Wizards vs. Aliens (2012) s01e08 Episode Script

His magic will soon belong to me! - Don't move, human! - Don't you recognise me? - Hello, I'm Lucy! - Take the wizard and his friends.
Gotcha, wizard! My name is Stephanie Gaunt! You're now my wizard, Thomas.
Lucy! I have an alien, so let's start with the world - why not? The whole universe! Power up the scanner, Lennox.
Let's see what we have here.
Stop it! You're hurting her.
If she's your enemy, shouldn't you be enjoying this? Wizards don't inflict pain, even on our enemies.
Only someone really sick could enjoy hurting another living thing.
So STOP it! Thank you, Lennox.
The deep particle scan will give me every detail of the alien's body.
Now, Thomas, tell me all about this enemy of yours.
I don't have to tell you anything.
Well, I could perhaps scan her again.
The Nekross came here for US - Wizardkind.
They feed on magic.
They want to drain it from every wizard on Earth.
Aliens that eat magic? I admit I didn't see that coming.
Few ever see the Nekross coming.
And none are left to see us depart! Nekross plural, Wizards plural.
So, neither of you are irreplaceable.
No human can enslave a Nekross! And no Wizard will work with one! Think of me as a peacemaker.
Two warring factions brought together.
Your magic, your alien technology - this test should be easy for you.
- What test? - Simple.
In one hour, you two are going to steal me the Crown Jewels! Here goes.
I call on the essence of Nekross.
Who dares to address the Nekross uninvited? Ah! The hag Crowe! Hear me, oh Nekross.
I, Ursula Crowe, elder of this blood line, invoke the ancient rite of parley and ask the help of you So! The mighty Wizards come crawling for OUR aid! Ha! I told you! We're wasting our time with these things! Listen! We've lost Tom.
You've lost Lexi.
We want the same thing, don't we? To find them! Doesn't it make sense that we need to work together? The Nekross need no assistance! Varg! By royal command, you will commence negotiations now! As the king commands, attend, Hag.
First, you must swear to respect the scrolls of Uthgar.
Who cares about the scrolls or statutes? Tom and Lexi are in danger! We've got to find them now! If you require Nekross assistance, it must be on our terms.
We must find a neutral area for the coalition.
Then let's get on with it.
The Crown Jewels - stored securely in the Tower of London for over 700 years.
Until today.
Because, in one hour, they'll have a new home here.
- What power do these primitive objects possess? - Put a crown on and you get to wave at people.
They're symbols of power.
Something money can't buy.
They're just a test.
After that we'll move on to bigger things - Silicon Valley, Fort Knox.
You will bring me real power! Lennox! All the information you need is here.
YOU have magic.
YOU have alien science.
You will tell me how to commit the perfect crime.
I can't do that - it's impossible.
You'll be surprised what you can achieve when your life - and that thing's life - are at stake! What you're asking - that's powerful magic.
I'd need a few things.
More than a finger and a thumb? You want a spell from a distance.
It will need a boost.
Certain herbs, magical powders - chemicals to you.
If you say so.
Lennox! I think I'll take this.
No! The Form Filter has a dual function.
Without it, I cannot breathe the atmosphere of this filthy world.
Remove it and I die! I hope you're not lying to me.
Take it and find out! The magnesium powder is vital.
Get all of this, by any means.
NOW.
Don't disappoint me.
Play nicely.
I think the alien's lying.
Get me those scan results fast.
I want to know how it breathes! On this day, at this appointed hour, exemplars of Wizardkind and the Nekross, come to join forces in quest of those who are lost.
Since the Neverside Wars, this has been an enchanted place.
Here, no act of magical aggression can be done, no weapon can function.
I declare the truce in force.
An alliance of Wizards and Nekross! You have finished talking? Good.
Nekross technology is needed - not words.
The Form Filter I wear will assist in infiltrating the enemy lair.
And Nekross weaponry will assist in said enemy's destruction! We've got to find said enemy first! To which end you bring That?! I've been trying to access any speed cameras near that lane.
I want to see if I can get the numberplate of the van I saw Tom and Lexi in.
But I've not had much luck.
Superior Nekross technology will enhance this toy! It can interface with and dominate any computer.
So, describe precisely the specifications of your inferior technology.
Going to show your mighty Nekross powers? Smash up a camera? I see you have studied the Gaunt woman's plans like an obedient slave.
So, now you can prepare your unusually magnesium-based magic, Tom Clarke.
Nice to know YOU care, Lexi! How nice to know YOU care, Wizard! What are you doing? The Gaunt woman has monitored us ever since our arrival.
I have just engineered a solution.
Now, Tom Clarke, we can talk freely at last.
So, you've looped the camera? She can't see us or hear us? That is what I said.
OK, so we can talk.
About what - escaping? Do you need my help? Oh, that would be a good one! I'm curious.
You tried to stop the Gaunt woman harming me.
First, when you thought I was Lucy, again when you knew I was your enemy! Why? Maybe because of Lucy.
I liked her.
And she never even existed.
I worked hard to trap you, Wizard.
Lucy was the perfect disguise.
Yeah, all that homework you did.
Was that just for me? I found some of the social rituals interesting.
Nekross culture is rigid, geared for survival.
Yours is so erratic and undisciplined.
And fun, remember? Chocolate and football and the park.
From where I was standing, it looked as if you were enjoying yourself.
I think you liked being Lucy! You forget, Wizard - I am not Lucy! You see, Lexi, that's the thing.
You ARE.
When you wore that disguise, you WERE human! And now you've seen the world properly, do you really want to destroy it? Time is short! I have a plan of escape.
You clearly have a plan also.
So, shall we stop talking and start trying to find a way out? I have configured the device to the stated parameters.
Now behold! Oh, brilliant! Just brilliant! How are we going to trace that van now? Urgh! Your primitive machine was at fault.
You haven't answered Benny's question.
What do we do now? Must be something in here.
Argh! What are you doing? There may be a more efficient way! You say you saw this 'van' with your inferior human eyes? - For a second, but - Yet you cannot remember the code number we require? Sorry, but us 'inferior' humans don't have photographic memories.
Not yet.
Zarantulus! Send down the Brain-Scrape! Brain-Scrape? Oh, boy! I wish we knew where we were.
Focus on my plan! YOUR plan? Any plan expressed in the presence of a member of the Royal House of Nekron becomes our property.
You really will steal anything! Your kind are so quick to judge.
So much talk of fairness and democracy and justice! Humans bleat on and on.
Nothing gets done! If you don't like Earth, Lexi, why don't you just leave? Not while magic exists here.
NOTHING compares to the taste! So, it's all just cos it tastes good? That's never struck you as wrong? How many humans are starving on your planet? Even the poorest Nekross has a place in our society.
We'd never let a single one starve! But anyone else, anyone who isn't a Nekross gets trampled on? At least in my society we have freedom! We're locked in a cell, Tom Clarke! - Did you just smile? - No! LEXI LAUGHS I'll never understand you.
I will never understand YOU! A Wizard, with such power.
Yet all you want to do is kick a ball! Football's my thing, Lexi.
Not my family's, not Benny's.
Then you lot turned up, so what I wanted didn't matter any more.
But today, Lucy made me feel like it did matter.
That it wasn't just a stupid dream.
Enough talk! Get on with my plan.
The Brain-Scrape is ready! No way! That thing is going nowhere near me.
You just blew up my laptop! It is possible your human brain will explode.
- Is it not worth it to save your friend? - No.
No way! I will not allow this.
Wait! Wait! One second.
I might be able to help.
I think so anyway.
What is it, Mrs Crowe? For centuries, Benjamin, Wizards have used the Spell of Rapport.
It smoothes the way for thoughts and ideas, even dreams.
Opens up the deep mind's eye.
If I cast the charm on Benjamin, perhaps that nasty thing wouldn't have to scrape so hard? - How you coddle the halfling! - You sure about this? Really sure? Well I I admit I haven't done it in, well 40 years! Benny.
It's YOUR choice.
Brave, brave boy Just stay with me, Benjamin.
SHE RECITES AN INCANTATION Varg, do it.
Now! SHE RECITES AN INCANTATION Concentrate, human halfling! There! The code.
Shut it off.
NOW! Gently! Careful, Benjamin.
GV1-2 F-R-K.
We need to trace that numberplate, Varg.
I already am! There! I think that'll do it.
We may not require them after all.
As we have an open door, Tom Clarke.
Of course, I could escape now.
But we stand a better chance together.
As allies.
- We must locate an ancillary accent.
- You mean a door? Those two are awfully quiet.
- What is it? - Did you see that, Adams? For a moment A glitch! Oh, they have been clever.
But not clever enough.
Full alert! I have it! The origin of this 'van' - the dwelling of our enemy! Where? My car's outside, we should all just about fit.
Human idiot! Teleport now! GV12 FRK.
We have found our enemy! I can hear alarms.
Bet you anything it's Tom.
Come on! One door.
As promised.
We have the advantage of surprise! So, we slip in quietly.
No.
We attack.
Follow me! Going somewhere? Now, Lennox! Sorry.
Teleport us.
Now! No! The weight of you fleshy humans has drained it of power.
Now move! I was expecting you to try to escape, of course.
But that looped camera though, oh, very clever.
Lexi, I presume? Well, now you've got that out of your systems, you can get back to work.
You will bring me the Crown Jewels in ten minutes.
Understand! We're not working for you, Gaunt.
That's Gran.
And Dad and Benny! They came to rescue you.
I was expecting that too.
Now they're my guests - and if you don't want something bad to happen to them in, say ten minutes, do as you're told! I try to make my visitors comfortable.
I can't offer any guest rooms, just a strong room.
A very strong room! - Where is my sister? Speak! - What have you done with Tom? Thomas and Lexi are doing well.
For now.
But should you try anything I will, unfortunately, have to dispose of them.
So try NOT to.
- No, listen! - It's no good, Michael.
No good.
Oh, what use were we to Tom? Don't get upset, Mrs Crowe, cos I've got a plan.
What if it goes wrong? She's got our families.
That was her biggest mistake! No-one will harm my blood kin while I live.
Time's up.
This plan is demeaning to a Prince of Nekron.
Yeah, well, it's also our only hope.
That woman could be doing anything to Tom - and Lexi - come to that! But I have not prepared as Lexi did.
I cannot act like a human! Do what I told you to do, say what I told you to say and it will work! Adams! Open the door! - Adams! - Ma'am? How did you get in there? The alien genius, Varg, and his sister, Lexi, are behind it! They teleported me into that cell and teleported the Wizard scum to a place called Ipswich! - Ipswich? But Ma'am! - Do not question me.
Gather your fleshy servants - guards! All of them.
Every one.
You must do this personally and keep comms silent.
The aliens monitor the primitive signalling devices we use! Then get into your vans, GV12 FRK included, and set course for Ipswich.
Maximum power! Give me that! You three.
With me.
Quickly! Code 15! Ipswich, repeat, Ipswich! Well? I'm waiting.
All security systems in this London Tower have been disabled.
You may proceed.
Good.
Now, cast your spell, wizard.
Bring the Crown Jewels to me! Ben-eee-sherr-wood, master of smoke, you are such a brilliant bloke! You'll pay for this, you can't escape.
- GUARDS! GUARDS! - Move back.
Sorry, Gaunt, but you wanted magic.
Let me out! We must find out where Gaunt's got the others.
You must find them, Tom Clarke, but take care around Varg! What? Aren't you coming? The scan - Gaunt has information about the Nekross, which no human should ever possess.
It is my imperative duty to find it and destroy it.
I understand.
So, we split up? Couldn't be more obvious, could it, Tom Clarke? That our destinies lie in different directions? So, the next time we see each other, are we friends or enemies? What exactly are we now - Tom? Isn't that the door to outside? We don't want that door.
We have to find Tom! Some rescue party you lot turned out to be! Tom, you're safe! Nekross files deleted! Wizards files deleted! A delicious reunion for my allies.
Now, where is my sister? Easy now, she's safe.
Varg to Zarantulus! I shall soon return.
With Wizards! I've a feeling our coalition's over.
I knew we couldn't trust him.
Indeed.
My father will be happy to dissolve our coalition face to face, but that only requires Tom Clarke and the hag.
You humans can be disintegrated here and now.
But we helped you.
What? What happened to him? I don't know, Benny.
Maybe that teleport thing charged itself up again, and he Oh, shush the lot of you.
Let's get out of this awful place before he comes back.
Come on! Mush! Come on.
Goodbye, Tom Clarke.
I had them in my power, Father! But a A teleport malfunction robbed me of them.
- Where is Lexi? - I am here, Father.
Sister.
You are safe! Daughter! You have returned to me.
And I bring with me a human that dared imprison a Princess of Nekron! I It was a mistake, Your Majesty.
The fault of your enemy - the Wizard.
We could work together on this - get revenge.
You interest me.
Step closer.
I am a rich woman.
I'd be able to invest a considerable amount of money in a scheme to capture him.
Come.
Closer still.
We'd naturally be equal partners in this scheme.
Partners? Closer, closer.
Come.
You see, I like to know where I stand.
Directly above the Skorpulus pit.
I could eat that all over again! Tom can cook you up an egg, no problem.
He does smoke bombs as well.
Based on my secret recipe, right, Tom? Yeah.
You've both been such brave boys.
All the things you've been through! At least we're a long way away from the Nekross now! Glad to be away from that poor excuse for a planet? So, the next time we see each other, are we friends or enemies? All I'm seeing is a little face.
That's Nekross tech.
What is that?! A message.
- A Nekross signal.
- It could be a trap.
- Don't open it.
- Bingo! Engage emergency protocols.
- We're going to bring down the Nekross? - We must leave.
Nekross.
Never.
Run! They've gone, they've gone forever.