Gravity s01e09 Episode Script
Calemnity
Previously on "Gravity" I gotta go.
If you guys come back tomorrow, I'll take care of everything.
And what about love? He wears a distinctive hat.
I should be onto the source of your money In a couple of days at most.
900% is as big as we can go.
That's how thick I want my fake dick to be.
All right, put it all on the raiders straight.
Getting beat by 42 is not the way They wanted to start their season.
Fuck! Fuck! Getting a bigger dick It's the opposite of being jewish and having a bris.
Because instead of cutting some off as a baby, You're getting some added as an adult, Which, to me, seems like more of a reason for celebration.
"hey, you got a bigger dick! Mazel tov! Let's eat!" Thinking about dick doesn't make me want to eat.
Shut up, Mr.
Showbiz.
We all know you're a vegetarian anyway.
I'm just gonna say it.
I like big, fat dick.
He is so cute.
And now he has the accessories along with it? It's on! Hello, beautiful.
Can I get a Budweiser, please? Jorge, is that just a gag for material, Or is it true that No, that's my material for you to gag on.
Actually, no.
On the second thought Why don't you just fuck me? Come on.
Yeah, you feel that, don't you, baby? You feel it? Yeah, you gotta spread real wide for that one, don't you? Tell me that it's bigger than a finger.
It's bigger than a finger.
Say it again! It's bigger than a finger! It's bigger than a finger! Fuck it! Yeah! So, she grabs my cock so hard, I thought I was back in the navy.
And here we are by the way, we're on the green, And her husband is in a sand trap Just down from the pin.
In, jane.
In jane, more.
Filthiest colon I've ever seen.
What is that, a cheeto? I think so.
All right, so she grabs his cock and No, my cock, jane.
She grabs your cock.
Okay, go ahead.
Yeah, well, it's more important the fact it's Come on.
How do you feel? Fine.
Was everything okay? We did find a growth.
We're having it biopsied.
We should know something tomorrow.
Is that bad? Stop it.
Let's not go there until we know what we're dealing with.
What's the worst-case scenario? The worst-case scenario is I become as crazy as you are someday.
Rest.
Hey, you.
You stay in bed.
No, I have to go.
No, you're supposed to wait Until the doctor comes in and releases you.
I'm a police officer.
I have to leave the hospital.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Speech.
Come on, speech.
I'd like to I'd like to say something.
I'd like to to thank all of you.
At first, I was afraid to go to work Because I was afraid I'd come home and find Carla You know.
But now she's Thanks to all of you.
I was aGirl scout.
I was head of the decorations committee in junior high.
I always got good grades, And my parents always told me how proud they were of me.
I did everything right.
Everything that everyone wanted me to do.
I was never me.
I don't think.
Because the confusing part is, I have no idea who I am.
But lately, I feel like maybe I am starting to seem familiar.
And I know I would never shoot myself in the head ever again, Or by any other means.
And I have you, my new friends, And Lily, the sister I never had, And Ralph, the love of my life, my treasure.
Thank you all for this day.
Was it too long or too thick? Too thick.
I mean, I like a little girth, but his was ridiculous.
I mean, it's like a coke can.
Oh, I'm all about that.
Oh, shit! Oh, my God.
Nice to meet you.
Go ahead.
Oh! Oh, it's really big! It's really big, right? Yeah, yeah! Aah! Does that feel like a finger? Oh, no! No! No, it doesn't.
How many fingers does that feel like? 20! 20! Four big fists up your pussy, baby.
I wanted it.
You said you wanted it.
You were here, right? You like it.
Tell me you like it.
I like it.
Tell me you feel it.
I feel it.
Tell me it hurts.
It hurts! I think I need a break! No.
No.
No.
No break! Put your glasses back on.
Yeah, they they're they're fine now, But I got to tell you, a couple of hours ago, I couldn't breathe, And I-I couldn't see anything, and I-I just felt like I was gonna die.
It was really scary.
Well, it sounds to me like you had an anxiety attack.
Are you under an unusual amount of stress lately? Yeah.
Always.
That's probably what it was.
Listen, I really appreciate you seeing me, Robert.
I know that you were very upset after we hung out last time, And from the bottom of my heart, I want to apologize to you for making you feel uncomfortable.
It was misguided, I know, But my intention truly was to try to help you.
I understand.
We're good.
Yeah? Thanks, man.
You want to grab a bite or something? I can't.
I have a date with Lily.
Oh, good.
What are we doing? No.
Solo date, I'm afraid.
I know.
I'm just kidding.
You kids have fun.
You know what? Give me one second.
I want to put some drops in your eyes to soothe them.
Oh, great.
Thanks.
Tilt your head back again.
Okay.
You know what? Why don't you give me a call? Maybe we'll box again soon.
My eyes are all blurry.
Is that normal, Robert? What do you mean? I can't see anything.
Everything's blurry.
Is it like when you had the anxiety attack? No, no! I totally feel fine physically.
I just can't see shit.
It's it's kind of like when that first time I came And you put those evil fucking blurry drops in my eyes? Well, that's strange because I definitely didn't Oh, no! Look at that.
Oh, geez! I was trying to help you By putting the drops in that soothe your eyes, And I accidentally put the ones in That fuck you all up instead.
I would be worried, but knowing you And the calemnity With which you handle sudden, stressful situations, I know you're gonna be just fine.
Touché, Robert.
That shit is fucked up, but touché.
You have a nice night.
Yeah.
Aah! Whoops.
Fuck! That's the door.
And by the way, "calemnity" is not a word.
It's calmness or equanimity.
Really? That's I've been using "calemnity" for years.
You know, I guess people just assumed maybe I was smarter than them, And they didn't want to correct me.
You wouldn't identify with that at all, would you, big guy? Aah! That's wall.
Fuck! Just bursting your wings all forth now, aren't you? Yeah, that's okay.
I get to give the suicide dummy pain.
Fuck me hard! Oh, honey, it's so nice That you have boyfriends everywhere you go.
That's funny.
Okay, I'm gonna go next door.
You guys try not to run off to vegas.
What did I tell you? She's like crack, right? Yes, she is.
You need any crack? No, I'm good.
Can I see her? Sure.
Go right through that curtain.
Grandma? Hey, Gamon.
Miller.
It's gamon from Rosa's psychic shop.
That girl is here again.
Tell your grandmother to do the same thing as last time.
Same price? Sure.
You got it.
That girl is in there again.
It would be good if you saw that cop in her future.
Get me some chicken wings with extra hot sauce.
Money? Don't try to con me, you little fucker.
I'll drug you and leave you in port authority in your underwear.
Okay! Jesus! What about my hat lover? Are you sure he's the one? You found him and he had a hat? Well, I've found him all along, But, yeah, he was wearing a hat for the first time.
We bought it together.
No, no, no, no.
Your hat guy already had a hat.
You have the wrong hat guy.
No.
No, that's impossible.
Trust me, sweetie.
Your hat guy already had a hat.
Never mind.
You see? Damn.
That's what I was talking about.
It was just really uncomfortable.
Why did he have to make it so big? Because Bigger is better, girls.
Anybody who tells you anything different is lying.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, God! Faster! Faster! Harder! Yes! Fuck me with that fire hydrant! Fuck! Shit, it's got to hurt a little bit, come on.
No! I love it! It's perfect! Tell me it hurts! Tell me it hurts! It feels so good.
Harder! Yeah, rip me open, baby.
I can't breathe! Stop honking your fucking horn! It's a green light! Okay, stop honking your horn.
Stop honking your horn.
Get out of the car.
Get out of the fucking car.
Police.
Get the fuck out of your car! Detective christian Miller.
Get out of the vehicle right now! Okay, but you were sitting in the road with a green light.
Get the fuck out of your vehicle right the fuck now! Get the fuck out! All right, just you don't honk except in case of emergency.
Not 'cause you're late for your little fucking cigar-smoking club.
You got it? This is outrageous.
Do you know who I am? I'll have your badge! You are no one! You're a little fucking cunt! And don't ever, ever honk your horn again, Or I will find you and I will fucking kill you! What's your badge number?! What? What is your badge number?! You want my badge number? Yes! Here it is.
Can you read that? Can you see it? You psycho! Yes! What does that say?! What does it say?! Repeat it! Closer? Can you see? Oh, there it is, you dumb fuck! Fuck! Cocksucker! Repeat the fucking badge number! Get the fuck out of here! Get in that fucking car.
Get in there! Your fucking your career is over! You just made the biggest mistake of your life! I will fucking find you and destroy you! Jack, what do you got for me? Everything you asked for.
You found him? Oh, I found him.
Name, address, pictures, everything.
All right, don't talk about it on the phone.
I'm on my way right now.
I love your tattoo.
I'm glad.
It's because of you.
No, it's because of you.
I just happened to be around when you became you.
Come with me.
You were really into that guy, huh? No.
I wasn't really into diego.
I was really into this guy.
But diego wasn't this guy Even though he looks a lot like him.
I think you're this guy.
You think? I sell makeup at a department store.
I change lives.
What? I sell makeup at a department store.
I change lives.
I wasRobotic.
Everything I did My life A cliché.
27-year-old girl Mother dies in childbirth, Father doesn't even recognize her presence, Can't forgive her mother for dying Or her father for blaming her for it.
She has no friends.
She gets a cat.
She tempts fate for a few weeks with cutting.
She's never had a boyfriend Masturbates with no results And can't address the fact That she is incapable of any feelings whatsoever.
But she loves chocolate cake And the intrigue of another life One that matters.
I died.
And that light that everybody talks about It totally exists.
I didn't meet any dead relatives or anything like that.
And That made me sad Because I thought I would meet my mother.
But, no.
Something else Extraordinary happened.
Diego.
He had a name.
We were in the same hospital.
Somehow we met.
Somehow we connected.
He's gone now But because of him, Because I know I can't live without that feeling, I can love you.
Robert collingsworth with the awesome tattoo I'm so in love with you.
I'm honored.
I made it out of the liquor closet And into your apartment.
You are the first girl That I've slept with since I got enlarged That liked it, so Are you kidding me? I mean, I don't understand those other girls.
Your big dick felt so good inside of me.
God! I want it in me forever.
How has, your life changed since I got my big, beautiful breasts? Right.
I mean, obviously, men treat you different.
Right? Yeah.
I mean, when I was flat-chested, I got a certain amount of attention 'cause I was pretty, But I always got the linemen.
I mean, they were nice guys, But you only live once, And I want to be the girl that gets the quarterback.
And now that I got these I get the quarterback.
Can I suck on your cock now? I just I want you to choke me with it.
No.
Megan Thank you for the kind offer, but, no, no.
Why not? Look, I don't mean to be rude, But life is short, And I'm just not feeling it with you.
Feeling what? That this could go anywhere.
I mean, it's it's it's just It's no reason.
It's just not the chemistry that You scared me.
I thought you didn't like my tits.
Look, I don't care if this goes anywhere As long as this chokes me to death right now.
Megan, megan, megan.
Listen, okay? Look look, you ueem like a very nice girl, But I I didn't get a bigger dick to fuck the main cheerleader.
I got a bigger dick Because I thought that it would help me to find true love.
I mean, my whole life, I was able to make people happy With my personality and my care.
But when they would see my little dick, Some of them would leave.
So, I thought that if I could fix it, I would be home free.
But you know what? I realized something.
I wouldn't want to be with somebody That didn't want to spend the rest of their life with me Over a few inches, Because True love can see past that.
Okay.
Now can I choke on it? No, megan.
You cannot choke on it now.
I'm sorry.
I think you should leave.
No problema.
You were fun.
Okay, so ThisIs YourMan.
Yeah, I'd like to report a crime.
What happened? I was assaulted by a detective for honking my horn.
I am so sorry to hear that, sir.
Why were you honking your horn at the officer? Because he was sitting stopped at a green light.
So, there was no emergency, then? It's a violation to honk your horn Unless there's an emergency.
Is it a violation to imprint his badge into my forehead?! You must've really been honking.
Let's see.
Shit, it's backwards.
Anyone got a mirror? Right here.
"B" 4-5-8-D.
Got it.
His name is William Herbert Champagne, A.
K.
A.
B.
C.
, And he lives in scarsdale at I know where he lives.
You find him? Detective Miller was his name.
There's no detective Miller on the NYPD.
Well, who comes up with that badge number? No one.
It doesn't exist.
there's a pain in my heart I need to sort out it's getting better now I don't go out 'cause the babies born in my brain take up so much space that I can't think straight too much, too much, too much today
If you guys come back tomorrow, I'll take care of everything.
And what about love? He wears a distinctive hat.
I should be onto the source of your money In a couple of days at most.
900% is as big as we can go.
That's how thick I want my fake dick to be.
All right, put it all on the raiders straight.
Getting beat by 42 is not the way They wanted to start their season.
Fuck! Fuck! Getting a bigger dick It's the opposite of being jewish and having a bris.
Because instead of cutting some off as a baby, You're getting some added as an adult, Which, to me, seems like more of a reason for celebration.
"hey, you got a bigger dick! Mazel tov! Let's eat!" Thinking about dick doesn't make me want to eat.
Shut up, Mr.
Showbiz.
We all know you're a vegetarian anyway.
I'm just gonna say it.
I like big, fat dick.
He is so cute.
And now he has the accessories along with it? It's on! Hello, beautiful.
Can I get a Budweiser, please? Jorge, is that just a gag for material, Or is it true that No, that's my material for you to gag on.
Actually, no.
On the second thought Why don't you just fuck me? Come on.
Yeah, you feel that, don't you, baby? You feel it? Yeah, you gotta spread real wide for that one, don't you? Tell me that it's bigger than a finger.
It's bigger than a finger.
Say it again! It's bigger than a finger! It's bigger than a finger! Fuck it! Yeah! So, she grabs my cock so hard, I thought I was back in the navy.
And here we are by the way, we're on the green, And her husband is in a sand trap Just down from the pin.
In, jane.
In jane, more.
Filthiest colon I've ever seen.
What is that, a cheeto? I think so.
All right, so she grabs his cock and No, my cock, jane.
She grabs your cock.
Okay, go ahead.
Yeah, well, it's more important the fact it's Come on.
How do you feel? Fine.
Was everything okay? We did find a growth.
We're having it biopsied.
We should know something tomorrow.
Is that bad? Stop it.
Let's not go there until we know what we're dealing with.
What's the worst-case scenario? The worst-case scenario is I become as crazy as you are someday.
Rest.
Hey, you.
You stay in bed.
No, I have to go.
No, you're supposed to wait Until the doctor comes in and releases you.
I'm a police officer.
I have to leave the hospital.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Speech.
Come on, speech.
I'd like to I'd like to say something.
I'd like to to thank all of you.
At first, I was afraid to go to work Because I was afraid I'd come home and find Carla You know.
But now she's Thanks to all of you.
I was aGirl scout.
I was head of the decorations committee in junior high.
I always got good grades, And my parents always told me how proud they were of me.
I did everything right.
Everything that everyone wanted me to do.
I was never me.
I don't think.
Because the confusing part is, I have no idea who I am.
But lately, I feel like maybe I am starting to seem familiar.
And I know I would never shoot myself in the head ever again, Or by any other means.
And I have you, my new friends, And Lily, the sister I never had, And Ralph, the love of my life, my treasure.
Thank you all for this day.
Was it too long or too thick? Too thick.
I mean, I like a little girth, but his was ridiculous.
I mean, it's like a coke can.
Oh, I'm all about that.
Oh, shit! Oh, my God.
Nice to meet you.
Go ahead.
Oh! Oh, it's really big! It's really big, right? Yeah, yeah! Aah! Does that feel like a finger? Oh, no! No! No, it doesn't.
How many fingers does that feel like? 20! 20! Four big fists up your pussy, baby.
I wanted it.
You said you wanted it.
You were here, right? You like it.
Tell me you like it.
I like it.
Tell me you feel it.
I feel it.
Tell me it hurts.
It hurts! I think I need a break! No.
No.
No.
No break! Put your glasses back on.
Yeah, they they're they're fine now, But I got to tell you, a couple of hours ago, I couldn't breathe, And I-I couldn't see anything, and I-I just felt like I was gonna die.
It was really scary.
Well, it sounds to me like you had an anxiety attack.
Are you under an unusual amount of stress lately? Yeah.
Always.
That's probably what it was.
Listen, I really appreciate you seeing me, Robert.
I know that you were very upset after we hung out last time, And from the bottom of my heart, I want to apologize to you for making you feel uncomfortable.
It was misguided, I know, But my intention truly was to try to help you.
I understand.
We're good.
Yeah? Thanks, man.
You want to grab a bite or something? I can't.
I have a date with Lily.
Oh, good.
What are we doing? No.
Solo date, I'm afraid.
I know.
I'm just kidding.
You kids have fun.
You know what? Give me one second.
I want to put some drops in your eyes to soothe them.
Oh, great.
Thanks.
Tilt your head back again.
Okay.
You know what? Why don't you give me a call? Maybe we'll box again soon.
My eyes are all blurry.
Is that normal, Robert? What do you mean? I can't see anything.
Everything's blurry.
Is it like when you had the anxiety attack? No, no! I totally feel fine physically.
I just can't see shit.
It's it's kind of like when that first time I came And you put those evil fucking blurry drops in my eyes? Well, that's strange because I definitely didn't Oh, no! Look at that.
Oh, geez! I was trying to help you By putting the drops in that soothe your eyes, And I accidentally put the ones in That fuck you all up instead.
I would be worried, but knowing you And the calemnity With which you handle sudden, stressful situations, I know you're gonna be just fine.
Touché, Robert.
That shit is fucked up, but touché.
You have a nice night.
Yeah.
Aah! Whoops.
Fuck! That's the door.
And by the way, "calemnity" is not a word.
It's calmness or equanimity.
Really? That's I've been using "calemnity" for years.
You know, I guess people just assumed maybe I was smarter than them, And they didn't want to correct me.
You wouldn't identify with that at all, would you, big guy? Aah! That's wall.
Fuck! Just bursting your wings all forth now, aren't you? Yeah, that's okay.
I get to give the suicide dummy pain.
Fuck me hard! Oh, honey, it's so nice That you have boyfriends everywhere you go.
That's funny.
Okay, I'm gonna go next door.
You guys try not to run off to vegas.
What did I tell you? She's like crack, right? Yes, she is.
You need any crack? No, I'm good.
Can I see her? Sure.
Go right through that curtain.
Grandma? Hey, Gamon.
Miller.
It's gamon from Rosa's psychic shop.
That girl is here again.
Tell your grandmother to do the same thing as last time.
Same price? Sure.
You got it.
That girl is in there again.
It would be good if you saw that cop in her future.
Get me some chicken wings with extra hot sauce.
Money? Don't try to con me, you little fucker.
I'll drug you and leave you in port authority in your underwear.
Okay! Jesus! What about my hat lover? Are you sure he's the one? You found him and he had a hat? Well, I've found him all along, But, yeah, he was wearing a hat for the first time.
We bought it together.
No, no, no, no.
Your hat guy already had a hat.
You have the wrong hat guy.
No.
No, that's impossible.
Trust me, sweetie.
Your hat guy already had a hat.
Never mind.
You see? Damn.
That's what I was talking about.
It was just really uncomfortable.
Why did he have to make it so big? Because Bigger is better, girls.
Anybody who tells you anything different is lying.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, God! Faster! Faster! Harder! Yes! Fuck me with that fire hydrant! Fuck! Shit, it's got to hurt a little bit, come on.
No! I love it! It's perfect! Tell me it hurts! Tell me it hurts! It feels so good.
Harder! Yeah, rip me open, baby.
I can't breathe! Stop honking your fucking horn! It's a green light! Okay, stop honking your horn.
Stop honking your horn.
Get out of the car.
Get out of the fucking car.
Police.
Get the fuck out of your car! Detective christian Miller.
Get out of the vehicle right now! Okay, but you were sitting in the road with a green light.
Get the fuck out of your vehicle right the fuck now! Get the fuck out! All right, just you don't honk except in case of emergency.
Not 'cause you're late for your little fucking cigar-smoking club.
You got it? This is outrageous.
Do you know who I am? I'll have your badge! You are no one! You're a little fucking cunt! And don't ever, ever honk your horn again, Or I will find you and I will fucking kill you! What's your badge number?! What? What is your badge number?! You want my badge number? Yes! Here it is.
Can you read that? Can you see it? You psycho! Yes! What does that say?! What does it say?! Repeat it! Closer? Can you see? Oh, there it is, you dumb fuck! Fuck! Cocksucker! Repeat the fucking badge number! Get the fuck out of here! Get in that fucking car.
Get in there! Your fucking your career is over! You just made the biggest mistake of your life! I will fucking find you and destroy you! Jack, what do you got for me? Everything you asked for.
You found him? Oh, I found him.
Name, address, pictures, everything.
All right, don't talk about it on the phone.
I'm on my way right now.
I love your tattoo.
I'm glad.
It's because of you.
No, it's because of you.
I just happened to be around when you became you.
Come with me.
You were really into that guy, huh? No.
I wasn't really into diego.
I was really into this guy.
But diego wasn't this guy Even though he looks a lot like him.
I think you're this guy.
You think? I sell makeup at a department store.
I change lives.
What? I sell makeup at a department store.
I change lives.
I wasRobotic.
Everything I did My life A cliché.
27-year-old girl Mother dies in childbirth, Father doesn't even recognize her presence, Can't forgive her mother for dying Or her father for blaming her for it.
She has no friends.
She gets a cat.
She tempts fate for a few weeks with cutting.
She's never had a boyfriend Masturbates with no results And can't address the fact That she is incapable of any feelings whatsoever.
But she loves chocolate cake And the intrigue of another life One that matters.
I died.
And that light that everybody talks about It totally exists.
I didn't meet any dead relatives or anything like that.
And That made me sad Because I thought I would meet my mother.
But, no.
Something else Extraordinary happened.
Diego.
He had a name.
We were in the same hospital.
Somehow we met.
Somehow we connected.
He's gone now But because of him, Because I know I can't live without that feeling, I can love you.
Robert collingsworth with the awesome tattoo I'm so in love with you.
I'm honored.
I made it out of the liquor closet And into your apartment.
You are the first girl That I've slept with since I got enlarged That liked it, so Are you kidding me? I mean, I don't understand those other girls.
Your big dick felt so good inside of me.
God! I want it in me forever.
How has, your life changed since I got my big, beautiful breasts? Right.
I mean, obviously, men treat you different.
Right? Yeah.
I mean, when I was flat-chested, I got a certain amount of attention 'cause I was pretty, But I always got the linemen.
I mean, they were nice guys, But you only live once, And I want to be the girl that gets the quarterback.
And now that I got these I get the quarterback.
Can I suck on your cock now? I just I want you to choke me with it.
No.
Megan Thank you for the kind offer, but, no, no.
Why not? Look, I don't mean to be rude, But life is short, And I'm just not feeling it with you.
Feeling what? That this could go anywhere.
I mean, it's it's it's just It's no reason.
It's just not the chemistry that You scared me.
I thought you didn't like my tits.
Look, I don't care if this goes anywhere As long as this chokes me to death right now.
Megan, megan, megan.
Listen, okay? Look look, you ueem like a very nice girl, But I I didn't get a bigger dick to fuck the main cheerleader.
I got a bigger dick Because I thought that it would help me to find true love.
I mean, my whole life, I was able to make people happy With my personality and my care.
But when they would see my little dick, Some of them would leave.
So, I thought that if I could fix it, I would be home free.
But you know what? I realized something.
I wouldn't want to be with somebody That didn't want to spend the rest of their life with me Over a few inches, Because True love can see past that.
Okay.
Now can I choke on it? No, megan.
You cannot choke on it now.
I'm sorry.
I think you should leave.
No problema.
You were fun.
Okay, so ThisIs YourMan.
Yeah, I'd like to report a crime.
What happened? I was assaulted by a detective for honking my horn.
I am so sorry to hear that, sir.
Why were you honking your horn at the officer? Because he was sitting stopped at a green light.
So, there was no emergency, then? It's a violation to honk your horn Unless there's an emergency.
Is it a violation to imprint his badge into my forehead?! You must've really been honking.
Let's see.
Shit, it's backwards.
Anyone got a mirror? Right here.
"B" 4-5-8-D.
Got it.
His name is William Herbert Champagne, A.
K.
A.
B.
C.
, And he lives in scarsdale at I know where he lives.
You find him? Detective Miller was his name.
There's no detective Miller on the NYPD.
Well, who comes up with that badge number? No one.
It doesn't exist.
there's a pain in my heart I need to sort out it's getting better now I don't go out 'cause the babies born in my brain take up so much space that I can't think straight too much, too much, too much today