Dating Rules From My Future Self (2012) s01e09 Episode Script

Chapter Nine: U Can Get It If U Really Want

[ UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS .]
[ WHISTLING MUSICALLY .]
Amanda: HOW DO YOU FEEL, LUCY? TONIGHT'S YOUR BIG NIGHT WITH DAVE.
Lucy: I-I'VE NEVER FELT THIS, LIKE, EXCITED OR NERVOUS ABOUT ANYTHING BEFORE.
I MEAN, THAT'S A GOOD SIGN, RIGHT? NO.
DON'T ANSWER THAT.
I KNOW IT'S A GOOD SIGN.
I KNOW I'M MAKING THE RIGHT CHOICE FOR ONCE.
Kelcey: WELL, THE BOY MAKES A TASTY PASTRY.
CAN'T ARGUE WITH THAT.
Amanda: WHAT ABOUT THE FACT THAT HE'S BRENDAN'S ROOMMATE? I DON'T REALLY THINK IT'S THAT BIG OF A DEAL, BECAUSE I RAN INTO BRENDAN MAKING OUT WITH THE NEW V.
P.
IN THE SUPPLY CLOSET.
-Kelcey: HOLD THE PHONE.
-Amanda: HUH? Kelcey: SHUT THE GATE.
STOP THE BUS.
Amanda: W-WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US? Lucy: I JUST DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING BECAUSE Kelcey: BECAUSE? Lucy: I WAS EMBARRASSED AND Amanda: OH.
Lucy: MY FEELINGS WERE HURT.
Amanda: WHO KNEW BRENDAN WAS SUCH A MAN SLUT? Lucy: HEY, TO BE FAIR, I DID SLEEP WITH SORBET, SOOKAY? Kelcey: BUT NOT IN A SUPPLY CLOSET.
I HAVE TO SAY, THOUGH, LUCE, I AM PROUD OF YOU.
YOU CONFRONTED LIFE, AND NOW YOU'RE GOING ON A DATE WITH SOMEONE WHO YOU THOUGHT WAS OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE.
IT'S AMAZING WHAT YOU CAN ACCOMPLISH WHEN YOU PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN.
Lucy: MY PHONE? WAIT, YOU FOUND IT? Amanda: SHE STOLE IT.
Kelcey: YOU HAD A PROBLEM.
IT WAS AN INTERVENTION.
Lucy: YOU STOLE MY PHONE, AND I HAVE A PROBLEM? Kelcey: I MEAN, EVER SINCE YOU'VE CALLED OFF THE ENGAGEMENT, YOU'VE JUST BEEN OBSESSED WITH TECHNOLOGY TO AVOID GETTING HURT AGAIN, BUT I THINK THAT, THANKS TO MY INTERVENTION, YOU LEARNED A VALUABLE LESSON.
Amanda: IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S A PERSON.
YOU CAN PLUG IT IN.
[ LAUGHS .]
ALL RIGHT.
I AM OFF TO MY SHOOT.
WISH ME LUCK.
PAJEGA JEGGINGS.
AH! Kelcey: BREAK A LEG.
[ LAUGHS .]
Lucy: WHAT THE HELL? [ SIGHS .]
WOW! DID YOU STEAL THAT FROM THE COSTUME CLOSET, OR DID THEY GIVE THAT ONE TO YOU? Amanda: YOU THINK I WANT THIS? I DON'T.
I DON'T WANT THIS.
Lucy: SO IT WENT WELL.
Amanda: MY AGENT TOLD ME THAT I WAS CAS AS WOMAN NUMBER 3, THE TEENAGER.
AND THEN, WHEN I GOT THERE, I WAS CAST AS WOMANNUMBER 2.
Lucy: 2 SEEMS BETTER THAN 3, SO -- Amanda: 2 IS THE MOM, LUCY! I WAS CAST AS THE MOTHER! Lucy: BUT YOU'RE WORLD'S NUMBER-1 MOM, SO -- Amanda: YOU'RE NOT HELPING.
WHERE'S KELCEY? Lucy: YOU THINK KELCEY'S GONNA MAKE THIS BETTER? SHE'S IN CLASS, AND I'M ON MY WAY OUT, BUT -- Amanda: OH, YOUR -- YOUR DATE WITH DAVE.
-Lucy: YEAH.
-Amanda: YOU SHOULD GO.
YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL.
YOU DID YOUR FACE SO PRETTY.
[ SNIFFLES .]
DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME.
Lucy: I-I CAN STAY FOR A MINUTE.
ARE YOU SURE? -Amanda: NO.
-Lucy: OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? HERE, HERE, HERE.
LISTEN, I CAN STAY.
Amanda: NO, IT'S MY FAULT.
IT IS MY FAULT THAT I AM OLD AND I AM UGLY AND THAT I AM STUCK IN THESE STUPID PAJEGA JEANS! [ SNIFFLES .]
YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO AN INGENUE WHEN SHE G-GROWS OLD, LUCY? SHE FADES INTO OBSCURITY.
Lucy: CAN I BORROW YOUR PHONE? MINE'S DEAD.
Amanda: DEAD LIKE MY CAREER.
SNUFFED OUT BEFORE IT EVEN GOT A CHANCE TO BEGIN.
Lucy: YOU DON'T HAVE DAVE'S NUMBER.
[ GASPS .]
I COULD CALL SPATULA.
Amanda: SNUFFED OUT BEFORE I EVER EVEN GOT TO DO A SNUFF FILM.
Lucy: I GUESS YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT A SNUFF FILM IS.
Amanda: IT'S A TEARJERKER.
Lucy: NO ONE'S ANSWERING.
Amanda: A MOVIE THAT GIVES YOU THE SNUFFLES.
[ CELLPHONE BEEPS .]
REMEMBER WHEN WE WERE FRESHMEN IN COLLEGE AND WE WERE SO PERFECT AND YOUNG.
WE WERE SO YOUNG! Lucy: NO, WE'RE STILL YOUNG.
Amanda: [ GROANS .]
I WAS SO HARD ON MYSELF.
I JUST -- I WISH I KNEW HOW GOOD I HAD IT.
Lucy: YEAH, I MEAN, THAT'S THE THING, RIGHT? YOU KNOW, IN 10 YEARS, WE'RE GONNA LOOK BACK ON THE WAY WE ARE NOW, AND WE'RE GONNA SAY, "WHAT WERE WE COMPLAINING ABOUT THEN?" RIGHT? LIKE, WE HAD SO MUCH POTENTIAL, AND WE JUST WASTED IT WISHING WE WERE SOMETHING ELSE.
YOU KNOW WHAT OUR NEW MANTRA SHOULD BE? Amanda: HMM? Lucy: RIGHT NOW IS THE BEST MOMENT OF OUR LIFE.
Amanda: OH, THAT IS DEPRESSING.
Lucy: WHAT? Amanda: IF NOW IS THE BEST MOMENT, -THEN WHAT DOES THAT MAKE NOW? -Lucy: THE BEST MOMENT.
Amanda: OKAY, SO, IF NOW IS ALWAYS THE BEST, THEN NOW IS THE BEST, SO WAIT FOR IT.
Lucy: [ LAUGHS .]
Amanda: NOW IS THE BEST.
Lucy: YEAH! I THINK YOU GOT IT.
[ DOOR OPENS, CLOSES .]
Amanda: WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ME PLAYING A MOM? Kelcey: LUCY, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HOME? -WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR DATE? -Lucy: OH, NO, NO, NO.
I'M GOING.
I'M GOING.
I'M GOING.
I'M OUT THE DOOR.
-Amanda: GET IT.
-Kelcey: BONK THAT ASS.
Lucy: BYE.
Kelcey: NICE SWEATSHIRT.
Amanda: [ SIGHS .]
THANKS.
[ ROCK MUSIC PLAYS .]
Lucy: COME ON.
COME ON, COME ON, COME ON.
[ TIRES SCREECH .]
[ SOFT MUSIC PLAYS .]
Dave: YOU SHOWED.
Lucy: YEAH.
I'M SO SORRY I'M LATE.
AMANDA HAD THIS CRISIS, AND MY PHONE DIED, BUT I TRIED CALLING THE RESTAURANT, AND, UM DID YOU CLOSE DOWN THE WHOLE RESTAURANT FOR OUR DATE? Dave: [ CHUCKLES .]
OH, MY GOD.
THAT MUST HAVE COST YOU A FORTUNE.
I -- Dave: I ADMIT, WHEN I THOUGHT YOU WERE STANDING ME UP, I WAS HAVING SERIOUS REGRETS.
Lucy: OH, NO.
Dave: BUT NOW IT WAS ALL WORTH IT.
UNFORTUNATELY, THE FOOD IS COLD.
Lucy: NO, YOU KNOW WHAT? IT'S OKAY.
I CAN'T REALLY EVEN EAT WHEN I'M NERVOUS, SO -- Dave: WELL, I CAN'T COOK WHEN I'M NERVOUS.
THAT -- THAT'S TAKEOUT.
-Lucy: YOU GOT TAKEOUT? -Dave: YEAH.
Lucy: YOU'RE, LIKE, THE HOTTEST CHEF IN L.
A.
I MEANT TO SAY THAT YOU WERE THE BEST CULINARY CHEF, -AND I -- I -- YEAH.
-Dave: BUT, SEE, THAT RIGHT THERE -- THAT'S WHAT I WAS LIKE IN THE KITCHEN.
BUT STUMBLING OVER WORDS IS A LOT SAFER THAN SLIPPING WITH A CHOPPING KNIFE.
Lucy: OH, NO.
Dave: I MEAN, I CAN COOK FOR A CROWD OF HUNGRY, HUNGRY HIPSTERS NO PROBLEM, BUT WHEN I STARTED THINKING ABOUT YOU AND WHAT YOU MIGHT LIKE, WHAT YOU MIGHT HATE, I STARTED DOUBTING MYSELF.
Lucy: NEVER DO THAT.
I MEAN, I'VE BEEN DOUBTING MYSELF LIKE CRAZY, BUT, YOU KNOW, I'M -- I'M LEARNING TO TRUST MY INSTINCTS.
Dave: WHAT ARE THEY TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW? [ INDISTINCT CONVERSATION .]
-Lucy: THANK YOU SO MUCH.
-Man: THANK YOU.
Lucy: I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.
-Man: THANK YOU.
-Lucy: THANK YOU.
[ SIGHS .]
-Vincent: HEY.
-Lucy: HEY.
Vincent: WHAT WERE YOU TALKING ABOUT IN THERE? -YOU'RE NOT QUITTING.
-Lucy: NO.
I AM APPLYING FOR THE GAME-DESIGNER POSITION.
-YEAH.
-Vincent: THAT'S GREAT.
Brendan: YOU'RE DOING WHAT? YOU KNOW THAT POSITION IS FOR MY TEAM, RIGHT, THAT YOU'D BE WORKING DIRECTLY WITH ME? I KNOW YOU'RE UPSET WITH NOELLE FOR DEVELOPING YOUR APP WITHOUT YOU, BUT -- Lucy: YOU KNOW WHAT, BRENDAN? JUST KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON.
[ SLOW MUSIC PLAYS .]
Vincent: THAT'S GOOD ADVICE.
[ CELLPHONE BEEPS .]
Lucy: LISTEN TO NEW TEXTS.
Siri: 58 MISSED TEXTS FROM UNKNOWN.
Lucy: WHAT?! OKAY.
NO.
SEND TEXT TO UNKNOWN.
MY PHONE WAS STOLEN.
THEN IT DIED.
WHAT'D I MISS? Siri: NEW TEXT FROM UNKNOWN -- HOW DID IT GO WITH DAVE? Lucy: PERFECTLY.
AND I WANTED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING THAT I LEARNED RECENTLY -- NOW IS THE BEST MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE.
-Siri: SO, IT WENT WELL, THEN? -Lucy: [ SIGHS .]
NO, I MEAN NOW IS THE BEST MOMENT -- YOUR NOW.
THAT'S MY ADVICE TO YOU.
TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT.
Siri: I'LL TAKE IT.
[ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS, WHISTLING MUSICALLY .]

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