Aaahh!!! Real Monsters (1994) s01e09 Episode Script

[bell tolling]
[thunder booming]
[sinister music]
[door creaks]
[thunder booming]
[owl hooting]
- [yelps]
[all gasp]
- [yells]
[baby crying]
- [growls]
- [screams]
[all screaming]
[crowd cheering]
- [gasps]
- [laughs]
- THAT TEARS IT!
[thunder booming]
[record scratches]
- [chuckles]
[mouse squeaks]
- [grunting]
[all cheering]
- HEY, HEY,
YO, HO, HO, HO!
TA-DA!
HA, HA.
BLEAGH!
- THAT GLUDGE IS AWESOME.
- YES, HE IS
AWESOME.
- WHAT IS SO GREA
ABOUT GLUDGE, HUH?
YOU'’D THINK NOBODY EVER SCARED
AN OLYMPIC WEIGHT LIFTING TEAM
BEFORE.
[bell ringing]
crowd:
OOH! OOH! OOH! OOH!
OOH! OOH! OOH! OOH!
- HEY, HUH, OHH!
crowd: YAY!
[buzzer blares]
[whistle screams]
[crowd cheering]
- IS HE NOT PERFECTLY HIDEOUS?
- HE'’S PERFECTLY SOMETHING.
- WHY DON'’T YOU GO OVER TO HIM?
- HE'’S SURROUNDED.
HE'’LL NEVER NOTICE ME.
- OH, OH, OH.
TAKE AWAY HIS POPULARITY,
HIS LOOKS,
HIS GREAT SCARING TECHNIQUE,
AND WHAT DO YOU HAVE, HMM?
- YOU.
- YOU'’RE NOT AFRAID
TO TALK TO ICKIS.
- [sighs]
OH, YOU'’RE RIGHT.
I'’M GOING OVER THERE.
WHY SHOULD I BE NERVOUS?
AFTER ALL,
GLUDGE IS A MONSTER
JUST LIKE ANY OTHER MONSTER.
[indistinct chatter]
MOVE.
- [sniffs]
HERE.
FOR YOU.
- OH, I'’M SURE I COULDN'’T.
- OF COURSE YOU COULD.
- [sniffs]
[sighs]
DID YOU SEE THAT?
HE LIKES ME!
- OH, ONE MOLDY TOWEL,
AND YOU'’RE ALL SWOONY.
AREN'’T YOU GETTING
A LITTLE AHEAD OF YOURSELF HERE?
- TODAY A TOWEL,
TOMORROW
A TOWEL RACK.
[all yawning]
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
GLUDGE FINALLY NOTICES ME,
AND I HAVE TO GET BRACES
TOMORROW.
- YOU SHOULD'’VE NEVER BRUSHED
YOUR TEETH 30 YEARS AGO.
- YEAH, AND YOU FLOSS TOO.
- JUST ONCE!
TO SEE WHAT IT FELT LIKE.
- WELL, YOU'’RE PAYING
FOR IT NOW, AREN'’T YOU?
SEE?
THEY'’RE SPARKLING.
SO STRAIGHT.
- YOU'’RE RIGHT.
[sobbing]
- [snoring]
- [sniffs]
GOOD NIGHT,
YOU RANCID LITTLE CHARMER.
[metal rattling]
- BEAUTIFUL SCREAMER
[humming]
- DO YOU REALLY THINK BRACES
ARE NECESSARY?
COULDN'’T WE TRY SOMETHING
A LITTLE LESS SEVERE?
- YOU WANT A SMILE THAT BEAMS
OR ONE THAT'’S TRULY REPULSIVE?
- WELL--
- THIS WON'’T HURT A BIT.
I LOVE SAYING THAT.
[metal clanging,
drills whirring]
[welding torch crackling]
SO, OBLINA,
HOW DO YOU LIKE SCHOOL?
- [mumbling]
- UH-HUH.
AH, AND THE GROMBLE,
HOW IS THAT OLD CODGER DOING?
- [mumbling]
- OF COURSE HE IS.
JUST A FEW MORE MINUTES,
AND I'’LL BE ALL DONE.
- [screams]
- TA-DA!
AH,
AND TO THINK THEY SAID
I'’D NEVER MAKE I
THROUGH DENTAL SCHOOL.
- YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS!
I CANNOT TALK.
I CANNOT SEE.
I LOOK STUPID.
- YOU LOOK FABULOUS.
- I LOOK RIDICULOUS.
- TRUE.
BUT IN TWO WEEKS,
YOU'’LL LOOK FABULOUS.
- TWO WEEKS?
TWO WEEKS!
I WANT THEM OFF NOW!
- NO CAN DO.
[clock ticking]
- IT'’S SO SHINY.
- AND BIG--
VERY, VERY BIG.
- IT'’S JUST AWFUL,
ISN'’T IT?
- I LIKE IT.
- AWFUL? NO.
I WOULDN'’T CALL IT AWFUL.
BUT IT DEFINITELY
MAKES A STATEMENT.
- [sniffles]
REALLY?
- OH, SURE, SURE.
IT SAYS, UM--
IT SAYS,
"THIS IS A MONSTER
WHO'’S GONNA HAVE
THE MOST CROOKED TEETH AROUND."
EVENTUALLY.
- I HATE THEM!
I LOOK LIKE
A HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCE.
- I LIKE APPLIANCES.
- OH, OBLINA,
IT'’S JUST YOUR TEETH.
I THINK YOU'’RE GRIPING
ENTIRELY TOO MUCH HERE.
- I DO NOT NEED A LECTURE!
I NEED HELP!
[screams]
[yelps]
[muffled]
HOW DO THEY LOOK NOW?
- OH, OH, OH.
[chuckles]
NO ONE WILL EVER NOTICE.
[laughter]
[metal creaking]
- [chuckles]
ALL RIGHT, DON'’T I KNOW YOU?
- I'’M
OBLINA.
- WOW.
YOU LOOK REALLY PUTRID.
- THANK YOU.
- HMM,
YOU'’RE PROBABLY BUSY,
A LOATHSOME LITTLE PACKAGE
LIKE YOU,
BUT HEY,
IF YOU'’RE NO
DOING ANYTHING TONIGHT,
MAYBE YOU'’D LIKE TO--
- I'’D LOVE TO!
- GREAT.
I THINK WE COULD HAVE SOME FUN.
- I LOVE FUN!
- IT'’LL BE MAGIC.
- I LOVE MAGIC!
- I'’LL PICK YOU UP LATER.
- OH, I LOVE LATER.
SEE YOU THEN, GLUDGE.
TOODY-LOO.
- OH, OH,
AND, OBLINA
- YES, GLUDGE?
- PLEASE BE SURE
TO GIVE THOSE BRACES
A GOOD POLISH.
- [laughing]
OH!
- THAT ONE.
TRUST ME.
I KNOW THESE THINGS.
- OOH!
[laughs]
[squeals]
- OH, WHY DOES HE HAVE
TO COME IN HERE?
WHY? WHY? WHY?
I HATE THAT HE'’S COMING IN HERE.
HE'’LL STRUT AROUND,
FLEX HIS MUSCLES.
IT'’S A SMALL ROOM.
- TONIGHT I SHALL SHOW GLUDGEY
THE SCARE OF HIS LIFE.
- YOU'’RE TAKING HIM SCARING?
- WHY NOT?
I WANT TO MAKE AN IMPRESSION.
[knock at door]
[groaning]
[sighs]
shing!
- OOH, LOOKING SHARP.
- THANK YOU.
- DO YOU MIND
IF I WALK BACKWARDS?
WELL, YOU SEE, THIS WAY,
I CAN LOOK AT YOU ALL NIGHT.
- I LOVE ALL NIGHT.
- AH, THIS STINKS
LIKE A NICE SPOT.
WHAT DO YOU SAY
WE PLANT OURSELVES,
BREAK OPEN A FEW HEFTY BAGS,
AND YOU COULD TELL ME
WHAT YOU REALLY THINK ABOUT ME?
[grunts]
[burps]
- SOUNDS LOVELY, GLUDGEY,
BUT I THOUGHT WE COULD
SPEND THE NIGHT SCARING.
- SCARING?
[laughs]
WHY?
- OH, I DON'’T KNOW.
YOU, ME,
A FEW HUMANS
SCREAMING IN THE NIGHT--
DOESN'’T THAT SOUND MARVELOUS?
- SURE, IT DOES.
BUT HEY,
WHAT'’S WRONG WITH STAYING HERE?
THERE'’S PLENTY TO EAT AND--
- AND THERE'’S NOTHING
LIKE A GOOD SCARE.
- WHY DON'’T WE
GO DOWN TO THE PITS
AND WATCH THE TAR BUBBLES POP?
- COME ON!
WE'’RE GOING SCARING.
HOW ABOUT IF I HIDE
IN ONE OF THOSE MACHINES,
YOU CLIMB UP THERE
AND WAIT FOR MY SIGNAL?
- BETTER YET,
YOU SCARE '’EM, AND I'’LL WATCH.
- YOU DON'’T WANT TO DO THIS?
- I TOLD YOU
I'’M JUST NOT INTO IT TONIGHT.
- OH, WELL,
IF YOU REALLY DON'’T WANT TO.
IT'’S--IT'’S ME, ISN'’T IT?
[crying]
- HEY, HEY,
DO YOU HAVE TO DO THAT?
- [crying]
- LOOK, GENERALLY,
IT WOULD BE YOU.
BUT IN THIS CASE, IT'’S--
IT'’S--
[sobbing]
IT'’S ME.
- YOU?
BUT YOU ARE THE BEST.
EVERYONE STILL TALKS
ABOUT HOW YOU TERRORIZED
THOSE WEIGHT LIFTERS.
- OH,
THAT WAS JUST A LUCKY SCARE.
- YOU JUST STOPPED TRYING.
THAT'’S ALL.
- WHY SHOULD I TRY WHEN I KNOW
I CAN NEVER TOP MYSELF?
[sniffles]
IF ONLY I WEREN'’T SO FABULOUS,
OOH,
I COULD BE EVEN MORE FABULOUS.
- IT IS NOT ABOUT THAT.
TURNING A HUMAN
INTO A MASS OF QUAKING JELLY
IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN.
- [sniffles]
WHAT IF I MESS IT UP?
- THEN YOU TRY AGAIN!
YOU DON'’T HAVE TO BE PERFECT.
[roars]
- [babbling]
- [screams]
- [howls]
[laughs]
[door slams]
- WHAT IS GOING ON?
- I HAD THE GREATEST TIME--
JUST GREAT!
GLUDGE WAS GREAT,
AND I WAS GREAT,
AND WE WERE GREAT!
- GREAT.
WHAT DOES A GUY HAVE TO DO
TO GET SOME SLEEP AROUND HERE?
- GUESS WHY HE'’S SO GREAT.
GUESS.
CAN'’T YOU GUESS?
NEVER MIND.
I'’LL TELL YOU!
- I'’M OUT OF HERE.
- DITTO.
- FINE!
THEN I'’LL JUST TELL YOU.
FIRST, HE'’S ABSOLUTELY HIDEOUS.
SECOND, HE'’S--
OH, YOU'’RE DEAD.
[chuckles]
WELL,
I WON'’T HOLD THAT AGAINST YOU.
SECOND, HE'’S ENTIRELY GROSS.
THIRD, HE'’S STINKY.
DOO, DOO, DOO,
NUH, NUH, NUH ♪
[knock at door]
SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?
- WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR BRACES?
- I JUST GOT THEM OFF!
ARE MY TEETH GROTESQUE?
- WELL, YEAH.
UH
AMBLINA--
- OBLINA.
- WHATEVER.
UM, SOME--SOMETHING--
SOMETHING CAME UP.
SO I'’M NOT TAKING YOU
TO THE PARTY.
YOU KNOW,
SOMETHING KIND OF IMPORTANT,
SO I GUESS, UH,
I'’LL BE SEEING YOU.
- WHAT?
- NOW,
THAT'’S WHAT I CALL A VISION.
[laughs]
- [sniffles]
HE'’S GONE.
- DON'’T LET IT GET YOU DOWN.
- YEAH, HE'’S A BUM.
- [sniffles]
OH,
HE ONLY LIKED ME FOR MY
BRACES.
- OH, WELL, WHAT DID YOU EXPECT,
A SHALLOW GUY LIKE THAT?
HE NEVER SAW
THE REAL OBLINA.
NO, NO, NO.
THAT PUTRID MASS OF CORRUPTION
THAT IS JUST UNIQUELY YOU.
- [gasps]
YOU THINK SO?
- ABSOLUTELY.
- WHATEVER HE SAID.
- OH, THANK YOU, GUYS.
IT IS REALLY GREA
HAVING FRIENDS LIKE YOU.
- LIKE HIM OR LIKE ME?
[glass shattering]
[rumbling]
- [gulping]
[water splashing]
[rumbling]
- [squeals]
[both shouting]
- OKAY.
UH, HARD RIGHT.
HARD RIGHT.
KEEP GOING.
KEEP GOING.
[gasps]
[both yelling]
I DON'’T KNOW HOW YOU DO IT.
AREN'’T YOU SCARED?
- NAH, I KNOW THIS COURSE
LIKE THE HAIR ON MY PITS.
[dissonant guitar strum]
- OH, YOU ARE GONNA BE
THE CHAMP.
I CAN FEEL IT!
WHEN THE GREAT WAVE ARRIVES,
THE OTHERS ARE JUST GONNA
EAT YOUR CRUST.
- WHAT ABOUT THE SNORCH?
- OH, IT'’S NOT FAIR.
THE SNORCH
SHOULDN'’T BE IN THE RACE.
- YOU'’RE GONNA TELL HIM THAT?
- NO.
OH, WHO CARES ABOUT THE SNORCH?
YOU ARE GONNA BE
AT THAT FINISH LINE
BEFORE HE CAN SCRAPE THE MOLD
OUT OF HIS BELLY BUTTON.
[laughs]
[winch creaking]
- VOILA.
COMPLETELY AND THOROUGHLY
DISGUSTING.
BON APPETIT.
- [snorting]
- SNORCHY-POODLES,
YOU MISSED A SPOT.
crack!
MARVELOUS.
NOW THAT YOUR ENGINE
IS STOKED,
LET'’S BEGIN YOUR EXERCISES.
- HMM, HMM, HMM, HMM, HMM.
- CLOSE YOUR EYES.
LET THE SLIME OOZE
FROM YOUR PORES.
- [snores]
- THAT'’S IT, MY FRIEND.
BECOME ONE
WITH YOUR SURROUNDINGS.
BATHE IN YOUR OWN REPUGNANCE.
NOW,
REPEAT AFTER ME.
I WILL BE CHAMPION.
- [groans]
- I AM READY FOR THE COMING
OF THE GREAT WAVE!
- [groans]
- ECCELLENTE.
I WILL CRUSH MY CHALLENGERS
LIKE FLOWERS IN SPRING.
- [groans]
- REMINDER:
IT'’S IMPORTAN
TO ALWAYS
KEEP YOUR
FOCUS!
- [screams]
[fly buzzing]
- [clearing throat]
DUE TO AN UNFORTUNATE ACCIDENT,
OUR REIGNING CHAMPION,
THE SNORCH,
WILL BE UNABLE TO COMPETE
IN THE ANNUAL RIDING
OF THE GREAT WAVE.
- [gasps]
STARTLING.
- YES!
SAY HELLO TO THE NEW CHAMPION.
- SILENCE!
NOW, WITH THE SNORCH
OUT OF THE COMPETITION,
I HAVE THE DELECTABLE
RESPONSIBILITY
OF CHOOSING A REPLACEMENT.
LET ME SEE.
WHO AMONG YOU
WOULD BENEFIT THE MOS
FROM A LITTLE COMPETITION?
- I WONDER
WHO HE'’S GOING TO PICK.
- AH, IT DOESN'’T MATTER.
WITH THE SNORCH GONE,
THERE'’S NO WAY I CAN LOSE.
- ARE YOU NOT BEING
A BIT PRESUMPTUOUS?
THE GROMBLE MAY VERY WELL CHOOSE
A SUPERB ATHLETE.
- OH, MAYBE YOU'’RE RIGHT.
- MM.
MM-HMM. MM-HMM. MM-HMM.
ICKIS!
- [gasps]
- YOU'’LL MAKE
A FINE REPLACEMENT.
- THEN AGAIN
[laughs]
[imitating crowd cheering]
OH, PLEASE, PLEASE,
NO MORE APPLAUSE. NO MORE.
FIRST, I WOULD TO THANK MY FANS
AND MY FELLOW COMPETITORS.
I CAN ONLY SAY
YOU NEVER HAD A CHANCE!
[imitating crowd cheering]
- OH, KRUMM,
YOU HAVE BEEN PRACTICING
THAT SPEECH FOR HOURS.
GO TO BED!
- YEAH!
SOME OF US
WOULD LIKE TO GET SOME SLEEP.
- BUT I'’M GONNA BE CHAMPION.
- HOW CAN YOU BE SURE
YOU ARE GOING TO WIN?
- WHO'’S GONNA BEAT ME?
[laughs]
- FIVE TOENAILS ON KRUMM.
- EIGHT WORMS AND A LEECH
ON KRUMM.
- 15 MAGGOTS ON ICKIS
TO LOSE.
- [sighs]
KRUMM THIS, KRUMM THAT--
I DO NOT SEE
WHAT THE BIG DEAL IS.
WHY DID THE GROMBLE
HAVE TO PICK ME?
- THAT IS NO
A VERY GOOD ATTITUDE.
- YEAH, WELL, BUT IT'’S TRUE.
I HAVEN'’T GOT A CHANCE.
- RIGHT NOW, YOU DO NOT.
BUT WITH A LITTLE TRAINING,
YOU COULD BE THE NEXT CHAMPION.
YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE THE ADVANTAGE
OVER EVERYONE ELSE.
THEY ALL EXPECT YOU TO LOSE,
RIGHT?
- YEAH. SO?
- SO IF YOU TRAIN HARD
AND HAVE A POSITIVE ATTITUDE,
YOU CAN TAKE THE OTHERS
BY COMPLETE SURPRISE.
- WELL, GEE, I NEVER
THOUGHT ABOUT IT LIKE THAT.
[laughs]
MAYBE I DO HAVE A CHANCE.
- THERE'’S THE SPIRIT!
- I AM GONNA START TRAINING
RIGHT NOW.
[groaning]
[fly buzzing]
[yelps]
[grunting]
crack!
- [roars]
- [screams]
[grunting]
[fly buzzing]
[yells]
[yelping]
[fly buzzing]
- [humming]
chomp! gulp!
[laughs]
BOY, OH, BOY, OH, BOY.
WHEN THE GREAT WAVE ARRIVES,
EVERYONE'’S GONNA BE IN
FOR A BIG SURPRISE.
[chuckling]
[squeals]
WELL,
HERE GOES.
[screaming]
OW! OW! OW!
[babbling]
WHOA!
- ICKIS,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- [cackling]
I WAS--I WAS JUS
LOOKING FOR POOL GUNK.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- WHAT?
YOU THINK YOU'’RE THE ONLY ONE
WHO LIKES POOL GUNK?
chomp!
- WHO ARE YOU KIDDING?
YOU'’RE TRAINING
FOR THE BIG WAVE.
WHAT'’S THE MATTER?
AFRAID OF THE COMPETITION?
- WHO SHOULD I BE SCARED OF?
I'’M JUST DOING
SOME FINE-TUNING,
YOU KNOW,
SO I CAN SET A NEW RECORD.
- DON'’T COUNT ON IT.
- SEE YOU AT THE FINISH LINE.
- MAYBE.
[indistinct chatter]
- SLUGS!
WORMS!
SLIME-COATED LEECHES!
GET THEM
WHILE THEY'’RE STILL SQUIRMING!
- [grunting]
chomp! gulp!
- WELCOME TO THE ANNUAL RIDING
OF THE GREAT WAVE.
crowd:
GREAT WAVE! GREAT WAVE!
GREAT WAVE! GREAT WAVE!
GREAT WAVE!
- BEFORE WE BEGIN,
I'’D LIKE TO REMIND YOU
THAT ANYONE CAUGHT DROOLING
IN THE NO-SLIME SECTION
WILL BE PROMPTLY EJECTED
FROM THE STADIUM!
- [slurps]
[laughs]
WHOA!
- PLEASE DIRECT YOUR ATTENTION
TO THE CENTER OF THE FIELD.
[dissonant fanfare]
- [grunting]
[crowd cheering]
- NOW FOR THE MOMEN
WE'’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR.
crowd:
GREAT WAVE! GREAT WAVE!
GREAT WAVE! GREAT WAVE!
GREAT WAVE! GREAT--
- QUIET!
OH, I DO LOVE THIS JOB SO.
COMPETITORS, TO YOUR STATIONS!
[electronic whirring]
- BOY, OH, BOY,
THIS IS A LOT OF PRESSURE.
- [grunts]
PRESSURE'’S MY MIDDLE NAME.
- SIGNORA,MAY I OFFER YOU
SOMETHING TO RIDE UPON?
- NO, THANKS.
I HAVE MY OWN.
BLEAGH!
- GOOD GRACIOUS.
- HANG 17.
[laughs]
- GOOD LUCK.
- THANKS, KRUMM.
- YOU'’LL NEED IT.
[laughs]
[air horn blares]
[men grunting]
[whistle blows]
- IT'’S HALFTIME
HERE AT SUPER BOWL XXVII,
AND BUFFALO'’S STILL IN THE GAME.
NOW STAY TUNED
FOR OUR EXCITING HALFTIME SHOW
FEATURING THOSE WACKY
SINGING RAISINS!
[toilets flushing]
[rumbling]
- LET THE SEWERS FLOW!
- SMELL YA LATER, KRUMM!
[surf rock music]
- LEFT AT THE FORK.
- [groans]
AH, A SHORTCUT.
- GO, ICKIS!
GO, KRUMM!
GO, ICKIS!
GO, KRUMM!
- [yells]
- [gasps]
- [gasps]
- HELP!
[babbling]
[coughing]
ICKIS
YOU COULD'’VE WON THE RACE.
- YEAH, PROBABLY.
- [coughs]
YOU WOULD'’VE BEEN CHAMPION.
- I KNOW.
- I OWE YOU ONE.
- AH, YOU WOULD'’VE DONE
THE SAME FOR ME.
[crowd cheering]
- ICKIS,
THAT WAS ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL.
I HAVE NEVER SEEN
SUCH A DISPLAY OF COURAGE!
MWAH!
- YOU DID IT!
YOU FINISHED IN ONE PIECE!
- I'’M PROUD OF YOU, SON.
- THANKS, DAD.
- I'’D LIKE TO PRESENT--
crowd:
ICKIS! ICKIS!
- I'’D LIKE TO PRESENT VLOREENA--
THANK YOU--
WITH THE CHAMPIONSHIP TROPHY
AND CONGRATULATE HER
ON A REALLY TERRIFIC RACE.
crowd:
ICKIS! ICKIS!
ICKIS! ICKIS!
- IT WAS A CLOSE ONE
RIGHT DOWN TO THE WIRE!
BUT IN THE END--
crowd:
ICKIS! ICKIS!
- [shouting]
AS I WAS SAYING
I'’D LIKE TO PRESENT THIS TROPHY
TO VLOREENA,
BUT I'’D ALSO LIKE TO PRESENT I
TO ICKIS
FOR DEMONSTRATING TRUE SPIRI
IN THE FACE OF ADVERSITY.
[grunts]
[crowd cheering]
crowd:
ICKIS! VLOREENA!
ICKIS! VLOREENA!
ICKIS!
VLOREENA!
[horn blares]
- HUH.
I WONDER WHO WON.
- GOOD GRACIOUS.
- TOODY-LOO.