The Suite Life on Deck (2008) s01e08 Episode Script

Sea Monster Mash

( Theme music playing ) Ah, welcome back.
Did you enjoy your first excursion to the galapagos islands? I couldn't believe it.
There were penguins, - and lizards and snakes.
- Oh my.
Hey, everybody, check out the cool shirt.
"I-guana hug.
" Iguana barf.
( Gags ) You know, these islands really make you appreciate the beauty and fragility of nature.
Zack, you have a rare galapagos cricket on your arm.
- ( Cricket chirping ) - There's only four left in the world.
Bug bug! Bug bug bug! Get it off! Die die die die! Die die die! Ew ew ew! Now there are only three left in the world.
Oh ay oh, oh ay oh come along with me and let's head out to see what this world has for you and for me now whichever way the wind blows - we say - hey-ho, let's go! - oh ay oh - this boat's rocking - oh ay oh - ain't no stopping us now 'cause we're living the suite life - oh ay oh - this boat's rocking - oh ay oh - rocking the whole world round and we're living the suite life now hey ho! Oh ay oh let's go! And alley oop! Owned owned owned! And for the three! Oh, foul foul! Ref, ref, did you see that foul? Don't care.
Never will care.
Where's my science book? What does it look like? Like yours, except it's been opened.
Oh, here it is.
Hey, that's our backboard.
Who wants to hear about my science project? ( Sarcastically ) Please.
Don't have to ask me twice.
We didn't even ask you once.
So I've been doing some research on a giant sea creature called "galapagos gurdy.
" I've charted some sighted reportings which indicate she appears in these waters when there's a full moon, which is tonight.
( Gasps ) Oh.
Exactly.
I'll be the first person to document her existence.
Not only will I get an "a," but quite possibly a nobel prize.
Hey, sounds like a project I'll be proud to put my name on.
- Me too.
- Sorry, guys, but I'm doing this report with Bailey.
But she's smart.
And you're smart.
That's stupid.
Besides, I mean, we're a team, buddy.
I mean, think of all the great school projects - we've done together.
- Together? - Yeah.
- Name one.
Well, there-- there was the thing with the thing.
And the experiment where the stuff went "whoosh!" And then we did the paper about that guy.
( Scoffs ) Margaret Thatcher? Yeah, him.
Sorry, Zack.
This time you're on your own.
After all I've done for you? You promised Cody would do our project.
Now what are we gonna do? ( Sigh ) Don't sweat it, wood mite.
We've got plenty of time before the project is due.
It's due tomorrow.
We're doomed.
Well, I'm all done with my science report.
What do you think? I think You just stapled $100 bill to each page.
- You can't turn this in.
- Oh, you're right.
I forgot to put my name on it.
Should I spell it out in pearls or rubies? Neither.
You can't hand this-- you have enough rubies to write your name? Never mind.
Back on topic.
The point is, you can't bribe the teacher.
( Gasps ) I can't? Stupid no-bribing sea school.
Then I'll just do my project with you.
I'm sorry, but I'm already doing my project with Cody.
( Gasps ) How could you? Roommates are supposed to help each other.
And what exactly have you done to help me? Besides letting me room with you, which everyone made you do.
Oh, well I-- then I-- look, I don't "do" things for people.
And I need you to be okay with that.
Look, I really wish I could help you, but I'm sure there are other kids who still need partners.
Yeah, right.
I mean, what kind of losers wait until the last minute? So, partners, what do we do now? Beats me.
Cody always did my work.
Well, maddie usually did my work.
What about you, Woody? Do you usually let Cody or maddie do your work? I don't have a smart brother.
Or friends.
( Gasps ) Tear, hug.
No brother and no friends? That's a sad tale of woe, woodchuck.
Oh, I have brothers and tons of friends.
They're just not smart.
Time to get your greasy hands off the heiress.
Okay, so we have all night to put something together.
There's no need to panic.
It's not like if we flunk science, we'll be sent back to live with our mother, and give up our first taste of sweet sweet freedom.
( Sobbing ) No, I don't wanna go home.
- Zack? - What? Are you crying? No.
It's just the salty ocean spray.
From the toilet? We just need to pick a good subject.
We could do a report on how plants grow when cultivated in different environments.
( Shrieks ) Smart guy! Not really.
I just read that out of the science book.
Still, you were smart enough to look in the book! Woody, you're in charge of research and development.
- Zack, you're in charge of supplies.
- Ma'am, yes, ma'am.
And what are you in charge of? I'm in charge of Being in charge.
- Night-vision goggles? - Check.
- Fishing pole and underwater camera? - Check.
- Hummus and pita bread? - Check.
Uh, Cody, what's the hummus and pita bread for? Around midnight, I get hungry.
( Gags ) Too much garlic.
You know, I've been making this recipe since I was five, and have never had a complaint.
They were probably choking on all the garlic.
Anyway, with these night-vision goggles, I'll be able to see any hideous creature that might be lurking about.
( Screams ) Monster! I prefer "Mr.
monster.
" What is going on up here? We're trying to get a picture of the giant beast, galapagos gurdy.
I have asked you to not give nicknames to our more rotund guests.
No no no, gurdy isn't a guest.
She's a legendary sea creature that purportedly lives in these waters.
There's no "purportedly" about it.
My research indicates she's down there.
I still don't want you disturbing my guests.
Oh, we're not disturbing anyone.
All the guests are on the promenade deck for the limbo contest.
How low can you galapa-go? Fine, do your little science project.
Just promise me one thing: If you need bait, you'll use your brother.
I'm surprisingly okay with that.
All right, I got the supplies: Some plant vines, beakers, chemicals, - and a cheesecake.
- What's the cheesecake for? Around midnight, I get hungry.
Excellent job, Zack.
You're my new favorite.
- Woody, step up.
- Yes, ma'am.
All right, now, we'll put one clipping in the beaker filled with soil, one in the beaker filled with beach sand, and this one gets distilled water.
How did you know to do all that? From this textbook.
You know, it turns out this thing is chock-full of information.
So what's next? Oh, maddie would write letters down, and stick them on each thingymabobber.
You mean, like label them alphabetically? No, I meant label them "a, b, c.
" Good thing I'm in charge.
You, take notes on what's happening.
You got it.
How do you spell "nothing"? ( Groans ) This is too slow.
Woody, I'm gonna use your power mega smoothie.
"More nothing.
" I know what we need to do.
- What? - Cheesecake break! London, I like the way you lead.
Wait, Cody hates crumbs.
So he only lets me eat in the bathtub.
We can all probably squeeze in there.
Or we can just eat in my room.
Isn't your bathtub the same size as mine? Well, here we are, two scientists under the moonlight, who knows what we'll discover? You know what I'm discovering? After three hours, this deck chair makes my butt go numb.
Look, what if gurdy really is just a myth and there's nothing out there? Oh, there's something out there all right.
I can feel it in my gut.
It's probably gas from all that garlic.
Are you questioning my research? No, I'm questioning your seasoning.
Next time you bring the snacks, but right now I'm going to try and lure gurdy with a mating call.
Oh, this ought to be good.
( Clears throat ) My research shows that gurdy is somewhere between a walrus and a beluga whale with a hint of manatee.
Kinda like a mana-twhale.
( Mimicking mating call ) She probably can't hear me.
Why don't you do it with me? I'm good.
Are we in this project together or not? ( Mimicking mating call ) ( Clears throat ) I need you to do me a favor.
Never make that noise again! People are complaining, and they're on another boat! We're on the verge of a great scientific discovery.
Well, I'm on the verge of dumping you out of the sewage flap.
We're sorry, Mr.
moseby.
We'll keep it down.
You'd better.
By the way, you might consider a mint.
You both reek of garlic.
( Gasps ) We got a bite! - It's probably gurdy.
- Or a fish.
- ( Grunts ) - ( Splashes ) A big fish.
A big fish driving a bus.
Gurdy must have snapped the bait line.
But I bet we got a great picture.
Pull up the camera.
Whoa, gurdy ate the camera.
Well, can you blame her? It's the only thing around here not covered in garlic.
Mr.
moseby, don't be alarmed, but there is a sea creature with teeth the size of surfboards under the boat this very minute! - Did you see it? - No.
- Did you get a picture of it? - No.
- Do you have proof of any kind? - Yes.
This.
Wow, I'll call the newspapers, and tell them you discovered rope.
No, gurdy bit it.
Ask Bailey.
- Tell him.
- Well - It could have been gurdy.
- See? Or a shark.
- Who asked you? - Uh, you did.
Uh, you could have backed me up.
Uh, I'll leave you two alone.
I can't believe you didn't just support me.
It's not me.
The evidence didn't support you.
Well, I'll have you know my research is airtight.
I read a history of the area, saw a cave painting depicting the sea monster and interviewed several natives.
Great, let me know when you interview gurdy.
But that's not research.
That's a hunch.
Oh, well, sometimes the greatest discoveries are based on a hunch.
Science isn't only hard fact.
It also is imagination.
I'll have you know I have tons of imagination.
I once wrote a musical for all the mice in our barn.
Yeah? How did that go? It was fantastic Until the cat ate our star Right in the middle of his big jazz number.
Poor squeakers.
- Zack? - Hmm? Why do you have a piece of soggy meat with a bobber? Because I'm galapagos gurdy.
( Gasps ) Congratulations! You got the lead in the high school musical.
No, it's not a musical.
It's a science project-- Cody and Bailey's-- and I'm messing with it.
How come? Because, young woodchip, they abandoned us and made us do our own work.
But isn't it better for us to do the work ourselves, so we actually learn something and grow as people? And I'm enjoying being self-sufficient.
It's given me a sense of pride and accomplishment.
I can't talk to you people.
Doing here? Beaker "a": Nothing.
Beaker "b": Nothing.
Beaker "c": Whoa mama.
Beaker "c" represent! Whoa.
( Chuckling ) ( Clears throat ) You'd better have a good reason for ditching the group, or next time your mother calls, she'll hear, "Zack Martin? I'm afraid we have no record of him.
" Oh yeah, I can make that happen.
( Evil chuckle ) I have an excellent reason.
I'm messing with Cody's project again.
Oh, okay.
- Ooh, it's hideous.
- It's just a toy.
- It's a hideous toy.
- Here, hold this camera and take a picture of gurdy.
More to the left.
More to the right.
- More scary.
- ( Growls ) - ( Screams ) Not that scary! - Just take the picture.
- Got it.
- ( Cell rings ) Oh, I just got a text from Woody.
- It says, "help.
" - Then go help him.
But I'm the boss and bosses don't work.
They boss.
Then why don't you boss yourself to go help? Ooh, I can do that.
London, go help Woody.
Good? Perfect.
Oh, and by the way, London, I order you to be more pretty.
I'm afraid that's impossible, London.
I know, London.
I'm just kidding with you.
( Giggles ) Okay, boss lady's here.
What's the "big problem"? ( Muffled ) Are you kidding me? Well, if you're not gonna tell me, forget it.
Whoa! Cody, you know what's great about sitting out here all night with you? - What? - Nothing.
I should have done this report on penguins.
You know what's great about penguins? They're real.
Well, I'm not giving up.
I have confidence that before this night is out, gurdy will show herself.
- Uh, Cody.
- No no no no no.
I don't want anymore of your negativity, nonbeliever.
- Cody.
- Just walk away and do your report on your precious little penguins.
Don't hit me! Don't hit me! ( Reel ratcheting ) - Sweet sea monster.
- What do we do? Pull up the camera.
Forget the pole.
( Panting ) This is it.
Next stop: The cover of "science monthly," or at the very least, "sea monster fancy.
" We got it.
A picture Of galapagos gurdy! I hate to put a damper on things, - but is that a nose? - Of course it's a nose.
What's she gonna breathe out of? Her eyes? It's a human nose.
What you talkin' about, Bailey? ( Mutters ) Zack.
( Laughs ) What are you laughing at? Come on, lighten up, Cody.
It's funny.
Well, excuse me if I don't laugh because my brother has ruined my life's work.
You've been working on this since Tuesday.
It would be your life's work if you were a fruit fly.
- You've been against me from the start.
- No, I have not.
You've let your emotions get in the way of your scientific detachment.
( Sobbing ) No one is more emotionally detached than I am.
That's it.
I'm going back to my room now to write my report.
And I'm going to state my two major findings-- one, there is no galapagos gurdy; and two, my project partner is a major loon! - ( Clicks ) - And I have a picture to prove it.
Streaks streaks streaks! No no no.
This is how you do it.
( Screams ) Would you just go that way? Oh.
What are you doing? Uh, my science project.
Isn't that Cody's underwater camera? Maybe.
You're sabotaging your brother's project.
Cody and I usually work as a team on projects, but this time he abandoned me.
He's already discovered galapagos gurdy.
But now he's going to find one of her babies.
Here, and you can help.
No no no no no no no.
I will do no such thing.
I am not going to help you undermine your brother's hard work simply because you're lazy.
( Stammering ) Lazy? Excuse me? I had to lug this costume all the way from the party room.
Have you ever considered how your brother's going to feel if you do this? Nope.
You know, there's a word for people like you.
Is it "macho"? No, it's "selfish.
" Look, I know my brother and he won't hold this against me.
- Mm-hmm.
- ( Clicking ) "Zack, I'll hate your forever.
Cody.
" You think he's serious? "P.
S.
I'm serious.
" Here, gurdy.
Who's a good sea monster? You are.
Yes, you are.
I've lost my mind.
Scientifically speaking, I concur.
Bailey, you were right.
I was stupid to think that gurdy ever existed.
Look, I know how disappointed you must be.
No, you don't.
Hey, my great Uncle clem tried to track down bigfoot for 20 years.
He had casts of giant footprints, samples of hair.
Then, one day, just when he was about to give up, - he found his answer.
- He found bigfoot? Nope, it turns out there's this really hairy woman in the next town over with size 28 feet who likes to hike.
That's a lovely story.
But shockingly, it doesn't make me feel any better.
The point is, while I realize a good scientist must have a logical mind He must also have a touch of the poet.
What do you say we slap something together about penguins and try and salvage our "a"? I already wrote it up and I could put your name on it.
Well, if you did that, I would be taking credit and I wouldn't have done any of the work.
I hope you're not too disappointed about gurdy.
Well, if I had to have my nobel-prize dream shattered, - I'm glad it was with you.
- Thank you.
Besides, I guess some legends are just legends.
( Splashes ) Whoa! What happened? It's our science project.
We created it with my power mega smoothie.
Wouldn't happen to have a weed whacker on you, would you? Woody: Don't pull on it.
It only makes it angry.
Don't worry.
I know exactly what to do.
- Oh.
- ( All chuckle ) I'll go sleep in Zack's room.
All: Huh? This is awful.
Don't worry.
We'll find a way to get out of this.
No, I meant I have an itch on my nose.
Thank you, vine monster.
( Giggles ) ( All scream )
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