Young Dracula (2006) s01e08 Episode Script

And that, Vladimir, is the story of the day you were born, And there's you riding Zoltan.
Oh! And look, that's you taking your first bite.
Rargh! Oh, the rest's just Ingrid.
Do we have to do this every year? It's embarrassing.
I know, son.
- You forget, I was young once.
- Yeah, 600 years ago.
So, what wild mischief have you got planned for your party tonight, you little delinquent? Balloons cake - Pass-the-parcel? - Oh.
You're just a late starter.
It'll come with time.
Not that much time, though, Master Vlad.
Only three more years till you become a proper vampire.
Yes, thank you.
I hadn't forgotten.
Three short years.
There'll be no normal parties for you then.
- I'm trying not to think about it.
- No cake.
No balloons.
Shut up! Just sucking blood and avoiding stakes.
Put a sock in it! Yes, three years.
Three whole years to find a way out of ever becoming a stupid vampire.
Starting today.
(He mumbles) Master Vlad! Master Vlad! The sole's worn, the heel's broken, they're too small.
Where do you think the money comes from? Bills don't pay themselves, you know.
Am I supposed to walk around barefoot? - That's the spirit! - Dad, I need some cash for party decorations.
- How much? - £5? Take ten.
Thanks, Dad.
You just gave Vlad £10! When it's your 13th birthday, you can have money.
- But I'm 15.
- Oh, bad luck.
I hope you fry in the sun.
Glow-in-the-dark plastic fangs and a bottle of fake blood.
- Thanks, Robin.
- It's dead cool.
Let me show you.
Open mine.
I actually put some thought into it.
You mind reader! I love it! What is it exactly? A sun lamp.
You wanted to lose that ghostly complexion.
That's not all it'll get rid of if the Count gets hold of it.
"Arrgh! I'm melting! "I'm melting!" Good point.
Let's try it out in the crypt.
It'll be safer down there.
But will we be? Ooo-hahahaha! Master Vlad? Where did you go-o-o-o? Now, hold this and point it at anything with fangs.
Right, left a bit.
A bit more.
Hold it! - I can see someone.
- A vampire feasting on mortal blood? Er, not quite.
It's the butler picking his nose.
Eurgh! Try the next window.
See anything? Argh! Please keep quiet, Jonathan.
Screaming like a girl is not conducive to vampire-slaying.
You need to take a leaf out of my book.
I never get scared by anything.
Pah! Ah Thank goodness for that.
Achooooo! Nerves of steel.
(Crash) Aaargh! You were saying? I can think of better places to sunbathe.
So, do I look any different? Wow! Who dug them up? That's Granny and Grandpa.
Mum's parents.
Krone and Atilla Westenra.
We don't talk about them much.
- They don't like Dad.
- Why not? Robin! That's none of our business.
Why not? They weren't exactly thrilled about us leaving Transylvania.
Renfield! Pack the hearse, we're leaving.
And where do you think you're going? There's an angry mob of peasants.
They're not here to borrow sugar! If you run away, you'll bring shame on this family.
If I stay, my family will be dust.
In 2000 years, no vampire has ever been chased away by breathers.
The Grand High Vampire will be flapping furious! Why were your grandparents in such a mood? Well, they're majorly strict about vampire tradition.
You wear a cape at all times, you've got to be asleep by daybreak, you can't eat normal food and you don't mix with breathers.
If they knew what my life was like here They'd kill you! No, they'd send me back to Transylvania, to a vampire boarding school.
No friends, no family, no daylight ever again.
I'd spend the rest of eternity lurking in the shadows.
Can you imagine anything worse? -Wicked! - Wicked, spiteful and evil.
At least they're 3000 miles away! (Bell rings) Is that for me? Oh, no! Let that be a lesson to you, son.
- Expect the unexpected.
- I was expecting disaster.
Oh, come on, son, show a bit of enthusiasm.
We've finally got cast-iron proof! Proof that your plans are rubbish! Look at that face, son.
That is the face of evil.
I think we should give it back, before we get in more trouble.
I will, in time.
I've got a feeling it might come in useful.
Quickly, quickly! The sun is setting.
They'll be out any second.
Some birthday this turned out to be! Aww, has poor Vlad's party been cancelled? Go sit on a stake! Get the cobwebs under the chairs and in all the corners.
- Is there anything else? - No.
Looks good to me.
No sign of breather-life anywhere.
Quick, hide! Atilla! Krone! - What an unpleasant surprise.
-You! You traitor! You've brought shame on this family.
You're a disgrace to the name vampire.
Nice to see you, too.
Ingrid, my favourite grandchild.
Oh, new shoes! Thanks, Granny! Tsch, it's only money.
Vladimir, come here, boy.
Into the shadows so I can see you better.
Too much colour in your cheeks.
You should stay inside more.
Leave him alone! Vlad's becoming a fine young vampire.
A credit to the family name.
Ha! Do you know what they call you now in Transylvania? The Prince of Darkness! - The Draculosers.
- The what? You ran away from a couple of breathers with garden rakes.
- It was a mob with flaming torches.
- Whatever makes you feel better.
Well, I can think of one thing that would make me feel better.
Don't threaten me, Count Draculoser.
Why? What are you gonna do about it? Me? It's the Grand High Vampire that you should worry about.
The Grand High Vampire? He has heard rumours that you may not be living a true vampiric life.
He has? I hope, for your sake, he's wrong.
(Toy car whirs) Jonathan, turn that off! (Whirring continues) (Whirring stops) If only there was a way to get inside the castle without actually going ourselves.
I like the second bit.
What? Jonathan I have a plan! Great, I'll alert casualty.
You feed regularly on the blood of peasants? Oh, every night.
It's blood, blood, blood.
You're feared and hated by all who meet you? - Everyone.
- Even the bin men.
Because if I discover anything suspicious, anything at all, I shall have to inform the Council.
You could be stripped of all your privileges.
Or worse.
(Clattering) I smell a breather! Probably just Renfield.
Granny, have you seen the gargoyles? What is the meaning of this? I'm Robin, Vlad's friend.
And who is this mortal? My lunch.
Nearly empty.
You're velcome to the dregs.
Vlad will have no friends unless I decide they are suitable.
Sit! Screwdriver.
Pliers.
You will be able to put my car back together? Yes, yes.
Always looking at the little picture.
Can't you see what we're creating? A mess.
Who are your parents? C-Count andCountess Spatula! Count Spatula? I know no Spatulas.
What part of Transylvania are they from? The, er The eastern part.
That explains it! What would you do if you were attacked with a stake? I vouldn't be.
I'm too clever.
Clever, eh? And arrogant, too.
Do you prefer French blood or Italian? Tick-tock, tick-tock! - Ooh, I know! I know! - Let him answer! - Neither.
They both taste of garlic.
- Hmm, I approve.
You could learn a thing or two from this boy, Vlad.
- Swot! - Well done, boy.
- A breather! - Run for it! Stop them! They're getting away! Mixing with breathers is an unforgivable crime.
What should we do with them, Atilla? Rau (harm) durere (pain) moarte (death)! I couldn't do that.
I've just had this cloak dry-cleaned! Now, listen here, you old bat You wouldn't want the Grand High Vampire to find out about this, would you? As for you, Vlad, our only grandson, we expected better.
Vlad's shown he's not a worthy heir.
I think I should take his place.
Don't be stupid, child.
Girls don't inherit the title.
- But Granny - No! You're a girl.
And don't forget it.
Besides, it's about time Vlad started to take his role more seriously.
Atilla! My bag.
You are the future of the bloodline, Vlad.
We can't allow you to become an embarrassment like your father.
It is possible, Draculosers, under very special circumstances, for a young vampire to receive his full powers before he is 16.
For this to happen, he must drink the blood of a Transylvanian bat on his 13th birthday.
Vladdy, it's your 13th birthday today! It is? What an amazing co-incidence.
We shall have the ceremony tonight! I don't believe this.
This is so unfair! This morning you woke in a bed, a naive and simple boy.
Tonight, you will lie in a coffin, an evil and bloodthirsty vampire! (Krone cackles) I didn't even get to say goodbye to Robin and Chloe.
There's so much I still haven't done.
I've never ridden a bicycle.
I've never played rugby or gone camping.
I'll never even own a mobile phone.
Oh, what hope is there, Zoltan? Zoltan? (Bell rings) Zoltan? Zoltan! Zoltan, wake up! Can you hear me? Oh - Where am I? - What happened? I'm afraid my memory seems a little clouded.
Sorry to inconvenience you, Master Vlad.
Well, you're all right.
That's all that matters.
So, have I missed anything? The way I see it, Master Vlad, you have three choices.
Right.
One, you drink the blood and become a full vampire.
- Two, you run away.
- Not appealing.
Three Actually, I'm still working on three.
Great.
So that's it, then? I'm afraid so, young Master.
You're doomed.
Thanks for the help, Zoltan.
- Done for.
- I get the picture.
Condemned.
Lost.
Ruined! (His voice is muffled) Son, it's time.
Unleash the WolfCam! Hnh? Nnnnh! Look, it's working! It's alive.
It's alive! All right, calm down.
You're not Frankenstein.
Nnh! Nnh! (Door closes) Come to measure me for my coffin? No, but good thinking.
We can do that later.
- Can't wait.
- Neither can I! This will bring us so much closer.
We can go out flying and hunting and terrorising together.
- Father and son! - No! I'm not you, Dad.
I never will be.
But you will be a vampire.
There's no escaping that.
At least let me have three more years.
No, it's time you grew up and accepted some responsibility! It won't be as bad as you think.
Oh, really.
I'm running away.
It'll buy me a couple more years.
But you'll fly and get your own fangs! Haven't you been listening? It's not going to happen.
I'm leaving, unless you've got a better idea.
I pretend to be you, drink the blood and become a vampire? Then, everyone's happy.
Like you did such a good job last time.
Granny nearly turned Chloe's fake bite into a real one.
It was pretty realistic, though, wasn't it? Shame you can't switch the fake blood with the bat blood.
That'd solve all your problems.
What? Dad, about this initiation Oh, Ingrid, I don't have time for arguments.
-1 think it's a brilliant idea.
-Why? Vlad's growing up.
He can't stay young forever.
Exactly.
Now go away.
I think it's great how you don't mind robbing him of his childhood.
You're so impressively evil.
Aren't I just? As long as you don't mind breaking your favourite child's heart, then I guess that's OK.
You don't mind, do you? No.
No, of course not.
Good.
I'll see you at the ceremony, then.
(Organ music plays) And so, my precious son, while I know this is a big step for you, and maybe not exactly what you want Are you kidding? I can't wait! - Bring it on! - Really? Right.
Good.
Well, as I was saying, I just know you're going to make a great vampire, even if you're not quite ready.
Ready? I've been ready for years! Have you? Oh, splendid! What an eloquent speech, Count.
I'm glad we're all in agreement at last.
Let's get on with it.
Vladdy, come and help me light some candles.
I know you're putting on a brave face because you want to make me proud.
- I am? - But let's face it.
You'd make a hopeless vampire.
Learning from the master, you should be ready in a year or so.
But until then, I've cunningly switched the vial for a bottle of fake blood! You did? For me? - Wait, you did what?! - I switched the I switched the blood! Where did you find the fake blood? In that drawer there.
I thought you'd be pleased.
I switched them! I switched them, too.
Well, done, boy.
Crafty and deceitful like your old man.
You've put the real blood back.
Ah Curses! We've not seen anything interesting.
Give it here.
No, this job calls for a steady hand and a quick mind.
- Exactly.
Give me the - Get off! - Give me - Off! Ooh! Puh! Brrrrrr.
We've been dawdling long enough.
Let's get on with it! I'm not ready! I need the loo.
Atilla - the vial.
Ordog pokol stregoica vlkoslak! (Thunder) Which means? Bottoms up! Now, drink.
Not so fast! Everybody get back.
Oi! That's my sunlamp.
Have you been in my room? Not now, puss-face! I'm saving your life.
I'm not letting my baby brother get his powers first.
She's bluffing.
She wouldn't dare.
Oh, wouldn't I? I'm sick of always coming second.
"Ingrid do this, Ingrid do that.
" "Ingrid can't because she's a girl.
" Guess what? Ingrid's had enough.
- Now give me the blood.
- That won't hurt me! No.
But this will.
Nothing can stop me now! Give me that! - Ha-ha! - He-e-elp! No! No! Give me that! I was wrong, Dad.
There are freaks living in this town.
Us.
You should be ashamed of yourselves.
All of you! When the Grand High Vampire hears about this Oh, enough about the Grand High Vampire! I am sick of hearing about him! Really? Well, perhaps I should tell him that.
Perhaps I should tell him about your precious daughter running off with a What was it now, Ingrid? I think it was a werewolf, wasn't it? A werewolf! Isn't that forbidden? What would the Council say about that? Could be very embarrassing.
A respected Council member involved in a scandal.
You wouldn't do a nasty thing like that to your poor old grandparents, would you? Er, yes, they would.
Because they're Draculas, and we are not afraid of anyone.
Now flap off back to Transylvania, you old bats.
Don't think you've heard the last from Do you want to call Pronto-Post or shall I? (Organ jingle) Sorry.
Vladimir! Get down here this instant.
You're in big trouble! What now? Surprise! - Is this more what you had in mind? - This is perfect! Thanks.
Ho! - What's in this cake, Renfield? - Well, there was no sugar.
-So? - So I used pepper.
Aaaah Aaaah Aaachooo! Happy birthday, Vlad! Yay, woo! Go, Vlad!