American Dragon: Jake Long (2005) s01e09 Episode Script

(JAKE GRUNTS)
(GRUNTS) Yo, G.
I'm the American Dragon,
not the American bellboy.
How come Fu can't carry his own junk?
Until we reach the Isle of Draco,
we must travel incognito.
Woof! Bark! Sucker. Ruff, ruff!
(GRUNTING) So, do they have
cabanas and wetsuits on this island?
Jake, the summit is not a vacation.
It is a chance for the world's dragons
to meet, share techniques,
and exchange ideas.
Most importantly, you will finally
meet the World's Dragon Council.
Yo, G, are we really taking a train
to some island
on the other side of the world?
(GIGGLES) Don't be ridiculous.
We are taking the elevator.
Say what?
(BEEPING)
FU: Aw, I never get to push the buttons.
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
Welcome to Enchanted Elevators,
where service always comes with a smile.
Please prepare for departure.
-Hold on tight, kid.
-What for?
Trust me. I ain't made it through yet
without my friend Ralph Upchuck
making a big splash.
Going down.
FU: Ahhh!
(FU BARFS)
FU: Whoops! Heh, heh. Told ya.
(THEME SONG PLAYING)
He's cool, he's hot like a frozen sun ♪
He's young and fast
He's the chosen one ♪
People, we're not braggin' ♪
He's the American Dragon ♪
He's gonna stop his enemies
with his dragon power ♪
Dragon teeth, dragon tail
burnin' dragon fire ♪
A real live wire ♪
American Dragon ♪
JAKE: Dragon up!
American Dragon ♪
Oh, oh, oh, whoa!
He's the American Dragon ♪
Break it down with the dragon.
His skills are gettin' faster ♪
With Grandpa, the master ♪
His destiny, what's up, G? ♪
It's showtime, baby, for the legacy ♪
American Dragon ♪
From the "J" to the "A"
to the "K" to the "E" ♪
I'm the Mack Daddy dragon of the NYC ♪
Ya heard?
GRANDPA: Jake! Get back to work!
Aw, man.
(GONG)
(SCREAMING)
-(DING)
-Oof!
Enchanted Elevators welcomes you
to the Isle of Draco.
We realize when you travel,
you have many choices
Yeah, yeah! Somebody get me to a bathroom.
I think my contents may have
shifted during flight.
Bleh.
Whoa!
Remember, Jake.
It is important you make
a good first impression
upon the World Dragon Council.
FU: Yeah. 'Cause you're not
just any dragon, kid.
You're the first American Dragon.
G, please. I'm gonna show 'em
what separates the Am Drag from the pack.
GRANDPA: Jake, hurry!
The Council is approaching.
It seems the only student
yet to arrive is the American Dragon.
He has much to answer for.
Yo! What up, what up, y'all!
The American Dragon is in da house!
(AUSTRALIAN ACCENT) Hey, mates,
what's say we razz the new kid?
Yeah. Watch the tail now.
Whoa!
KULDE: Councilor Andam, look out!
(GRUNTS)
Whoa!
Ha, ha! Nice move, mate. Good on ya!
-GRANDPA: Jake.
-(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
So much for good first impressions.
Using shapeshifting spells
for personal gain,
revealing dragon identity to humans,
taking a soul-sucking Nix
to a school dance?
Hey, can you blame the kid?
She was hot! (HOWLING)
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Yeah, I'm sorry.
Lao Shi, we find these violations
of the official dragon code
very disturbing.
And, after this morning's fiasco
Yo! I got tripped, man!
That wasn't even my fault!
I do not deny that Jake
is rough around the edges, Councilor.
But he has what counts most,
a good heart and an even greater Fu!
What? I thought you were
trying to create a mood here.
Lao Shi, such rebellion
by your student is unacceptable.
It is time for the American Dragon
to be tested.
Here? Now?
Sorry, dudes. I came to surf.
You will be put to three tests.
Each have a different skill
and standard of the dragon.
The test of judgment in fire.
ANDAM: The test of wisdom in battle.
CHANG: The test of courage in flight.
We will require you to pass at least two.
Lao Shi, you of all people
know what is at stake if the boy fails.
-Any questions?
-Yeah, is this plasma?
'Cause it looks like plasma.
That Chang lady's wack, yo.
(IMITATING CHANG)
You of all people know
What did she even mean by that?
Do not concern yourself.
We must focus on the first test.
Yo! That's the fool who tripped me up!
-What's his damage?
-Fred Nerk.
He's the first Australian dragon.
He was the new kid on the block
until you came along.
Guess he doesn't like
being the flavor of last week.
Oh, if he wants flavor,
I'll give him some flavor.
Jake, we have no time
for childish revenge.
I will reserve the practice field.
You and Fu Dog will meet me in 15 minutes.
(JAKE GRUNTS)
Field in 15. I'm on it, G.
Yo, fu
How much damage
you think we can do in 15 minutes?
Kid, you have no idea.
JAKE OVER PA: Fred Nerk,
please report to the front office.
Your mommy has just
dropped off fresh undies and rash cream
for your sensitive area.
(ALL LAUGHING)
FU: Hey, Nerk
What the
Thought you might
be hungry for dessert. (CHUCKLES)
(ALL LAUGHING)
You!
Yo, Nerk, just wanted
to give you the scoop.
Step off the Am Drag. NYC, what?
Yeah, now we gotta split. (LAUGHS)
Get it? Split? (LAUGHS)
Hey, maybe we'll see you next Sunday.
(CONTINUES LAUGHING)
All right, let's have a go then.
GRANDPA: Are you ready, Jake?
Target practice? Bring it.
GRANDPA: Now!
JAKE: Yeah, let's go for two!
Believe that!
Oh! Oh! Oh!
(LAUGHING)
Oh! Argh!
(ALL LAUGHING)
Crikey, mate,
you're creating quite a buzz!
Oh, oh, it's on! It's on!
Officially, I'm against retaliating.
Unofficially, let me introduce you
to a little something
I call Fu's bag o' gags.
(BUZZING)
Yo, so how long does it take
for these magic confetti rockets to work?
Three, two, one.
(SCREAMS)
(ROCKETS WHISTLING)
(HUMMING)
Fred?
Invisible soap, eh?
Scrub-a-dub-dub, mate.
(LAUGHS SHEEPISHLY)
Magical sneezing salts.
'Tis the seasoning for sneezoning.
-(FU CHUCKLING)
-I'm all over that.
Jake Long, come with me.
The test of judgment and fire is prepared.
Can't it wait, like, a few minutes?
I gotta Whoa!
You must cross
to the other side of the course,
melting any of my ice sculptures
that threaten you.
Not every target will be a danger.
Use your fire with good judgment.
Yo, if my judgment was any sharper,
they'd confiscate it at airport security.
Ha!
Begin!
Ogre with a club
Definite bad guy.
Troll with flowers Ugly, not dangerous.
Yo, this test is cake. Whoa!
Oh, no! Not now!
Don't sneeze. Come on.
Ah-choo!
Ah-choo!
Ah-choo!
Ah-choo!
Ah-choo!
(ICE SHATTERING)
Hey!
Ah-choo!
(ALL SCREAMING)
(LAUGHS SHEEPISHLY)
So would that be a pass or a fail?
(BUZZER)
Magic sneezing salts?
Jake, I told you to
take these tests seriously!
Why? Who cares what the Council thinks?
Jake, in the Order of the Dragon,
there are no bad students,
only bad masters.
The thing is, kid,
the Council never wanted
Gramps to train you
since they got some rule
about family not training family.
They allowed it only after I insisted
and only on a trial basis.
If you do not pass
the two remaining tests,
you will be assigned a new master.
What? They can't do that!
They can!
And they will.
News from my loyal servant?
The boy has failed his first test, then.
Excellent.
(SINISTER LAUGHTER)
Okay, Griffin, ready to rumble?
And if I said no?
Jake, remember what you know
about magical creatures.
Goblins have sensitive sense of smell,
Brownies like shiny things,
-and Griffins fight
-FU: Hyah!
-Dirty.
-(GROANING)
Next, Fu, siren.
Aw, don't make me wear the wig.
Jake's second test is wisdom in battle.
He must be ready for whatever creature
they match against him.
Yo, G, how come they got
a statue of the huntsman In a dragon gym?
The huntsman is one of the 13
The most dangerous threats
to the magical world.
FU: The dirty baker's dozen.
GRANDPA: We keep their statues
to remind us why we must train so hard.
So if the huntsman's number four,
who's the baddest of the bad?
The Dark Dragon.
No one knows who he is
or where he came from,
only that he's been consumed
by powerful dark magic.
Only one dragon's
ever faced him and lived.
(COUGHS) Right over there.
-(COUGHS) It's Grandpa.
-You?
Gramps, you the man!
It was a long time ago.
The Council thinks
the Dark Dragon is gone forever,
but Gramps here isn't so sure.
That is why I insisted
on training you myself.
Wait, you think I'm gonna have
to face him someday?
Enough questions!
We must get back to siren training!
-Fu Dog?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Come over here, sailor, so I can
seduce you to destruction. (MEOWS)
That is so wrong in so many ways.
Magic stink bombs!
(ALL LAUGHING)
Well, mate, you sure know how
to stink up the place.
-(GROWLS)
-Jake!
We are not training for Fred Nerk!
We are training
for sirens, ogres, werewolves.
Oh, my.
Sirens, ogres, werewolves
Sirens, ogres, werewolves
Sirens, ogres, werewolves
Okay, whoever's coming out
of there, I'm ready.
The test of wisdom in battle shall begin.
(GATE CLANKING)
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
Uh, there's nothing there.
Oi! You want us to bash you right now?
Sorry! I didn't see you down there.
Brownies? Are you joking?
The test is mine to administer,
and I choose Brownies.
BROWNIE 1: Ring the bell boyle!
Remember, Jake,
the test is wisdom in battle.
I'm all over this one, G!
I got wisdom coming out of my ears!
Huh? What the
Hey! Hey, get off!
Th That tickles!
(LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)
(SIGHS)
(SQUEALS)
-Ready, lads?
-BOTH: Right!
-(CRUNCH)
-Ahhh!
(LAUGHTER)
Hey, Jake-a-roo, you need a hand?
-(CELL PHONE DIALING)
-Big Ernie! Fu. How ya doin'?
Listen, 60 biscuits on Jake.
And put a couple brownies on the Brownies.
Dragon up!
Let's see what you got
now that the Am Drag's in the hizzy!
Huh?
-Aw, man! Whoa!
-(LAUGHING)
Hey, listen, changed my mind, Ern.
Put the brownies on the dragon
and the biscuits on the Brownies.
No, the other brownies.
Remember, Jake, the test is
(CHEERING)
Wisdom in battle.
Come on, Jake.
What do you know about Brownies?
They're small. They're not that smart.
BROWNIE 1: Oi, I heard that.
They like shiny things.
Wait!
Crikey, he's gonna
blow the place again. (CHUCKLES)
BROWNIES: Ooh! Shiny!
That's what Grandpa's talkin' about!
Uh, I mean,
wise move, young dragon.
It's beautiful! Huh?
Oi, where'd it go?
JAKE: Brownie likes the bling bling?
Then bring it!
BROWNIES: Right!
BROWNIES: Right!
-BROWNIES: Yeah!
-(ALL GASP)
Aw, Jake, you didn't
have to pulverize 'em.
Oi, what's this then?
(CROWD CHEERING)
Am Drag representin'!
Can I get a whoo-whoo? Holler!
Your dragon student has been
taught well, Lao Shi.
The boy is too cocky.
We will see if he struts
like a peacock after my test.
He will be ready.
CHANG: Your courage in flight
will be tested
by the Isle of Draco itself.
You will fly the perimeter of the island
through three magical rings,
facing every obstacle in your path.
But survival is not your only goal.
To pass this test,
you must fly faster than your competitor,
whom you shall choose.
I get to choose?
Okay, I've scouted the competition,
and I suggest going
with the Guatemalan Dragon.
He's got bad allergies
and a wingspan the size of my pinky, huh?
Hola.
No way, Fu.
I want Nerk.
ALL: Ooh
Heh, heh. With pleasure. (SNAPS FINGERS)
Okay, I'm all for self-confidence, kid,
but he owns this course!
Jake, if you fail
You told me to take
these challenges seriously, G.
And that's what I'm doing.
Standing up to the challenge.
I gotta do this.
As you wish, young dragon.
Very well, then.
Dragons ready?
Dragon up!
Dragon up ♪
Begin!
Sorry, Jake-a-roo,
but the first ring's mine.
(ALL SCREAMING)
(CHEERING)
Ha, not bad, mate.
Let's see you keep up in the trees.
What?
(GRUNTING)
(CHITTERING)
Ha! Try to follow this one.
Oh!
(FRED CACKLES)
Yeah! Ha, ha!
FRED: Ha, ha. Still trying, eh?
It's time you learned your place.
I already know my place.
It's right in front of you!
(FRED YELLS)
(GROWLS)
JAKE: Whoo! Yeah!
Homestretch, Jake-a-roo.
Time to make it hot.
Whoa!
See ya at the finish line, Nerk.
What?
Ah! That's new.
Easy there, handsy.
Why are you only going after me?
No! (GRUNTS)
Let go! (GROANS)
Whoa!
(SCOFFS)
I'm so gonna regret this.
What is this place?
FRED: Look out! He's a dra
American Dragon.
I've been expecting you.
(STAMMERING) You're that punk number one!
The Dark Dragon!
And you are Lao Shi's grandson.
(STUTTERS) You know who I am?
I know all about you
and your dragon tests.
How pathetic to care so much
about remaining the student
of a second-rate master.
He was good enough
to beat down your sorry
(ROARS)
Lao Shi is an old fool
who got very lucky once.
I see he hasn't yet taught you to fear me.
JAKE: Hyah! Ha!
Hyah!
How you like that move?
Hmm. Very impressive, young one.
But you cannot escape me.
FRED: Over here!
Help me!
-Look out!
-(ALL SNARLING)
(JAKE GRUNTING)
Come on! We gotta get out of here!
There!
(ROARS)
Go! I got tall, dark, and ugly.
(EVIL LAUGHTER)
You certainly are amusing.
(ROARS)
-What say you now?
-I say bring it!
Hyah!
Hyah!
Do you still believe
in Lao Shi's training?
Whoa! Hyah!
Heh (GRUNTS, GROANS)
You are mine now!
What?
FRED: Come on, mate!
JAKE: Heard that!
(DARK DRAGON ROARS)
Hey! (GRUNTING)
JAKE: Ow!
(ROARS)
Hey, you all right, mate?
Yeah.
Good. (CHUCKLES DRYLY)
See ya at the finish line.
Not if I see you first!
(CROWD TALKING EXCITEDLY)
I see 'em!
Is Jake in front?
Hey, Nerk, you're going down.
FRED: Ha, ha. Right you are, mate.
JAKE: Hey!
(CROWD CHEERING)
(CRYING) I don't believe it!
They're gonna break up the team! Argh!
(NOSE HONKING)
Excellent airmanship, Dragon Nerk.
You were great, Jake.
You performed better
than I could have hoped.
I am proud to have been your master.
This is whack, G!
I'd have beaten that punk if he
hadn't gotten jumped by the Dark Dragon.
-(ALL GASP)
-The Dark Dragon?
He totally tried to bust my dome, yo!
That's gotta be interference or something!
Are you saying you believe
the Dark Dragon is back?
Believe, nothing!
We barely got away from the freak.
CROWD: What? The Dark Dragon?
You can take me away from Grandpa,
but I can tell you one thing.
He's taught me right.
It's time to start taking
this dragon thing seriously.
I thought that meant
showing up guys like Fred Nerk,
but I realized back there
it means standing together
'cause the Dark Dragon's back, yo,
and that's the only way
we're ever gonna defeat him.
Dragon Nerk, is any of this true?
Yeah. All of it.
He had me beat,
but then he turned back to save me.
Dragon Long, circumstances aside,
there is no arguing that you failed
the test of courage in flight.
CROWD: Boo! Come on! Give him a break!
Say what?
Yo, that's the wackest thing I ever heard!
But sacrificing your own glory
to save a dragon in danger
shows excellent judgement in fire.
I award you bonus credit for my test.
Just enough to pass.
-Congratulations.
-(CROWD CHEERING)
CHANG: Wait! Stop this!
Are we going to throw away
1,000 years of rules and traditions
on the word of two boys?
Yo, Chang, you don't
have to take our word.
You can take this.
All right! Give it up for Jake,
droppin' the claw and walkin' away
like a bad boy.
Za-za-za-zing! Ba-doo-ding-do!
Yo, G, Team Dragon is back in action.
You're supposed to be, like, happy.
Sorry, young one, but I fear
the Dark Dragon knew too much
about your tests for his appearance
to be mere coincidence.
Meaning?
Meaning we may have
a dark agent in our midst.
All right! Give it up for Gramps
and his buzzkill,
makin' Jake all look (MUMBLES)
Our plan appears to have failed.
Do not worry.
In time, he will be swayed to join us.
Just as all dragons will join us
or be destroyed.
(GRUNTING)
FRED: Hey, Jake! Hey.
I just wanted to say thanks, mate.
-You know, for everything.
-You, too
Mate.
(CHUCKLES) Rematch next year!
-You're on! Chump!
-(FIRECRACKERS POPPING)
Yo! Hey! Ha! Who's still the man?
(FIRECRACKERS POPPING)
Yo! Those are my favorite pants!
(FRED LAUGHING)
JAKE: Aw, man!