The Mayor (2017) s01e08 Episode Script
Monuments Man
1 Let's have some fun, yow! [LAUGHTER.]
This is exactly what I need! A little music, a lot of drink, and best of all? I get to leave "the mayor" at the door.
It's just so great to blow off some steam after work.
We should make this a tradition Tito's every Tuesday! - Uh, yeah yes a new tradition.
- Yep.
Us at Tito's on Tuesdays, starting tonight.
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Tuesday nights at Tito's! This is my favorite tradition.
- Starting right now, and never before.
- Hm? [GASPS.]
Remember that first time you were up on that stage? You were so nervous.
I don't know why.
It was just me, T.
K.
, and Jermaine.
And And the the bartenders.
- There was about two or three of them.
- There weren't no bartenders.
You had your first performance here? - That's so cute! - Uhh - Uh, "lit"? - No - "Rad"? - Whoa.
- "Dope"? - No.
- "Gangsta.
" - Hell no.
Attention, everyone.
Val has discovered Urban Dictionary.
Okay, all right.
This is a hip-hop temple.
Legends performed here before they were legends.
- Mac Dre, Tupac - Yes.
Whoo! even MC Hammer.
Ain't too legit to love him.
Hey! Hammer! [CHUCKLES.]
Don't mind me.
I'm just making a VIP lounge for His Honor.
ALL: Titoooo! Tito, I was just saying how much your place means to me.
You let me find my voice here and let me work through a very awkward ska phase.
Tito, I absolutely adore your establishment.
Great! Would you like to buy some chairs? I'm sorry? Or some stage lights or some beer taps? It's all got to go.
Oh, like a remodel? Well, if you're taking suggestions, no more carpet in the greenroom.
That thing got stains on it I don't need explained to me.
No, man.
Costs are going up, rents are going up.
Business is down.
I can't afford it anymore.
Got to close up shop.
- Tito! - What?! No.
What kind of car did you come in? I got a dance floor you can take home real cheap.
This is so upsetting.
I mean, we came in an El Camino.
Do you think the dance floor folds up, or? DINA: T.
K.
! I told you guys cocktail, water, cocktail, water, jumping jacks, ibuprofen, sleep.
Never had a hangover in my life.
Why would you avoid a hangover? It's, like, the one time bacon cheeseburgers are medically prescribed.
I still can't believe it's over for Tito's.
And not because of the undocumented kitchen staff.
I know.
I mean, there's just something special about Tito's.
You know, it's like home.
What? You've been there once.
Guys, we got to save Tito's.
We need to make Tito's a bunch of money fast.
All right.
Fire up the idea factory.
What really rallies people? The death of a beloved celebrity.
Why is that always your first thought? Because statistically, a celebrity dies every day.
- It's a problem.
- What? Okay, that's the one to beat.
Riffin' off that what if we got living celebrities to play a dope-ass music festival at Tito's? Genius.
AIDS, world hunger, tsunamis all cured by music festivals.
Okay, look, you can't cure tsunamis.
Not with that attitude, you can't.
But we need a headliner someone huge.
Someone extraordinary.
You wouldn't, perchance, be, uh, talking about yourself? - Me? No.
N-Nah, nah, nah.
- Yeah.
No, you goin' crazy.
I did not describe me.
- I mean, maybe.
You could do it.
- I could do it Hey, if you really want me to do it, I could Is that a "no"? T-That's a "no.
" Really? Okay.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, good luck.
Courtney going off to war? He won't make it.
No.
Sheila just quit as choir director.
What? She just eloped with her dentist, and now she's converting to Judaism.
Typical Sheila.
We should steal that choir director from Sacred Heart.
She almost tried out for "The Voice," but her car broke down.
I am going to do it.
You're gonna try out for "The Voice"? Ooh, mama, Blake gon' spin right around in his chair when he hears you sing.
That man just lights up every time a sister sings.
I'm going to be the new choir director.
And besides, I am an "Idol" girl.
I ain't singing to no chair backs.
That mess is rude.
I'm about to shake up this little church choir, mm-hmm! And I'm gonna do it all for the big guy G to the O-D.
It's God, Krystal.
I'm talking about God.
Welcome back to "Big Mornings with Big Mona"! We are here with Fort Grey's favorite son, Mayor Courtney Rose! Good morning, Fort Grey, Californ-I-A! You know, I saw you coming up in the club, and not once did I ever think "Mayor.
" Like, not even once.
- Like, yikes.
- [SLIDE WHISTLE BLOWS.]
Uh, I've actually been listening to you since I was in diapers.
[LAUGHTER.]
Little cramped in here.
You guys want to wait behind the glass? - Nah, we good, girl.
- Nah, I'm gonna stay right here.
We're gonna stay right here.
This is fancy.
I feel like I could hear you better from right here.
I see you stayed true to your crew after taking office.
- Mad respect.
- Thank you.
I picked out his hat.
Which I am now realizing that no one can see.
Uh, Mayor Rose is wearing a red hat with a tasteful gothic font.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
But, uh, equally as important, we are here today to discuss the music festival that Mayor Rose will be doing to help save Tito's Ballroom.
Uh, yeah, uh, Tito's Ballroom is a musical landmark.
It's like Fort Grey's Apollo.
There's no lucky tree stump, but there is a wall of chewed gum from every rapper that's come through.
- Mm-hmm.
- Sounds gross.
Is gross.
Is cool.
Well, I tell you, I couldn't be luckier to have Mayor Rose as a friend.
Without our connection, my club's probably a Starbucks by this time next week.
Yep, I mean, it pays to have the mayor in your corner.
And this festival's gonna raise enough cash to keep your lights on, and the buzz is gonna bring Tito's back into the spotlight.
I also need a new spotlight.
Hello! Ha ha! Ha.
Well, you heard it here, folks Mayor Rose personally vows to save Tito's Ballroom.
- [APPLAUSE.]
- Yes, ma'am.
Okay, now, let's dish.
Who killed Kennedy, and what's in Area 51? All right! We got the word out with my signature Rose whimsy.
'Cause you know me either go big or ED: Go home.
I was just finishing your sentence.
Hey.
Caught you on the radio.
Good segment.
Emotions really came through.
Oh, Ed Gunt listens to hip-hop radio? Yeah, he seems like a Kid Rock kind of guy.
I love Big Mona.
She turns jokes pretty good for a lady.
As a funnywoman myself, I find that offensive.
I was particularly touched when Tito said that his club is getting special attention because he's friends with the mayor.
Yeah, you know, just giving back to someone who gave to me.
It's called corruption, Mr.
Manafort.
Corruption? Hey, come on.
I'm just trying to help out a friend.
Yeah, with taxpayer money.
You keep bankrolling your self-serving pet projects, and I'm gonna have to slap you with a corruption charge.
Eeee "Titogate"! Has a nice ring to it.
[CHUCKLES.]
Domo arigato, Mister Corrupto.
Do you see this? Sheila put "He'll Bring You Out" after "Wait on the Lord.
" You can wait all you want.
The Lord ain't coming to hear this mess.
- Yeah, Sheila's the best.
- Hello? Are you still spiraling about Titogate? Why is it so damn catchy? And look at this.
You haven't even finished your pork chop.
And I know it don't need more gravy, 'cause I cook pig right.
Gunt isn't anti-corruption.
- He's anti-me.
- Yeah, just like Sheila left me with this flaming pile of dog crap.
Or maybe it's because he doesn't like hip-hop.
I did see a Smash Mouth CD in his office.
- Hip-hop? - Mm-hmm.
What does hip-hop have to do with this? The world didn't start with hip-hop.
I know, I know "R&B.
" And, you know, Tito's wasn't always a music joint that served weak drinks.
I've seen that dude pour water into empty vodka bottles in front of the customers.
And I know he reuses ice! - I think you had a point.
- Oh, right.
Yeah.
Your granddad used to tell me back in the 70's that Tito's was, like, a gathering place for Black Panthers.
Wait.
Black Panthers, like the Black Panthers? Like, power fists and dope leather jackets? Amongst other things.
Now, you know I told you about the Panthers.
They organized breakfast programs for kids and community schools that taught black pride.
All of this goodness organized from places like Tito's.
- People should really know about this.
- Yes! Saving Tito's is not just important to your history it's important to history.
Wait.
It is, isn't it? Yeah, that's why I said it.
I come from a little town in Northern Califoolya That's why I lay down my medulla But all these squares like to act like they don't know Like they don't know But it's that bass slap We been at it since way back Before I was even ankle-high to a caterpillar toe Damn it.
He's been inspired.
History! - Math! - What? Sorry.
I thought we were naming our weaknesses.
Algebra was a biotch! [CHUCKLES.]
Guys, check this out.
Tito's Ballroom was actually a meeting spot for Black Panthers.
I even asked Tito, and he dug up some old photos.
Oh, my God.
Is that Huey P.
Newton in the same spot that I was sipping water in last night? [CHUCKLES.]
What? I know my Panthers.
I once did a paper on them for fun, and my mom gave me an A-plus.
If Gunt's accusing me of trying to save Tito's for personal reasons, then we can save it for a public reason preserving history! Oh, look at you! Fighting for the oppressed like a junior Martin Luther King Junior.
Well, we could pressure the city council into saving Tito's in an open hearing.
And stack it with public support! Beat Gunt at his own game.
Naughty! - Sorry.
"Delicious.
" - Mnh-mnh.
You know, it's one thing to mess with kids who need music programs, but damn it, not Tito's.
Y-Yeah, n-not exactly how I would put it, but o-okay.
All right, everybody, this is our new song list.
Let's get to it.
We got years of Sheila to undo.
Why are we practicing here? Because it's easier.
It took me 20 minutes to park.
Please keep us posted on your future parking adventures.
Since I'm soloing, I should have a say in some of these picks.
None of these songs fit my voice.
Uh-huh, which brings me to my next point soloists.
But I've been the soloist for five years.
My e-mail address is hansoloist@yahoo.
com.
You just joined.
Why do you get to call the shots? 'Cause this is my house.
That you made us come to.
You better watch your tone, Langston.
I can go 10 minutes without blinking.
Okay, look.
Since we're making changes, okay, why don't we just open it up for real? Okay, Krystal, what you got? Let's do some top 40.
Okay, I think "Sauce It Up" by Lil Uzi Vert could be very spiritual if it's sung right.
All we got to do is change "sauce" to "Je-sauce.
" Anybody else? New robes something that dazzles.
Gonna shut it right back down and get to this here song.
So go on.
Back it up.
Back it up.
[UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS.]
When you are lost in the shadows You better Call on the Lord Call on the - [MUSIC STOPS.]
- Okay, you know what? You know what? If I'm disappointed, can you imagine how God feels? Save Tito's, save history! All right.
Come to our meeting on Friday! Is this a Black Panther meeting? Are you a Black Panther? What is happening to this country? Hey, guys.
So, I've been getting a lot of questions.
We're not Black Panthers, right? No.
Hey, guys! We are Black Panthers, right? - No, we are not Black - No! Put your fist down! ED: You want to dance, Courtney? Okay.
Let's dance.
It's an amazing festival for an amazing cause, and we would love to have you perform.
Perfect.
No.
No, no, no.
We We don't have Bono.
Yeah, he's more of a genocide guy.
[CHUCKLES.]
Whatever, whatev Hello? "Do we have Bono?" "Yes.
" Point is, brah lie, lie, lie! Guys.
You've got to hear this.
It's probably a podcast.
Welcome back to "Big Mornings with Big Mona"! Today, I am here with City Council President Ed Gunt.
What?! Thanks for having me on, Mones.
And thanks for not revoking my FCC license.
A real win-win.
So, B.
M.
can I call you "B.
M.
"? Oh.
Uh, you know, Mayor Rose wants to rob the city of its valuable resources to save some nightclub because of its history? [CHUCKLING.]
I mean, I'm less interested in dwelling in the past and more interested in Fort Grey's future! He's terrible.
Yeah, well, he's a bastard, but he's a savvy bastard.
- Yes.
- A naughty bastard.
- No.
- Sorry.
What I'm saying is, replacing Tito's with let's say a Starbucks would boost retail activity in that area by about 50%.
And, boy, I'd love to dip my kringle in a steaming-hot venti, am I right? Hey, hey! You can't say that kind of stuff on the air.
This is not a country-music station.
Oh.
No, a kringle is a delicious Danish pastry that my family eats when we celebrate Krampus.
Val, what's Krampus? [HUSHED.]
I don't know everything white.
- I mean - Which is a holiday from the old country.
- Mm.
- Anyway, if Mayor Rose wants to help his friend underline Tito, then I guess we can say goodbye to 50% growth.
See ya.
Sorry, Fort Grey.
Don't buy that food just yet.
Wow.
Big words from a tiny man.
[LAUGHTER, HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS.]
I'm 5'8", so He is such a liar! All those numbers sound fake.
Yeah.
He's definitely only 5'7".
Oh, come on! No-Nobody cares about height anymore.
It's about sensuality.
Joie de vivre.
Okay.
Keep telling yourself that.
- [VOCALIZING.]
- [KNOCK ON DOOR.]
- Hey, girl.
- Hey.
Uh, just the just the two of you? Where are the rest? They quit, Dina.
What?! Why?! I was just hitting my choir-director stride.
"Director" or "dictator"? Bravo, Krystal.
How long you been sitting on that one? Actually, I thought of it last year for my nephew's gluten-free wife, but it works even better right now.
Yeah, Dina, you're not exactly a big taker of ideas when you're in charge.
That's the point of being in charge.
My ideas are the best.
You know what? I don't need this.
I can be at home with Linda, cooking a nice salmon.
[DOOR OPENS.]
You know what? Forget him.
I'm gonna build my own choir from the ground up.
I'm gonna mold them in my own likeness.
Come on, girl.
Let's go to Applebee's.
Wait.
That's another thing, Dina.
Why does it always have to be Applebee's? No one loves Applebee's! [GROANS.]
I love Applebee's.
Great to be back, Mona.
How about that phony Councilman Ed Gunt? - I mean, am I right? - Yeah! [WHISPERING.]
Play the donkey sound.
- [DONKEY BRAYING.]
- "Hee-haw!" Yep, that's him.
And we have a caller.
Marv from East River, go! - Screw Councilman Gunt and his Starbucks! - Love you, Marv! What I'd really like is one of them Lululemons.
You lost me, Marv.
[CHUCKLES.]
Listen up, Fort Grey.
I know most of you feel the same way as me and Marv, so let's pack the meeting tonight at City Hall and make Ed Gunt hear our voices together! - [APPLAUSE.]
- And that's our time! You know, you're a cutie.
I'm the same age as your mama, but I'm not your mama.
COURTNEY: Esteemed council Ed.
As you can see, the support for the legacy of Tito's Ballroom is stronger than ever.
But enough from me.
Let's hear from the people.
He is working that crowd.
Here come the chills.
Here come the chills.
Now, you, sir.
Please, tell the council why you love Tito's.
- I don't love Tito's.
- [CROWD MURMURS.]
Oh, well why do you adore Tito's? I am actually here to remember Tito's Ballroom for some of the riots that started there.
Riots? No, no, no.
Those were rallies, sir.
Some of those rallies got violent.
People got hurt.
When I heard you talking about it on the radio, it brought back memories memories I don't think we should be celebrating.
Ohh.
Plot twist.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
Oh, okay.
I see what's going on here.
Y-You're obviously a plant here for Ed Gunt.
That jackass? His car wash ruined my paint job! [AMPLIFIED.]
Allegedly.
But if you ask me, I think we should tear down Tito's Ballroom.
Wha And I'm sure I'm not the only one that feels that way.
[CROWD MURMURING.]
[CHANTING.]
Tear it down.
Tear it down! CROWD: [CHANTING.]
Tear it down! No, sir, please.
Please stop, sir! Pl Put your fists No, sir, please Tear it down! Tear it down! T.
K.
! [SNAPS FINGERS.]
- What are you doing? - [CHANTING FADES.]
Do not underestimate the power of groupthink.
I move that we strike down the mayor's measure to sponsor a festival in order to save Tito's.
All in favor, say "yea.
" - ALL: Yea.
- [GAVEL BANGS.]
Measure voted down.
Can you believe that Krystal sided with the quitter choir? Called me a dictator.
I'm not a dictator! I just believe in results.
The ends justify the means.
Mm.
That's exactly what a dictator would say.
- Oh! - But when you're a leader Boy gets elected mayor one time.
When you're a leader, you got to see things from the other side.
Consider opposing perspectives.
Ma, you are stabbing a waffle.
And you have no choir.
[FORK CLANKS.]
You're right.
I guess if I was in my choir, I'd bail, too.
Yeah, see, that's real leadership empathizing with those who disagree with you.
Maybe it's something I could stand to do, too.
Maybe I should just accept the fact that not everyone feels the same way about Tito's as I do.
Yeah, but they wrong as hell about that.
You need to make them feel the way you feel.
Ma, that actually might be the key.
Well, obviously, a less sinister version of that.
- What - Mwah! Thank you.
Oh, so now I'm sinister?! I am sinister.
COURTNEY: Guys, here's what I'm thinking.
I-I thought people would want to come out and save Tito's, and I was wrong.
But what if we show people that they have their own Tito's? Then they'll see why they can't tear ours down.
I get it It's like this field trip we went on in school to this old barn that figured big in the story of the Latino farmworker.
I mean, it's not my story, but it was inspiring.
Exactly.
It's all about empathy - getting them to feel how we feel.
- Yeah.
Also, the tour guide was one of those old women whose hips were made for khakis.
Oh, I remember that barn.
It's a Jiffy Lube now.
See? That right there is just a tragedy.
Yeah, that sexy old lady's probably dead now, too.
Guys, I have an idea.
Follow me.
[INDISTINCT TALKING.]
Hi.
I'm so sorry.
So sorry to interrupt.
- Oh, this guy.
- [DOOR CLOSES.]
Now, Ed, you said something on the radio yesterday - that really interested me.
- Did I? Yeah! Your kringle? Like, w-what is that Dutch? It's Danish, but this sort of information is available on Google.
Does your generation Google things, or do you just, uh, assume you know everything? That is right Gunt is a Danish name.
Actually, it was "Guntenhildr," but I shortened it for my political career.
You changed your name to Gunt? On purpose? - Yep.
- Yeah, it commands authority.
"Polk," "Taft," "Gunt.
" Mnh, mnh, mnh! Anyways, that kringle sounded delicious.
And do you know there's only one place around here where you can get one? It's Windmill Bakery.
It's off the 5.
It's great Easy drive.
Take my kids there every Krampus.
So would you say that place holds a special meaning for you? Oh, no.
You're doing something, aren't you? [CROWD MURMURING.]
[INHALES SHARPLY.]
This is them.
These kringles are from the Windmill Bakery, built in 1902.
How hard it must've been for your ancestors, crossing the frontier with that baby pink skin, so easily sunburned.
We are a very pale people.
We die off quickly.
See? That's why I think you take your kids there to remember the real immigrant struggle of your ancestors.
Now, how would you feel if the Windmill Bakery ever got torn down? I'd be fine with it.
Okay, I mean, yeah, they do sell pastries at Starbucks.
- They got this Yeah, they do! - They got the - every morning with my coffee, and - Mmm! - warm it up - Don't you touch my Windmill! I don't want to touch your Windmill, Ed.
Nor do I want to touch Tito's Ballroom or the barn that Jermaine went to.
Um, I don't I don't think they know the context for the barn.
- When I was 12 years old, - Uh, not now, Jermaine.
there was an older woman named June Big hips.
She passed away.
There's places like this all over our city.
Like the building where my League of Empowered Women in Municipal Government meet.
It's also a bowling alley.
What do you say to the people that brought up the riots at Tito's? Well, I say that's exactly why we need to preserve it.
History is not always pretty, but those riots were born out of the struggle for civil rights, and we should never forget that.
And that's why I want to save all of Fort Grey's symbols of struggle.
Because one thing's for certain we all know struggle.
Isn't that right [AMPLIFIED.]
Councilman Guntenhildr? I do have to put on 80 sunblock [VOICE BREAKING.]
just to get the morning paper.
He does know that black people wear sunblock too, right? COURTNEY: Welcome to Tito's Ballroom Music Festival! This is the first in a long line of other places that will be protected by the Fort Grey Historical Monument Act! - Let's go! - [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
That way, no matter what happens, this building will always be here even if you burn through everything we raise here tonight - and, uh, go out of business.
- [LAUGHTER.]
All right, let's get this show started! Make some noise for one of my heroes Bay Area legend E-40! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
Yo! [LAUGHS.]
["CHOICES (YUP)" PLAYS.]
It's great to be here for a great cause.
Thank you for hooking me up with Fort Grey's hottest backup singers.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
These robes are stunning.
It was your great idea, Langston.
We are all gonna have an equal voice in our choir.
- [RAPPING.]
Not a BB or a pellet gun - Nope - But a long-barrel bass drum - Yep Everybody got choices I choose to get money, I'm stuck to this bread Everybody got choices These be hatin', I already know, but I never go broke No, no, no I'm-a stay gettin' money, yeah, yeah, yeah Oh, what about the vintage drive-in theater downtown? My dad left me there once.
Why were you out of the car at the drive-in? Whose side are you on, man? VAL: What are you guys doing? Is a question I still haven't learned not to ask.
Brainstorming future monuments for Fort Grey.
Kmart? Oh, yeah, uh T.
K.
kissed a mannequin there once.
Well, then, it would be a monument if he kissed it and it came to life.
That's what I was hoping for, but, um none of them ever did.
This is exactly what I need! A little music, a lot of drink, and best of all? I get to leave "the mayor" at the door.
It's just so great to blow off some steam after work.
We should make this a tradition Tito's every Tuesday! - Uh, yeah yes a new tradition.
- Yep.
Us at Tito's on Tuesdays, starting tonight.
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Tuesday nights at Tito's! This is my favorite tradition.
- Starting right now, and never before.
- Hm? [GASPS.]
Remember that first time you were up on that stage? You were so nervous.
I don't know why.
It was just me, T.
K.
, and Jermaine.
And And the the bartenders.
- There was about two or three of them.
- There weren't no bartenders.
You had your first performance here? - That's so cute! - Uhh - Uh, "lit"? - No - "Rad"? - Whoa.
- "Dope"? - No.
- "Gangsta.
" - Hell no.
Attention, everyone.
Val has discovered Urban Dictionary.
Okay, all right.
This is a hip-hop temple.
Legends performed here before they were legends.
- Mac Dre, Tupac - Yes.
Whoo! even MC Hammer.
Ain't too legit to love him.
Hey! Hammer! [CHUCKLES.]
Don't mind me.
I'm just making a VIP lounge for His Honor.
ALL: Titoooo! Tito, I was just saying how much your place means to me.
You let me find my voice here and let me work through a very awkward ska phase.
Tito, I absolutely adore your establishment.
Great! Would you like to buy some chairs? I'm sorry? Or some stage lights or some beer taps? It's all got to go.
Oh, like a remodel? Well, if you're taking suggestions, no more carpet in the greenroom.
That thing got stains on it I don't need explained to me.
No, man.
Costs are going up, rents are going up.
Business is down.
I can't afford it anymore.
Got to close up shop.
- Tito! - What?! No.
What kind of car did you come in? I got a dance floor you can take home real cheap.
This is so upsetting.
I mean, we came in an El Camino.
Do you think the dance floor folds up, or? DINA: T.
K.
! I told you guys cocktail, water, cocktail, water, jumping jacks, ibuprofen, sleep.
Never had a hangover in my life.
Why would you avoid a hangover? It's, like, the one time bacon cheeseburgers are medically prescribed.
I still can't believe it's over for Tito's.
And not because of the undocumented kitchen staff.
I know.
I mean, there's just something special about Tito's.
You know, it's like home.
What? You've been there once.
Guys, we got to save Tito's.
We need to make Tito's a bunch of money fast.
All right.
Fire up the idea factory.
What really rallies people? The death of a beloved celebrity.
Why is that always your first thought? Because statistically, a celebrity dies every day.
- It's a problem.
- What? Okay, that's the one to beat.
Riffin' off that what if we got living celebrities to play a dope-ass music festival at Tito's? Genius.
AIDS, world hunger, tsunamis all cured by music festivals.
Okay, look, you can't cure tsunamis.
Not with that attitude, you can't.
But we need a headliner someone huge.
Someone extraordinary.
You wouldn't, perchance, be, uh, talking about yourself? - Me? No.
N-Nah, nah, nah.
- Yeah.
No, you goin' crazy.
I did not describe me.
- I mean, maybe.
You could do it.
- I could do it Hey, if you really want me to do it, I could Is that a "no"? T-That's a "no.
" Really? Okay.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, good luck.
Courtney going off to war? He won't make it.
No.
Sheila just quit as choir director.
What? She just eloped with her dentist, and now she's converting to Judaism.
Typical Sheila.
We should steal that choir director from Sacred Heart.
She almost tried out for "The Voice," but her car broke down.
I am going to do it.
You're gonna try out for "The Voice"? Ooh, mama, Blake gon' spin right around in his chair when he hears you sing.
That man just lights up every time a sister sings.
I'm going to be the new choir director.
And besides, I am an "Idol" girl.
I ain't singing to no chair backs.
That mess is rude.
I'm about to shake up this little church choir, mm-hmm! And I'm gonna do it all for the big guy G to the O-D.
It's God, Krystal.
I'm talking about God.
Welcome back to "Big Mornings with Big Mona"! We are here with Fort Grey's favorite son, Mayor Courtney Rose! Good morning, Fort Grey, Californ-I-A! You know, I saw you coming up in the club, and not once did I ever think "Mayor.
" Like, not even once.
- Like, yikes.
- [SLIDE WHISTLE BLOWS.]
Uh, I've actually been listening to you since I was in diapers.
[LAUGHTER.]
Little cramped in here.
You guys want to wait behind the glass? - Nah, we good, girl.
- Nah, I'm gonna stay right here.
We're gonna stay right here.
This is fancy.
I feel like I could hear you better from right here.
I see you stayed true to your crew after taking office.
- Mad respect.
- Thank you.
I picked out his hat.
Which I am now realizing that no one can see.
Uh, Mayor Rose is wearing a red hat with a tasteful gothic font.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
But, uh, equally as important, we are here today to discuss the music festival that Mayor Rose will be doing to help save Tito's Ballroom.
Uh, yeah, uh, Tito's Ballroom is a musical landmark.
It's like Fort Grey's Apollo.
There's no lucky tree stump, but there is a wall of chewed gum from every rapper that's come through.
- Mm-hmm.
- Sounds gross.
Is gross.
Is cool.
Well, I tell you, I couldn't be luckier to have Mayor Rose as a friend.
Without our connection, my club's probably a Starbucks by this time next week.
Yep, I mean, it pays to have the mayor in your corner.
And this festival's gonna raise enough cash to keep your lights on, and the buzz is gonna bring Tito's back into the spotlight.
I also need a new spotlight.
Hello! Ha ha! Ha.
Well, you heard it here, folks Mayor Rose personally vows to save Tito's Ballroom.
- [APPLAUSE.]
- Yes, ma'am.
Okay, now, let's dish.
Who killed Kennedy, and what's in Area 51? All right! We got the word out with my signature Rose whimsy.
'Cause you know me either go big or ED: Go home.
I was just finishing your sentence.
Hey.
Caught you on the radio.
Good segment.
Emotions really came through.
Oh, Ed Gunt listens to hip-hop radio? Yeah, he seems like a Kid Rock kind of guy.
I love Big Mona.
She turns jokes pretty good for a lady.
As a funnywoman myself, I find that offensive.
I was particularly touched when Tito said that his club is getting special attention because he's friends with the mayor.
Yeah, you know, just giving back to someone who gave to me.
It's called corruption, Mr.
Manafort.
Corruption? Hey, come on.
I'm just trying to help out a friend.
Yeah, with taxpayer money.
You keep bankrolling your self-serving pet projects, and I'm gonna have to slap you with a corruption charge.
Eeee "Titogate"! Has a nice ring to it.
[CHUCKLES.]
Domo arigato, Mister Corrupto.
Do you see this? Sheila put "He'll Bring You Out" after "Wait on the Lord.
" You can wait all you want.
The Lord ain't coming to hear this mess.
- Yeah, Sheila's the best.
- Hello? Are you still spiraling about Titogate? Why is it so damn catchy? And look at this.
You haven't even finished your pork chop.
And I know it don't need more gravy, 'cause I cook pig right.
Gunt isn't anti-corruption.
- He's anti-me.
- Yeah, just like Sheila left me with this flaming pile of dog crap.
Or maybe it's because he doesn't like hip-hop.
I did see a Smash Mouth CD in his office.
- Hip-hop? - Mm-hmm.
What does hip-hop have to do with this? The world didn't start with hip-hop.
I know, I know "R&B.
" And, you know, Tito's wasn't always a music joint that served weak drinks.
I've seen that dude pour water into empty vodka bottles in front of the customers.
And I know he reuses ice! - I think you had a point.
- Oh, right.
Yeah.
Your granddad used to tell me back in the 70's that Tito's was, like, a gathering place for Black Panthers.
Wait.
Black Panthers, like the Black Panthers? Like, power fists and dope leather jackets? Amongst other things.
Now, you know I told you about the Panthers.
They organized breakfast programs for kids and community schools that taught black pride.
All of this goodness organized from places like Tito's.
- People should really know about this.
- Yes! Saving Tito's is not just important to your history it's important to history.
Wait.
It is, isn't it? Yeah, that's why I said it.
I come from a little town in Northern Califoolya That's why I lay down my medulla But all these squares like to act like they don't know Like they don't know But it's that bass slap We been at it since way back Before I was even ankle-high to a caterpillar toe Damn it.
He's been inspired.
History! - Math! - What? Sorry.
I thought we were naming our weaknesses.
Algebra was a biotch! [CHUCKLES.]
Guys, check this out.
Tito's Ballroom was actually a meeting spot for Black Panthers.
I even asked Tito, and he dug up some old photos.
Oh, my God.
Is that Huey P.
Newton in the same spot that I was sipping water in last night? [CHUCKLES.]
What? I know my Panthers.
I once did a paper on them for fun, and my mom gave me an A-plus.
If Gunt's accusing me of trying to save Tito's for personal reasons, then we can save it for a public reason preserving history! Oh, look at you! Fighting for the oppressed like a junior Martin Luther King Junior.
Well, we could pressure the city council into saving Tito's in an open hearing.
And stack it with public support! Beat Gunt at his own game.
Naughty! - Sorry.
"Delicious.
" - Mnh-mnh.
You know, it's one thing to mess with kids who need music programs, but damn it, not Tito's.
Y-Yeah, n-not exactly how I would put it, but o-okay.
All right, everybody, this is our new song list.
Let's get to it.
We got years of Sheila to undo.
Why are we practicing here? Because it's easier.
It took me 20 minutes to park.
Please keep us posted on your future parking adventures.
Since I'm soloing, I should have a say in some of these picks.
None of these songs fit my voice.
Uh-huh, which brings me to my next point soloists.
But I've been the soloist for five years.
My e-mail address is hansoloist@yahoo.
com.
You just joined.
Why do you get to call the shots? 'Cause this is my house.
That you made us come to.
You better watch your tone, Langston.
I can go 10 minutes without blinking.
Okay, look.
Since we're making changes, okay, why don't we just open it up for real? Okay, Krystal, what you got? Let's do some top 40.
Okay, I think "Sauce It Up" by Lil Uzi Vert could be very spiritual if it's sung right.
All we got to do is change "sauce" to "Je-sauce.
" Anybody else? New robes something that dazzles.
Gonna shut it right back down and get to this here song.
So go on.
Back it up.
Back it up.
[UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS.]
When you are lost in the shadows You better Call on the Lord Call on the - [MUSIC STOPS.]
- Okay, you know what? You know what? If I'm disappointed, can you imagine how God feels? Save Tito's, save history! All right.
Come to our meeting on Friday! Is this a Black Panther meeting? Are you a Black Panther? What is happening to this country? Hey, guys.
So, I've been getting a lot of questions.
We're not Black Panthers, right? No.
Hey, guys! We are Black Panthers, right? - No, we are not Black - No! Put your fist down! ED: You want to dance, Courtney? Okay.
Let's dance.
It's an amazing festival for an amazing cause, and we would love to have you perform.
Perfect.
No.
No, no, no.
We We don't have Bono.
Yeah, he's more of a genocide guy.
[CHUCKLES.]
Whatever, whatev Hello? "Do we have Bono?" "Yes.
" Point is, brah lie, lie, lie! Guys.
You've got to hear this.
It's probably a podcast.
Welcome back to "Big Mornings with Big Mona"! Today, I am here with City Council President Ed Gunt.
What?! Thanks for having me on, Mones.
And thanks for not revoking my FCC license.
A real win-win.
So, B.
M.
can I call you "B.
M.
"? Oh.
Uh, you know, Mayor Rose wants to rob the city of its valuable resources to save some nightclub because of its history? [CHUCKLING.]
I mean, I'm less interested in dwelling in the past and more interested in Fort Grey's future! He's terrible.
Yeah, well, he's a bastard, but he's a savvy bastard.
- Yes.
- A naughty bastard.
- No.
- Sorry.
What I'm saying is, replacing Tito's with let's say a Starbucks would boost retail activity in that area by about 50%.
And, boy, I'd love to dip my kringle in a steaming-hot venti, am I right? Hey, hey! You can't say that kind of stuff on the air.
This is not a country-music station.
Oh.
No, a kringle is a delicious Danish pastry that my family eats when we celebrate Krampus.
Val, what's Krampus? [HUSHED.]
I don't know everything white.
- I mean - Which is a holiday from the old country.
- Mm.
- Anyway, if Mayor Rose wants to help his friend underline Tito, then I guess we can say goodbye to 50% growth.
See ya.
Sorry, Fort Grey.
Don't buy that food just yet.
Wow.
Big words from a tiny man.
[LAUGHTER, HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS.]
I'm 5'8", so He is such a liar! All those numbers sound fake.
Yeah.
He's definitely only 5'7".
Oh, come on! No-Nobody cares about height anymore.
It's about sensuality.
Joie de vivre.
Okay.
Keep telling yourself that.
- [VOCALIZING.]
- [KNOCK ON DOOR.]
- Hey, girl.
- Hey.
Uh, just the just the two of you? Where are the rest? They quit, Dina.
What?! Why?! I was just hitting my choir-director stride.
"Director" or "dictator"? Bravo, Krystal.
How long you been sitting on that one? Actually, I thought of it last year for my nephew's gluten-free wife, but it works even better right now.
Yeah, Dina, you're not exactly a big taker of ideas when you're in charge.
That's the point of being in charge.
My ideas are the best.
You know what? I don't need this.
I can be at home with Linda, cooking a nice salmon.
[DOOR OPENS.]
You know what? Forget him.
I'm gonna build my own choir from the ground up.
I'm gonna mold them in my own likeness.
Come on, girl.
Let's go to Applebee's.
Wait.
That's another thing, Dina.
Why does it always have to be Applebee's? No one loves Applebee's! [GROANS.]
I love Applebee's.
Great to be back, Mona.
How about that phony Councilman Ed Gunt? - I mean, am I right? - Yeah! [WHISPERING.]
Play the donkey sound.
- [DONKEY BRAYING.]
- "Hee-haw!" Yep, that's him.
And we have a caller.
Marv from East River, go! - Screw Councilman Gunt and his Starbucks! - Love you, Marv! What I'd really like is one of them Lululemons.
You lost me, Marv.
[CHUCKLES.]
Listen up, Fort Grey.
I know most of you feel the same way as me and Marv, so let's pack the meeting tonight at City Hall and make Ed Gunt hear our voices together! - [APPLAUSE.]
- And that's our time! You know, you're a cutie.
I'm the same age as your mama, but I'm not your mama.
COURTNEY: Esteemed council Ed.
As you can see, the support for the legacy of Tito's Ballroom is stronger than ever.
But enough from me.
Let's hear from the people.
He is working that crowd.
Here come the chills.
Here come the chills.
Now, you, sir.
Please, tell the council why you love Tito's.
- I don't love Tito's.
- [CROWD MURMURS.]
Oh, well why do you adore Tito's? I am actually here to remember Tito's Ballroom for some of the riots that started there.
Riots? No, no, no.
Those were rallies, sir.
Some of those rallies got violent.
People got hurt.
When I heard you talking about it on the radio, it brought back memories memories I don't think we should be celebrating.
Ohh.
Plot twist.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
Oh, okay.
I see what's going on here.
Y-You're obviously a plant here for Ed Gunt.
That jackass? His car wash ruined my paint job! [AMPLIFIED.]
Allegedly.
But if you ask me, I think we should tear down Tito's Ballroom.
Wha And I'm sure I'm not the only one that feels that way.
[CROWD MURMURING.]
[CHANTING.]
Tear it down.
Tear it down! CROWD: [CHANTING.]
Tear it down! No, sir, please.
Please stop, sir! Pl Put your fists No, sir, please Tear it down! Tear it down! T.
K.
! [SNAPS FINGERS.]
- What are you doing? - [CHANTING FADES.]
Do not underestimate the power of groupthink.
I move that we strike down the mayor's measure to sponsor a festival in order to save Tito's.
All in favor, say "yea.
" - ALL: Yea.
- [GAVEL BANGS.]
Measure voted down.
Can you believe that Krystal sided with the quitter choir? Called me a dictator.
I'm not a dictator! I just believe in results.
The ends justify the means.
Mm.
That's exactly what a dictator would say.
- Oh! - But when you're a leader Boy gets elected mayor one time.
When you're a leader, you got to see things from the other side.
Consider opposing perspectives.
Ma, you are stabbing a waffle.
And you have no choir.
[FORK CLANKS.]
You're right.
I guess if I was in my choir, I'd bail, too.
Yeah, see, that's real leadership empathizing with those who disagree with you.
Maybe it's something I could stand to do, too.
Maybe I should just accept the fact that not everyone feels the same way about Tito's as I do.
Yeah, but they wrong as hell about that.
You need to make them feel the way you feel.
Ma, that actually might be the key.
Well, obviously, a less sinister version of that.
- What - Mwah! Thank you.
Oh, so now I'm sinister?! I am sinister.
COURTNEY: Guys, here's what I'm thinking.
I-I thought people would want to come out and save Tito's, and I was wrong.
But what if we show people that they have their own Tito's? Then they'll see why they can't tear ours down.
I get it It's like this field trip we went on in school to this old barn that figured big in the story of the Latino farmworker.
I mean, it's not my story, but it was inspiring.
Exactly.
It's all about empathy - getting them to feel how we feel.
- Yeah.
Also, the tour guide was one of those old women whose hips were made for khakis.
Oh, I remember that barn.
It's a Jiffy Lube now.
See? That right there is just a tragedy.
Yeah, that sexy old lady's probably dead now, too.
Guys, I have an idea.
Follow me.
[INDISTINCT TALKING.]
Hi.
I'm so sorry.
So sorry to interrupt.
- Oh, this guy.
- [DOOR CLOSES.]
Now, Ed, you said something on the radio yesterday - that really interested me.
- Did I? Yeah! Your kringle? Like, w-what is that Dutch? It's Danish, but this sort of information is available on Google.
Does your generation Google things, or do you just, uh, assume you know everything? That is right Gunt is a Danish name.
Actually, it was "Guntenhildr," but I shortened it for my political career.
You changed your name to Gunt? On purpose? - Yep.
- Yeah, it commands authority.
"Polk," "Taft," "Gunt.
" Mnh, mnh, mnh! Anyways, that kringle sounded delicious.
And do you know there's only one place around here where you can get one? It's Windmill Bakery.
It's off the 5.
It's great Easy drive.
Take my kids there every Krampus.
So would you say that place holds a special meaning for you? Oh, no.
You're doing something, aren't you? [CROWD MURMURING.]
[INHALES SHARPLY.]
This is them.
These kringles are from the Windmill Bakery, built in 1902.
How hard it must've been for your ancestors, crossing the frontier with that baby pink skin, so easily sunburned.
We are a very pale people.
We die off quickly.
See? That's why I think you take your kids there to remember the real immigrant struggle of your ancestors.
Now, how would you feel if the Windmill Bakery ever got torn down? I'd be fine with it.
Okay, I mean, yeah, they do sell pastries at Starbucks.
- They got this Yeah, they do! - They got the - every morning with my coffee, and - Mmm! - warm it up - Don't you touch my Windmill! I don't want to touch your Windmill, Ed.
Nor do I want to touch Tito's Ballroom or the barn that Jermaine went to.
Um, I don't I don't think they know the context for the barn.
- When I was 12 years old, - Uh, not now, Jermaine.
there was an older woman named June Big hips.
She passed away.
There's places like this all over our city.
Like the building where my League of Empowered Women in Municipal Government meet.
It's also a bowling alley.
What do you say to the people that brought up the riots at Tito's? Well, I say that's exactly why we need to preserve it.
History is not always pretty, but those riots were born out of the struggle for civil rights, and we should never forget that.
And that's why I want to save all of Fort Grey's symbols of struggle.
Because one thing's for certain we all know struggle.
Isn't that right [AMPLIFIED.]
Councilman Guntenhildr? I do have to put on 80 sunblock [VOICE BREAKING.]
just to get the morning paper.
He does know that black people wear sunblock too, right? COURTNEY: Welcome to Tito's Ballroom Music Festival! This is the first in a long line of other places that will be protected by the Fort Grey Historical Monument Act! - Let's go! - [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
That way, no matter what happens, this building will always be here even if you burn through everything we raise here tonight - and, uh, go out of business.
- [LAUGHTER.]
All right, let's get this show started! Make some noise for one of my heroes Bay Area legend E-40! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
Yo! [LAUGHS.]
["CHOICES (YUP)" PLAYS.]
It's great to be here for a great cause.
Thank you for hooking me up with Fort Grey's hottest backup singers.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
These robes are stunning.
It was your great idea, Langston.
We are all gonna have an equal voice in our choir.
- [RAPPING.]
Not a BB or a pellet gun - Nope - But a long-barrel bass drum - Yep Everybody got choices I choose to get money, I'm stuck to this bread Everybody got choices These be hatin', I already know, but I never go broke No, no, no I'm-a stay gettin' money, yeah, yeah, yeah Oh, what about the vintage drive-in theater downtown? My dad left me there once.
Why were you out of the car at the drive-in? Whose side are you on, man? VAL: What are you guys doing? Is a question I still haven't learned not to ask.
Brainstorming future monuments for Fort Grey.
Kmart? Oh, yeah, uh T.
K.
kissed a mannequin there once.
Well, then, it would be a monument if he kissed it and it came to life.
That's what I was hoping for, but, um none of them ever did.