Grimsburg (2024) s01e09 Episode Script

1
[tense music]
This is it. We're about
to solve the case of
the Jenga Killer.
One of these bodies holds
the clue to finding the killer.
The key to this game
is a gentle touch.
♪
- Jenga!
- No, Summers, you only shout Jenga
when the stack topples,
or during sex.
[pile creaking]
[crashing]
- N-Now?
- [sighs]
- Yes.
- Jenga! Ew.
[dramatic music]
♪
From now on, the only
stacking you're gonna
be doing is, well, I
guess maybe regular Jenga
if they let you play that
in prison.
Looks like you beat him
at his own game.
And now that I'm done with
my pithy summation, drinks?
Sure, let's go drink because
I've got zero obligations,
and there's absolutely
nowhere else I need to be.
[trumpet blaring]
[over PA] Good morning, parents
and welcome
to the Grimsburg Elementary
Hobby Horse
race, show, tournament?
Whatever it is.
They're your kids,
and you've got to be here
to watch them run around
on fake stick horses.
You're the best horse ever,
Cinnamon Rainbow Starship.
[whistle blares]
And they're off. And they're
coming around the thing there.
And now they're jumping
through tires,
just like real athletes,
which they are not.
And that knee slide is a point
or a point deduction.
Who cares?
At least they're getting
some exercise, right?
[whistle blares]
Third place.
Ah, the majesty of bronze.
Dad, I came in third!
Oh, guess he had
more important things to do.
Hey everybody, what celebrity
does this crouton look like?
You're going to make
your feet more purple
than the ones I saw today
in the morgue.
Oh, sorry.
Just a little on edge.
Grow up around bears, you
kind of take on their habits.
And have you ever heard
the term "in heat"?
So you're in your horny era.
That's fun.
Tell that
to the open cabinet door
I ran into
and then kept running into.
Oh.
We should go out.
You know, hit up a bar,
meet somebody not made of wood.
I mean, I guess Flute
could watch Stan.
That's one good thing
about having him back.
In fact, he's actually
watching him right now at his
hobby horse thing, unless
I'm supposed to be there.
Am I?
Nah, nah.
I don't know, though.
A singles night?
I feel like
I don't need it that bad.
[grunting]
Ugh, enjoy
your hibernation, bitch.
- So I'll pick you up at 7:00?
- Yeah, sounds great.
- Chris Evans.
- Um, Willem Dafoe?
- No, Tobey Maguire!
- Oh, come on.
Tobey Maguire has a weak chin.
Seabiscuit had
a stronger jawline than
wait, Seabiscuit? Horse?
I'm supposed to be at
Stan's hobby horse thing!
Or no, wait, was Harmony
handling that one?
Yeah.
No. Wait.
Yeah.
But I should go home anyway.
- OK, well at least leave
- No, the crouton comes with me.
[all groan]
[grunts]
[grunts]
Stan, why are you Roomba-ing
down the hallway?
Oh, sorry, Dr. Pentos.
It's just my dad
forgot about me again.
- But you know him.
- Oh, do I.
For years he came to me
for help with his darkest,
most unsolvable cases.
And help him I would.
I even bought this scrapbook to
capture all of our escapades.
Ah, the key I helped him find
behind a dead man's eye.
[sniffs]
Still smells like eye.
I assumed this would be filled
by now, but alas.
He's been so busy
since he returned,
- I hardly ever see him.
- Me neither.
I don't think he'd care about me
- unless I were on a milk carton.
- That's it.
You have unintentionally
given me the impetus
for a foolproof plan.
Step one, we pretend
you've been kidnapped.
Step two, I plant clues
so deviously diabolic
your father will be forced
to solicit my help.
Step three, he and I
will join forces
and rekindle our special brand
of adversarial friendship
that Hallmark has yet
to make a card for.
- [giggles]
- And what about me?
You? Oh, you're the bait.
That's the most important part.
[tense music]
♪
- Hi. Just getting home from the thing?
- Yep. How was your thing?
Oh, great. Everything I was
supposed to do today, I did.
Me too, and the things
I'm pretty certain
I was not supposed to do,
- I left for you to do.
- Me too.
- Love it when we're on the same page.
- Same paragraph even.
- I hope you had fun today, Stan.
- Love you, Stanny.
He's probably in his room
with his headphones on.
And don't worry about that
broken cabinet in there.
I'll fix that later.
Fix it real good.
[soft dramatic music]
♪
Follow this map to the cabin
in Missing Children Forest.
And don't worry,
it's only called that
to keep kids from going in there.
But since kids hate
being told what to do,
tons have gone in
and now they're missing.
So the name is pretty literal now.
Have fun.
Well, either
your dad finds us alive
or they start
a scholarship in your name
at school, and everyone
pretends that they liked you.
- I'd say that's a win-win.
- Come on.
And make sure we leave prints
so my dad could track us.
Did you track mud
in the house?
[tense music]
Oh, my God.
We've got to find our
- Wine opener.
- These woods are creepy.
- If I had skin, it would be crawling.
- Don't worry.
My dad is probably
already hot on our heels.
- You look hot in those heels.
- Well, get a good look,
because they won't be on
for much longer.
Hubba, hubba.
- Shouldn't we be at the cabin by now?
- Whoa!
Don't worry.
My dad will find us
before you can say
Supercalifragilistic-
expialidocious.
Ugh, I don't even
care that you're my super
calloused fragile ego ex
with halitosis. Come here.
[grunting, chuckles]
[music]
[growls]
[chuckles]
- [laughs] Oh.
- Oh.
Jenga!
Flute and Harmony
sitting in a tree ♪
P-O-R-K-I ♪
Hey, I just want
to say I really owe you one.
Another one?
Well, I'm not sure I could
rebound that quickly,
but I did pick up some gas
station pills the other day.
It had a rhino on the package,
and its horn was a volcano.
No, I owe you
for picking up Stan
from his hobby horse race,
show, tournament?
Yes, I very much enjoyed
the activity itself
as well as bringing
our son home from it,
- which I also very much did.
- I'll go see if he wants breakfast.
No. What is this, 1950?
The mom has to do everything?
Let that sexist kid
get it himself.
You should enjoy your day.
I was going
to hang out with Wynona.
OK, bye.
[dramatic music]
♪
Oh, crap.
Huh. Maybe my parents
are right to ignore me.
I can't even get
fake kidnapped right.
My dad will never find me now.
You don't need a dad to find you.
We found you.
- We're the Funaways.
- The Funaways?
Like runaways but funner.
[screams]
[grunts]
We're kids who ran away
from home just like you,
same age peer.
If these guys are kids, I'm a
real person with working organs.
[tires screech]
[panting]
OMG, he's here.
How should I greet him?
Backlit by the window?
No.
What about emerging
from the shadows? No.
The overhead projector.
Well, well, well.
If it is not he whom I consider
to be my arch ene
- Hey.
- I need your help.
Stan's been kidnapped,
and the kidnapper
left behind a series of clues
that point to him
- being a sick, twisted genius.
- Maybe even a super genius?
- I wouldn't go that far.
- Yeah, we'll stick with genius.
I'd normally
be able to solve them,
but I'm having trouble.
Because they were left
by a genius.
No, no,
because my mind is elsewhere.
You see, last night,
I had sex with Harm.
Oh well,
that is none of my business.
Oh, it was good.
I mean, real good.
If the sex we had were
a brand of snack cracker,
it would be Wheat Thins.
- We had the Wheat Thins of sex.
- Mm, I don't eat crackers.
It was like
she was the "Wheel of Fortune,"
and I was buying a vowel,
and that vowel was O. Get it?
I'll take game show double
entendres for 800, Alex.
I don't get it. But you
know who did get it last night?
Anyway, if you need
my help, I could probably
- squeeze in a little escapade.
- Good, let's go.
Flute and Pentos sitting in a tree.
- S-O-L-V-I-N
- Are you coming?
Yes, I am.
Right. Yes.
- What is this place?
- Funville, where the only rule is to have fun!
We always have fun
'cause there's no parents
watching over us.
- It's just the silly kids.
- And the frozen skeletons.
But I ran away because
I wanted more attention
- from my parents, not less.
- Why?
I want my dad's attention
because he always gets busy
at work and forgets about me.
He ignores you.
Why care about him?
You're right. I'm not pretend
getting kidnapped anymore.
I'm for real running away!
Thanks.
- What's your name?
- Timmy Tommy.
What a great child's name
for someone who thinks
that's what they are.
Hi, can I get
a half caf americano
and identify
my father's remains?
Oh, and a splash of oat milk.
You had ex sex with Marvin?
Tell me everything.
Well, not everything.
I still have to catalog
severed feet with him,
- and I don't want it to be weird.
- It was chill.
I know humans
like to overthink sex,
but for me it's simple.
When a mama bear is in heat,
the male sniffs her urine,
they chew each other's heads,
and then violently copulate
before going
their separate ways.
- Super chill.
- To you.
- What about to him?
- Oh, he's fine.
Marvin was literally pushing me
out the door this morning.
I don't know. You had sex.
- There have to be feelings involved.
- No, there aren't, and I'll prove it
by going grizzly style
at the bar tonight.
I'll sleep with the first guy
who comes up to me.
At the bar tonight alive.
Remember the last time
we were here?
We dug up all those corpses
looking for a wrist bone
that matched
the killer's watchband size.
How fun was that?
- Do you think we'll get back together?
- Let's stay focused on that.
If we did, I could move
back into the bedroom
and we could play battle farts
in the middle of the night
- like the good old days.
- Oh, look, a church. Let's go.
Battle farts.
That sounds like a great idea
for a game show
where you lip sync with your farts.
I smell a hit.
Ooh, I Smell A Hit
would be a great name too.
- Wait, Smelt It, Belt It.
- Dear God.
Phew, I think I had
too much candy for funch.
Hey, do you like "Mortal Kombat"?
- I love Mortal
- Cool. Here's your knife.
Whoever bleeds the least wins.
Have fun.
Who would have thought
taking candy
from men dressed as children
would have taken
such a weird turn? Hm.
[tense music]
- Round one. Fight.
- Oh, OK. I guess I lost.
It's not over
till someone's bleeding.
Ah!
- I'm sorry.
- [screams]
♪
Ah! [screams]
Jean Claude Van Stan,
that stick looks like
Cinnamon Rainbow Starship.
♪
- Ah!
- Jump!
Ah, up, up, down, down!
- [screams]
- Forget what I said.
Just do whatever that is.
- OK.
- [grunts]
Ow!
[crowd gasps]
No one's ever done that before.
It is as the prophecy foretold.
He even wears the cape.
ALL: All hail the Kool King.
Super great. Nothing
bad ever happens to kings.
[eerie music]
Oh look, a numeric code
just waiting to be cracked.
But to do so,
you must be willing
to slip through the cracks
of your own fragile psyche
and confront the darkness
that hides within.
Or it might just correspond
to this organ.
- Well, last night my organ
- Oh wait, there is a riddle
written on the other side.
And it seems perfectly
suited for your current
sensual state of mind.
Uh, what two notes
would a man play
to signal he is willing
to go there with his partner?
When I was single,
I was always D to F.
- Down to French.
- Oh, how clever.
Play a D and then an F.
[plays organ]
OK, it's working.
Read the next one.
What's the most desirable cup size?
Obviously one C and one A.
Symmetry is overrated.
Wow, this kidnapper
knows you well.
[chuckles]
Try that.
[plays organ]
Almost there.
What spot do women
always say men can't find?
No idea what you're talking about.
I mean, I've heard women
complain if you have ED,
and they hate it if you don't
wear a C because she might
get knocked up, and then
you've got to spend a G
to get an A.
Of course, it is her B, her C,
at least it used to be.
RIP RBG.
Ugh, it was
a long way to get there,
but you landed on G,
so let's try that.
[plays organ]
Look at us, huh?
Solving a mystery
just like old times.
Doesn't it feel great
to come together like this?
Speaking of come together,
did you see
that Beatles documentary?
It's so good.
[triumphant music]
♪
All right, what fun stuff
are we going to do now?
- Um, where do babies come from?
- Hold my feet while I do situps.
It kind of seems like
you guys are treating me
- more like a dad than a king.
- That's crazy. We hate parents.
Hey, I'm gonna
run out to the store.
You can't leave.
Nobody leaves.
- But I'm the king.
- I said you can't leave!
Oh, let's put on a play.
- ALL: Yeah!
- [sighs]
[upbeat music]
This place is nice.
You can't even tell
it used to be a jail for kids.
♪
All right, it's happening.
Tonight, I'm gonna sleep
with one of these guys.
And it's great
how they all seem
really casual and cool.
♪
Which was crazy because
he wasn't even wearing socks.
- [laughs]
- Right? It's like, hello?
I guess the Sock-Wearing Killer
was a bit of a misnomer.
[laughter]
Oh, you know, this has been
a fun little escapade.
Anyway, there's the cabin.
I hope my son isn't dead.
Stan?
He's not here.
Oh, look,
a three-ring binder of clues.
This is just an annoyingly
long list of Airbnb rules.
No shoes in the shower?
No spoons in the dishwasher?
Weird.
But hey,
maybe we check in here.
What?
He's not here.
But he had a map.
I mean, I assume.
Why would you assume
he had a map?
Oh, you know children love maps,
ever since
that Dora who explore-as.
Fine, Stan and I planned
a whole fake kidnapping
so you'd pay attention to us.
But now he's really missing,
and it's your fault
because you didn't value
our relationship.
- What relationship?
- Oh, come on.
Don't pretend
you didn't feel it today.
Wow. You're getting
more clingy
than Harmony will be
after last night.
Oh, yes,
how many times has Harmony
tried to call you today?
Hm?
If you think you're getting
back together with her,
maybe you're the one
who is criminally insane.
You take that back.
WebMD says
I'm just clinically insane.
Stan, where are you?
Pentos told me everything.
He said you wanted my attention.
Well, now you've got my
huh, what a weird leaf.
Cool branch, though.
Can you buy a tree?
Who would you make
the check out to?
Wait, what was I doing?
Oh, well, I guess I'll just go home
since I've got zero obligations
and there's absolutely
nowhere else I need to be!
Even though this net
has literally
turned my frown
upside-down,
I'm still very unhappy
about this.
And then the astronaut
killed the guy
with the laser,
and my cat ate a donut
and then my whole class
got ice cream,
and my cat liked the donut.
The end.
[cheers and applause]
King Stan,
we come bearing gifts.
[dramatic music]
Ask him if he's a parent.
Seems like he might be
judging by his diminished looks
and tired demeanor.
Try looking in a mirror, pal.
We destroyed
the mirrors a long time ago
once they started lying to us.
- [grunts]
- Halt.
If he is indeed a parent, then
let's leave him where he is
and forget about him
just like parents do to us.
If I see one of you
even look at him,
you'll spend the week
in the Funitentiary.
Funderstood?
- But what if they see you?
- They won't.
[suspenseful music]
Now let's go.
♪
- Hey.
- [gasps]
He's funning away!
Get him!
Maybe not every word
needs to be changed to fun.
[upbeat music]
The female
scans the watering hole
for a suitable mate until
a new suitor reveals himself.
[laughs] I'm Garren.
Can I let you buy me a drink?
You said the first guy
who approached you.
So you like
nature documentaries?
No, I hate nature.
I'm a voice guy.
- Oh, a voice actor?
- No, just a guy who does voices.
I do Borat,
Austin Powers, The Rock.
You don't do those in bed,
though, do you?
- Yes, baby.
- [chuckles] Fun. You know what?
I just heard
that woman over there
say she's dying to hear
a good Christopher Walken.
[as Christopher Walken]
Then she is about to die.
Ugh, fine, you were right.
I can't just sleep with anyone.
I guess I just wanted
to sleep with Marvin? [gasps]
Does this mean I want
to get back together with him?
Calm down.
So you went
for some low hanging Flute.
It happens. Just talk to him
and lay down some ground rules.
Right. Totally.
We're going to lay it down.
On the ground.
No, no, in chairs, just talking,
lots of clothes on.
Thanks, Wynona.
From the gentleman in the hat.
Uh, not that one.
♪
[suspenseful music]
♪
Need a ride?
♪
Now this is an escapade!
♪
I'm sorry I bungled this up.
I should not have tried to force
things to be the way they used to be.
Hey, maybe we'll never be
passionate arch enemies again,
but that doesn't mean we can't
settle into some sort of new
- Relationship?
- Dynamic.
And Stan, I'm sorry I missed
- your hobby horse tournament.
- That's OK.
I was mad at first,
but I had no idea how many
dumb things kids want you to do
when you're a dad.
Pfft, you have no idea.
I wish you could have seen
yourself at five.
"See yourself."
That's it.
They haven't looked
in a mirror in decades.
Quick, turn off the lights.
- Wow, we're old.
- I need to start an IRA.
I need to eat something
other than candy.
Here you go.
Hey, this crouton looks
like Mark-Paul Gosselaar.
Yes, yes,
that's who I was thinking of!
Well, good luck
re-acclimating to society.
Nothing is at all like
you remember it, so bye.
- So about last night
- No, no, no. No need.
I'm not going to assume
things are gonna go back to the
way things used to be just
because we had mind blowing,
groin scorching, mega sex
like we used to have.
Oh, so you're saying
we just kind of
chew each other's heads
and then go back
to our respective caves?
You took the words right out
of my salmon-eating maw.
[man]
The male smiles at the female,
an acceptance
that this relationship
is where it is right now,
and that's OK.
My wife!