Thirtysomething (1987) s01e08 Episode Script
Weaning
1 Hi.
What you got? Ohh! Look how pretty.
Look.
Look at this, honey.
Hmm? It's ridiculous.
We haven't generated assessment reports since May.
Have you missed them? We're in a terrible rush.
Would you mind? Oh.
Sure.
No problem.
I mean, he's justifying his entire promotion.
That's what he's doing.
You should have heard Records crying to me on the phone about this morning.
They're talking about needing a whole new database now.
It's perfect.
I don't know.
Between work, which I don't even want to talk about, and this exercise class, which is now being taught by the Marquis de Sade, I don't even have time to have a relationship with this guy that I'm scared to death to have a relationship with.
No comment.
Did you get robbed or what? But if you had the time? Is everything okay in there? I think so.
She She just needs to be Oh, we just need to be alone together.
Well, if I had the time and he had the time I don't know.
We'd probably be at the "I don't think this is working" stage by now.
Is everything okay in there? She won't take the breast.
Oh.
Is Is that weird? Not exactly normal.
Calories or calcium depletion? Calorie.
So get to the dirt.
So nothing.
Hey, it's just that that he decided because we have no time that that we should go away together.
What? It's just to Bucks County for the weekend.
It's not Europe or anything.
We just figured we should get to know each other outside work, that's all.
This is so romantic.
Yeah.
Then why do I feel like I have to throw up all the time? Ah.
It's like the old days.
Plus I have to figure out what to wear for two whole days and one whole night.
Aah! - Oh, yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
I remember when Michael and I first met and we were both working such long hours, we could only have these intense stolen moments together.
It was so exciting.
Everything.
Every look, every word every Oh, God.
What? - Now I'm depressed.
- Me, too.
First I spend an hour and a half exercising, then in ten minutes, I nullify its effect.
Hope? Honey, have you seen my notes? Oh, I don't believe this.
Where did I put these notes? Was this decaf I just drank? Do think I've been up for 2 hours and 42 minutes on decaf? Oh, this is gonna be a fun morning, hon.
Is she okay? Oh, why did I tell him I'd bring the notes? Now he can laugh at me for yelling at him for being irresponsible, which he is.
Now we're having the sitter I insisted on having, and I can't find my notes! How did those get in there? Oh, sweetie, life is so Come here.
Here's your tyrannosaurus.
Stegosaurus.
Yeah, and Daddysaurus has to go.
Don't go.
Oh, honey.
Give me this lip.
I want this lip right here.
Mmm Can't you go in late just once - and stay and play with us? - You know, other wives, honey, they pressure their husbands "Where's the money?" "Why don't you go to work?" Couldn't you start nagging me to support you in the manner to which you've never become accustomed? - Michael.
- Daddy? Go! No! Good one! Ethan! Put the shovel down! Now! Thank you.
Ohh.
Ellyn looks great, huh? Fabulous.
Look, that sand is getting into everything you have on.
Yes, it is.
She's in love with this incredible guy, and she's having No, honey, don't go away.
There you go, sweetheart.
Um, she's having this glamorous career Um, you didn't bring any rice crackers, did you? Uh I'll check.
Oh no, honey.
We left the Legos at home.
Want to play with your shovel? Come on, let's go play in the sand.
Hi, sweetie.
Can Brittany play with you? There you go, baby.
You sit here.
- And here's your shovel.
- Here you go, Brittany.
Do you know the weird thing is that I'm actually beginning to like kids' food? Yeah, it's either that or starve.
Okay.
We never seem to have any money anymore.
No, of course not.
You're living off of your husband's earnings now.
I mean, you'd feel too guilty if you spent some money on yourself.
Isn't that weird? I mean, Michael and I were always equals.
I never used to have to ask him for money the way I do now.
See, husbands have it so easy.
They go to work, and then we're there to take care of the kids.
But if we'd worked, we'd have to hire someone to leave the kids with.
Is motherhood, like, a lost art or something? We're dinosaurs.
Okay, you can do the tri-state spiel.
I get to do the rabbit joke.
So you're saying all the fun stuff.
I'm funnier than you are.
This is ridiculous.
You know, we're sitting here rehearsing what we're gonna say at dinner.
What are we so nervous about? We already have the job.
Because you know he doesn't believe we can do it.
He'll believe we can do it when he sees the commercial.
I'm telling you, tonight should be purely friendly.
You know? Let's put him at ease.
We show him we're smart, funny, professional.
Then we go throw up.
Are we right to bring our wives? I'm tired of getting yelled at for eating in fancy restaurants without her.
I keep telling her, "Honey, we don't want to eat in fancy restaurants.
" We have to impress clients.
" - Right.
- Right.
- Right.
- I think it'd be good for her to come tonight.
She's always home with Janey.
You know, we're really lucky.
We have wives who want to stay home with the kids so we can go out and do things that need to be done.
Uh-huh.
You know, I think Hope's really happy.
They seem to have embraced this motherhood thing in a really great way.
Did you ever think of having an affair? I don't have time to read the back of a cereal box.
Now, I mean, not the specific person part.
Just oh, I don't know, just that general affair part.
No.
I don't know.
Not Michael.
I feel like I used to have this incredibly productive career, and and I thought I still did, only, you know, the agreement was I'd take X amount of time off, and then I would go back.
We just never figured out what X amount was.
Mmm I don't know.
What? What is it? So, tonight's the famous dinner with Larry.
Ha.
I'd do anything to get out of that tonight.
I hate their business dinner.
Nancy, when when you stopped nursing Brittany Hold on.
Ethan! Ethan, you get back here right this minute! Ethan! Ethan! So.
What do you do? I am I'm She just had a baby girl.
Oh, that's wonderful! How old is she? - Nine months.
- Oh.
She's almost a toddler.
I have two kids of my own.
Arielle's 3, and little Jamie's 5 1/2.
Which is why when Alex gives you a market profile, you'd better believe it's right.
She is the best.
Now, she's gonna keep you honest about who you tell me I'm reaching.
I'm even working out their database for when you go national.
- Really, I understand - Oh, so you were behind the numbers we just got.
Hey, that was detailed stuff.
You know, the mothers in management positions by age, zip code.
Glad you liked it.
Did you read the appendix I sent along with it? Uh yes.
Psychological profiles of working mothers.
- Yeah.
Now, what are there, like, six patterns? - Yeah.
- The mothers who work that I - We use the pattern approach more and more.
It's very predictive of spending curve.
It's demographics merely lumped together, all sorts of past sampling eras Hey.
Am I invisible here or what? Hello.
Hello! Can you hear me? No.
Of course not.
I'm a housewife.
I should wear a sign that says "New Mommy.
Former Phi Beta Kappa.
" Now brain-dead.
Please speak only in monosyllables.
" Where's my head? We've got our expert resident mommies right here in front of us.
Now, what do you think mothers want from a diaper, huh? One that'll change itself.
Well, I guess I'm concerned with the polyacrylate crystals that are in the diapers that your markets sell because of the relationship between super-absorbency and toxic shock.
For example, if a diaper wasn't changed often enough and the baby had open lesions from diaper rash, well, but the makers say that that can't happen with diapers, and I'm And I'm sure they're right.
It's a fine point.
Yeah.
I used to work for a magazine that was concerned with consumers' rights.
Oh.
Excuse me.
I think I'll call the sitter.
Well and I guess you could just try to give her a bottle.
Ohh I'll be home as soon as we can.
Bye.
What the hell was that back there? You actually heard me.
I thought I was speaking in tongues.
Why don't you just throw your dinner on 'em and really make a statement? Is she okay? What's the matter? She crying.
I don't know what the matter is.
Oh.
Let's go back to the table, and then we'll call again in a few minutes.
I can't go back to the table.
Look at me.
- My milk came in when I heard her crying.
- Ohh Can you cover it up? With what? My sweater's at the table.
- Michael doesn't feel well.
- Sitter problems.
Adams is bringing it up for Denver.
We are tied.
Sixers against Denver.
On the outside, Chase Do it.
And Denver takes the lead.
Hope.
I feel like the woman in a novel who's gonna have a nervous breakdown.
No one notices, not even her husband.
That would be hard with you.
How come you get to be totally unscathed by parenthood and I'm totally blown apart? I don't even know if I'm doing it right.
You're doing everything right.
I think Janey's weaning herself.
Really? I didn't e I didn't know kids weaned themselves.
I thought you had to, like, you know, deny them the breast for about a year so they end up resenting you and becoming orally fixated and wind up as alcoholics.
Apparently, some of them wean themselves.
When their mothers aren't even ready.
She's growing up.
- Oh, honey, she can't even walk yet.
- I know.
I know it sounds stupid, but I feel like I can't - even meet her basic needs anymore.
- Oh, that's not true.
I don't know.
I mean, this isn't exactly left-brain material.
I mean, I didn't even know what an instinct was before.
I mean, you know what your instincts are, I mean, war, killing, spitting.
Nursing was natural.
I mean, it felt right.
It felt more right than anything I've ever done.
And now it's ending.
I mean, I was one with her.
And now she doesn't need me anymore.
Well, she needs Ziggy the Zebra.
- She needs apricots and tapioca.
- Right.
She needs lots of baby wipes.
She She needs your love and your patience and your wisdom and and everything for the rest of her life.
She needs you.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Hope! Oh, it's so good to see you! - Ohh! - Ohh! Look-it! Look who's here! What are you doing here? Well, we were in the neighborhood, and we were looking for some pj's.
And I thought, Why not stop and say hi? I send you to cover a hearing in City Hall.
It takes you a year to get back? Oh, what's it like, Mommy? Well, it's, uh incredible.
I mean, I don't know what to tell you.
You are gazing upon the best thing that's ever happened to me.
It beats being the head of Research? Well, the pay's a lot better.
- Can I hold her? - Sure.
- Oh, she's too cute.
- There you go.
Oh, I want one.
- I want this one.
- Aw.
Would you like to work here? Maybe she could finish the EPA article.
You haven't put that one to bed yet? That was going to be our big coup.
You have been gone a while.
The whole thing went on hold.
We lost our source.
Moyer, he was the one who begged us to write it in the first place.
Your friend Moyer was indicted and stopped giving interviews.
- Excuse me, Hope.
- Oh, sorry.
I seem to be blocking the way.
Hi.
Moyer was indicted? Val, do you want to see these files on the Simpson Yeah, yeah, in a minute.
I should let you get back to work.
Here.
Well, look, it's been great seeing you.
Talk to the foreman.
He doesn't have And, well, about your baby, uh, she's almost as pretty as mine was.
I'll call you sometime when you're not so crazed.
- Yeah.
- Take care, Hope.
- Bye-bye.
- Bye, Hope.
Thanks for stopping by.
See, Janey? Mommy used to sit there.
She was a very stressed-out editor of a very controversial magazine.
People used to fear her voice on the phone.
Oh.
Excuse me.
Oh.
Sorry.
Oh, you can stay.
I have a staff meeting.
- It's okay.
Thanks.
- Sure.
Val.
Moyer had an assistant at EPA.
Half the time, I talked to him.
I know he went back to Rutgers.
Was he indicted, too? Do you remember his name? No.
But I'll bet the thing to do is to call the biology department, say you're doing a survey on I guess you guys already know that.
No, I'll get Cooper on it right away.
Let's see if her imagination is as strong as her ambition.
- Thanks, Hope.
- Anytime.
Bye.
Bye.
- Hello.
- Let me get this.
- Thank you.
- See you.
All right, we're set, everybody.
Let's try to get a rehearsal.
Linda, are you ready? Do I say it after I come in or while I'm at the door? He has four lines while you're at the door.
Come on.
Ready, and go.
Oh, you made it home.
I've got a meeting in an hour, the babysitter's late, and now Janey's diaper leaked.
Don't worry, honey.
You'll make your meeting, and I'll make mine.
I went to Larry's Market and got SuperDipes.
Larry's Markets When you don't have time, we make the time.
See? With SuperDipes, you don't have to worry about pre-moistened wipes because they come with the diaper.
Wow.
Sure makes it easy.
Larry's works for moms who work.
Oh, so we can spend more precious time playing with our children.
Now we can both make our meetings.
Changing the way the Delaware Valley shops, Larry's Markets.
And cut.
Okay.
Uh, Donna, what was the time on that? - A little long.
- Okay.
Hi.
Hi.
This is a surprise.
Girls are here.
- Hi.
- Hi.
What do you think? About what? War and Peace.
Oh, God, what is it? It's fine.
It's a commercial.
You hate it.
No, I I It's great.
I just Well, honey, we're just selling diapers here, okay? I mean, it's not, um, it's not, uh Oh, come on.
This is a big thing for us.
You had to use Janey's name? Yeah.
I thought you'd like that.
Okay.
Is that what you think it is, Mom and Dad rush in, change the diaper, bye, kid? It's just a commercial.
And commercials have no influence.
How important is it to us that I stay home and take care of Janey? Honey, you can do what you want.
This is insane, honey.
Uh, this it's a commercial directed towards working mothers, you know? I'm sorry.
It's not a value judgment.
Next week, I'll make one directed towards non-working mothers.
Yes, I am a non-working mother.
You're taking this unbelievably personally.
I'm quite ready to admit that.
I mean, maybe I didn't see the commercial.
Maybe I'm hallucinating.
Maybe I'm 29 and single and the president of a multinational corporation.
Hi.
Hi.
Sorry to make you come down, but I didn't want to wake Janey up again.
Ah.
So this is outside.
An interesting concept.
I haven't experienced this in about four weeks.
How's Steve? Steve? Steve? Fine.
He gave me this look in the hallway today, like, this look, like Like "I can't wait till this weekend, can you?" look.
And there are all these people standing around completely seeing my blush.
And? And? And what? I just walked away as fast as I could.
I can't take this.
Excuse me.
Don't ever go out with someone you work with.
- Have a nice day.
- Thanks a lot.
No kidding.
So.
So.
You gals just carefreely catting about, hitting all the hot spots? No, actually, I took Janey to my office today.
You went to your office? Yeah, well, I haven't been there in so long, and they wanted to see Janey.
You decided to go back to work.
- That is so great.
- I didn't say that.
- I said - I know what you said.
I'm glad you know me better than I know myself.
I just took Janey to Hope, you can be confused.
It's okay.
- You give me permission? - Yeah.
Oh, God, you were always so sure of everything.
Yeah, but that was college, and the choices were cheesesteaks and creature features or going up to the hill for pizza and checking out the boys.
Exactly.
I miss us.
I miss having the time to talk everything to death like we used to.
Yeah.
Me, too.
Well, Michael's probably home.
What? You just got here.
No.
Really? You were supposed to give me all the answers.
No, no, no, no.
You were supposed to do that for me.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Bye.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
You don't have to be sorry.
You just can't spend any of the money I make on the commercial, that's all.
How much money do you think you'll make this year? I mean, I know that with starting the business, it's not like the old paycheck days.
I was just wondering how much you thought you'd take out of it this year.
Uh, it'll be enough.
I mean, we borrowed from my parents for the house, and Yeah? So? Well, I mean, it's not like the old days when we were both working.
You know, now there's the baby and the house, and, well, I don't know.
So what are you saying? Honey, I just I think it's weird that we don't talk about this stuff.
I mean, we're up to what, 1,150 on the mortgage, and then there's the car.
That's another 350 with insurance, and taxes.
I mean, it just seems as fast as the money comes in, then it goes right back out again.
And I mean, it's not a criticism.
You know, there's clothes and food and Amy nine hours a week.
And you think you have to get rid of Amy.
I think I have to go back to work.
I think it's indulgent if I don't, and I don't think we have the money to be indulgent.
You think it's indulgent to take care of your kid? Listen, we can sell the car, you know.
I don't care.
We don't need a new car.
And, uh, worst comes to worst, we'll sell the house.
Michael.
No.
I mean, everything is choices.
You're making a choice right now to raise a kid.
I mean, I don't mind making sacrifices for that.
People want things to be easy.
I don't care if it's not easy.
You don't want me to go back to work.
I just I didn't know that you wanted to go back to work, that's all.
When did this come up? No, I I, uh, I'm thrilled if you want to go back to work.
I just don't want you to feel that you have to, that's all.
Honey, I don't know.
I mean, I've just been thinking.
There's a million issues to deal with, like what to do with Janey during the day, and I don't even know if Sheila Day will give me my job back.
I just feel that I need to be out in the world again.
Okay, so, uh, so this would be, like, full time, huh? I mean, right back in the swing of things again.
I don't know.
I mean, I figured I would try it part time.
I could do a lot of the work here at home.
I could go in for meetings, and that way I wouldn't have to leave Janey all day.
Part time.
Well, I That's great.
Yeah, I think you should do this.
I really I think you should.
You're going to have to help me.
- Yeah, of course.
- No, no, no.
Yucky life stuff like cooking and cleaning.
Yeah, I know, I know.
I mean, uh, I want you to be happy.
You do? Occasionally.
Just tell me how to get up the guts to ask Sheila Day.
- Amy.
- Hello, silly creature.
Are you being silly again? Hey, Amy, how you doing? - Fine.
And you? - Fine.
Bye, Amy.
Bye, Michael.
It was nice talking to you.
Bye, sweetie.
Good luck.
You don't need it.
Thanks.
So, Amy, uh Have you been a good girl? Guess what.
I'm thinking about going back to work part time.
Oh, that's great.
And I was wondering Thanks Uh, and I was wondering if maybe you could work a few more hours this week.
I mean, if the thing comes through.
Yeah, sure, I think so.
Great.
I mean, um, there's just one hitch.
If it turns out to be more than part time, it would mean a lot of hours, and I Uh I'd be paying you most of my I mean I'd have to find a day care situation.
I'm really sorry.
I know that you just started working for us, and But I wouldn't be able to afford This is totally stupid.
I don't even know if I'll get my job back, so why am I bringing this up anyway? I don't know.
Right.
Bye.
Surprised? Why should I be surprised? Give me a break.
I'm just wondering what took you so long.
You were the one who made the whole speech about commitment and choices in life.
I was afraid to come back until Janey was in college.
Look, Murdoch, I understand your position.
You're feeling frustrated.
You miss the action.
And you probably need the money.
But I told you we can't keep your position open for you.
Besides, Cooper has your job now.
What do you expect me to do, fire her? I'm just talking part time.
Maybe I can help her.
Even if she needed the help, and I'm not going to comment on that, that would mean that we would have to pay a person and a half for one job.
Why are you making this so hard on me? Murdoch, this is reality.
I have a budget I have to adhere to.
I've got worse problems in the research department.
So you're saying no.
Cooper drives me crazy sometimes.
She's smart.
She also gives new meaning to the word motivated.
I need one person here in the research department full time.
Real soon, we'd have to make a decision.
It can be you, or it cannot be you.
It's your choice.
Honey, could you stop by the cleaners on your way home and pick up the stuff? I think it's mostly yours, and I don't know when I'm going to get done.
Oh, yeah.
And I need you to write a check for the carpet cleaners because they're going to come and clean up the stain that Grendel made the day he was depressed.
What does he have to be depressed about? Oh, God, I need groceries.
Milk, butter, eggs, all the staples.
When am I going to find time? - Where's Amy? - She'll be here any second.
Good luck today.
Bye.
Bye-bye, sweetheart.
Is that the goodbye part? I mean, how do you do it? Don't you miss her? - Of course I miss her.
- Hello! Every single second.
Hi, Amy.
Bye, Amy.
Hey.
I love you.
Hi.
Hi, Janey.
Hi, baby.
How are you today? You love Amy, don't you, bumper stickers? Okay, now, the food's on the top shelf of the fridge.
She's really into peanut butter and bananas these days.
Her blanket's over here.
She should probably get sleepy around Around 10 or 10:30.
Yeah, I know.
Yeah, but this is all day.
Well, it's not really all day.
I should be home at the latest 2 or 3.
Take your time.
Okay, little podge, Mommy's got to go.
Bye, Mommy.
Oh, you are so cute and so smart, and Mommy loves you So messy So much.
Give me a kiss.
Give me a kiss.
Oh, say "Bye, Mom.
" You guys have a great day.
Oh, yeah.
My office phone number is right by Is by the phone.
Yeah, I know.
Bye.
Welcome back.
Even though I wasn't here when you left.
Thanks.
So I see you got all your school supplies.
Yeah.
That's exactly what I feel like.
I feel like I've been sick for two weeks and everybody learned long division while I was out.
What's that? Long division.
We're computerized now.
In ten months? Think they have any typewriters left? I think I've lost too many brain cells to learn the computer now.
You'll pick it up.
You need any help, just yell.
Thanks.
Sure.
Hope Murdoch, our new researcher.
Scared that he will be, which makes him not exactly cooperative.
Which means we're back where we were.
No.
We have a lot more records than we did last year.
These are from Philadelphia County alone.
Thanks.
And I'll bet I can show a connection between the two.
Hello.
Could we handle this later? Oh.
Okay.
Uh, more of the second, I think.
Then try a combination of approaches.
You can give her the apple juice by itself, if you want to.
All I'm saying is if you mix it with oatmeal, she's having some oatmeal to eat and not just drinking all that sugar.
Ohh! Ahh.
"My very best hat I see she wears.
" I just think that if the condiments don't dance around the frankfurter, you lose the whole integrity of the product.
Oh, Elliot, this This frankfurter, this is too passive, okay? He's not taking the active role.
And if he dances, he's not the center of attention.
Does the King of England dance? Did Vito Corleone dance? What? What are you talking about? There is no King of England.
What does this have to do with hot dogs? What does anything have to do with hot dogs? Well, no, I'm too tired, okay? I can't deal with this.
You just have everybody dance, and then have everybody go to sleep.
Janey weaned herself.
Isn't that great? I'm weaning myself.
A couple of more years, I should just about have it.
You think they're sexy when they nurse? I thought Nancy was kind of sexy.
Some women have climactic sexual experiences when they nurse.
That I'd like to see.
I don't know.
I was sort of looking forward to this, you know? I guess I thought I'd get her back or something after she stopped breastfeeding.
You mean like having sex more than once a month? Hey, I'll have you know that we have sex, like, once a week.
- Really? - Yeah.
That's incredible.
All that and two incomes? Man, you got it made.
Oh, and don't forget, we never see each other, either.
That's really living.
No, no, no, Mikey, it's not about quantity.
It's about quality time.
Hello.
It's me.
Remember me? I'm on the other line.
I'm not sure I can place you.
Could you tell me more? We used to be madly in love, and we used to stay up all night, and we'd eat popcorn, we'd drink champagne in bed.
We were very physically attracted to each other.
Really? Prove it.
Mm, that's kind of hard long distance.
Maybe you could, though.
I'd love to.
Do you think we could find some elves who could help me finish this proposal? Right.
See you in the retirement home, I guess.
I'm really sorry, honey.
It won't always be like this.
I know.
It'll probably be worse.
Okay.
Hang in there.
See you in the morning.
I mean later this morning.
It's okay.
It's okay.
I got her.
You're all right.
You're all right.
Okay.
Listen, if you want me to take over Okay, Good night.
Did you have a nightmare, sweetie? It's okay.
Mommy's here.
Yeah.
It's okay.
It's okay, yeah.
The bed is too small for my tired head Build me a hill soft with trees Move a cloud up under my chin Lord, blow the moon out Please Good morning, munchkin.
Sweetie.
I think we just had our first pajama party.
You okay? I must have passed out.
Oh, my God.
What time is it? It's in the cabinet.
The bib is in the drawer.
- Where's Amy? - She'll get here.
Oh Well, if she doesn't, can you stay? - What am I going to do? - No, no, no, no.
I can't stay today.
I told you that yesterday.
I can't.
I'm sorry, honey.
Good morning.
Good morning.
The only thing I've accomplished is being totally exhausted.
- Now give.
- Okay.
We went away, right? It was wonderful.
It was very romantic.
To this by river This little bed and breakfast place.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
And first we had dinner.
Oh, and there all all these gorgeous antiques.
Lynnie, I got seven minutes.
Cut to the bed and breakfast part.
Hope, it it was great.
I mean, it was I don't know what it was.
It was complicated.
Why is everything so complicated? - Uh-oh.
- No, it was good.
And after was good.
Before was good.
And in the middle was was I don't know.
I probably shouldn't wait an entire year and expect miracles, right? I'd like to think someone was having great sex.
Oh, no.
Sex wasn't the problem.
It was Except I sometimes feel like part of me had just gotten up and left the room, like it wasn't really me there in bed with him.
You ever still feel that way? No.
Not really.
I mean, other things, but not that.
Hmm, you're lucky.
Lynnie, I think it's really scary, you know, opening up to somebody for the first time.
Yeah.
I mean, it was so sexy seeing him at work, you know? But then I realized I'd forgotten what it's like to be with another human being for 48 hours.
All these little weirdnesses, like where to sit for breakfast.
I mean, I'm not even used to talking to anyone before 8:00 in the morning.
What if I just want to read the paper, you know? And it's like suddenly everything you do reveals something, and everything he does I don't know how to begin.
H-How'd you do it? I always knew that I wanted a relationship.
It was the one thing in my life that I wasn't ambivalent about.
Lynnie, you and I We're different.
I always knew that I wanted to be a mother, that it was important to me, even though I kept putting it off.
I mean, God knows that I was so into my career that I didn't look up for ten years until Janey came along.
And then why do I let you be so important to me? I'm there with this guy, thinking, Oh, wow, this one's too good to mess up.
Hope will think I'm crazy.
Oh, Ellyn.
I mean, maybe I'm just not ready to have a relationship right now.
Maybe I didn't think that it would be so Do you think that it would be weird if I never had a kid? I'm fine.
So Val's reading your proposal, huh? Is it any good? The last ten pages could be Horton Hears the Who for all I know.
Aw.
She's so cute.
Yeah.
She's pretty funny.
Yeah.
Think you'll have any more? If we ever get used to having this one.
How about you? Kids? Oh, I don't know.
I'd kind of like to get my game plan going first.
Game plan? Yeah.
I, uh, have a law degree, and I was Do you? Well, so the degree, along with the contacts that I've made here with this magazine, I, uh, plan to move to Washington within 18 months or so, and, uh, parlay some of the heat from this magazine into a staff position at EPA or OSHA.
I mean, because those people are really, really at the center of things, you know, and after that, you're you're completely inside the political machine.
I could work for a senator.
I could get to be a counsel, and I don't know.
With a kid, it would be It would be much harder, and I don't even have time for a relationship now, so the whole thing is kind of moot.
Well, it's back to Francis vs.
U.
S.
Army Corps of Engineers.
Do I detect a little sweat on Cooper's brow? - It's good, Hope.
- Really? Mm-hmm.
I know you didn't have enough time to completely research it, but it's good.
What you're saying is it's not quite up to par, but you'll overlook it this time.
No.
You've got as lot of distractions right now.
And I know that it's hard to just throw yourself back into it when you get back.
No.
You don't understand.
I killed myself over this proposal.
I spent every available minute that I had writing this, - and it was - Great.
No.
It was acceptable.
Okay.
It was acceptable.
But I know you're going to do it better because, Hope, you're a perfectionist.
That's why I don't have to worry about it being good because I know you're going to worry about it more.
With SuperDipes, I don't have to worry about pre-moistened wipes - because they come - Is this a bad time? Uh Larry's works - Look who I get to see.
- Hey, stranger.
Hi, baby.
They liked my proposal.
Oh, that's good.
See, I told you they would.
And now I have to go back.
What, just when I tell you to go, you leave me? Okay, bye.
See you later? Oh, Michael, this is so weird.
I'm in the office.
Everything's great.
I'm doing all this stuff.
And all I can think of is Janey What's she doing? Is she doing some incredibly great thing that I'm missing? Probably.
So why does that make me crazy? Why do I miss her so much? I want to smell her.
I want to put those incredibly cute little red cowboy socks on her feet.
I want to watch her eat.
I love to watch her eat.
- Is that nuts? - So what are you saying? I don't know what I'm saying.
I don't know who I am anymore.
I mean, I begged Sheila Day to give me that job back.
What do I do, go in there and say "Just kidding"? You You want to quit? No.
I'm supposed to be able to do both.
That's all I hear about.
You make commercials about it.
It's in all the magazines.
Why am I doing such a half-assed job? I am so Disappointing as a human being.
Hey.
Hey, hey.
Disappointing? You ready for the truth? Yeah.
I never expected you to stay home.
I didn't even think you'd want to have a kid when I met you.
Ooh, this is so unliberated.
I liked having you there this past year For her and And okay, like my mother was for me Not all the time, but she was That probably made me feel safe.
Of course my mother completely fell apart when Brad and I left home, so go figure.
- Thanks.
- Well, honey, I don't know what you should do.
I I want you to be happy, but I don't know who is on this subject.
I don't even know if that's possible right now.
That woman in the commercial, she's probably having a nervous breakdown.
There she is.
She's living in this house.
It's only got two walls.
It's like arrgh You're saying that life is impossible? Yeah.
For the moment, it is, so just relax and enjoy it.
But I don't know what to do.
I love being in the office.
That's the weird part.
It's much easier than dealing with a child all day long.
And I love knowing that I can take care of her, - support her.
- Then you go back to work.
Well, I might.
I might tomorrow.
God, does that mean I'm quitting? - I - Oh, Michael.
It's just that this time is going by so fast when she's this little bear cub, and I don't think we should miss that.
It could be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
My baby, my job, my baby, my job.
Amy.
- Hi.
- Janey? We're in here.
You can take She loves Van Morrison.
All the tea in China You want to dance, munchkin? You want to dance with Mommy? Yeah.
Okay, who leads, you or me? Sail right 'round All the seven oceans Drop it straight into the deep blue sea She's as sweet As Tupelo Honey She's an angel of the first degree She's as sweet She's as sweet as Tupelo Honey.
Just like honey, baby, from the bee
What you got? Ohh! Look how pretty.
Look.
Look at this, honey.
Hmm? It's ridiculous.
We haven't generated assessment reports since May.
Have you missed them? We're in a terrible rush.
Would you mind? Oh.
Sure.
No problem.
I mean, he's justifying his entire promotion.
That's what he's doing.
You should have heard Records crying to me on the phone about this morning.
They're talking about needing a whole new database now.
It's perfect.
I don't know.
Between work, which I don't even want to talk about, and this exercise class, which is now being taught by the Marquis de Sade, I don't even have time to have a relationship with this guy that I'm scared to death to have a relationship with.
No comment.
Did you get robbed or what? But if you had the time? Is everything okay in there? I think so.
She She just needs to be Oh, we just need to be alone together.
Well, if I had the time and he had the time I don't know.
We'd probably be at the "I don't think this is working" stage by now.
Is everything okay in there? She won't take the breast.
Oh.
Is Is that weird? Not exactly normal.
Calories or calcium depletion? Calorie.
So get to the dirt.
So nothing.
Hey, it's just that that he decided because we have no time that that we should go away together.
What? It's just to Bucks County for the weekend.
It's not Europe or anything.
We just figured we should get to know each other outside work, that's all.
This is so romantic.
Yeah.
Then why do I feel like I have to throw up all the time? Ah.
It's like the old days.
Plus I have to figure out what to wear for two whole days and one whole night.
Aah! - Oh, yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
I remember when Michael and I first met and we were both working such long hours, we could only have these intense stolen moments together.
It was so exciting.
Everything.
Every look, every word every Oh, God.
What? - Now I'm depressed.
- Me, too.
First I spend an hour and a half exercising, then in ten minutes, I nullify its effect.
Hope? Honey, have you seen my notes? Oh, I don't believe this.
Where did I put these notes? Was this decaf I just drank? Do think I've been up for 2 hours and 42 minutes on decaf? Oh, this is gonna be a fun morning, hon.
Is she okay? Oh, why did I tell him I'd bring the notes? Now he can laugh at me for yelling at him for being irresponsible, which he is.
Now we're having the sitter I insisted on having, and I can't find my notes! How did those get in there? Oh, sweetie, life is so Come here.
Here's your tyrannosaurus.
Stegosaurus.
Yeah, and Daddysaurus has to go.
Don't go.
Oh, honey.
Give me this lip.
I want this lip right here.
Mmm Can't you go in late just once - and stay and play with us? - You know, other wives, honey, they pressure their husbands "Where's the money?" "Why don't you go to work?" Couldn't you start nagging me to support you in the manner to which you've never become accustomed? - Michael.
- Daddy? Go! No! Good one! Ethan! Put the shovel down! Now! Thank you.
Ohh.
Ellyn looks great, huh? Fabulous.
Look, that sand is getting into everything you have on.
Yes, it is.
She's in love with this incredible guy, and she's having No, honey, don't go away.
There you go, sweetheart.
Um, she's having this glamorous career Um, you didn't bring any rice crackers, did you? Uh I'll check.
Oh no, honey.
We left the Legos at home.
Want to play with your shovel? Come on, let's go play in the sand.
Hi, sweetie.
Can Brittany play with you? There you go, baby.
You sit here.
- And here's your shovel.
- Here you go, Brittany.
Do you know the weird thing is that I'm actually beginning to like kids' food? Yeah, it's either that or starve.
Okay.
We never seem to have any money anymore.
No, of course not.
You're living off of your husband's earnings now.
I mean, you'd feel too guilty if you spent some money on yourself.
Isn't that weird? I mean, Michael and I were always equals.
I never used to have to ask him for money the way I do now.
See, husbands have it so easy.
They go to work, and then we're there to take care of the kids.
But if we'd worked, we'd have to hire someone to leave the kids with.
Is motherhood, like, a lost art or something? We're dinosaurs.
Okay, you can do the tri-state spiel.
I get to do the rabbit joke.
So you're saying all the fun stuff.
I'm funnier than you are.
This is ridiculous.
You know, we're sitting here rehearsing what we're gonna say at dinner.
What are we so nervous about? We already have the job.
Because you know he doesn't believe we can do it.
He'll believe we can do it when he sees the commercial.
I'm telling you, tonight should be purely friendly.
You know? Let's put him at ease.
We show him we're smart, funny, professional.
Then we go throw up.
Are we right to bring our wives? I'm tired of getting yelled at for eating in fancy restaurants without her.
I keep telling her, "Honey, we don't want to eat in fancy restaurants.
" We have to impress clients.
" - Right.
- Right.
- Right.
- I think it'd be good for her to come tonight.
She's always home with Janey.
You know, we're really lucky.
We have wives who want to stay home with the kids so we can go out and do things that need to be done.
Uh-huh.
You know, I think Hope's really happy.
They seem to have embraced this motherhood thing in a really great way.
Did you ever think of having an affair? I don't have time to read the back of a cereal box.
Now, I mean, not the specific person part.
Just oh, I don't know, just that general affair part.
No.
I don't know.
Not Michael.
I feel like I used to have this incredibly productive career, and and I thought I still did, only, you know, the agreement was I'd take X amount of time off, and then I would go back.
We just never figured out what X amount was.
Mmm I don't know.
What? What is it? So, tonight's the famous dinner with Larry.
Ha.
I'd do anything to get out of that tonight.
I hate their business dinner.
Nancy, when when you stopped nursing Brittany Hold on.
Ethan! Ethan, you get back here right this minute! Ethan! Ethan! So.
What do you do? I am I'm She just had a baby girl.
Oh, that's wonderful! How old is she? - Nine months.
- Oh.
She's almost a toddler.
I have two kids of my own.
Arielle's 3, and little Jamie's 5 1/2.
Which is why when Alex gives you a market profile, you'd better believe it's right.
She is the best.
Now, she's gonna keep you honest about who you tell me I'm reaching.
I'm even working out their database for when you go national.
- Really, I understand - Oh, so you were behind the numbers we just got.
Hey, that was detailed stuff.
You know, the mothers in management positions by age, zip code.
Glad you liked it.
Did you read the appendix I sent along with it? Uh yes.
Psychological profiles of working mothers.
- Yeah.
Now, what are there, like, six patterns? - Yeah.
- The mothers who work that I - We use the pattern approach more and more.
It's very predictive of spending curve.
It's demographics merely lumped together, all sorts of past sampling eras Hey.
Am I invisible here or what? Hello.
Hello! Can you hear me? No.
Of course not.
I'm a housewife.
I should wear a sign that says "New Mommy.
Former Phi Beta Kappa.
" Now brain-dead.
Please speak only in monosyllables.
" Where's my head? We've got our expert resident mommies right here in front of us.
Now, what do you think mothers want from a diaper, huh? One that'll change itself.
Well, I guess I'm concerned with the polyacrylate crystals that are in the diapers that your markets sell because of the relationship between super-absorbency and toxic shock.
For example, if a diaper wasn't changed often enough and the baby had open lesions from diaper rash, well, but the makers say that that can't happen with diapers, and I'm And I'm sure they're right.
It's a fine point.
Yeah.
I used to work for a magazine that was concerned with consumers' rights.
Oh.
Excuse me.
I think I'll call the sitter.
Well and I guess you could just try to give her a bottle.
Ohh I'll be home as soon as we can.
Bye.
What the hell was that back there? You actually heard me.
I thought I was speaking in tongues.
Why don't you just throw your dinner on 'em and really make a statement? Is she okay? What's the matter? She crying.
I don't know what the matter is.
Oh.
Let's go back to the table, and then we'll call again in a few minutes.
I can't go back to the table.
Look at me.
- My milk came in when I heard her crying.
- Ohh Can you cover it up? With what? My sweater's at the table.
- Michael doesn't feel well.
- Sitter problems.
Adams is bringing it up for Denver.
We are tied.
Sixers against Denver.
On the outside, Chase Do it.
And Denver takes the lead.
Hope.
I feel like the woman in a novel who's gonna have a nervous breakdown.
No one notices, not even her husband.
That would be hard with you.
How come you get to be totally unscathed by parenthood and I'm totally blown apart? I don't even know if I'm doing it right.
You're doing everything right.
I think Janey's weaning herself.
Really? I didn't e I didn't know kids weaned themselves.
I thought you had to, like, you know, deny them the breast for about a year so they end up resenting you and becoming orally fixated and wind up as alcoholics.
Apparently, some of them wean themselves.
When their mothers aren't even ready.
She's growing up.
- Oh, honey, she can't even walk yet.
- I know.
I know it sounds stupid, but I feel like I can't - even meet her basic needs anymore.
- Oh, that's not true.
I don't know.
I mean, this isn't exactly left-brain material.
I mean, I didn't even know what an instinct was before.
I mean, you know what your instincts are, I mean, war, killing, spitting.
Nursing was natural.
I mean, it felt right.
It felt more right than anything I've ever done.
And now it's ending.
I mean, I was one with her.
And now she doesn't need me anymore.
Well, she needs Ziggy the Zebra.
- She needs apricots and tapioca.
- Right.
She needs lots of baby wipes.
She She needs your love and your patience and your wisdom and and everything for the rest of her life.
She needs you.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Hope! Oh, it's so good to see you! - Ohh! - Ohh! Look-it! Look who's here! What are you doing here? Well, we were in the neighborhood, and we were looking for some pj's.
And I thought, Why not stop and say hi? I send you to cover a hearing in City Hall.
It takes you a year to get back? Oh, what's it like, Mommy? Well, it's, uh incredible.
I mean, I don't know what to tell you.
You are gazing upon the best thing that's ever happened to me.
It beats being the head of Research? Well, the pay's a lot better.
- Can I hold her? - Sure.
- Oh, she's too cute.
- There you go.
Oh, I want one.
- I want this one.
- Aw.
Would you like to work here? Maybe she could finish the EPA article.
You haven't put that one to bed yet? That was going to be our big coup.
You have been gone a while.
The whole thing went on hold.
We lost our source.
Moyer, he was the one who begged us to write it in the first place.
Your friend Moyer was indicted and stopped giving interviews.
- Excuse me, Hope.
- Oh, sorry.
I seem to be blocking the way.
Hi.
Moyer was indicted? Val, do you want to see these files on the Simpson Yeah, yeah, in a minute.
I should let you get back to work.
Here.
Well, look, it's been great seeing you.
Talk to the foreman.
He doesn't have And, well, about your baby, uh, she's almost as pretty as mine was.
I'll call you sometime when you're not so crazed.
- Yeah.
- Take care, Hope.
- Bye-bye.
- Bye, Hope.
Thanks for stopping by.
See, Janey? Mommy used to sit there.
She was a very stressed-out editor of a very controversial magazine.
People used to fear her voice on the phone.
Oh.
Excuse me.
Oh.
Sorry.
Oh, you can stay.
I have a staff meeting.
- It's okay.
Thanks.
- Sure.
Val.
Moyer had an assistant at EPA.
Half the time, I talked to him.
I know he went back to Rutgers.
Was he indicted, too? Do you remember his name? No.
But I'll bet the thing to do is to call the biology department, say you're doing a survey on I guess you guys already know that.
No, I'll get Cooper on it right away.
Let's see if her imagination is as strong as her ambition.
- Thanks, Hope.
- Anytime.
Bye.
Bye.
- Hello.
- Let me get this.
- Thank you.
- See you.
All right, we're set, everybody.
Let's try to get a rehearsal.
Linda, are you ready? Do I say it after I come in or while I'm at the door? He has four lines while you're at the door.
Come on.
Ready, and go.
Oh, you made it home.
I've got a meeting in an hour, the babysitter's late, and now Janey's diaper leaked.
Don't worry, honey.
You'll make your meeting, and I'll make mine.
I went to Larry's Market and got SuperDipes.
Larry's Markets When you don't have time, we make the time.
See? With SuperDipes, you don't have to worry about pre-moistened wipes because they come with the diaper.
Wow.
Sure makes it easy.
Larry's works for moms who work.
Oh, so we can spend more precious time playing with our children.
Now we can both make our meetings.
Changing the way the Delaware Valley shops, Larry's Markets.
And cut.
Okay.
Uh, Donna, what was the time on that? - A little long.
- Okay.
Hi.
Hi.
This is a surprise.
Girls are here.
- Hi.
- Hi.
What do you think? About what? War and Peace.
Oh, God, what is it? It's fine.
It's a commercial.
You hate it.
No, I I It's great.
I just Well, honey, we're just selling diapers here, okay? I mean, it's not, um, it's not, uh Oh, come on.
This is a big thing for us.
You had to use Janey's name? Yeah.
I thought you'd like that.
Okay.
Is that what you think it is, Mom and Dad rush in, change the diaper, bye, kid? It's just a commercial.
And commercials have no influence.
How important is it to us that I stay home and take care of Janey? Honey, you can do what you want.
This is insane, honey.
Uh, this it's a commercial directed towards working mothers, you know? I'm sorry.
It's not a value judgment.
Next week, I'll make one directed towards non-working mothers.
Yes, I am a non-working mother.
You're taking this unbelievably personally.
I'm quite ready to admit that.
I mean, maybe I didn't see the commercial.
Maybe I'm hallucinating.
Maybe I'm 29 and single and the president of a multinational corporation.
Hi.
Hi.
Sorry to make you come down, but I didn't want to wake Janey up again.
Ah.
So this is outside.
An interesting concept.
I haven't experienced this in about four weeks.
How's Steve? Steve? Steve? Fine.
He gave me this look in the hallway today, like, this look, like Like "I can't wait till this weekend, can you?" look.
And there are all these people standing around completely seeing my blush.
And? And? And what? I just walked away as fast as I could.
I can't take this.
Excuse me.
Don't ever go out with someone you work with.
- Have a nice day.
- Thanks a lot.
No kidding.
So.
So.
You gals just carefreely catting about, hitting all the hot spots? No, actually, I took Janey to my office today.
You went to your office? Yeah, well, I haven't been there in so long, and they wanted to see Janey.
You decided to go back to work.
- That is so great.
- I didn't say that.
- I said - I know what you said.
I'm glad you know me better than I know myself.
I just took Janey to Hope, you can be confused.
It's okay.
- You give me permission? - Yeah.
Oh, God, you were always so sure of everything.
Yeah, but that was college, and the choices were cheesesteaks and creature features or going up to the hill for pizza and checking out the boys.
Exactly.
I miss us.
I miss having the time to talk everything to death like we used to.
Yeah.
Me, too.
Well, Michael's probably home.
What? You just got here.
No.
Really? You were supposed to give me all the answers.
No, no, no, no.
You were supposed to do that for me.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Bye.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
You don't have to be sorry.
You just can't spend any of the money I make on the commercial, that's all.
How much money do you think you'll make this year? I mean, I know that with starting the business, it's not like the old paycheck days.
I was just wondering how much you thought you'd take out of it this year.
Uh, it'll be enough.
I mean, we borrowed from my parents for the house, and Yeah? So? Well, I mean, it's not like the old days when we were both working.
You know, now there's the baby and the house, and, well, I don't know.
So what are you saying? Honey, I just I think it's weird that we don't talk about this stuff.
I mean, we're up to what, 1,150 on the mortgage, and then there's the car.
That's another 350 with insurance, and taxes.
I mean, it just seems as fast as the money comes in, then it goes right back out again.
And I mean, it's not a criticism.
You know, there's clothes and food and Amy nine hours a week.
And you think you have to get rid of Amy.
I think I have to go back to work.
I think it's indulgent if I don't, and I don't think we have the money to be indulgent.
You think it's indulgent to take care of your kid? Listen, we can sell the car, you know.
I don't care.
We don't need a new car.
And, uh, worst comes to worst, we'll sell the house.
Michael.
No.
I mean, everything is choices.
You're making a choice right now to raise a kid.
I mean, I don't mind making sacrifices for that.
People want things to be easy.
I don't care if it's not easy.
You don't want me to go back to work.
I just I didn't know that you wanted to go back to work, that's all.
When did this come up? No, I I, uh, I'm thrilled if you want to go back to work.
I just don't want you to feel that you have to, that's all.
Honey, I don't know.
I mean, I've just been thinking.
There's a million issues to deal with, like what to do with Janey during the day, and I don't even know if Sheila Day will give me my job back.
I just feel that I need to be out in the world again.
Okay, so, uh, so this would be, like, full time, huh? I mean, right back in the swing of things again.
I don't know.
I mean, I figured I would try it part time.
I could do a lot of the work here at home.
I could go in for meetings, and that way I wouldn't have to leave Janey all day.
Part time.
Well, I That's great.
Yeah, I think you should do this.
I really I think you should.
You're going to have to help me.
- Yeah, of course.
- No, no, no.
Yucky life stuff like cooking and cleaning.
Yeah, I know, I know.
I mean, uh, I want you to be happy.
You do? Occasionally.
Just tell me how to get up the guts to ask Sheila Day.
- Amy.
- Hello, silly creature.
Are you being silly again? Hey, Amy, how you doing? - Fine.
And you? - Fine.
Bye, Amy.
Bye, Michael.
It was nice talking to you.
Bye, sweetie.
Good luck.
You don't need it.
Thanks.
So, Amy, uh Have you been a good girl? Guess what.
I'm thinking about going back to work part time.
Oh, that's great.
And I was wondering Thanks Uh, and I was wondering if maybe you could work a few more hours this week.
I mean, if the thing comes through.
Yeah, sure, I think so.
Great.
I mean, um, there's just one hitch.
If it turns out to be more than part time, it would mean a lot of hours, and I Uh I'd be paying you most of my I mean I'd have to find a day care situation.
I'm really sorry.
I know that you just started working for us, and But I wouldn't be able to afford This is totally stupid.
I don't even know if I'll get my job back, so why am I bringing this up anyway? I don't know.
Right.
Bye.
Surprised? Why should I be surprised? Give me a break.
I'm just wondering what took you so long.
You were the one who made the whole speech about commitment and choices in life.
I was afraid to come back until Janey was in college.
Look, Murdoch, I understand your position.
You're feeling frustrated.
You miss the action.
And you probably need the money.
But I told you we can't keep your position open for you.
Besides, Cooper has your job now.
What do you expect me to do, fire her? I'm just talking part time.
Maybe I can help her.
Even if she needed the help, and I'm not going to comment on that, that would mean that we would have to pay a person and a half for one job.
Why are you making this so hard on me? Murdoch, this is reality.
I have a budget I have to adhere to.
I've got worse problems in the research department.
So you're saying no.
Cooper drives me crazy sometimes.
She's smart.
She also gives new meaning to the word motivated.
I need one person here in the research department full time.
Real soon, we'd have to make a decision.
It can be you, or it cannot be you.
It's your choice.
Honey, could you stop by the cleaners on your way home and pick up the stuff? I think it's mostly yours, and I don't know when I'm going to get done.
Oh, yeah.
And I need you to write a check for the carpet cleaners because they're going to come and clean up the stain that Grendel made the day he was depressed.
What does he have to be depressed about? Oh, God, I need groceries.
Milk, butter, eggs, all the staples.
When am I going to find time? - Where's Amy? - She'll be here any second.
Good luck today.
Bye.
Bye-bye, sweetheart.
Is that the goodbye part? I mean, how do you do it? Don't you miss her? - Of course I miss her.
- Hello! Every single second.
Hi, Amy.
Bye, Amy.
Hey.
I love you.
Hi.
Hi, Janey.
Hi, baby.
How are you today? You love Amy, don't you, bumper stickers? Okay, now, the food's on the top shelf of the fridge.
She's really into peanut butter and bananas these days.
Her blanket's over here.
She should probably get sleepy around Around 10 or 10:30.
Yeah, I know.
Yeah, but this is all day.
Well, it's not really all day.
I should be home at the latest 2 or 3.
Take your time.
Okay, little podge, Mommy's got to go.
Bye, Mommy.
Oh, you are so cute and so smart, and Mommy loves you So messy So much.
Give me a kiss.
Give me a kiss.
Oh, say "Bye, Mom.
" You guys have a great day.
Oh, yeah.
My office phone number is right by Is by the phone.
Yeah, I know.
Bye.
Welcome back.
Even though I wasn't here when you left.
Thanks.
So I see you got all your school supplies.
Yeah.
That's exactly what I feel like.
I feel like I've been sick for two weeks and everybody learned long division while I was out.
What's that? Long division.
We're computerized now.
In ten months? Think they have any typewriters left? I think I've lost too many brain cells to learn the computer now.
You'll pick it up.
You need any help, just yell.
Thanks.
Sure.
Hope Murdoch, our new researcher.
Scared that he will be, which makes him not exactly cooperative.
Which means we're back where we were.
No.
We have a lot more records than we did last year.
These are from Philadelphia County alone.
Thanks.
And I'll bet I can show a connection between the two.
Hello.
Could we handle this later? Oh.
Okay.
Uh, more of the second, I think.
Then try a combination of approaches.
You can give her the apple juice by itself, if you want to.
All I'm saying is if you mix it with oatmeal, she's having some oatmeal to eat and not just drinking all that sugar.
Ohh! Ahh.
"My very best hat I see she wears.
" I just think that if the condiments don't dance around the frankfurter, you lose the whole integrity of the product.
Oh, Elliot, this This frankfurter, this is too passive, okay? He's not taking the active role.
And if he dances, he's not the center of attention.
Does the King of England dance? Did Vito Corleone dance? What? What are you talking about? There is no King of England.
What does this have to do with hot dogs? What does anything have to do with hot dogs? Well, no, I'm too tired, okay? I can't deal with this.
You just have everybody dance, and then have everybody go to sleep.
Janey weaned herself.
Isn't that great? I'm weaning myself.
A couple of more years, I should just about have it.
You think they're sexy when they nurse? I thought Nancy was kind of sexy.
Some women have climactic sexual experiences when they nurse.
That I'd like to see.
I don't know.
I was sort of looking forward to this, you know? I guess I thought I'd get her back or something after she stopped breastfeeding.
You mean like having sex more than once a month? Hey, I'll have you know that we have sex, like, once a week.
- Really? - Yeah.
That's incredible.
All that and two incomes? Man, you got it made.
Oh, and don't forget, we never see each other, either.
That's really living.
No, no, no, Mikey, it's not about quantity.
It's about quality time.
Hello.
It's me.
Remember me? I'm on the other line.
I'm not sure I can place you.
Could you tell me more? We used to be madly in love, and we used to stay up all night, and we'd eat popcorn, we'd drink champagne in bed.
We were very physically attracted to each other.
Really? Prove it.
Mm, that's kind of hard long distance.
Maybe you could, though.
I'd love to.
Do you think we could find some elves who could help me finish this proposal? Right.
See you in the retirement home, I guess.
I'm really sorry, honey.
It won't always be like this.
I know.
It'll probably be worse.
Okay.
Hang in there.
See you in the morning.
I mean later this morning.
It's okay.
It's okay.
I got her.
You're all right.
You're all right.
Okay.
Listen, if you want me to take over Okay, Good night.
Did you have a nightmare, sweetie? It's okay.
Mommy's here.
Yeah.
It's okay.
It's okay, yeah.
The bed is too small for my tired head Build me a hill soft with trees Move a cloud up under my chin Lord, blow the moon out Please Good morning, munchkin.
Sweetie.
I think we just had our first pajama party.
You okay? I must have passed out.
Oh, my God.
What time is it? It's in the cabinet.
The bib is in the drawer.
- Where's Amy? - She'll get here.
Oh Well, if she doesn't, can you stay? - What am I going to do? - No, no, no, no.
I can't stay today.
I told you that yesterday.
I can't.
I'm sorry, honey.
Good morning.
Good morning.
The only thing I've accomplished is being totally exhausted.
- Now give.
- Okay.
We went away, right? It was wonderful.
It was very romantic.
To this by river This little bed and breakfast place.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
And first we had dinner.
Oh, and there all all these gorgeous antiques.
Lynnie, I got seven minutes.
Cut to the bed and breakfast part.
Hope, it it was great.
I mean, it was I don't know what it was.
It was complicated.
Why is everything so complicated? - Uh-oh.
- No, it was good.
And after was good.
Before was good.
And in the middle was was I don't know.
I probably shouldn't wait an entire year and expect miracles, right? I'd like to think someone was having great sex.
Oh, no.
Sex wasn't the problem.
It was Except I sometimes feel like part of me had just gotten up and left the room, like it wasn't really me there in bed with him.
You ever still feel that way? No.
Not really.
I mean, other things, but not that.
Hmm, you're lucky.
Lynnie, I think it's really scary, you know, opening up to somebody for the first time.
Yeah.
I mean, it was so sexy seeing him at work, you know? But then I realized I'd forgotten what it's like to be with another human being for 48 hours.
All these little weirdnesses, like where to sit for breakfast.
I mean, I'm not even used to talking to anyone before 8:00 in the morning.
What if I just want to read the paper, you know? And it's like suddenly everything you do reveals something, and everything he does I don't know how to begin.
H-How'd you do it? I always knew that I wanted a relationship.
It was the one thing in my life that I wasn't ambivalent about.
Lynnie, you and I We're different.
I always knew that I wanted to be a mother, that it was important to me, even though I kept putting it off.
I mean, God knows that I was so into my career that I didn't look up for ten years until Janey came along.
And then why do I let you be so important to me? I'm there with this guy, thinking, Oh, wow, this one's too good to mess up.
Hope will think I'm crazy.
Oh, Ellyn.
I mean, maybe I'm just not ready to have a relationship right now.
Maybe I didn't think that it would be so Do you think that it would be weird if I never had a kid? I'm fine.
So Val's reading your proposal, huh? Is it any good? The last ten pages could be Horton Hears the Who for all I know.
Aw.
She's so cute.
Yeah.
She's pretty funny.
Yeah.
Think you'll have any more? If we ever get used to having this one.
How about you? Kids? Oh, I don't know.
I'd kind of like to get my game plan going first.
Game plan? Yeah.
I, uh, have a law degree, and I was Do you? Well, so the degree, along with the contacts that I've made here with this magazine, I, uh, plan to move to Washington within 18 months or so, and, uh, parlay some of the heat from this magazine into a staff position at EPA or OSHA.
I mean, because those people are really, really at the center of things, you know, and after that, you're you're completely inside the political machine.
I could work for a senator.
I could get to be a counsel, and I don't know.
With a kid, it would be It would be much harder, and I don't even have time for a relationship now, so the whole thing is kind of moot.
Well, it's back to Francis vs.
U.
S.
Army Corps of Engineers.
Do I detect a little sweat on Cooper's brow? - It's good, Hope.
- Really? Mm-hmm.
I know you didn't have enough time to completely research it, but it's good.
What you're saying is it's not quite up to par, but you'll overlook it this time.
No.
You've got as lot of distractions right now.
And I know that it's hard to just throw yourself back into it when you get back.
No.
You don't understand.
I killed myself over this proposal.
I spent every available minute that I had writing this, - and it was - Great.
No.
It was acceptable.
Okay.
It was acceptable.
But I know you're going to do it better because, Hope, you're a perfectionist.
That's why I don't have to worry about it being good because I know you're going to worry about it more.
With SuperDipes, I don't have to worry about pre-moistened wipes - because they come - Is this a bad time? Uh Larry's works - Look who I get to see.
- Hey, stranger.
Hi, baby.
They liked my proposal.
Oh, that's good.
See, I told you they would.
And now I have to go back.
What, just when I tell you to go, you leave me? Okay, bye.
See you later? Oh, Michael, this is so weird.
I'm in the office.
Everything's great.
I'm doing all this stuff.
And all I can think of is Janey What's she doing? Is she doing some incredibly great thing that I'm missing? Probably.
So why does that make me crazy? Why do I miss her so much? I want to smell her.
I want to put those incredibly cute little red cowboy socks on her feet.
I want to watch her eat.
I love to watch her eat.
- Is that nuts? - So what are you saying? I don't know what I'm saying.
I don't know who I am anymore.
I mean, I begged Sheila Day to give me that job back.
What do I do, go in there and say "Just kidding"? You You want to quit? No.
I'm supposed to be able to do both.
That's all I hear about.
You make commercials about it.
It's in all the magazines.
Why am I doing such a half-assed job? I am so Disappointing as a human being.
Hey.
Hey, hey.
Disappointing? You ready for the truth? Yeah.
I never expected you to stay home.
I didn't even think you'd want to have a kid when I met you.
Ooh, this is so unliberated.
I liked having you there this past year For her and And okay, like my mother was for me Not all the time, but she was That probably made me feel safe.
Of course my mother completely fell apart when Brad and I left home, so go figure.
- Thanks.
- Well, honey, I don't know what you should do.
I I want you to be happy, but I don't know who is on this subject.
I don't even know if that's possible right now.
That woman in the commercial, she's probably having a nervous breakdown.
There she is.
She's living in this house.
It's only got two walls.
It's like arrgh You're saying that life is impossible? Yeah.
For the moment, it is, so just relax and enjoy it.
But I don't know what to do.
I love being in the office.
That's the weird part.
It's much easier than dealing with a child all day long.
And I love knowing that I can take care of her, - support her.
- Then you go back to work.
Well, I might.
I might tomorrow.
God, does that mean I'm quitting? - I - Oh, Michael.
It's just that this time is going by so fast when she's this little bear cub, and I don't think we should miss that.
It could be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
My baby, my job, my baby, my job.
Amy.
- Hi.
- Janey? We're in here.
You can take She loves Van Morrison.
All the tea in China You want to dance, munchkin? You want to dance with Mommy? Yeah.
Okay, who leads, you or me? Sail right 'round All the seven oceans Drop it straight into the deep blue sea She's as sweet As Tupelo Honey She's an angel of the first degree She's as sweet She's as sweet as Tupelo Honey.
Just like honey, baby, from the bee