Four Weddings and a Funeral (2019) s01e09 Episode Script

1 AINSLEY: Previously on Four Weddings and a Funeral MAYA: Well, my dream's always been to work for a progressive, diverse, female candidate, but given my current situation, I'm open to anything.
How could you fire me? You just walked out of a presentation to accept another job.
Oh, God, what am I gonna tell my dad? - DUFFY: So Ainsley likes Bryce? - GEMMA: Oh, absolutely.
- So then what's the problem? - She doesn't know it yet.
I didn't break up with you because you don't fit into my world.
Then why did you break up with me? You're voting yes on an immigration bill, and I'm one of the people you're voting to keep out.
I'm pregnant.
[BOTH LAUGHING.]
What are you doing here? This might be completely crazy, but I want to be with you.
That sucked.
Why would you and Ainsley say that Maya had a thing for me? I honestly thought she did.
She just told me she doesn't, and then she hung up on me because she's at a wedding with another guy.
What wedding? What made you change your mind? What we have is worth risking everything for.
I'm gonna tell Ainsley the truth.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[BOTH GROANING SOFTLY.]
- Hi.
- Hi.
How'd you sleep? Really bad.
This annoying man kept waking me up and kissing me.
Oh, no.
That sounds terrible.
[MAYA CHUCKLES.]
So we're really doing this, huh? Yeah.
We're really doing this.
What? I mean, it just feels real now.
As soon as I leave this room, I'm gonna have to go home and have a horrible conversation.
I want to tell you something, but I don't know if I should.
I think I know what it is because I wanted to say the same thing to you last night.
But I shouldn't, right? It's too soon.
- Way too soon.
- It's three words.
[CHUCKLES.]
Don't.
My foot's asleep.
My foot's asleep, too.
Um, so this has been lovely, but, um, I really do have to go.
You know, I was thinking, our last night together went so well that what if we had another last night together tonight and then see how that goes and then pencil another one in for the weekend? Do you really want to talk about this again? Only until you change your mind.
My mind is made up.
A gorgeous undocumented immigrant cannot date an MP who's voting to deport him.
I am not voting to deport you.
This bill isn't going to pass.
My little yes is purely political.
Not to me.
Whether it passes or not, it your vote means something.
How am I gonna explain this to my family? To myself? Then you leave me no choice.
I'll vote no.
What? I don't want to do something that could hurt you, not even hypothetically, because I I've grown quite fond of you.
[TENDER MUSIC.]
That is the most romantic thing you've ever said to me.
I'm not saying it's going to be easy for us, but I'm willing to try if you are.
Okay.
ANDREW: Now, to be clear, this doesn't affect my other political opinions.
- Climate change is still a hoax.
- Ugh.
[LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC.]
Now, I know it's too soon to tell, but I've just got this funny feeling it's a girl.
Is everything okay? I just have something I need to tell you.
You don't believe in vaccinations? Me neither.
No.
I'm pretty sure Maya and Kash are hooking up.
What? Really? I didn't think Maya was capable of doing something so interesting.
What do you think I should do? Should I tell Ainsley or confront them? I don't think you should do anything.
What? I thought you were #NoSecrets.
Yeah, between me and you.
But Ainsley just forgave you.
Do you really want to be the one to break her heart? No, I don't.
But I love when the right thing to do is also the easy thing to do.
Hmm.
Come on.
- [GIGGLES.]
- [GROANS.]
You've got a sweet little place in my heart Like a sweet little rain takes care of the flowers And that's love A good kind of love, good kind of love [DOOR CLOSES.]
[SOFT MUSIC.]
Hey, we need to talk.
I Oh, you're all here.
Hey, are you okay? Marcus said you went home sick last night.
I-I didn't want to wake you.
Oh, I'm fine.
Are you okay? What's wrong? Bryce overheard Ainsley insulting him last night, and then she went over to his house to try and fix it and continued insulting him.
I just said we were an unlikely pair.
Why should a 55-year-old man just assume he gets to be with a young woman? What are we, living in a Clint Eastwood movie? Now, I say this with love, but you sound like a shallow, miserable monster.
I am just stating facts.
I'm a catch.
I could go on Bumble right now, and there would be a million age-appropriate, eligible bachelors who would be psyched to be with me.
Okay, here's one.
He's tall.
He went to a good school.
Ah, it's Duffy! - You're on Bumble? - Yeah, I'm on them all.
Bumble, Hinge, this one for vets the animal doctor, not the soldiers.
[WHISPERING.]
I am on one for the soldiers.
But I thought you liked Bryce.
I do.
And there are a bunch of stupid reasons why I wish I didn't, but he's smart and genuine and He's different from anyone I've been with.
And also, you you're different when you're with him.
You're less uptight, less clenched, less, you know - Like Gemma.
- Exactly.
MAYA: I mean, you showed up to a wedding wearing paint-covered overalls because of him.
Yeah.
He makes me feel like Like I don't have to try so hard, like I could peel and eat shrimp in front of him, and he would still look at me the same way.
That sounds like love.
Yeah.
Probably.
I probably love him.
I have to fix this.
Um, was there something you wanted to talk to me about? - [STAMMERS.]
No, it can wait.
- AINSLEY: Okay.
Did you sleep in your clothes, or do you just wear the same thing every day? [SIGHS.]
[SPORTS ANNOUNCER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ON TV.]
- So what are we watching? - Nothing anymore.
Look, Dad, I'm really sorry.
Asif, if you need me, I'll be on my NordicTrack.
Okay, Dad.
Come on, Dad, you can't ignore me forever.
You don't even know how to use the NordicTrack.
HAROON: Yes, I do.
I watched the commercial again.
At least him hating you is getting him to exercise.
DUFFY: What word's funny that we could look up? GEMMA: Ah, Duffy, I have that permission slip for the field trip to see Julius Caesar.
Wait, listen.
There's no creak.
This drawer always had a creak.
Yeah, uh, I fixed it.
You were always complaining about it, so I just put some WD-40 on it Oh.
That's very nice of you.
So what should we do for dinner tonight, boys - Thai food and a movie? - GILES: Yes.
We never finished Coco because Mr.
Duffy was crying so much.
No.
No, I wasn't.
I was You know, just when the little skeleton sings [VOICE BREAKING.]
Remember Me.
I would love to, but I have plans.
Plans? What plans? [GASPS.]
Is it a hot date with one of your Bumble conquests? Uh, actually, yeah.
Oh.
Well, good.
Good and well.
Yeah, her name's Amanda, and she seems pretty cool from her pictures.
Uh, I guess she likes margaritas and the beach.
Right, well, let's get you back to Peath, then, shall we? We wouldn't want to keep Amanda from her margaritas.
[SOFT MUSIC.]
BRYCE: Hello.
Is somebody here? Ainsley? Bryce, hey.
What do you think? [CHUCKLES.]
- Oh, I-I - Um I'm sorry.
I-I didn't realize you had company.
Um, hi.
- Hi.
- Hi, I'm Ainsley.
Ainsley, this is Dawn.
Dawn, Ainsley.
She's, um Oh, I'm just I'm just the decorator.
Yeah.
My decorator.
I realized, um, there was a part of your home that I hadn't finished, and, um, since I still had a key, I kind of broke in.
I really wanted this place to be perfect because you deserve it because you're great.
I'm sorry I didn't realize that sooner.
As your decorator.
Thank you.
Now I'll actually spend more time out here, at least on five days a year when it's not raining.
[SCATTERED LAUGHTER.]
Right? Okay, so, um, enjoy the wine, and, uh, there's a couple steaks on the grill.
They're probably ready - to be turned.
- Oh.
AINSLEY: So [STAMMERING.]
Thank you so much.
[LAUGHING.]
Wow, what a great decorator.
- [DOOR OPENS.]
- Can I get her number? [DOOR CLOSES.]
- [DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
- - - [CELL PHONE BLOOPS.]
Marcus, I'm gonna say this once and once only.
I am not attracted to you.
I would sooner sleep with our old gay boss than with you.
- Am I making myself clear? - ANDREW: Crystal.
I'll keep that in mind in case it doesn't work out with me and every man on the planet.
MARCUS: Good morning, sir.
I, uh, fact-checked your speech in support of the hard borders bill.
Thank you, but I won't be needing that.
Wait, why? - Are you changing your vote? - Of course he isn't.
If he voted against his own party, it would completely scupper his bridge restoration project.
Who cares about bridges? This bill affects thousands of innocent people.
MARCUS: Oh, so you're willing to prioritize immigrants you've never met over bridges you drive over every day? Wow.
Just wow.
[SNORTS.]
No, she's right.
I'm voting no.
Sorry, you're [CLEARS THROAT.]
You're voting no? - That's correct.
- Brave of you.
I-I commend you, sir.
Oh, my God.
I actually changed your mind.
[GASPS.]
I am making a difference.
No, no, stop taking this as a personal victory.
I have it on good authority that a few rebels from the Scottish delegation are also withdrawing their support, so my vote won't matter anyway.
The bill is dead.
So, just for clarity, we are now against bridges? DOCTOR: Here are your sonogram pictures.
Oh, and I'm required by law to give you this pamphlet about pregnancy.
But I'm sure it isn't anything you don't already know.
- Do you have any questions? - Yeah, I do, actually.
When do babies usually start talking? Because I'm sure I heard something.
You know what? Why don't you have a read of the pamphlet? So this is the first one for the both of you? - Yeah.
- Well, I actually have Oh.
Craig has a daughter.
Sorry.
No, it's okay.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
[SERIOUS MUSIC.]
I know you're thinking about Molly.
You know, you've got a perfect excuse to reach out.
Your daughter's gonna be a big sister.
I can't.
I promised Julia I'd stay away.
God, I'm such a moron.
That's okay.
I am, too.
No, I shouldn't have signed those papers.
I thought it was the right thing at the time, but You miss her.
I know.
I see you stalking her soccer coach's Insta page.
- You know about that? - Mm-hmm.
His name's FootballDadDan.
He's always posting videos of his son, who stinks at soccer, by the way.
But sometimes you can catch Molly in the background.
Look, right there.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
[CELL PHONE VIBRATING.]
Hello? Hi, this is Jody from HFR Recruitment.
We spoke a few months ago.
Are you still looking for a job? Uh, yeah, sorry.
Uh, can you hang on? Sorry, hi.
Uh, I sort of stopped looking for a new job.
Back when I called you, I was really unhappy at work, but now I'm just, like, mildly disappointed.
What was the position? A nonprofit that backs female candidates of color is looking for a director.
Jody, that sounds like my dream job.
What are you gonna say next? Idris Elba is my boss? No, he's an actor.
It's unlikely he would be employed in this field.
Are you interested? Yes.
Yeah.
Definitely interested.
Great.
Can you interview tomorrow at 8:00 a.
m.
Eastern Standard Time? The job is in New York.
- Wait, New York? - [DOOR OPENS.]
ANDREW: What are you doing in my office? If you've eaten one of my strawberry sweeties, I will know.
[SOFTLY.]
Sorry, just on the phone.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
- Oh, my God.
- Hi.
I don't really need a lawyer.
I lied to your secretary because I needed to see you.
So you didn't break your neck falling off a booze cruise? - I did, but many years ago.
- [VELCRO RIPPING.]
- I'm Zara.
- JULIA: I know who you are.
The last time we met, you spat at me and called me a home-wrecker.
That was not my best, but I've changed, and so has Craig.
- We're married now.
- Yes, I know.
Saw your wedding on TV.
And we're expecting our first baby.
Oh, congratulations.
The thing is this should be the happiest moment of our lives [WHISPERING.]
But Craig can't stop thinking about Molly.
[NORMAL VOICE.]
Molly, your child, not the drug.
Yes, I know.
And I can't say I haven't thought about contacting Craig.
Molly started asking questions about her father, but I'm just - I'm not ready.
- ZARA: I get it.
But why can't you say Craig's an uncle or a friend from church? My mom brought home loads of them.
No, I'm sorry.
I just Please, just let him come to one football match.
They don't even need to meet.
[SIGHS.]
He just wants to be a part of her life even in the smallest way.
Also, I would love for my daughter to have a sister.
You know, without my body having to be fat again.
Fine.
One game, that's it, and he is silent invisible.
[CHUCKLING.]
Too much.
Sorry.
No touching.
That job sounds perfect for you.
[SCOFFS.]
Except it's in New York.
Yeah, well, you're from there.
You're always talking about how much you love it.
How it has better sandwiches, better tap water, and better rude cab drivers.
Yeah, but it doesn't have you.
No, but maybe I could move there.
Really? Are you serious? Why not? You can do your dream job, and I can be on Broadway.
I mean, selling hot cashews on the street, but still technically on Broadway.
Maybe it's not such a crazy idea.
I mean, if tonight with Ainsley goes as badly as I think it's going to, giving her some space might be a good thing.
Wait, so are we moving to America? Should I read the Wikipedia article about baseball? Slow down.
I don't even know if I'll get the job.
You'll get it.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
- Are you boys all finished? - Mortui sumus.
That means "we're done" in Latin.
No, it doesn't.
I'm so sorry.
You don't have to pay me for today.
Nonsense.
I accidentally ordered these Garfield checks, and you're the only person I feel comfortable using them with.
- Hey, um, can I ask you a question? - Mm.
DUFFY: What are you doing Tuesday? One of the parent chaperones for, uh, Julius Caesar dropped out.
Um, do you want to go? I mean, you could sit next to me.
It could be fun.
Okay.
Yes.
[CHUCKLES.]
It's a date.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Well, not like a date.
- Not like Amanda.
- Oh, right, yeah.
- How'd that go, by the way? - Uh, pretty good, yeah.
Um, actually, we're gonna see each other tonight, so - Oh.
Already? - Yeah.
GILES: Last night went very well.
Mr.
Duffy found out that he and Amanda both like movies and music.
Well, what are the chances? Thank heavens you two found each other.
Right, shall we get you back to Peath? Um, do you mind just dropping me off at the restaurant? Amanda found this funky farm-to-table I'm not your chauffeur.
I can't just drive you around everywhere.
I don't work for you.
You work for me.
I'm sorry, is this about the date? Like, do you not want me to go? No.
How could you eve Do you know what? On second thought, maybe you shouldn't work for me.
What? I don't think you should tutor Giles anymore.
I can find another Latin tutor who I don't need to drive all over God's creation every night.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Okay, yeah, um - if that's what you want.
- It is.
Okay.
[VIDEO GAME BEEPING.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
- Hey.
- Hey.
So how do you feel about helping me do my homework? By which I mean, doing my homework for me? No.
But I do want to ask you something.
I was just talking to Maya.
- She's up for a job in New York.
- That sucks.
Well, better to have loved and lost, right? Well, if she gets it, I was thinking maybe I would go with her.
What do you think? You could finally get your room back.
You're just gonna move to a different country? Well, yeah, but it's only a plane ride away.
And I'd come visit all the time.
I thought you hated having me here.
Dad's right.
You only care about yourself.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
- Hey.
- Hey.
I'm glad you're home.
Do you have time to talk? Uh, yeah.
What's up? You know what? Maybe I should get us some wine first.
Oh, no, no, I-I don't have that long.
I have to leave soon.
I'm going on a date.
A date? Uh, with Bryce? Oh.
No, I'm probably never gonna see Bryce again.
Oh, uh what happened? Well, I went to his house last night to apologize, and he was on a date with a beautiful age-appropriate woman, so that sucked.
Oh, Ains, I'm so sorry.
Yeah, it's okay.
Bryce has move on, and so have I.
I found a guy on Bumble who's handsome enough and owns a boat.
Apparently I'm shallow, so maybe that's what I deserve.
No, stop it.
You deserve real love.
You deserve to be with Bryce.
Well, that's very romantic, but we're adults, and sometimes you don't get to be with the person you want to be with.
It doesn't matter how much you love them.
- Right.
- Shit.
Now I'm late for my date, and my relationship with this guy is gonna be founded on a lie about traffic.
Oh, my God, you didn't say your thing.
I'm sorry.
Can you say it in five words? You you know what? I'll tell you later.
Okay.
[SOFT MUSIC.]
[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING.]
CHARLIE: Again, I'm I'm sorry about the whole valet thing.
It's so embarrassing.
No, it's okay.
Don't worry about it.
No, it's as if he's never parked a Bugatti before.
Now, if he'd handled my boat in that manner, you'd be helping me bury the body.
- [BOTH LAUGHING.]
- No, I'm only kidding.
I only kill animals.
[LAUGHING.]
So, um so tell me about yourself.
Do you do you have any hobbies? - What, outside of banking? - Yeah.
Well, uh, I'm in a fantasy banking league.
Is sex a hobby? Ah, finally.
A waiter.
Um, I'm ready to order for the both of us.
Bryce, hi.
Hi.
Um, what are you doing here? Well, Maya texted me and told me where to find you.
Look, about that woman you saw me with - Oh, that's okay.
I - She's my sister.
So you weren't on a date? Well, this is my brother.
No, um [GROANS.]
This just isn't gonna work, so Right.
Well, I thought we had a really fun rapport, but, okay.
- Go! S-sorry.
- Okay.
That was Sorry.
- Bryce, I'm so sorry.
- No, no.
I've heard enough speeches from you.
My turn.
[CHAIR SCRAPING.]
I get it.
Maybe we don't work on paper.
Tell you what maybe we won't work in practice either.
But I refuse to let Ainsley Howard become a what-if in my life just 'cause of a couple of rude comments.
It'd be like putting a horse down just 'cause he's got a burr in his side.
That's a real hick way to put it.
Sorry.
That was me being shallow again.
Shallow? I don't think so.
I think you're one of the deepest people I know.
The way you think and the way you love the people in your life it's one of my favorite things about you.
So did your brother order an appetizer? - I'm starving.
- [LAUGHS.]
- He was a nightmare.
- Yeah.
You got to swipe the other way next time.
[LAUGHS.]
[CELL PHONE CHIMES.]
All your references mentioned your professionalism.
Well, I pride myself on my professionalism.
ANITA: And the job is yours, if you want it.
[SIGHS.]
Really? - Wow.
Thank you so much.
- [TOILET FLUSHES.]
Uh, thank you for your time.
Uh, good-bye.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
- [KNOCK AT DOOR.]
- Come.
Andrew? There's something I have to talk to you about.
You've been offered a job in America, and you're going to take it.
Wait, how how did you know that? Oh, God, is the office bugged? They called me for a recommendation, but, yes, most of the office is bugged.
You gave me a good recommendation? Yes, well, despite the, uh, frequent lapses into baseless sermonizing and self-help babble, you're good at your job.
Thank you.
And I've learned a lot from you, sir.
You're a good man.
You're doing the right thing tonight with the vote.
Oh, good.
Assurances from a Communist.
I'm gonna miss you.
And even Marcus.
He owes you a thank-you.
I was going to fire him.
But now I can't.
[DOOR OPENS.]
CRAIG: Babe, can we just take off the blindfold? I know where we are.
I just heard a bus say, "Hyde Park".
Stop ruining the surprise.
[SIGHS.]
Okay.
Ta-da! [CHILDREN CHATTERING HAPPILY.]
Baby, we can't be here.
I-I promised Julia I wouldn't go to Molly's games.
I talked to her.
She said you can come this one time.
You've got to keep a low profile, though.
- Thanks, Zar.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Oh, shit! We're losing already! [QUIETLY.]
Oh, shit.
We're losing already.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
[CELL PHONE RINGING.]
- Hey, did you tell her? - No.
She stayed at Bryce's last night.
But I did get the job.
Oh, my God.
Congratulations.
I knew you would.
[LAUGHS.]
I can't wait to show you New York.
It's just like London but with bagels, and sometimes you see Matthew Broderick.
Well, um, I have good news and bad news.
The good news is I'm gonna take you somewhere awesome to celebrate tonight.
The bad news is I don't think I can come to New York with you.
What? Why not? My brother thinks I'm abandoning him.
And my dad still won't talk to me.
I just I just don't think I can leave them right now.
I'm really sorry.
[SIGHS.]
It's okay.
Uh, I understand.
You know, I don't have to take this job.
No, no, come on, you are not putting your career on hold for a man.
We all watched The Wife at Basheer's.
I know.
So we'll do the long-distance thing until you get your family stuff sorted out? And I'll come visit as much as I can.
We'll make it work.
We'll make it work.
So I'll see you tonight, then.
[SOFT MUSIC.]
[DISTANT LAUGHTER, SHOUTING.]
Lloyd George knew my father.
Father knew Lloyd George.
- [KNOCKING.]
- CHESTER: We never doubted you.
Good news, Aldridge we have the votes.
- Hard borders will pass tonight.
- Hear, hear! Uh, I'm sorry, Minister, but what about the Scottish rebels? Angus and Fergus assured me they were voting no.
We got lucky.
I was able to pull the Scottish MPs by promising them a James McAvoy meet and greet.
- Oh! - [LAUGHS.]
Now, enjoy this French champagne, boys.
It's the last thing they'll be getting across the border - for a long time.
- [RUPERT LAUGHS.]
Would it be terribly inconvenient if I voted no? Yes, it would be inconvenient.
We have a majority of one.
Without your vote, it won't pass.
Uh, well, you see, the problem is I'm in love with a man - What? - No, that's not the scandalous part.
I'm in love with a man who is an immigrant.
He has opened my eyes and expanded my heart.
I-I can't do something I know is wrong, even if there may be professional consequences.
You're worried about professional consequences? I mean, of course the party will put up a challenger to your seat, and you'll be out of politics forever, but what of the consequences for our government? For Britain? If this bill goes down, the party goes down with it.
Suddenly the Prime Minister is facing a vote of no confidence.
The opposition will swing into power and bring with them high taxes, strong unions, and the abolition of the monarchy.
Her Majesty is working at a Payless! Is that what you want? No, not particularly.
[GRUMBLES.]
Good.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
BRULE: And what is the passive subjunctive? GILES: Moveo? BRULE: [MIMICS BUZZING.]
- Movet? - [MIMICS BUZZING.]
I miss Mr.
Duffy.
Wait.
You're not him in a Mrs.
Doubtfire costume, are you? Giles, don't be rude.
- Motit.
- [MIMICS BUZZING.]
- GILES: Movamo? - BRULE: [MIMICS BUZZING.]
- GILES: Mobat? - BRULE: [MIMICS BUZZING.]
- GILES: Oh, mobutt.
- BRULE: [MIMICS BUZZING.]
All right, I believe we're done for the day.
I heard that the previous tutor was fed dinner and sometimes invited to watch television with the family.
Can I expect the same hospitality, or do you not like women? [SCOFFS.]
CRAIG: Oh! You know, this is crazy.
Why is FootballDadDan not playing her when his lame kid is on the field? Good try, Scott.
Very good try.
That's not a good try.
A good try indicates that that there was a try.
Okay, well, Molly doesn't seem to mind.
Yeah, because she's a team player.
You know she gets her sportsmanship from me.
Oh! Look, he scored on his own goal! It's bullshit! What? It's bullshit! I was just saying, uh, you know, as as a stranger who happened upon this game, you know, the coach isn't playing his best players.
Oy, you.
Shut up.
I'm sorry.
Team's doing just fine without you coaching from the sidelines.
Oh, really? 11 straight losses.
- That's fine? - Craig! What's your problem? CRAIG: You know, my problem is, is that your best player is sitting on the bench.
Meanwhile, Scott's over there picking his nose, not paying attention.
- That kid's my boy.
- Yeah, I can tell.
Who do you think you are? - PARENT: Ooh.
- [GASPS.]
- Who are you? - I'm nobody.
- DAN: Yeah? - I'm I'm nobody.
- Nobody.
- He's her father.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Yeah! [MOUTHS WORD.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
You always went to your mom whenever you couldn't talk to me.
Abu, what are you doing here? You know, your mother and I came to London to give you a better life.
If you're not happy, then what was our sacrifice for? If your dreams are in New York, then go to New York.
But what about Asif? He needs me here.
My brother is in Pakistan, and I see him every day.
This morning he FaceTimed me from his bathtub.
[LAUGHS.]
You and Asif and I will always be close, even if you are far away.
I want you to be proud of me, Dad.
I want to be proud of you, too.
So, if you're going to be an actor, you must be the greatest actor of all time.
Pakistani Keanu Reeves.
I'll try my best.
You promised he'd be low key.
I know.
I was just trying to defend her.
Yeah, just like when my mom punched that man in the face for looking at me the wrong way.
Turns out he had a lazy eye.
I didn't mean to embarrass you.
I know.
And FootballDadDan's an asshole.
I'm pretty sure he's cheating on his wife with FootballMomJen.
- CRAIG: Oh.
- ZARA: Oh, my God.
MOLLY: Mommy, did you see the goal I scored? JULIA: I did, love.
You were amazing.
Who's the man? I'm the man.
JULIA: [CHUCKLES.]
Oh, my gosh.
She's exactly like you.
Who are you? - I'm - This is, uh My friend from church, Craig.
Hello, Mr.
Craig.
Hello.
It's nice to meet you.
You know, on your corner kick, you can put a little more lift on the ball.
- You want me to show you? - Yes, please.
Come on.
[LAUGHS.]
All right, now, get ready.
Come on.
Teach you how to do it.
Can we spend Christmas together this year? Too soon.
Too soon.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
Oh, uh, good evening, madam.
Um, is Tony here? - Antoine! - TONY 2: Hmm? A butler from a cartoon is here to see you.
Andrew.
- What are you doing here? - Uh, we need to talk.
Um The immigration bill is going to pass tonight.
But you're still voting no, no? I can't, but there is a solution.
I know it's only been a couple of months, but you have changed me.
You have changed my life.
And I can't imagine it without you.
Andrew what are what are you saying? What I'm saying is I love you, Tony.
Will you marry me? Say yes, dumbass.
You're not rich.
[SCATTERED GIGGLES.]
[SOFT MUSIC.]
Are you planning on marrying my grandfather, too? And my cousin or or Aunt Lenora? I've got a boyfriend.
He's in a band.
Can you marry every immigrant in London who's put at risk? I'm sorry, but My answer's no.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
- Bye, Mummy.
- Bye, darling.
Have fun.
Hi, Duffy.
Hi, Gemma.
I just wanted to apologize for firing you.
[CHUCKLES.]
The truth is it wasn't because I'm sick of driving you.
Oh, it wasn't? No.
No, you were a great tutor for Giles.
Well, if I'm really being honest, uh Driving you back to Peath is It's not such an inconvenience.
Uh, it gives me a chance to listen to my audiobooks, which is handy, since I can't figure out how to unsubscribe from Audible, so Right.
Uh, and that that's it? Yeah, that's it.
Yeah, um So I guess I'll just see you Monday, then.
Yes, right.
- See you on Monday.
- Great.
MAYA: Mamma Mia? - Are you surprised? - Very.
Oh, thank God I'm wearing flats.
We're gonna be dancing in the aisles.
Thank you.
[SIGHS.]
I'm gonna miss you so much.
I know.
I'm gonna miss you, too which is why I think it would be better if I just came with you.
Wait.
Are you serious? What about your dad? He changed his mind.
He just wants me to be happy.
[GASPS.]
Oh, my God! Are you coming to New York? I'm coming to New York.
[BAD NEW YORK ACCENT.]
I'm a New Yorker.
- [NORMAL VOICE.]
Was that good? - Terrible.
[LAUGHS.]
[TENDER MUSIC.]
Duffy? Duffy! Duffy, I know you have to go in there, but I really need to tell you something.
It's the best part of my day, too.
No, no, n Sorry, what? Driving back to Peath with you is the best part of my day.
And I know I don't, like, own a country home or a credit card, but there is no other person in the entire world that I would rather spend time with than you.
I feel the same way.
[KNOCK AT DOOR.]
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
Mr.
Aldridge, is everything okay? Uh, yes.
Do you mind if I come in? I don't feel exactly safe in this neighborhood.
- We're in Notting Hill.
- Exactly.
Uh, where's Maya? I have a very difficult decision to make tonight, and and I need her help.
I actually don't know.
She's supposed to be home in a couple hours.
- Have you tried calling her? - Several times.
She's ignoring my calls, which, by the way, if she hadn't quit, I would fire her for.
Wait.
What do you mean she quit? She got that job in New York and quit today.
Oh, my God.
That's what she's been trying to tell me.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Can we name her after my grandma? Which one? Lucy or Dorcus? Hmm.
Oh.
[CELL PHONE CHIMES.]
Oh, God.
[CELL PHONES CHIMING.]
- BOTH: Oh, shit.
- She found out about Maya and Kash.
- I know what this is about.
- You do? Maya and Kash.
I just saw them.
It's why I ran back.
Wait.
That's why you ran back? Oh, and also to tell you I had feelings for you, of course.
[KNOCK AT DOOR.]
Uh, the division bell has rung, sir.
Uh, you have eight minutes to make your way to the vote.
I know what the division bell means, Marcus.
I've been voting since before you were born, since George Michael sang about women.
[SCOFFS.]
Okay.
Oh, and just so you know, uh, my parents are immigrants.
Oh, Marcus, I didn't know.
Oh, no, they should not have been let into the country.
Terrible people.
Oh, no, you're doing the right thing, sir.
[SIGHS.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
- He's here.
He's here.
- CHESTER: Quiet.
Follow me.
RUPERT: Bertie, lovely to see you.
I'll see you later.
Catch you later.
Andrew, thank God you've changed your mind.
Sorry I had to be such a nag earlier.
- Who am I? My wife? - [LAUGHTER.]
Welcome home, mate.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
This is not my home.
I can't do this.
Damn it, Aldridge.
Just find another boyfriend! This is not about Tony.
It's about thousands of other Tony's who are forced to live in the shadows.
Real people, people with hopes and dreams, who are no less deserving of dignity than than anyone else in this corridor! Oh, I know England is struggling, but the solution is not simply in keeping people out.
We are at our best when we let people in.
People like Mo Salah Sigmund Freud Rita Ora - The Duke of Edinburgh.
- [MEMBERS GROAN.]
If you really care about the future of Britain, you will not close Her borders, but instead you will open your hearts.
[MEMBERS JEERING.]
- See what you've done now? - I've made my decision.
CHESTER: See what you've done now? - Shame on you! Shame on you! - Who threw that? NEWSCASTER: After a contentious vote, the government has been defeated on its flagship hard borders bill.
A lone conservative rebel, Andrew Aldridge, voted against the bill he once championed.
Well, if you don't marry him now, I will.
[LAUGHTER.]
[SOFT MUSIC.]
AINSLEY: Hey, sorry for calling you all over.
I just I don't know what to do.
I'm crushed about Maya.
She told you? Wait.
Did she tell you? Uh, not exactly.
I heard from Marcus.
Also, I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner.
I just didn't want you to hear it from me.
Well, I mean, obviously I'm shocked.
But I-I just thought maybe if we were all together that we could figure out a way to stop her.
What is there to stop? It is on.
Let the record show I only found out about this an hour ago, and I wanted to tell you right away.
Hmm.
I have to say, you're taking it very well.
Well, I mean, I get why she's doing it.
I just [SIGHS.]
Really wish she wasn't.
Wow.
I would never be that forgiving if Craig was sleeping with my ex-fiancée.
What? Wait, what what are what are you talking about? [SCOFFS.]
Uh, Maya's boss just came over here and told me that she got the job in New York and she's moving at the end of the month.
Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
Yeah, that's what we're talking about, too.
- DUFFY: Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
[SCOFFS.]
[GLASS CLATTERS ON TABLE.]
Is something going on with Maya and Kash? GEMMA: Yes.
They're together.
No.
Th that's not possible.
[STAMMERS.]
She wouldn't do that.
- [DOOR OPENS.]
- MAYA: Ains, you here? [FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING.]
Oh, hi, everyone.
Are you dating Kash? - What? - Tell me the truth.
Are you sleeping with my ex-fiancé? [GASPS.]
Oh, my God.
I'm so sorry.
I have been trying to tell you for the last AINSLEY: No, stop! I can't listen to this.
[VOICE BREAKING.]
We didn't mean for this to happen.
"We"? I would never want to do anything to hurt you.
No, I said stop! There's nothing you can say that can make this okay! He's the airport guy! What? What does that even mean? He's the guy at the airport who helped me.
Remember, the day of your birthday party? Caramel Ryan Gosling? That was Kash.
But I had no idea he was your boyfriend when we met.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
So th this has been going on for two years? No, no.
God, I swear.
You swear? How am I supposed to believe you? You're a liar! Oh, my God! [CRYING.]
I'm going to Gemma's, and when I come back tomorrow, I want you out of here.
Take all of your stuff and get the fuck out of my house.
I never want to see you again! [CRYING.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
[CRYING.]
[SNIFFLES.]
[POUNDING ON DOOR.]
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
[CRYING.]
- Maya, what's wrong? - She knows.
Ainsley found out, and now she hates me.
God, I knew this was gonna happen! - I'm so sorry.
- No, we can't do this.
Yes, yes, we can.
I can't be with you.
We're bad people.
We can't start a relationship like this.
Don't say that.
Listen to me.
I love you.
[BISHOP BRIGGS' "HOLY WATER".]
I love you.
I love you.
It doesn't matter.
Maya.
Maya, wait! Please go.
SINGER: You looked lost Mm, mm, mm, mm When you saw me running to you It was love Mm, mm, mm, mm But I guess that wasn't enough How do we break if my heart's still beating? Love is not fake when someone's leaving How do we break if my heart's still beating? Love is not fake In holy water Wash away the shame In holy water Wash away the blame Wash away the shame In holy water Wash away the blame I was scheming, begging, not believing All the things you used to say Scared I'm losing all my patience Giving too much away You look lost Mm, mm, mm, mm PERSON: Go to bed.