Batman: The Brave and the Bold (2008) s01e09 Episode Script
Journey to the Center of the Bat!
- Ok, boys, grab the loot, And maybe a couple of those suckers, toto - Not so fast, babyface.
- You've been caught by the long arms of the law.
- Well, if it isn't plastic man And, uhUh And, uh-- - Elongated man.
You know, the ductile detective? - Never heard of you.
- I just don't get it.
I'm morere professional, the better detective, And yet, the public prefers you.
- Ooh, not just the public, my d-list doppelganger.
Batman, too! - Whoa! Oof! Oh! - Oh, yeah.
The caped crusader prefers to work with moi.
- Please.
The dark knight only turns to you When I'm on another case-- And then, only as a last resort.
- Oof! - [gasps.]
- Dude, you'reelelusional! Bats and I are best buds.
We hang out even when there's no evildoing to be undone.
- [grunts.]
- [grunts.]
[sighs.]
[grunts.]
- I would think batman prefers a partner Who doesn't pilfer criminal proceeds.
- Low blow, high brow.
- [both grunt.]
[both grunting.]
[both scream.]
- That taffy puller should keep you wrapped up foa a while, see? - This kind of incompetence is exactly why Batman always chooses me.
- [scoffs.]
he'd rather work with me any day of the week! - [grunts.]
[grurus.]
- Truth be told, [electronic buzzing and whirring.]
[h[humming.]
- 5 months of careful research To culminate in this one magnificent moment! [telephone rings.]
[ringing.]
[h[humming stops.]
Drdr.
Choi.
Hello? - Doctor! Aquaman here.
What's new, old friend? - I was just in the middle of conducting A delicate tachyon detection experiment, old friend.
- Tachyons, eh? Splendid! Atta boy! - Get to the point.
- I'm calling about batman.
He's-- how shall I put this? Shipping a bit of bilge.
- Describe the bgege.
- We were fighting that toxic torment cmomo, And the caped crusader - [retches.]
- Well, he took one inin the face.
- I'll be right there.
- Ooh.
Outrageous! - Ugh! - - What mirac I is isis? - As the am,m, I can shrink to e e size of a sutotomic particle And ride electrons alg g the phone reres.
- Do it again! - [cough - Oh, my.
[c[cghghs.]
Yoyou don't lookell atatllll open we fofor me.
- Silicon-sesed micrcroorganisms - Specificical, fastst-rlicatitn noclinicichylosilicacates.
- Whatat kd ofofofedine shall we p proribe, doc? You don't know what kind of doctor I am, do you? - A hero doctor, through and through! - A physicist.
And this goes beyond medicine.
Batman's cells are mutating.
Before long, they'll overwhelm his central nervous system, Causing a loss of motor control, then paralysis, And finally - Then we don't have much time.
Chemo's headed out to sea, Straight for the bialyan nuclear test site.
- Forget chemo, old chum.
The navy can handle him.
- He's right.
The only way to halt this process is For me to go into your body And destroy the organisms myself.
- Sounds like an adventure.
Think you might need a strong swimmer along? One with the heart of a beluga whale? - Oh, I don't think-- - Take him.
You'll need the muscle.
- Ugh.
Then, promise me you won't do anything foolish.
Activity makes a virus spread faster, ok? Say, "ahh.
" and remember, stay put.
- Ahh.
[thinks.]
I thought they'd never leave.
[grunts.]
- The human lung.
Mother nature is truly our greatest architect.
Look--dendritic cells, alveoli.
- Yes, yes, all very interesting.
But how small are we? - About 15 microns-- Small enough to slip between batman's cells without damage.
And that's batman's cilia you're hanging from.
- Cilia and sillier! [laughs.]
Alley-oop! [laughs.]
[grunts.]
You know, this can't help but remind me of the time I ventured into the belly of a giant squid To retrieve the enchanted pearl needed To save the falkland islands.
- Let's stay focused on the mission at hand, shall we? Finding those silicon compounds? - Yes, professor.
- [narrating.]
my body grows weaker with each passing moment.
Only the thought of the destruction That walking chemical spill will wreak keeps me focused.
- [growls.]
- [groaning.]
[narrating.]
loss of motor control, check.
- [grunts.]
- [groans.]
- Oxygen low.
- Batmobile Switch to voice command.
[beeps.]
- [surface.]
- As we travel through the villi, The cp4 barium sonar wave Will indicate any monoclinic phylosilicates in our vicinity.
- English, man, english! - [groans.]
this little doohickey beeps When the cooties are near.
- Ahh, I-- cooties, yes.
[beeping.]
- Ok.
Now we're cooking.
- [hissing.]
- These phylosilicates are dangerous, So let's think this out.
- En garde, you microscopic misanthrope! [laughs.]
We shall call this adventure "the one where larger-than-life heroes Come in small packages.
".
" [squishes.]
- wh--what? - It's replicating! - Yes, and it's making more of itself, too! We'll just have to fight harder! - [roaring.]
- [grunting.]
Oof! - Now's the time for thinking, not fighting! - Ha! The problem with you, atom, Is that you think when you should feel.
[beeping.]
- Time to try things my way.
A simple electromagnetic shock will destroy them And cure batman in the process.
Observe.
See? Thinking's not so tough.
Maybe you should try it sometime.
- [both grunt.]
- [grunts.]
- There's no way they could have spread this quickly, unless-- Unless batman disregarded my orders for bed rest And went after chemo.
- Of course he went after chemo.
He's batman! - [roaring.]
- Worry not, poindexter.
I shall lead us to safer ground.
- Wait! At our size, blood vessels are raging rivers of death.
- Not if summon us a sturdy steed.
- And what, exactly, are you going to summon? This is not the ocean.
There are no fish in batman's-- - [whinnies.]
- I stand corrected.
- [whinnies.]
- Giddy-up! - [all snarl.]
- Evasive subroutine 2-niner.
Go.
Concussive grenades, full power.
- [roars.]
[belches.]
- [thinking.]
let's hope atom and aquaman are having better luck than I am.
- They're going to kill us! - Have at thee! [grunting.]
Huzzah! - [grunts.]
- [roars.]
- [grunts.]
- [roars.]
- [laughs.]
I'm king of the sea! - Just get us out of here! - [whinnies.]
- [men scream.]
- [whinnies.]
- That was outrageous! - I'll admit, we survived.
- [whinnies.]
- Good boy.
You were magnificent! Yes, big hug.
- He's not hugging you.
He is merely interpreting you as a foreign body To be surrounded and destroyed.
- Sure feels like a hug to me.
And since we found you in batman's blood stream, I think we'll name you platelet.
- Except that's a lymphocyte.
- Platatelet it is! - [distant roaring and squeaking.]
- Neptune's beard, they're everywhere! - And we're not going to be able to beat them head-on.
- Not the way you fight, no.
- Our only chance is to find and destroy the seed cell, And based on these symptoms, It can only be in one place-- Batman's brain.
- Then let's ride.
Hi-yo, platelet, away! - [whinnies.]
- [groaning.]
- [thinking.]
chemo went to a lot of trouble to get that nuke.
"but for whom?" is the question.
Who's the real brain behind this mindless brute? - You poor, pitiful fool, batman.
I believe this is checkmate.
- [thinks.]
the brain.
N.
Ronic.
- As much fun as it was watching you match wits with chemo, - Our little toy is now going Where no one will get to it.
And if the bialyan people do not surrender to my rule, My lackey's corrosive juices will eat through the bomb's housing, Causing an explosion That will destroy their entire country.
But before we get to that nasty business, batman, I think it is time for chemo to put you out of your misery.
- [rumbles.]
- [grunts.]
Eject.
- [growls.]
- [whinnies.]
- Batman's brain.
Is that the seed cell you spoke of? - Yes.
This field pressurizer will obliterate it.
- [hissing.]
- What in davy jones' locker is sappening? - They're mutating-- growing bigger, stronger.
It's as if batman's been exposed To chemo's toxins all over again.
- Tell me you have a plan.
- [growls.]
- [screaming.]
- [roars.]
[grunts.]
- Submit, you mindless plebeians! Bow before the brain! - [gurgles.]
- [groans.]
[grunts.]
- [groaning.]
[groaning continues.]
- [groaning.]
[panting.]
[grunts.]
[thinks.]
and now, for the brain.
- Come on, doc.
Write us a heroic prescription.
- I--I don't know.
Every course of action I can think of leads To unacceptable consequences.
- Then this is not the time to think, But the time to act.
- [grunts.]
What are you doing? - Drawing their forces so you can destroy the seed cell.
- But you'll never survive! - Perhaps, but at least I'll have one heck of a story.
[yells.]
[grunting.]
huzzah! [beeps.]
- Impossible! My plot was foolproof! - [grunts.]
- Batman.
- [grunts.]
I'm taking you in.
- A brave but futile gesture, detective.
The fast-replicating silicates chemo infected you withh Are going to kill you.
Even now, you can barely stand.
- [grunts and screams.]
- [both grunt.]
- [panting.]
- So, it comes down to this-- Brain versus brawn, Mano-a-mano, Locked in mortal combat.
[grunting.]
- [grunting.]
[gasps.]
- [squeals.]
- Platelet! Now you've done it! [screams.]
- [grunts.]
- [grunting.]
Outrageous! Evildoers, beware my wrath! - Uh, what about the plan? - Blah, blah, blah.
Let's punch 'em! [grunting.]
- [growls.]
- [growls and hisssses.]
- [men grunting.]
- [grunts.]
- [snarls.]
- [growls.]
[grunts.]
- [squeals.]
- [all screech.]
[beeping.]
- [groaning.]
- Ho, ho, ho! Now, who is the weakling? And so, it ends.
- [grunts.]
- [gasps.]
sacre bleu! But chemo's microorganisms should have killed you! - I've got microorganisms of my own, brain, And mine work for the good guys.
- Die, you fleshy fool! - [grunting.]
Your mind is twisted, brain.
You can think about the error of your ways While doing hard time in a bialyan prison.
- I've not seen heroics like yours Since the time I saved an elderly merman from a pack of great whites.
Good show! But you know, coming to my aid like that Was not the rational course of action, doc.
- Let's call it a momentary lapse in judgment.
- Our victory, though, has come at a great cost.
- Ah, platelet.
I'm so sorry, aquaman.
He was a valiant steed.
But lymphocytes never last long.
- Come, then.
Let us honor platelet and live as heroes.
Take us home, old chum.
- There's only one way out.
Left at the jugular, then on toward a tear duct.
- Tear duct? But surely, Batman never cries.
- You've been caught by the long arms of the law.
- Well, if it isn't plastic man And, uhUh And, uh-- - Elongated man.
You know, the ductile detective? - Never heard of you.
- I just don't get it.
I'm morere professional, the better detective, And yet, the public prefers you.
- Ooh, not just the public, my d-list doppelganger.
Batman, too! - Whoa! Oof! Oh! - Oh, yeah.
The caped crusader prefers to work with moi.
- Please.
The dark knight only turns to you When I'm on another case-- And then, only as a last resort.
- Oof! - [gasps.]
- Dude, you'reelelusional! Bats and I are best buds.
We hang out even when there's no evildoing to be undone.
- [grunts.]
- [grunts.]
[sighs.]
[grunts.]
- I would think batman prefers a partner Who doesn't pilfer criminal proceeds.
- Low blow, high brow.
- [both grunt.]
[both grunting.]
[both scream.]
- That taffy puller should keep you wrapped up foa a while, see? - This kind of incompetence is exactly why Batman always chooses me.
- [scoffs.]
he'd rather work with me any day of the week! - [grunts.]
[grurus.]
- Truth be told, [electronic buzzing and whirring.]
[h[humming.]
- 5 months of careful research To culminate in this one magnificent moment! [telephone rings.]
[ringing.]
[h[humming stops.]
Drdr.
Choi.
Hello? - Doctor! Aquaman here.
What's new, old friend? - I was just in the middle of conducting A delicate tachyon detection experiment, old friend.
- Tachyons, eh? Splendid! Atta boy! - Get to the point.
- I'm calling about batman.
He's-- how shall I put this? Shipping a bit of bilge.
- Describe the bgege.
- We were fighting that toxic torment cmomo, And the caped crusader - [retches.]
- Well, he took one inin the face.
- I'll be right there.
- Ooh.
Outrageous! - Ugh! - - What mirac I is isis? - As the am,m, I can shrink to e e size of a sutotomic particle And ride electrons alg g the phone reres.
- Do it again! - [cough - Oh, my.
[c[cghghs.]
Yoyou don't lookell atatllll open we fofor me.
- Silicon-sesed micrcroorganisms - Specificical, fastst-rlicatitn noclinicichylosilicacates.
- Whatat kd ofofofedine shall we p proribe, doc? You don't know what kind of doctor I am, do you? - A hero doctor, through and through! - A physicist.
And this goes beyond medicine.
Batman's cells are mutating.
Before long, they'll overwhelm his central nervous system, Causing a loss of motor control, then paralysis, And finally - Then we don't have much time.
Chemo's headed out to sea, Straight for the bialyan nuclear test site.
- Forget chemo, old chum.
The navy can handle him.
- He's right.
The only way to halt this process is For me to go into your body And destroy the organisms myself.
- Sounds like an adventure.
Think you might need a strong swimmer along? One with the heart of a beluga whale? - Oh, I don't think-- - Take him.
You'll need the muscle.
- Ugh.
Then, promise me you won't do anything foolish.
Activity makes a virus spread faster, ok? Say, "ahh.
" and remember, stay put.
- Ahh.
[thinks.]
I thought they'd never leave.
[grunts.]
- The human lung.
Mother nature is truly our greatest architect.
Look--dendritic cells, alveoli.
- Yes, yes, all very interesting.
But how small are we? - About 15 microns-- Small enough to slip between batman's cells without damage.
And that's batman's cilia you're hanging from.
- Cilia and sillier! [laughs.]
Alley-oop! [laughs.]
[grunts.]
You know, this can't help but remind me of the time I ventured into the belly of a giant squid To retrieve the enchanted pearl needed To save the falkland islands.
- Let's stay focused on the mission at hand, shall we? Finding those silicon compounds? - Yes, professor.
- [narrating.]
my body grows weaker with each passing moment.
Only the thought of the destruction That walking chemical spill will wreak keeps me focused.
- [growls.]
- [groaning.]
[narrating.]
loss of motor control, check.
- [grunts.]
- [groans.]
- Oxygen low.
- Batmobile Switch to voice command.
[beeps.]
- [surface.]
- As we travel through the villi, The cp4 barium sonar wave Will indicate any monoclinic phylosilicates in our vicinity.
- English, man, english! - [groans.]
this little doohickey beeps When the cooties are near.
- Ahh, I-- cooties, yes.
[beeping.]
- Ok.
Now we're cooking.
- [hissing.]
- These phylosilicates are dangerous, So let's think this out.
- En garde, you microscopic misanthrope! [laughs.]
We shall call this adventure "the one where larger-than-life heroes Come in small packages.
".
" [squishes.]
- wh--what? - It's replicating! - Yes, and it's making more of itself, too! We'll just have to fight harder! - [roaring.]
- [grunting.]
Oof! - Now's the time for thinking, not fighting! - Ha! The problem with you, atom, Is that you think when you should feel.
[beeping.]
- Time to try things my way.
A simple electromagnetic shock will destroy them And cure batman in the process.
Observe.
See? Thinking's not so tough.
Maybe you should try it sometime.
- [both grunt.]
- [grunts.]
- There's no way they could have spread this quickly, unless-- Unless batman disregarded my orders for bed rest And went after chemo.
- Of course he went after chemo.
He's batman! - [roaring.]
- Worry not, poindexter.
I shall lead us to safer ground.
- Wait! At our size, blood vessels are raging rivers of death.
- Not if summon us a sturdy steed.
- And what, exactly, are you going to summon? This is not the ocean.
There are no fish in batman's-- - [whinnies.]
- I stand corrected.
- [whinnies.]
- Giddy-up! - [all snarl.]
- Evasive subroutine 2-niner.
Go.
Concussive grenades, full power.
- [roars.]
[belches.]
- [thinking.]
let's hope atom and aquaman are having better luck than I am.
- They're going to kill us! - Have at thee! [grunting.]
Huzzah! - [grunts.]
- [roars.]
- [grunts.]
- [roars.]
- [laughs.]
I'm king of the sea! - Just get us out of here! - [whinnies.]
- [men scream.]
- [whinnies.]
- That was outrageous! - I'll admit, we survived.
- [whinnies.]
- Good boy.
You were magnificent! Yes, big hug.
- He's not hugging you.
He is merely interpreting you as a foreign body To be surrounded and destroyed.
- Sure feels like a hug to me.
And since we found you in batman's blood stream, I think we'll name you platelet.
- Except that's a lymphocyte.
- Platatelet it is! - [distant roaring and squeaking.]
- Neptune's beard, they're everywhere! - And we're not going to be able to beat them head-on.
- Not the way you fight, no.
- Our only chance is to find and destroy the seed cell, And based on these symptoms, It can only be in one place-- Batman's brain.
- Then let's ride.
Hi-yo, platelet, away! - [whinnies.]
- [groaning.]
- [thinking.]
chemo went to a lot of trouble to get that nuke.
"but for whom?" is the question.
Who's the real brain behind this mindless brute? - You poor, pitiful fool, batman.
I believe this is checkmate.
- [thinks.]
the brain.
N.
Ronic.
- As much fun as it was watching you match wits with chemo, - Our little toy is now going Where no one will get to it.
And if the bialyan people do not surrender to my rule, My lackey's corrosive juices will eat through the bomb's housing, Causing an explosion That will destroy their entire country.
But before we get to that nasty business, batman, I think it is time for chemo to put you out of your misery.
- [rumbles.]
- [grunts.]
Eject.
- [growls.]
- [whinnies.]
- Batman's brain.
Is that the seed cell you spoke of? - Yes.
This field pressurizer will obliterate it.
- [hissing.]
- What in davy jones' locker is sappening? - They're mutating-- growing bigger, stronger.
It's as if batman's been exposed To chemo's toxins all over again.
- Tell me you have a plan.
- [growls.]
- [screaming.]
- [roars.]
[grunts.]
- Submit, you mindless plebeians! Bow before the brain! - [gurgles.]
- [groans.]
[grunts.]
- [groaning.]
[groaning continues.]
- [groaning.]
[panting.]
[grunts.]
[thinks.]
and now, for the brain.
- Come on, doc.
Write us a heroic prescription.
- I--I don't know.
Every course of action I can think of leads To unacceptable consequences.
- Then this is not the time to think, But the time to act.
- [grunts.]
What are you doing? - Drawing their forces so you can destroy the seed cell.
- But you'll never survive! - Perhaps, but at least I'll have one heck of a story.
[yells.]
[grunting.]
huzzah! [beeps.]
- Impossible! My plot was foolproof! - [grunts.]
- Batman.
- [grunts.]
I'm taking you in.
- A brave but futile gesture, detective.
The fast-replicating silicates chemo infected you withh Are going to kill you.
Even now, you can barely stand.
- [grunts and screams.]
- [both grunt.]
- [panting.]
- So, it comes down to this-- Brain versus brawn, Mano-a-mano, Locked in mortal combat.
[grunting.]
- [grunting.]
[gasps.]
- [squeals.]
- Platelet! Now you've done it! [screams.]
- [grunts.]
- [grunting.]
Outrageous! Evildoers, beware my wrath! - Uh, what about the plan? - Blah, blah, blah.
Let's punch 'em! [grunting.]
- [growls.]
- [growls and hisssses.]
- [men grunting.]
- [grunts.]
- [snarls.]
- [growls.]
[grunts.]
- [squeals.]
- [all screech.]
[beeping.]
- [groaning.]
- Ho, ho, ho! Now, who is the weakling? And so, it ends.
- [grunts.]
- [gasps.]
sacre bleu! But chemo's microorganisms should have killed you! - I've got microorganisms of my own, brain, And mine work for the good guys.
- Die, you fleshy fool! - [grunting.]
Your mind is twisted, brain.
You can think about the error of your ways While doing hard time in a bialyan prison.
- I've not seen heroics like yours Since the time I saved an elderly merman from a pack of great whites.
Good show! But you know, coming to my aid like that Was not the rational course of action, doc.
- Let's call it a momentary lapse in judgment.
- Our victory, though, has come at a great cost.
- Ah, platelet.
I'm so sorry, aquaman.
He was a valiant steed.
But lymphocytes never last long.
- Come, then.
Let us honor platelet and live as heroes.
Take us home, old chum.
- There's only one way out.
Left at the jugular, then on toward a tear duct.
- Tear duct? But surely, Batman never cries.