Better With You s01e09 Episode Script

Maddie, it's dad.
Oh, hey, dad.
How's it going? There's no time for that, woman! I have news! O-okay.
Listen to me carefully.
Our oven is broken.
We can't get it fixed until after Thanksgiving.
Oh, my God.
We can't have Thanksgiving at your house.
Mom's not gonna cook.
I never thought this day would come! It's a Thanksgiving miracle! So we don't have to eat one of mom's weird experimental turkeys this year? Not if we play our cards right.
I'm so happy.
I love you, dad.
I love you, too, honey.
Ben Coles, manager.
There's no time for that! My parents' stove is broken, so your mom's not gonna cook! I don't have to pretend I like black licorice turkey? Here's the plan we're gonna steal Thanksgiving.
Oh, power play.
I love it! We'll have it at our place if you're okay with it.
We can have it in my butt if it means I get to eat a normal turkey.
I love you so much, maddie.
I love you, too, honey.
Hello? Mia, it's maddie.
Stop screwing around! Did you hear about the oven? We're gonna have it at my apartment.
I don't think anyone has ever loved their sister more than I love you right now.
I love you, too.
Oh, hang on, it's dad.
I'll conference him in.
Hey, dad.
You're on with Mia, too.
I just wanted to tell you girls again how much I love you.
We love you, too, dad.
Ben Coles, manager.
Ben, it's Joel Putney.
I just wanted to tell you that I love you.
Good-bye.
All right, we've got one shot at this.
If we play it right, we'll be eating normal turkeys for the rest of our lives.
Are they really that bad? They're like a car accident in your mouth.
Who's ready for green Irish mint turkey? Hot banana pepper turkey? Turkey! Looks almost normal.
With maple syrup, and stuffed with shrimp and raisins! Now remember, mom has low blood sugar, so let's get some juice in her while we broach the topic of moving Thanksgiving dinner.
Low-blood-sugar vicky pinches when she's angry.
Ow! Yeah, and when she's excited.
But you kids did not need to know that.
Good news! I was watching the food network this morning, and it turns out you can microwave a turkey and it tastes just as good.
So Thanksgiving is back on! So, mom We were thinking that maybe this year, because of your oven problem, we could do Thanksgiving at our apartment, and I could cook.
Fresh orange juice, mom? Not do Thanksgiving at our place? We always do Thanksgiving at our place.
Keep drinking the juice, mom.
Don't stop drinking that juice.
I am surprised that you would even want to host Thanksgiving.
I mean, that's something that married people do.
Hey.
We wake up every morning and choose to be together.
That is a valid life choice.
Why do you always have to compare it to marriage? Our relationship is just as legitimate and actually, in a lot of ways you're going off-point.
Bring it back.
Uh, I-I'd just really love to cook for everyone.
All right.
Let's give it a shot.
What kind of turkey were you thinking of making? Oh, uh, actually, I was thinking of using grandma Putney's recipe.
God rest her soul.
Oh, no.
What happened to grandma Putney's soul? Five years ago, my mother died of natural causes.
Oh.
Or Ben killed her.
Either/or.
Dad, please.
I didn't kill anybody, Mr.
Putney.
Eh, you were the last one to see her alive.
I'm just sayin'.
Can we not do this every time someone brings up your mother? Do I think you travel around the country killing old women? No.
But some of her jewelry was missing, so that's opportunity and motive.
I'm just saying.
Okay, I have to say, killing someone just doesn't sound like Ben.
But stealing an old lady's jewelry? Mm I can see that.
Okay! Mom and dad are on their way up.
We need to keep her away from the turkey if this power play's gonna work.
Don't worry.
I am all over it.
I have got the perfect way to distract her.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hey! Hi! I better get started on my traditional job of watching football and folding napkins into interesting shapes.
Last year triangle.
This year Praying mantis.
I've been practicing.
Wow, you can really do that? I am quite an accomplished napkin artiste, yes.
Maddie, I have brought you something.
Now This cooking syringe will be your best friend you can inject anything.
Before you say no, I have already filled it with coffee and cinnamon horseradish get rid of that awful turkey taste.
Thanks, mom, but I was kind of thinking no surgical instruments this year.
Well, look, I'm I'm just trying to help.
I mean, if I'm not helping, what else am I doing? You're doing a puzzle with me.
Puzzles are for children and mental patients.
Walk with me.
My family always does a puzzle on Thanksgiving.
Every time you add a piece, you hit your counter.
Whoever has the most points, or the highest score, when the puzzle's finished, wins.
Well, I was just planning to stand behind maddie and make disapproving noises, but sure, why not? It sounds fun.
Before we start, I just wanna tell you how much it means to me that you are going to help carry on my family's tradition.
Shall we begin? Absolutely, honey.
And I just wanna tell you eat it, Putney! You suck! Oh! There is also trash talk.
Uh, what are you doing back here? Maddie asked me to get the candlesticks.
Uh, you know what? I'll do it.
I-I don't want you to hurt your back.
They're heavy.
They're candlesticks.
Are you insulting my pilates? Because it's a real exercise! Look, look.
I'll I'll handle it.
Are you hiding something in there, Ben? Huh? Is it a present? Is it for me? Aw, Ben, what'd ya get me? Nothing.
Just let me get the candlesticks.
Okay, all right, all right.
Thank you.
No! My grandma's ring.
Oh, my God.
You did rob and kill grandma Putney! I did not rob and kill your grandmother! Then why do you have her ring? And keep your hands where I can see them! Grandma Putney gave me that ring.
Why would she do that? She was saving it for me or maddie, whichever one of us got married first, she No way! Mia, calm down.
I can't! This is huge! You were gonna propose? Okay, yes, yes, yes.
The reason I went to your grandmother's house that day was to get the ring.
I was gonna give it to maddie when I proposed.
Oh, I feel like my brain is short-circuiting.
Will you just give me the ring and forget about this? Forget about it? I don't even know what happened.
Did you propose? Did you chicken out? Let it go! Oh, did she say "no" and you stayed with her anyway? Don't you have any dignity, Ben? Mia, what's taking so? God, she's coming! Put it back, put it back! Um Now listen, she never knew anything about this, so you can't tell her.
Not one word! I did it! I got the turkey in clean.
Nothing painted on, stuffed inside, or injected into it.
Casey's puzzle is distracting mom.
The power grab is working! Oh, there they are.
Yeah.
Ah, turns out it was, uh, Mia in the hallway with the candlesticks.
Seriously, Mia! You cannot tell anyone about the ring Or the fact that you were able to throw me to the ground so easily.
I was a division 3 wrestling champion.
Runnerp.
Napkins are done.
Your mission protect laps.
Yay.
I got one.
Oh, wow! A corner piece.
That's really tough.
Okay, if you're so confident you're going to win, let's say we put some money on it.
How's 50 bucks? Oh! That sounds interesting.
I'll put 50 bucks on the missus.
Done.
By the way, I plan on donating my winnings to a charity that teaches old people how to do puzzles.
I can't believe they're still doing that puzzle.
It's been like four hours.
You gotta try this.
Mmm! Wow.
It tastes like gravy.
What is it? It's gravy! I can't believe it.
It's brown and not fizzing.
Yeah.
It's amazing what not adding butterscotch, pickle juice, or fresca will do.
Yeah.
Give me the ring.
I don't have it.
Well, where is it? I went to find a better hiding spot, and it's not in the closet! I put it back, I swear! I looked behind all the tablecloths, and there is no ring.
I put it inside one of the tablecloths.
All you had to do was put e ring back! How hard is that? Well, all you had to do was put the ring on my sister's finger.
How hard is that? Ohh.
Well, I got a finger for you.
Ugh.
Wanna guess which one? Ben, do not do sassy neck, okay? It doesn't work for you.
Boy, are you moving slow.
Is that the arthritis or the fear of losing You talk a lot for a guy with such a small vocabulary.
I only need to know 3 words $100 richer.
Ow.
What the hell? Unlike in football, there's no rule against throwing stuff at the players.
You can't throw stuff.
You can only say stuff.
Ooh, okay.
How about if I say a bunch of random words in your ear dry clean, bagels, 72, gravity, filibuster We're even.
Damn.
249-249.
Where's the last piece? Oh, great, we lost the last piece.
Guys, it's almost time for dinner.
I need you to move.
Okay, we're not going anywhere, so back off, muppet voice.
I'm soy, competitive puzzling is very intense.
It's not here.
It has to be.
I've searched every tablecloth.
I put it in the eggshell.
I don't know what you're saying.
White.
I put it in the white one.
There is no white one! Well, there was, because it was right Oh, no.
There it is.
All right, uh, I'll create a distraction, and you get it.
Okay.
Make sure that you cut around the ta Time to set the table! What is my mother's ring doing in your tablecloth? Well, I stole it.
Oh, yeah.
I saw an opportunity to make a quick buck and I took it.
I needed to sell the goods to support my drug habit.
Oh, yeah, I-I was addicted.
Yeah, just addicted all over the place.
You were a junkie, Ben? Yeah, sure I was, yeah.
I loved m'junk.
No, no.
He didn't steal anything from grandma.
He has the ring because she gave it to him and he used it When he proposed to me.
We were engaged.
I can't believe it.
No way.
Oh, my God! The goop in this syringe tastes amazing! What are we talking about? You used to be engaged? When did this happen? You lied to me.
Well, we promised never to tell anyone.
We could've been two for two.
If you only have the ring, where's the rest of my mom's jewelry? I don't know where the rest of the jewelry is, Mr.
Putney, but maybe next time, you shouldn't trust a nursing home with a sign that says, "locks coming soon.
" All right, maddie, what happened? It was five years ago.
Ben had asked me to lunch, so I met him at the hotel.
I didn't know he was gonna propose, and I really didn't know how.
Hey.
Hey.
Ready to go to lunch? Yeah, just give me one sec.
I never met a girl could make me feel the way that you do you're all right Ben! Whenever I'm asked what makes my dreams real I tell them you do you're outta sight ah I'm bringing you a love that's true get ready get ready get ready oh, baby ah start making love to you get ready get ready get ready oh get ready, 'cause here I come I said I'm on my way, babe get ready, 'cause here I come oh yeah well, well, well Maddie, I love you so much.
And I'm so nervous right now And I just realized I'm on two knees.
I wanna spend the rest of my life with you.
So today, November 2nd, 2005 At 1:14 P.
M.
, I'm asking you to be my wife.
Jeez! Oh, my God, that is the sweetest proposal I've ever heard.
A dance troupe was staying at the hotel, and I, uh, cut them a deal for helping me with the proposal.
Hotel discount in exchange for dancing.
Is that available to everyone? Nice one, dude! I am a huge sucker for synchronized dancing.
Swimming, too.
Also watches.
So what happened? Why aren't you guys married right now? The five signs happened.
What are the five signs? The five signs that the universe did not want us to get married.
The first one was pretty instantaneous.
Madeline Putney, will you marry me? Yes! Ha! Sorry.
I am also a sucker for people getting drenched with water.
A pipe burst.
Just sounds like it could have been bad timing.
Why didn't you ever tell me? We were about to start telling people Okay, you ready to tell my parents? Hell, yeah.
Can finally start calling them by their first names.
We've got some great news! When-what happened? My mother dying wasn't a sign.
Was more like a coincidence.
No, it was a sign.
Grandma Putney died? When? This afternoon At 1:14 P.
M.
It feels like you're reading into things.
It was a miracle grandma lived as long as she did.
Yeah, and it had nothing to do with you.
That woman chewed tobacco for 50 years.
When I was a kid, the number of times I thought, "oh, yum! A cup of soda!" What happened next? The big, swollen third sign.
Hey.
Mm.
Hello, future husband.
Would you like to have a romantic brunch with me? Yes, that sounds great.
I mean, yesterday a pipe exploded over our heads and your grandma died, so I figure our luck has gotta change for the finger! Aah! What the hell?! Get if off me! Get away from me! Oh.
Sorry, it just it looked like a monster hand! Sorry! It does look like a monster hand! Ugh! Ooh, take the ring off! It must be an allergic reaction.
Help me! I-I don't wanna, I don't wanna, no, no, no.
I remember that.
You said you got bit by a rabid squirrel.
I was.
That was another time.
What was the fourth sign? It hasn't gotten better at all.
Well, the doctor said you've gotta give the medicine time to work.
Ben, this is starting to feel weird.
You think all these things are signs? That's nuts.
No, I'm sure there are plenty women whose bodies physically reject their engagement rings.
The universe doesn't work that way.
The elevator just stopped.
Okay, maybe they're signs.
Turns out we had missed several actual signs saying, "elevator out of order.
" We were stuck in there for three hours.
We were hot, tired, and claustrophobic.
Mm.
And then we started to fight.
What? Oh, I can't believe I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with someone who would drink the last sip of water in a disaster.
Ugh! You're so dramatic.
It's not a disaster.
We're just stuck in an elevator.
Well, it's not how I imagined Mrs.
Coles would behave.
Oh, who said I'm gonna be Mrs.
Coles? I'm not giving up my name.
Oh, really? You wanna stick with Putney? Because it's not exactly gold.
Watch it, Ben.
Oh, please.
It sounds like an old-timey swear word.
"Get off my land, ya dumb Putney!" Old-timey swear word? He's right.
It's not great.
Look, we were both just lashing out.
We knew the universe was trying to tell us something.
We just didn't want to believe it.
But then we got hit with the final sign.
If you don't wanna share your water with me or take my name, then maybe we should just call this off! Well, maybe we should! Ooh.
It's moving again.
That's weird.
Oh! That was weirder.
Maybe we should start listening to the universe.
Look, maddie, I-I love you, and we have the kind of relationship that other people wish for, and maybe we shouldn't mess with it.
It's not like our relationship isn't valid 'cause we're not married.
Well, of course not.
If we wake up every morning and choose to be together, well, that's a valid choice.
That's a valid life.
That's a valid life choice.
Ah, forget it.
That sounds obnoxious, we'll come up with something better.
Madeline Putney, will you make me the happiest man in the world and not marry me? Ben Coles, I would love to Not marry you.
All right, then take that ring off.
Let's get out of here.
Or maybe I leave it on a little while and then we get out of here? Oh, I'm intrigued.
Uh, this is security.
The elevator is broken, but the camera is not.
I can't believe we got busted in an elevator.
Who knew all elevators had cameras in 'em? Uh, we didn't.
You don't think that was true ten years ago, do you? And probably not in Chicago, right? Don't forget your leftover turkey.
You can make sandwiches tomorrow.
Yeah, we're good.
Thanks, but no thanks, honey.
What's the matter? To be honest, the turkey was a bit bland.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, well, at least mom does something to jazz it up a little bit.
You've gotta be kidding me.
Don't worry, honey.
We'll have it back at our place next year.
Yeah.
All right, so how does this last piece look like anyway? Okay.
It's the bottom right corner of the fourth train car with just a little bit of blue.
You find it, I'll cut you in for 10% of the winnings.
Oh.
All right.
I'm sorry I kept your mom's ring for so long.
I want you to have it.
What? Yeah.
You obviously held onto it for a reason.
So you know, it's a reason I fully support.
Just sayin'.
Thank you, Mr.
Putney.
Sure.
Good luck, son.
For God sakes, call me "Joel.
" It's been nine years.
Okay.
Thank you, Joel.
That means a lot to me.
Oh! I found it.
Pay up, boy band.
Son of a Putney! Well, Thanksgiving's pretty much over.
It's officially christmastime.
Mm.
I love the holidays.
Oh, Christmas in the city.
It's magical.
It really is.
Except for all those fake santas ringing the bells.
Like, buddy, I'll give you a donation if you stop ringing the damn bell.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, and all the tourists.
"Hey, "let's all stand in the same place and look at a giant dead tree.
" Go home, losers.
I'm trying to get to dinner.
Yeah.
Oh, here's another one.
Coffee places stop putting gingerbread in everything.
If it was that good, we'd eat it all year.
Yeah, and enough with all the tinsel.
That's decoration? I mean, it's really just shiny garbage.
And the snow it's white for a day, then it's brown, then it's yellow.
It's disgusting.
Oh, what about the Christmas music? My God, it's fun for an hour.
After that, you just wanna shoot yourself and everyone else.
But I do love it.
Oh, of course.
Me, too.
Absolutely.
How could you not? It's magical.
Cheers.
God, I hate these mugs.