Deadbeat (2014) s01e09 Episode Script

Previously, on Deadbeat.
- All right, try it now.
- Testes, one, two, three.
- Good.
- That sounded good.
Ah! Oh! Are you seeing any ghosts right now? No.
Steve Myer is the mayor of New York.
I asked him, I said, "yo, what's taking so freaking long with the Second Ave.
Subway line?" He says the workers don't want to work because it might be haunted.
We elected a Mayor Myer? - Shaky legs.
Knock it off.
- Sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm just nervous about the $10,000, Roofie.
It could change my life, man.
Kevin Pacalioglu and Rufus Jones? Rufus? Yeah, that's my name.
Mayor Myer will see you now.
Very good.
Hey, look, man.
Be be cool.
I know how you get around authority types.
Oh, gentlemen.
Welcome.
Good to see you again, Mr.
Mayor.
Your excellency.
Please be seated.
As you both know, the election is coming up.
And I intend to win.
- Ha-ha.
- You see, new yorkers, they like progress.
And the premise of my proposed programs has been the production of prolonged projects.
That's literally my promise.
The promise of progress.
You're kind of blowing my mind right now.
And the icon of this campaign has become the completion of the Second Avenue subway line.
But now, after the recent cave-in, the workers are refusing to finish the job.
They are scared to go down there.
Uh, and you think it's haunted? Well, some would say that the subway tunnel is haunted.
I personally would not go on record saying as much.
Yesterday you told me you needed a medium.
No, no, no, no, no.
That was just a casual conversation amongst friends.
And that reminds me, how is it that you two know each other? Are you friends? Uh yeah, yeah.
Well, yes.
Also, Roofie is my drug Counselor.
I'm his drug counselor.
Not him.
You know, he has a trouble niece.
I counsel her with the See, I love helping kids.
Just like he loves helping ghosts.
How does that work, exactly? Helping ghosts? Oh, well, you know, I just, uh I sort of find the ghosts' unfinished business and I just finish it.
Kind of like what you're doing with the Second Avenue subway line.
Ah.
Yes.
All right, all right, all right, all right! Oh! Happy, man.
Congratulations on yourself.
I know.
Roofie, I'm gonna exorcise the living - Out of that subway station.
- I know you are, man.
- Look, I'm proud of you.
- Thanks, dad.
Wait, dad? Did you just call me dad? - What? - You just called me dad.
No, I wouldn't call you dad.
Hey, you want to get stoned and go watch that new Camomile White exercise DVD? - Sound like a good idea, my white son.
- All right.
Sue, remind me, what is this ridiculous charity that we're going to again? Oh, it's for survivors of people who claim they've been raped by ghosts.
Right.
Uh, take out my speech.
Oh.
Um What? What? What the hell is that? Is that a goldfish? Oh, actually, she's a carp.
Her name's Barbara.
She doesn't look as though she's doing too well.
I found her in a puddle.
She's a rescue.
A puddle? She's probably riddled with disease.
We can't look after a riddled-with-disease goldfish.
Oh, I found her.
I don't mind taking care of her.
- I love fish.
- Fine, Sue.
Don't you worry.
I know exactly what do to.
Oh, no! No! Oh, relax, relax.
This leads all the way out to the river.
It's fine.
Come on.
Bloody come on.
Come on.
That's the subway.
That doesn't lead to water.
Come on.
This is where it all goes down.
Stuff moving around, electrical surges.
And as you probably heard a few days ago, the cave-in.
Uh-huh.
So you think it's a ghost and not just the tunnel, like, settling? No.
For my money, I think the tunnel is being haunted by one of my guys.
- Oh.
- Mikey O'Schmidt.
He had an accident a few months back, and he didn't make it.
The thing is, Mikey's a good worker.
A real stand-up guy, you know.
So why he would be causing trouble, I have no idea.
It beats me.
Anyway, nobody'll go past here.
Yeah.
Who knows? Maybe he just had a thing for deep, dark holes.
Yeah, all right.
Then why don't you get to it, okay? - Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, you'll find your way.
- Okay.
- This place give me the creeps.
Yeah.
"Herro"? Hey.
Uh, hey, construction worker guy.
Hey, Mikey O'Schmidt? - Hey, hey! - Hey! No civilians down here.
It's a liability.
No, no, I'm not a civilian.
I'm a medium.
- I'm here to help you.
- All right, tell you what.
My shift ends in an hour.
Why don't you meet me up on the street level.
No, no, no.
What are you talking about? There's no there's no shift.
Haven't you noticed there's nobody else down here? You haven't heard? The other guys think this place is kind of haunted.
You know, I overheard some of them talk about the equipment turning on by itself.
These rocks floating around like this.
Oh.
Uh-oh.
You believe that or what? - Oh, my God.
- What? You're a ghost who doesn't know he's a ghost.
What did you just say to me? How'd you get down here anyway? What are you, some kind of hobo or something? Yo, I don't suck pa-chank.
I said hobo.
- Oh.
- Why don't you get out of here before I rip off your pa-chank and stick it up your pacino.
Mike, I'm gonna tell you something.
You're a dead man.
Now you're threatening me? - No, that came out wrong.
- Nobody, nobody threatens Mikey O'Schmidt.
Now, get the hell out of here.
Yeah, yeah, okay.
No, stop eating the newspapers, you little piggy.
I need those.
They're delicious.
What is this? What are you eating? Oh, my God.
This is the obituary I've been looking for.
You ate everything except for the part I need for my case.
Well, it's a good thing I stopped you.
Okay.
Look, Mikey.
Hey, hey.
No civilians down here.
It's a liability.
No, I'm the I'm the guy from earlier.
The medium, remember? Anyway, I just came down here to show you this newspaper clipping.
You're gonna get a kick tell you what.
My shift ends in an hour.
Why don't you meet me up on the street level.
What are you talking about, man? Stop dicking around.
I got something I want to show you.
What is wrong with you? Do you have old-timer's disease or what? What did you say to me? How'd you get down here anyway? Are you some kind of hobo or something? Uh, excuse me.
- Hey, Mikey O'Schmidt.
- Hey, hey, hey! No civilians down here.
It's a liability.
Oh, boy.
Barkeep, can I have another one, please? And, uh, go ahead and leave the bottle.
Yeah, we don't really do that here.
No, but it's in all those movies, though, so yeah, but it's not like a real thing.
If you want another drink, I'll pour you another drink.
It's just, you know, the bottle, - there's no way to regular it.
- All right.
Yeah, fair enough.
Sue? Oh, my God.
Hi.
Are you, like, uh, sobbing? No, I'm just weeping.
Oh.
What about? Life.
Death.
Camomile.
Ah, been there.
Here, here, why don't you wipe your face off.
You look like a little street rat.
Thanks.
May I? Yeah.
What's all this about? Oh, nothing.
It's a case I'm working on.
This ghost that doesn't know he's dead.
Oh.
How does that work? The way someone is in death is very similar to the way someone is in life.
You know, and like this Mikey ghost, he's a macho construction worker type of guy that never would admit that he got hurt.
- So is denial carried over? - Yeah.
I I just need to make him understand that he's dead.
But this Mikey ghost, he's on some sort of, like, ghostal loop.
Every time I go to talk to him about his death he just keeps resetting, like he's never even met me.
- Huh.
- It's it's bizarre.
I've never seen anything like it before.
He I shouldn't be boring you with this.
Are you kidding? I love talking about this ghost stuff.
If I talk to Camomile about it, she'd just berate me senseless.
She's mean, isn't she? In a weird way, it's her evilness that draws me to her most.
Yes.
I think I have the exact same thing.
It's like a shame boner.
I get a shame boner around her.
Yeah, me too.
But but not that.
Yeah, the lady version of that.
Yeah.
What's wrong with us? There's nothing wrong with us.
We're we're normal.
She's nuts.
You know what? Matter of fact, Camomile.
Yeah, her.
her right in the asshole.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
I am so glad that I ran into you here.
I I needed a distraction from this.
This is making me bonkers.
Wait.
Maybe that's it.
Maybe you don't need to break the loop.
Maybe you just need to distract him from the loop long enough to get through to him.
Well, how would I do that? You said he's a New York City construction worker.
- Yeah.
- You literally just need a pretty girl.
A pretty girl? Will you do it? Me? You think I'm pretty? Yeah.
You're pretty enough for this guy.
How would you like to get really drunk with me? Like, the most drunk you've ever gotten in your entire life.
- It's on me.
- I would love that.
- Yes.
- Yes.
Yeah.
Barkeep.
If you buying out the bar Put your drinks up You a superstar, kid Shine your links up You better watch out for us We on the brink of extinction Take a deep breath don't stress Let it sink in Okay.
I have to tell you something.
I have to tell you this.
This is between you and me, but this job I'm doing right now is for the mayor of New York City.
And if I do it right, it will bring me glory and riches beyond my wildest dreams.
And when I get paid, I want to come back for you.
I'm gonna rescue you from Camomile forever.
And I can be your assistant.
No! We can be each other's assistants.
All right.
More money.
More pictures.
Whoo! A lot of noise for a man who doesn't exist.
- Hey! - Hey, uh, I know.
Civilized liability.
I get it.
But guess what? It's different this time, because I brought a pretty girl with me, and she's gonna be coming any minute.
Yeah, well, if it's her I'll be coming any minute too.
Hello, Kevin.
What are you? What are you doing here? You're kidding me, right? I'm here for the subway job.
How did you even know about the? Sue.
Uh, pardon me, uh, your excellency.
Well, this is awkward.
Ahem, miss White here called late last night, and she expressed an interest in helping out.
And since I hadn't heard from you, I thought, you know, you're having difficulties finishing the job.
- No.
- So here we are.
It's just I have more experience with these type of high-profile jobs.
High-profile? No, you said you didn't want to go on record hiring a medium.
I did not go on record about that.
Besides, miss Camomile White is the most respected spiritualist in the world, so - Is she? - It's kind of a no-brainer.
- You're kind of a no-brainer! - Brilliant.
I'm sorry, Kevin.
This is business.
And to compensate for your time, here.
It's the key to the city.
It's chocolate.
Let me jockey for position.
Excuse me? You say this is all just business? Let me jockey for position, then.
Me versus Camomile.
Mano a womano.
May the best medium win.
Okay, okay, we can do that.
- What? - Yes! The two mediums who enter the tunnel, whoever gets rid of the ghost - gets the $10,000 fee.
- Yes.
We'll call all the news outlets and make a big deal out of it.
I just have to say sir.
For me, it's not even about money.
I just truly believe in your administration, and I just really want to make this subway project work.
Yeah, and for me, sir, I would really like to say that it is just about beating her.
And the money, obviously.
Also, a little press never hurts.
I have a meeting.
Excuse me.
- Thank you, sir.
- Good luck to you both.
Very good, your majesty.
Thank you.
I get to keep this? Guess so.
This should be interesting.
You ready to lose? Oh, I was born ready.
Did everybody bring an egg like I asked you to? Okay, can I borrow off you? Eggs represent the tender area between life and non-life.
Cracking these eggs on various rocks around the tunnel will determine where the spirit resides.
Bull snot.
That is baloney of the grade-A variety.
Mike O'Schmidt the ghost is standing right next to me.
Right here.
No, he is.
He's standing right here, leaning off this post.
Yeah, as a matter of fact, he's saying he says, "Camomile, you can get some sausage with your eggs.
" Bada-bing.
Yeah, there's more.
Hold on, there's more.
He says, "is Camomile a vegetarian? Because No, I'm not gonna say that.
Well, come on.
What is he saying? He knows another way that you can get some protein in you.
He did that, not me.
Yeah, that does sound like Mikey.
This is insane.
He's putting on a ventriloquist act to take jabs at me.
You want us to believe that Mikey's standing there next to you? - Yes.
- Make him actually do something.
- All right, I will.
- Do it.
Piece of cake.
Uh, Mikey, why don't you grab your pickax and smash something.
- Come on.
You serious? - Smash a rock.
Smash a rock.
Show Camomile how much of a man you are.
Come on.
- Come on, do it.
Yeah.
- All right.
He's going to do it for her.
Watch out.
I got this.
- Stand back.
- Yeah, yeah.
Was that you? - I didn't do that.
- Hold on a minute.
Okay, everybody just calm down.
Take a breath.
Stay calm.
Stay there.
I have a feeling - What is that? - Just as I suspected.
A detonation device.
No.
He must have planted that there earlier for this very use.
No, that no, that's nof mine.
That is not my detonator.
Smoke and mirrors, folks.
Smoke and mirrors.
Please ignore this insensitive distraction, and join me now in holding hands.
And let's send Mikey into the light with honor.
- No.
- Everybody come together.
All together, please.
Hold hands.
- Oh, my - Concentrate.
Close your eyes.
Mikey O'Schmidt, hear our voices.
- You actually buying this? - I'm right here.
This place is no longer for you.
- Leave this place.
Move into the light.
- Tony! Roberto.
Come on, guys.
Mikey, O'Schmidt, a higher power commands you Leave this place! Send him the message with your mind.
- Tell him to leave this place.
- What's happening? - What's happening? - I tried to tell you, Mikey, a bunch of times.
You got into an accident.
Look.
Oh, no.
I don't think it was an accident.
Yes, it was.
It was an accident.
No.
There was something else down here.
It's something big, it's something powerful.
It's it's something.
That did that? - What? - You got a giant head wound.
- What did that to your head? - I don't know Mikey O'Schmidt, move into the light.
Your light is waiting.
- No, no, no, Mikey.
- Something's here.
- And may your light - You were right.
Mike, tell me what you're talking about.
- Shine bright.
- I gotta go.
Hey, Mikey.
No, no, no.
The exorcism has worked.
Mikey has passed into the light.
Yes, yeah, yeah.
Mikey, he moved on.
But that was coincidentally.
That was a coincidence.
She didn't do that.
Listen, guys.
There's something here.
There's something here.
Something scary, something more powerful than I thought.
No, it's not it's not funny.
I'm not kidding.
He had a giant brain gash.
Guys, I'm not lying.
That's probably what messed up his memory.
- That's what put him on the - Lies.
Lies.
He's clearly making this up because he's a sore loser.
I'm not lying! Fraud.
Sue, the recording.
A few weeks ago I met up with Mr.
Pacalioglu to discuss our respective abilities.
Sue, hit play.
Press Sue.
Just be honest.
Are you like me? Can you actually see ghosts? - No.
- Have you ever seen a ghost in your life? I mean, please.
- It's important.
- No.
I have never seen a ghost.
I don't even know how that would work that could that could be anybody on there.
I really want to believe in you, Mr.
Paclogaloogie.
Oh, uh, close.
Mr.
Pacalioglu.
Uh, I mean, at least I think it is.
I never met my parents.
Your business is finished.
I think maybe I can supply you with some footage if you need it.
Then wasn't made to live alone That's why I have my end Whenever I close My eyes They're all I can see Go on, get out of here.
Shoo.
Go.
Go, get out of here.
You too Blob.
What do you want? You want to sit around and eat junk food all day? Go do it somewhere else.
Get lost.
Just go.
But which one am I? The man or the one behind the mask? Did you get them all? Oh, you missed one.
Okay, I think that's the last one.
Uh, I think we should probably get going.
You know, Sue, I have to say you've been on very thin ice with me lately.
But I really quite fancied that glam stunt.
Yeah, about that you know, I I was under the impression that just one single overhead light was going to explode.
But actually the shock on my face really played.
Yes, but I I just wanted to let you know that you are back onto ice of regular thickness.
Miss white, please, I have to confess something.
I didn't rig those headlamps to explode.
What? I think Kevin is right.
Be very careful what you say next.
I have to come clean.
I believe in ghosts.
I believe in Kevin.
I think that that Mikey guy was actually here as a ghost.
And I think there's something else in this cave.
Something powerful.
Oh, there is something powerful here, Sue.
And that something needs a new assistant.
Do you get where I'm going with this, Sue? That ice that I was talking about earlier not just cracked.
Melted.
And has no place in the paranormal enterprise that is Camomile White.
I think we're making a mistake.