Average Joe (2023) s01e09 Episode Script

1
♪
♪
- That's what you get
for messing with the Nail Man.
And tell your wife,
Sigourney Beaver,
I'll be over around 8:00.
- And you're married?
Whoa, slow down, Rambro.
- Ay, don't be sneakin' up
on the Nail Man.
Who the hell is the Mail Man?
- I am.
And it's Nail Man with an N.
- Sounds like "Mail Man."
- Well, it's not.
It's Nail Man.
- Yeah, I know,
but it sounds like "mail."
- Okay, a mailman
delivers the mail.
I deliver death.
- You done?
- Yeah, I guess so.
So what brings you down here?
- Well, I just had lunch
with my pops.
- You had lunch with Teddy?
What brought that shit on?
- He called and asked.
Said he wanted to see me.
- Wanted to see you?
- Mm-hmm.
- Shit, is he dying?
Does he have cancer?
- He doesn't have cancer,
and that's some
fucked-up shit to say.
Why would you say that?
- Well, I'm sorry, okay?
How often does your dad
ask to hang out with you?
- Never.
- My point exactly.
So what did he say?
What did you guys talk about?
- Nothing, talked about
Jenn getting into Carnegie,
uh, Ange, how she's doing.
Then he hugged me
and paid the bill and left.
- Teddy physically touched you?
- Weird, real weird.
- Mm-hmm.
- It's like he almost wanted
to tell me something,
then he just didn't.
- It's fucking cancer.
- It's not fucking cancer.
Why you keep--
- I--I don't know, man.
Well, look.
Maybe I'm just
spitballing here,
but maybe he has
a second family.
- A what?
- A second family.
Cat and I,
we were watching, uh,
one of those crime shows,
and it featured this guy
that had two separate families,
one in Tulsa,
the other in Duluth.
He wound up killing everybody
in both sides of the family.
- So you think my father
has two families
and wants to admit to me
that he's a serial killer?
- Maybe. Just saying.
That's a hard thing
to talk about with your son.
- Leon, you are one
strange motherfucker.
- Strange, yes.
But also deadly.
♪
- Boy need prayer.
♪
♪
- These motherfuckers
ain't taking Jenn anywhere.
♪
Move and I'll blow
your fucking brains out.
Hands up.
Turn around, slowly.
How many men are in the house?
English, motherfucker.
How many men are in the house?
- What's so funny?
- You, stupid.
Don't know safety on gun.
♪
- Wanna do some Ivan Drago,
Apollo Creed shit?
Let's go.
- Drago kill Apollo,
just like I kill you.
- Not funny now, huh?
- I tell you I kill you.
- You hit like a bitch.
That was better.
Yeah, that's right.
I don't mess with this shit.
♪
I'm gonna kill you!
Don't mess with the Nail Man.
- What you gonna do?
- Hit me.
- Mm, all right.
Fuck.
You making this too easy, Tony.
- All right,
one more time, Angie.
Double or nothing.
- What?
I don't think you
can afford it.
- How much am I down?
- 1.2 million.
- Damn, 1.2.
You take checks?
- From you? Hell no.
That's cold.
I tell you what.
If you pour me a glass
of water
Then I will, um--
I'll negotiate with you.
- All right, bet.
- Um, so why are you here?
- Nah, I ain't trying
to get into all that.
- Oh, what you trying to say,
I'm nosy or something?
Okay, you know what?
Then I want my 1.2 million now
in large bills, right now.
Thank you very much.
- So that's how you negotiate--
- Mm-hmm.
Ruthless.
A'ight so I got shot.
- You got shot?
By who?
My wife.
Shot me right in the ass.
- Your wife shot you
in the ass?
- Ain't that something?
- Why?
- I, uh--
I fucked up.
- What you mean, you fucked up?
- You know, I've done some
real thug shit in my day.
Nah, new cards.
I ain't ready for all this.
- Oh, come on, Tony.
- New cards.
- Nah, come on.
I can feel it coming off you.
You need to talk to somebody.
Come on.
Tell me about your wife.
- She was one
of those ride-or-dies
that you don't deserve.
Instead of copping to that shit
and appreciating
the woman she is
you fuck it up.
And then you do some dumb shit
you can't take back
all just to what,
make it easier
for you to walk away?
But the moment--
the moment you walk away is
when you know how bad
you really fucked up.
And then even after
all your bullshit
she don't budge.
Why?
Why the fuck
she just don't move on?
- She's not gon' move on
'cause that's the easy thing
to do.
I mean, hard thing to do
is when you love somebody,
you stay.
Look, now, Tony,
you got a choice.
You either gon' be
her ride-or-die
or her run-and-hide.
- Wow, some deep shit, Angela.
So what about you?
- What?
- Why did you land in here?
Your mans did that to you?
- Oh, no.
No, he would never do that.
- Mm.
- This actually, um--
it was done by a woman.
Was it my wife?
No, no.
It was, um
it was someone he went
into business with.
Let's just say, uh, it,
you know--it went sideways,
and I, um--
I got stuck in the middle.
- Mm.
So it was kind of like it was
your man who did this to you.
- Uh
- Can this shit-box
go any faster?
- If I pushed the gas
any harder,
we're gonna be
Flintstoning it.
- Well, maybe
I should just jump out,
run alongside until
we make it up this hill.
- Maybe you should stop
fucking annoying me.
- Maybe you should
let me drive.
- Maybe I already made
that mistake.
- Well, maybe
the last car we had
wasn't properly cared for.
- Maybe the driver
didn't know what the fuck
he was doing with her.
- Well, maybe the previous
owner didn't know shit
about cars.
- Maybe we should just stop
and get some goddamn heroin.
- Maybe that was a little
meaner than it needed to be.
- Maybe it was.
♪
- What is wrong with you?
- Nothing's wrong with me.
♪
♪
- Tend to be too loud ♪
But I'm not ashamed
of my words ♪
Clearly I'm gone ♪
And I'm going
into the deep end ♪
Far over my head ♪
- What can I get for you?
- I'm lookin' for Bobby.
- I'm sorry.
I don't know no Bobby.
- Okay, how 'bout now?
- Nope.
- Motherfucker, I'm in a rush.
How much?
- Five.
- Three.
- Damn, girl, you cheap.
Your lotion cheap
with your ashy-ass knuckles.
Yo, where he at?
- Booth in the back.
- I, I ♪
- Do this, tell him
if he doesn't come out
with my fucking money,
I'ma burn
his mom's fucking house down.
No, not with her in it.
I ain't no fucking animal.
All right. Keep me posted.
- They say
I'm out of my mind ♪
Can't even say it's a lie ♪
- Whoa, whoa.
No one said you could sit down.
- No one fucking asked.
- Into the deep end ♪
- Okay, what can I do for you?
It's more like,
"What can I do for you?"
I got that H.
- I hope it's more than this.
Look I do weight.
I don't fuck around
on the kiddies menu,
so don't be wasting
my motherfucking time.
- Well, that's good
'cause I got a kilo.
I got your attention now?
You interested?
Or are you wasting
my motherfuckin' time?
♪
- All right,
all right, all right.
Get her cleaned up
and ready to go.
Soon we will be
in Mother Russia.
And this is exciting, yes?
You're excited.
Oh, she's excited.
All right, all right. Help me.
Beautiful.
Aah!
The baby, something's wrong.
- What is wrong? What is wrong?
What is happening
to my grandson?
- Breathe, breathe, breathe.
- I think I'm good.
I think I'm good now.
Yeah, I'm good.
I'm sorry.
I don't know what happened.
I think the baby kicked,
and--and I got scared.
- Did you hear that?
Thank you.
My grandson kicked.
He's probably gonna be the best
football player ever lived.
Oh, opa, uh?
All right, everybody,
back to work.
- You're not far enough along
to feel your baby kick.
♪
♪
I know you're up to something.
Enough of this.
- Grigoriy!
♪
Think, think, think, think.
♪
Come on, Jenn.
Come on. Come on.
- No bathroom. Leave soon.
- No.
- No bathroom.
- I will tell Nicolai
how poorly you're treating me
and his grandson.
I'm sure he wouldn't be
too happy about that.
♪
What?
♪
- Daddy, Daddy, Daddy,
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Oh, Daddy, I'm so sorry.
- I'm sorry.
- I'm so sorry.
- It was my fault.
I'm so sorry, Jenn.
Please forgive me.
Now listen to me, okay?
We gotta get you outta here,
okay?
We gotta get you outta here.
Jenn, please, come on.
Come on.
It's painted shut.
Listen. Listen.
Listen.
♪
- How you feeling?
- Um, I'm still sore.
And now I'm losing my voice.
- The doctor wants you to have
one more
methylprednisolone shot.
And then if you keep improving
like you have been,
he'll move you back on
to your oral meds.
- All right.
- Nice and quick.
There we go.
Great.
Almost done.
- Okay.
- We're good.
There you go.
Can I get you anything else?
- Mm, no, I'm fine.
Hey, um, there was a guy here
with a therapy dog.
He had a Dalmatian.
He, um--is he here tonight?
- Are you sure?
They stopped allowing
service animals in the hospital
about a month ago.
There was a biting incident.
- Oh. Uh, you know what?
I must've dreamed it
or something.
Then never mind.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- Ring if you need anything?
- I will.
- Get some rest.
- Thanks.
Shit.
♪
- 25 for the first key.
20 every one after that.
- No, my shit is too pure
for numbers like that.
75 for the first, 70 after.
- 30 and 25.
- 50 and 50, final offer.
You won't be disappointed.
- That's not for me, darling.
- Yeah, I don't use.
But thank you very much.
- I insist.
- Hey, man, what the fuck?
You think
I'm a cop or something?
I ain't no cop.
Okay.
Okay!
Now I insist.
- Mm-hmm.
- Fuck me.
- 50 and 45.
- Deal.
Tomorrow, 10:00.
Pick me up here
at this address, alone.
And you better have
what I'm buying.
Make it 10:15,
and you better have
my motherfucking money.
How you get out
this nice-ass car?
Oh, I figured it out.
Work like the rest of 'em.
- Get out
of the fuckin' street!
I am trying.
♪
- I tell you, I am working.
I'm not lying. I have job now.
I don't know who she is.
They tell me very little.
I don't know
what time I'll be home.
- Whoa, whoa.
- Whoa.
- Whoa.
- You can call.
They bring everything.
- You gotta go.
- No, I'm not leaving with--
- Hey, I'll be fine.
You gotta go.
Leon is out there somewhere.
Touch is on his way.
The car's on the side
of the road.
The keys are in the ignition.
You start that motherfucker up,
and you just drive, okay?
- No, no, no.
- Hold on.
Here. Take this.
If somebody comes, shoot 'em,
and you keep fucking running.
And you keep going.
- You have to come with me.
- Shh.
See you at home, okay?
I promise.
- You promise?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Okay.
I love you.
- Love you too.
- Okay, bye.
I love you.
- How would I know who has
best ramen in Pittsburgh?
I've got to go.
♪
- Run, Jenn.
♪
Please be okay.
Please be okay, Jenn.
- The plumber and his friends
are here.
♪
♪
- Stay here.
- Hey there, Hit-bitch.
Remember me?
A little closer, come on.
Get her!
Fuck.
♪
You don't get to die until
I get my daughter back,
so stay in the fucking cabin.
Stop!
- We go back to house now.
- Oh, shit.
- Shit.
- Jenn!
Wait, no, hey.
It's me.
Jenn, come here.
- Oh, my God.
- It's me. It's okay.
- Touch?
- Are you okay? Are you hurt?
- No, no, I'm okay.
- Okay, good.
Where's your dad?
Where's Joe?
- He's back in the cabin.
He's in the bathroom.
He couldn't get out the window.
He said that Leon's here
somewhere in the woods.
- Shh.
- I just don't know where.
- All right, listen,
I'm gonna go after them.
Pam, you get her in that van,
and you get her out of here,
- Uh-uh, I'm not leaving
without Nicolai.
- God damn it, Pamela.
These are my friends.
Do this for me.
♪
- All right, but if you see
that motherfucker--
- I'm gonna kill him.
- You better fucking kill him.
- Go.
- Let's go.
- Touch is gonna find my dad,
right?
- He will.
They're all gonna be okay,
all right?
Oh, Jesus, Le.
Man, it is great
to fucking see you.
- Yeah, I was thinking
the same thing.
Jenn got free,
but I lost track of her.
- No, no, she safe.
She's with Pam.
- What about Joe?
- Jenn says he's still up
at the cabin.
- Yeah.
I shot Hit-bitch, wounded her,
but didn't kill her.
Did manage to take out
a couple of Russian baddies
inside of the garage.
I'm thinking there's four,
five left maybe.
- Jesus, Leon,
who the fuck are you?
- I guess I'm just done
being a fuckup.
- Good for you.
- Yeah.
You think you're done
being a junkie?
- Yeah, I am.
How come you never--
- You're my brother, man.
I love you.
- I love you too, pal.
- Yeah, well,
now that that's settled,
how 'bout we get Joe
the fuck out of here?
- Yeah, let's do it.
- Yeah.
- Double back to the van.
You make sure
they get out of here okay.
I'm going for Joe.
- Got it.
♪
- Hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey, easy Angela.
All right? Easy.
It's me. It's just me.
- Pam?
- Pam.
Oh, God. Pam. Oh, shit.
Pam, you gotta wake up. Pam.
Pam, you gotta wake up!
Shit.
Oh, God.
♪
- I can't let you do this.
- I told you. I got you.
Now go before they send
somebody else.
- What about him?
- Man, after you gone,
I'ma prop this fool up
in the chapel.
They won't find him
till tomorrow
and think he had
a heart attack or some shit.
They're gonna think you just
checked yourself out and left.
- Why are you doing this
for me?
- Cause you real.
You took time with me.
This shit don't need
to be on you.
Plus, what'd I owe you,
like, a million dollars?
1.2.
- Thank you.
- Now go on, go.
♪
- You must be Joe.
♪