Welcome to Flatch (2022) s01e08 Episode Script

So Shrub and Beth are all hot and heavy and dating or whatever, so I never see them anymore because of how they're always together.
But I'm cool.
I have my crew to hang with, so I'm chill.
Like, that's good.
Is this the kind of bike tire you're looking for? No, Levi.
Does that looks like a bike tire to you? Yeah? Okay, you're gonna have to step it up.
- Okay.
- All of you.
Understood? Hey, Kelly.
Hey.
Hey, remember, this Friday is Big Stuff Friday here at the dump, where all week long, you can drop your big stuff off at the church, and we'll throw it away for you for free.
Want to know what's trash? This.
Oh, well, hey, Kelly, this goes in paper recycling.
Hey, any of your trash rats need a tattoo or two? I'm doing two-for-one Tattoo Tuesdays.
It's like Taco Tuesday, except with permanent ink and zero tacos.
Also, if you get a tattoo of a taco, you get half off.
It's all spelled out here in the flyer.
- Pretty good deal.
- Oh, hell, no.
Got to go.
Hey, Kelly, let me know if you and Shrub want to help out on Friday night.
How the balls do I know what Shrub wants to do, okay? I'm not his secretary.
Whatever.
That girl's not right.
She's okay.
Puddle! Beth's the bomb, dude.
She's, like she's, like, my dream girl and my fantasy girl just rolled into one.
Oh, that's her.
We're always texting.
So fun.
Also, she's literally right here.
You gonna text me back? Yes.
Um, s Sorry.
Um Oh.
You're fast at that.
So fast.
- Kelly! Is that you? - Yeah.
What do you want? Just saying hello.
Welcome home, sweet pea.
"Sweet pea"? I don't know what's up with her.
She hasn't called me "sweet pea" since they gave her generic Vicodin for her root canal.
So Jimmy is taking me out on what will be our eighth date tonight.
He's taking me to a pretty fancy place in Pockton.
And I think that he is officially gonna ask me to be his girlfriend.
Up till now, things have been pretty casual.
You know, no-strings-attached kind of thing, which I'm cool with it.
But, um, yeah, sometimes it's good to know exactly where you stand in a relationship.
Check her out.
Oh! Bingo.
This will definitely seal the deal.
I mean, the dress.
No man can resist the charms of the dress.
I actually I wore this dress on my fifth date with Joe.
He took me to another fancy dinner.
Well, you know, "all you can dip chocolate fountain" kind of fancy.
And then he told me he loved me for the first time.
He had chocolate dripping down his chin.
It was so cute.
It was really cute And gross.
I like to come here a couple times a week, you know, just, like, blow off steam.
You know, I-I love being in a relationship.
I really do.
Like, it's amazing.
Um, but, you know, it can be intense, you know, just, like, always knowing that, like, wherever you go, there's, like, another human that you're connected to.
It's, like it's just intense, you know? That's why I think it's, like, really good, therapeutically, for each us to sort of have our own - It's my turn.
- Space.
Okay.
Ah.
That's it's really crazy that that's, like, the only metal pipe around, huh? Yeah.
Only a madman can believe that she could ever be like before.
Don't argue with me Wait, did you hear that? No, not that.
That's my mom.
Did you hear that? That laugh? That's my dad.
He's here.
He's back.
So my mom and dad got together when they were real young.
Like, I was real young, too.
Like, I was "still in her belly" young, so I was in my minuses.
And they settled down for a while.
But Dad's a player.
He's, like, a Tiger King.
You can't keep him caged down too long.
He has too much love, if that makes sense.
I mean, look at him.
He's basically irresistible Like me.
Anyways, about a year ago, he got his booty call Jessie pregnant, and he's, like, a good guy, so he felt like he had to move out and go stay with her, and that's when Mom started staying in bed, but I always knew he'd come back.
Dad, welcome home! Hey, Kel.
Go, Dad! You're on fire! Not right now, Kel.
I got to focus.
Oh, look out, there's one of those flying beetle things behind you, Aldous.
No! Wait.
The other behind you, you goofball.
- Oh! Nice shot, buddy, yeah.
- Oh! Oh, man, we make a great team, don't we? Yeah.
It's so amazing Dad is back.
I'm, like, super exhausted, but I think it's just the adrenaline or whatever, so Kel, hey, hey, I hate to ask again, but can you can just do that later, right? Yeah.
This level takes a lot of concentration.
Oh, Jimmy and I had a great date.
Lot of cheesy garlic bread Which was tough on the dress.
But, um, we didn't really discuss, uh our dating situation, which is cool.
But I did spend the night at his house for the first time.
I snuck out early this morning, because news alert, I got a lead on a very big story.
They are finally filling the pothole on Spurgeon Street.
Yeah, I'm gonna get there early, get the exclusive.
But a little curveball uh, the zipper on the dress is stuck.
Yeah, I can't get it down.
Um, I don't want to cut myself out, because, you know, it's the dress.
Do you guys think you could, um, just help me out? Oh, yeah.
No.
Cool.
Documentaries.
Can't change the course of history.
Let the baby gazelle get eaten.
Whatever.
Morning, Pop.
You want some cereal? Hey, kiddo.
No, I got to fly.
I got a monster day at the tree farm.
Hey, you know, let me know if you ever want a hand at work, 'cause I'd be happy to help out.
I mean, it is a family business.
So, since we're family, I'd sort of have to, if you asked.
You got, like, a travel mug/go mug that I could take with me? You can take that mug.
Just bring it back later, okay? All right.
Speaking of later, I was thinking about ordering your favorite ribs from Otis'.
- Oh, yeah? Is that my favorite? - Yes.
Remember? We used to have ribs from Otis'.
And then you would put Cheetos on the side of your plate, and you'd be like, "Now, that's a vegetable I can get behind.
" That does sound like me.
Well, I have the whole menu planned out, just like the old days, okay? Ribs from Otis', cheese puffs, and a chocolate cake for dessert.
- Sounds good.
- Okay, see you then.
Sure.
Later, Kel.
So what do you think it is about this particular pothole that made it such a lightning rod for town opinion? It's big.
It's big.
It's big.
What else can you tell me? - Nice dress! - Oh, thank you.
Anyway, back to the pothole.
Can you give me Hey, are you running for Queen of Flatch or something? Oh, yeah, running for queen.
That's right, Len.
Oh, I love that dress.
What's the occasion? She's running for queen.
Oh, fancy.
You know, you do bear a slight resemblance to a young Princess Margaret.
- Aw, thank you so much, June.
- Mm-hmm.
Um, if you two could excuse me, I'm actually - Who's Princess Margaret? - She's a British royal.
She smoked 50 cigarettes a day.
You don't smoke, do you? - Me? No.
- Oh, good.
Then I'll vote for you, too.
No.
I'm not running for anything.
Can I get a picture with you in that dress? I am in the middle of an interview.
Oh, it's okay with me.
Oh, great.
Yeah, sure, just a quick one.
I don't want to be in it.
Hey, nice dress.
Take a picture, you perv.
It'll last longer.
Kelly.
This better be important.
Okay, what do you want? I don't really have time for you today, dude, okay? I have a super-important family dinner I'm putting together.
No.
Yeah.
No.
I just I just need to hang out here for a sec.
Wait, dude, did you trip Len again? No.
I'm hiding from Beth.
- Wow.
I thought you loved her.
- I do.
From afar.
- Mm.
- You don't understand.
She's always there, every time I turn around.
Seriously, it's like, Beth, Beth, Beth.
It's like a horror movie without the cool murdering.
God.
Just texting, texting, texting.
38 messages.
And that's just since I got here.
I told you that this would end in misery.
Uh, it's not ending, no.
I just I need a little break.
Okay, well, if you're hiding from your girlfriend, - that's a really bad sign.
- Okay.
Yeah, you wouldn't understand what you're talking about, because you're not even mature enough to be in a relationship.
Oh, my God.
Stop.
Fine.
Okay, you can stay here.
Just stay out of my way.
And those are not for you.
Those are for my dad.
- Your dad? - Yeah.
He's back.
And we're having family dinner tonight, so you're on the street as soon as he's home.
This is not gonna end well.
Like, she loves him and will literally do anything for him.
But trust me, he's just gonna walk in there, eat all of those cheese puffs, and then do something to seriously bum her out, like the Cheeto Bandito.
And, obviously, I'm aware that that is a dated reference, and we've all moved beyond such a simple and offensive stereotype.
But it's true.
He's gonna destroy her.
And then guess who has to pick up the pieces after Hurricane Bobby blows through? Moi truly.
And with this Beth situation, I literally am about to bust.
My bandwidth is maxed to the max.
52 messages.
53.
Oh, my God.
Okay, what do you think? Should I use the plastic forks or the real ones? I feel like the real ones are, like, too formal, right? You know, Kel, um, you know, Bobby's pretty unpredictable.
I know.
I can see him being happy with either.
I'm gonna put down both, 'cause I mean in life, you know? I don't want you getting your feelings hurt if he doesn't show up.
I think I know my own dad, Shrub.
Besides, you're one to talk about relationships.
Look who's home.
Dad.
Hi, Dad.
There she is Kells Bells.
Hey, Shrub.
Looking good there, little man.
- Thank you, Uncle Bobby.
- Yeah.
All right.
This looks great, Kel.
Thank you.
You're cool if your mom and me eat up in Casa del Tina, right? - Yeah, of course.
- Yeah.
Thanks, Kel.
Okay.
Oh, wait, Dad, you forgot your vegetables! The only thing I expect out of you right now is, "Hey, Kelly, can I have some cheese puffs?" Um, can I? No, you can't.
Mandy.
Joe's definitely not here, right? Oh, yeah.
Coast is clear.
Oh, what are you working on? Just, uh, practicing some new tattoo designs, in case I get any calls today.
I figured if I practice on these festive seasonal squashes, I could use them as Christmas decorations.
- That's Rudolph.
- Oh, yeah.
No, I can um, I sort of see the red nose.
- Giuliani.
- Totally.
Very creative.
Can I ask you to do me a huge favor? I had a date with Jimmy, and I just I really need help getting out of this dress.
See, the zipper got jammed, and I have been stuck in it all day.
Oh, look at you, Fancy Nancy.
Oh, wow.
I haven't seen that in a while the dress.
What's the occasion? Big Stuff Friday? Big Stuff - She had a date with Jimmy.
- Mandy.
Ha ha.
Business is taking off.
You mind if I take an hour or so to knock out a tat? - Do I have a choice? - Nope.
So things are going well with Jimmy.
Yeah.
Did he give you a chocolate fountain? Not a metaphor.
- Oh, yeah, I know.
- Gross.
I would never use that as a metaphor.
'Cause I wore the dress when you took me to the place with the chocolate fountain.
Yeah.
No.
That's was a fun night.
Yeah.
Well, I have a date with a broken dishwasher.
Big Stuff Friday's, like, our busy time right now.
It's good to see you, though.
The dress still looks great.
- See you soon.
- See you.
Did you like the ribs? Why is your coat on? - I got to take off.
- Why? There's still chocolate cake, Dad.
Look, Kel, I respect you too much not to be straight with you, but your mom and I are like fire and fireworks.
We burn bright, and then we explode.
That's why you can only have fireworks once a year.
Who says? I mean, I think there should be a July 4th every month.
Doesn't work that way.
Oh, Kel, you and I are so similar.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Can't be tied down, you know? We're wildcards.
I get that, totally.
Sorry, kiddo.
Catch you around, K-Town.
Cheeto Bandito.
Mom! Do you want your cake, or can we eat it? Leave me alone! Yeah, I was totally expecting this.
I think it's, like, the first step in them getting back together, actually.
Sort of like a test run.
Like, everything needs that, so Also, he loved the ribs, so I nailed that.
All this equipment? Our nuclear storage units.
Dad? What do you want? Okay.
I'm just here to hang out with Shrub.
Why do you think he's here? I geo-tracked him.
Plus, he butt-dialed me three times.
And also his nan told me.
Plus, I can see him.
He's right there.
Hi, Shrub.
Oh, hey Beth.
She found me.
I found him.
I sent you five emojis, but you only sent four back.
Beth, can I talk to you in the kitchen? Sure.
So what is this, like, girl talk? - Yeah.
- Cool.
Want me to French braid your hair? - No.
- Okay.
Okay.
Look, B-Town, I respect you too much to not be straight up with you.
You and Shrub are like a firework.
- Like the Katy Perry song? - No.
Like, there can't be Fourth of July every day.
Don't you get that? Like, Shrub isn't into you.
He has his own life.
And you're just an inconvenience.
You're, like, a silly little girl, and he's a Tiger King, okay? You can't just cage him down.
Don't you get that? I think so.
Beth you and I are so similar.
- We are? - Yeah.
- That's cool.
- Yeah.
We're wildcards, okay? So I understand exactly how you're feeling.
But you got to face the facts and get your own life.
You can't count on him for anything.
- I don't - No.
It's over, B-Town, okay? I'm sorry, kid.
Well, um - thank you, Kelly.
- Mm-hmm.
It's so important for us sisters to be straight up with each other.
Yeah, okay.
Oh, we're hugging.
That's enough.
You need to go now.
Well, it's done.
Wait.
Wait, what? No, Kel Kelly, I-I-I didn't want to break up with her.
I wanted to go on a break.
Dude, Beth's a goddess.
I'm not gonna Don't even start.
I mean, I lost my boo, but I made a new BFF.
Mm, Kelly is so awesome.
That reminds me I should text her some emojis.
Um, do you have her number? - Another exercise bike? - Yep.
Goes over there with the others.
Wow.
Nice dress.
Looking good, girl.
I didn't know tonight was formal.
Yeah, thank you.
Thanks.
Cheryl, are you here to help? Yeah, um, Joe, you and I are friends, right? Yeah.
Absolutely.
The kind of friends who will be there for each other no matter how bad it gets? - Yeah, of course.
- Great.
I need you to follow me behind this dumpster.
Get this zipper unstuck! Okay.
you got it.
Okay.
All right.
It's it's stuck.
It's really stuck.
Okay.
Okeydokey.
And a-one, two Oh.
It ripped.
Oh, gosh.
That's my queen.
- Oh, my - Hit the road, Len.
Come on.
Oh.
- Are you okay? - Yeah.
No, I'm, uh I'm fine.
Gosh, it's supposed to be my lucky dress.
I don't feel unlucky.
I'm sorry about your dress.
I know how much you loved it.
That's okay.
You know, sometimes you got to get out of something old to get into something new.
Or something new with someone old.
- Do you mean me and you? - I was joking.
No, no, no.
- Me and Jimmy.
- Like wordplay.
- You and Jimmy? - I'm terrible with wordplay.
God, you know me so well.
Huh? - Okay, well - Yeah.
- Thank you for the coat.
- You got it.
- Nope, nope.
Yep.
- Okay, here we go.
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
I'll just leave that there.
Oh, yeah, Big Stuff Friday.
It's funny, I haven't seen that dress in a while or held her like that.
I forgot how perfect she fits in my arms in in a platonic way, of course.
Big Stuff Friday was great.
I got a grill and some new drapes.
Big Stuff Friday is the best.
I mean, you can seriously sometimes snag something awesome, like an almost-working refrigerator.
One time, we got an old air hockey table, okay? And we used frozen hamburger patties as the puck.
Yes, and when it doesn't work, it's even better, 'cause it's the best stuff to smash! That's my bike, you! Go! Go! Dude, run! Oh, God! Go! Go! Go! Go! Oh, God.