A Tale Dark & Grimm (2021) s01e09 Episode Script

1
[clunking, whirring]
[whoosh]
[pleasant fairy-tale music plays]
[William] Once upon a time,
fairy tales were awesome.
We know, you don't believe us.
You think fairy tales are cute
and pink and full of fairies.
[chitters]
-[whacks]
-Well, they're not.
-Real fairy tales are scary.
-[thuds]
-[adventurous music plays]
-[cawing]
Follow two children
as they venture off into a dark tale.
-A scary tale.
-[barking]
-A strange tale.
-[howls]
[roars]
-[shrieks]
-A… Wait a minute.
Are you even old enough for this?
-[thudding]
-You really think you can handle it?
[demons chuckling]
-[music rising]
-[sizzles, bubbles]
-[pleasant music plays]
-[Dotty] Mmm!
-Psst!
-[Dotty] Mm-mmm!
-Dotty!
-Mmm?
-Psst! Dotty!
-[gulps]
-What are you doing?
-Check it out!
There is so much free food
around this place. [munches]
If you don't be quiet,
-we'll be the free food!
-Ahem.
-[whispers] Once upon a time--
-Hey, this is all happening now.
-[Dotty munching]
-Uh, once upon a right now, over there,
a brother and sister
-are trying to come up with a plan.
-[Dotty munches loudly] Mmm!
[smacking lips] Mmm! Mmm.
Dotty, we must not interfere in any way,
or we will be ravens forever!
[gulps] Yeah, ravens forever!
-[both shushing]
-[muffled grunt]
-[both] Huh?
-[wings fluttering]
This is perfect.
It's like everything that's happened
to us since we left home
was just to prepare us for this plan.
It all makes sense.
We had to suffer
so the kingdom could be saved.
[door opens]
How's it coming along?
[Gretel] We know how to defeat the dragon.
Oh? Uh, let's see this plan of yours.
To fight a dragon, you need an army.
Luckily, we've made a lot of friends
out there, friends who wanna help.
Also, we have
a lot of experience with monsters.
[whispers] She means you guys.
-[both gasp, sigh] Oh…
-[dramatic sting]
Anyway, we've sent out word.
Our friends are on their way.
-[creaks]
-[heroic music playing]
[music fades]
From up here, we'll see them coming.
Are you sure they'll come?
They'll show up.
You'll see.
Any minute now.
-Any… minute… now.
-[tense, gloomy music plays]
We want you to know
that even if no one shows up,
we're very proud of you both.
Where are they?
They'll be here.
They will.
We don't want you to be too disappointed.
No one blames you!
Raising an army is more
than anyone could expect you to do.
After all, you're only children!
-[music rises]
-[growls]
-[music fades]
-They should be here.
[gasps]
[footsteps approaching]
Hi, Hansel!
-Oh, hey, little Sparrow brother!
-[hopeful music plays]
Is that it?
-[sighs] It was sweet that they tried.
-[Mr. Bauer] Hello.
We're here for the war.
Is this the right place?
It looks like
you're the only ones, Mr. Bauer.
We're so sorry
to have made you come all this way!
[whistles]
-[music rising]
-[indistinct chatter]
[hopeful music continues]
Hey, birdy brothers!
-[horse neighs]
-Look!
[giggles] Thank you. Thank you.
-No need to cheer.
-Hansel!
Haven't seen you since the day I sank
my dagger deep into your hairy flesh!
Glad to see you're well.
[both gasp]
He did what?!
-What happened?
-[Hansel] Eh.
I turned into a beast.
It was a whole thing.
-[hopeful music continues]
-[gasps]
You're all here!
Katherine! Susanna! Ingrid! Constance!
Theodelinda! Edna! Lilith! Marianne!
-[Fischer] Gretel!
-Widow Fischer!
Boil anyone in oil with snakes recently?
-[both gasp]
-Never without you, Widow Fischer!
Boil?
It was a warlock
who tried to steal my soul. No biggie.
-[music rises]
-[indistinct chatter]
You're going to fight a dragon
with these people?
-[man] Hey!
-You need a real army!
This is a real army!
These people have heart.
-[music continues]
-These are the people of Grimm.
Well, I, uh…
-I stand corrected, I guess.
-[music intensifies]
[music fades]
[clears throat] People of--
People of Grimm,
my brother and I have dealt with monsters.
-She means--
-We get it.
Thanks.
We have suffered,
-and you have all suffered, too.
-Mmm…
[Gretel] And now it is time for you,
-all of you, to find your strength!
-[cheering]
-[man 1] Yeah, hooray!
-[man 2] For Grimm!
So we ask you all,
who's ready to kill a dragon?
[cheering]
-[woman] Whoo!
-[man] All right!
[cheering and applause continues]
-[determined music plays]
-[both grunting]
Hey there, little swallow.
Ta-da!
-[chuckles]
-Mr. Draggy!
[imitates roar, grunting]
[laughs]
-[imitates growls]
-[Gretel giggles]
[laughs]
[giggles]
[silverware whistling]
[twangs]
Fine work, Shillingworth.
Nicely done, indeed!
Lord Meister, good of you to come.
-[horse nickers]
-[hesitantly] Yes… Well, I--
Jehorsephat, you're looking well.
I see you're with Shillingworth now.
-I hope you're very happy together.
-[nickers]
-[yelps]
-[Mr. Bauer chuckles]
May the great turnip spirit guide my aim.
[heroic music playing]
[whooshing, thunking]
Whoa!
[gasps]
[chuckling happily] Hoo!
[children cheering]
[grunting]
Whoa! [exhales]
-[yelps] Oh!
-Oh! [chuckles, snivels]
Whoa! Whoa!
Hey!
Oh…
[romantic music plays]
I'm a widow! Not married.
Not anymore because he's dead.
I think something is happening here.
Something beautiful.
[kisses]
[giggles]
And gross.
[heroic music plays]
[both yell]
[grunts]
[both grunt]
-[grunts]
-Ha ha!
[creaking]
[clatters]
-[music swells]
-[man] Yeah!
[people cheering]
[cheering continues]
[people marching]
[Hansel] Once the army is prepared,
we'll lure the dragon into a trap
with the golden apples.
Because dragons can't resist gold.
And when he comes to get it,
we'll be ready for him!
Wait, you mean the army
will be ready for him, right?
And you two will be supervising
from a great distance!
-[tense music plays]
-Right?
No!
-[heroic music plays]
-We will be there, leading the army.
Uh, did you think
we'd send them out to fight a battle
we wouldn't fight ourselves?
Yes, that's one of the perks
of being a royal,
getting other people to fight for you.
Well, we don't need anyone
to fight our battles!
-Ready?
-Let's do it!
Adventure!
-[both] For the kingdom of Grimm!
-[epic music plays]
[sniffling]
-[music continues]
-[crows cawing]
[music fades]
So here we are,
and they're really doing it!
Hansel and Gretel
are leading an army to kill the dragon!
Oh, maybe we could help them.
Like, like, we could be lookouts.
Jacob, if we interfere,
we will never break the curse!
Oh, right.
Am I the only one rooting for the dragon?
[crickets chirping]
Yup, just me.
Well, that stinks.
I made "Go Dragon" tunics for us!
What? He has a nice smile!
[groans] Betty,
I told you to wait at the castle!
-[nickers]
-Well, at least we have snacks.
[Gretel] Bad idea!
You know how sleepy
too much chocolate cake makes us.
Hey, do you think
that will work on the dragon?
Did I say bad idea? I meant good idea!
[mysterious music plays]
Is everybody ready?
[whimsical music plays]
This has to work.
If we can stop the dragon, then everything
that's happened to us since we left home,
this whole dark, grim,
crazy mess, meant something.
All right, everyone,
keep watching the skies.
When the dragon lands near the bait,
we'll have him surrounded.
Then we attack him all at once!
We'll get that dragon for sure.
[children] Yeah!
Yes, with cake and apples,
and two children giving us
half a day of semi-focused training!
-How could we lose?
-[laughing]
[dramatic sting]
Yes, Hansel and Gretel are great leaders.
Three cheers for Hansel and Gretel.
-[tense music plays]
-Hip, hip… hip?
Shh! We're supposed to be hiding.
-[softly] Hooray!
-[all] Shh!
Once upon a time,
I was scared out of my mind!
Can we stick to the story?
A brother and a sister
are about to fight a dragon!
-Are you wearing lipstick?
-No!
-A little.
-[distant thud]
-[thud]
-[gasps]
-[thudding footsteps approaching]
-[rattling]
-[thuds continue]
-[rattles]
-[gasps]
-[sinister music rising]
[footsteps boom loudly]
-[music rising]
-[footsteps continue]
-The dragon!
-[screams]
-[roars]
-[fire whooshes]
-[people screaming]
-[Hansel] It came on foot?
-Dragons don't do that! They have wings!
-[people whimper]
Specifically so
they don't have to walk to places!
-[sinister music continues]
-[roars]
[arrows thudding lightly]
[screaming]
-[snarls]
-[men grunt]
-[screams]
-[roars]
[grunts]
[screams]
-[snarls]
-[screams]
Turns out he's a jerk! I'm so glad
I found out before we started dating.
-[dragon snarls]
-I was right.
-I told you--
-[chomps]
Don't look at that! It's horrible.
[all yelling]
Hey, William,
it's time for artists' renderings!
-[clangs]
-[snarls]
[stammers] And so,
the dragon wreaks havoc upon the army!
They were helpless
against his savage might!
-Oh, that's very good.
-Oh, thank you!
I can only draw cats.
[shrieking roar]
[crows scream]
[both] For the kingdom of Grimm!
-[dragon snarls]
-[all yelling]
-[fire whooshes]
-[all shouting indistinctly]
[dramatic music playing]
[dragon snarls]
-[inhales, snarls]
-[fire hisses]
[snarls]
[cheering]
So proud.
-[grunts]
-[marker squeaks]
[grunts]
[child whimpers]
[dragon shrieks]
[screams]
-Ah!
-[dragon snarls]
Why don't you pick on someone
your own smell?
-[heroic music playing]
-Ha ha! Whee!
[dragon snarls]
[grunts]
[grunting]
-[snarls]
-[silverware jingles]
[jingles]
[snarls]
-[tail whooshes]
-[grunts]
[snarls]
Oh, my little Shilly!
[groans]
I'm a widow!
-And you're remarkable.
-[romantic music plays]
Watch this fishy whack you in the head!
[yells battle cry]
Meanwhile…
-[birds chirping]
-[idyllic flute music plays]
[William] It's mayhem! Wanton destruction!
-[screams]
-[sinister music plays]
-[snarls]
-[grunts]
[sword clatters]
[grunts, groans]
-Don't look!
-[agonized groan]
-[Dotty] Can I look?
-Whoa!
-[sobbing loudly]
-Ooh! That's the good stuff!
Look! Gretel's doing something hero-ey!
-[heroic music plays]
-[yells]
[growls]
[inhales]
[yells]
[Dotty] I can't look!
Wait, yes, I can.
I'm looking! Look at me looking!
[Gretel yells]
[grunts]
-[dragon snarls]
-[gasps]
-[whimpers, yelps]
-[snarls]
-[grunts]
-[dramatic music playing]
[whimpers]
-[growling]
-[whimpers]
[gasps]
[grunts, howling]
[growling]
[Hansel continues howling]
[barking, growling]
[roars]
[Hansel] I command thee…
-Fetch!
-[barking]
-[thuds lightly]
-[barking, growling]
[snarls, groans]
[sniffles] Good boys, they're good boys.
[barking]
[wolf yelps]
-[dragon snarls]
-[growls, barks]
[whines]
-[leaves rustling]
-[gasps]
[fire whooshing]
-[screams]
-[whimpers]
-[fire whooshes]
-Oh, the humanity.
-[people screaming]
-[groans]
I have seen a lot of nasty stuff
in my life, and that was most of it.
I wanted to go to art school.
But my dad said,
"No, Jacob, get a degree in deckhanding."
"Lots of job security in deckhanding!"
But Daddy didn't know about the Devil!
Did you, Daddy?
-[dragon roars]
-[woman screams]
[whimpers, gasps]
[suspenseful music playing]
-[snarls]
-[man screams]
[Hansel] Hey!
[roars]
-[dramatic music plays]
-[man yelps]
[clinking]
Try to hit him in the teeth!
-[dragon roars]
-[yells]
[grunts]
[suspenseful music playing]
-[growls happily]
-[man groans]
Cake.
-[eerie music plays]
-[munches]
[growling]
[music fades]
Mmm. [munches]
Totally worth it.
-[chomps]
-[sinister music plays]
[growls]
[chomping]
-Hansel, he's eating the cakes!
-[munches]
And that guy.
[chomps]
[growls happily]
It worked! It's making him tired!
So now we impale him
on a peppermint stick?
-No!
-Right, that was that other thing.
Now we lead the army to attack him
while he's at his weakest.
Everyone, get ready to--
-[all groaning]
-[tense music plays]
-[grunts]
-[men coughing]
[coughing and groaning continues]
[Gretel] Oh…
-I guess it's just us.
-[gentle music plays]
Can we do this?
-Only we can do this.
-[hopeful music plays]
Hey.
I don't suppose
you can become a beast again.
I never really stopped being one.
-[dramatic music plays]
-[howling roar]
[howling]
[yells]
[grunting]
-[yells]
-[gasps]
-[yells]
-[thunks]
[music swells]
[crashes]
[music fades]
-[both] Yeah!
-[triumphant music plays]
Whoo!
[roars angrily]
Aw, boo hoo!
[fire whooshing]
[roaring sadly]
[snarls]
[creaking]
-[pants, grunts]
-[exciting music plays]
-[grunts, yells]
-[dragon roars sadly]
[snarls]
-[explodes]
-[shrieks]
Ah!
[continues shrieking]
[Gretel] Dragon!
-Come and get me!
-[heroic music plays]
-[clanks]
-[growls]
-[roars]
-[suspenseful music plays]
My sword!
-[tense music plays]
-[crackling]
Gretel, no!
[ominous music plays]
But it's-- it's gonna kill Gretel!
We have to help her!
-We can't! It's forbidden!
-[dragon snarls]
-Hey! Hey, you! Forget her!
-[heroic music plays]
I have your toe!
[splats]
-[tense music plays]
-[chuckles nervously]
[roars]
-[pants, grunts]
-[adventurous music playing]
[yelps]
-Hmm.
-My Lord, no!
You can't fight the dragon alone!
-[fire whooshing]
-[yelping]
[fire crackling]
-I must do what's right!
-[dragon snarls]
-It's a rule!
-[horse neighs]
[heroic music playing]
[growls]
-[whimpers]
-[growling]
[yells shrill, strangled battle cry]
[roars]
[snarls]
-[growling]
-[whimpers]
-[Meister yelling shrilly]
-[chomps]
-[suspenseful music plays]
-No!
[spits]
-[splats]
-[mournful music plays]
[nickers]
[sobs, sniffles]
-[sobs]
-[Hansel] Dragon!
-[epic music plays]
-[growling]
[gasps]
[growls]
[gasps]
-The moon!
-[sinister music plays]
[panting]
[skids]
You stay away from that nice girl!
-[snarls, shrieks]
-[chain rattles]
-[dragon snarls]
-[grunting]
[children cheering] Yeah!
-Alley-oop! [grunting]
-[triumphant music plays]
[shrieks]
[groans softly]
[suspenseful music playing]
-[chain rattling]
-Ha-ha!
Now, you can't get away from-- Gah!
-[sinister music plays]
-…me.
[chain rattling]
-It was worth a try!
-[music fades]
[thuds]
-[Gretel grunting]
-[snarls]
-[music continues]
-Thank you.
-All I gotta do is lead it to the moon.
-[suspenseful music plays]
[children screaming]
[Gretel grunts]
[snarls]
[crows screaming in panic]
[Dotty] You're gonna be lunch!
-[suspenseful music continues]
-[claws scraping shrilly]
[all screaming in panic]
-[dragon snarls]
-[William] It's the moon!
She's going for the moon!
She's not gonna make it!
-[panting]
-[dragon snarling]
-[Jacob] Oh, oh, oh…
-To heck with it!
[William shrieks]
-[grunts]
-[chomps]
-[Gretel grunts]
-[dragon shrieks]
What was that?
You can thank me later, just climb!
[hopeful music playing]
-[grunting]
-[suspenseful music plays]
[Jacob] But-- What--
What about not interfering?
I couldn't let her die!
Ravens forever! Whoo!
[Gretel grunting]
-Come on!
-[dragon snarls]
[crows cawing]
-[whacks]
-[screams]
-[ominous music plays]
-[grunts, whimpers]
Help!
-[heroic music plays]
-I got you! I got-- Ooh!
[music stops]
-[crows cawing]
-[whimpers]
[ominous music playing]
[gasps] Gretel!
-[suspenseful music plays]
-[screams]
-[crows cawing]
-[heroic music plays]
-[grunts, screams]
-[dramatic music plays]
[Gretel grunts]
[crows cawing]
[adventurous music playing]
[grunts]
[grunts]
[grunting]
[dragon shrieks]
[gasps]
[straining] Come on! Come on!
Come on over here, you little yum-yum.
-Not this little yum-yum.
-[epic music rising]
She can do it!
-[chomps]
-[snarls]
[dragon groans]
[dragon whimpers]
-[snarling]
-[Gretel whimpering]
-[screams]
-Gretel!
[plummeting notes play]
-All together!
-[exciting music plays]
[screams]
-[Jacob] Whoa, God. [grunts]
-[crows straining]
[William] Keep going!
[William strains]
-[Dotty yelps]
-Whoa!
[grunts]
[Gretel grunts]
[grunting]
Go limp! Go limp! Go limp!
[grunting]
-[thuds]
-[grunts]
-Oops.
-[dragon growls]
-[shrieks]
-[ominous music plays]
[music fades]
-Oh, right. Gretel!
-[gentle music plays]
Gretel, are you okay?
[sniffling]
[weakly] When the darkness opens wide ♪
[breath shudders]
Swallowing up… ♪
[sniffles]
The sun inside ♪
[sniffles]
-Dappled stars, they prick the sky ♪
-[gasps]
Blanket on which the moon will lie… ♪
-[gasps] Gretel!
-Hansel!
[joyful music plays]
You're alive!
So are you!
Is the dragon…
It's gone.
It flew away after the moon bit its face!
-Jacob, hush!
-What?
I mean, we might as well talk to them now.
What's gonna happen?
We'll get more cursed?
Uh, you can always get more cursed.
My uncle pooped on a witch,
and now he's a shriveled mushroom.
Who are you guys?
It's a long story,
longer than we expected, in fact.
They just saved my life.
Twice, I think.
Thank you for saving my sister.
Can I offer you, um, I don't know, corn?
What? The very idea that we would
accept payment for a good deed!
-Outrageous!
-[comedic sting]
[wind gusting]
Do you have any corn, though?
Actually, no.
[Gretel] Hansel…
-[gloomy music plays]
-[people groaning]
Welp, looks like
the buffet is finally open!
-[clinks]
-[comedic sting]
Come along, Dotty.
Let's let these kids grieve their loss.
Okay, just this, then!
[wings flap]
-[people groaning]
-[gloomy music plays]
This looks more like hell than hell did.
Hansel, what have we done?
We… lost.
We swore we'd protect these people.
We convinced them to fight,
and they died.
[gasps]
One, two, three… [sighs]
They are only six.
Why are there only six?!
Mr. Draggy!
[sighs in relief] Okay, okay.
[sighs in relief]
[shudders]
-[chains rattle]
-[sobs]
Why did we think we could lead an army?
We ruined everything!
I can't believe it ended like this.
[Jacob] This can't be the end.
I mean, it can't be!
It'll get better, right?
Won't it get better?!
I don't know.
[gloomy music plays]
[music rises]
[music fades]
[closing theme music plays]
[music fades]