Harvey Street Kids (2018) s01e09 Episode Script
Wary Lotta & The Chamber of Secrets/VHMess
1 [rock music.]
One, two, three, go! Whoa-oh, oh, oh - That's my drummer - This is my beat Whoa-oh, oh, oh We're Harvey Kids Gonna run this street! Run, run, run this street It's Saturday o'clock Come on, get on your feet The world's our dance floor Our moves are sweet We're Harvey Kids Gonna run, run, run this street Wow! [upbeat music.]
[chorus.]
Hey! Dear Diary, it's me, Lotta.
Well, I can't stop thinking about my big secret crush on Gerald.
It's so embarrassing.
No one has crushes! I can't even tell -What ya doing, L-slice? -Uh, brushing my teeth.
And clean! Whoo.
Oh, we better hurry.
Don't want to lose our front-row seats for Gerald's parrot seminar.
[giggles.]
I'm all for over-preparedness, but why did we have to camp out for seats when no one else is here? This is my spot, squeakers! Uh, you're acting funny.
Hmm, sweaty palms, increased heart rate, severe googly eyes My diagnosis, you're having a wacky attack.
It's like a panic attack, but wackier.
-That, or you have a cru -It's that! Definitely that! -[Gerald.]
Testing.
-[feedback whines.]
Whoo, Gerald.
Testing.
[rolling tongue.]
Red vegan leather, yellow vegan leather, red vegan leather -What? Just a fan of vegan leather.
-Good morning.
And welcome to my GER-Squawk.
Today's subject, "Parrots.
" What? How did that get there? Squawk-ward! But I am available to perform at Bow Mitzvahs.
Noted.
Anyhoo.
Parrots.
What do we know about them? -They can fly! -They always poop on my head! They're a highly intelligent pantropical species with zygodactyl claws.
That's right, nothing.
Except that they live on the fringes of Harvey Street.
Mysterious, articulate, well-coiffed.
[whistle blows.]
Could he be any more sensitive? I mean, stop caring so much about other living things, or we'll have to call him, uh, Care-uld.
[chuckles.]
Zing, right? [parrot squawks.]
The parrots are outsiders, unable to enjoy our block's simple pleasures like upcycled tree-seed socks or BPA-free organic water gelato or reading my latest book of philosophical musings That's So Deep Volume Three.
[grunts.]
[birds chirping.]
I want to help us to get to know the parrots better and say mi flock-a es su flock-a.
So I'd like to announce the first Harvey Street Parrots Are People Too Parade! -I love a parade! -[gasps.]
I'll bring my head, in case they want to poop on it.
Finally, a showcase for my baton twirling.
Hip-hip-hooray.
Great idea, Gerald! Audrey and Dot and me love parrots.
[both.]
We do? Uh-huh.
We had no idea they were so, um, pleasure-less.
Those parrots can fly away from anything, except their own sadness.
Yeah, uh, that's why we want to give them one of those things they're missing out on, like [gasps.]
We're gonna teach the flock to read your book for the parade celebration! -[squeals.]
-[both.]
We are? Whoa.
That'd be so legit, it'd be legitimate.
Yeah, you are legit.
I mean, no parrot left behind! -Off we go! -Ooh! Whoo! -[groans.]
-Ooh, that was close.
Uh, real quick, is teaching parrots to read science-able? That's to beak determined.
[chuckles.]
But this is no time for humor.
We'll try, since Lotta clearly wants to impress Gerald.
I am not doing this to impress Gerald.
[chuckles.]
I'm doing it for the Ger-rots the Par-alds.
Whoa! You can see everything from up here! Look, there's Lucretia! [parrots squawking.]
-[splatter.]
-[gasps.]
My hair! Okay, flock, we're gonna teach you to read.
[parrots.]
"Okay, flock, we're gonna teach you to read.
" Good, good.
But you're just repeating what I say.
Reading is when you repeat what your eyes see.
[parrots.]
"We're gonna teach you to read.
" Good students get stickers.
Oh, yeah, that's the stuff.
Cup-cake.
[all.]
Cupcake.
Ooh, so close.
Cup-cake.
-Cup-cake.
-[all.]
Cupcake.
Good! -Cupcake! -Cupcake.
Moving on to the advanced level.
This is Gerald's book.
[giggles.]
Cupcake.
[parrots.]
That's So Deep Volume Three.
Good, good.
"If a ukulele player plays a ukulele but no one is there to hear it, does the ukulele player's playing make a ukulele sound?" [gasps.]
He asks the questions we're all thinking.
Now you try.
[all.]
If a ukulele "A sweater without a vintage design is like a bird without its wings.
" [cheering.]
We did it! Just in time for the parade.
And I didn't fall asleep during Gerald's boring book once! Okay, I did fall asleep once.
But not twice.
Okay, I did fall asleep twice but not more than seven times! "Dear Diary, it's me, Lotta.
" Oh, are you in Gerald's book? -That is deep.
-"Dear Diary" -That's not Gerald's book.
-"I, Lotta have a crush on Gerald!" My diary! Give it back! Hush! Quiet! Shh! Zip it! -"Crush on Gerald.
" -"Crush on Gerald.
" I guess there's no denying it.
I, Lotta, have a crush [Audrey.]
On Gerald.
We know.
It's coolsky.
No, it's not coolsky! You don't know what it's like to be the only kid on the block with a crush.
Aw, just 'cause I've never had a crush and Dot's never had a crush no one we know's ever had a crush Not helping.
Point is, it's only embarrassing if you let it be.
Besides, I bet the pare-pares will forget all about it and no one else will ever know.
"I, Lotta, have a crush on Gerald.
I, Lotta, have a crush on Gerald.
" Or the opposite of what I said will happen.
"I, Lotta, have a crush on Gerald.
" Lotta has a crush on me? That's so embarrassing.
[gasps.]
You are hereby sentenced to a lifetime of being laughed at, so says, I, Fantasy Gerald.
[evil laughter.]
-[laughter.]
- [gasping.]
[Gerald laughing.]
[Tiny.]
That's Old Lady Lotta.
She once had a crush, remember? Not legit, says, I, Old Fantasy Gerald.
[sighs.]
On the upside, Gerald aged well.
But we have to stop those parrots! [parrots.]
"I, Lotta, have a crush on Gerald.
" "I, Lotta, have a crush on Gerald.
" -"I, Lotta, have a crush on Gerald.
" -Higher! "Have a crush on Gerald" "Have a crush on Gerald.
" [grunting.]
"Crush on Gerald.
" [squawks.]
Don't even think about it.
[marching band music playing.]
[Lotta.]
The parade's about to start! -My life is over! -"My life is over!" "Over!" "My life is over!" Hey, at least they're not saying "Lotta has a crush on Gerald.
" "Lotta has a crush on Gerald.
" You got to stop talking.
No, talk more.
We've got to get them to say other stuff, like fake secrets things so crazy that they could never be real.
That way no one will think your secret is true.
Ooh, sneaky.
Hey, flappers! Who wants to earn more stickers? [parrots squawking.]
-Have you heard that Lucretia -[Audrey.]
Secretly uses waffles [Lotta.]
To, uh, play tennis.
-[Dot.]
And Tiny secretly has purple -[Lotta.]
Eyebrows! -[Dot.]
Andand Audrey uses confetti -[Audrey.]
To shower! And I heard that Dot once had a picnic with an angry monkey.
I'm so jelly.
-And I heard that Gerald eats -Banana pickle tacos Dipped in ketchup! For breakfast! "Gerald eats banana pickle tacos dipped in ketchup for breakfast!" -"Lucretia uses waffles to play tennis!" -"Audrey showers in confetti!" [Lotta.]
It worked! Now no one will know about my secret crush on Gerald! Unless they heard me just yell that.
[sighs.]
[parrots.]
"Lucretia uses waffles to play tennis!" That's ridiculous.
Everyone knows you play tennis with pancakes.
"Tiny has purple eyebrows!" And I don't have purple eyebrowsyet.
Yep, total nonsense, so let's just forget everything they say, âcause obviously none of it is true.
Gerald, are you okay? [Lotta.]
Your cheeks are all red.
Now your nose is and your ears.
Uh, well, some of what the parrots said is true.
[dramatic music.]
I do eat banana pickle tacos dipped in ketchup for breakfast.
I can't help it.
I love gross food combos.
I thought you guys were legit.
We had hashtag-squawk-goals.
Whoa.
What were the chances that one of our ridicu-crazy secrets would actually be true? [sighs.]
I crushed my crush.
At least your secret's still safe.
[Dot.]
And that's what you wanted, right? Gerald, wait! Please don't be upset.
Liking gross food combos isn't that bad.
Look, mayo, applesauce, some hair [gagging.]
See? Tastes pretty goo[gags.]
Thanks, but I need to be in my safe space right now.
You don't know what it's like to have an embarrassing secret.
[retches.]
What are you doing here? Come to watch the freak show? No.
I want to tell you, you're not the only one with an embarrassing secret.
Dear Diary Oh, sorry, habit.
Dear Harvey Street I have a crush on Gerald.
[winces.]
Crushes are normal.
Like the one you all have on me.
I once got an A on a science test.
Just a plain A, no plus! Yeah, and sometimes I say, "Whoever smelt it dealt it," even when I dealt it! [sighs.]
Felt good to let that out.
[farts.]
And to let that out, too.
I wear shorts as pants! I like to clean my ears and then sniff the wax! I guess all of us have secrets that we think are embarrassing, but once you say them out loud, they're not that bad.
[parrot.]
Now, that's deep.
[all squawk.]
So, parade back on? No.
Because I'm renaming it the Parrots-Are-People-Too-Slash- Embarrassing-Secrets-Are-Okay! Slash-Banana-Pickle-Tacos- Aren't-That-Gross Parade! [whistle blows.]
I get sweaty palms sometimes.
[chuckles.]
Want to know a secret? So do I.
[parrots.]
Aw! [Lotta giggling.]
[upbeat music.]
[all.]
I have the best idea for what to do today! I'm certain we're all going to say the same thing, so Finally attempting the 14-hand hair braid.
Oh, sounds fun is what you'll say when you hear my even better idea! Is your idea behind that tire? My idea is that tire! [laughs.]
We can race on it, race in it, race against it Guys, let's get serious.
We should teach my pet bunnies how to conga! Da, da, da, da, da-da Da-da, da, da, da, da-da Ooh! Hmm.
Three great options.
So let's settle this with a Harvey Girls vote.
On three, make the letter of the person whose idea you want.
One, two, three.
Oh, I guess it's a tie.
[groans.]
Why is picking fun never fun? It's the exception that proves the fun.
Hey! Get back here, Joseph Gordon-Carrot! [all panting.]
-Oh! -I'll save you! And I get to jump into a junk heap.
Win-win! Are you okay? I'm covered in stinky mystery goo, and I think I swallowed a clock.
[alarm bell ringing.]
So I'm better than okay! [laughs.]
Like, check this out! Ooh, that is some primo junk! -What do you think it is? -It's clearly a message from outer space! It says "Made in Taiwan.
" Right.
Taiwan the space planet.
The only way to figure out what it is really is to take it apart.
Don't! This is an ancient artifact! It's probably from the American Revolution.
[Bobby.]
It's a VHS tape.
It stands for Very Historic Stuff tape.
Right.
So you mean this isn't an alien baby space pod? I'm afraid not.
It's an old-timey movie cartridge.
I love old-timey movies! The special effects were all so primitive back in the '90s.
It's settled.
Let's go watch it! But first, one more junk dive.
[grunts.]
Ooh-hoo! Fresh-ish candy.
[upbeat music.]
-[sniffs.]
-[slurping.]
Amateurs.
Welcome to Harvey Girls Cinema.
Our feature presentation is an extremely old movie none of us have even heard of.
So it's a guaranteed fun fest.
And now, enjoy Striking Danger Two: Danger Strike! Oh, uh, one second, trying to find the touchscreen.
Maybe it's voice activated? Open.
Please? I got this.
You probably have to enter its secret code.
How about just ram it in? Ram! Ram! Ram! Of course! The big one eats the little one! [exciting music.]
Well, well, well.
If it isn't Blaze Trickle.
It's over, Vlad.
Drop the jewels or I'll drop them for you.
[laughs.]
Who's the sidekick? I'll show you a side-kick! Ah! My sightball! [winces.]
-[gasps.]
-[gasps.]
[gasps.]
Okay, they're gonna getRun! [all cheering.]
We have an expression back in Mother Russia.
Adiós.
Kate, if we don't make it Don't talk like that.
You're Blaze Trickle! Ah, Blaze Trickles are a dime a dozen.
But there's something I want you to know [videotape squealing.]
No! [wailing and screaming.]
Narrative closure! I need narrative closure! No! You can fix it, right? Then you can fix me.
Live! Don't you give up on me! -[gasps.]
-Ah! He's gone.
Time of death twelve-oh-oh.
He lived a long good life and gave people the joy of most of a movie.
[sobbing.]
It should have been me! But what did Blaze want Kate to know? Yeah! And does Vlad's eye heal? Mm [wailing.]
This is terrible.
I know.
We'll never know how the movie ended.
But what if we could? Of course! We can look up the plot synopsis online.
What? No! I have a realistic solution.
We make up our own ending.
That's brilliant! We can make sure it ends exactly how we want it to.
Just do it quick.
I'm so worried about Blaze and Kate! They're hanging! Off a cliff! I can't take this much stress in my life.
Come on, Lotta.
[playing "Taps".]
Let's give her a minute.
Okay, we got almost everything, but where's the jetpack? Jetpack? There's no jetpack in this movie.
Right, because they're saving it for the big finish.
It's called showmanship.
Also gonna need ten more of those.
That would ruin everything the movie's been building to, which is clearly that Blaze reveals [scoffs.]
No.
I don't want to spoil it for you guys in case you didn't figure it out.
Um, bigger picture how do the puppies come into play? [both.]
Puppies? They were in that one shot in the background.
They're basically the whole reason the movie was made.
Okay, we clearly all have different ideas about how the movie ends.
Yes.
Except mine's obviously the most logical conclusion and therefore the only way to go.
Why don't we compromise? We'll film each of ours and let the audience decide which ending's the best? You know I can't say no to the democratic method.
Okay, but I'm telling you right now, people always vote for this.
I really gotta start conserving those.
[chorus.]
Hey! Ladies, gentlemen, wildlife, The Bow We Harvey Girls present you three possible endings.
You tell us which one is the best.
It'll be mine.
But listen, there's something I want you to know.
I'm not really Blaze Trickle.
I'm Kate! Then who am I? You're Blaze! [laughs evilly.]
[European accent.]
I don't care who you are because I am [American voice.]
The President of the United States! And I say you're both pardoned.
[patriotic music playing.]
All right, all right.
Now on to the main attraction.
Ha ha! My attraction.
But listen, there's something I want you to know.
I can fly! Blaze Trickle, explosions, boom! Bang! Explosions and stuff! Blaze Trickle, this is an ending! Vote for my ending! Ending! Bang, bang! Boom! [coughing.]
Um, am I supposed to keep hanging here? 'Cause I'mI'm up for it.
And cut! [laughs.]
Nailed it in one take.
Okay.
Warning before you watch mine there will be feels.
So I brought tissues.
But listen, there's something I want you to know my puppy loves your puppy.
[gasps.]
My puppy loves your puppy! Then we have a wedding to plan.
[deep voice.]
I now pronounce you puppy and puppy.
You may now nuzzle the puppy, puppy.
So what do you think? No.
Are Kate and the puppies safe? Who can fly? Nobody should fly, or everybody should fly.
Soso we're just dropping the whole eye plot? And we're okay with this? You didn't like any of our endings at all? You know who was fantastic? [The Bow.]
Billy.
Such range.
What? But mine was clearly the perfect denouement! I blew stuff up! Puppies! Parts of each were okay, but they still left us wanting more, because right now I feel like poor Blaze and Kate are still hanging on that cliff! -We still need narrative closure! -[all wailing.]
Yes! Or more hair to pull out! The critics are so rough.
I don't think our endings were so bad.
Yours had elaborate twists.
Yours had action.
And mine had dog romance.
[all.]
But none of them had all three.
Okay, guys, we worked together to come up with the perfect ending.
We'll perform it for you now.
[dramatic music.]
But listen, there's something I want you to know.
Shh.
I already know.
I'm the real Blaze! And I'm the clone Blaze in case you ever Blaze out.
And you both work for me, the president of puppy romance.
Let's get out of here.
If anyone has any reason why these puppies should not be joined in puppyhood, speak now or forever hold your fleas.
[chuckles.]
Well, Real Blaze, we done Blazed it Blazing right.
Couldn't have put it better myself, Not-Blaze Blaze.
-Oh, yeah! -Yeah! [cheering.]
[Tiny.]
This is satisfying on every level! Uh, sweet narrative closure.
This makes zero sense.
I approve.
As Blaze Trickle says to Kate "Looks like we strike danger even better together.
" -We sure do -[Dot and Lotta and gasps.]
[chuckles.]
Yeah, that's gonna keep happening for a while.
That's it? That's how it ends? What about poor Vlad's eye? Typical Harveywood, forgetting the eye-afflicted community! [somber music.]
The saying goes an eye for an eye But when you're pink Your eye gets the stink And it makes you wanna cry I'm Pinkeye, Pinkeye Yes, that's me, that's I I'm Pinkeye, Pinkeye And I've got ocular pus Oozing down my sides Oozing down my sides Ah, yeah, come on Ah, yeah, go Hey, let's go, turn it up Hey, go, yeah! Come on! Ah, shh! Cha, yeah, let's go! Aha Come on! Yeah! Hey!
One, two, three, go! Whoa-oh, oh, oh - That's my drummer - This is my beat Whoa-oh, oh, oh We're Harvey Kids Gonna run this street! Run, run, run this street It's Saturday o'clock Come on, get on your feet The world's our dance floor Our moves are sweet We're Harvey Kids Gonna run, run, run this street Wow! [upbeat music.]
[chorus.]
Hey! Dear Diary, it's me, Lotta.
Well, I can't stop thinking about my big secret crush on Gerald.
It's so embarrassing.
No one has crushes! I can't even tell -What ya doing, L-slice? -Uh, brushing my teeth.
And clean! Whoo.
Oh, we better hurry.
Don't want to lose our front-row seats for Gerald's parrot seminar.
[giggles.]
I'm all for over-preparedness, but why did we have to camp out for seats when no one else is here? This is my spot, squeakers! Uh, you're acting funny.
Hmm, sweaty palms, increased heart rate, severe googly eyes My diagnosis, you're having a wacky attack.
It's like a panic attack, but wackier.
-That, or you have a cru -It's that! Definitely that! -[Gerald.]
Testing.
-[feedback whines.]
Whoo, Gerald.
Testing.
[rolling tongue.]
Red vegan leather, yellow vegan leather, red vegan leather -What? Just a fan of vegan leather.
-Good morning.
And welcome to my GER-Squawk.
Today's subject, "Parrots.
" What? How did that get there? Squawk-ward! But I am available to perform at Bow Mitzvahs.
Noted.
Anyhoo.
Parrots.
What do we know about them? -They can fly! -They always poop on my head! They're a highly intelligent pantropical species with zygodactyl claws.
That's right, nothing.
Except that they live on the fringes of Harvey Street.
Mysterious, articulate, well-coiffed.
[whistle blows.]
Could he be any more sensitive? I mean, stop caring so much about other living things, or we'll have to call him, uh, Care-uld.
[chuckles.]
Zing, right? [parrot squawks.]
The parrots are outsiders, unable to enjoy our block's simple pleasures like upcycled tree-seed socks or BPA-free organic water gelato or reading my latest book of philosophical musings That's So Deep Volume Three.
[grunts.]
[birds chirping.]
I want to help us to get to know the parrots better and say mi flock-a es su flock-a.
So I'd like to announce the first Harvey Street Parrots Are People Too Parade! -I love a parade! -[gasps.]
I'll bring my head, in case they want to poop on it.
Finally, a showcase for my baton twirling.
Hip-hip-hooray.
Great idea, Gerald! Audrey and Dot and me love parrots.
[both.]
We do? Uh-huh.
We had no idea they were so, um, pleasure-less.
Those parrots can fly away from anything, except their own sadness.
Yeah, uh, that's why we want to give them one of those things they're missing out on, like [gasps.]
We're gonna teach the flock to read your book for the parade celebration! -[squeals.]
-[both.]
We are? Whoa.
That'd be so legit, it'd be legitimate.
Yeah, you are legit.
I mean, no parrot left behind! -Off we go! -Ooh! Whoo! -[groans.]
-Ooh, that was close.
Uh, real quick, is teaching parrots to read science-able? That's to beak determined.
[chuckles.]
But this is no time for humor.
We'll try, since Lotta clearly wants to impress Gerald.
I am not doing this to impress Gerald.
[chuckles.]
I'm doing it for the Ger-rots the Par-alds.
Whoa! You can see everything from up here! Look, there's Lucretia! [parrots squawking.]
-[splatter.]
-[gasps.]
My hair! Okay, flock, we're gonna teach you to read.
[parrots.]
"Okay, flock, we're gonna teach you to read.
" Good, good.
But you're just repeating what I say.
Reading is when you repeat what your eyes see.
[parrots.]
"We're gonna teach you to read.
" Good students get stickers.
Oh, yeah, that's the stuff.
Cup-cake.
[all.]
Cupcake.
Ooh, so close.
Cup-cake.
-Cup-cake.
-[all.]
Cupcake.
Good! -Cupcake! -Cupcake.
Moving on to the advanced level.
This is Gerald's book.
[giggles.]
Cupcake.
[parrots.]
That's So Deep Volume Three.
Good, good.
"If a ukulele player plays a ukulele but no one is there to hear it, does the ukulele player's playing make a ukulele sound?" [gasps.]
He asks the questions we're all thinking.
Now you try.
[all.]
If a ukulele "A sweater without a vintage design is like a bird without its wings.
" [cheering.]
We did it! Just in time for the parade.
And I didn't fall asleep during Gerald's boring book once! Okay, I did fall asleep once.
But not twice.
Okay, I did fall asleep twice but not more than seven times! "Dear Diary, it's me, Lotta.
" Oh, are you in Gerald's book? -That is deep.
-"Dear Diary" -That's not Gerald's book.
-"I, Lotta have a crush on Gerald!" My diary! Give it back! Hush! Quiet! Shh! Zip it! -"Crush on Gerald.
" -"Crush on Gerald.
" I guess there's no denying it.
I, Lotta, have a crush [Audrey.]
On Gerald.
We know.
It's coolsky.
No, it's not coolsky! You don't know what it's like to be the only kid on the block with a crush.
Aw, just 'cause I've never had a crush and Dot's never had a crush no one we know's ever had a crush Not helping.
Point is, it's only embarrassing if you let it be.
Besides, I bet the pare-pares will forget all about it and no one else will ever know.
"I, Lotta, have a crush on Gerald.
I, Lotta, have a crush on Gerald.
" Or the opposite of what I said will happen.
"I, Lotta, have a crush on Gerald.
" Lotta has a crush on me? That's so embarrassing.
[gasps.]
You are hereby sentenced to a lifetime of being laughed at, so says, I, Fantasy Gerald.
[evil laughter.]
-[laughter.]
- [gasping.]
[Gerald laughing.]
[Tiny.]
That's Old Lady Lotta.
She once had a crush, remember? Not legit, says, I, Old Fantasy Gerald.
[sighs.]
On the upside, Gerald aged well.
But we have to stop those parrots! [parrots.]
"I, Lotta, have a crush on Gerald.
" "I, Lotta, have a crush on Gerald.
" -"I, Lotta, have a crush on Gerald.
" -Higher! "Have a crush on Gerald" "Have a crush on Gerald.
" [grunting.]
"Crush on Gerald.
" [squawks.]
Don't even think about it.
[marching band music playing.]
[Lotta.]
The parade's about to start! -My life is over! -"My life is over!" "Over!" "My life is over!" Hey, at least they're not saying "Lotta has a crush on Gerald.
" "Lotta has a crush on Gerald.
" You got to stop talking.
No, talk more.
We've got to get them to say other stuff, like fake secrets things so crazy that they could never be real.
That way no one will think your secret is true.
Ooh, sneaky.
Hey, flappers! Who wants to earn more stickers? [parrots squawking.]
-Have you heard that Lucretia -[Audrey.]
Secretly uses waffles [Lotta.]
To, uh, play tennis.
-[Dot.]
And Tiny secretly has purple -[Lotta.]
Eyebrows! -[Dot.]
Andand Audrey uses confetti -[Audrey.]
To shower! And I heard that Dot once had a picnic with an angry monkey.
I'm so jelly.
-And I heard that Gerald eats -Banana pickle tacos Dipped in ketchup! For breakfast! "Gerald eats banana pickle tacos dipped in ketchup for breakfast!" -"Lucretia uses waffles to play tennis!" -"Audrey showers in confetti!" [Lotta.]
It worked! Now no one will know about my secret crush on Gerald! Unless they heard me just yell that.
[sighs.]
[parrots.]
"Lucretia uses waffles to play tennis!" That's ridiculous.
Everyone knows you play tennis with pancakes.
"Tiny has purple eyebrows!" And I don't have purple eyebrowsyet.
Yep, total nonsense, so let's just forget everything they say, âcause obviously none of it is true.
Gerald, are you okay? [Lotta.]
Your cheeks are all red.
Now your nose is and your ears.
Uh, well, some of what the parrots said is true.
[dramatic music.]
I do eat banana pickle tacos dipped in ketchup for breakfast.
I can't help it.
I love gross food combos.
I thought you guys were legit.
We had hashtag-squawk-goals.
Whoa.
What were the chances that one of our ridicu-crazy secrets would actually be true? [sighs.]
I crushed my crush.
At least your secret's still safe.
[Dot.]
And that's what you wanted, right? Gerald, wait! Please don't be upset.
Liking gross food combos isn't that bad.
Look, mayo, applesauce, some hair [gagging.]
See? Tastes pretty goo[gags.]
Thanks, but I need to be in my safe space right now.
You don't know what it's like to have an embarrassing secret.
[retches.]
What are you doing here? Come to watch the freak show? No.
I want to tell you, you're not the only one with an embarrassing secret.
Dear Diary Oh, sorry, habit.
Dear Harvey Street I have a crush on Gerald.
[winces.]
Crushes are normal.
Like the one you all have on me.
I once got an A on a science test.
Just a plain A, no plus! Yeah, and sometimes I say, "Whoever smelt it dealt it," even when I dealt it! [sighs.]
Felt good to let that out.
[farts.]
And to let that out, too.
I wear shorts as pants! I like to clean my ears and then sniff the wax! I guess all of us have secrets that we think are embarrassing, but once you say them out loud, they're not that bad.
[parrot.]
Now, that's deep.
[all squawk.]
So, parade back on? No.
Because I'm renaming it the Parrots-Are-People-Too-Slash- Embarrassing-Secrets-Are-Okay! Slash-Banana-Pickle-Tacos- Aren't-That-Gross Parade! [whistle blows.]
I get sweaty palms sometimes.
[chuckles.]
Want to know a secret? So do I.
[parrots.]
Aw! [Lotta giggling.]
[upbeat music.]
[all.]
I have the best idea for what to do today! I'm certain we're all going to say the same thing, so Finally attempting the 14-hand hair braid.
Oh, sounds fun is what you'll say when you hear my even better idea! Is your idea behind that tire? My idea is that tire! [laughs.]
We can race on it, race in it, race against it Guys, let's get serious.
We should teach my pet bunnies how to conga! Da, da, da, da, da-da Da-da, da, da, da, da-da Ooh! Hmm.
Three great options.
So let's settle this with a Harvey Girls vote.
On three, make the letter of the person whose idea you want.
One, two, three.
Oh, I guess it's a tie.
[groans.]
Why is picking fun never fun? It's the exception that proves the fun.
Hey! Get back here, Joseph Gordon-Carrot! [all panting.]
-Oh! -I'll save you! And I get to jump into a junk heap.
Win-win! Are you okay? I'm covered in stinky mystery goo, and I think I swallowed a clock.
[alarm bell ringing.]
So I'm better than okay! [laughs.]
Like, check this out! Ooh, that is some primo junk! -What do you think it is? -It's clearly a message from outer space! It says "Made in Taiwan.
" Right.
Taiwan the space planet.
The only way to figure out what it is really is to take it apart.
Don't! This is an ancient artifact! It's probably from the American Revolution.
[Bobby.]
It's a VHS tape.
It stands for Very Historic Stuff tape.
Right.
So you mean this isn't an alien baby space pod? I'm afraid not.
It's an old-timey movie cartridge.
I love old-timey movies! The special effects were all so primitive back in the '90s.
It's settled.
Let's go watch it! But first, one more junk dive.
[grunts.]
Ooh-hoo! Fresh-ish candy.
[upbeat music.]
-[sniffs.]
-[slurping.]
Amateurs.
Welcome to Harvey Girls Cinema.
Our feature presentation is an extremely old movie none of us have even heard of.
So it's a guaranteed fun fest.
And now, enjoy Striking Danger Two: Danger Strike! Oh, uh, one second, trying to find the touchscreen.
Maybe it's voice activated? Open.
Please? I got this.
You probably have to enter its secret code.
How about just ram it in? Ram! Ram! Ram! Of course! The big one eats the little one! [exciting music.]
Well, well, well.
If it isn't Blaze Trickle.
It's over, Vlad.
Drop the jewels or I'll drop them for you.
[laughs.]
Who's the sidekick? I'll show you a side-kick! Ah! My sightball! [winces.]
-[gasps.]
-[gasps.]
[gasps.]
Okay, they're gonna getRun! [all cheering.]
We have an expression back in Mother Russia.
Adiós.
Kate, if we don't make it Don't talk like that.
You're Blaze Trickle! Ah, Blaze Trickles are a dime a dozen.
But there's something I want you to know [videotape squealing.]
No! [wailing and screaming.]
Narrative closure! I need narrative closure! No! You can fix it, right? Then you can fix me.
Live! Don't you give up on me! -[gasps.]
-Ah! He's gone.
Time of death twelve-oh-oh.
He lived a long good life and gave people the joy of most of a movie.
[sobbing.]
It should have been me! But what did Blaze want Kate to know? Yeah! And does Vlad's eye heal? Mm [wailing.]
This is terrible.
I know.
We'll never know how the movie ended.
But what if we could? Of course! We can look up the plot synopsis online.
What? No! I have a realistic solution.
We make up our own ending.
That's brilliant! We can make sure it ends exactly how we want it to.
Just do it quick.
I'm so worried about Blaze and Kate! They're hanging! Off a cliff! I can't take this much stress in my life.
Come on, Lotta.
[playing "Taps".]
Let's give her a minute.
Okay, we got almost everything, but where's the jetpack? Jetpack? There's no jetpack in this movie.
Right, because they're saving it for the big finish.
It's called showmanship.
Also gonna need ten more of those.
That would ruin everything the movie's been building to, which is clearly that Blaze reveals [scoffs.]
No.
I don't want to spoil it for you guys in case you didn't figure it out.
Um, bigger picture how do the puppies come into play? [both.]
Puppies? They were in that one shot in the background.
They're basically the whole reason the movie was made.
Okay, we clearly all have different ideas about how the movie ends.
Yes.
Except mine's obviously the most logical conclusion and therefore the only way to go.
Why don't we compromise? We'll film each of ours and let the audience decide which ending's the best? You know I can't say no to the democratic method.
Okay, but I'm telling you right now, people always vote for this.
I really gotta start conserving those.
[chorus.]
Hey! Ladies, gentlemen, wildlife, The Bow We Harvey Girls present you three possible endings.
You tell us which one is the best.
It'll be mine.
But listen, there's something I want you to know.
I'm not really Blaze Trickle.
I'm Kate! Then who am I? You're Blaze! [laughs evilly.]
[European accent.]
I don't care who you are because I am [American voice.]
The President of the United States! And I say you're both pardoned.
[patriotic music playing.]
All right, all right.
Now on to the main attraction.
Ha ha! My attraction.
But listen, there's something I want you to know.
I can fly! Blaze Trickle, explosions, boom! Bang! Explosions and stuff! Blaze Trickle, this is an ending! Vote for my ending! Ending! Bang, bang! Boom! [coughing.]
Um, am I supposed to keep hanging here? 'Cause I'mI'm up for it.
And cut! [laughs.]
Nailed it in one take.
Okay.
Warning before you watch mine there will be feels.
So I brought tissues.
But listen, there's something I want you to know my puppy loves your puppy.
[gasps.]
My puppy loves your puppy! Then we have a wedding to plan.
[deep voice.]
I now pronounce you puppy and puppy.
You may now nuzzle the puppy, puppy.
So what do you think? No.
Are Kate and the puppies safe? Who can fly? Nobody should fly, or everybody should fly.
Soso we're just dropping the whole eye plot? And we're okay with this? You didn't like any of our endings at all? You know who was fantastic? [The Bow.]
Billy.
Such range.
What? But mine was clearly the perfect denouement! I blew stuff up! Puppies! Parts of each were okay, but they still left us wanting more, because right now I feel like poor Blaze and Kate are still hanging on that cliff! -We still need narrative closure! -[all wailing.]
Yes! Or more hair to pull out! The critics are so rough.
I don't think our endings were so bad.
Yours had elaborate twists.
Yours had action.
And mine had dog romance.
[all.]
But none of them had all three.
Okay, guys, we worked together to come up with the perfect ending.
We'll perform it for you now.
[dramatic music.]
But listen, there's something I want you to know.
Shh.
I already know.
I'm the real Blaze! And I'm the clone Blaze in case you ever Blaze out.
And you both work for me, the president of puppy romance.
Let's get out of here.
If anyone has any reason why these puppies should not be joined in puppyhood, speak now or forever hold your fleas.
[chuckles.]
Well, Real Blaze, we done Blazed it Blazing right.
Couldn't have put it better myself, Not-Blaze Blaze.
-Oh, yeah! -Yeah! [cheering.]
[Tiny.]
This is satisfying on every level! Uh, sweet narrative closure.
This makes zero sense.
I approve.
As Blaze Trickle says to Kate "Looks like we strike danger even better together.
" -We sure do -[Dot and Lotta and gasps.]
[chuckles.]
Yeah, that's gonna keep happening for a while.
That's it? That's how it ends? What about poor Vlad's eye? Typical Harveywood, forgetting the eye-afflicted community! [somber music.]
The saying goes an eye for an eye But when you're pink Your eye gets the stink And it makes you wanna cry I'm Pinkeye, Pinkeye Yes, that's me, that's I I'm Pinkeye, Pinkeye And I've got ocular pus Oozing down my sides Oozing down my sides Ah, yeah, come on Ah, yeah, go Hey, let's go, turn it up Hey, go, yeah! Come on! Ah, shh! Cha, yeah, let's go! Aha Come on! Yeah! Hey!