamburger joint for a hundred and thirty-eight bucks in cash.
- Why bother? - Unless it wasn't a robbery just meant to look like one.
- A contract killing? Who paid for it? - That's where it gets tricky.
I back-traced the deposits through three separate shells to arrive at one Brazos Holding.
The same Brazos Holding that now owns the restaurant that Pfeiffer robbed.
They've been buyin' up most of that downtown area, which tells me someone's making an old-fashioned Texas land grab - and isn't above killing to do it.
- [Keystrokes.]
So who is behind Brazos Holding? [Langly.]
Well, drumroll, please.
- Jeremy Wash.
Pfeiffer's lawyer.
- [Exhales.]
[Static.]
Jimmy.
Jimmy, are you receiving? - Readin' you loud and clear.
This thing rocks.
- Yeah, yeah.
Now, Yves said you told her that Byers got into a fight.
Yeah, but on purpose.
Byers had to get into the infirmary where Pfeiffer is so that he could talk to him.
Oh, man.
You gotta get word to him, Jimmy.
He's barkin' up the wrong tree.
You two are tryin' to save the wrong man.
Pfeiffer is guilty.
No matter what his mother says, he's a killer for hire.
No.
No way.
Come on.
It's true, Jimmy.
And his own lawyer's behind it all.
- Oh, Mr.
Wash? - [Langly.]
Yeah.
He's got plans for a big high-rise development.
A key landowner wouldn't sell, so he paid Pfeiffer to have him murdered.
- W-Wait.
So why would Wash want us talkin' to Pfeiffer? - I'm sure he doesn't.
But he's gotta go through the motions.
He's supposed to be defending his client, right? I'm sure he never dreamed we'd actually get you guys in there.
[Frohike.]
Now, here's the thing, man.
Pfeiffer may not be innocent, but there's a guy in there who is: a prisoner by the name of Wallace Crendall Atherton.
- Yeah? - [Frohike.]
We think Wash framed Atherton for the murder of another shopkeeper who wouldn't sell a mechanic by the name of Michael Cueley.
- [Langly.]
But Atherton is innocent.
- Which cell's he in? Tollin! - Your shadow's in my house.
- [Beeps.]
Get your shadow outta my house.
Shut the hell up, Atherton.
Go play with your bugs.
[Footsteps Departing.]
- [Door Buzzes Open.]
- Thanks [Door Shuts.]
Wallace Crendall Atherton.
- [Phone Rings, Distant.]
- Fella.
I'm healin' up good.
Tomorrow they'll put me on death watch, and 36 hours after that It doesn't have to be that way, Mr.
Pfeiffer.
My friends and I wanna help you.
Why? Like I said before, your mother told us all about you.
Yeah.
I'd do anything for my mom.
You're right about that.
Mr.
Pfeiffer, about the murder you were convicted of I still got nothin' to say.
- [Hits Desk.]
- This Atherton guy was at the wrong place at the wrong time that's for sure.
Wash destroyed any piece of evidence that might prove his innocence.
- We got squat that'll save him.
- Byers has to get a confession out of Pfeiffer.
- It's the only way.
- [Knocking.]
- That's Yves.
What I wanna know, what does Wash have over Pfeiffer that Pfeiffer won't rat him out? Uh, Mr.
Wash.
[Clears Throat.]
Uh, Langly, Wash is here.
Have you learned anything? - [Door Shuts.]
- Um, learned anything? Um, no.
Nada.
Sorry.
- Where are your two friends? - [Paper Rustling.]
He's out getting his beard trimmed the one with the beard and then the other one is helping him.
[Rapping On Glass.]
[Rapping Longer.]
- [Banging On Glass.]
- Aren't you going to get that? What? Oh, the door.
Uh, yeah, sure.
Why not? [Banging Louder And Longer.]
You know how you owed me before? Now you really, really owe me.
- I'm taking these clothes off and burning them.
- Hi.
I'm Jeremy Wash.
Sorry to interrupt.
You were saying? - They "owe" you? - Uh, I owe her.
She's agreed to marry me.
I mean, can you believe it? - Heh.
- [Chuckles.]
Wow.
No.
Yeah, we're goin' to Vegas tonight.
Give us a kiss, sweet cheeks.
Of course, toad boy.
Hmm.
Well, happy nuptials.
I just wanted you to know that Doug's execution is going forward.
Day after tomorrow.
I have to break the news to Mrs.
Pfeiffer unless you can offer us any hope? [No Audible Dialogue.]
Well, thanks for your efforts.
Yeah.
Yeah, you bet.
[Sighs.]
- "Toad boy"? - "Sweet cheeks"? - So, what did you get? - I convinced this lonely credit union manager to let me peruse through his Stone Age, non-computerized files.
Wash has been making deposits to Mrs.
Pfeiffer's account ever since her son's conviction.
Hmm.
Explains why Pfeiffer won't talk.
Yeah, he gets the death penalty whether he rats out Wash or not.
Wash can help his mother or harm her.
If Pfeiffer goes quietly, she'll be taken care of.
- And meanwhile, this Atherton guy - Yeah, an innocent man he's gonna die.
[Langly.]
We can't let this happen.
We gotta get the poop on this lawyer Wash.
[Frohike.]
The key is Pfeiffer.
Jimmy's got to get a message to Byers.
His name is John.
He's in the infirmary.
You'll get it to him? Yeah.
Sure.
- [Sniffles.]
You sure you can trust him? - [Door Buzzer, Distant.]
I gotta trust people till they prove to me I can't.
Hmm.
- Spike? - Mm-hmm? What if somebody knew you were innocent? 'Cause you are innocent, right? You, me and God know it.
Right.
Let's say this somebody and his friends find a way to prove it and get you out.
[Chuckling.]
That ain't gonna happen.
Huh.
But what would you do, I mean, if you were a free man? [Sighs.]
Well, sir [Exhales.]
first I would shake the hands of the men that set me free and thank 'em with all my heart.
And never again would I squander a moment of precious time on Earth that God has given us.
Hmm.
And I would devote myself to realizing [Breathing Shakily.]
hmm my lifelong dream.
What's that dream? Carin' for those that can't care for themselves to end the mistreatment of the most mistreated of all God's creatures.
You mean the poor? I mean cockroaches.
Cockroaches? [Crowd Murmuring Quietly.]
[Lisping.]
So, talk.
Pfeiffer's being transferred to death watch tomorrow morning.
So? You're gonna make sure he never gets there.
- Well? - Nothing.
- Gave the guy the note like six hours ago.
- What guy? The trustee.
He promised he'd give it to Byers.
Oh, yeah.
Like that's gonna work.
We got less than eight hours before Pfeiffer gets transferred outta there.
- Eight hours and we'll never talk to him again.
- [Sighs.]
I'm sorry, guys.
What are we gonna do? We're gonna save your butt.
Later.
So, how am I lookin' there, Doc healthy enough to kill? Please, Mr.
Pfeiffer, you're running out of time.
- They're about to transfer you out ofhere.
- Prisoner got any smokes? No.
[Sighs.]
Take it anyway.
Pfeiffer, it's time to go.
Put your whites on.
- [Buzzer Sounds.]
- [Door Opens.]
You did it.
Yeah, I did it.
I'm not who my mom thinks I am.
No.
But you could still be.
Tell the truth.
Tell the truth before it's too late.
[Yells.]
[Continues Yelling, Straining.]
Get Pfeiffer outta here.
[Breathing Heavily.]
- Wesley, you're comin' with me.
- [Buzzer Sounds.]
- Inmate 9990962.
- Uh, yeah, I think so.
- Hands.
- There was a problem with your transfer order.
- [Handcuffs Ratcheting.]
- I think you and I both know what it was.
- Open number seven.
- [Buzzer Sounds.]
[Runselhoff.]
Step out.
Sergeant Runselhoff, that man is innocent.
He is not a murderer.
- [Tollin.]
Go on.
- He didn't do it.
- Don't make me leave without my friends.
- Son, this isn't a place for you.
You should've spoken up a long time ago.
Officers, sign for the prisoner.
- What'd you tell 'em? - Computers told them, not us.
You were sent to the wrong prison.
You're a Peeping Tom, not a killer.
A Peeping Tom? - What about Byers? - Right here, Jimmy.
[Sighs.]
Pfeiffer? Let's go home, boys.
Sergeant, I've been waiting 40 minutes and I feel like you people are giving me the runaround.
- D-Did something happen to my client? - Yes, sir.
- An inmate attacked him in the infirmary.
- Oh, God.
He's He's not Dead? Oh, no, sir.
He's fine.
Good.
Uh, so the transfer is going to proceed.
Your client's not bein' transferred anywhere not yet.
What are you talking about? Doug.
You're fired.
Mr.
Pfeiffer just implicated you in the murders of Wally Spinela and Michael Cueley.
You sent Lowry after me? Couldn't wait another 36 hours for me to die, you son of a bitch.
There's a couple of gentlemen here who are gonna wanna talk to you.
Rangers? (music) [Rock And Roll.]
- (music) [Continues.]
- [Handcuffs Ratcheting.]
(music) [Man Singing.]
(music) [Continues.]
(music) [Continues.]
(music) [Electric Guitar.]
- (music) [Ends.]
- [Buzzer Sounds.]
As of 12: 01 a.
m.
, Douglas Robert Pfeiffer is dead.
[Crowd Chattering Softly.]
Mrs.
Pfeiffer.
[Sobbing.]
I know how you feel.
But I gotta figure, it's like Spike and his cockroaches.
- Jimmy - Maybe we don't so much die as learn something and then move on.
[Child.]
I made this.

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