Harvey Beaks (2015) s01e09 Episode Script

1 Harvey Harvey Harvey Uh.
Sorry, Mrs.
Beaks.
That's okay, MJ.
We'll take care of it.
Hey, Bartleburt, I know it's the end of your shift, but you mind shoving the books in the return bin? Honey, that's for books, not for garbage.
- Sorry, Mrs.
Beaks.
- Hey, I know it's been busy lately, but we'll get this place cleaned up.
Well, that's the nature of the beast, but I love it.
Oh-ho, Bartleburt.
Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! - Did! My! Book! Come! In? - No.
Budget cuts.
- What? - Just kidding! Detective Dirk.
He's on the case! Thanks, Mom.
Yeah! Whoops.
Sorry, Bartleburt.
No problem, Harvey.
Wh Wh What the Why the heck is there a ghost in the library? Attention, all library nerds and Foo.
You're in terrible danger.
Run! Run for the exit! Push each other down if you got to.
You're all gonna die! This is not a drill.
- What's going on? - Take this pan.
If he comes at you, just whack him between the eyes.
Who? Look at him, hunting for his next victim.
Hmm, I think this goes in the biography section.
Yeah.
That's just Bartleburt.
He works here.
What? What moron would hire a ghost? Hey, my mom hired him.
Wait.
Foo is still out there.
I gotta warn him.
Wake up, Foo! It's a ghost! Run faster, or he'll catch you! Kid, a-are you okay? - A-ah, what was that? - Die, monster! Hey.
I just organized those, you know.
- Go haunt some other place! - How dare you? What whoa.
- All right, give me that.
- He's got my stick.
The ghost is going crazy with my stick.
That's it.
This was supposed to be a tolerant environment.
Bartleburt, where are you going? I'm sorry for that outburst, Miriam, but I deserve better treatment than this.
I quit.
Sorry, Mrs.
Beaks.
Crisis is over, folks! Go about your business.
- I saved us.
- Fee, that was disappointing.
Irving, I'm going to have to work late again tonight.
Why isn't anyone thanking me? Um, Fee, that was pretty mean what you did back there.
What, with that ghost? Ghosts don't have feelings.
I think you went too far this time.
Maybe you should just go to Rotbark and apologize to Bartleburt.
What? If I go there, I will die.
- It's science, Harvey.
- It's not science.
It's manners.
Fine, I'll go, but the ghost will eat me, and then you'll see I was right.
All y'all stay back! I know karate.
Hi-ya! Huh! Huh! Sweetie, is that the child you were telling me about? Yes, it's her.
I'm going out there, Carol.
Get the hose ready.
What do you want? Look, I'm supposed to ask you to come back.
- So? Go and ask me.
- I don't really wanna.
What? What is your problem with me? - You're a creepy ghost.
- You know, we prefer the term "tree spirit.
" And so what if I am? Well, you eat kids' faces and stuff.
I what? You ignorant child.
You have no idea what being a tree spirit is like, do you? Well, I think it's time you get a little education.
What? No! I hate education! The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round.
Ugh, what happened? Uh, that's much better.
Wait.
What the Oh, my gosh.
What'd you do to me?! Okay, read me the next chapter.
Let's see.
"Pete knew the culprit "couldn't be Becky.
After all, she was crowned homecoming queen.
" Harvey? Foo? You guys in there? - Hi, Fee.
- Did you apologize? - Fee, did you apologize? - I got to show you guys something, and you have to promise not to be scared.
Uh, I scare easily, so I'm not good at making that promise.
Just cover your eyes for a sec.
All right.
They're covered.
Harvey, you cover Foo's eyes too.
He's a peeker.
Heh heh.
Guilty.
Okay, come on in.
Just don't freak out.
Whoa.
You look different.
- You didn't apologize, did you? - No, and I'm not gonna, especially 'cause that jerk Bartleburt turned me into this.
I understand if you don't want to hang around me no more, - me being a scary ghost and all.
- I don't think you're scary.
Yeah.
Not any more than usual.
Aren't you afraid I'll eat your face and poop it in the woods? - Do you feel like eating my face? - Hmm.
No, not really.
I just feel like me but more floaty.
No matter what you look like, you're still my sister.
- Give me a hug.
- Thanks, Foo.
So are you gonna go apologize to Bartleburt? Yeah.
I'm gonna go do that.
Not.
I mean, look at me! I can fly and go through walls.
- It's time to go have some fun.
- Yeah! Okay, finish the story.
Kratz, you can't go to sleep yet.
We're supposed to tell each other scary stories.
I don't know any scary stories.
I do know a story about a fish.
He's not really scary, just kind of grumpy.
Ooh! Ah, who is that? You don't want to know.
I'm scared.
I told you we should've brought my mom.
Dade, look! You two Um oh, oh! You two have to have to sniff each other's armpits.
- What? W-Why? - Dade, I think we should just do it.
I mean, the ghost told us to.
- Ugh, okay.
Sorry, Kratz.
- I'm so sorry.
Stop, stop, stop.
Oh, man, I can't believe you were actually gonna do it.
Well, anyway, I'll haunt you forever.
Bye.
That was close.
Crazy things can happen when you go camping.
Stop talking, Kratz.
Hmm? I should go show Miriam my new look.
It's been a long day, Miriam, but you did it.
You ran the entire library by yourself.
Oh, I miss Bartleburt.
Oh, Fee.
Oh, boy.
I really messed things up.
If only there was some sort of sign of what I'm supposed to do.
"Saying you're sorry.
" "Your words are hurtful.
" Hmm.
"Penguin can count to 10.
" If a stupid penguin can count to ten, then I can figure this out.
How long are you gonna keep doing that? Food doesn't alphabetize itself, Carol.
Honey, maybe it's time to look for another job.
Another job? But I just I just miss the library.
I know, pooky.
I know.
All right.
Time to bring out the big guns.
Hmm, what's this? Aww.
Look at her childish scrawl.
Maybe I was a little too harsh on her.
"Eat my barf"? I will not eat your barf! Uh-oh.
I haven't learned anything.
Better come catch me.
Oh, I will catch you.
Get back here! Whoa.
The library.
It's so perfect.
"Please come back.
" Aww.
Bartleburt, I've been a real jerk to you.
It turns out I was the monster, not you.
Who would've guessed? I mean, look at your dumb sweater.
It's totally creepazoid material, no offense.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry.
- Bartleburt, you're back? - Um, well Yup.
I got him to come back.
Right, Bartleburt? Please? Yeah, Miriam.
- I'm coming back to work.
- Oh, that's fantastic! Yeah, in fact, Fee even volunteered to work at the library with me for the next week.
- Isn't that right, Fee? - Yup.
Um, Bartleburt, could you turn me back to normal? Well, I don't mean "normal" as if a tree spirit is abnormal.
- I just - Yeah, yeah, it's all right.
Don't dwell on it, yeah.
Mom, Mom! We can't find Fee! - Oh, hey, dudes.
- Hey, you're back to normal.
Hey, hey, mister, I'm not afraid of ghosts anymore.
My sister was one, so I get it.
I'm cool.
- Hmm.
- So I guess everything worked out.
Fee's no longer a tree spirit, Bartleburt came back to the library, and I helped solve the mystery of Coach Maloney's missing whistle.
What? I finished my book.
Boo! Come to Doctor Roberts' free cake party.
Hmm.
I never really crave cake, but I could eat.
What a nice cake.
I hope it's not coconut.
I'm pretty sure I might be allergic.
- I could die.
- I want to hug it with my mouth.
There's no security guard.
Let's lift it.
Ha, ha, ha! Thank you all for gathering on this special day.
Um, we were promised free cake.
I have something better than cake: victory over your peers in a "best kid" competition.
Only the strongest will prevail, and the winner will take home this fabulous trophy.
Wow.
I've never actually won a trophy before.
My sister is always beating me at things.
Isn't your sister overseas at a gymnastics championship? You're right.
I have a chance at winning for once.
Yes.
Any of you could win.
It could be you or you.
Ah, a bee! Get it away! - Or you.
- Ah.
Or the winner could be my amazing, talented, genius daughter, Princess.
I don't like these chips! Now, for the first event, the Gela-tine race.
Go.
Children, the whistle means go.
Oh.
Ooh, look, a butterfly.
Oops.
Oh, well.
Go, Claire! I did it! And the winner is Princess! So itchy right now.
What? On to the next event.
Oh, that was wonderful.
- And the winner is Princess.
- Ugh! I don't like it! Winner! - Ugh, ugh, ugh.
- Winner.
Winner.
All right.
Now, for the final event, the spelling bee.
Whoo! Go, Claire! No pressure.
Claire, your word is Um, I couldn't really understand you.
Could you use it in a sentence? Of course.
Let's go to the store and get some Um, are you saying a word or is it just, like, wind sounds? Ah, I'm sorry, dear.
That's incorrect.
Princess, your word is "perfect.
" "Perfect.
" M-E, me.
Ugh.
Correct! And the winner of the "best kid" competition is Princess.
In your face! There she goes, Ms.
Best Kid of Little Bark Grove Yeah! I'm the best! Ah, yes.
Oh, great.
I'm starting to feel like this competition may be rigged.
- Claire, wait up! - My mom says whenever I fail, I have to write a report on how I can improve next time.
You didn't fail.
You were the only one giving it your all in every event.
- I don't know.
- You were robbed.
- You deserved to win.
- Yes! Our only option is to make Princess feel bad and steal back the trophy.
No! Fee, stealing is wrong.
Two wrongs make a right, Harvey.
That's just math.
Dude, look at Claire.
She tried so hard.
- This isn't fair, and you know it.
- Hmm, you're right.
Claire, we're gonna put a plan together to get you that trophy.
Really? Can you breathe in there? Just ring the doorbell.
The universe, is that you? - Oh, my.
- Hey, Dr.
Roberts.
I brought line.
A gift.
A gift for line.
The best kid.
The best kid.
Now, do the thing.
- Okay.
- Ah, wonderful! It's amazing what you children can accomplish with your tiny hands.
Dad, I got crumbs.
Fix it for me.
Darling, your friend brought you a gift.
She can smell fear.
Ah! I don't like it that much.
- I'm gonna smash it with a bat.
- She's so creative.
- Did she say "a bat"? - Foo, do something! Mm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Hey, Dr.
Roberts, tell me about mm, all of this.
The long version.
Well, when I was born, the planets were aligned in such a way that I gained Oof, ah.
Go, go, go.
Okay, we got to find where she keeps her trophies.
Wow, this room's pretty bare.
I was kind of expecting more toys.
Man, she must really like crystals.
I found the trophy room.
There's a lot of them.
She should have the trophy for having the most trophies.
Oh, never mind.
She does.
This one says "World's Greatest Fire Juggler.
" "Father of the year"? I didn't know Princess was a dad.
She's been cheating since forever.
She's got to be stopped.
- La, la, la, la, la.
- Oh, no, she's back! Hide! Pshh! Pshh! Landing.
Super Princess is so talented and special.
Yeah, basically.
Everyone else is dumb and weak.
Please show us how to be more like you, if that's even possible.
Okay, I guess.
Crystal makeover power! Pshhoo! Pshhoo.
Pshhoo.
Now, I'm all transformed.
Can you guys even handle it? Oh, my gosh, wow.
I'm fainting.
You're all dumb.
I'm the best forever! We still haven't found the trophy.
What should we do? Okay, hear me out.
What if we just destroyed the entire house? What? Ew! I got bored.
Are you guys done stealing yet? - Really, Foo? - Get out of my room! You guys are obsessed with me.
Huh! We came for the trophy, Princess.
That belongs to Claire.
Nuh-uh.
That's mine.
You're all just jealous.
These crystals you're playing with, are these your toys? So? My dad doesn't buy me real toys because he says - they're bad for my aura.
- I know what that's like.
My mom won't let me watch TV because she says it rots my brain, but I do get to have toys sometimes.
You guys think my dolls are lame? - Whatever.
I don't even care! - Wait.
Here.
I have this Bed Head Betty doll.
I want you to have it.
Anyway, I'd better go.
Ah, what is this? My face is making juice.
- I think you're having a feeling.
- Make it stop! Claire just did something really nice for you.
You should do something nice for her.
She really wanted that trophy today.
What if you hold a "best kid" rematch and gave her a fair shot this time? Dad! Well, at least Dr.
Roberts isn't exploding out of a cake this time.
Ha! Hi! Ya! Welcome.
I've gathered you all in the name of sport.
The "best kid" competition rematch.
Now, time will only allow for one event.
The most ancient of all trials the sack race.
At the end of the race, we shall crown Princess the winner.
No, Dad.
Remember, we're doing it fair this time.
Yeah, Princess! You're doing the right thing! All right, stay in your jumping sacks, and the first to the finish line is the winner.
- Hey, Princess, good luck.
- May the best kid win.
On your mark.
Get set.
Whoa! Oh, no! Princess forgot the plan.
She didn't forget.
She's cheating.
Oh, right.
We have to stop her.
Way ahead of ya.
- Foo, let's do it.
- Okay.
Hyah! She's not slowing down.
Princess, stop! Quit riding my coattail! Princess, you promised to play fair! Go away! I want that trophy! Guys, help! Harvey's distress signal.
We're coming, buddy! - Claire's too far behind.
- Princess, stop! Ah, ha ha ha ha! Huh? Peasant girl, why have you come to my magical palace? Oh, Princess, I've come to humbly offer a gift, this simple doll.
It's all I have.
Gimme! Cool.
You honor me.
And now, I can die in peace.
Wait, I won? I really won? And the winner is Princess! No, Dad.
Give it to Claire.
She won fair and square.
Darling, that doesn't sound like you.
Have you been possessed by a dark energy? Give it to her! All right, whatever makes my sunshine happy.
The winner is not my daughter! I get to write my first victory report.
- Hey, that was pretty fun.
- You're strong.
Princess, you did the right thing.
In fact, I think you deserve another trophy.
The sweetheart of the Oh, she's already gone.