Heathcliff & the Catillac Cats (1984) s01e09 Episode Script

- HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS ON EVERYONE
THERE'S A RACE TO BE ON TOP
THE COMPETITION
DOESN'T STOP ♪
MIXING WITH THE LADIES FAIR
BEING CHARMING, DEBONAIR
THE GANG WILL REIGN SUPREME
AND NO ONE CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y
THEY'LL MAKE SOME HISTORY
AND ALWAYS HAVE AN ALIBI
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREAT,
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
FIND IN EACH CALAMITY
THE CATS' SUPERIORITY
OH OH OH
OH OH OH OH OH ♪
OH OH OH OH OH OH OH
HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU
- ALL RIGHT! 9!
HEH HEH. NOW I'VE GO
2 OF YOUR FORTS.
READY TO GIVE UP YET?
- WHY SHOULD I?
I'M STILL AHEAD
BY 30,000 POINTS.
- YOU KNOW, NUTMEG, SOMETIMES
YOU'RE A REAL BUMMER.
- AW, I'M JUST WORRIED
ABOUT HEATHCLIFF AND SPIKE.
- YEAH, IT IS AWFULLY
QUIET BACK THERE.
DON'T WORRY, NUTMEG.
IF HEATHCLIFF GETS OUTTA LINE,
SPIKE CAN HANDLE IT.
[BUZZING]
- WILL YOU GET OVER HERE?!
- [PANTING] I'LL GET HIM!
I'LL GET HIM!
- IT'S THE SECOND FLY YOU'VE
LET GET NEAR ME TODAY.
- I'M SORRY!
I'M REALLY SORRY!
PLEASE FORGIVE ME!
- OH, ALL RIGHT, BUT DON'
LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN.
- THANK YOU!
THANK YOU SO MUCH!
- HEE HEE HEE.
HE APOLOGIZES SO WELL.
- [SNARLING]
- IT'S GONNA BE GREAT SEEIN'
COUSIN SPIKE AGAIN.
THAT LOUDMOUTH MUT
IS GIVIN' ME A HEADACHE.
- [WHIMPERING]
[SNARLING]
- [YAWNS]
I THINK THE PUPPY NEEDS A BATH.
- BBBBLLLL!
- I HOPE SOMEBODY AROUND HERE IS
TOUGHER THAN THAT MUTT.
I LIKE A LITTLE COMPETITION.
[CHUCKLING]
- HOW MANY TIMES
HAVE I TOLD YOU--HARDER?
I LIKE IT HARDER.
- RIGHT. RIGHT.
I FORGOT.
- AND HOW ABOUT THE SHOULDERS?
CAN'T YOU FEEL
ALL THE TENSION IN 'EM?
- HOW'S THAT?
- BETTER, BU
WORK ON IT AT HOME.
- I THOUGHT I HEARD
COUSIN SPIKE'S VOICE.
- A LITTLE TO THE LEFT.
[SLAM]
- [LAUGHING NERVOUSLY]
- OH, CUT IT OUT, SPIKE.
NOBODY LIKES A CRYBABY.
- [SNARLING]
- I-I'M SEEIN' DOUBLE.
UH, I GUESS I MUSTA BEEN
IN THE SUN TOO LONG.
- [GROWLING]
- WH-WHAT'S HIS PROBLEM?
- I GUESS HE'S HUNGRY.
I BETTER FEED HIM.
- WHEW!
- OK. YOU GOTTA LEARN
TO DEFEND YOURSELF.
PUT UP YOUR PAWS
AND TRY TO HIT ME.
- HERE IT COMES.
GET READY.
I DON'T WANNA HURT YOU.
- OOH. SOME THINGS
I CAN'T STAND WATCHIN'.
HUH. I KNEW I SHOULDA BE
ON A FIRST-ROUND KNOCKOUT.
- ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
- FINE, FINE. BUT YOU
BETTER GET THE PHONE.
- AH, DON'T WORRY.
THE RINGING SHOULD STOP
IN A MONTH OR TWO.
- I'M TELLIN' YOU, THERE'S
NOTHIN' TO BE AFRAID OF.
WHEN HE COMES AROUND THE CORNER,
YOU GRAB HIM AND--POW!
- [YAWNS]
- OH, WELL. IT'S A QUIET DAY.
I MIGHT AS WELL PLAY ALONG.
[WHISTLING "CAMPTOWN RACES"]
- HERE HE COMES.
GET READY.
[RUNNING FOOTSTEPS]
NOOOOO!
- [SNARLING AND YOWLING]
- I THINK SPIKE
MIGHT WIN THIS ONE.
WONDER HOW LONG
IT'LL TAKE SPIKE TO FIND OU
HE'S FIGHTING BULL!
[BOIINNGG]
I GUESS THAT ANSWERS
MY QUESTION.
[CHUCKLING]
- I FEEL REALLY STUPID.
- DON'T WORRY.
THIS IDEA IS GUARANTEED TO WORK.
ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS LEAVE YOUR
TAIL STICKIN' OUTTA THE HOLE.
WHAT CAT CAN RESIS
A BIG, FAT MOUSE?
- CAN'T WE JUST FORGET IT?
- RRRRR!
- NEVER MIND.
- [CHUCKLING]
[CLEARING THROAT]
OH, MY GOSH.
A BIG, FAT MOUSE.
OH, BOY.
THIS IS MY LUCKY DAY.
- [WHISPERING]
I told ya this would work!
[CHUCKLING]
- UH-OH.
WHOA!
MAN! THAT'S ONE STRONG CAT.
AAAH!
- [SCREAMING]
- BOY! WAS THAT CLOSE.
[WOOD SPLINTERING]
GUARANTEED TO WORK, HUH?
- [CHUCKLING]
TIM-BER.
- CAMOUFLAGE.
IT WORKS EVERY TIME.
WHEN HE COMES BY,
WE PULL HIM IN,
THEN--POW--WE GOT HIM
RIGHT WHERE WE WANT HIM.
- HEY!
- DON'T YOU THINK THAT--
PEOPLE HAVE TO LEARN TO BE
NEATER WITH THEIR TRASH.
- CAMOUFLAGE--IT WORKS
EVERY TIME!
- IT PAYS TO LIVE A GOOD LIFE.
I'LL SEE YOU BOYS AT THE BOTTOM!
- [ARGUING]
- WE HAVE LIFTOFF!
- [SCREAMING]
[CRASHING THROUGH FLOORS]
[GROANING]
- YOU KNOW WHAT YOU GOTTA DO?
YOU GOTTA CHALLENGE
THAT CAT TO A FIGH
IN FRONT OF
THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD.
- FORGET IT!
- WHAT?!
- THAT'S IT!
I QUIT!
IF YOU WANT TO FIGHT HIM, FINE,
BUT COUNT ME OUT!
- FINE! THEN I'LL DEFEND
THE HONOR OF DOGS EVERYWHERE,
EVEN IF MY COUSIN
IS TOO CHICKEN!
I CHALLENGE HEATHCLIFF
TO A FIGH
IN THE VACANT LOT ON ELM STREET!
IF HE HAS ANY GUTS,
HE'LL BE THERE AT 4:00
THIS AFTERNOON!
- I'LL BE THERE.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO YELL.
[SPECTATORS CHEERING
AND BOOING]
[BOOING AND JEERING]
- ARE YOU READY?
- WHY, I'D LOVE TO.
- COME ON, FIGHT!
PUT ME DOWN!
- IF YOU INSIST.
- WHOA!
OOF!
HEY!
GET OFF OF ME!
- NO PROBLEM.
- WHOA!
WHA--WHA--WHA--WHA--WHA--
[BOING]
- BOO!
- YAY!
- RRRAHHR!
- [CHANTING]
HEATHCLIFF! HEATHCLIFF!
HEATHCLIFF!
- HEH HEH HEH.
I'D BETTER END THIS
BEFORE HE REALLY HURTS ME.
- WHOA, WAAH, WAAH, WAAH, WAAH!
- [BIRDS TWEETING]
- TAKE THAT!
- YEAH, HE IS DEFINITELY
SPIKE'S COUSIN.
HOO HA HA HA HOO HOO!
- [SOBBING]
- YAY!
- IS THERE ANYTHING
I CAN GET YOU?
- UH, YEAH.
WHERE'S THAT KID
WITH THE LEMONADE?
- I'M COMING, SIR!
NICE COLD LEMONADE!
WHOOPS!
- OHH
- IT'S SO HARD TO GE
GOOD HELP NOWADAYS.
HEE HEE HEE HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!
HEE HEE HO HO!
- [HUMMING "CAMPTOWN RACES"]
- NOT EVEN RIFF RAFF
CAN GET INTO THAT PLACE.
- YOU'RE RIGH
AS THE NIGHT, DUDE.
- I AGREEI THINK.
- GRRRR!
- OH. HI, RIFF RAFF.
- OH. FOR ME?
[SOUND OF JACKHAMMER]
- ONCE UPON A TIME,
THAT WAS MINE.
- NOW, BOYS, WHAT EXACTLY
DO YOU THINK I CAN'T DO?
- WELL, NOT EVEN YOU
CAN GET INTO THE BIRD SANCTUARY.
NO ONE'S THAT TOUGH.
- LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY.
I'LL GET INTO THAT BIRD PLACE,
AND YOU THREE WILL HELP ME.
GET IT?
- [GULP]
- [BIRD CAWING]
- HEY, RIFF RAFF,
I FEEL REALLY SILLY
DRESSED LIKE THIS.
- IT'S NOT HOW YOU FEEL,
IT'S HOW YOU LOOK
THAT'S IMPORTANT.
- WELL, UH, WELL, HOW DO I LOOK?
- REALLY SILLY.
HEH HEH HEH HEH.
- HERE'S THE BIRD SANCTUARY,
RIFF RAFF.
- GOOD. WHEEL ME IN.
- NO ONE WOULD EVER GUESS
WHAT THESE TWO ARE UP TO.
- THAT WAS THE UGLIEST GRANDMA
I'VE EVER SEEN.
AND THAT BABY--
EEWW!
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE!
- WHUH-OH! I THINK
HE'S SPOTTED US.
- GET A MOVE ON!
- COME BACK HERE!
- TURN LEFT.
TURN LEFT!
- UHH. THIS DRESS
IS SLOWING ME DOWN.
WHICH WAY IS LEFT?
HEY! WHAT HAPPENED?
WHERE IS EVERYBODY?
- WHEW!
- THAT CRUMMY BIRD.
WHY, I OUGHTA--
YIPE!
THAT WAY, MUNGO!
THAT WAY!
- UHWHICH WAY IS THAT WAY?
- CAW!
YOU LOOK PITIFUL.
[CRASH]
- OHH
UH-OH!
YAAH!
[CRASH]
- CATS AREN'T ALLOWED IN HERE.
DON'T COME BACK!
- OOH!
WHO TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS?
DID SOMEBODY GE
THE LICENSE NUMBER?
- AND HE HAS TO ASK?
CAW!
- HOLD STILL.
- HMM.
AHA!
- OHH!
OH! OH!
OOH! OOH!
- YOU LOOK LIKE SOMETHING
THE CAT BROUGHT HOME.
HEY. WHAT THE--
- I NEED ONE OF YOU GUYS
FOR A SPECIAL MISSION.
- SURE. NO PROBLEM.
WADSWORTH!
- WHOO, WHOO, WHOO!
[CLANG]
- SHH!
NOW GET STARTED.
- [GRUMBLING]
- DIG.
- [GRUMBLING]
- [HUMMING "CAMPTOWN RACES"]
- AH!
I GOT JUST THE THING
FOR THESE UNDERCOVER CUTIES.
THEY'RE CERTAINLY GONNA SEE
A LIGHT AT THE END
OF THIS TUNNEL.
- I MAY BE AMISS,
BUT DO YOU HEAR A HIT?
- IT'S NOTHIN'.
QUIT GOOFING OFF,
YOU RHYMING REJECT.
WE'RE PROBABLY
UNDER THE WALL NOW.
- OH, NO!
- IT'S A--
- HA HA HA HA.
IT'LL BE A COLD DAY IN JULY
BEFORE ANY CATS FOOLME.
- NO BIRDS ABOUT,
SO LET'S CLEAR OUT.
- GET OUTTA MY WAY.
- MEOW!
- NOW TO CHECK THIS PLACE--
OOF!
- WELL, WHAT HAVE WE HERE?
- CAW!
LOOKS LIKE A COUPLE OF
"MINER" BIRDS TO ME.
- RRRR
REOW!
- HEY. GET OFF OF ME.
OOF!
GRRR!
- MEOW.
- AWK!
NOW, THIS SHOULD BE FUN.
AND I'VE GO
A RINGSIDE SEAT.
ARR! ARR! ARR!
- HEY, WHAT'S--
- UHH!
- TIME FOR PLAN "C."
- CAW.
THIS USED TO BE
A QUIET NEIGHBORHOOD.
- ALL WE GOTTA DO
IS YANK THIS ROPE
AND WE BREEZE THROUGH
THE OPEN WINDOW.
5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
BLASTOFF!
HMM?
- AAH!
WAAH!
YAAH!
- I'M SUCH A NAUGHTY BIRD.
- TOO BAD.
JUST A LITTLE TO THE LEFT.
OOPS.
WHOA!
WHOA-OA-OA-OA!
- I BETTER HAVE MY EYES CHECKED.
I'VE SEEN A CATFISH BEFORE,
BUT NEVER A CATBIRD.
- ALL RIGHT! IT'S WORKING!
[HUMMING "CAMPTOWN RACES"]
SO LONG, FEATHERHEAD.
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
AAH
I MADE IT.
I'M SAFE.
- MIND RUNNING THA
BY ME AGAIN, BUB?
- CHIRP, CHIRP.
CHIRP, CHIRP.
CHIRP. CHIRP?
OH, NO!
OOH! OUCH! OH! OUCH!
OOH!
[THUD]
OHHOHH!
- [BIRDS TWEETING]
- HUH? WHO? WHAT? WHERE?
HEY!
DINNER.
HEH HEH HEH.
UH-OH.
HEH HEH HEH.
- [BLOWING RASPBERRY]
- UHH. HEH HEH HEH.
[GULP]
EEE-YAAH!
[CRASH]
- UH, GENERALLY
A BIRD IN THE HAND
IS WORTH 2 IN THE BUSH,
BUT IN YOUR CASE
I'D SAY YOU GOT OFF LUCKY.
HA HA HA! AWK!
- THAT BIRD'S
GETTIN' ON MY NERVES.
[SQUISHING]
AHA.
[PECKING]
OH! OOH! AY! EEE!
- YOU KNOW, "TOUCAN" DO I
BETTER THAN ONE.
HAR, HAR, HAR!
- [BLOWING]
- TOUCAN, I'LL GET YOU.
[SPLASH]
- THIS CAT HAS
A STILTED SENSE OF HUMOR.
AH HA HA!
- [QUACK QUACK QUACK]
- AHA.
HEH HEH HEH.
[LAUGHING]
[POP]
[AIR ESCAPING]
NOW, THAT'S A BIRD.
- WANT TO GO FOR A RIDE, HUH?
OK.
- OOH! AH! OUCH! EEE!
ENOUGH! STOP!
LET ME OFF!
OOH!
- DO YOU WANT OFF?
OK.
SO LONG, BUSTER.
- NOT AGAIN!
- YOU REALLY LIKE TO GE
INTO YOUR WORK, DON'T YOU?
IT'S A DIRTY BUSINESS.
- COME BACK HERE,
YOU BIGMOUTH FEATHER DUSTER!
OHH
EVERYTHING HURTS.
- NOW, WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG,
YOU OLD STICK-IN-THE-MUD?
- NOW YOU'VE HAD IT.
HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!
NOW YOU'RE ALL MINE.
- REALLY? I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU CARED.
[CRASHING, SCREAMING,
AND SHOUTING]
[CAWING AND SNARLING]
- BOY, I'LL BETCHA RIFF RAFF
REALLY CLOBBERED THAT BIRD.
- WHAT?!
- AFTER ALL THIS TIME,
WE FINALLY HAVE
SOMETHING IN COMMON.
- WE BOTH LIKE FISH.
- THAT LITTLE BOY
JUST GOT A PUPPY.
DON'T ASK ME WHY ANYONE
WOULD WANT A PUPPY,
BUT HE SHOULD'VE ASKED
HOW BIG IT WAS GONNA GET.
- WHOOOA!
- WHENEVER YOU GET A PET,
BESIDES ASKING
WHAT KIND OF SHOTS IT NEEDS,
YOU SHOULD ALWAYS ASK
HOW BIG IT'LL GET.
IF YOU MATCH THE PE
TO THE SPACE AVAILABLE FOR IT,
IT'LL MAKE THE PET HAPPIER
AND IT'LL MAKE YOU HAPPIER.
- HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS ON EVERYONE
THE GANG WILL REIGN SUPREME
AND NO CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y
THEY'LL MAKE SOME HISTORY
AND ALWAYS HAVE AN ALIBI
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREAT,
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU