Date My Dad (2017) s01e09 Episode Script

1 - First Aid kit.
- Check! Mosquito repellent in candle, spray, and lotion form? Gigi, there's no Zika virus at the campground! I promise you this.
I'm bringing it all anyway.
Okay.
Why do we have to go back there? Because I don't remember it, and we haven't been since Mom died.
But my final sixth-grade project is due Monday! More importantly, it's Ariana's party tomorrow.
Oh, as spectacular as Ariana's party's gonna be, I'm sure there'll be others.
And Elisa, you can work on your project when you're there.
Lots of downtime! And no screens.
Wait for it [groaning.]
This party means everything to me, and you don't even care.
You're right.
I don't care.
Remember last time? You sat in poison ivy and Mom had to ice your butt for three hours.
But what about the Family Olympics? Huh? Come on! The potato-sack race and the thing, with the egg and the thing? Mirabel's knee hit my tooth doing the thing with the egg and the thing.
There was blood everywhere.
Remember? - I remember.
- I don't.
I was too little.
I want to go.
There you have it, Dad.
Just bring Gigi.
How about you guys go, and I'll babysit Elisa Babysit? [hushed.]
: I'm working on something here.
No, it's not working.
You're going.
All right, all right, here's the deal.
We're going to sing songs in the car, and win gold and make s'mores, and it's gonna be fun! Get in.
You forgot to pack my bags.
What? [pained groan.]
Oh That hurts my back.
Aah, aah, aah Can I get a witness? Wow! I'm feelin' all right Just like I should should, should Best day of my life It feels so good good, good I'd bottle up this feeling if I could Oh yeah! All right, who wants to play car games? I do! How about "I Spy With My Little Eye"? I spy with my little eye social suicide.
I spy failing sixth grade.
I spy pain-in-the-butt daughters.
- Stop! - I spy a neighbor.
Hey.
Uh, so, the wife and kids are staying with Grandma this weekend.
And this affects me how? You got room in there for a Boy Scout? [heavy sigh.]
[doors unlocking.]
Yes! Hi.
Thank you.
What's up, homegirls? Okay.
Gettin' in.
Little squishy! [Chuckles.]
Okay.
All right, everybody in? [overlapping.]
: Yep.
Everybody safe? Seatbelts on? [Gigi.]
: Yep.
[Todd and Ricky.]
: Ho-o-o-o-o! [.]
Oh, hey.
Who knows any good car songs? I do! Wait, wait.
Hold on.
I need to make a call before you start.
[cell phone rings.]
- Hey.
- Hey, Steph.
I'm just calling to remind you to set the alarm, close early on Sunday evening.
Don't worry.
I got this.
Maybe we should talk about the trainer schedules again.
Seriously, Ricky, go, enjoy yourself.
I've got plenty of help here.
Ah Yes Bjorn.
Right! That's his name! You know, I always stick with Thor the guy with the muscles and the hammer.
Yes, I'm aware of the mythology.
Shouldn't you be focusing on driving? Look, I texted you the number of the campground.
The cell service is shotty, but there's a phone in the office.
I got it! Buh-bye! Have fun.
Bye.
[.]
I remember a song from Boy Scouts.
Who wants to hear it? - Not me.
- No.
Aw.
You guys are no fun.
[.]
[snort-snores.]
Sorry.
[.]
Hey.
Uh, Coopers checking in.
What up, fam? "Serenity" cabin as requested.
Can I help you with your bags? - Uh - Especially yours? We requested Cabin 12, and where's Hank? Oh, yeah, uh, Grandpa? He's in Florida.
And I needed a job, so I'm also, like, really into the whole Zen thing right now, so I've changed all the numbers of the cabins to names reflect certain moods.
Is there "Annoyed"? Because that's my mood.
Uh [chuckles nervously.]
But "Serenity" cabin is the cabin formerly known as number 12.
Okay.
So you know the way? - Oh, yeah.
- Okay! [.]
[exhales deeply.]
I'm just going to grab Ow! - Help! - Whoa, sorry, sorry, sorry.
Forgot you were in there.
That's all right.
Oh, geez.
My legs aren't working.
Neither is my phone! Now I'll never know what Liam's last emoji was.
Ohh! That's terrible! I feel nauseous from reading in the car.
I'm tired.
Wow! That's a lot of complaining, people.
You know, from here on out, this is a complaint-free weekend.
But my phone! It's also a screen-free weekend.
Wait for it.
[girls groaning.]
Come on, come on, come on.
Come on! Move it.
[Todd.]
: I gotta pee.
[.]
[Isabella.]
: Ricky! Come sit with me.
Look at this view.
Promise you'll always sit with me on the red bench.
This feels a lot smaller than I remember.
That's the lack of WiFi.
Are you kidding me? This place is a palace! When I was a boy scout, we slept in a tent - and ate out of tin bowls.
- Okay.
I'm gonna stop you right there.
If we're gonna do the whole "when I was a scout" thing every six minutes, I'm not gonna to be able to deal.
- Yeah - it's getting old fast.
Okay.
But I have lots of cool stories to tell, so heh-heh, your loss.
I call top bunk! I don't remember this place at all.
Wait.
That's where she used to sit.
[Ricky wheezing.]
Could you grab the rest of Mirabel's stuff? Cool.
[exhales wearily.]
That was your mother's favorite chair.
It's different.
This table used to be over there, against that wall, and your mother's chair used to be right here.
She loved, uh looking out that window, watching you guys play.
She also used to sit here and read to you.
Can I Can I sit in it? Of course, sweetie.
I'm gonna go unpack.
[.]
This project is driving me crazy! Seriously, don't worry about it.
There's bigger things to worry about.
Like a high-school party? Do you have any idea how much of an opportunity it is for me, a ninth-grader, to get invited? I wouldn't exactly put it on a resume.
[Ricky, calling.]
: Who wants to hike to the Cooper Tree? [quietly.]
: Make it stop.
What do you say, girls? Are you kidding me? I can't go anywhere.
My phone hasn't finished charging yet.
Yeah, Dad, I need to figure out what I'm writing on the eco-system.
Okay, then.
How 'bout you? Hike to the Cooper tree? I'm just down for a nap, so sorry.
Count me out, too.
I'm exploring the cabin.
Not impressed with the attitudes here.
Be back soon.
[birds singing.]
Mom's blueberry pancake recipe! [.]
[.]
[.]
Disinfectant spray bottles sufficiently full.
Dusting could use some work.
Rags changed.
Treadmill relatively clean.
Sarge! Looking a little OCD there.
[chuckles.]
I realize I'm not running Berkshire Hathaway here, but Ricky's never left me in charge for a whole weekend, and I don't want to screw it up.
Looks like someone's moving up in the world.
Yeah, well, you know, checking up on spray bottles has been a goal of mine for quite some time now.
- Wow.
- Yeah, and it's just a lot of things to check up on, and I haven't had time to work out today.
Let's do it.
You want to race? I'm not going to race you, Thor, but I could run with you.
Might up my game.
Good! Let's do it.
Incline, 5.
0.
Run! 5.
0.
Oh.
Wow.
I should do this every day.
I'll be ready for the Olympics in no time.
Okay, let's do boxing tomorrow.
Right now, 6.
5, for three minutes.
Same incline.
[huffs, starts panting.]
Okay [treadmill whirring.]
You got it! [groans wearily.]
I don't know where to begin.
Just start at the beginning.
Real helpful.
Just pick a topic and start.
[sighing.]
Whoa! The amanita muscaria mushroom! You stay away from those.
Especially in college.
You know about this stuff? Well, if you weren't so Snotty McSnotterson about my Boy Scout days, I could tell you a thing or two about mushrooms.
I am so sorry.
If you know anything about anything, please, talk to me.
Tell me all about your Boy Scout days, non-stop.
Well, I can pretty much name any type of fungus under the sun.
In fact they used to call me "FunGuy".
[Todd laughing alone.]
Get it? I usually regret these moments, but would you help me with my project? This should be good.
Yes.
Absolutely.
What is the project? She doesn't know yet.
Quiet, Gigi! I'm supposed to pick something natural.
Could be a leaf, could be an insect even a [overlapping.]
: Fungus! And show its effect on the entire ecosystem.
Hold that thought.
[.]
Sister let's get you an "A".
Come on! Yes! [.]
[frustrated sigh.]
Oh, come on! I'm almost at two bars.
You'll have better reception outside.
Feel free to go out there.
What are you doing in Mom's chair? I like it.
Well, get out of it! No.
I'm not asking twice.
[soft, rhythmic thumping.]
I hate this place.
[.]
Whoa-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Now, this is a sphagnales moss.
The entire ecosystem of this tree starts with these tiny, beautiful green leaves.
Tell me everything! Preferably in scientific detail.
I'm going to pretend to care.
Oh, but you will care once you get it, Elisa.
All right? It It's not scary.
It's science.
For starters, it photosynthesizes, like a moss.
No.
- No? - No.
You know how I feel about puns.
And old people doing things they think are cool but are really cringe-worthy.
Okay, I hear that all the time from my boys, too.
I'm old, and I know it.
But You take this little guy out of the picture and it sends a ripple effect through everything.
Now, think of the moss, insects, trees, air, even the sunlight, everything, as a family.
Okay? One person leaves, but everybody feels it.
Do you know what I mean? Oh, no.
I-I'm so sorry.
I'm such a jerk.
No, it's a good analogy.
I know exactly what you mean.
Tell Dad if I ever find WiFi, I'm never coming back! Hey, we've got dial-up back at the check-in center.
No.
No [.]
I cannot believe it's day one.
[chuckles.]
[sighs.]
"Sphagnales" is spelled s-p-h-a [footsteps.]
Oh Oh.
Sorry.
I didn't mean to wake you.
That's okay.
It just got so quiet in here.
I fell asleep.
Yeah.
Guess it's just you and me, huh? Everything okay? Of course.
Yeah.
It's just, um do you remember the Cooper Tree? I don't remember anything.
It sucks.
Well the first time your mom and I came up here, it was raining.
And it was just about the worst day ever.
Uh, the car broke down, your mom was pregnant with you, and your sisters fought all the way up.
It was brutal, so I had took your mom on a hike.
I thought some exercise could get us out of our funk.
And of course, it started raining, and, uh [chuckles.]
I tripped on this jagged rock and cut my foot up pretty good.
Ouch.
Is that why you got the scar on your ankle? Yep.
Yep.
So so I picked up that stupid rock, and carved our initials into an oak tree.
Our oak tree.
And then suddenly that bad day just melted away.
It was beautiful.
I want to see that tree.
I couldn't find it.
[.]
[phone ringing.]
Hmm! Hey! How are things in civilization? Ricky? The connection sounds weird.
I'm using the ancient, rare device known as a pay phone.
[laughs.]
Well, things are running smoothly.
We don't miss you at all.
Uh, just a minute, Ricky.
Mm.
A bit more honey next time.
Oh! Can you close the door on your way out? Thanks, Thor! Hey! Let's, uh, try for a 6:00 workout! Tch! Are you in my office? Well, it's the command center.
You left me in command.
You need to simmer down.
Oh, I tend to get carried away with power.
You're running a gym, not sitting in the Oval Office.
Duly noted.
Have fun.
Thanks.
We have a great day planned The much-anticipated Cooper Family Olympics.
We've been doing it since we first came up here.
I love an Olympics.
I get kind of competitive.
Shocker! [laughs.]
I would crush it.
Okay? I wish I was there with you, but I, um, I'll see you when you get back.
I'll talk to you later.
[coins clatter.]
[coin door swishes.]
[megaphone squeals loudly.]
Sorry.
Welcome to the annual family Olympics! Where Cooper faces off against Cooper - and Todd - Whoo! In a series of exciting sporting events.
You are kidding me, Daddy.
- Let's just get going.
- Mirabel And it's not "annual" unless it's every year.
The term stems from the Latin "annu".
This is a tough crowd! I don't think you need the bullhorny-thingie.
We can hear you.
He likes it.
I do.
In today's tournament, there will be thrills and spills, nail-biting, and close photo finishes as we push ourselves to the limits of our? [unenthused, collectively.]
: Ability.
Ability! That's right! You're getting a little carried away.
I think he's funny.
But I'm laughing at him, not with him.
[Todd laughing.]
That's not funny, Todd.
All right.
Okay, all right, all right, fine, okay, I get it.
Let's get this going.
Let's do this, people.
[Whistle tweets.]
Bring it on! Let's go! Ready to go, Coopers? [.]
Come on.
Go, Elisa.
Come in hard, Ricardo! It's a curling term.
I watch a lot of curling.
[laughing.]
[Gigi.]
: Elisa, you can do it! Let's go! I watch a lot of cross-fit, sister! - Go, Gigi! - Look at Gigi go! Gigi-rama! Slow down! No.
I'm not slowing down.
You better get ready.
You're up next.
Oof! It might be a while.
Down.
I'm okay! I'm okay.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Finished! [Ricky.]
: Come on, Gigi! - That's great, Todd.
- Come on, Gigi.
It's falling.
Just don't Don't look back.
You can't look back.
Oh! [everyone groaning.]
It's on my face! [Ricky.]
: Gigi, you've got to keep going, Gigi! [all grunting.]
Okay.
Come on! Come on.
Ohh! [strained laughter.]
Daddy, we're making a valiant effort, but we need another person! Yep! You know who'd be good at this? Stephanie.
She's super-competitive! With her, we couldn't lose! Ohh! [groaning.]
[cheering.]
[wheezing.]
[hooting and cheering.]
: Hoo-hoo-hooah! Yeah! [laughing.]
Oh, my! Look at her go! Ohh! Oh! Todd goes down! Ohh! In many sporting events, the victor expresses joy with a display such as this [laughter.]
Go, Gigi! [chuckling.]
Woo! Hey, hey.
Ease up, Mirabel.
We're just having fun.
No, I'm here because you insisted.
I just want to find a cell phone signal and call my friends.
Wait, wait.
Everything was great 15 minutes ago! [.]
- Good job, Todd! - All right.
All right, this one's coming out to Todd! Send me a biggie! Okay! [Todd groaning.]
[bush rustling.]
Oh [panting.]
Oh, no, no, no.
No-no-no-no-no-no-no! Toxicodendron radicans! Poison ivy! The boy scouts' foe! - You okay? - I don't think so! You need me to come over? Would you be so kind? I react very badly to poison ivy, Ricardo.
Girls, can you get the first-aid kit out of the office? On it.
You're a gentleman and a scholar, Ricardo! Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho! Ohh ahh.
Look! There's the first-aid kit.
Elisa.
Check this out.
Oh, my God.
Look at them.
That's the Cooper Tree! Daddy looked for it, but couldn't find it.
But we can find it, I know it.
How? Look at that! That's a landmark.
Let's go find Marky.
He'll know.
Let me take a picture.
[shutter snaps.]
Come on! [.]
I'll see that bet and raise.
Call.
[.]
I'm out.
What do ya got? Read 'em and "Weep" is the word you're looking for.
It's a common idiom, and weeping does seem in order since I beat you.
Again.
I swear, I'm taking you to Vegas, Rainman.
We'll clean up! Just a second.
I - You okay there? - Yeah, I got it.
- You sure? - Nope.
All right.
I got it, I got it.
Ahh All right.
[Todd.]
: Ahem.
Oh.
Mirabel.
Should I deal you in? I don't think so.
You know who could get her to act like a human being? Stephanie.
Mirabel respects her.
That's 'cause she has good hair.
Probably.
Yeah, she does have really nice hair.
All right.
Stephanie would also kick your little butt, Gigi.
She's a shark.
Uh what is that? What What are you people doing? Oh, we got this little game going on.
Every time you say "Stephanie," we, um You're teaching my daughters a drinking game? Uh, hello? They're just about 'tweens.
Impressive.
- Right? - Lemonade shooters.
And why, may I ask, is "Stephanie" the go-to word? - That counts! - [Ricky laughs.]
Bro, you say her name a lot.
Really? I-I don't think I do.
Maybe I do.
But it would be fun if she were here.
- Stephanie! - [all.]
: Stephanie! [glasses clacking.]
And the boy in the car says there's nothing in the woods to be afraid of.
But the girl is still scared to death.
And she starts hearing [makes a scratching noise.]
Coming from the roof of the car.
So now the boy's getting a little freaked out, too.
And then, all of a sudden, a news bulletin comes onto the radio A homicidal maniac is loose! And he has a sharp hook where his left hand should be.
So, now, the boy's freaked out.
He stomps on the gas, gets them out of the woods as fast as they can.
When he gets to the girl's house, he goes around to open her car door and on the door handle is the maniac's bloody hook.
Hah! [laughs.]
Why were they listening to the radio instead of their phones? 'Cause it's not a true story.
And I thought the hook was supposed to be in the bumper.
Okay, okay.
You don't like my lame story? You tell one.
You know? Everybody gets a shot.
The scarier, the better.
All right.
The babysitter saw the ghost of an old woman in a black dress on the staircase With the children behind her, the babysitter, trembling, faced down the ghost.
The babysitter clutched the fireplace poker, but the ghost just scowled and said, "How can you kill me when I'm already Dead!" [chuckling.]
[laughs.]
[Mirabel.]
: Okay.
Um, I got one, too.
So, there was this girl, and her family made her go to the woods and there's no phone service, so it's like the worst horror ev-er.
The girl ran, knowing the maniac wasn't far behind, and in that moment, she was so glad that she wore the cute flats and not the wedge sandals with the buckles.
But the girl couldn't run anymore.
If only her cellphone had worked, she could call the police, or the FBI, or the Army But it doesn't! So the maniac gets her! "Ahh!" [makes slicing noise.]
She bleeds all over her pretty top from Forever 21, and dies wishing no one had made her go camping in the first place.
[chuckling.]
I-I think Mirabel proved it Uh, you know, zombies, ghosts, and aliens are not nearly as scary as someone stuck without cell service.
Well, all this carnage has me hungry for s'mores.
Who's in? - Me! - Ooh, I'm in.
- Yes, I love s'mores.
- Definitely.
[.]
Oh, no.
No! Ohh! It was so close to a glorious toasted brown.
Fourth time's a charm, buddy.
I don't need ridicule from the guy who lights his like a torch.
I prefer mine charbroiled.
It's a culinary decision.
Mm Oh! Delish! So this is how he did it.
Grab it, put it in the middle then squash.
You use the Graham crackers to slide it off the stick.
That's too hard.
Don't use a fork! That's wrong! You said that you wanted to know all about the other camping trips, so I'm telling you how we made s'mores on the other camping trips.
Mirabel, it's no big deal.
No! That's not how Mom would do it! [sighs quietly.]
[.]
I didn't mean to upset her.
No, it's not your fault.
[.]
Hey.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
I miss her, too.
[sobs.]
I just I hate being here without her.
And I knew I would, but you just You pushed and you pushed.
I did.
And I was wrong.
I [sighs.]
I thought this would be good for us.
Sometimes, Dad, you need to leave the past behind and move on.
[sighing deeply.]
You're a very smart girl.
So I'm told.
[sighs shakily.]
I'm so sorry, Mirabel.
I didn't realize how hard this would be for you.
I just remember every little moment and I know that Gigi and Elisa don't [sobs.]
But Everything reminds me of her.
I can't pretend to have fun here, and I can't pretend to even want to be here at all.
It just all makes me really sad.
Maybe it's time to make some new memories.
For me these memories are comforting.
I'm sorry I ruined your trip.
You didn't.
This, right here? Well, this has been the [chuckles.]
Best thing that's happened so far this weekend.
Hanging out with you.
I love you, Daddy.
Can we go home now? [laughs.]
First thing in the morning, we're gone.
[both laugh.]
Got room for a marshmallow? - Yes, I do.
- All right! [.]
Do I smell pancakes and bacon? Mirabel, you rock! I do, indeed, rock.
See how it's bubbling on the edge? Go ahead and flip.
Mom also liked to put a sprinkle of cinnamon on the top while they were still cooking.
Thanks for doing this for Gigi.
It's for all of us.
All right.
To vacation.
To new vacations in the future.
I'll drink to that.
Oh, boy, I sure hope you're not charging for those, because I lost all my money to the short kid at poker.
Sit.
[Todd laughs and sniffs deeply.]
Mm! Cinnamon-y goodness.
Mom's secret ingredient.
I always have a cereal-chaser with my pancakes.
Pass the milk.
- There you go.
- Thank you.
Mm! Thank you, girls.
I mean, this is a terrific surprise.
This isn't the only surprise.
Oh, really? - [Elisa.]
: This way.
- [Ricky.]
: Okay I feel like we're walking too fast now.
Okay.
All right.
We've been walking for a while.
We haven't reached the county line, right? Patience, Daddy.
Okay, turn.
I have patience.
Okay? Are we here? We're here? What is it? There's one thing I know I'm right where You found it! We got up super-early and came looking.
You did all this this morning? We found a picture of you and Mom in the camp office.
There was a landmark that enabled us to find the tree.
[.]
Thank you.
Come here! [sighing contentedly.]
Civilization.
Oh, come on.
Ohh.
Everyone grab something.
Okay, never mind.
Your family vacations are intense.
Don't ask me again.
You know what, why don't you go for a nap? I'll help you with the bags later.
- Really? - No, not really.
Hey, uh I'm gonna go check in at the gym.
I'll be back in an hour with pizza for dinner.
- Okay.
- Wait.
Uh You checking on the gym, or Stephanie? [sighs tentatively.]
It pains me deeply to say it, but you made me think.
I-I do talk about her a lot.
Maybe I think about her a lot, too.
More than I admit.
Life is now, bro.
You just gotta do it, okay? With no fear.
Look at you with the wisdom.
I'm not just a pretty face.
That's true.
That's true.
Ah, the gym closes at 7:00 on Sundays.
She's home I'm going over.
- My man! - Yeah! Ow! - Oh! Sorry about that.
- It's all right.
It's all right.
[.]
Go get her! [.]
[knocks.]
Boss man! How was the trip? I-It was great, yeah.
I, um, I just came to see Stephanie.
O-Obviously, since this is her apartment.
I, uh I-I-I should have called.
Ah, Stephanie's in the shower.
We just had a bit of an Olympics.
Whew.
That girl has stamina.
[awkward chuckle.]
Want to come in and wait? No.
Uh no.
I'll see her tomorrow at work.
And you don't need to tell her I came by.
You got it.
[.]
[Mirabel laughing.]
Oh! They said that about me? No! [dishes rattle in sink.]
What else did they say about me? [Mirabel laughs as a text alert chimes.]
Oh, wait.
Hold on.
Yeah, sorry.
I'm getting, like, forty-hundred texts right now.
'Kay.
Talk later.
So, it turns out that I was the hit of the party.
- But you weren't there.
- Exactly.
Since no one could reach me, it made me all mysterious.
So now you're more popular for not showing up? Let that be a lesson.
You don't want to appear too overexposed or too eager.
[phone rings.]
Hello? Yeah, that's right.
Sometimes, I just go off the grid.
What's all that? Mom used to keep scrapbooks.
She'd put in pictures, birthday party invitations there's even a lock of my baby hair taped in one.
I think she'd like me to keep up the tradition.
I love scrapbooking.
It's like Pinterest with paper.
And this leaf is from the Cooper tree.
Oh wow.
This is lovely.
Really.
[Mirabel.]
: Hey, Papi.
Hey.
'Cause I'm right where I want to be Let's move this aside and have some pizza.
Good plan.
Onward.
Yeah.
That I'm right where I want to be