The Watch (2020) s01e08 Episode Script

1
ANGUA: Welcome to Ankh-Morpork.
CARCER: The future
will soon be in flames.
VIMES: Carcer.
VETINARI: There is a dragon
at large.
The key to controlling the dragon
is a talking sword called Wayne.
ANGUA: There are
other artefacts.
CHEERY: We need all of them
to control the dragon.
OBSERVER: Do not fail us again,
Carcer Dun or you will cease to exist.
Good morning, class.
What was she like?
This other me.
What was he like?
ANGUA: You still don't have
everything you need, Carcer.
We have no idea how many
artefacts there are.
There's just one more.
And it's you.
CARCER: Iron in the sword.
Iron in the bearer.
WAYNE: I go where the work is.
CARCER: Iron in the crown.
CHEERY: Where's the crown?
CARCER: Iron in its wearer.
WONSE: They shine
and shimmer
Wonse took my badge.
WONSE:in noon's first ray.
The blood and the badge.
Command the dragon.
Carcer has everything he needs.
Burn the day.
(DRAGON GROWLING)
VIMES: We've issued warnings.
Every imp from here to the Plains
has a brush out for Carcer.
My officers are out
searching the streets.
We need to clear them.
I've ordered my palace guards to help.
We'll find him.
Carcer can turn the dragon
on us at any moment.
We're out of time.
Why did you bring me down here?
That old thing?
It's been rusted shut for as long as I
can remember. Doesn't even have a
key.
When a Patrician fails
to protect his city,
the law demands that he be
deprived of his life,
or his liberty.
(GRUNTING)
Personally
I prefer the latter.
(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
You see, Vimes, you should
never build a dungeon
that you wouldn't
want to stay in yourself.
- Hmm.
- Keep us updated. If you can.
- You mean if I don't die?
- Ah, yes. And that, too.
If people know that
you're hiding away in here
All they'll ever know is the outside
of that cell door.
So as long as I go up to it,
moaning from time to time,
they'll think that I'm suffering
and be satisfied.
So let the people
have their bolts and bars
as long as you're the one
with the locks and keys.
Uh, don't you think you should stand by
the people in this, their darkest hour?
You mean, you're leaving us
on our own?
(DOOR LOCKING)
Don't you have a heart at all?
I'm not giving up, you hear me?
(DOOR THUDS)
Sorry, didn't mean
to startle you.
I was wondering if I could
ask you a small favour.
First, you're gonna answer
me some questions. Come on.
(MIMICS VIMES) You're gonna
answer me some questions.
WOMAN: (ON LOUDSPEAKER)
Citizens,
the waving bird is slightly
more dangerous
Hello, dragon.
than previously thought.
Please make your way to safety.
- Have you cleared the streets?
- They're not bloody listening.
- They never listen to us.
- It's like they don't want to believe
the world's ending
until it actually ends.
It's all right. I'll sort it.
Get off these bloody streets
right bloody now,
or you and your children
are all going to burn!
That was good.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
CARROT: If this all ends today,
I just wanna say, you know, that
Oh, bloody hell. Mirror?
You're magical, right? So
MIRROR:
Go on, Carrot, darling.
I wanted to know what to say to Angua,
you know, about
Shall we try a little role play?
Oh, Angua, you, uh,
you look great today.
Those boots make you
look really tall.
Not that you're small or anything.
Of course not.
Well, I mean you are a bit small
but that's fine because
I like small things.
Mmm.
(CARROT CLEARS THROAT)
Oh, Carrot, why don't
you tell her how you feel?
Angua, I
I
I think you're cool.
(BABY CRYING)
What happens when it's all gone?
We get to live.
In ruins?
In a better world.
I don't believe that any more.
Yeah? You beginning
to believe in Vimes then?
The good in Vimes powers a pattern that
endures through the multiverse.
Every version of The Watch
rising, giving hope.
If we break
that pattern just once,
maybe it breaks everywhere,
maybe they'll be no more good.
(CARCER GRUNTS)
It's too late.
Is it?
If they can erase you, why haven't they
done it to The Watch?
Vimes?
Do you know who or what
Carcer Dun's in business with?
Why would I know anything about that?
Ah, I see.
They sent him back here.
Just because I'm the anthropomorphic
personification
of a supernatural entity
You can appear and disappear
out of thin air, can't you?
I must be best friends
with all unexplained phenomena.
I didn't say that.
But you were thinking it!
- I need your help here!
- (DEATH GROWLS)
- We're facing extinction.
- It's not my fault.
- Up against all these strange forces.
- (GROANS) Oh, here we go.
I was just hoping maybe one
of them might be on our side?
(SIGHS) Oh, goodness.
Only one authority in existence
has the kind of power you're describing.
If you've upset them
Who's them?
They go by many names.
Unfortunately, if a human hears one of
those names their mind
immediately disintegrates.
Would you like me to tell you?
My mind's been disintegrating for the
last 20 years but let's skip the names.
Will you help me fight them?
Will you
let me join your band
- Oh, piss off, Death.
- That's mean.
CARCER: If the Watch
and the city survive today
then I get wiped from existence.
Reality. Memories. Everything.
Everything is what the rest of us
will lose if The Watch fall.
A world without good
and all it inspires.
- Hope. Love.
- (SCOFFS)
You'd still do it, wouldn't you?
Why should I sacrifice myself so the
rest of you can just, can just carry on?
You've got this all wrong.
You really don't know.
You could be a hero.
(WONSE GASPS)
I won't forget you, Wonse.
OBSERVER 1: Ooh, I didn't
see that coming.
OBSERVER 2: It's exactly
as I foresaw.
OBSERVER 1: Yeah, right.
THROAT: Hurry up, Clifford.
Till's not nicking itself.
Today. Round the back
of the counter. There.
Looting is still
illegal, Throat.
Not when you're
in The Thieves' Guild.
And especially not when you're head
of The Thieves' Guild.
They made you their leader?
Most have fled.
The rest wanted someone with guts.
You know, vision.
This is your vision?
This is what you do when the world's
about to go up in flames?
Soon there'll be no shops to loot,
nobody to rob, nothing to steal.
Just fire and ash.
All the more reason to get
what you can while you can.
- Oh, for god's sake.
- Wonse?
I said the till, Cliff.
Does she look like a bloody till?
CARROT: What have you
got there?
If Carcer's got any sense
he'll attack here first.
Thousands of tinderbox homes.
Fire will spread fast.
- (DOOR BANGING OPEN)
- She's lost a lot of blood. Cheery?
CARROT: What's she doing here, Captain?
ANGUA: What's going on?
(WONSE WHIMPERS IN PAIN)
- VIMES: All right.
- (WONSE GROANS)
ANGUA: She shouldn't be here.
SYBIL: You can't trust her, Vimes.
- (WONSE GASPS)
- We won't hurt you.
(WONSE GRUNTS)
I can help you find him.
I know where he's headed.
Here.
SYBIL: Sunset Street?
WONSE: There's a sun dial.
- "Noon's first ray."
- "Command the dragon and burn the day."
Noon's in twenty minutes.
Why does everything
have to be in 20 minutes?
If Carcer does this,
the dragon will bow down before him?
It'll do everything the bearer
of the artefacts commands.
Well then it's simple. When he shows
his face, I'll bloody shoot him in it.
VIMES: We'll have to be fast.
I'll help you.
You saw what he did to me.
Besides, this isn't
about loyalty, okay?
It's about what kind
of universe we want to live in.
You've done enough, Wonse.
Rest.
How long between Carcer stepping
into the sun and the dragon being
under his control?
Uh, a moment.
When it comes,
what if I can distract it?
Buy us more time.
As far as we're aware,
it hasn't eaten today.
And we all know what it likes.
I know this might come
as a shock to you all, but
I'm a virgin.
(ALL MURMURING)
- Aw!
- You have to be kidding me.
- That's incredible.
- No, can't be.
(GOBLIN SPEAKING)
I'll try to attract
its attention.
Thank you for sharing, Carrot.
Very brave.
The magical lure of the artefacts
will be intense.
A single virgin won't be enough.
(SIGHS)
CARROT: Sally?
- Hello?
- You came back.
Do you want a cookie?
Sally, how many virgins
are in your support group?
One more now.
- Dig them up.
- Why would she need to dig them up?
For real.
Who is this crazy chick?
The dragon's not the only reason virgins
are disappearing from the streets.
- (PANTING)
- (HISSING)
- (MIAOWING)
- (HISSING)
What are you two doing?
Yeah. What are we doing?
Dig them up. Now!
WOMAN: (ON LOUDSPEAKER)
Citizens,
Lord Vetinari wishes you all well,
and thanks you for your contribution to
the rich, varied life of this city.
It's been fun, seriously.
So, so much fun.
VIMES: (WHISPERING)
Where is he?
He has to show himself
any second now.
Vimes,
I want you to know
that even if I do get
my hands on those artefacts,
you can trust me.
I trust you to do
the right thing.
Really?
Because we argue all the time.
You wanted to throw
Wayne into the lake, I didn't.
You wanted
to release Skimmer, I didn't.
I was very happy
to hand him over to Cruces.
Even at your worst,
you're a thousand times
better and kinder and truer
than I could ever be.
When this is all over,
do you have plans?
What do you mean, plans?
Plans.
Plans.
MAN: Quickly!
You keep running.
Don't look back.
Looking back only tells the predator
it's definitely gonna catch you.
I've already been caught.
Angua, I know you could never
- Now you know what I am
- You're a dwarf.
Also not a dwarf.
(ANGUA CHUCKLES)
Carrot, look, for what it's worth,
I really think you're
Carrot, honey, if this works
and the dragon goes away,
every virgin will be safe?
Everyone will be safe.
Doesn't matter
if you're a virgin.
- It doesn't?
- Of course not.
So for argument's sake, let's say
virgins kept on disappearing
- We'd investigate.
- Yeah?
Yeah.
WAYNE: Is now a good time
to discuss my requirements?
- Quiet.
- Because if we're burning this world
and building a new one,
I have some demands.
Hear me out now.
I should like to be worshipped
as a sexual deity.
You're in no position
to make demands.
WAYNE: I want my own
temple of ecstasy,
for all true lovers to cavort around as
gayly and freely as they please.
- CARROT: Carcer. He's here.
- This, this is the way of Wayne.
Get ready.
WAYNE: We will
spare the lovers, won't we?
CARCER: Shut up.
It's time.
Soon as it shows.
(YELLS)
(RUMBLING)
(DRAGON ROARS)
WAYNE: Dragon, ignore this dickhead
and do as you will.
(DRAGON ROARS)
WAYNE: It actually
worked this time.
Is he controlling it?
It's circling us.
- Is Carcer making it do that?
- Why would he?
WAYNE: Oh, no.
I think it may have backfired.
Yeah. It's really
quite pissed off.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
(DRAGON ROARING)
(DRAGON GROWLING)
(ROARING)
This is it!
Virgins! On me!
Stay.
(DRAGON RUMBLES)
I know that sound.
(CHEERY HUMMING)
(DRAGON RUMBLES)
CHEERY: Oh, shit.
(DRAGON GROWLS)
- Cheery!
- ANGUA: Cheery!
VIMES: Cheery!
(DRAGON ROARS)
CARCER: Sam.
It was the dragon.
It ate them.
The badge, the crown, the sword.
Even your friend.
And now it's gonna burn you all.
You lose today, Sam.
And for once I get to win.
(CARCER COUGHS)
(DRAGON ROARING)
(DRAGON ROARING)
CARCER: I know
how that thing feels.
Doesn't wanna be caged.
Controlled.
VIMES: People
are dying, Carcer.
Help us.
- (DRAGON ROARS)
- I can't.
Whoever sent you back from
the future must have the power to
They don't want to help you.
I know why you want it all gone.
And I agree with you,
the whole city's rigged.
That's not why I did this.
I didn't have a choice.
I've never had a choice.
The first time I killed,
it was him or me.
But you,
you chose to let me fall.
- Right into their hands.
- Whose hands?
CARROT: Listen to what's
happening out there.
- Don't you care?
- Why should I?
I was always gonna be
the villain in this story.
CARROT: We'll save everybody.
CARCER: You'll never make captain now.
CARROT: With or without your help.
- You'll die.
- We'll find a way.
Just like your dwarf friend.
The fact that
I'm still breathing, still here,
the fact that you still
remember my name,
means that you and everything
you stand for ends today.
But me?
I'll be spared,
and not just by some dragon.
Who's going to spare you?
(SCOFFS)
(DISTANT ROAR)
When I hear your screams,
I'll know.
For the first time in my life,
I'll know
- that it's fair.
- (THUNDER RUMBLES)
(SPIKE SHUDDERING)
Last report said it was
heading for the Upper Side.
It's burning everything.
Street by street.
It must have a weakness.
A vulnerability.
- (GOODBOY CRIES)
- Do not shake him like that.
He's a dragon, isn't he?
He must be able to do something.
You're frightening him.
And me, for that matter.
If Cheery couldn't
find anything,
what chance do we have?
(SPIKE SOBBING SOFTLY)
My father always said,
"It's better to light a candle
"than curse the darkness."
VIMES: That thing's like
a lit flamethrower.
Soon, there'll be
nothing left but darkness.
Cheery was afraid
of the dark,
and then they realised
it wasn't so bad.
Well, they wouldn't let us
spend our last hours
like this, would they?
No, they'd get
the tambourine out.
VIMES: You're alive!
(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)
Yeah, I'm a bit
shocked too.
Especially since the dragon
literally dropped me.
It dropped you?
Ow!
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
Too experienced
for its tastes.
Yeah, she dropped me
Into a forest.
Speaking of which, can somebody
do something with this please.
It's an egg.
Thank you.
Oh, that's mine.
Cheers, I've been
looking for that.
Where's Goodboy.
There's Goodboy.
You're a good boy
aren't you?
(COOING)
(GOODBOY SCREECHES)
The Dragon
is pissed.
Proper pissed.
I know this because we
had a chat.
- A chat?
- CHEERY: Well, I say chat.
It was kind of
bit more like a
(IMITATES DRAGON GROWL)
and then it was a bit
of screaming from my part.
Lot of
(GRUNTING)
You know
(IMITATES DRAGON GROWL)
(IMITATES SCREAMING)
I've had worse conversations
believe me.
She feels threatened.
She feels like we want
to kill her or capture her.
So she's gonna do what any cornered
animal would do?
But I think I know
how to stop it.
You're head is bleeding.
- Is it?
- Hmm.
Oh! Oh, right.
That's fine. If I collapse, then,
transfuse my blood.
(COOING TO GOODBOY)
What you all gawking at?
Come on.
We've got a city to save.
Chop-chop.
Oi, Spike
we're gonna need power.
Pretty exposed here.
We should run towards the danger
everyone else runs away from.
Bastard's gonna
burn everybody.
Are you sure about this,
Cheery?
After the dragon took me
I realised that that roar
we've been hearing
it's not a roar.
It's a song.
Goodboy's song.
I think they're both lonely.
If I'm right, then all we need to
do is amplify the song.
- Boost it.
- And then?
Noble Dragon
should be attracted to it.
We release Goodboy
and then maybe
Maybe?
Well, either he stops her
from destroying everything,
or this is will be the shortest
gig that we ever play.
Then let's play like
we'll never play again.
(UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING
ON HEADPHONES)
(RUMBLING)
(SIGHS)
(JAZZ MUSIC CONTINUES)
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
(THUNDER CLAPS)
(MUSIC PLAYING AT A DISTANCE)
(GROWLING)
CHEERY: It's not working.
(YELLING) Louder!
(SCREECHES)
(GROWLING)
It's coming.
Now, Lady Ramkin.
(GOODBOY CHITTERING)
(RUMBLING)
It's almost on us.
Be safe, Goodboy.
(CHITTERING)
Remember to breathe, Goodboy.
Breathe.
(DISTANT GROWL)
(GOODBOY CHITTERS)
(GROWLING)
(GOODBOY CHITTERING)
(DRAGON GROWLING)
(DISTANT BANG)
(LAUGHS)
(SOBS)
Best damn gig of our lives
and no one saw.
We saw.
(GROANS)
(CRACKLING)
(PANTING)
I'm sorry.
I'll never forget you.
(WONSE CRYING)
CHEERY:
We are the Watch.
(ALL CHUCKLE)
CHEERY: Who's there?
We are!
VIMES: Well done, team.
(CHUCKLES)
Why, thank you.
He's been erased.
Come to hand
yourself in?
Lupine Wonse, we're arresting
you for the theft of a Grimoire
from Unseen University Library.
- The summoning of a Noble Dragon
- Oh, wait!
I just helped you
save the city.
You tried
to burn the city.
(EXHALES)
You don't remember him
He fell from the roof.
What are you
talking about?
After he killed John Keel
he fell from the roof.
You killed John Keel.
You killed him
when I couldn't.
I should've arrested you
that night.
- Carrot.
- No wait.
- Vimes, please listen
- Hands.
They've rewritten reality.
- Do as he says.
- You think I did everything Carcer did?
But I know different.
- Who's Carcer?
- I'm not the enemy here.
- Hands. Now.
- No. Wait.
This is uncut Slab.
This is uncut Slab.
I light it
and anyone
in a two-mile radius
is gonna have
the worst day of their lives.
You mean the last day
of their lives.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
Don't follow.
I remember him.
Do you hear me?
I know you're watching.
I'm the only one
who remembers him.
And you.
What if I told everybody
that you're out there?
What if they all knew
what you're going to do?
(ELECTRICAL STATIC)
(RUMBLING)
OBSERVER:
What do you want?
Power like yours.
Why should we
give you power?
So I can destroy
The Watch.
ALL: We're listening.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
So Wonse
is still at large?
But we're doing everything
in our power to find her, sir.
And you're certain
the Noble Dragon won't return?
It's free.
Hand it over,
there's a love.
Come on, come on.
THROAT: Write the lady
a receipt, Tim.
There's a good boy.
How reassuring it is
to see everything back to normal.
Oh, not often we see you
out on the streets, My Lord.
I have a delicate complexion.
Seems to agree with these nice
clear skies though.
And your new responsibilities
seem to be agreeing with you?
I'm not really
in it for the thieving.
It's the people you get to meet.
Good. Because in light
of The Watch's success,
I am considering
reducing the quota.
Reduction, sir? Tim.
I've called an emergency meeting
of the City Council,
and all the heads of the guilds
are expected to attend.
The Assassins
still don't have a leader
after the disappearance
of Doctor Cruces.
Yes, the power vacuum
in The Assassins' Guild
will certainly be top
of the agenda.
- Oh.
- And The Watch
will need
a representative.
I hardly think
that I'm suitable, sir.
We all know that, Vimes.
A reduction in the quota
is a fantastic idea.
The Watch are more than ready
to pick up the slack.
My Lord.
Oh, thank you for your
approval, Lady Ramkin.
But we will need
more officers though.
Will we?
(SCOFFS) Be there.
Why do we have to be
on the posters, Cheery?
We're The Watch,
which means
- Anybody can be.
- VIMES: I know.
Even if the quotas
do come down,
there's still The Thieves' Guild
and The Assassins' Guild.
A whole lot of wrong
we can't touch.
But there's a whole lot of wrong
we can touch, sir.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
Well, I guess you better
put these up then.
Everywhere you can.
You're not coming out
with us, Captain?
I've got plans.
Plans, sir?
Plans.
So then I told Vetinari
that The Assassins
should fill their power vacuum
by holding democratic elections
for their new leader.
It was agreed
14 to 7
that I should be the one
to administer it all.
So just you wait.
I'll have them
out of business inside a year.
(CHUCKLES)
Oh, erm
Got a light?
Goodboy's gone.
This is what I saw.
Us.
Here.
In the future.
Our future.
More wine?
Yes, lovely.
(GRUNTS)
(SPITS)
(GASPS)
No. No, no,
no, no, no.
Do you know how many different
varieties of cabbage
they have at the farm
your friend despatched us to?
Three hundred.
My favourite was the uh,
Klatchian Clutcher.
- You don't dig it up?
- (GRUNTS)
It jumps out
of the ground at you.
Such a persistent vegetable.
(SCREAMS AND GROANS)
Keeps coming at you.
Just will not give up.
- (GROANS)
- (GRUNTS)
The only way to stop it.
Is to cut out its heart.
(GRUNTS)
There is no power vacuum
in The Assassins' Guild.
And there will be
no election.
Or witnesses.
Remember?
(GRUNTS)
(GROANS)
- (GASPS)
- (GROANS)
(GRUNTS)
Yes, I didn't
see anything.
ALICE: No, wait.
You really are a good singer.
No!
- Um
- I'm so sorry about that.
I had some business
to take care of.
You've got
Sam how do you always manage
to have such filthy skin?
You You, uh
And those scrawny little legs
really do need fattening up.
Look, what I'm trying
to tell you is, uh
My legs need what?
Nutrition.
I'll sort it out.
- Sybil.
- Sam.
- Sybil.
- Sam.
You have a fork
in your back.
A what?
So I have.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
I should take that out.
Well. If you're still here
when I get back,
then I'll know you're really mine.
Well, that was well
and truly wedged in
deep.
Sam?
REALM RECEPTIONIST: The following
announcement is for your safety.
As a mortal being
in an interdimensional eternity
please keep away
from the edge.
If you fall,
you will fall forever.
And die forever.
In eternal, endless agony.
Enjoy your visit
to the Observers' Realm.
I thought you
weren't our enemy?
I wasn't.
VIMES: Oh, bollocks.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)