Baskets (2016) s01e09 Episode Script

1 Synced and corrected b- - Can I ask you a question? - Sure.
Uh, how could I tell if I have diabetes? Have you been excessively tired lately? Not really.
I don't think so.
- No? - Do I look diabetic? No.
You don't look at all Ma.
Uh, how about frequent urination? Well, how frequent? - Is frequent? - Yeah.
- Hey, Martha? - Yeah.
Can you stay here while I go grab something? Okay.
Do you want me to get it? - I got it.
- Okay.
So how many times are you urinating a day? Like 12 1/2.
Aujourd'hui, le monde a les yeux de la tortue ! Oh, a turtle.
- It's a turtle.
- Of course.
Tu as un cerveau, Monsieur? Okay, okay, okay.
Vous pratiquez pour lundi, vous et votre tortue va marcher autour de l'abbey Il est nécessaire de bouge lentement.
Comme ça, vous regardez tout tout ! Ah! Oh! Le ciel, ah! Les arbres, oh! Oh, my god.
Ah-ba-ba-ba-ba.
Vous avez un permis pour jouer ici ? Uh, pardon ? Il est où votre permis là ? Faites voir.
- Uh, my friend - Oui, visiblement il y a pas de permis là.
Ton permis ? I'm I'm sorry? Your permit.
Oh, permit.
No, I'm freelance.
I don't need a permit.
Non, il connaît pas les règles françaises ! Laisse tomber! Non, laisse tomer.
I don't need a permit.
Qu'est-ce qui se passe ? Mais vous pouvez pas faire ça, nan mais ça va pas ! You stay.
You stay here.
I demand to go to my embassy! Where are we going? I don't know you people! - Ah! - Ooh! Cheers.
- Santé.
- Santé.
Voilà.
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! I got to say that was so Penelope, Penelope.
- Quoi ? - Oui, oui, votre père.
- Excuse me, miss.
- Oh, no.
- Miss? - No.
- Excuse me, miss.
- Ohh.
Let me guess.
You want to hang out with me, meet me, talk about my father, know his shoe size, blood group, and just, uh, be with him for some time or play in his band? Oh.
That's what you want: Play in his band.
You a musician? I'm so sorry.
I don't understand what you mean.
I'm not my father.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I don't know anything about your father.
My father.
You're holding his record.
This your father? This guy? Yes.
I don't know anything about that guy.
Who cares about that guy? I came to talk to you.
I wanted to know who you are.
I saw you singing, and I wanted to meet you.
Okay.
What are you called? Chip.
Chip? Like a birdie? Cheep-cheep? Yeah.
Chip Basket.
Chip Basket.
Okay, I'm Penelope.
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
Take my guitar.
Okay.
Okay.
What do you do in Paris? Do you know who Bozo is? Bozo.
Mesdames et Messieurs, le vainqueur du prix Morice Chevalier, pour sa contribution à la culture française : Monsieur Jean Eber.
Got us drinks.
Thank you.
Okay.
Thank you for bringing me here.
Thank you for coming.
You're the only person I know who's not licking my father ass.
No, I won't be licking your father's buttocks.
Whoo! That's why I really want to leave France, Basket.
It's all so boring.
- Penelope! - No.
Penelope, chérie, s'il te plaît ! Viens ici ! Mais oui, tu te souviens de Monsieur Fournier, n'est-ce pas ? Exactement, oui.
- Vous vous souvez de ma fille ? - Mais très bien ! Très très bien ! Oh, oui.
- Voilà ! - Ça va ? Ça va très bien, merci Qu'est ce c'est ça? Uh C'est qui ? Qu'est que c'est ça? Je suis vraiment désolé, hein ! Mais c'est quoi ça, c'est qui ce type ? C'est mon ami, papa.
C'est ma nouvelle vie.
Qui m'attend.
Bravo! Bravo Ah, wonderful.
Opah! Oprah! Je sais pas ce qu'elle a Elle a un peu trop bu Tu m'as vraiment embarassé ce soir, tu sais ? C'est toi qui m'embarasse, papa.
Ah franchement ! Et pourquoi, moi je t'ai embarassé comment ? Tu es pathétique ! Pathétique ! Qu'es-ce qu'elle me raconte comme bêtise ? Et dis moi, c'est qui cet imbécile qui est assis et qui m'as ruiné ma soirée ? C'est ne pas un imbécile.
Ça c'est Chip.
Étudié à l'academie de clown.
Ah.
Chip, Le clown.
Très bien.
Right here, yep.
You probably don't know who I am, huh? Uh, that's not true.
You're the dad, right? I will tell you who I am.
I am a man who had a talent, yes, and with that talent I was smart.
I worked very hard.
I made money with what I was good at for my children.
Do you understand, Chip, Le clown? - You understand? - Yes, sir, thank you.
Yes.
Nice.
Now, uh, let me ask you this.
My daughter You think my daughter, she she she has talent? I think your daughter is the most talented person I've ever met.
I agree with you.
But the problem, she does nothing with it.
Um, example.
I make an appointment to have an arrangement and recording.
No way.
She does not show up.
I offer her to sing with my band.
Sorry.
He is always to egotistic, you know? Heavy.
Don't you feel nauseated by his discussion? My French is not as strong, so I didn't pick up on a lot of the last part of all that stuff.
We were speaking English, but, uh It's my fault.
I should not have helped you.
Now you never know what it means to work hard.
You go around with your guitar, but you know that I pay for your house, for your clothing, and for your dinner.
Huh? This is not real.
You're not a bohemian.
You're a touriste.
A touriste de la ville.
You're like a little lion raised in a in a zoo.
You can't go in the jungle.
You have no idea what's out there.
You will always run back to the zookeeper, to Dada.
Non mais Ça va merde! C'est pas possible.
C'est pas possible.
Is this, uh, French roast? Good evening.
Next.
Yes, I'm looking for a French baguette.
We don't do French baguettes.
We do hoagies.
Do you want a hoagie bread? Uh 6-inch or foot-long? Which one is longer? Well, the 6-inch is like this, and the foot-long is like Oh, yeah.
Double in size.
That makes sense.
And then we have our 6-foot party hoagie.
Oh.
Okay, uh, can I get 2 feet of that, please? 2 feet? Yeah, 2 feet of the party hoagie, please.
Uh, you have to get all 6 feet, sir.
Well, maybe you just give me 2 feet of it, and you can have the rest of the 4 feet.
I'm not allowed to take gifts from clients.
And I already have two strikes.
Okay, fine.
Just give me the least complicated sub, - a ham sub.
- 6-foot ham sandwich.
Okay, that comes with a squirt.
What do you mean, comes with a squirt? We have the Italian squirt, the jalapeño squirt, the Parmesan oregano squirt, the roasted garlic squirt, the limited time yellow squirt, limited time seasonal pumpkin squirt, lo-Cal squirt, soy squirt, or our secret surprise squirt.
I'll try the limited time yellow squirt, please.
That's nice.
Can I get a pound and a half of that, please? Sir, can we give him a pound and a half of the yellow squirt? Oh, I thought that was going to be my third strike.
Where's my food? I need a, uh, cheap Ring for Engagement to Wedding.
Sir, your carrot.
Oh, thank you, yes.
Wonderful.
Listen, I wanted to talk to you about something, and I think it's Oh, no, no.
No, Chips.
Oh, please, no.
Oh, it is so embarrassing.
Will you marry me? Ohh.
Just marry me, please.
You and I can have a wonderful life.
If you'll go back with me and marry me, you'll make me the happiest man in in Back where? Bakersfield, California.
Okay.
I'll marry you.
Okay, look.
You must understand I don't love you, but, uh, I want to get out.
I want to go to America and get green card, you know? Are you okay with that? Then I come.
Thank you.
You've made me so happy.
Should we have a Maybe a romantic kiss or anything like that? A what? A romantic kiss.
No, maybe not.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Just wait.
Good idea.
So thank you for the For the ring.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Thank you.
I wish I could kiss you, but we'll wait.
You're so happy.
It's cute.
Should we go get something to eat for you? You didn't have anything.
I had a carrot.
It's fine.
Oh, I take you to a nice place, okay? - Okay.
- Yes.
This is a mistake, you know.
What do you mean? It's just goat cheese and bread.
It's good.
No, the marriage is a bad mistake.
Uh What? I mean I know why I'm doing this.
Do you know? I want paper for America, you know? But you, uh, what exactly do you want? What do you mean? Because I love you.
I know you're head over heel in love with me, but it's a bad beginning.
And bad beginning always have bad ending.
I know about bad beginnings.
My brother, his umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck when we were born.
You know what I mean? My dad He slipped and fell off a bridge, and he died.
It made my mom really sad.
You know.
It's probably why I became a clown.
I was trying to cheer her up Dancing around, you know, so she wouldn't cry all the time.
I'm not worried about this bad beginning because this bad beginning, look at it.
I'm sitting in Paris with the most beautiful woman in the world Who just told me she would marry me.
I'm going to disappoint you, Chips.
This is good bread.
This is really good bread.
Hey, Chip.
Are you hungry? I got some food: Nuggets and fries.
Yeah, I'll have a fry.
I asked for waffle fries, but they look like criss-cut.
Probably the same thing, maybe.
Well, not if you know fries.
You know fries, huh? Room d's in v-tach.
- Um, page Dr.
Rhines for me.
- Calling code.
That's my mom's room.
Code blue, ccud.
I need a crash cart! Mom! Synced and corrected b-