GCB (2012) s01e09 Episode Script
Adam & Eve’s Rib
"And Adam said, 'this is now bone of my bones, "flesh of my flesh.
"She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man.
'" since you share my bone, does that mean you're as amazing as me? That's an awfully personal question for someone I've only been dating for a few weeks.
Oh, really? Way more amazing.
Ah! "and were not ashamed.
" This ends the reading of the holy word.
Now announcements.
Speaking of ribs As you all know, this is the week of the annual Dallas interfaith barbecue invitational.
Five Dallas churches and one synagogue will enter teams, with all proceeds going to charity.
Now I would like to encourage all able-bodied men to join our team, "braise the lord.
" Uh, our first meeting will be in the narthex after coffee hour.
And for all y'all who stick around, our very own Sharon Peacham has graciously agreed to provide thematically appropriate snacks.
Hope y'all enjoy! All I know is that it was weird.
Ladies! What better way to show our braise the lord team spirit than with some braise-inet swag? We have to cheer our husbands on to victory.
Oh.
I'm sorry, Heather.
I only have enough foam fingers for the wives.
And I don't see a ring on yours yet.
I need a plus one to support a church charity? Oh, Heather, darlin', of course you can support our team, just not as one of us.
You'd be a fool to miss the barbecue competition.
It is full of successful men, and we all know Mm.
Heather, darlin', you let me know when your marital status changes, and I'd be more than happy to give you the finger.
Bye, sweetheart.
I'm so sorry, peanut.
I can't do it.
Losin' it with Jesus is making me lose my mind.
I think I need to rent a kitchen to keep up with the demand.
Mm.
I'm gonna be a no-show, too.
Blake won't be smoking any hot links with the boys this year.
That's gonna hurt the team.
Blake knows his way around a sausage.
Can't be helped.
After this month's ovulation window slammed shut, we both decided we needed a little break from the baby train.
He's up at the ranch, breaking a new stallion, and I am in search of a stud For Cleopatra's crown! Oh, crick! You got her! Oh, you did it! Congratulations.
That's wonderful.
After I saw her win the preakness, I just had to have her.
She's the most beautiful horse I have ever seen.
So you have any suitors? I think careful genetic engineering is a clever way to do things.
Mm-hmm.
Sword of Caesar, the belmont winner, is my first choice.
I'm determined to get my hands on the best semen money can buy.
Sharon, honey, come here a minute.
Excuse me, ladies.
I want you to meet Brenda Bradley.
Brenda is a writer for the "hillside park gazette.
" A pleasure.
I saw you selling your diet plan on "Texas excess," and we are dying to do a piece on losin' it with Jesus.
Perhaps a photo? We've got 511 clients.
That means three Bible-based meals a day, six days a week, and on the seventh day, we rest Unless I gotta go down to Mexico and supervise our "basketeria.
" That's Mexican for "basket factory.
" You want to talk now? We'll shoot you in the sanctuary.
Oh.
That's a great idea.
Actually, I think this will work better woman-to-woman.
We won't be long.
Hon, can you hold my purse? Will, my boy, barbecue's a grand ol' Texas tradition.
Well, you oughta come over and join our team, braise the lord.
We could use some new blood now that old burl here is retirin'.
Yeah, I left at the top of my game.
Seven consecutive wins.
Thanks.
Not really my thing.
Oh, once you taste that brisket, cooked for 12 hours until it has that perfect smoke ring and just falls apart it'll be your thing.
Sounds fun to me.
Can I join? Goodness, no, Laura.
That's sweet of you, but our little competition here is a man's game.
Yeah.
- A man's game? - Mm-hmm.
You must be kidding.
Have you ever heard of the WNBA, the LPGA, Danica Patrick? Now there's no need to get political.
There's still plenty for girls to do.
Yeah, carnival games and such, and, well, getting us drinks.
Uh, those grills are hot as hell.
Oh, ho, yeah! Keepin' us hydrated now that'll be a blast.
That's right.
Okay.
Okay, everybody.
It's time to put your coffee and piggy pops down and put your hands together for our very own hillside park united memorial barbecue team, braise the lord! Get on up here.
Really? No one has any issue with this boys-only weenie pull? Okay.
You see, grilling meat is a male art form.
In the cowboy days, down on the range And it's so stupid.
I am just saying that it is a throwback, it is sexist, and it sends a completely wrong message to our daughters.
Whoa.
Whoa, whoa.
It's just a barbecue.
Don't get upset.
I don't get upset.
I just don't take "no" for an answer.
Please, dear, God, please give us victory over shared remembrance church, trounce St.
Abigail's Oh, this isn't good.
And triumph over temple b'Nai Israel although there's no way they can win a barbecue competition without pork.
In Jesus' name hold the "amen.
" Amanda.
I just thought I'd give you something more to pray for.
Um Hello, everybody.
I would like to announce the formation of the first all-female team to compete in the Dallas interfaith barbecue invitational with me as their captain and Laura as my sous chef.
Really? Smokin'! Amanda, I don't know what you're thinkin', but we're burnin' charcoal here, not bras.
I'm thinking that we're just as entitled to start a team as any man.
Oh, dear.
Carry on, Carlene.
And dear lord, we'd also like to pray for Amanda.
Please give her grace in defeat.
Or victory.
Thy will be done.
Amen! Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
Whoo! Ta-da! What is that? That, my darlin', is your late granddaddy's old smoker.
Me, Howard stopper, and the rest of the church's men's team won best brisket for hillside park seven times with old blackie here.
And now the magic belongs to us.
We gotta change that name though.
Smells like Burnt pig.
Well, that's the smell of victory.
Son, we need to get to cowboys stadium.
Kickoff's in 20.
So let's go.
Y'all have fun.
Mm.
Mwah.
I was thinking Yes.
We could make some of those tofu lime-spiced circles, you know, that they serve at surf week in Santa Barbara? Oh, and maybe some artichokes.
Oh.
You're serious? Honey, that's so sweet, but we're in Texas.
Here, "barbecue" means meat.
And brisket's big.
Don't take this the wrong way, but did you even find anybody else to be on your team yet? I hung a sign-up team in church, and I think the ladies were hesitant to show their support in front of their husbands, but I know that there's a little Gloria steinem in every woman.
A Gloria what? Which is exactly why we're doing this.
So how about it, mama? You wanna come aboard? Three generations of stopper women stickin' it to the guys? Back in my day, a feminist was a woman who avoided the kitchen like the plague But I'd be honored.
Whoo! Whoo! Three stopper girls unstoppable.
I love it! Let's get to it! Whoo-hoo! Oh! Ooh.
"Rub your meat fully to Refrigerate.
" Ripp.
Hmm? I know you've been focused on the church barbecue competition this week, but I thought you might enjoy taking a break and watching my passion.
Baby, you know I love it when you put yourself on film.
Are you naked? Press "play" and you'll find out.
And the lord God said, "I will bring them to the land of milk and honey.
" Welcome to the world of faith-based housing, where you and your family can live with your spiritual brothers and sisters In fellowship.
Break bread with your guests at our feeding the 5,000 all-you-can-eat buffet or enjoy our Bible-inspired amusement, like the river Jordan water park and our 40 days and 40 nights wilderness adventure.
All of this and more awaits you at condos for Christian living, U.
S.
A.
! It's Carlene, I know it's your dream, but you know it's not legal.
We have to build the condos in Mexico.
No, we don't.
I know how obsessed you've been with unincorporated juarez, but I've found a reservation in Oklahoma that meets all our needs.
God bless those native Americans.
And thank God we've made up for all the terrible things we've done to 'em.
Now if we build on their land, we won't be subject to any of our annoying discrimination housing laws.
We can keep my condos right here in America.
Darlin', I have to run it by burl and Luke.
They're shareholders in the project, too.
Can't you act a little bit excited? Support me.
This is my lifelong dream.
If Dolly can have her dollywood, I can have my holy-wood.
It's not that I'm not supportive, kitten.
It's just I've got a lot going on.
I know.
Team chairman is a big responsibility.
Mm.
Now, um How you boys smokin' your meat this year? Now you know I can't tell you that.
It's a guy thing.
If I told you, I'd have to kill you.
Just torture me a little.
Oh.
Mason massey is here.
Send him in in four seconds.
Two three.
Cricket Caruth.
Mr.
massey.
Please have a seat.
Your stallion, sword of Caesar, has got what my mare, Cleopatra's crown, needs.
And I have got a number I'm ready to pay.
What did you have in mind? More than that.
Double, in fact.
You don't think that's excessive? 'Cause I sure as hell do.
Shane Rushton paid it twice last year.
Got his two best foals out of the deal.
What can I say? Caesar always satisfies.
You have a lot of confidence.
I have to admit, that intrigues me.
But I have confidence, too.
I want a live foal guarantee against two no-fee rebreeds the following season, if I pay your fee.
Oh, you'll pay.
Mm-hmm.
And what makes you say that? Obviously, you're a woman who knows what she wants And goes after it when she sees it.
If that weren't the case, I wouldn't be here.
Would I? Have Caesar trailered to my ranch this afternoon.
Then we got a deal? I would have taken half.
Carlene, why are you hosting an all-day women's spa retreat on the same day as the competition? It seemed like the perfect timing, what with all the men occupied with barbecue.
You realize by doing this you'll have to miss the competition yourself? Don't be silly.
I'm just picking up the tab.
There's still room if you'd like to go.
They have a great laser treatment.
You could burn off those your Uh Um, your Well, I'm sure they could find something somewhere.
Carlene, I entered this contest to show my daughter that a woman can do anything a man can.
Why are you going so far out of your way to stop me? You may have forgotten while living in a blue state that men and women play different roles, Amanda.
The Bible makes that abundantly clear.
Last time I checked, barbecue isn't specified.
Neither is the "Jersey shore," but we can presume what the almighty thinks about that.
You are always saying your husband's victory is your victory.
Couldn't your victory be his? Oh, poor Amanda.
In a godly marriage, there is no "his" or "hers," only "we.
" Things are only gonna get worse for you this week.
No one would think any less of you for dropping out.
There is a little somethin' Heather, please? I know you hate to cook, but I need you on my team.
Nuh-unh! I'm not going anywhere near that barbecue.
Why not? A bunch of married men being cheered on by their pampered wives? Amanda, your order's ready.
No, thank you.
Do not move.
I'm not giving up on you.
Hey, doc.
Can I get you something'? The usual.
You know Mrs.
Cockburn won't take money from the surgeon.
It's on the house.
You keep it.
So you're Carlene's surgeon? Uh-oh.
What have you heard about me? Nothin'.
I'm shocked she lets you out in public.
I bet you could retire off of her.
Well, she does love the way I trim her fat.
I'm Heather.
What's your specialty? Danny.
Everything.
Mm.
Okay, so tell me what you think.
Should I make an appointment with you? Oh I don't think that's necessary.
Um, I'm sorry.
I'm I'm trying to flirt, not get a free consult.
And, uh, I'm trying to follow, and I want to, believe me, but I gotta get back to work.
It's my busy season.
Would it be weird if I called you? No, that wouldn't be weird at all.
I'd love it.
Good.
Plastic surgery has a busy season? Danny.
Huh? There you are.
Thank God you made it.
I'm doing the barbecue first girls-only church team and I need your brisket.
Shoot, Amanda, we're all sold out.
Every team in Dallas had their order in a month ago.
Okay, well, if I find any, what kind should I get? Well, the best of Japanese wagyu crossed with the best of Texas Angus.
Wangus the most tender meat on earth.
You're a butcher.
Yes, ma'am.
I supply the restaurant.
Oh, no.
You thought I was a real doctor, didn't you? Misunderstandin'.
My fault.
My fault.
No.
I should've been much clearer.
Uh Heather, how do I reach you? Uh, you're going to the barbecue, right? Mm-hmm.
I'll see you there.
Okay.
Mm.
Right.
Sorry I couldn't help you, Amanda.
Mm.
Heather.
Mm.
Danny is a really nice guy, and I know you're not going to the barbecue.
So why would you blow him off? I know this is gonna sound awful, but I've tried this before.
What? If I make more money than the guy I'm datin', it never works out.
Believe me.
Never.
Copy that.
Zack.
Did you offer a brand new g-class as a prize for the barbecue winner? 'Cause when the ladies told me that, I said it couldn't possibly be true.
Well Maybe.
But what about all the money troubles you're having with the dealership? You're gonna eat up all the profits we're making from my meal plan.
It's great publicity.
The winning team always donates the prize to charity.
If you want publicity, you take out an ad in "the Dallas morning news.
" But every year, someone from our team donates something really awesome.
I mean, and this year it's my turn.
If I backed out now, how would that look to the guys? I don't care how it looks to the guys.
How about how it looks to your wife? We can't afford it.
Shar-bear, I love you, but how about you stay out of my business and I stay out of yours? Okay? This is insane.
Is there really a difference between white and black pepper? I'm the last one to give cooking advice, but should there really be that much smoke? That's why they call it a smoker, mother.
Good afternoon, ladies.
Hey.
I'll just freshen up my drink.
Perfect timing.
Mwah.
M! M! You smell like camp.
You get to taste Oh, dear.
My brisket.
Ah Do I have to? This is my fifth one.
Yeah.
I only have four days to achieve pit mastery.
Luke, what did I get myself into? Oh, looks to me like you just started off too hot.
The secret is keeping it low and slow.
You have to watch the vents.
Nothing here I can't handle.
Uh, you know what? This, uh baby.
You know what, baby? You run.
This is a women's team.
I have to be able to do this by myself.
Are we looking at the same piece of meat right now? I don't need you to solve my problems.
I would rather fail than win with your help.
Okay.
I guess I'll just go then.
Okay, no, that just came out wrong.
I no, it's fine.
All right? I should go anyway.
I'll call you in a couple days.
What do you mean, a couple days? Yeah, I've got some work stuff I gotta deal with.
In Austin? Baby, I'll call you.
All right? Oh, uh, and you might want to check that out.
Ohh! Darling.
Hmm? What's wrong? Oh, let's see.
Where to start? I murdered my brisket, I scared off my boyfriend, and I started a barbecue team no one wants to join, thanks to Carlene.
So to sum it up, I'm a total failure.
There's nothing I can do about Luke, but I could sic Tony and Romo on Carlene.
They already think she's a chew toy.
Daddy and I we used to do absolutely everything together, but he wouldn't let me break through the charcoal ceiling.
He always said he didn't want his pretty little girl to get dirty.
I just wanted it to be different for Laura.
Well, the fact remains boy or girl you got smoke in your blood.
Wait.
Daddy used to say that it's not the brisket It's the smoke.
It's the smoke that gives it the flavor.
Do you know where he got his wood? Hmm.
Hey.
I got your message.
Oh.
Horse cams.
Mr.
massey, you promised your stud would deliver, and as you can see on my live feed, Caesar hasn't swung his sword all day.
You changed your lipstick.
Nice color.
I'm I'm not wearing lipstick.
It's It's a gloss I'm wearing.
It's a lip gloss.
Well, you didn't have to go get all glossy for me.
Or did you? I don't like what you're implying, Mr.
massey.
And what might that be? That you and I have Chemistry.
I assure you, when we're in a room together, sex is the last thing that's gonna happen.
Mm.
Well, I think Cleopatra's crown and sword of Caesar disagree.
Oh, well, that's And you owe me my fee.
You'll get your money.
A Caruth is as good as her word.
Hmm.
That's how my daddybo raised me.
My daddy did business with Clint Caruth back in the day.
He didn't have a kind word to say about that man.
It can't be easy to be his daughter.
It might've been easier to be his son.
Huh! That's my phone.
Um, I'm sorry.
This is urgent.
I've got to take it.
Um, we can continue this later.
Mm-hmm.
Cricket Caruth-Reilly.
Where exactly? It seems awfully remote.
Are you sure burl was being honest about where to find the wood? Yes, I am sure.
A glass of bourbon and a low-cut top works better than truth serum on that man.
He says that your daddy always used the wood from a pecan tree on pepper creek.
It seems that the riverbed gives the smoke a very unique flavor.
Absolutely impossible to replicate.
And here it is.
Sharon? Amanda, I know you need help on your barbecue team, and I'm willing to join on one condition if we win, I get the car.
No questions asked.
But isn't it from Zack's dealership? No questions! Okay.
Yes, it's a deal.
Now I-I have smoke covered, but I still need a sauce.
Tomato-based, mustard-based, vinegar-based? Surprise me.
Freeze.
Um, I'm gonna have to call you back, Sharon.
Hello, Amanda.
Gigi, pepper creek is on cricket's land? Of course it is.
Both your daddies were on the same barbecue team.
You're in my thicket in the middle of the night, I'm curious.
Why? Look, cricket, this is Dallas, and I know barbecue is a man's game, but I have a girl at home who really wants to play, and "ladies just don't do that" isn't the answer I want to give her.
You have a daughter, too.
Don't you want her to grow up in a world where she can do whatever she wants? Daddybo always did love this pecan tree.
Ohh! Take as much as you want.
Aah! Oh.
Okay, now y'all just go through the back door to get to my icebox.
Yes, ma'am.
What's with all the brisket? Just creating a little shortage.
If Amanda can't get her hands on any prime wangus, well, then I guess it's just the lord's will.
Smart thinkin', tenderloin.
So when you played golf with Uncle burl, did you mention my condos? I did.
And, uh, old burl was not too keen on the Oklahoma of it all.
So we called up Luke and we had a quick vote and, uh three to one.
I'm sorry, kitten.
It's not gonna work out.
The condos are stayin' in Mexico.
Three to one? You voted against me? I thought we were on the same side! Now, kitten, don't be like this.
How could you not fight for me, Ripp? I spent the entire afternoon buying up every piece of high-end brisket in Dallas for you.
These condos have been a dream of mine since high school.
When I was so sad and alone, I dreamed of a community without cruelty or spite or Amanda.
Kitten, I know you're disappointed.
But three highly accomplished businessmen have taken a close look at the situation, and we know this is the way to go.
Now pick yourself up All right.
'Cause I'm gonna need all your support if I'm gonna win this barbecue competition.
Okay? Thank you, sir.
Hey.
Hey, you.
Small world.
Small world? Nice try.
Amanda said you found some brisket, and you wouldn't hand it over unless I came here to pick it up.
That's right.
Well, here I am, Danny.
Where's your wangus? When we met the other day, there was a connection, right? Danny, I am sorry if I hurt your feelings.
Hey, you're not the first woman to be turned off by my job.
Heck, I look like a dang serial killer by the end of the day.
That's not it.
Look, I just don't think that we're a good match.
Am I not rich enough for you? Look, it's not that, okay? I know firsthand guys resent women who make more money than they do.
Insecure guys, maybe.
But tell me do I look insecure? Don't forget.
We're in an economic downturn right now, and this is Texas.
People will stop buying houses before they give up their meat.
My prospects are better than yours.
Never thought of it that way.
Well, I'm sorry you dated a bunch of idiots before.
But all it takes is meeting one good guy.
Maybe that's me.
Come on.
One brisket, one date.
Fine.
Call me sometime.
Right now I need to get back to my crazy friend and her feminist grilling agenda.
Here you go.
I hope you gals win.
Yeah, well, I'm not on the team.
Well, that's too bad 'Cause girls who play with fire are hot.
Hey, uh, Amanda, I got your brisket.
Do you and Laura have room for one more? Lord, I need your forgiveness.
I fought with Ripp this afternoon, and I worry that in my attempts to build my condos, I've stepped outside my role as a godly wife.
I pray that you show me the way to restore the natural order of things, and I Whoa! That is smokin'! Excuse me, lord.
Whoo! High five.
High five.
Sharon, just a pinch of this? Ahh.
Sleep tight, kid.
We got a big day tomorrow.
Okay.
Baking soda.
What am I doing? Tony.
Romo.
Shh.
Good boy.
Good boy.
What did I do? Down, down! Tony.
Romo.
Oh, no! Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad doggies.
Out! Out! Out! I hate those dogs.
Laura's gonna be so disappointed.
Oh, darling, I don't think you ought to worry about Laura.
She'll be fine.
I know.
I just ugh.
I didn't just do this for her, mama.
I did it for me.
Looking back on my marriage, I should have realized that something was up.
It didn't make sense that everything bill touched turned to gold.
But I liked that life never having to worry about money or making hard decisions, and I just I just miss it.
And I know that it wouldn't be that hard for me to find a man in this city to give me that life again.
But what kind of example is that to set for Laura? To let some man think for me or take away my voice or Treat me like Nothing more than some lapdog or some cute little kitten.
You are so much more than that.
Shh.
Shh.
Shh.
Shh.
Shh.
Shh.
Shh.
Shh.
Precious girl.
Carlene? What the hell are you doing here? You did this! I-I might've come here to ruin your brisket, but I also changed my mind.
I knew it was wrong, and I shouldn't do it.
- And I was so mad at Ripp, I took it out on you.
- Tony! Romo! I can I can I can make it up to you.
I can make it up to you.
Across the street, there's enough five-star brisket to feed cowboys stadium.
It's all yours on one condition.
What? What?! Let me be a part of your team.
I still don't see why I can't get a shirt, too.
'Cause you're only 16.
Just thought I'd show you how it's done.
Mmm.
Tasty.
Almost good enough to win.
Y'all have fun now.
Racks Let's roll.
Gentlemen.
What the hell are you doing? I'm helping you out.
I made a killer sauce, and Amanda said that if we win, I get to keep the car.
This way, you still get to do your big donation, but the car stays in the family.
And best of all, the boys don't have to find out you're having dealership troubles.
Sharon, I do not need you to fix all our problems.
You you're acting like the man of the house.
The only reason I'm doing this is because you encouraged me.
You even came up with the name, "losin' it with Jesus.
" Blake and cricket work together.
Why can't we? It is one thing for a woman to work in a man's world, like cricket, but for a man To work in a woman's world, it's just It We're gonna beat you! Ripp! Sharon has a secret sauce.
Huddle.
Come on.
Mathews, you keep that marinade stirred.
Jackson, you baste like your life depends on it.
Zack, you don't take your eyes off that meat thermometer.
Never.
Now give it to me.
One, two, three.
Grill it to kill it! It's on, boys.
Okay.
It's cricket.
Cricket Caruth.
- This is Mason massey.
Leave a message.
- Mason.
Cricket Caruth calling.
I believe I owe you a little somethin' a check.
I figured you'd want to come by and pick it up yourself.
I will be at my office Uh, you know, scratch that.
Uh, just so much on the plate right now, so I will just have my girl drop it in the mail.
Good day.
Amanda, this is certainly a surprise.
Oh, pastor tudor, I-I hope the shirts aren't too much for you.
I-I was talking about all you ladies working together.
I think this is great.
This is the best I've seen you all get along since you came to hillside.
Oh, ho, Johnny.
I wish I could be as bold as you no collar at a church function.
My wife always says you did have a wild streak back at seminary.
It's 300 degrees out here, Steve.
You're lucky hot as hell doesn't bother you.
You have a women's team as well as a men's.
Spicy racks? Hmm.
Not at all offensive or inappropriate for young children.
A healthy competition is good.
Both teams playing increases our chances for success.
What do you have against racks, reverend Steve? I prefer wangus.
Well, may the best man win.
Don't leave me hangin'.
Can you go to hell for hating somebody? I hope not.
I really, really hope not.
Really.
Cricket, what are you doing here? I'm being pulled in different directions at work.
I needed a distraction.
Hey, Heather.
Hi.
Sure smells great over here.
Thank you.
Good luck, ladies.
See you later.
Yes, ma'am.
Who's the hot guy? Someone I'm having drinks with later.
Okay, his name is Danny.
He is not rich.
He doesn't belong to the country club.
He's a butcher.
And if anyone has anything to say about it, I will take your internal temperature with this meat probe.
No judgment here.
Don't get me started on rich men.
They think they can get whatever they want just 'cause of the size of their wallet.
Money doesn't matter, especially if you don't get to choose what to do with it.
And it's no guarantee of happiness.
I married a rich guy and see how that turned out? Truth be, I'd rather have the man than the money.
Success is fleeting, sweetheart, but a good head of hair now that is forever, and it looks like Danny's got one.
Amen.
And a nice butt.
Oh.
Laura! Don't blame the girl.
A nice butt's a nice butt.
Yours ain't so bad either.
You talking to me? You gals are puttin' the "Barbie" back into barbecue! Okay, ladies, just ignore him.
Yes, let us turn the other cheek.
Turn whatever cheek you like, honey.
Hey! You're that chick from TV.
No.
Yeah! You are.
You're that, uh Losin' it with Jesus lady.
Hey, how about you losin' it with me? Hey.
Mind your manners, son.
That's no way to talk to a lady.
Shut up! Oh, Zack! Ooh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Zack! Ooh! Judges, this is a true blind tasting.
No peeking and no clues from the crowd.
We'll just have to see what they come up with.
Easy.
Ow! I can't even defend you right.
You had to step up and finish the job.
Zack Peacham, you stop talking like that right now.
We knocked that fool out together, as a team, 'cause that's what we do.
You are my hero.
Really? Mm-hmm.
Mr.
Peacham? Peacham luxury motors? Yes, sir? Richard Dillard, R.
H.
W.
D.
Industries.
I just wanted to say that donating one of your cars today was a class act.
Sticking up for your little lady even classier.
Thanks.
I won't keep you, but, uh, give me a call on Monday.
I want you to set up my V.
P.
s with a fleet of nice wheels.
Thank you, sir.
Ma'am.
Sir.
Ow! That's amazing.
Whoo-hoo! Well, it's been a heck of a contest this year.
Ain't that right? And I want to thank all the pastors and reverends who helped us judge.
Oh, and a-a special thank you to our head judge rabbi Nussbaum.
Shalom.
And now, as barbecuer emeritus, it is my honor to announce this year's winner for best barbecue.
And the winner is Well, what do you know? It's spicy racks.
Take that, daddybo! Aah! Congratulations, Amanda.
Thanks.
I am super proud of you, mom.
Oh! Whoo-hoo! Aah! Good job! Spicy racks! Spicy racks! Spicy racks! Spicy racks! Spicy racks! Whoo! Yes! I'm truly surprised, Carlene.
I'm not the only one of us who can go behind the other one's back.
I've always supported you, Ripp.
How could you not support me? It's complicated.
Well, I'm fixin' to uncomplicate it.
I've dismantled the board of condos for Christian living and appointed myself sole C.
E.
O.
First thing Monday, I'm getting started on a land survey in Oklahoma.
I'm gonna have to bring in some special lawyers to deal with reservation regulations.
But that's okay.
I learned it all from you.
Kitten.
The condos are staying in Mexico.
Why? The lord told me.
He spoke to you? Like Daniel? And Isaiah? I didn't tell you 'cause this project is your baby.
I didn't know how you'd feel God telling me somethin' instead of you.
But, Ripp, it's been my dream that you would become as invested in this project as I am.
God answered my prayer.
What did his voice sound like? A cross between Billy Graham and Kris Kristofferson? It was Terrifying.
Well If the good lord told you, I can't stand in his way.
What are you doing here? Didn't you get my message? I wanted to see you again.
Fine.
I will write you a check, and then you can go.
Mr.
massey, I'm a married woman.
Well, you don't act like one.
You've never even mentioned your husband's name.
And I never ever hear you say "we" when talking about your personal life.
Now in my experience, these are not exactly the signs of a healthy marriage.
My marriage works just fine.
But is it everything you want it to be? Look, I'm single, and I'm discreet.
So think it over.
Nothin' is going to happen here, Mason massey.
My husband and I? We love each other.
We are partners.
And if you don't leave me alone, he will kill you.
So if that is all, I say good night to you.
Right back at ya.
Well, I couldn't be more proud.
And that hideous thing comes down first thing in the morning.
Hey.
Hey.
I just wanted to tell you we won.
Look, I know I got a little weird the other day, and I hope I didn't scare you off.
I know you were just trying to help, and if I hurt you, I'm sorry.
Did anyone ever tell you you're kinda sexy when you grovel? Hang on.
Shoot.
I gotta take this.
Okay.
Hey.
Have fun in Austin with your windmills.
Call me when you're back.
You got it.
Bye.
Hey.
Hey.
It's me.
Listen, I gotta be quick.
Carlene'll be out here in a minute.
Any news? Yeah, she's here, in juarez, just like you thought.
Thanks.
Keep a close eye on her.
You got it.
I'll be in touch.
"She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man.
'" since you share my bone, does that mean you're as amazing as me? That's an awfully personal question for someone I've only been dating for a few weeks.
Oh, really? Way more amazing.
Ah! "and were not ashamed.
" This ends the reading of the holy word.
Now announcements.
Speaking of ribs As you all know, this is the week of the annual Dallas interfaith barbecue invitational.
Five Dallas churches and one synagogue will enter teams, with all proceeds going to charity.
Now I would like to encourage all able-bodied men to join our team, "braise the lord.
" Uh, our first meeting will be in the narthex after coffee hour.
And for all y'all who stick around, our very own Sharon Peacham has graciously agreed to provide thematically appropriate snacks.
Hope y'all enjoy! All I know is that it was weird.
Ladies! What better way to show our braise the lord team spirit than with some braise-inet swag? We have to cheer our husbands on to victory.
Oh.
I'm sorry, Heather.
I only have enough foam fingers for the wives.
And I don't see a ring on yours yet.
I need a plus one to support a church charity? Oh, Heather, darlin', of course you can support our team, just not as one of us.
You'd be a fool to miss the barbecue competition.
It is full of successful men, and we all know Mm.
Heather, darlin', you let me know when your marital status changes, and I'd be more than happy to give you the finger.
Bye, sweetheart.
I'm so sorry, peanut.
I can't do it.
Losin' it with Jesus is making me lose my mind.
I think I need to rent a kitchen to keep up with the demand.
Mm.
I'm gonna be a no-show, too.
Blake won't be smoking any hot links with the boys this year.
That's gonna hurt the team.
Blake knows his way around a sausage.
Can't be helped.
After this month's ovulation window slammed shut, we both decided we needed a little break from the baby train.
He's up at the ranch, breaking a new stallion, and I am in search of a stud For Cleopatra's crown! Oh, crick! You got her! Oh, you did it! Congratulations.
That's wonderful.
After I saw her win the preakness, I just had to have her.
She's the most beautiful horse I have ever seen.
So you have any suitors? I think careful genetic engineering is a clever way to do things.
Mm-hmm.
Sword of Caesar, the belmont winner, is my first choice.
I'm determined to get my hands on the best semen money can buy.
Sharon, honey, come here a minute.
Excuse me, ladies.
I want you to meet Brenda Bradley.
Brenda is a writer for the "hillside park gazette.
" A pleasure.
I saw you selling your diet plan on "Texas excess," and we are dying to do a piece on losin' it with Jesus.
Perhaps a photo? We've got 511 clients.
That means three Bible-based meals a day, six days a week, and on the seventh day, we rest Unless I gotta go down to Mexico and supervise our "basketeria.
" That's Mexican for "basket factory.
" You want to talk now? We'll shoot you in the sanctuary.
Oh.
That's a great idea.
Actually, I think this will work better woman-to-woman.
We won't be long.
Hon, can you hold my purse? Will, my boy, barbecue's a grand ol' Texas tradition.
Well, you oughta come over and join our team, braise the lord.
We could use some new blood now that old burl here is retirin'.
Yeah, I left at the top of my game.
Seven consecutive wins.
Thanks.
Not really my thing.
Oh, once you taste that brisket, cooked for 12 hours until it has that perfect smoke ring and just falls apart it'll be your thing.
Sounds fun to me.
Can I join? Goodness, no, Laura.
That's sweet of you, but our little competition here is a man's game.
Yeah.
- A man's game? - Mm-hmm.
You must be kidding.
Have you ever heard of the WNBA, the LPGA, Danica Patrick? Now there's no need to get political.
There's still plenty for girls to do.
Yeah, carnival games and such, and, well, getting us drinks.
Uh, those grills are hot as hell.
Oh, ho, yeah! Keepin' us hydrated now that'll be a blast.
That's right.
Okay.
Okay, everybody.
It's time to put your coffee and piggy pops down and put your hands together for our very own hillside park united memorial barbecue team, braise the lord! Get on up here.
Really? No one has any issue with this boys-only weenie pull? Okay.
You see, grilling meat is a male art form.
In the cowboy days, down on the range And it's so stupid.
I am just saying that it is a throwback, it is sexist, and it sends a completely wrong message to our daughters.
Whoa.
Whoa, whoa.
It's just a barbecue.
Don't get upset.
I don't get upset.
I just don't take "no" for an answer.
Please, dear, God, please give us victory over shared remembrance church, trounce St.
Abigail's Oh, this isn't good.
And triumph over temple b'Nai Israel although there's no way they can win a barbecue competition without pork.
In Jesus' name hold the "amen.
" Amanda.
I just thought I'd give you something more to pray for.
Um Hello, everybody.
I would like to announce the formation of the first all-female team to compete in the Dallas interfaith barbecue invitational with me as their captain and Laura as my sous chef.
Really? Smokin'! Amanda, I don't know what you're thinkin', but we're burnin' charcoal here, not bras.
I'm thinking that we're just as entitled to start a team as any man.
Oh, dear.
Carry on, Carlene.
And dear lord, we'd also like to pray for Amanda.
Please give her grace in defeat.
Or victory.
Thy will be done.
Amen! Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
Whoo! Ta-da! What is that? That, my darlin', is your late granddaddy's old smoker.
Me, Howard stopper, and the rest of the church's men's team won best brisket for hillside park seven times with old blackie here.
And now the magic belongs to us.
We gotta change that name though.
Smells like Burnt pig.
Well, that's the smell of victory.
Son, we need to get to cowboys stadium.
Kickoff's in 20.
So let's go.
Y'all have fun.
Mm.
Mwah.
I was thinking Yes.
We could make some of those tofu lime-spiced circles, you know, that they serve at surf week in Santa Barbara? Oh, and maybe some artichokes.
Oh.
You're serious? Honey, that's so sweet, but we're in Texas.
Here, "barbecue" means meat.
And brisket's big.
Don't take this the wrong way, but did you even find anybody else to be on your team yet? I hung a sign-up team in church, and I think the ladies were hesitant to show their support in front of their husbands, but I know that there's a little Gloria steinem in every woman.
A Gloria what? Which is exactly why we're doing this.
So how about it, mama? You wanna come aboard? Three generations of stopper women stickin' it to the guys? Back in my day, a feminist was a woman who avoided the kitchen like the plague But I'd be honored.
Whoo! Whoo! Three stopper girls unstoppable.
I love it! Let's get to it! Whoo-hoo! Oh! Ooh.
"Rub your meat fully to Refrigerate.
" Ripp.
Hmm? I know you've been focused on the church barbecue competition this week, but I thought you might enjoy taking a break and watching my passion.
Baby, you know I love it when you put yourself on film.
Are you naked? Press "play" and you'll find out.
And the lord God said, "I will bring them to the land of milk and honey.
" Welcome to the world of faith-based housing, where you and your family can live with your spiritual brothers and sisters In fellowship.
Break bread with your guests at our feeding the 5,000 all-you-can-eat buffet or enjoy our Bible-inspired amusement, like the river Jordan water park and our 40 days and 40 nights wilderness adventure.
All of this and more awaits you at condos for Christian living, U.
S.
A.
! It's Carlene, I know it's your dream, but you know it's not legal.
We have to build the condos in Mexico.
No, we don't.
I know how obsessed you've been with unincorporated juarez, but I've found a reservation in Oklahoma that meets all our needs.
God bless those native Americans.
And thank God we've made up for all the terrible things we've done to 'em.
Now if we build on their land, we won't be subject to any of our annoying discrimination housing laws.
We can keep my condos right here in America.
Darlin', I have to run it by burl and Luke.
They're shareholders in the project, too.
Can't you act a little bit excited? Support me.
This is my lifelong dream.
If Dolly can have her dollywood, I can have my holy-wood.
It's not that I'm not supportive, kitten.
It's just I've got a lot going on.
I know.
Team chairman is a big responsibility.
Mm.
Now, um How you boys smokin' your meat this year? Now you know I can't tell you that.
It's a guy thing.
If I told you, I'd have to kill you.
Just torture me a little.
Oh.
Mason massey is here.
Send him in in four seconds.
Two three.
Cricket Caruth.
Mr.
massey.
Please have a seat.
Your stallion, sword of Caesar, has got what my mare, Cleopatra's crown, needs.
And I have got a number I'm ready to pay.
What did you have in mind? More than that.
Double, in fact.
You don't think that's excessive? 'Cause I sure as hell do.
Shane Rushton paid it twice last year.
Got his two best foals out of the deal.
What can I say? Caesar always satisfies.
You have a lot of confidence.
I have to admit, that intrigues me.
But I have confidence, too.
I want a live foal guarantee against two no-fee rebreeds the following season, if I pay your fee.
Oh, you'll pay.
Mm-hmm.
And what makes you say that? Obviously, you're a woman who knows what she wants And goes after it when she sees it.
If that weren't the case, I wouldn't be here.
Would I? Have Caesar trailered to my ranch this afternoon.
Then we got a deal? I would have taken half.
Carlene, why are you hosting an all-day women's spa retreat on the same day as the competition? It seemed like the perfect timing, what with all the men occupied with barbecue.
You realize by doing this you'll have to miss the competition yourself? Don't be silly.
I'm just picking up the tab.
There's still room if you'd like to go.
They have a great laser treatment.
You could burn off those your Uh Um, your Well, I'm sure they could find something somewhere.
Carlene, I entered this contest to show my daughter that a woman can do anything a man can.
Why are you going so far out of your way to stop me? You may have forgotten while living in a blue state that men and women play different roles, Amanda.
The Bible makes that abundantly clear.
Last time I checked, barbecue isn't specified.
Neither is the "Jersey shore," but we can presume what the almighty thinks about that.
You are always saying your husband's victory is your victory.
Couldn't your victory be his? Oh, poor Amanda.
In a godly marriage, there is no "his" or "hers," only "we.
" Things are only gonna get worse for you this week.
No one would think any less of you for dropping out.
There is a little somethin' Heather, please? I know you hate to cook, but I need you on my team.
Nuh-unh! I'm not going anywhere near that barbecue.
Why not? A bunch of married men being cheered on by their pampered wives? Amanda, your order's ready.
No, thank you.
Do not move.
I'm not giving up on you.
Hey, doc.
Can I get you something'? The usual.
You know Mrs.
Cockburn won't take money from the surgeon.
It's on the house.
You keep it.
So you're Carlene's surgeon? Uh-oh.
What have you heard about me? Nothin'.
I'm shocked she lets you out in public.
I bet you could retire off of her.
Well, she does love the way I trim her fat.
I'm Heather.
What's your specialty? Danny.
Everything.
Mm.
Okay, so tell me what you think.
Should I make an appointment with you? Oh I don't think that's necessary.
Um, I'm sorry.
I'm I'm trying to flirt, not get a free consult.
And, uh, I'm trying to follow, and I want to, believe me, but I gotta get back to work.
It's my busy season.
Would it be weird if I called you? No, that wouldn't be weird at all.
I'd love it.
Good.
Plastic surgery has a busy season? Danny.
Huh? There you are.
Thank God you made it.
I'm doing the barbecue first girls-only church team and I need your brisket.
Shoot, Amanda, we're all sold out.
Every team in Dallas had their order in a month ago.
Okay, well, if I find any, what kind should I get? Well, the best of Japanese wagyu crossed with the best of Texas Angus.
Wangus the most tender meat on earth.
You're a butcher.
Yes, ma'am.
I supply the restaurant.
Oh, no.
You thought I was a real doctor, didn't you? Misunderstandin'.
My fault.
My fault.
No.
I should've been much clearer.
Uh Heather, how do I reach you? Uh, you're going to the barbecue, right? Mm-hmm.
I'll see you there.
Okay.
Mm.
Right.
Sorry I couldn't help you, Amanda.
Mm.
Heather.
Mm.
Danny is a really nice guy, and I know you're not going to the barbecue.
So why would you blow him off? I know this is gonna sound awful, but I've tried this before.
What? If I make more money than the guy I'm datin', it never works out.
Believe me.
Never.
Copy that.
Zack.
Did you offer a brand new g-class as a prize for the barbecue winner? 'Cause when the ladies told me that, I said it couldn't possibly be true.
Well Maybe.
But what about all the money troubles you're having with the dealership? You're gonna eat up all the profits we're making from my meal plan.
It's great publicity.
The winning team always donates the prize to charity.
If you want publicity, you take out an ad in "the Dallas morning news.
" But every year, someone from our team donates something really awesome.
I mean, and this year it's my turn.
If I backed out now, how would that look to the guys? I don't care how it looks to the guys.
How about how it looks to your wife? We can't afford it.
Shar-bear, I love you, but how about you stay out of my business and I stay out of yours? Okay? This is insane.
Is there really a difference between white and black pepper? I'm the last one to give cooking advice, but should there really be that much smoke? That's why they call it a smoker, mother.
Good afternoon, ladies.
Hey.
I'll just freshen up my drink.
Perfect timing.
Mwah.
M! M! You smell like camp.
You get to taste Oh, dear.
My brisket.
Ah Do I have to? This is my fifth one.
Yeah.
I only have four days to achieve pit mastery.
Luke, what did I get myself into? Oh, looks to me like you just started off too hot.
The secret is keeping it low and slow.
You have to watch the vents.
Nothing here I can't handle.
Uh, you know what? This, uh baby.
You know what, baby? You run.
This is a women's team.
I have to be able to do this by myself.
Are we looking at the same piece of meat right now? I don't need you to solve my problems.
I would rather fail than win with your help.
Okay.
I guess I'll just go then.
Okay, no, that just came out wrong.
I no, it's fine.
All right? I should go anyway.
I'll call you in a couple days.
What do you mean, a couple days? Yeah, I've got some work stuff I gotta deal with.
In Austin? Baby, I'll call you.
All right? Oh, uh, and you might want to check that out.
Ohh! Darling.
Hmm? What's wrong? Oh, let's see.
Where to start? I murdered my brisket, I scared off my boyfriend, and I started a barbecue team no one wants to join, thanks to Carlene.
So to sum it up, I'm a total failure.
There's nothing I can do about Luke, but I could sic Tony and Romo on Carlene.
They already think she's a chew toy.
Daddy and I we used to do absolutely everything together, but he wouldn't let me break through the charcoal ceiling.
He always said he didn't want his pretty little girl to get dirty.
I just wanted it to be different for Laura.
Well, the fact remains boy or girl you got smoke in your blood.
Wait.
Daddy used to say that it's not the brisket It's the smoke.
It's the smoke that gives it the flavor.
Do you know where he got his wood? Hmm.
Hey.
I got your message.
Oh.
Horse cams.
Mr.
massey, you promised your stud would deliver, and as you can see on my live feed, Caesar hasn't swung his sword all day.
You changed your lipstick.
Nice color.
I'm I'm not wearing lipstick.
It's It's a gloss I'm wearing.
It's a lip gloss.
Well, you didn't have to go get all glossy for me.
Or did you? I don't like what you're implying, Mr.
massey.
And what might that be? That you and I have Chemistry.
I assure you, when we're in a room together, sex is the last thing that's gonna happen.
Mm.
Well, I think Cleopatra's crown and sword of Caesar disagree.
Oh, well, that's And you owe me my fee.
You'll get your money.
A Caruth is as good as her word.
Hmm.
That's how my daddybo raised me.
My daddy did business with Clint Caruth back in the day.
He didn't have a kind word to say about that man.
It can't be easy to be his daughter.
It might've been easier to be his son.
Huh! That's my phone.
Um, I'm sorry.
This is urgent.
I've got to take it.
Um, we can continue this later.
Mm-hmm.
Cricket Caruth-Reilly.
Where exactly? It seems awfully remote.
Are you sure burl was being honest about where to find the wood? Yes, I am sure.
A glass of bourbon and a low-cut top works better than truth serum on that man.
He says that your daddy always used the wood from a pecan tree on pepper creek.
It seems that the riverbed gives the smoke a very unique flavor.
Absolutely impossible to replicate.
And here it is.
Sharon? Amanda, I know you need help on your barbecue team, and I'm willing to join on one condition if we win, I get the car.
No questions asked.
But isn't it from Zack's dealership? No questions! Okay.
Yes, it's a deal.
Now I-I have smoke covered, but I still need a sauce.
Tomato-based, mustard-based, vinegar-based? Surprise me.
Freeze.
Um, I'm gonna have to call you back, Sharon.
Hello, Amanda.
Gigi, pepper creek is on cricket's land? Of course it is.
Both your daddies were on the same barbecue team.
You're in my thicket in the middle of the night, I'm curious.
Why? Look, cricket, this is Dallas, and I know barbecue is a man's game, but I have a girl at home who really wants to play, and "ladies just don't do that" isn't the answer I want to give her.
You have a daughter, too.
Don't you want her to grow up in a world where she can do whatever she wants? Daddybo always did love this pecan tree.
Ohh! Take as much as you want.
Aah! Oh.
Okay, now y'all just go through the back door to get to my icebox.
Yes, ma'am.
What's with all the brisket? Just creating a little shortage.
If Amanda can't get her hands on any prime wangus, well, then I guess it's just the lord's will.
Smart thinkin', tenderloin.
So when you played golf with Uncle burl, did you mention my condos? I did.
And, uh, old burl was not too keen on the Oklahoma of it all.
So we called up Luke and we had a quick vote and, uh three to one.
I'm sorry, kitten.
It's not gonna work out.
The condos are stayin' in Mexico.
Three to one? You voted against me? I thought we were on the same side! Now, kitten, don't be like this.
How could you not fight for me, Ripp? I spent the entire afternoon buying up every piece of high-end brisket in Dallas for you.
These condos have been a dream of mine since high school.
When I was so sad and alone, I dreamed of a community without cruelty or spite or Amanda.
Kitten, I know you're disappointed.
But three highly accomplished businessmen have taken a close look at the situation, and we know this is the way to go.
Now pick yourself up All right.
'Cause I'm gonna need all your support if I'm gonna win this barbecue competition.
Okay? Thank you, sir.
Hey.
Hey, you.
Small world.
Small world? Nice try.
Amanda said you found some brisket, and you wouldn't hand it over unless I came here to pick it up.
That's right.
Well, here I am, Danny.
Where's your wangus? When we met the other day, there was a connection, right? Danny, I am sorry if I hurt your feelings.
Hey, you're not the first woman to be turned off by my job.
Heck, I look like a dang serial killer by the end of the day.
That's not it.
Look, I just don't think that we're a good match.
Am I not rich enough for you? Look, it's not that, okay? I know firsthand guys resent women who make more money than they do.
Insecure guys, maybe.
But tell me do I look insecure? Don't forget.
We're in an economic downturn right now, and this is Texas.
People will stop buying houses before they give up their meat.
My prospects are better than yours.
Never thought of it that way.
Well, I'm sorry you dated a bunch of idiots before.
But all it takes is meeting one good guy.
Maybe that's me.
Come on.
One brisket, one date.
Fine.
Call me sometime.
Right now I need to get back to my crazy friend and her feminist grilling agenda.
Here you go.
I hope you gals win.
Yeah, well, I'm not on the team.
Well, that's too bad 'Cause girls who play with fire are hot.
Hey, uh, Amanda, I got your brisket.
Do you and Laura have room for one more? Lord, I need your forgiveness.
I fought with Ripp this afternoon, and I worry that in my attempts to build my condos, I've stepped outside my role as a godly wife.
I pray that you show me the way to restore the natural order of things, and I Whoa! That is smokin'! Excuse me, lord.
Whoo! High five.
High five.
Sharon, just a pinch of this? Ahh.
Sleep tight, kid.
We got a big day tomorrow.
Okay.
Baking soda.
What am I doing? Tony.
Romo.
Shh.
Good boy.
Good boy.
What did I do? Down, down! Tony.
Romo.
Oh, no! Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad doggies.
Out! Out! Out! I hate those dogs.
Laura's gonna be so disappointed.
Oh, darling, I don't think you ought to worry about Laura.
She'll be fine.
I know.
I just ugh.
I didn't just do this for her, mama.
I did it for me.
Looking back on my marriage, I should have realized that something was up.
It didn't make sense that everything bill touched turned to gold.
But I liked that life never having to worry about money or making hard decisions, and I just I just miss it.
And I know that it wouldn't be that hard for me to find a man in this city to give me that life again.
But what kind of example is that to set for Laura? To let some man think for me or take away my voice or Treat me like Nothing more than some lapdog or some cute little kitten.
You are so much more than that.
Shh.
Shh.
Shh.
Shh.
Shh.
Shh.
Shh.
Shh.
Precious girl.
Carlene? What the hell are you doing here? You did this! I-I might've come here to ruin your brisket, but I also changed my mind.
I knew it was wrong, and I shouldn't do it.
- And I was so mad at Ripp, I took it out on you.
- Tony! Romo! I can I can I can make it up to you.
I can make it up to you.
Across the street, there's enough five-star brisket to feed cowboys stadium.
It's all yours on one condition.
What? What?! Let me be a part of your team.
I still don't see why I can't get a shirt, too.
'Cause you're only 16.
Just thought I'd show you how it's done.
Mmm.
Tasty.
Almost good enough to win.
Y'all have fun now.
Racks Let's roll.
Gentlemen.
What the hell are you doing? I'm helping you out.
I made a killer sauce, and Amanda said that if we win, I get to keep the car.
This way, you still get to do your big donation, but the car stays in the family.
And best of all, the boys don't have to find out you're having dealership troubles.
Sharon, I do not need you to fix all our problems.
You you're acting like the man of the house.
The only reason I'm doing this is because you encouraged me.
You even came up with the name, "losin' it with Jesus.
" Blake and cricket work together.
Why can't we? It is one thing for a woman to work in a man's world, like cricket, but for a man To work in a woman's world, it's just It We're gonna beat you! Ripp! Sharon has a secret sauce.
Huddle.
Come on.
Mathews, you keep that marinade stirred.
Jackson, you baste like your life depends on it.
Zack, you don't take your eyes off that meat thermometer.
Never.
Now give it to me.
One, two, three.
Grill it to kill it! It's on, boys.
Okay.
It's cricket.
Cricket Caruth.
- This is Mason massey.
Leave a message.
- Mason.
Cricket Caruth calling.
I believe I owe you a little somethin' a check.
I figured you'd want to come by and pick it up yourself.
I will be at my office Uh, you know, scratch that.
Uh, just so much on the plate right now, so I will just have my girl drop it in the mail.
Good day.
Amanda, this is certainly a surprise.
Oh, pastor tudor, I-I hope the shirts aren't too much for you.
I-I was talking about all you ladies working together.
I think this is great.
This is the best I've seen you all get along since you came to hillside.
Oh, ho, Johnny.
I wish I could be as bold as you no collar at a church function.
My wife always says you did have a wild streak back at seminary.
It's 300 degrees out here, Steve.
You're lucky hot as hell doesn't bother you.
You have a women's team as well as a men's.
Spicy racks? Hmm.
Not at all offensive or inappropriate for young children.
A healthy competition is good.
Both teams playing increases our chances for success.
What do you have against racks, reverend Steve? I prefer wangus.
Well, may the best man win.
Don't leave me hangin'.
Can you go to hell for hating somebody? I hope not.
I really, really hope not.
Really.
Cricket, what are you doing here? I'm being pulled in different directions at work.
I needed a distraction.
Hey, Heather.
Hi.
Sure smells great over here.
Thank you.
Good luck, ladies.
See you later.
Yes, ma'am.
Who's the hot guy? Someone I'm having drinks with later.
Okay, his name is Danny.
He is not rich.
He doesn't belong to the country club.
He's a butcher.
And if anyone has anything to say about it, I will take your internal temperature with this meat probe.
No judgment here.
Don't get me started on rich men.
They think they can get whatever they want just 'cause of the size of their wallet.
Money doesn't matter, especially if you don't get to choose what to do with it.
And it's no guarantee of happiness.
I married a rich guy and see how that turned out? Truth be, I'd rather have the man than the money.
Success is fleeting, sweetheart, but a good head of hair now that is forever, and it looks like Danny's got one.
Amen.
And a nice butt.
Oh.
Laura! Don't blame the girl.
A nice butt's a nice butt.
Yours ain't so bad either.
You talking to me? You gals are puttin' the "Barbie" back into barbecue! Okay, ladies, just ignore him.
Yes, let us turn the other cheek.
Turn whatever cheek you like, honey.
Hey! You're that chick from TV.
No.
Yeah! You are.
You're that, uh Losin' it with Jesus lady.
Hey, how about you losin' it with me? Hey.
Mind your manners, son.
That's no way to talk to a lady.
Shut up! Oh, Zack! Ooh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Zack! Ooh! Judges, this is a true blind tasting.
No peeking and no clues from the crowd.
We'll just have to see what they come up with.
Easy.
Ow! I can't even defend you right.
You had to step up and finish the job.
Zack Peacham, you stop talking like that right now.
We knocked that fool out together, as a team, 'cause that's what we do.
You are my hero.
Really? Mm-hmm.
Mr.
Peacham? Peacham luxury motors? Yes, sir? Richard Dillard, R.
H.
W.
D.
Industries.
I just wanted to say that donating one of your cars today was a class act.
Sticking up for your little lady even classier.
Thanks.
I won't keep you, but, uh, give me a call on Monday.
I want you to set up my V.
P.
s with a fleet of nice wheels.
Thank you, sir.
Ma'am.
Sir.
Ow! That's amazing.
Whoo-hoo! Well, it's been a heck of a contest this year.
Ain't that right? And I want to thank all the pastors and reverends who helped us judge.
Oh, and a-a special thank you to our head judge rabbi Nussbaum.
Shalom.
And now, as barbecuer emeritus, it is my honor to announce this year's winner for best barbecue.
And the winner is Well, what do you know? It's spicy racks.
Take that, daddybo! Aah! Congratulations, Amanda.
Thanks.
I am super proud of you, mom.
Oh! Whoo-hoo! Aah! Good job! Spicy racks! Spicy racks! Spicy racks! Spicy racks! Spicy racks! Whoo! Yes! I'm truly surprised, Carlene.
I'm not the only one of us who can go behind the other one's back.
I've always supported you, Ripp.
How could you not support me? It's complicated.
Well, I'm fixin' to uncomplicate it.
I've dismantled the board of condos for Christian living and appointed myself sole C.
E.
O.
First thing Monday, I'm getting started on a land survey in Oklahoma.
I'm gonna have to bring in some special lawyers to deal with reservation regulations.
But that's okay.
I learned it all from you.
Kitten.
The condos are staying in Mexico.
Why? The lord told me.
He spoke to you? Like Daniel? And Isaiah? I didn't tell you 'cause this project is your baby.
I didn't know how you'd feel God telling me somethin' instead of you.
But, Ripp, it's been my dream that you would become as invested in this project as I am.
God answered my prayer.
What did his voice sound like? A cross between Billy Graham and Kris Kristofferson? It was Terrifying.
Well If the good lord told you, I can't stand in his way.
What are you doing here? Didn't you get my message? I wanted to see you again.
Fine.
I will write you a check, and then you can go.
Mr.
massey, I'm a married woman.
Well, you don't act like one.
You've never even mentioned your husband's name.
And I never ever hear you say "we" when talking about your personal life.
Now in my experience, these are not exactly the signs of a healthy marriage.
My marriage works just fine.
But is it everything you want it to be? Look, I'm single, and I'm discreet.
So think it over.
Nothin' is going to happen here, Mason massey.
My husband and I? We love each other.
We are partners.
And if you don't leave me alone, he will kill you.
So if that is all, I say good night to you.
Right back at ya.
Well, I couldn't be more proud.
And that hideous thing comes down first thing in the morning.
Hey.
Hey.
I just wanted to tell you we won.
Look, I know I got a little weird the other day, and I hope I didn't scare you off.
I know you were just trying to help, and if I hurt you, I'm sorry.
Did anyone ever tell you you're kinda sexy when you grovel? Hang on.
Shoot.
I gotta take this.
Okay.
Hey.
Have fun in Austin with your windmills.
Call me when you're back.
You got it.
Bye.
Hey.
Hey.
It's me.
Listen, I gotta be quick.
Carlene'll be out here in a minute.
Any news? Yeah, she's here, in juarez, just like you thought.
Thanks.
Keep a close eye on her.
You got it.
I'll be in touch.