Wonderfalls s01e08 Episode Script

- Previously on Wonderfalls.
- This lion is defective.
Don't give her money back.
I'm almost numb enough to start something on the rebound.
What do you say? I may be clinically insane.
You might wanna hold out for someone a little more stable.
- How'd you get him to do that? - I asked.
- Very clever.
- He was surprisingly eager.
- [ Mahandra .]
Eager's a good thing.
- Uh-huh.
- You're staring.
- Uh-huh.
- No, I'm not.
I'm supervising.
- [ Laughing .]
- I see what you're supervisin'.
- [ Chuckles .]
It's like an apple.
You could bounce a quarter off that apple.
Apples are good for you.
[ Hushed .]
Oh! - [ Both .]
Hi.
- Sure is hot.
- Sure is.
- You want something to drink? - I have bottled water.
- Bottled would be great.
- [ Hand Slaps .]
- I'll get it.
You stay and continue the mating ritual.
When do I get to come over and watch TV? Oh.
I don't know.
I just have the one TV, and it's very small.
That's okay.
We can sit close.
- [ Weak Chuckle .]
- [ Mahandra .]
Heads up.
- Thank you.
- Welcome.
[ As Monkey .]
We could sit close.
[ As Lion .]
So close.
So close.
[ Smooching Noise .]
Your man sweat is like honey-mustard glaze on my tongue.
[ Moaning Sound .]
- Inappropriate touching.
- This isn't fun for anybody.
- Stop it! - You stop it.
- I haven't started anything.
- That's what I'm talking about.
You should stop with the not-starting and start something already.
- He's married.
- [ Drill Whirring .]
To a philandering strumpet.
Those sorts of marriages get annulled.
I can't be in a relationship right now.
- I have issues.
- Who doesn't? I'm going through a ''me'' phase.
- ''Going through''? - Leave me alone.
- [ Sighs .]
- Why can't I just be celibate? Um, because you like boys? And this boy is ready for your jelly.
Look at him.
He's smitten.
- [ Whirring .]
- Uh! Smitten and eager are bad.
You know what you get with smitten and eager.
Romance-- relentless, treacly, manufactured romance.
That kind of romance never ends well.
[ Chattering .]
Darling.
[ Chattering .]
[ Chattering .]
[ Bell Dings .]
Girl needs a boy.
- What did you say? - Girl needs a boy.
What girl needs is to get in the door before the badgering starts.
That's what girl needs.
'Kay? - Girl needs-- - Coffee! Girl needs a-- Girl might actually find time to have a boy if you'd ever shut up.
Doughnut.
Girl needs a doughnut.
Finally something sensible.
[ Bell Dings .]
- Hmm.
- Mmm! [ Murmurs .]
- Hi.
- Hi.
I was just comin' to see you.
- You were? - Yeah.
I brought you doughnuts.
- Those doughnuts? - Mm-hmm.
- She was starving.
- But you were bringing me-- And then she's here-- And now they're all-- - And she is? - Her name's Katya.
From Russia.
- Mm.
- I was passing by and a little voice told me I should probably stop and check on her.
Voice? There was a voice? Yeah.
You know, that little voice inside? Oh, right.
The little voice inside.
She looked like she needed help.
Interesting.
- I guess she's been here all night.
- She slept at the fountain? Fountain of Love.
I meet my Peter.
I marry.
But he no come.
- Peter got a phone number? - No.
No phone.
But he make me letter.
These are all e-mail printouts.
No last name.
No physical address.
You think she's one of those Russian mail order brides? - You know, sex slave? - No sex slave! I coming for love and some sex.
But no slave.
- This is so sad.
- [ Loud Belch .]
Still hunger.
[ Chattering .]
And another order of buffalo wings.
- Taste like chicken, yes? - Yeah.
Funny, right? ''Never break this spell I'm under.
Every thought of you is wonder.
'' I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.
I don't know.
I think it's kinda sweet.
Anyway, we're supposed to be looking for clues, not critiquing the lovelorn.
Okay, but I gotta ask.
I mean, I sorta get why you'd give her my doughnuts and even springing for the ''all you can eat'' wings.
But even if we do find this guy there's gotta be a reason he ditched her.
Why would you wanna get involved in something so potentially messy and complicated if you don't have to? Because she makes me sad.
- Are you attracted to her? - If I were attracted to her I wouldn't be trying to find the guy she's in love with, would I? Oh.
Good answer.
Is this because of Heidi? - Heidi? - Yeah, your wife.
I know who Heidi is.
Why would it have anything to do with Heidi? It would explain why you're so big with the empathy.
Hell, you only had to drive in from New Jersey to be betrayed and dumped on your honeymoon.
That poor woman came all the way from Asia Minor and never even got to have the wedding.
I am over Heidi.
But I have been in love, if that's what you mean.
Well, yeah, who hasn't? - Have you? - Have I what? - Been in love.
- [ Murmurs .]
Yeah.
Sure.
I think so.
You think so.
I've had boyfriends.
Lots.
- Yeah, but you've never been in love.
- You don't know that.
It would explain why these letters make you cringe.
It's like a language you haven't yet learned.
Actually, I think it's a language the author hasn't yet learned.
He seems to think ''nuptial'' rhymes with ''cupful.
'' When it happens to you-- when you finally open yourself up to it-- you'll just know it in your bones.
- What do you mean, open myself up to it? - You are a little closed-off.
- I'm not closed-off.
- A little bit.
I thought maybe it was because you'd been hurt.
- But since you've never been in love.
- I've been hurt.
- Okay.
- And I'm not closed-off.
I'm open-- open for business.
I'm just not actively active right now because my life is so full.
Solve the mystery? Or should I have Pedro slaughter some more chickens? - We're still workin' on it.
- You better work quick.
You do know this girl's supposed to get married at 6:00 at the Fountain of Love? - That's where we found her.
- She thinks people get married at the fountain.
The Fountain of Love is a chapel down on Rainbow Boulevard.
Oh.
That Fountain of Love.
- Can you believe this place? - I know.
Is too beautiful.
- Hi.
We're here about a wedding.
- Of course you are.
Katya here is-- She's, you know - the one who's-- - Katya's the bride and we're wondering if the groom has arrived.
- His name Peter.
- Peter got a last name? They're on a first-name basis.
6:00.
What have you got on the books for 6:00? - 6:00 canceled.
- Cancel? - No cancel! - Yes, canceled.
A stop payment was put on the credit card charges last night.
[ Katya, Whimpering .]
Cancel.
[Jaye .]
Think we could get an address and phone number? - [ Gasping .]
Oh.
- [ Woman .]
Our privacy policy is very strict.
[Jaye .]
How aboutjust the last name? - Come on.
She's his fiancée.
- Then she should have his contact information.
And if she doesn't, well, it's probably for his own safety.
How bad do you think I'd feel if I gave you his address and you went over there and killed the son of a bitch? - Eric! - Nobody panic.
I've seen this a million times.
- Come on.
- Eric! - [ Coughing .]
- [ Tearing .]
That was awesome! You did the whole vapors thing and dropped.
It got a little Don Knotts at the end with the eye-rolling but, other than that, very real.
That was real? I'm sorry.
The last time-- - The last time I was in one of those was when-- - Heidi.
I wasn't expecting-- I really am over her.
You seem over her.
Is beautiful.
I always dream of such a house-- split-level revival with French modern influence.
Da? Yeah.
Nice pad.
[ Sighs .]
Oh, I change my mind like he did.
- What? - Maybe he come and see I no great prize.
That'd be impossible.
You're adorable.
Katya, this is something you have to do.
- If you don't ring that bell, it could haunt you.
- He's right.
If you don't face this now, you could be eating chapel floor the rest of your life.
- That wasn't a reference.
- [ Exhales .]
I not know.
- He owes you an explanation.
- And airfare.
- He owes you airfare.
- No.
He no want me.
He reject me.
He cancel credit card.
Fine, but if he canceled after he brought you all the way over here then he's damn well gonna explain why.
Don't you want that? Don't you think you deserve that? Ring bell.
[ Doorbell Rings .]
[ Clears Throat .]
Hi.
We're looking for PeterJohnson.
I'm PeterJohnson.
- The other PeterJohnson.
- There isn't one.
I'm Peter.
And you must be Katya, my darling.
Oh, no.
I need bigger Peter.
My darling Katya, I would never have missed our nuptials except I got grounded.
- What are you, like, five? - Sixteen.
Fifteen.
Fourteen on my next birthday.
- He tiny boy.
- I'm so sorry, my darling.
If I had just cashed in a bond and not used my dad's credit card I'd be married now instead of grounded.
But in J PEG you send, you man, not unripe dumpling.
I used photo-imaging software to age myself.
It's how I will look in 1 2 to 1 5 years.
But you-- You look even better than yourJ PEG.
I send you most intimate photographs.
I know.
I made them into my desktop wallpaper.
- [ Screaming .]
- Katya! [ Peter.]
Katya, please, darling.
[ Screaming, Sobbing .]
[ Continues Sobbing .]
Can't you get her to stop? She just found out the man she loves doesn't exist.
Her heart's broken.
This is what happens.
People cry.
I cried for three days.
- [ Sobbing Continues .]
- Okay, you were right.
I guess I've never been in love.
Because the only time I made a noise like that, I'd had some bad fish.
Love doesn't always sound like that.
You have to be willing to risk the heartache if you want the good stuff.
Right? I'm pretty sure there's lots of good stuff you can get without all of that.
Sure, but if you want to be close to somebody-- really close-- you have to open yourself up.
- [ Sobbing Continues .]
- Like a wound? - You have to drop the defenses.
- I don't have defenses.
No.
You have offenses.
Don't you ever wish you had someone you could just be yourself with? I'm not sure who that is yet.
Well, wouldn't it be interesting to find out? - [ Doors Burst Open .]
- I want home! I want Russia! I am all alone.
! I have no one.
! - Well, all of us are alone, essentially.
- [ Sobbing .]
You not alone.
You have Eric the Great for boyfriend.
Uh, no boyfriend.
Not boyfriend.
Just boy.
Just friend.
Not a couple.
- There's no couple.
- I think she got it.
I think we all did.
[ Sniffles .]
You alone too? Yeah.
[ Peter .]
Katya.
! Katya! - [ Man .]
Shut up.
! - Keep it running! - Get outta here.
- I came to collect my wife! - Leave! Shoo! - [ Yells .]
No shoe.
Definitely not those shoes.
- [ Yelling .]
- Come away with me to my cabin our magical hideaway where you'll always be safe and pampered.
And all your desires will forever be met.
- Come, Katya! Come! - [ Shouting In Russian .]
[ Continues Shouting In Russian .]
Yeah.
What she said.
Let me have my bride! That kid doesn't need a bride.
He needs a talking-to.
Someone needs to explain to him what it means to be a man.
You can't expect a guy to do that.
- Peter,you and I have to have a talk.
- Here.
40,000 channels.
Welcome to America.
We'll be back.
AtJosh Posganser's bar mitzvah the rabbi proclaimed he was a man and he turned 1 3 six months after I did.
That doesn't make him a man.
That's a symbolic rite of passage.
A 1 3-year-old isn't ready for the responsibilities that come with starting an adult relationship.
I did everything I was supposed to do.
I found a woman.
I paid for her.
I intended to marry her and provide my family's luxurious cabin on the lake in Chautauqua.
I'm ready.
I love her.
I burn for her.
You lied to her.
You didn't tell her who you really were.
- She knows who I am now.
- And she doesn't want you.
See what happens when you tell the truth? Sorry.
Continue.
- Anyway-- - Tell him how getting involved in a relationship is like heaving after bad fish.
That wasn't my observation.
That was yours.
Oh.
Tell him the thing about how love is like an open wound.
- Also yours.
- Oh.
Peter, for your own good, don't go after a woman who isn't interested.
- They'll just make you crazy.
- What's that supposed to mean? Just giving the kid some advice.
That's not advice.
That's thinly veiled subtext.
Whether she's interested or not isn't the point.
- So you think maybe she is? - Shut up.
He's 1 3.
He's practically a zygote.
That's the only argument you need to make.
- I'll be 1 4 in a month.
- See? He's willing to wait.
Don't wait.
She doesn't want you.
You're setting yourself up to be tortured.
Actually, torture would imply some malicious intent on her part and I don't see it.
- You'd be torturing yourself.
- So you can't really blame her.
Who said anything about blame? If it's not there, it's not there.
Who said anything about blame? If it's not there, it's not there.
- Nothin' you can do about it.
- Sometimes it's there.
There's just larger, more insurmountable obstacles.
Something can't be ''more insurmountable.
'' - It's either surmountable or it's not.
- Point is-- obstacles.
- The only obstacle would be her disinterest.
- Or not.
You know what? I agree with your girlfriend.
There's a chance she's interested.
Your boyfriend's right.
It's not insurmountable.
- I wanna thank you both.
- [ Table Rattles .]
- Nice job.
- [ Table Rattles .]
Hi.
I think maybe I wasn't getting my point across back there.
Here's the remedial version.
Stay the hell away from Katya! She didn't pack up her whole life and leave everything behind so she could be with an embryo.
She wants a man, a real man.
My God, you've got fire.
Yeah, and it's gonna burn you unless you stay away from her.
Leave her alone.
Forget about her.
I've forgotten about her already.
Good.
Each time you start to think of her think of me instead-- my burning fire! - Got me? - Uh-huh.
Burning fire.
- Who are you forgetting about? - I don't remember.
Keep it that way.
[ Exhales .]
- Are you in the Mafia? - What are you talking about? A Russian mail order bride is not something you get on eBay.
You do realize these women are Russian mob-controlled sex slaves.
You can't be involved with a sex slave.
You get too close to something like that, you might be next.
I can't be next.
I'm not ready for a relationship right now.
- Huh? - I'm just trying to help her out.
- Out of what? - Out of my trailer.
Where's your sense of compassion? Can't you just have her deported? I can't have her deported unless her visa expires.
- What if she breaks the law? - You cannot go down that road again.
There's no more wiggle room on your rap sheet.
- I promised myself I wouldn't beg.
- No.
No.
No begging.
Please.
Please help me.
I-- I don't-- - [ Sighs .]
I guess I'll see what I can do.
- Thank you.
- [ Chuckles, Laughing .]
- What? You're not laughing because of the begging? I just think it's funny you moved in with a woman before I did.
[ Laughing .]
- Oh.
Hello.
- Hi.
- [ Sniffing .]
- You cleaned.
Having to do ''somethings'' to stop crying.
- I hope you not minding.
- Not at all.
I kinda like having a wife.
- Oh, my God.
You made dinner? - [ Speaking In Russian .]
Is that ''yes'' or is that ''dinner''? I not knowing how to expect you back - so I not telling you about, um-- - [ Knocking .]
- [Jaye .]
Hi.
- Hi.
Eric, you come too quick.
[ Door Closes .]
I believe you've met my wife-- who seems to have fidelity issues.
Vodka.
Sorry.
It's not Russian.
I put in freezer.
You sit.
So I guess she won't be crying for three days.
- This isn't a date.
- What is it then? [ Speaking Russian .]
Oh.
Fish Jell-O.
And it looks like just enough for two.
No.
Plenty for all.
Uh, you stay.
You can be third wheel.
Matryoshka.
Nesting doll.
- My town, Zagorsk, famous for this.
- Beautiful.
This is me.
I always baby.
I feel so small.
I want bigger.
But mostly, I need love.
Couldn't find it back home, huh? Only old ''mens'' and cripple, so I making Web page.
And Peter, he hit me many times with much love so I coming as bride to America to live with many things and much food.
- And look where I now-- in sardine can with curtains.
- [ Katya, Eric Laugh .]
[ Forced Chuckle .]
- Mmm! [ Laughing .]
- [ Laughing .]
Capitalism mean land of plenty.
Capitalism makes society greedy, insensitive.
With socialism, everyone would have a job, and everyone would have the same amount of money.
Everyone have job.
No one get paid.
You waiting in line 30 hours in frozen cold for piece of bread and then you telling me you liking socialism.
[ Eric, Katya Laughing .]
You can't lead with a heart until hearts are broken.
- Mm, my heart's not broken? - No, these hearts.
Your turn.
[ Katya .]
Oh,Jaye breaks hearts.
Yes, she does.
[ Dog Barking, Distant .]
I'll show you a real man.
[ Flowers Fall To Ground .]
- This was in your hair.
- Dorsal fin.
I was looking for that.
Thanks.
So how long is glasnost gonna go on tonight? 'Cause, you know, I gotta get up early.
- Aren't you having a good time? - Mm, not as good as some people.
Though that could be because I don't have anyone cutting myJell-O for me.
You really shouldn't lead her on.
Do you think I have? No.
You've been a perfect gentleman but that could be taken the wrong way, you know.
By whom? I thought you said you weren't attracted to her.
Well, she was engaged at the time.
And now that she's not, you suddenly are attracted? - I didn't say that.
- What are you saying? Who's for vodka? [ Whimpering, Grunts .]
- [ Knocking .]
- [ Door Opens .]
- [ Knocking .]
- [ Door Opens .]
Look what your boyfriend did to me.
- [ Rock, Indistinct .]
- [ Chattering .]
Hi.
I have a problem.
Peter showed up at my house last night with a big black eye, and he says you did it.
- That's ridiculous.
- Yeah, I know.
I have a problem.
Peter showed up at my house last night with a big black eye, and he says you did it.
- [ Chuckles .]
- What are you laughing at? It's not funny.
Clearly he did it to himself.
The kid is disturbed.
He thinks you're my boyfriend.
- You're the one that gave him a taste for it.
- For what? Violence.
I'm sure he fell in love with you the second you threw him up against that wall.
No.
If I wanted him to fall in love with me I would have given him a taste for fish Jell-O.
- What's that supposed to mean? - It's impossible you could have liked any of your 3 portions.
It's fish Jell-O.
You do realize that's Jell-O and fish? I don't know why you're so bent out of shape.
You made it perfectly clear you weren't interested in me.
When did I make anything perfectly clear? ''No boyfriend.
Not boyfriend.
Just boy.
'' Did you mention that to little Peter? You're not my boyfriend.
It's just a statement of fact.
Doesn't mean I'm not interested.
Are you? If I were in a position to be interested in somebody I think it could be safe to say it'd be someone very much not unlike you.
Did you just come down here to deliver your mixed message in person? I came here because I have a Peter problem.
He invited me to the opera.
You gotta help me out.
I can't have a stalker whose voice hasn't changed yet.
- I don't know what you expect me to do about it.
- Talk to him.
Or smack him around for real.
Whatever.
He'll never hear it from me.
He thinks I'm your boyfriend.
He'll never hear it from me.
He thinks I'm his girlfriend.
Then I guess we'll just have to find someone he will hear it from.
- [ Backup Beeper .]
- [ Man .]
Set that crate down right here.
[ Men Chattering .]
- Excuse me.
Are you DickJohnson? - Yeah.
Not now.
Fernando, we gotta reprocess that shipment.
- Mr.
Johnson, if you could just give me a few minutes.
- It better be good.
- You tell me.
I need to speak to you about your kid.
- What about my kid? [ Knocking .]
Look what your boyfriend's father did to me.
I probably shouldn't have said that thing about his wife.
Whatever you said didn't give him any right to hit you.
I kind of implied that Peter was taking his cue from the way his father treats his mother.
- That doesn't sound so bad.
- Apparently she's dead.
- She died a year ago.
- Oh.
And he didn't actually hit me, but it was his fault that I walked into the forklift.
- So Peter have no mother? - Seems like he doesn't have anybody really.
Poor kid's trying to deal with his mother's death and he's got a father that can't be bothered.
Ow! - Sorry.
- You make so cold you kill flesh.
We disinfect.
He's obviously starving for adult attention, and he's not getting it at home.
He's hit puberty, and now he's confusing the issue.
Ah.
Ah.
Well, clearly, there's just one solution to this problem.
I'm gonna have to start dating the kid.
- [ Woman Singing Opera .]
- [ Chattering .]
- [ Spritzing .]
- Oh, geez.
You're not dressed for an afternoon ofTchaikovsky and heavy petting.
Ew!Just get in the car.
- Are we going someplace more intimate? - Oh, yeah.
- [ Chuckles .]
- You're gonna love it.
I knew you'd come around.
I hope you're through with that abusive boyfriend of yours.
- He's not my boyfriend.
- Did he beat you? He didn't beat me, and he didn't beat you either.
He denied it, didn't he? Of course he did.
He's a liar.
He's a liar who beats people.
He's not a liar.
You're a liar.
- Did you, like, pay someone to hit you? - No.
With eyes that beautiful, how can you be so blind? - What? - He's threatened by me.
- Oh, shut up.
- He wants you all to himself.
He won't share you with anyone.
You're in danger.
He's dangerous.
I saw him smoking a cigarette.
He doesn't smoke.
He doesn't hit people.
He doesn't deface synagogues.
He doesn't frequent gay bathhouses.
- I have pictures.
- You have photo-imaging software! I only want to protect you.
Come with me to my cabin.
I'll keep you safe.
We have a cellar.
Listen, you could really learn a thing or two from the book that is Eric.
You'd be lucky to grow into half the man he is.
Huh.
! Yeah, right.
He's a wuss.
[ Peter.]
Where are we going? Excuse me.
Mr.
Johnson? I'd like you to meet your son.
- We've met actually.
- What'd you do? - My only sin is love.
- What'd he do? He ordered a wife from Russia.
You bought a woman? She's my fiancée.
Was my fiancée.
Where is she now, in some kind of shelter? She's singing Russian folk ballads at the High and Dry Trailer Park.
He was planning on locking her away in the woods where nobody would know about her or hear her scream.
What were you gonna do with her, Peter? Protect her! That's what you're supposed to do.
You're supposed to protect your wife and keep her safe and make sure she doesn't die.
- Peter, she had cancer.
- You should've kept her safe-- safe from carcinogens, safe from power lines and microwaves.
If you loved her more, you would have kept her safe.
If he loved her like I love you.
Okay, that's my other problem.
Peter, you're 1 2 years old.
You don't love this woman.
How would you know? You don't know how to love! That's what's wrong with you! He's a wuss-- just like your boyfriend.
If you want to slap him, I'll totally look the other way.
I'll show you how to love.
I'm Jaye.
Nice to meet you.
I'm just gonna make sure he doesn't steal my car.
[ Tires Screeching .]
You little son of a bitch! [ Men Chattering .]
I hitched a ride on a poultry truck.
And can I just say-- I'm never eating wings, ever again unless they're actually made from buffalo.
Where's Eric? I need to talk to him about our son.
- I thought he was with you.
- Me? Why would he be with me? We're not a couple.
Then why would you have a son? - And are you referring to that freaky kid Eric just left with? - He was here? - And are you referring to that freaky kid Eric just left with? - He was here? Uh-huh.
Came in, said something about you and a cabin, and then they both ran outta here.
Not that I was eavesdropping.
Well, not very successfully anyway.
Oh, my God.
Psycho-boy cabin.
The kid's probably got a shrine up there with Eric's picture and a bull's-eye or something.
The cabin.
The cabin.
Where did he say it was? - On a lake.
Which lake? Was it Chautauqua? - What is going on? - Remember that Russian mail order bride? - Yeah.
Actually, that's all I have time for right now.
I need your car.
- What happened to yours? - I lost it.
Um, I don't feel comfortable lending my car to someone who lost theirs.
I need your car.
Lives are at stake possibly.
That kid's not right.
He's fixated on Eric.
- Keeps insisting I should dump him.
- I thought you weren't a couple.
Shut up.
I need your car.
After the last time I let you borrow my car, I'm thinkin' not.
Fine.
Where's Eric's car? Probably in the parking lot, where people with cars park them.
- Where are his keys? - Probably in his pocket where people with pockets put things like keys.
- Damn.
- And since when do you need keys to start a car that doesn't belong to you? Ooh.
Good point.
[ Vehicle Door Closes .]
- Where is she? - Inside.
I told you.
She's inside.
But you can't just go rushing in there.
- You're gonna spook her.
- Why is she even up here? I told you.
She's under the impression that you assaulted me.
- Right, because you told her that.
- Yes, yes.
Whatever.
Anyway, she came up here to beg me not to press charges.
- That's when she hit her head? - She did that when she passed out.
I thought she was trying to scare me because-- You know how women are.
But she seemed pretty upset.
I tried to call a doctor.
She wouldn't let me.
She said she'd only talk to you.
Only you.
She only wanted you.
Jaye? Jaye? Do you want me to kick your ass? 'Cause I can.
I can do that if you'd like.
I'd rather this not spiral into a whole physical thing so I'll respectfully decline your offer to kick my ass.
[ Exhales .]
How long did you know? - The whole time.
- Damn.
Even if you got rid of me, you'd still be left with the biggest obstacle toJaye's heart.
- What's that? -Jaye.
- Hello? - [ Katya .]
Who is it? It's DickJohnson, Peter's father.
Hmm.
! Look, I'm sorry he did this to you.
I'm gonna pay your way back, okay? I see tree drop same rotten fruit.
- Excuse me? - You like Peter.
Not so tiny.
But you cannot put out fire by peeing much money on big flame.
You let small child who is like cross-eyed dog to run and ''poo'' over whole village.
If you're finished with the potty metaphors, just give me the name I can put on the check.
Pay, pay, pay.
What Peter needing, you cannot pay.
He have no parents.
- He has no mother.
- He have no parents.
He have no mother.
He have no father also.
He needing love.
He troubled.
He tortured poet.
Tortured maybe.
Poet? Don't think so.
Da.
Look at what your boy he write to me.
''I etched your name in the clouds ''but it was lost when the thunder cried.
''I etched your name in the surf ''but it was stolen by the rising tide.
- I etched your name--'' - I etched your name in my heart and forever it will there reside.
- You have read this? - I wrote it.
- What? - To my wife, years ago.
Peter, he must have found these and copied them.
I had no idea she kept them all these years.
Who would throw away such words? Her heart was captured by this.
Yeah.
I guess so.
And mine too.
[ Peter .]
I can't stop thinking about her.
[ Eric .]
There's nothing wrong with that.
It's normal.
- Really? - Yeah.
Why does it have to hurt so bad? Because you love her, but you know it's impossible to be with her.
Think I'll ever forget her? She's your mother.
She'll always be a part of you.
- Sorry I tried to steal your woman.
-Jaye's not my woman.
- She's not? - Uh-uh.
Oh.
Think I still have a shot? Actually, by the time you're old enough to date she might be ready to stop running, so maybe you do.
- What's she running from? - I don't know.
It'll take a smarter man than me to answer that.
I'm smarter than you, and I can't solve the riddle that is Jaye.
- She is a riddle.
- She's the most mysterious girl I've ever known.
- She's an enigma.
- She's a conundrum.
She's a 1 0-million-piece sky puzzle.
She's a lifetime of New York Times Sunday crosswords.
- She's a Rubik's Cube.
- She's here.
- In my car.
- [ Door Opens .]
Okay, so would one of you please tell me why someone isn't dead or injured? Say, for instance, him! I risked my life and your car to rush out here.
And, may I say,jeopardy puts a lovely blush in your cheek.
Shut up.
Get me a soda.
Okay.
- Hi.
- Hi.
[ Engine Stops .]
[ Springs Bouncing .]
- [ Knocking .]
- [ Woman Moans .]
Yes.
Can you help me? Jaye? Is-- Is Jaye in there? No.
Jaye no is here.
- You must be Katya.
- Da.
I am she.
Jaye asked me to look into helping you return to Russia.
- I think I've found a way.
- [ Dick .]
Hi.
She can't go back right now.
In fact, I'm not sure she's ever gonna leave.
But I'd appreciate it if you would.
[ Springs Bouncing .]
So,you came to rescue me.
I guess I kinda did.
Thanks, but he is only a kid.
Yeah.
Well, I guess I was trying to rescue you from me.
I'm the one who let him get away.
I don't think I need to be rescued from you.
- In fact, I think that-- - You know what maybe this isn't a conversation we should be having right now.
This isn't gonna be a conversation.
It's actually gonna be a speech by me.
I had some time to think during my abduction, and here's the thing.
I don't know what your issues are or what happened to you to make you the way you are but you're clearly not ready for a relationship.
Frankly, I think with you any sort of human interaction is pretty iffy.
And that's not a criticism because, God knows you saw what happened to me back in that chapel.
I'm damaged, and it's gonna take me time to heal-- probably longer than I can guess.
Which is why I think we should absolutely have a date.
- What? - You know, a date.
I know what a date is.
You're not talking about the fruit, are you? I just feel like there's something here-- a spark or chemistry or something.
We should explore that.
But the issues and the damage, you weren't wrong about any of that.
[ Sighs .]
In fact, you don't even know the half of it.
Forget about your damage.
I'm quite possibly certifiable.
Why would you want to get involved with anything potentially as messy and complicated as well, me? Because you make me happy.
So, you know when you have, like, that first date and there's all that tension because you've never kissed before? Now we can just go out, and it can be tension-free.
I, uh-- I still have tension.
So, I guess you worked out your differences.
We didn't have any differences.
Congratulations to the victor.
I'm gracious enough to admit that the better man has won the girl.
Don't worry about me.
I'll be fine.
You know, eventually.
I may still have issues.
[ Man .]
Get the ball, Bud.