Black Jesus (2014) s01e09 Episode Script
Gangsta's Paradise
1 I thought we talked about getting high and hanging - out with homeless dudes.
- Hi, Dianne! So, this is the life you wanted? This is what you chose over me? I don't ever want to see you again.
Are you happy? I'm selling everything that I got.
I see you ain't selling your fancy track suits.
This bitch, like fat, broke niggas that don't pay child support! All right, babies, let's make that money! Just take what you need.
I don't want to hear it.
A third goes to the cholos, a third goes to the community, and that leaves me a third.
- Mr.
Maxwell.
- What the devil happened here? That's that man boss, fool.
Get him out of here! You don't want him lose his job, do you? - Where the heck is Vic? - He runs a tight ship.
He don't want nobody to have no fun.
What the hell is this? It's an eviction notice, compliments of myself and the Compton city council.
You guys are bad people, especially you Bed, Bath and Beyond getup you've been wearing.
Dress like a man, nigga.
Look, y'all.
I got some good news and some not-so-good news.
The not-so-good news is we've been served with a notice of eviction, and we got to pack up and shake the spot within a week.
No-no, wait.
No, wait.
Hold on.
Before you put your piss pants on, hold on.
The city has decided to sell the lot.
So, you know what that mean, y'all, right? If we can raise the bread, we can own the lot.
Now we can do that! I know it.
Come on, y'all! Only $1.
2 million, y'all.
Come on now! We can go put your hand in.
We can get it.
Come on, y'all.
My man Tray hooked up the little website to take the donations and things, man.
What we working with, Tray? Uh, just the $23 I've put in.
Boo-yah! $23! We $23 up, y'all.
That's what wait! Come on, y'all.
We can do this! We just got another $10.
See what I'm talking about? See what I'm talking that's what I'm it's gonna be cool! Um, that was me.
Jesus? I can help you save the garden.
"Gangsta's paradise.
" All right, I mean, looking at the financials, we're a little bit behind, but if we keep, you know, raising money, we should be able to - Jesus Christ! - Yo! I got it! Pops delivered the word, y'all.
He gave me the game on how to save the garden.
A concert! A concert? - Yeah! - Wait.
You mean like a benefit concert? With who headlining? God already told me.
Peep this, y'all.
Coolio! Cool "fantastic voyage"? - I love Coolio.
- Wait-wait.
Coolio.
Yeah.
All we got to do is get him to come down to the garden and perform "Gangsta's Paradise," - and we in like Flynn, pimp.
- Hey-hey.
I-I don't know.
You Jesus and all.
I feel you, but I'm saying.
We talking Coolio.
You really think you can get him? Come on, ye of little faith.
This me you talking about.
Me and Coolio go way back, man.
If you get Coolio, I can stream the performance - online, no problem.
- Jesus, so you go handle the Coolio situation, get him down, do what you do, and we'll get the rest of the show ready.
All right? Hey, you got some weed? Jesus! What's up, "G"? - Finally decided to show up, huh? - Man, you know I got to come through to see what's happening with my partners.
You know, it's just that I've been praying a lot, you know, and I didn't hear nothing.
You know, I thought you might be on vacation.
You know what? My bad, dog.
I just been so busy doing God's work, you know, he don't even give your boy no break, man.
I just be like all the time, man, but, you know, I'm here, though.
I see you got this spot looking real proper, pimp.
Man, this place is a disaster, "G.
" That's why I'm been calling you, man.
I supposed to be open next week, "G," and it's all bad, "G"! - It's all bad! - And it's crazy you say that, too, 'cause I'm dealing with some shit myself.
Me and the homies, look.
We got this little garden project over there in Compton, right? We trying to get it cracking, but I promise, man, the devil been busy throwing all kinds of adversity our way, man.
And peep this.
We need a million dollars to save the garden.
For real? A million dollars? You want a million dollars from me? No-no.
I don't need a million dollars from you.
I just need you to come down and perform.
"Gangsta's Paradise" at our benefit concert.
For real? You want me to do a show? Seriously? You don't even act like Jesus is supposed to act! Oh, come on, Coolio! Come on, man.
You know I'm gonna help you with the restaurant.
That's done.
Man, you know, I got you, man.
But it's pops.
He's serious, man.
He needs you come down and do this, man.
I mean, he's so serious, he put you in my dream, dog.
What's this you working with right here, though? Ooh, way too much oregano.
Whoo-hoo-hoo! I can't believe you guys got Coolio! This is huge.
I know.
It's so exciting, right? All right, y'all, we actually got a lot of work to take care of if we're gonna pull this off.
Mags, you handle the tickets.
Me and the fellas will handle security.
Hey-hey, and I'm the DJ, man.
Let them hos see my face so I - can get them to my place.
- Okay, Boonie.
We know.
We know.
You the DJ.
It's cool.
Hey, man, y'all should let my boy, Munchie-T, open up.
Ooh, no.
No offense, man.
He's just kind of whack.
More like that nigga sucks.
Hey, man, no, man.
He went triple plastic 'cause the first song was slow and everybody's Man, we ain't gonna have nothing popping off if we don't have a sound system.
You talk to your moms? She feel like the garden over.
She ain't trying to put no more paper in it, man.
We'd have a system if I ain't had to sell mine for child support.
Hey, who'd you sell it to? Pussy-ass, suburban-ass Greg, man.
He was happy as hell.
He got it for a steal.
Wait a minute.
Greg who just had a baby? Why don't we just call him up and ask to borrow it? Man, Greg wouldn't even let us play with his toys as a kid.
He was scared we was gonna break them.
That mother [Bleep.]
is gonna say no.
We can Jack him for it.
- Yep.
- No-no.
- No, we cannot steal from Greg.
- Okay, we won't steal it.
We'll bring it back.
Come on, everybody.
Bring it in.
"Thug life" on 3.
One, two, three - Thug life! - Yeah.
Hey, Vic.
Thanks for meeting me.
Yeah-yeah.
Let's make this quick, all right? Well, I wanted to - talk about our mutual adversary.
- The con man? - Yeah.
Uh, Jesus.
- Yeah-yeah, the con man.
I think we can both agree that he's dangerous.
Oh, yeah, he is dangerous.
- Mm-hmm.
- Unfortunately, I'm not going to be able to help you, see.
I don't like the nigga, either, but I ain't no snitch.
Look, I-I understand that, Vic, but this isn't official business.
Oh it's not official business? Well, okay, then, why don't you get your boys to turn their back, I go over there, and whip his ass, [Bleep.]
him up, and make him leave town.
Vic-Vic, I don't need you to help me get him off the streets.
I already have enough to get him on a 5150.
5150 that's a psychiatric evaluation? Exactly.
That's real smart.
What you need me for, though? Someone needs to stop that concert.
- What concert? - The concert they're giving to save the garden.
You didn't know? They've got Coolio.
- Coolio?! - Mm-hmm.
Don't nobody give a about Coolio.
You don't like Cooli How do you not like Coolio? 'Cause I don't listen to that bullshit.
I listen to real music Earth, Wind & Fire, Barry White, the Stylistics, people like that.
The point is, a lot of people love Coolio.
It's an online fund-raiser.
They don't have to sell tickets.
People from all over the world will donate.
If they do that show, that garden will become permanent.
See, that's why I don't even like that Internet bullshit.
Stop the show, Vic.
- Stop the show.
- Stop the show! I'll stop the show right now.
Yeah, hello? Yeah, I like to speak to the councilman.
Tell him it's Vic from Compton.
Vic! Vic, as in victorious! Uh, here comes one of them.
- Hey, Vic! - That's a business associate of mine, an entrepreneur.
Lloyd.
Lloyd, meet the Compton city councilman.
So, listen, a concert.
You need a permit to do something like that, right? Well, the problem is, they're paying everybody off.
The community, I'm saying.
You know, they're donating money to churches and schools.
They're sucking up to the locals.
They're giving money to children? That's going too far.
- The nerve of them! - Exactly! I call it bribery.
They call it "community investment.
" Churches and schools.
They're merely trying to take advantage of them poor, little Mexican kids, but I'll tell you what, though.
Ain't no way they're making a million dollars off the Internet.
The hell if they can't! That online shit is off the chain! There's tons of money in that.
Y'all ever heard of - crowdsourcing or kickstarter? - Oh, yeah, that's good money.
It's like what I do on the street.
Panhandling, but instead of panhandling one person, they panhandle the whole world! Money just be flowing in, the Money, money, money, money! For something like this, a million ain't nothing.
It's easy, man.
You say they got Coolio, right? - Some nigga, yeah.
- I don't know too much about that rap, but Coolio's my man.
Well, the easiest way I know to kill a rap show is for some beef to jump on.
And you know what? It ain't that hard.
You know, they all high-strung and thin-skinned.
All they got to do is hear some rumors in the streets.
They'll go running down there to the spot.
One crew got a beef with the other crew, bam! End of show.
Instigating trouble.
Brilliant! - That deserves a hug.
- I can get that shit shut down.
I'm sure I can! [Bleep.]
Coolio! Yeah, man so.
Hey, have you checked out his new EP? I'm gonna send it to you, man.
It's dope.
Munchie-T is trash.
I ain't trying to hear that.
Damn, man.
There it is, right there.
Ain't nobody home.
Let's just go get it.
Hold up.
Wait, wait, wait.
Come here.
Come here.
Baby monitor right there.
- Oh.
- I got masks in the car.
That mother [Bleep.]
ain't on, man, shit.
Yo, what's happening, man? Yeah, I'm just hitting you up about Coolio, man.
I thought you all was cool, but then I heard about the beef.
What beef? Oh, man, that nigga been blowing my phone up, just hitting me left and right.
Nigga said your rap was whack, and your name was the dumbest shit he ever heard of! Then, when he start talking about your momma and saying shit that I didn't even know was true.
Your momma got a mustache? So what? How would he know your momma's thongs got stains on them? Oh, no, he's in town.
Yeah, he doing a benefit concert in Compton.
Everybody watch so you know what we're doing here.
Pick it up, y'all.
Everybody pay attention.
Get off your cellphone, dude.
I know you got something.
You smell.
I can smell.
Ah, yeah.
Didn't you see the sign that said no drugs? Goddamn, man.
You lucky I don't kick your ass up out of here.
Go on.
Go, man.
Have a good [Bleep.]
time.
Yeah, boy, we about to rock this [Bleep.]
Yeah, boy! Yeah, we're not going to rock anything.
I'm getting a mike feed.
What I need is a line feed, so - the viewers online - listen.
People buy computers to watch porn and skeet off by themselves.
They're not going to be watching this online.
The people here are what's more important.
What the [Bleep.]
is up with the snacks, yo? This hey, man.
Yo, where-where's the snacks? I need "choco-latte.
" Choco you disrespectful, and where my hard lemonade at, nigga? I specifically asked you, - nigga, for a hard lemonade.
- Well, look.
You can just post up right here, relax.
Have you some of them vegetables, you know, and I'm going to have you up out of here as fast as possible, you know? Just chill out, and if you want to recline, man, you know you can go chill in my tent.
You know you're welcome.
All right, Jesus.
Just hurry up, though, man.
Yo, Jesus? What the [Bleep.]
is up with - the snacks, man? - I'll be right back, pimp.
- Where the snacks at, brah? - I'll be back, pimp! Munchie-T don't eat this shit, though.
Coolio! Ha-ha! You my nigga, man.
What's good, yo? We should do a song together.
We should get in the studio.
Do you want to save the garden yes or no? That's what we here for.
- Okay! Help me out! - The reason I did this is because it's bitches who stand in the dirt going to be out there.
And if they willing to stand in the dirt, they willing to let me go raw day one.
Yo, Maggie, go get the cholos.
Hurry up! What's up, fellas? What's up, Young Lil? How can I help you all today? Uh, how about by getting out of the way? I didn't say shit to you, Vic.
Where the [Bleep.]
Coolio at? Why don't you tell that crusty spider-head mother [Bleep.]
- To come outside, holler at me.
- All right, man.
Just calm down a little bit.
Coolio actually in the back getting ready for the show, but what can I help you with? Oh-oh, he got a show? - He got a show.
- He got a show.
Yeah! Show over! Now either you tell that nigga to come out here, or we going in.
What's up? We got some party crashers here? Whoa-whoa-whoa.
Chill-chill-chill-chill.
This is Young Lil.
He got a miscommunication of some sort, but we gonna work it out.
Why don't you tell that has-been, whack-ass rapper to come holler at me?! 'Cause he been talking a mountain of shit, and I ain't having it.
- Hey, Coolio?! Hey, Coolio?! - Yo, Young Lil, - whoa-whoa-whoa.
- Hey, where your old ass at, man?! Hey? - Put the pistol up, yo.
- Hey.
It's a non-violent concert, man.
- Hey, what's up? - Put the pistol up, man.
What's up? You got something you want to - get off your chest? - Be cool.
Man, I don't know what the hell you're talking about, all right, but you need to stop tripping and show some respect for your elders.
I know your momma taught you better than that.
Oh, okay, okay.
Well, look.
I'm gonna tell you something.
I suggest you take a step back before I fire on you, homeboy.
I ain't got no problem with you.
- Oh, you about - but you could get Oh, whoa-whoa what the [Bleep.]
Going on here, man? Oh, oh-oh-oh, J-Jesus.
Hey-hey.
- W-w-what you doing here? - Yo, "G," I was too - old for this shit ten years ago.
- Cool! Cool, come on, man, where you Maggie, man, don't let him leave.
Mr.
Coolio? Young, what's up with you, man? I-I heard gunshots going on.
Is this you out here clowning like that, man? Come on, man.
Cut that out, man.
You know your career is on the up-and-up right now.
You fitting to get money, man.
- We talked about this already.
- Uh, you all know each other? Come on, man.
My man got my face on his neck, man.
Jesus is my nigga! If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't even be here.
I'd die for this mother [Bleep.]
Yo, he got you brainwashed, too? What? Hey, I don't even know this nigga right here.
Young, I'm gonna tell you the truth, man.
These dudes are on some real hate shit, man.
They've been doing everything they can to shut this here garden down, man.
They ain't with the peace-and-love agenda at all.
All the way from some fat bitch's crib last night, give it up for my boy, Munchie-T! Yeah, what's up, baby? My nigga.
It's good to see you.
Yo, what's up, y'all? Y'all ready for Munchie-T? Say yeah! - Yeah! - That's what's up.
Uh.
Yeah! Yeah.
Yo, yo, yo.
I love candy, choco-latte I like a girl with the chocolate body yeah, you know my lyrics and my rhymes so sick if it look like a lollipop, I might suck [Bleep.]
[Crowd gasps.]
Shit! I didn't, I didn't mean to say that.
Hold on.
Wait.
Wait.
God damn it.
This is Munchie-T up here, God damn it.
If he want to suck a [Bleep.]
, that's his choice, man.
This is America, man.
Hey! Hey, God damn it.
Hey.
My apologies, because they got me out here looking stupid in front of you.
You know what? I-I'm sorry, and you know I love you.
And I love you like a mother [Bleep.]
- Man.
- Hey, I need to holler at you, though.
Excuse me, councilman.
Yeah, so what's up with your rap name, man? I mean, Young Lil? You ain't gonna be Young Lil forever.
No-no, you got it all misconstrued.
Hey.
- So, that's it? - Hey.
We tried.
It's over.
- It's time to move on.
- Look.
You promised me that we was going to shut this concert down.
Turn this place into a parking lot! When you figure out how to get these people off this lot, you holler at me.
Jive mother Hello?! Fantastic! Fantastic! Oh, I promise you will not be sorry.
I promise you.
My flavors were redundant.
My spices, they had no cohesiveness.
This tomato was magnificent.
Now I know how to save Coolio's.
Coolio! Look.
I-I don't mean to interrupt, but look.
I-I'm sorry for that bullshit earlier, man.
I was out of line.
Do you forgive me, man? That's all right, my brother.
Look.
That new joint you got? Get it done.
I like that, and you know what? I'm proud of you, my brother, and I love you.
Hey, look, y'all.
I love the love, too, man, but we got to get it done, man.
Yo, where the snacks at, my nigga, Jesus! See, this is some mother [Bleep.]
bullshit, Jesus! Here we go.
Y'all know who it is.
All right.
Now I need everybody on the Internet right now to dig down deep in your pockets, all right, and give to the Compton community garden right now.
We doing this for the kids, so don't believe the haters.
Don't believe the hype.
So, I'm gonna give you all what y'all been waiting for.
The legend, the big homie, one of my idols Coolio! Yeah.
Yo, y'all give it up for Lil, big "G," and DJ "B.
" Check this out.
I'm from Compton.
I grew up not too far from here.
Yeah, Compton, baby! Yo, "B.
" Hit them with that "Gangsta's Paradise.
" Yo-yo, what's wrong with the mike? Aw, nigga, just get on out the way, man.
Got an announcement for you all.
Listen up.
I need everybody's attention.
Yours, too, Fish.
Security my ass, nigga.
You like a black G.
I.
Joe with lifelike beard.
Nigga, your teeth huge! Like I was saying to y'all.
This lot y'all standing on been purchased by Maxwell property management, the - company I work for.
- What?! - [Bleep.]
- Y'all go ahead and drink your little juice.
Get high off your little special sauce, 'cause by next week, this time, this gangsta's paradise is gonna be a gangsta's parking lot.
- Wait-wait, hold! - Man, [Bleep.]
him! Hey! [Bleep.]
y'all.
Your bitches is ugly.
And so is your momma! - [Bleep.]
- Chill out.
- Chill out.
- Man, it's un-[Bleep.]
- believable, man! - I'm sorry, fellas.
Man, all this goddamn hard work we put in for this show, and that mother [Bleep.]
comes and win again.
Ooh! I don't understand.
Jesus.
Jesus, do something.
Why would this happen? - What? - Yo, man, we got 5-0 out here with an arrest warrant for your boy on a 5150.
- He needs to vanish now! - We got to go, "G.
" - Come on, man.
- Good day, officers.
Enjoy the music.
- Ha ha ha ha! - Come on, man.
What-what's poppin'? [Bleep.]
- Hi, Dianne! So, this is the life you wanted? This is what you chose over me? I don't ever want to see you again.
Are you happy? I'm selling everything that I got.
I see you ain't selling your fancy track suits.
This bitch, like fat, broke niggas that don't pay child support! All right, babies, let's make that money! Just take what you need.
I don't want to hear it.
A third goes to the cholos, a third goes to the community, and that leaves me a third.
- Mr.
Maxwell.
- What the devil happened here? That's that man boss, fool.
Get him out of here! You don't want him lose his job, do you? - Where the heck is Vic? - He runs a tight ship.
He don't want nobody to have no fun.
What the hell is this? It's an eviction notice, compliments of myself and the Compton city council.
You guys are bad people, especially you Bed, Bath and Beyond getup you've been wearing.
Dress like a man, nigga.
Look, y'all.
I got some good news and some not-so-good news.
The not-so-good news is we've been served with a notice of eviction, and we got to pack up and shake the spot within a week.
No-no, wait.
No, wait.
Hold on.
Before you put your piss pants on, hold on.
The city has decided to sell the lot.
So, you know what that mean, y'all, right? If we can raise the bread, we can own the lot.
Now we can do that! I know it.
Come on, y'all! Only $1.
2 million, y'all.
Come on now! We can go put your hand in.
We can get it.
Come on, y'all.
My man Tray hooked up the little website to take the donations and things, man.
What we working with, Tray? Uh, just the $23 I've put in.
Boo-yah! $23! We $23 up, y'all.
That's what wait! Come on, y'all.
We can do this! We just got another $10.
See what I'm talking about? See what I'm talking that's what I'm it's gonna be cool! Um, that was me.
Jesus? I can help you save the garden.
"Gangsta's paradise.
" All right, I mean, looking at the financials, we're a little bit behind, but if we keep, you know, raising money, we should be able to - Jesus Christ! - Yo! I got it! Pops delivered the word, y'all.
He gave me the game on how to save the garden.
A concert! A concert? - Yeah! - Wait.
You mean like a benefit concert? With who headlining? God already told me.
Peep this, y'all.
Coolio! Cool "fantastic voyage"? - I love Coolio.
- Wait-wait.
Coolio.
Yeah.
All we got to do is get him to come down to the garden and perform "Gangsta's Paradise," - and we in like Flynn, pimp.
- Hey-hey.
I-I don't know.
You Jesus and all.
I feel you, but I'm saying.
We talking Coolio.
You really think you can get him? Come on, ye of little faith.
This me you talking about.
Me and Coolio go way back, man.
If you get Coolio, I can stream the performance - online, no problem.
- Jesus, so you go handle the Coolio situation, get him down, do what you do, and we'll get the rest of the show ready.
All right? Hey, you got some weed? Jesus! What's up, "G"? - Finally decided to show up, huh? - Man, you know I got to come through to see what's happening with my partners.
You know, it's just that I've been praying a lot, you know, and I didn't hear nothing.
You know, I thought you might be on vacation.
You know what? My bad, dog.
I just been so busy doing God's work, you know, he don't even give your boy no break, man.
I just be like all the time, man, but, you know, I'm here, though.
I see you got this spot looking real proper, pimp.
Man, this place is a disaster, "G.
" That's why I'm been calling you, man.
I supposed to be open next week, "G," and it's all bad, "G"! - It's all bad! - And it's crazy you say that, too, 'cause I'm dealing with some shit myself.
Me and the homies, look.
We got this little garden project over there in Compton, right? We trying to get it cracking, but I promise, man, the devil been busy throwing all kinds of adversity our way, man.
And peep this.
We need a million dollars to save the garden.
For real? A million dollars? You want a million dollars from me? No-no.
I don't need a million dollars from you.
I just need you to come down and perform.
"Gangsta's Paradise" at our benefit concert.
For real? You want me to do a show? Seriously? You don't even act like Jesus is supposed to act! Oh, come on, Coolio! Come on, man.
You know I'm gonna help you with the restaurant.
That's done.
Man, you know, I got you, man.
But it's pops.
He's serious, man.
He needs you come down and do this, man.
I mean, he's so serious, he put you in my dream, dog.
What's this you working with right here, though? Ooh, way too much oregano.
Whoo-hoo-hoo! I can't believe you guys got Coolio! This is huge.
I know.
It's so exciting, right? All right, y'all, we actually got a lot of work to take care of if we're gonna pull this off.
Mags, you handle the tickets.
Me and the fellas will handle security.
Hey-hey, and I'm the DJ, man.
Let them hos see my face so I - can get them to my place.
- Okay, Boonie.
We know.
We know.
You the DJ.
It's cool.
Hey, man, y'all should let my boy, Munchie-T, open up.
Ooh, no.
No offense, man.
He's just kind of whack.
More like that nigga sucks.
Hey, man, no, man.
He went triple plastic 'cause the first song was slow and everybody's Man, we ain't gonna have nothing popping off if we don't have a sound system.
You talk to your moms? She feel like the garden over.
She ain't trying to put no more paper in it, man.
We'd have a system if I ain't had to sell mine for child support.
Hey, who'd you sell it to? Pussy-ass, suburban-ass Greg, man.
He was happy as hell.
He got it for a steal.
Wait a minute.
Greg who just had a baby? Why don't we just call him up and ask to borrow it? Man, Greg wouldn't even let us play with his toys as a kid.
He was scared we was gonna break them.
That mother [Bleep.]
is gonna say no.
We can Jack him for it.
- Yep.
- No-no.
- No, we cannot steal from Greg.
- Okay, we won't steal it.
We'll bring it back.
Come on, everybody.
Bring it in.
"Thug life" on 3.
One, two, three - Thug life! - Yeah.
Hey, Vic.
Thanks for meeting me.
Yeah-yeah.
Let's make this quick, all right? Well, I wanted to - talk about our mutual adversary.
- The con man? - Yeah.
Uh, Jesus.
- Yeah-yeah, the con man.
I think we can both agree that he's dangerous.
Oh, yeah, he is dangerous.
- Mm-hmm.
- Unfortunately, I'm not going to be able to help you, see.
I don't like the nigga, either, but I ain't no snitch.
Look, I-I understand that, Vic, but this isn't official business.
Oh it's not official business? Well, okay, then, why don't you get your boys to turn their back, I go over there, and whip his ass, [Bleep.]
him up, and make him leave town.
Vic-Vic, I don't need you to help me get him off the streets.
I already have enough to get him on a 5150.
5150 that's a psychiatric evaluation? Exactly.
That's real smart.
What you need me for, though? Someone needs to stop that concert.
- What concert? - The concert they're giving to save the garden.
You didn't know? They've got Coolio.
- Coolio?! - Mm-hmm.
Don't nobody give a about Coolio.
You don't like Cooli How do you not like Coolio? 'Cause I don't listen to that bullshit.
I listen to real music Earth, Wind & Fire, Barry White, the Stylistics, people like that.
The point is, a lot of people love Coolio.
It's an online fund-raiser.
They don't have to sell tickets.
People from all over the world will donate.
If they do that show, that garden will become permanent.
See, that's why I don't even like that Internet bullshit.
Stop the show, Vic.
- Stop the show.
- Stop the show! I'll stop the show right now.
Yeah, hello? Yeah, I like to speak to the councilman.
Tell him it's Vic from Compton.
Vic! Vic, as in victorious! Uh, here comes one of them.
- Hey, Vic! - That's a business associate of mine, an entrepreneur.
Lloyd.
Lloyd, meet the Compton city councilman.
So, listen, a concert.
You need a permit to do something like that, right? Well, the problem is, they're paying everybody off.
The community, I'm saying.
You know, they're donating money to churches and schools.
They're sucking up to the locals.
They're giving money to children? That's going too far.
- The nerve of them! - Exactly! I call it bribery.
They call it "community investment.
" Churches and schools.
They're merely trying to take advantage of them poor, little Mexican kids, but I'll tell you what, though.
Ain't no way they're making a million dollars off the Internet.
The hell if they can't! That online shit is off the chain! There's tons of money in that.
Y'all ever heard of - crowdsourcing or kickstarter? - Oh, yeah, that's good money.
It's like what I do on the street.
Panhandling, but instead of panhandling one person, they panhandle the whole world! Money just be flowing in, the Money, money, money, money! For something like this, a million ain't nothing.
It's easy, man.
You say they got Coolio, right? - Some nigga, yeah.
- I don't know too much about that rap, but Coolio's my man.
Well, the easiest way I know to kill a rap show is for some beef to jump on.
And you know what? It ain't that hard.
You know, they all high-strung and thin-skinned.
All they got to do is hear some rumors in the streets.
They'll go running down there to the spot.
One crew got a beef with the other crew, bam! End of show.
Instigating trouble.
Brilliant! - That deserves a hug.
- I can get that shit shut down.
I'm sure I can! [Bleep.]
Coolio! Yeah, man so.
Hey, have you checked out his new EP? I'm gonna send it to you, man.
It's dope.
Munchie-T is trash.
I ain't trying to hear that.
Damn, man.
There it is, right there.
Ain't nobody home.
Let's just go get it.
Hold up.
Wait, wait, wait.
Come here.
Come here.
Baby monitor right there.
- Oh.
- I got masks in the car.
That mother [Bleep.]
ain't on, man, shit.
Yo, what's happening, man? Yeah, I'm just hitting you up about Coolio, man.
I thought you all was cool, but then I heard about the beef.
What beef? Oh, man, that nigga been blowing my phone up, just hitting me left and right.
Nigga said your rap was whack, and your name was the dumbest shit he ever heard of! Then, when he start talking about your momma and saying shit that I didn't even know was true.
Your momma got a mustache? So what? How would he know your momma's thongs got stains on them? Oh, no, he's in town.
Yeah, he doing a benefit concert in Compton.
Everybody watch so you know what we're doing here.
Pick it up, y'all.
Everybody pay attention.
Get off your cellphone, dude.
I know you got something.
You smell.
I can smell.
Ah, yeah.
Didn't you see the sign that said no drugs? Goddamn, man.
You lucky I don't kick your ass up out of here.
Go on.
Go, man.
Have a good [Bleep.]
time.
Yeah, boy, we about to rock this [Bleep.]
Yeah, boy! Yeah, we're not going to rock anything.
I'm getting a mike feed.
What I need is a line feed, so - the viewers online - listen.
People buy computers to watch porn and skeet off by themselves.
They're not going to be watching this online.
The people here are what's more important.
What the [Bleep.]
is up with the snacks, yo? This hey, man.
Yo, where-where's the snacks? I need "choco-latte.
" Choco you disrespectful, and where my hard lemonade at, nigga? I specifically asked you, - nigga, for a hard lemonade.
- Well, look.
You can just post up right here, relax.
Have you some of them vegetables, you know, and I'm going to have you up out of here as fast as possible, you know? Just chill out, and if you want to recline, man, you know you can go chill in my tent.
You know you're welcome.
All right, Jesus.
Just hurry up, though, man.
Yo, Jesus? What the [Bleep.]
is up with - the snacks, man? - I'll be right back, pimp.
- Where the snacks at, brah? - I'll be back, pimp! Munchie-T don't eat this shit, though.
Coolio! Ha-ha! You my nigga, man.
What's good, yo? We should do a song together.
We should get in the studio.
Do you want to save the garden yes or no? That's what we here for.
- Okay! Help me out! - The reason I did this is because it's bitches who stand in the dirt going to be out there.
And if they willing to stand in the dirt, they willing to let me go raw day one.
Yo, Maggie, go get the cholos.
Hurry up! What's up, fellas? What's up, Young Lil? How can I help you all today? Uh, how about by getting out of the way? I didn't say shit to you, Vic.
Where the [Bleep.]
Coolio at? Why don't you tell that crusty spider-head mother [Bleep.]
- To come outside, holler at me.
- All right, man.
Just calm down a little bit.
Coolio actually in the back getting ready for the show, but what can I help you with? Oh-oh, he got a show? - He got a show.
- He got a show.
Yeah! Show over! Now either you tell that nigga to come out here, or we going in.
What's up? We got some party crashers here? Whoa-whoa-whoa.
Chill-chill-chill-chill.
This is Young Lil.
He got a miscommunication of some sort, but we gonna work it out.
Why don't you tell that has-been, whack-ass rapper to come holler at me?! 'Cause he been talking a mountain of shit, and I ain't having it.
- Hey, Coolio?! Hey, Coolio?! - Yo, Young Lil, - whoa-whoa-whoa.
- Hey, where your old ass at, man?! Hey? - Put the pistol up, yo.
- Hey.
It's a non-violent concert, man.
- Hey, what's up? - Put the pistol up, man.
What's up? You got something you want to - get off your chest? - Be cool.
Man, I don't know what the hell you're talking about, all right, but you need to stop tripping and show some respect for your elders.
I know your momma taught you better than that.
Oh, okay, okay.
Well, look.
I'm gonna tell you something.
I suggest you take a step back before I fire on you, homeboy.
I ain't got no problem with you.
- Oh, you about - but you could get Oh, whoa-whoa what the [Bleep.]
Going on here, man? Oh, oh-oh-oh, J-Jesus.
Hey-hey.
- W-w-what you doing here? - Yo, "G," I was too - old for this shit ten years ago.
- Cool! Cool, come on, man, where you Maggie, man, don't let him leave.
Mr.
Coolio? Young, what's up with you, man? I-I heard gunshots going on.
Is this you out here clowning like that, man? Come on, man.
Cut that out, man.
You know your career is on the up-and-up right now.
You fitting to get money, man.
- We talked about this already.
- Uh, you all know each other? Come on, man.
My man got my face on his neck, man.
Jesus is my nigga! If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't even be here.
I'd die for this mother [Bleep.]
Yo, he got you brainwashed, too? What? Hey, I don't even know this nigga right here.
Young, I'm gonna tell you the truth, man.
These dudes are on some real hate shit, man.
They've been doing everything they can to shut this here garden down, man.
They ain't with the peace-and-love agenda at all.
All the way from some fat bitch's crib last night, give it up for my boy, Munchie-T! Yeah, what's up, baby? My nigga.
It's good to see you.
Yo, what's up, y'all? Y'all ready for Munchie-T? Say yeah! - Yeah! - That's what's up.
Uh.
Yeah! Yeah.
Yo, yo, yo.
I love candy, choco-latte I like a girl with the chocolate body yeah, you know my lyrics and my rhymes so sick if it look like a lollipop, I might suck [Bleep.]
[Crowd gasps.]
Shit! I didn't, I didn't mean to say that.
Hold on.
Wait.
Wait.
God damn it.
This is Munchie-T up here, God damn it.
If he want to suck a [Bleep.]
, that's his choice, man.
This is America, man.
Hey! Hey, God damn it.
Hey.
My apologies, because they got me out here looking stupid in front of you.
You know what? I-I'm sorry, and you know I love you.
And I love you like a mother [Bleep.]
- Man.
- Hey, I need to holler at you, though.
Excuse me, councilman.
Yeah, so what's up with your rap name, man? I mean, Young Lil? You ain't gonna be Young Lil forever.
No-no, you got it all misconstrued.
Hey.
- So, that's it? - Hey.
We tried.
It's over.
- It's time to move on.
- Look.
You promised me that we was going to shut this concert down.
Turn this place into a parking lot! When you figure out how to get these people off this lot, you holler at me.
Jive mother Hello?! Fantastic! Fantastic! Oh, I promise you will not be sorry.
I promise you.
My flavors were redundant.
My spices, they had no cohesiveness.
This tomato was magnificent.
Now I know how to save Coolio's.
Coolio! Look.
I-I don't mean to interrupt, but look.
I-I'm sorry for that bullshit earlier, man.
I was out of line.
Do you forgive me, man? That's all right, my brother.
Look.
That new joint you got? Get it done.
I like that, and you know what? I'm proud of you, my brother, and I love you.
Hey, look, y'all.
I love the love, too, man, but we got to get it done, man.
Yo, where the snacks at, my nigga, Jesus! See, this is some mother [Bleep.]
bullshit, Jesus! Here we go.
Y'all know who it is.
All right.
Now I need everybody on the Internet right now to dig down deep in your pockets, all right, and give to the Compton community garden right now.
We doing this for the kids, so don't believe the haters.
Don't believe the hype.
So, I'm gonna give you all what y'all been waiting for.
The legend, the big homie, one of my idols Coolio! Yeah.
Yo, y'all give it up for Lil, big "G," and DJ "B.
" Check this out.
I'm from Compton.
I grew up not too far from here.
Yeah, Compton, baby! Yo, "B.
" Hit them with that "Gangsta's Paradise.
" Yo-yo, what's wrong with the mike? Aw, nigga, just get on out the way, man.
Got an announcement for you all.
Listen up.
I need everybody's attention.
Yours, too, Fish.
Security my ass, nigga.
You like a black G.
I.
Joe with lifelike beard.
Nigga, your teeth huge! Like I was saying to y'all.
This lot y'all standing on been purchased by Maxwell property management, the - company I work for.
- What?! - [Bleep.]
- Y'all go ahead and drink your little juice.
Get high off your little special sauce, 'cause by next week, this time, this gangsta's paradise is gonna be a gangsta's parking lot.
- Wait-wait, hold! - Man, [Bleep.]
him! Hey! [Bleep.]
y'all.
Your bitches is ugly.
And so is your momma! - [Bleep.]
- Chill out.
- Chill out.
- Man, it's un-[Bleep.]
- believable, man! - I'm sorry, fellas.
Man, all this goddamn hard work we put in for this show, and that mother [Bleep.]
comes and win again.
Ooh! I don't understand.
Jesus.
Jesus, do something.
Why would this happen? - What? - Yo, man, we got 5-0 out here with an arrest warrant for your boy on a 5150.
- He needs to vanish now! - We got to go, "G.
" - Come on, man.
- Good day, officers.
Enjoy the music.
- Ha ha ha ha! - Come on, man.
What-what's poppin'? [Bleep.]