Elsbeth (2024) s01e09 Episode Script
Sweet Justice
1
MAN: All right, let's see it.
Okay.
No. How many ounces of
gin did you use in that?
Two, maybe. I eyeballed it.
You eyeballed it.
[SCOFFS] You're not pulling
a handle at a soda fountain.
This is an $80 martini.
It requires precision.
Look, Dion, that's Charlie over there.
He just had a hard day
at work on Wall Street.
He wants to taste the elderflowers.
He wants that hint of
that saffron botanical.
Yeah. I'm sorry. I'll work on it.
- [DOOR OPENS]
- All right.
Hey. There's our girl.
You're early. Are we celebrating?
Hey, Dion. Can you get
the lady her usual?
Yep.
[SIGHS]
What happened? Tell me everything.
- I totally blew it.
- No. Come on.
After all those practice interviews?
And when I got in there, I froze.
The only coherent thing I said
was how much I loved
the jingle in their IBS ad.
Okay, slow down. I'm sure
it's not as bad as you think.
It was that stupid notification.
It derailed me.
- What notification?
- So, before the interview,
I was looking at my phone
and Facebook suggested I friend
the worst person in the world,
Gemma Nelson.
- Who?
- My college roommate freshman year,
who made my life a living hell.
What was so bad about her?
Gemma Nelson was a she-devil.
She stole my journal,
read it out loud to the dining hall,
made fun of my dreams of being a writer.
- DION: Sounds like a total bitch.
- I'm sorry, do you mind?
This is actually between me and Ivy.
Thank you.
Wait, why didn't you report her?
I did. And then she started
posting photos of me online.
Coming out of the shower,
eating chips when I was on the toilet.
The one time.
Everyone started calling me Nacho Girl.
It was awful.
But her parents were huge
donors to the school.
It doesn't give her a
right to harass you.
Finally, I dropped out.
And now I can't even land a
job at a third-tier ad agency.
Guess she was right.
I am a loser.
No.
This Gemma Nelson
I have to believe she
got her comeuppance.
- Karma's a bitch.
- Karma?
- Yeah.
- She's now an entrepreneur.
The SheEO of Tykoons.
- Ty-what?
- It's a children's clothing company.
They sells designer baby shoes for $500.
I mean, who wants to spend that
kind of money on baby shoes?
Uh, the same people
who drink $80 martinis?
Hey, watch it.
Yeah, she's got a cute boyfriend,
and hangs out with
rappers and influencers.
Face it, Joe. Evil people win.
It didn't use to be that way.
If you did someone wrong,
there were consequences.
If only everyone was like you, Joe.
Keep 'em coming.
Well, good thing you live above the bar.
Mm-hmm.
Wait, don't you have a train
to catch in the morning?
[GROANS] That's right.
To see my sister's perfect new baby.
Just what I need.
Yeah, maybe I won't come back.
This is Gemma's city.
I'll never be able to do anything here.
No. Listen.
The universe has ways
of righting itself.
Even with people like Gemma Nelson.
You'll see.
There is justice in this world.
Thank you for taking care of me.
I take care of all my customers,
- even the ones I never charge.
- [CHUCKLES]
Now, I am gonna knock on
this door in the morning
to make sure you make that train,
- and you better answer.
- Yes, sir.
Okay.
- Bye.
- Bye.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
♪
[LINE RINGS]
- IVY: Joe?
- Hey, Ivy, it's me.
- It's kind of late. Everything okay?
- Yeah, everything's fine.
Just wanted to make sure
you weren't too hungover
when you got to your sister's.
Yeah, I was pretty wasted
last night, thanks to you.
But my little niece's
crying sobered me up.
Oh, well, make sure you
post some baby pics.
Those always get major likes.
I will.
Thanks for checking in.
You sleep tight.
♪
♪
This is for Ivy Benson.
[GRUNTING]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
It's kind of eerie, isn't it?
She looks so peaceful.
Yeah. Dead people usually do.
BOBBY: Ms. Tascioni.
I'm afraid you're gonna
find this case a little dull.
Oh. [SHORT CHUCKLE] Murder's never dull.
Well, this one's pretty clear-cut.
An intruder broke in and,
uh, strangled the victim,
whose name is, uh, Gemma
Nelson, in her own bed.
Any, uh, physical evidence?
We got a possible shoe print, but
the scene is still being processed.
And if you're gonna tell me how
much you like my tie, save it.
Oh. No, I wasn't.
I've seen that tie so many times now.
- I do still like it, though.
- No, I will not step back. I live here.
- This is my apartment.
- Whoa! Who are you?
Gemma Nelson. Who the hell should I be?
Then who is that?
- Jane Dunhill. She was staying here.
- What
Ma'am, you're gonna
have to wait outside.
- Is she dead?
- There was a break-in.
So, somebody killed her? In my bed?
That's perfect. And is she
wearing my sweater?
- Brad!
- BRAD: I-I told her to stay
in the guest room on the futon,
but I guess she liked this better.
- Is she a friend of yours?
- No, please.
- As if.
- We did a house swap.
GEMMA: My genius boyfriend
bought her story
about wanting to experience the big city
and get away from her
husband or whatever,
- and I stupidly let Julie stay
- Jane.
Jane Dumb Hick stay here,
and in exchange,
we stayed in some dump
- in the middle of Iowa.
- Indiana.
One night and I was done.
I thought it'd be nice for Gemma
to take a break from the hustle
and bustle and experience a small town
- like the one I grew up in.
- GEMMA: Idiot.
I knew I shouldn't have listened to you.
I guess no good deed goes unpunished.
Uh, I think Jane was the one punished.
BOBBY: You said that she wanted
to get away from her husband.
Do you think that she
was running from him?
I really don't care,
and can they not put that
dirty cart on that rug?
It's Australian sheepskin.
BOBBY: I'll get right on that.
Now, if you'll just clear
the crime scene, please.
You doing an interpretative dance
- or do you have a theory?
- Uh
I don't Yes.
Imagine this.
The killer creeps into this apartment.
- Mm-hmm.
- It's dark.
- Mm-hmm.
- Jane Dunhill is asleep
in Gemma's bed,
wearing Gemma's clothes.
[QUIETLY EXCLAIMS]
So, you're thinking the killer
intended to kill Gemma, not Jane.
Yes.
- BRAD: This is terrible.
- GEMMA: Oh, stop whining, Brad.
It's on her for not setting the alarm.
This is Manhattan, not Whoville.
You know, I think I could see
someone wanting to kill that woman.
Mm-hmm.
The question is
who?
Joe, what are you doing?
- We didn't order these.
- On the house,
made just for you.
- Ah.
- You're so good to us.
So, what are they?
I call it Sweet Justice.
♪
CELETANO: The department is
done waiting for a smoking gun.
We're moving forward.
Is that wise?
We have his signature on every document.
It's enough. All you have
to do is play it cool.
Can you do that, Ms. Tascioni?
Uh, of course. I'm cool.
Uh, thank you, sir.
Be straight with me. How bad is it?
You said you wanted to help.
I do. But if I wanted to be duplicitous
and obstruct justice,
I would have stayed a lawyer.
Well, at least tell me if there's
been any major developments.
I-I Is Celetano gonna
indict me or not?
Uh [SIGHS]
Oh!
I have something to
show you. Okay, um
- Yes.
- Paint chips?
Uh, I need to paint my bathroom,
but I can't decide which color.
Uh, but some of these names are so cool.
Like this one. "Simmer Down."
Are we still talking
about this investigation?
The thing is not everyone
likes "Simmer Down."
Some people know exactly
what they're looking for
and then they go for it.
I just don't have a paint
color called "going for it."
Meaning Celetano is
preparing an indictment.
I thought you had a plan.
- I need a way to surveil Noonan.
- [KNOCKING]
M.E. report on Jane Dunhill.
Confirms what we already
knew: she was strangled.
- The killer leave DNA?
- Uh, not enough for a profile.
What's this?
A mark?
All we got from the crime scene
was a size 11 shoe print,
sticky residue, some type
of industrial floor cleaner.
We're looking for the
husband, Mason Dunhill.
Story is she was running from him.
Maybe he found her.
[SQUEAKS, CLICKS TONGUE]
- You disagree, Ms. Tascioni?
- Here we go.
Well, the husband would
be a reasonable suspect
- if Jane was the target.
- Do you at least agree
that we should bring
him in for questioning?
Well, we got to find him first.
We did.
His credit card pinged
at a nearby hotel.
He's in New York.
Joe.
Did you hear the news?
- Somebody killed Gemma Nelson.
- Wow. That's wild.
But, you see, sweetheart,
I told you the scales have
a way of balancing out.
[PHONE RINGING]
Ivy, how's it going?
- Joe, did you hear?
- No. Hear what?
Look up Gemma Nelson.
And I just came home to find this
woman dead in my apartment.
It was traumatizing,
- even for a strong person
- Is that
Some woman got murdered
in Gemma's apartment,
in Gemma's bed,
the one night Gemma wasn't there.
I mean, how lucky can Gemma be?
And how unlucky can that other woman be?
Yeah. Yeah, that's-that's
that's terrible.
But listen, if she was
a friend of Gemma,
chances are that she's
not a good person.
Jane was the most wonderful
woman in the world.
Everybody thought so.
Her students, her fellow teachers,
the staff at the hospital
where she volunteered.
We heard that Jane didn't want you
to come with her to New York.
- Why is that?
- She'd always dreamed
- of a solo adventure in the big city.
- Solo.
- And yet here you are.
- I know what you're getting at,
- but I didn't kill her. I swear.
- Then why were you here?
[SIGHS]
When I saw Jane took most
of her clothes, I panicked.
I thought maybe she was leaving me.
So you drove to the city
and you confronted her?
I was going to, but I got lost,
and when I finally got here
she was already gone.
What's your shoe size, Mason?
- Why? I would never hurt her.
- BOBBY: Yeah, well, someone did.
Did your wife have any enemies?
- Anyone at all?
- MASON: Not one.
Maybe Jane didn't have any enemies,
but Gemma certainly did.
This is Gemma's Facebook page.
Read the comments.
Hmm. And when were these posted?
The night before the murder.
Huh.
Did you see what people wrote on
Jane Dunhill's Facebook page?
It's like a ticker tape of love.
Quit stalking that dead woman
- and help me find a new apartment.
- BRAD: Sorry.
Uh, Ms. Nelson, do you have a minute?
I'd like to ask about some comments
- posted to your social media.
- Hey! You can look.
Don't touch.
Sorry. I was just trying
to figure out what this is.
Oh. It's from our couture collection.
It's a bejeweled breast pump
in high-density PEEK plastic.
- Sexy, right?
- I mean, if that's the goal.
BOBBY: Uh, how about you read
the comments for Ms. Nelson?
Right. Uh, someone posted this
in response to a picture
of you on a sailboat.
It reads: "You are a small
and pathetic human being
who doesn't deserve to exist.
Someday you'll get what's coming,
and nothing will make me happier."
It goes on, but I think
you get the point.
Do you know the person who sent that?
An online troll? I ignore them.
Sounds like this person knows you.
Do you have a name, or
do you want me to guess?
Ivy Benson.
- Oh, God. Her?
- BRAD: You know her? Who is she?
She's my loser roommate from college.
- It sounds like a death threat.
- [LAUGHING]: Wait.
You think Ivy Benson
is trying to kill me?
No, I'm sorry.
Losers like Ivy Benson
never actually do anything.
That is what makes them losers.
Well, hurt people sometimes hurt people.
Okay.
Do you need me to do your job for you?
- It's the husband. Hello.
- BOBBY: License plate readers
caught Mason Dunhill
driving into Manhattan
after Jane was already murdered.
- So he took a train or an Uber.
- An Uber?
A shoe print found at the crime scene
indicates the killer
wore a size 11 shoe.
Jane Dunhill's husband wore a size 13.
Look, there is no way a loser
like Ivy Benson is behind this.
We'll check her out anyway.
Thanks.
Sorry.
Ivy Benson? Detective Smullen, NYPD.
JOE: Are you looking for
Ivy? She's not in town.
She's visiting family.
I hope everything's okay.
If you see her, would you let her know
that Detective Smullen
would like to speak with her?
I left my cell downstairs at the bar.
If you come down, I could try
to get Ivy on the phone for you.
- That won't be necessary.
- Well, it seems silly
- not to at least try.
- BOBBY: Knock yourselves out.
JOE: No, she didn't answer. I'm sorry.
Appreciate you trying.
This is quite the mocktails list.
Oh.
No Shirley Temple.
Please. We can do way better
than a Shirley Temple.
And I have something for you.
I'll have a Coke.
Oh, come on. The best
thing about mocktails
is that you can drink them
when you're on duty.
KAYA: [CHUCKLES] Maybe next time.
Aw. [CHUCKLES]
- Did you see that?
- Oh.
The ring? It's a bottle opener.
All bartenders use 'em.
One of the tricks of the trade.
Now, we call this
Jamboree.
Mmm. I love the color.
Oh, my gosh. This is amazing. [LAUGHS]
I am an artist.
I'm trying to tell you this.
- [LAUGHS]
- Mmm.
So, this is your bar?
I am the Joe. Yes.
What did you guys want
to speak to Ivy about?
That's not your concern.
Oh. Right.
But like I said, she's been out of town.
She took a train to Pennsylvania
Saturday morning to see
her sister's new baby.
- Good to know.
- I remember I showed the pics
she posted that night
to everyone at the bar.
This baby is adorable.
Seems like you know Ivy pretty well.
Yeah, she's a sweet girl.
Just trying to make it in the city.
I look out for her.
She's lucky to have you.
We actually were in the same
bubble during the pandemic.
Mm.
That was such an interesting time.
People became close to people
that otherwise they wouldn't be at all.
Yeah, maybe that's true,
but we actually bonded.
Sure.
Well, I I mean we'll
get to the bottom of things
when she gets back to New York.
Whoa.
I drank this a little too fast. [LAUGHS]
Uh, restroom?
Just, uh, down the hall, to the left.
♪
Seriously?
- Noonan?
- Yeah.
So, he's been taking bribes
and acting like they were for you?
And why didn't you tell me this before?
- I didn't want you to worry.
- You didn't want me to worr
This affects me too, you know.
If it's as bad as you say it is,
this scandal could ruin the foundation.
Could ruin everything.
- What it would do to our family
- I know.
I'm working on a plan.
Okay, a plan. Good. Okay.
You gonna keep me in
the dark about that, too?
I don't have all the
pieces in place yet.
Part of me still doesn't
want to believe it's true.
But it is.
I will take care of this.
I'm sorry.
God knows you've handled
worse guys than Dave Noonan.
You'll figure it out.
I'll be right here.
Ooh. Is that
Mm-hmm. I dated a bartender once.
Kind of like Joe. A little younger.
I didn't know that.
It really is an intimate relationship,
a bartender and his customers.
Late night. Drinks.
Troubles just start spilling out.
I got these to compare it to the
mark in the autopsy photos.
- ELSBETH: Oh, good thinking.
- Mm-hmm.
This ring could have made
the mark on Jane's neck.
So, Ivy has some kind
of beef with Gemma.
- Mm-hmm.
- Who is, admittedly, a terrible human.
- Yeah.
- And then Ivy
somehow involves Joe?
- It's possible?
- Mm.
So, what happened with your bartender?
Oh, he turned out to be a psycho.
- Maybe they all are?
- No, I knew a nice bartender.
Cut me off after three Shirley Temples.
[SNORTS]
Too much of that red dye can
do weird things to your brain.
[LAUGHS]
Whoa. Look at that.
That would have come in handy
at our, uh, card game last week.
Yeah. Can never find an
opener when you need one.
- You said it.
- KAYA: Mm-hmm.
NOONAN: Hmm.
WAGNER: Ms. Tascioni, Officer Blanke,
can I have a word?
Looks like your hunch was right.
Residue from the crime scene
matches the substance
you lifted from the floor
- of Joe Dillon's bar.
- But it's common floor cleaner.
Uh, the ring Joe wears might have caused
the indentation on Jane Dunhill's neck.
BOBBY: Well, then it could
have her DNA on it.
ELSBETH: Doubtful. Joe uses that ring
to open bottles all day long.
Any of Jane's DNA would
be long gone by now.
There still could be
some evidence there.
But a good attorney
could have it disqualified
500 different ways. Sorry.
Well, the good news is that Ivy Benson
- is back in New York.
- Well, that is good news!
Let's go.
IVY: Some stranger gets
killed in Gemma's bed,
and now the police want to speak to me?
It's like this sick cosmic joke.
What I don't understand is how they
connected you and Gemma at all?
Oh, that.
I posted some nasty comments
on Gemma's Facebook page.
You did? When?
The night before I left for my sister's.
Ivy. How could you be so stupid?
I was drunk, and I thought
you'd be proud of me
for standing up for myself.
You know, justice.
Ugh. They're gonna arrest
me now, aren't they?
No, no, no one's arresting you.
You weren't even in the city that night.
You're in the clear.
You're gonna be fine.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
We're here to meet with Ivy Benson.
She's upstairs with Joe.
She'll be right down.
Hey, you're the mocktail lady, right?
Can I make you the special of the day?
Joe's been teaching me.
Ooh, what is it?
Free, 'cause I never tried it before.
People really spend this much
money on a cosmopolitan?
I'd have to do it on layaway.
Mm. Must be a status thing.
That's not it.
People come here for the Joe magic.
The man's a legend.
Yeah, he took his dad's
crummy neighborhood dive
and turned it into this jewel box.
He's like everyone's guardian angel.
Really. How so?
One Christmas, my dad lost his job
and we were broke.
Someone left presents
and food on the stoop.
Had to be Joe.
SIS: My daughter had her heart
broken in the seventh grade.
Suddenly, there's a kitten in
a box left outside the door.
Joe wouldn't take credit.
- I don't believe those stories, not a one.
- [CHUCKLING]
Well, whoever did any of those things
was just doing what any decent
person should be doing.
We are put on this Earth
to help each other out.
I agree.
Within reason.
- Elsbeth Tascioni.
- Hi, Ivy Benson.
- I'm Detective Smullen.
- Hi.
NICO: Okay, here's one he can't deny.
A few months ago, I was plastered
and some guy tried to
roll me on the street.
Joe followed me because he was worried,
and beat the hell out of that animal.
Thank you, Joe.
[CHUCKLING]
Well, you sound like quite
the hero around here.
You ever take any nights off
like, maybe the night that Ivy was away?
Well, my name is on the marquee,
so I'm always here.
Case in point. If you're
gonna spend a fortune
on a specialty cocktail,
- it better be made by me.
- CHARLIE: That's true.
He may go to the stockroom,
check on his precious Knicks,
but I've never come here without
seeing Joe behind the bar.
Wow, it's like people think you're here
- even when you're not.
- Well, I'm never gone for too long.
No, I'm sure it's never too long.
BOBBY: Hey, why don't we go
grab a table in the back, eh?
Nacho Girl. That's rough.
Everyone on campus saw those photos.
I had to leave school.
Oh, gosh, I understand.
I just spiraled out after that.
My family was completely unsympathetic.
- "Just let it go."
- That's not so easy, is it?
The crazy thing is, I had been
doing so much better lately.
Why, do you think?
Honestly? Joe.
Living above this magical place,
a good, decent man
taking care of everyone.
Felt like I had a family
behind me, finally.
And then Gemma popped up on my Facebook
and I was triggered again.
Look, no one can blame you
if you wanted to get Gemma
back for what she did to you.
I didn't try to kill her.
It took me five cocktails
of liquid courage
just to write those comments.
And did that make you feel better?
A little. I've always dreamt
of confronting her.
I still might.
Oh, no, I wouldn't do that, Ms. Benson.
- Not, you know, with an active case, no.
- No, or with Gemma in general.
- You've met her?
- Yes. Yikes.
I mean, you'd have to bring
along a wooden stake
and a clove of garlic.
I'm so sick of being afraid.
Did anyone else ever hear
this story since college?
No.
It's too humiliating.
- Hello, Gemma.
- God, this is just what I need.
I demand an apology for what
you did to me in college.
That was not okay.
- You ruined my life.
- Um, you hired a hit man
to kill me and I'm
supposed to apologize?
- I had nothing to do with that.
- Of course you did.
OMG, you're like some
weirdo out of scary movie.
Only you're still too much of a
loser to even get killing me right.
Let me be crystal, Nacho Girl.
Turn yourself and your little hit team
or whatever in to the police,
or what happened in college
is gonna seem like a pajama party.
Now, go away before I sic Brad on you.
Ugh.
What happened with that girl in college?
How was her life ruined?
I was joking around
and she tried to get me
kicked out of school.
Only, she was the one
who ended up leaving.
Come at the queen, you best not miss.
And why are you asking about her?
This girl does not know
who's she's messing with.
Time to unleash the kraken.
[TIRES SCREECH]
- [HONKING]
- Gemma, watch out!
[GRUNTS]
Oh, my God! Did you see that?
That was Ivy's hit man.
She tried to kill me again!
Hey, is that one of those rings?
Yeah.
I thought it'd be cool at
parties because, uh
'Cause you can never find a
bottle opener when you need it.
- Yeah. [CHUCKLES]
- Yeah.
Doesn't fit.
You want it?
- Sure.
- Yeah.
Hmm.
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
My loyal Tykooners, I have
some alarming news.
Some loser from college
hired a hit man to kill me,
and the police are doing nothing
but sitting on their ass eating donuts,
so I want you to call the
precinct and demand a
If I don't do what she wants,
Gemma's gonna post my name.
And who knows what else.
The nude photos?
The photos of me on the toilet?
- What does she want you to do?
- Turn myself in.
She's crazy.
Oh, my God, I can't believe
this is happening again.
No, it's not the same.
Back in college, you didn't have
me in your corner, right?
You think I'm gonna let her win?
No way.
I'll do anything for you.
I want to take you out
to a real dinner, okay?
No bar between us.
How does that sound?
Sure.
Why not?
Ask for Detective Smullen.
- [PHONES RINGING]
- That's S-M-U, double hockey sticks, E-N.
He knows the loser behind this plot.
And, yes, it does sound like "smellin',"
and, yes, he does stink, literally,
- and at his job.
- The hell is going on?
Gemma Nelson is bullying us now.
- It's awful.
- Anything to what she's saying?
No. Traffic cams show
there was clearly no intent.
KAYA: She was just
jaywalking while texting,
the car swerved to avoid her.
- She was lucky.
- No justice, no peace. No j
Ms. Tascioni, for once, I want
you to use your consent decree
in the manner that it was intended.
Let it be known that
this charge is baseless.
BOBBY: Captain, I still think that
Ivy Benson had to be involved
in the actual attempt on
Gemma Nelson's life.
She's the only one with a clear motive.
But wasn't Ms. Benson away
the night of the murder?
Yes, but Ivy received a phone
call from Joe at 9:42 that night.
He could have been confirming
that the deed was done.
Or just asking about her sister's baby
- or any other damn thing.
- What, I'm not allowed a hunch?
Uh, you don't have to do that,
Ms. Tascioni. Just speak.
I disagree with Detective Smullen.
Sorry. Joe Dillon is a bartender
who listens to the troubles
of his regulars
and then he helps them,
but without them asking.
So, you think Joe heard
about the bullying
and wanted to take revenge
for Ivy without her knowing?
Exactly.
He has a crush and a hero complex,
and we know he's been
violent at least once.
KAYA: There's also the sticky shoes,
the bartender ring, and the loose alibi.
But that's not enough to arrest anybody.
- So, what's the move any ideas?
- Well
Ivy is Joe's Achilles heel.
We just have to figure
out a way to use that.
Can we just arrest her?
JOE: Zero-proof aquavit,
beet juice, orange acid,
young Thai coconut and mace mist.
It is frothy, colorful but complicated.
- I call it the Elsbeth.
- Oh. [CHUCKLES]
That's so nice, Joe, but
[SUCKS TEETH]
I'm off-duty, and I think I need a beer.
Something heavy and dark
- that drinks like a meal.
- Mm. That bad, huh?
Well, tell Joe about it.
It seems our girl Ivy
is in deep trouble.
Detective Smullen is convinced
she set up a hit on Gemma
- with an accomplice.
- Really?
Any suspects?
Come on. You guys think it's me?
[CHUCKLES]
Well, you better think again.
Gemma Nelson did terrible things to Ivy.
If I was someone who felt
like I needed to protect Ivy,
I would understand that desire to
What?
Hey, you okay?
It's just, my son was bullied.
This other boy just completely
ruined seventh grade.
What did this other boy do?
[SIGHS] What do bullies always do?
No, I will not tell you
his name, just in case.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY] But did
you step in and try to stop it?
- I mean, if it was my kid
- We went to the principal.
But this other little bugger
he made it like it was
all Teddy's fault.
And you just accepted that?
No.
I was so angry.
I wanted to
I wanted to hurt that nasty kid.
I wanted to do something.
But what kind of lesson
would I be teaching my son?
But if you had done something,
it might have made you
closer to your son.
Maybe made the world a better place.
I mean, where's this kid right now?
Maybe he's a doctor getting
people hooked on fentanyl.
Or a corrupt politician.
Or maybe he's just a petty little tyrant
crushing people in
his petty little world.
There has to be some justice.
If something goes wrong,
we have to make it right.
We can't wait for someone else to do it.
And did you make it right for Ivy?
[CHUCKLES]
Well now I know you
have nothing on me.
Otherwise I'd be arrested, right?
Listen, I just want to
make one thing clear.
Ivy had nothing to do with anything.
And you better leave her alone.
[EXHALES]
You don't like it when people
bother her, do you?
I don't like you bothering me.
Charlie wants a stout now.
Looks like you started a trend.
Aw, don't mind Joe.
He's just protective of Ivy.
So am I.
You could hear that from
all the way down the bar?
Oh. Yeah.
My mom always says I have bat ears.
I hear everything.
♪
Some people think you know
more about the murder
- than you're letting on.
- IVY: I don't know a thing.
And I refuse to turn myself
in for something I didn't do.
ELSBETH: I'm pretty
sure you lied to us, Ivy.
Me? No. About what?
I think you did tell your
story before at the bar
and someone heard it.
Someone who cared enough
to do something about it.
Do you know who that could be?
- [SIREN WHOOPING]
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]
And here it is.
Detective, I don't know
what this is about,
but I'd prefer you not
upset my customers.
Now, unless you're here
to make an arrest
We are.
Dion Henry McClure, you are under arrest
for the murder of Jane Dunhill.
Who?
What is this?
- Him? Wait, w-with what evidence?
- You don't need to know that.
Come out from behind the bar.
DION: Murder? I can't even kill a fly.
I just let 'em buzz around me.
ELSBETH: I advise you to stay quiet
until there's a lawyer present, Dion.
- Aren't you a lawyer?
- Not me, just another lawyer.
Come on, this is stupid.
What could you possibly have on him?
We realized that all the evidence
that pointed to you was
also pointing to him.
Sometimes it's the quiet ones
you have to look out for.
IVY: Oh, Dion.
I know it was wrong, but
no one in my life has ever
stood up for me like that before.
Thank you.
Stop. What is this?
Have you all lost your mind?
It wasn't him.
That punk can't even
make a gin and tonic.
Ivy [SIGHS]
Ivy, I'm the one.
I'm the one that was here for you.
I promised that I would get
you justice, remember?
And how'd that work
out for Jane Dunhill?
ELSBETH: Joe.
You wanted to kill Gemma, not Jane.
But Jane is the one you murdered.
Guy like you accepts
responsibility for his actions.
What kind of man would
you be if you didn't?
You see what this world is like.
It's war.
And sometimes mistakes are made.
I'll have to live with that.
And be punished for it.
OFFICER: You have the
right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will be used
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
- There a problem?
- You tell me.
I have a connection at
the Department of Labor.
They're launching an investigation
into FlairAll's factories.
- Labor?
- They're sending inspectors
to the floors.
Wali must've gotten to 'em.
When are they doing this?
Soon.
♪
I know that was hard.
- But you did so well. You, too, Dion.
- I had fun.
The kiss was awesome.
JOE: You know I was just
looking out for you, Ivy.
IVY: You killed someone, Joe.
That's never right.
Even if it had been Gemma.
Who's gonna take care of you now?
I can take care of myself.
[PHONE VIBRATES]
♪
Over here.
This better be important.
Hey, that's Declan Armstrong,
the CEO of FlairAll.
I saw him at your gala.
- You two were very chummy.
- We were not chummy.
NOONAN: You're sure you
weren't followed, right?
No one can know we're here.
DECLAN: You think I'm an idiot?
Well, you looked chummy.
What was he talking to you about?
I don't know. Blah, blah, blah.
Public-private partnerships. Uh,
keeping the city safe for business.
Like it was all in code.
That's probably 'cause it was.
- Shh.
- DECLAN: "Department of Labor
- is going to inspect"?
- Sorry.
- You promised to get me inside intel.
- I'm alerting you beforehand.
That's the definition of inside intel.
If I have to hide workers, cut hours,
that's gonna cost me a fortune.
And that's on top of what I've already
put into Wagner's foundation.
That doesn't sound exculpatory for you.
Uh, I'm well aware.
- Shh.
- Sorry.
It's the Department of
Labor, not the NYPD.
That's how it got past me.
But I'm handling it now.
Don't know what it is,
but something's different.
Something's changed. It's like
suddenly nobody can
do anything in this city
without getting noticed.
I thought I was paying you
so this would never happen.
I need to speak with Wagner directly.
No. I said don't.
It's better he be insulated,
- for all of us.
- Not anymore.
It's all our asses on the line now.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Is that a gun? [GASPS] That's a gun!
I need a 85 at 820 Jewel.
Wait, Captain, Claudia will kill
me if anything happens to you.
You stay here.
[DOOR OPENS]
So it was just you this whole time?
You played me and Wagner?
[CHUCKLES] Didn't
know you had it in you.
Well, that's why it worked.
You can't just shoot me.
Nobody knows you're here. Remember?
WAGNER: Except me.
- Drop it, Dave.
- [SIRENS WAILING IN DISTANCE]
Nice and easy.
It's over.
It's all on tape.
Don't make it worse.
Just drop the damn gun.
[SIRENS WAILING]
[TIRES SCREECHING]
[HANDCUFFS CLICKING]
- Did we get it?
- Exculpatory City.
- Which sounds like a terrible film noir.
- NOONAN: Hey.
How did you track me?
I know I wasn't tailed.
The bartender ring on your finger.
Amazing how small they
make the bugs these days.
- [CHUCKLES] Well played.
- Maybe that's why I got the job.
And you didn't.
Take him away.
♪
GEMMA: Hey, idiot boy.
What is with this coffee?
I like it light, like Zendaya.
You gave me Seal.
What, did we run out of
freakin' cashew milk?
Brad. Stop.
Brad posted this?
Announcing he broke up with her.
Not a good look for a
children's brand CEO.
Am I allowed to like this
or would I then be bullying Gemma?
Because I just dislike her so much.
- It does feel like justice.
- [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
- [CHUCKLING]
- [WAGNER CLEARS THROAT]
Everything okay, Captain?
The DOJ is preparing formal
indictments for Dave Noonan.
Claudia's and my foundation
will have to return
FlairAll's contributions,
including the polo shirts,
which is a shame.
So you're in the clear?
Mission accomplished.
- Ooh!
- Yes.
It's all behind us.
And you can go back to Chicago now.
Did Celetano request this?
- Because
- No.
I did.
You've been investigating
me behind my back.
While smiling to my face.
And you've done this for months.
How could I ever trust you?
Ms. Tascioni.
♪
[DOOR SLAMS]
MAN: All right, let's see it.
Okay.
No. How many ounces of
gin did you use in that?
Two, maybe. I eyeballed it.
You eyeballed it.
[SCOFFS] You're not pulling
a handle at a soda fountain.
This is an $80 martini.
It requires precision.
Look, Dion, that's Charlie over there.
He just had a hard day
at work on Wall Street.
He wants to taste the elderflowers.
He wants that hint of
that saffron botanical.
Yeah. I'm sorry. I'll work on it.
- [DOOR OPENS]
- All right.
Hey. There's our girl.
You're early. Are we celebrating?
Hey, Dion. Can you get
the lady her usual?
Yep.
[SIGHS]
What happened? Tell me everything.
- I totally blew it.
- No. Come on.
After all those practice interviews?
And when I got in there, I froze.
The only coherent thing I said
was how much I loved
the jingle in their IBS ad.
Okay, slow down. I'm sure
it's not as bad as you think.
It was that stupid notification.
It derailed me.
- What notification?
- So, before the interview,
I was looking at my phone
and Facebook suggested I friend
the worst person in the world,
Gemma Nelson.
- Who?
- My college roommate freshman year,
who made my life a living hell.
What was so bad about her?
Gemma Nelson was a she-devil.
She stole my journal,
read it out loud to the dining hall,
made fun of my dreams of being a writer.
- DION: Sounds like a total bitch.
- I'm sorry, do you mind?
This is actually between me and Ivy.
Thank you.
Wait, why didn't you report her?
I did. And then she started
posting photos of me online.
Coming out of the shower,
eating chips when I was on the toilet.
The one time.
Everyone started calling me Nacho Girl.
It was awful.
But her parents were huge
donors to the school.
It doesn't give her a
right to harass you.
Finally, I dropped out.
And now I can't even land a
job at a third-tier ad agency.
Guess she was right.
I am a loser.
No.
This Gemma Nelson
I have to believe she
got her comeuppance.
- Karma's a bitch.
- Karma?
- Yeah.
- She's now an entrepreneur.
The SheEO of Tykoons.
- Ty-what?
- It's a children's clothing company.
They sells designer baby shoes for $500.
I mean, who wants to spend that
kind of money on baby shoes?
Uh, the same people
who drink $80 martinis?
Hey, watch it.
Yeah, she's got a cute boyfriend,
and hangs out with
rappers and influencers.
Face it, Joe. Evil people win.
It didn't use to be that way.
If you did someone wrong,
there were consequences.
If only everyone was like you, Joe.
Keep 'em coming.
Well, good thing you live above the bar.
Mm-hmm.
Wait, don't you have a train
to catch in the morning?
[GROANS] That's right.
To see my sister's perfect new baby.
Just what I need.
Yeah, maybe I won't come back.
This is Gemma's city.
I'll never be able to do anything here.
No. Listen.
The universe has ways
of righting itself.
Even with people like Gemma Nelson.
You'll see.
There is justice in this world.
Thank you for taking care of me.
I take care of all my customers,
- even the ones I never charge.
- [CHUCKLES]
Now, I am gonna knock on
this door in the morning
to make sure you make that train,
- and you better answer.
- Yes, sir.
Okay.
- Bye.
- Bye.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
♪
[LINE RINGS]
- IVY: Joe?
- Hey, Ivy, it's me.
- It's kind of late. Everything okay?
- Yeah, everything's fine.
Just wanted to make sure
you weren't too hungover
when you got to your sister's.
Yeah, I was pretty wasted
last night, thanks to you.
But my little niece's
crying sobered me up.
Oh, well, make sure you
post some baby pics.
Those always get major likes.
I will.
Thanks for checking in.
You sleep tight.
♪
♪
This is for Ivy Benson.
[GRUNTING]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
It's kind of eerie, isn't it?
She looks so peaceful.
Yeah. Dead people usually do.
BOBBY: Ms. Tascioni.
I'm afraid you're gonna
find this case a little dull.
Oh. [SHORT CHUCKLE] Murder's never dull.
Well, this one's pretty clear-cut.
An intruder broke in and,
uh, strangled the victim,
whose name is, uh, Gemma
Nelson, in her own bed.
Any, uh, physical evidence?
We got a possible shoe print, but
the scene is still being processed.
And if you're gonna tell me how
much you like my tie, save it.
Oh. No, I wasn't.
I've seen that tie so many times now.
- I do still like it, though.
- No, I will not step back. I live here.
- This is my apartment.
- Whoa! Who are you?
Gemma Nelson. Who the hell should I be?
Then who is that?
- Jane Dunhill. She was staying here.
- What
Ma'am, you're gonna
have to wait outside.
- Is she dead?
- There was a break-in.
So, somebody killed her? In my bed?
That's perfect. And is she
wearing my sweater?
- Brad!
- BRAD: I-I told her to stay
in the guest room on the futon,
but I guess she liked this better.
- Is she a friend of yours?
- No, please.
- As if.
- We did a house swap.
GEMMA: My genius boyfriend
bought her story
about wanting to experience the big city
and get away from her
husband or whatever,
- and I stupidly let Julie stay
- Jane.
Jane Dumb Hick stay here,
and in exchange,
we stayed in some dump
- in the middle of Iowa.
- Indiana.
One night and I was done.
I thought it'd be nice for Gemma
to take a break from the hustle
and bustle and experience a small town
- like the one I grew up in.
- GEMMA: Idiot.
I knew I shouldn't have listened to you.
I guess no good deed goes unpunished.
Uh, I think Jane was the one punished.
BOBBY: You said that she wanted
to get away from her husband.
Do you think that she
was running from him?
I really don't care,
and can they not put that
dirty cart on that rug?
It's Australian sheepskin.
BOBBY: I'll get right on that.
Now, if you'll just clear
the crime scene, please.
You doing an interpretative dance
- or do you have a theory?
- Uh
I don't Yes.
Imagine this.
The killer creeps into this apartment.
- Mm-hmm.
- It's dark.
- Mm-hmm.
- Jane Dunhill is asleep
in Gemma's bed,
wearing Gemma's clothes.
[QUIETLY EXCLAIMS]
So, you're thinking the killer
intended to kill Gemma, not Jane.
Yes.
- BRAD: This is terrible.
- GEMMA: Oh, stop whining, Brad.
It's on her for not setting the alarm.
This is Manhattan, not Whoville.
You know, I think I could see
someone wanting to kill that woman.
Mm-hmm.
The question is
who?
Joe, what are you doing?
- We didn't order these.
- On the house,
made just for you.
- Ah.
- You're so good to us.
So, what are they?
I call it Sweet Justice.
♪
CELETANO: The department is
done waiting for a smoking gun.
We're moving forward.
Is that wise?
We have his signature on every document.
It's enough. All you have
to do is play it cool.
Can you do that, Ms. Tascioni?
Uh, of course. I'm cool.
Uh, thank you, sir.
Be straight with me. How bad is it?
You said you wanted to help.
I do. But if I wanted to be duplicitous
and obstruct justice,
I would have stayed a lawyer.
Well, at least tell me if there's
been any major developments.
I-I Is Celetano gonna
indict me or not?
Uh [SIGHS]
Oh!
I have something to
show you. Okay, um
- Yes.
- Paint chips?
Uh, I need to paint my bathroom,
but I can't decide which color.
Uh, but some of these names are so cool.
Like this one. "Simmer Down."
Are we still talking
about this investigation?
The thing is not everyone
likes "Simmer Down."
Some people know exactly
what they're looking for
and then they go for it.
I just don't have a paint
color called "going for it."
Meaning Celetano is
preparing an indictment.
I thought you had a plan.
- I need a way to surveil Noonan.
- [KNOCKING]
M.E. report on Jane Dunhill.
Confirms what we already
knew: she was strangled.
- The killer leave DNA?
- Uh, not enough for a profile.
What's this?
A mark?
All we got from the crime scene
was a size 11 shoe print,
sticky residue, some type
of industrial floor cleaner.
We're looking for the
husband, Mason Dunhill.
Story is she was running from him.
Maybe he found her.
[SQUEAKS, CLICKS TONGUE]
- You disagree, Ms. Tascioni?
- Here we go.
Well, the husband would
be a reasonable suspect
- if Jane was the target.
- Do you at least agree
that we should bring
him in for questioning?
Well, we got to find him first.
We did.
His credit card pinged
at a nearby hotel.
He's in New York.
Joe.
Did you hear the news?
- Somebody killed Gemma Nelson.
- Wow. That's wild.
But, you see, sweetheart,
I told you the scales have
a way of balancing out.
[PHONE RINGING]
Ivy, how's it going?
- Joe, did you hear?
- No. Hear what?
Look up Gemma Nelson.
And I just came home to find this
woman dead in my apartment.
It was traumatizing,
- even for a strong person
- Is that
Some woman got murdered
in Gemma's apartment,
in Gemma's bed,
the one night Gemma wasn't there.
I mean, how lucky can Gemma be?
And how unlucky can that other woman be?
Yeah. Yeah, that's-that's
that's terrible.
But listen, if she was
a friend of Gemma,
chances are that she's
not a good person.
Jane was the most wonderful
woman in the world.
Everybody thought so.
Her students, her fellow teachers,
the staff at the hospital
where she volunteered.
We heard that Jane didn't want you
to come with her to New York.
- Why is that?
- She'd always dreamed
- of a solo adventure in the big city.
- Solo.
- And yet here you are.
- I know what you're getting at,
- but I didn't kill her. I swear.
- Then why were you here?
[SIGHS]
When I saw Jane took most
of her clothes, I panicked.
I thought maybe she was leaving me.
So you drove to the city
and you confronted her?
I was going to, but I got lost,
and when I finally got here
she was already gone.
What's your shoe size, Mason?
- Why? I would never hurt her.
- BOBBY: Yeah, well, someone did.
Did your wife have any enemies?
- Anyone at all?
- MASON: Not one.
Maybe Jane didn't have any enemies,
but Gemma certainly did.
This is Gemma's Facebook page.
Read the comments.
Hmm. And when were these posted?
The night before the murder.
Huh.
Did you see what people wrote on
Jane Dunhill's Facebook page?
It's like a ticker tape of love.
Quit stalking that dead woman
- and help me find a new apartment.
- BRAD: Sorry.
Uh, Ms. Nelson, do you have a minute?
I'd like to ask about some comments
- posted to your social media.
- Hey! You can look.
Don't touch.
Sorry. I was just trying
to figure out what this is.
Oh. It's from our couture collection.
It's a bejeweled breast pump
in high-density PEEK plastic.
- Sexy, right?
- I mean, if that's the goal.
BOBBY: Uh, how about you read
the comments for Ms. Nelson?
Right. Uh, someone posted this
in response to a picture
of you on a sailboat.
It reads: "You are a small
and pathetic human being
who doesn't deserve to exist.
Someday you'll get what's coming,
and nothing will make me happier."
It goes on, but I think
you get the point.
Do you know the person who sent that?
An online troll? I ignore them.
Sounds like this person knows you.
Do you have a name, or
do you want me to guess?
Ivy Benson.
- Oh, God. Her?
- BRAD: You know her? Who is she?
She's my loser roommate from college.
- It sounds like a death threat.
- [LAUGHING]: Wait.
You think Ivy Benson
is trying to kill me?
No, I'm sorry.
Losers like Ivy Benson
never actually do anything.
That is what makes them losers.
Well, hurt people sometimes hurt people.
Okay.
Do you need me to do your job for you?
- It's the husband. Hello.
- BOBBY: License plate readers
caught Mason Dunhill
driving into Manhattan
after Jane was already murdered.
- So he took a train or an Uber.
- An Uber?
A shoe print found at the crime scene
indicates the killer
wore a size 11 shoe.
Jane Dunhill's husband wore a size 13.
Look, there is no way a loser
like Ivy Benson is behind this.
We'll check her out anyway.
Thanks.
Sorry.
Ivy Benson? Detective Smullen, NYPD.
JOE: Are you looking for
Ivy? She's not in town.
She's visiting family.
I hope everything's okay.
If you see her, would you let her know
that Detective Smullen
would like to speak with her?
I left my cell downstairs at the bar.
If you come down, I could try
to get Ivy on the phone for you.
- That won't be necessary.
- Well, it seems silly
- not to at least try.
- BOBBY: Knock yourselves out.
JOE: No, she didn't answer. I'm sorry.
Appreciate you trying.
This is quite the mocktails list.
Oh.
No Shirley Temple.
Please. We can do way better
than a Shirley Temple.
And I have something for you.
I'll have a Coke.
Oh, come on. The best
thing about mocktails
is that you can drink them
when you're on duty.
KAYA: [CHUCKLES] Maybe next time.
Aw. [CHUCKLES]
- Did you see that?
- Oh.
The ring? It's a bottle opener.
All bartenders use 'em.
One of the tricks of the trade.
Now, we call this
Jamboree.
Mmm. I love the color.
Oh, my gosh. This is amazing. [LAUGHS]
I am an artist.
I'm trying to tell you this.
- [LAUGHS]
- Mmm.
So, this is your bar?
I am the Joe. Yes.
What did you guys want
to speak to Ivy about?
That's not your concern.
Oh. Right.
But like I said, she's been out of town.
She took a train to Pennsylvania
Saturday morning to see
her sister's new baby.
- Good to know.
- I remember I showed the pics
she posted that night
to everyone at the bar.
This baby is adorable.
Seems like you know Ivy pretty well.
Yeah, she's a sweet girl.
Just trying to make it in the city.
I look out for her.
She's lucky to have you.
We actually were in the same
bubble during the pandemic.
Mm.
That was such an interesting time.
People became close to people
that otherwise they wouldn't be at all.
Yeah, maybe that's true,
but we actually bonded.
Sure.
Well, I I mean we'll
get to the bottom of things
when she gets back to New York.
Whoa.
I drank this a little too fast. [LAUGHS]
Uh, restroom?
Just, uh, down the hall, to the left.
♪
Seriously?
- Noonan?
- Yeah.
So, he's been taking bribes
and acting like they were for you?
And why didn't you tell me this before?
- I didn't want you to worry.
- You didn't want me to worr
This affects me too, you know.
If it's as bad as you say it is,
this scandal could ruin the foundation.
Could ruin everything.
- What it would do to our family
- I know.
I'm working on a plan.
Okay, a plan. Good. Okay.
You gonna keep me in
the dark about that, too?
I don't have all the
pieces in place yet.
Part of me still doesn't
want to believe it's true.
But it is.
I will take care of this.
I'm sorry.
God knows you've handled
worse guys than Dave Noonan.
You'll figure it out.
I'll be right here.
Ooh. Is that
Mm-hmm. I dated a bartender once.
Kind of like Joe. A little younger.
I didn't know that.
It really is an intimate relationship,
a bartender and his customers.
Late night. Drinks.
Troubles just start spilling out.
I got these to compare it to the
mark in the autopsy photos.
- ELSBETH: Oh, good thinking.
- Mm-hmm.
This ring could have made
the mark on Jane's neck.
So, Ivy has some kind
of beef with Gemma.
- Mm-hmm.
- Who is, admittedly, a terrible human.
- Yeah.
- And then Ivy
somehow involves Joe?
- It's possible?
- Mm.
So, what happened with your bartender?
Oh, he turned out to be a psycho.
- Maybe they all are?
- No, I knew a nice bartender.
Cut me off after three Shirley Temples.
[SNORTS]
Too much of that red dye can
do weird things to your brain.
[LAUGHS]
Whoa. Look at that.
That would have come in handy
at our, uh, card game last week.
Yeah. Can never find an
opener when you need one.
- You said it.
- KAYA: Mm-hmm.
NOONAN: Hmm.
WAGNER: Ms. Tascioni, Officer Blanke,
can I have a word?
Looks like your hunch was right.
Residue from the crime scene
matches the substance
you lifted from the floor
- of Joe Dillon's bar.
- But it's common floor cleaner.
Uh, the ring Joe wears might have caused
the indentation on Jane Dunhill's neck.
BOBBY: Well, then it could
have her DNA on it.
ELSBETH: Doubtful. Joe uses that ring
to open bottles all day long.
Any of Jane's DNA would
be long gone by now.
There still could be
some evidence there.
But a good attorney
could have it disqualified
500 different ways. Sorry.
Well, the good news is that Ivy Benson
- is back in New York.
- Well, that is good news!
Let's go.
IVY: Some stranger gets
killed in Gemma's bed,
and now the police want to speak to me?
It's like this sick cosmic joke.
What I don't understand is how they
connected you and Gemma at all?
Oh, that.
I posted some nasty comments
on Gemma's Facebook page.
You did? When?
The night before I left for my sister's.
Ivy. How could you be so stupid?
I was drunk, and I thought
you'd be proud of me
for standing up for myself.
You know, justice.
Ugh. They're gonna arrest
me now, aren't they?
No, no, no one's arresting you.
You weren't even in the city that night.
You're in the clear.
You're gonna be fine.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
We're here to meet with Ivy Benson.
She's upstairs with Joe.
She'll be right down.
Hey, you're the mocktail lady, right?
Can I make you the special of the day?
Joe's been teaching me.
Ooh, what is it?
Free, 'cause I never tried it before.
People really spend this much
money on a cosmopolitan?
I'd have to do it on layaway.
Mm. Must be a status thing.
That's not it.
People come here for the Joe magic.
The man's a legend.
Yeah, he took his dad's
crummy neighborhood dive
and turned it into this jewel box.
He's like everyone's guardian angel.
Really. How so?
One Christmas, my dad lost his job
and we were broke.
Someone left presents
and food on the stoop.
Had to be Joe.
SIS: My daughter had her heart
broken in the seventh grade.
Suddenly, there's a kitten in
a box left outside the door.
Joe wouldn't take credit.
- I don't believe those stories, not a one.
- [CHUCKLING]
Well, whoever did any of those things
was just doing what any decent
person should be doing.
We are put on this Earth
to help each other out.
I agree.
Within reason.
- Elsbeth Tascioni.
- Hi, Ivy Benson.
- I'm Detective Smullen.
- Hi.
NICO: Okay, here's one he can't deny.
A few months ago, I was plastered
and some guy tried to
roll me on the street.
Joe followed me because he was worried,
and beat the hell out of that animal.
Thank you, Joe.
[CHUCKLING]
Well, you sound like quite
the hero around here.
You ever take any nights off
like, maybe the night that Ivy was away?
Well, my name is on the marquee,
so I'm always here.
Case in point. If you're
gonna spend a fortune
on a specialty cocktail,
- it better be made by me.
- CHARLIE: That's true.
He may go to the stockroom,
check on his precious Knicks,
but I've never come here without
seeing Joe behind the bar.
Wow, it's like people think you're here
- even when you're not.
- Well, I'm never gone for too long.
No, I'm sure it's never too long.
BOBBY: Hey, why don't we go
grab a table in the back, eh?
Nacho Girl. That's rough.
Everyone on campus saw those photos.
I had to leave school.
Oh, gosh, I understand.
I just spiraled out after that.
My family was completely unsympathetic.
- "Just let it go."
- That's not so easy, is it?
The crazy thing is, I had been
doing so much better lately.
Why, do you think?
Honestly? Joe.
Living above this magical place,
a good, decent man
taking care of everyone.
Felt like I had a family
behind me, finally.
And then Gemma popped up on my Facebook
and I was triggered again.
Look, no one can blame you
if you wanted to get Gemma
back for what she did to you.
I didn't try to kill her.
It took me five cocktails
of liquid courage
just to write those comments.
And did that make you feel better?
A little. I've always dreamt
of confronting her.
I still might.
Oh, no, I wouldn't do that, Ms. Benson.
- Not, you know, with an active case, no.
- No, or with Gemma in general.
- You've met her?
- Yes. Yikes.
I mean, you'd have to bring
along a wooden stake
and a clove of garlic.
I'm so sick of being afraid.
Did anyone else ever hear
this story since college?
No.
It's too humiliating.
- Hello, Gemma.
- God, this is just what I need.
I demand an apology for what
you did to me in college.
That was not okay.
- You ruined my life.
- Um, you hired a hit man
to kill me and I'm
supposed to apologize?
- I had nothing to do with that.
- Of course you did.
OMG, you're like some
weirdo out of scary movie.
Only you're still too much of a
loser to even get killing me right.
Let me be crystal, Nacho Girl.
Turn yourself and your little hit team
or whatever in to the police,
or what happened in college
is gonna seem like a pajama party.
Now, go away before I sic Brad on you.
Ugh.
What happened with that girl in college?
How was her life ruined?
I was joking around
and she tried to get me
kicked out of school.
Only, she was the one
who ended up leaving.
Come at the queen, you best not miss.
And why are you asking about her?
This girl does not know
who's she's messing with.
Time to unleash the kraken.
[TIRES SCREECH]
- [HONKING]
- Gemma, watch out!
[GRUNTS]
Oh, my God! Did you see that?
That was Ivy's hit man.
She tried to kill me again!
Hey, is that one of those rings?
Yeah.
I thought it'd be cool at
parties because, uh
'Cause you can never find a
bottle opener when you need it.
- Yeah. [CHUCKLES]
- Yeah.
Doesn't fit.
You want it?
- Sure.
- Yeah.
Hmm.
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
My loyal Tykooners, I have
some alarming news.
Some loser from college
hired a hit man to kill me,
and the police are doing nothing
but sitting on their ass eating donuts,
so I want you to call the
precinct and demand a
If I don't do what she wants,
Gemma's gonna post my name.
And who knows what else.
The nude photos?
The photos of me on the toilet?
- What does she want you to do?
- Turn myself in.
She's crazy.
Oh, my God, I can't believe
this is happening again.
No, it's not the same.
Back in college, you didn't have
me in your corner, right?
You think I'm gonna let her win?
No way.
I'll do anything for you.
I want to take you out
to a real dinner, okay?
No bar between us.
How does that sound?
Sure.
Why not?
Ask for Detective Smullen.
- [PHONES RINGING]
- That's S-M-U, double hockey sticks, E-N.
He knows the loser behind this plot.
And, yes, it does sound like "smellin',"
and, yes, he does stink, literally,
- and at his job.
- The hell is going on?
Gemma Nelson is bullying us now.
- It's awful.
- Anything to what she's saying?
No. Traffic cams show
there was clearly no intent.
KAYA: She was just
jaywalking while texting,
the car swerved to avoid her.
- She was lucky.
- No justice, no peace. No j
Ms. Tascioni, for once, I want
you to use your consent decree
in the manner that it was intended.
Let it be known that
this charge is baseless.
BOBBY: Captain, I still think that
Ivy Benson had to be involved
in the actual attempt on
Gemma Nelson's life.
She's the only one with a clear motive.
But wasn't Ms. Benson away
the night of the murder?
Yes, but Ivy received a phone
call from Joe at 9:42 that night.
He could have been confirming
that the deed was done.
Or just asking about her sister's baby
- or any other damn thing.
- What, I'm not allowed a hunch?
Uh, you don't have to do that,
Ms. Tascioni. Just speak.
I disagree with Detective Smullen.
Sorry. Joe Dillon is a bartender
who listens to the troubles
of his regulars
and then he helps them,
but without them asking.
So, you think Joe heard
about the bullying
and wanted to take revenge
for Ivy without her knowing?
Exactly.
He has a crush and a hero complex,
and we know he's been
violent at least once.
KAYA: There's also the sticky shoes,
the bartender ring, and the loose alibi.
But that's not enough to arrest anybody.
- So, what's the move any ideas?
- Well
Ivy is Joe's Achilles heel.
We just have to figure
out a way to use that.
Can we just arrest her?
JOE: Zero-proof aquavit,
beet juice, orange acid,
young Thai coconut and mace mist.
It is frothy, colorful but complicated.
- I call it the Elsbeth.
- Oh. [CHUCKLES]
That's so nice, Joe, but
[SUCKS TEETH]
I'm off-duty, and I think I need a beer.
Something heavy and dark
- that drinks like a meal.
- Mm. That bad, huh?
Well, tell Joe about it.
It seems our girl Ivy
is in deep trouble.
Detective Smullen is convinced
she set up a hit on Gemma
- with an accomplice.
- Really?
Any suspects?
Come on. You guys think it's me?
[CHUCKLES]
Well, you better think again.
Gemma Nelson did terrible things to Ivy.
If I was someone who felt
like I needed to protect Ivy,
I would understand that desire to
What?
Hey, you okay?
It's just, my son was bullied.
This other boy just completely
ruined seventh grade.
What did this other boy do?
[SIGHS] What do bullies always do?
No, I will not tell you
his name, just in case.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY] But did
you step in and try to stop it?
- I mean, if it was my kid
- We went to the principal.
But this other little bugger
he made it like it was
all Teddy's fault.
And you just accepted that?
No.
I was so angry.
I wanted to
I wanted to hurt that nasty kid.
I wanted to do something.
But what kind of lesson
would I be teaching my son?
But if you had done something,
it might have made you
closer to your son.
Maybe made the world a better place.
I mean, where's this kid right now?
Maybe he's a doctor getting
people hooked on fentanyl.
Or a corrupt politician.
Or maybe he's just a petty little tyrant
crushing people in
his petty little world.
There has to be some justice.
If something goes wrong,
we have to make it right.
We can't wait for someone else to do it.
And did you make it right for Ivy?
[CHUCKLES]
Well now I know you
have nothing on me.
Otherwise I'd be arrested, right?
Listen, I just want to
make one thing clear.
Ivy had nothing to do with anything.
And you better leave her alone.
[EXHALES]
You don't like it when people
bother her, do you?
I don't like you bothering me.
Charlie wants a stout now.
Looks like you started a trend.
Aw, don't mind Joe.
He's just protective of Ivy.
So am I.
You could hear that from
all the way down the bar?
Oh. Yeah.
My mom always says I have bat ears.
I hear everything.
♪
Some people think you know
more about the murder
- than you're letting on.
- IVY: I don't know a thing.
And I refuse to turn myself
in for something I didn't do.
ELSBETH: I'm pretty
sure you lied to us, Ivy.
Me? No. About what?
I think you did tell your
story before at the bar
and someone heard it.
Someone who cared enough
to do something about it.
Do you know who that could be?
- [SIREN WHOOPING]
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]
And here it is.
Detective, I don't know
what this is about,
but I'd prefer you not
upset my customers.
Now, unless you're here
to make an arrest
We are.
Dion Henry McClure, you are under arrest
for the murder of Jane Dunhill.
Who?
What is this?
- Him? Wait, w-with what evidence?
- You don't need to know that.
Come out from behind the bar.
DION: Murder? I can't even kill a fly.
I just let 'em buzz around me.
ELSBETH: I advise you to stay quiet
until there's a lawyer present, Dion.
- Aren't you a lawyer?
- Not me, just another lawyer.
Come on, this is stupid.
What could you possibly have on him?
We realized that all the evidence
that pointed to you was
also pointing to him.
Sometimes it's the quiet ones
you have to look out for.
IVY: Oh, Dion.
I know it was wrong, but
no one in my life has ever
stood up for me like that before.
Thank you.
Stop. What is this?
Have you all lost your mind?
It wasn't him.
That punk can't even
make a gin and tonic.
Ivy [SIGHS]
Ivy, I'm the one.
I'm the one that was here for you.
I promised that I would get
you justice, remember?
And how'd that work
out for Jane Dunhill?
ELSBETH: Joe.
You wanted to kill Gemma, not Jane.
But Jane is the one you murdered.
Guy like you accepts
responsibility for his actions.
What kind of man would
you be if you didn't?
You see what this world is like.
It's war.
And sometimes mistakes are made.
I'll have to live with that.
And be punished for it.
OFFICER: You have the
right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will be used
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
- There a problem?
- You tell me.
I have a connection at
the Department of Labor.
They're launching an investigation
into FlairAll's factories.
- Labor?
- They're sending inspectors
to the floors.
Wali must've gotten to 'em.
When are they doing this?
Soon.
♪
I know that was hard.
- But you did so well. You, too, Dion.
- I had fun.
The kiss was awesome.
JOE: You know I was just
looking out for you, Ivy.
IVY: You killed someone, Joe.
That's never right.
Even if it had been Gemma.
Who's gonna take care of you now?
I can take care of myself.
[PHONE VIBRATES]
♪
Over here.
This better be important.
Hey, that's Declan Armstrong,
the CEO of FlairAll.
I saw him at your gala.
- You two were very chummy.
- We were not chummy.
NOONAN: You're sure you
weren't followed, right?
No one can know we're here.
DECLAN: You think I'm an idiot?
Well, you looked chummy.
What was he talking to you about?
I don't know. Blah, blah, blah.
Public-private partnerships. Uh,
keeping the city safe for business.
Like it was all in code.
That's probably 'cause it was.
- Shh.
- DECLAN: "Department of Labor
- is going to inspect"?
- Sorry.
- You promised to get me inside intel.
- I'm alerting you beforehand.
That's the definition of inside intel.
If I have to hide workers, cut hours,
that's gonna cost me a fortune.
And that's on top of what I've already
put into Wagner's foundation.
That doesn't sound exculpatory for you.
Uh, I'm well aware.
- Shh.
- Sorry.
It's the Department of
Labor, not the NYPD.
That's how it got past me.
But I'm handling it now.
Don't know what it is,
but something's different.
Something's changed. It's like
suddenly nobody can
do anything in this city
without getting noticed.
I thought I was paying you
so this would never happen.
I need to speak with Wagner directly.
No. I said don't.
It's better he be insulated,
- for all of us.
- Not anymore.
It's all our asses on the line now.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Is that a gun? [GASPS] That's a gun!
I need a 85 at 820 Jewel.
Wait, Captain, Claudia will kill
me if anything happens to you.
You stay here.
[DOOR OPENS]
So it was just you this whole time?
You played me and Wagner?
[CHUCKLES] Didn't
know you had it in you.
Well, that's why it worked.
You can't just shoot me.
Nobody knows you're here. Remember?
WAGNER: Except me.
- Drop it, Dave.
- [SIRENS WAILING IN DISTANCE]
Nice and easy.
It's over.
It's all on tape.
Don't make it worse.
Just drop the damn gun.
[SIRENS WAILING]
[TIRES SCREECHING]
[HANDCUFFS CLICKING]
- Did we get it?
- Exculpatory City.
- Which sounds like a terrible film noir.
- NOONAN: Hey.
How did you track me?
I know I wasn't tailed.
The bartender ring on your finger.
Amazing how small they
make the bugs these days.
- [CHUCKLES] Well played.
- Maybe that's why I got the job.
And you didn't.
Take him away.
♪
GEMMA: Hey, idiot boy.
What is with this coffee?
I like it light, like Zendaya.
You gave me Seal.
What, did we run out of
freakin' cashew milk?
Brad. Stop.
Brad posted this?
Announcing he broke up with her.
Not a good look for a
children's brand CEO.
Am I allowed to like this
or would I then be bullying Gemma?
Because I just dislike her so much.
- It does feel like justice.
- [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
- [CHUCKLING]
- [WAGNER CLEARS THROAT]
Everything okay, Captain?
The DOJ is preparing formal
indictments for Dave Noonan.
Claudia's and my foundation
will have to return
FlairAll's contributions,
including the polo shirts,
which is a shame.
So you're in the clear?
Mission accomplished.
- Ooh!
- Yes.
It's all behind us.
And you can go back to Chicago now.
Did Celetano request this?
- Because
- No.
I did.
You've been investigating
me behind my back.
While smiling to my face.
And you've done this for months.
How could I ever trust you?
Ms. Tascioni.
♪
[DOOR SLAMS]