Hit-Monkey (2021) s01e09 Episode Script
The End: Part One
[PAGES RIFFLING]
Dramatic theme playing ♪
♪
OZU: [ON LOUDSPEAKER]
Honor! Tradition! Values!
Don't forget to vote tomorrow,
my friends!
The future of Japan depends on it!
[MONKEY SHRIEKING]
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
Stop that monkey!
[PANTING]
[HOOTING, SCREECHING]
The monkey's headed
towards Yoyogi Park.
Send backup.
♪
BRYCE:
You're a Halloween costume now?
[OOKS]
Hey, no bullshit.
Old Bryce
would have been totally jealous
of this moment.
[GRUNTS]
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING]
Dramatic theme playing ♪
♪
[MONKEY WHIMPERS]
[WHISTLES]
Holy moley.
I don't mean to sound
like I'm bragging,
but, well, you know,
this isn't the first time
a woman's burned down my pad.
[OOKING]
Hey, look, if we're going to track
and kill Lady Bullseye,
we're going to need
our weapons, so let's get
Oh-whoa.
Okay, well,
this is not normal. Whoa!
Hey, look at this!
It's like some Back to the Future shit
What the hell was that?
[GRUNTING]
Uh, nothing.
Nothing. Sorry. No, I-I
You know, I thought I saw
a two-headed squirrel run by.
But it, uh, it was just a, uh,
a one-headed
Doesn't matter. Look, are you
gonna grab the guns or what?
Come on, let's go, man.
[GRUNTING]
What do you mean
there's no weapons?
They're gone?
[MONKEY GRUNTS]
Shit.
The police must have gone through
this place with a fine-toothed comb.
OFFICER:
Freeze!
- Oh, Jesus.
- [OOKS]
BRYCE: What is this,
another cop?
Scared the hell outta me.
[GROWLS]
OFFICER: Drop it!
AKIKO:
Relax.
She's on our side.
[GRUNTS]
BRYCE: Well, well, well.
The game is afoot, huh?
[CHUCKLES]
[OOKS]
I'm happy to see you too.
A lot's happened
since you've been gone.
So, to catch you up,
I've been going through
The Rooster's blackmail,
and I found
something interesting.
[GRUNTS]
Is is that blood?
[SHRIEKS]
Would you just die already!
[MONKEY SHRIEKS]
[SCREAMS]
Oh-ho, man.
Not so sure
about Encyclopedia Brown over here.
I mean, that box
is literally overflowing
with dirt on the most
powerful players in Japan,
and she's focused on the pen?
[GRUNTS]
This seemingly innocuous pen
- is actually a recording device.
- A recording device!
No, that makes more sense.
MAN:
If Ken Takahara wins this election,
his anti-corruption measures
will destroy your organization.
ROOSTER:
Hey, the Rooster's no fool.
I get what's in it for me,
but what about you?
Why are you and your associate
doing this?
MAN:
That is not your concern.
Just get rid of him.
Holy shit.
It's Bonsai Shoes!
The man you just heard order
the hit is named Ichiro Hazaki,
but he's better known
as "The Bonsai Master."
Eh, Master. Shoes.
Potato, tomato. Whatever.
[GRUNTING]
He's a big deal
in the political world
and by far the biggest donor
to Ozu's campaign.
He's the brains behind all this.
Haruka hasn't gone to the police
with this recording.
We're the only ones
who know the truth.
I brought it to you because
we both have friends to avenge.
And God knows
the police aren't going to help.
If we don't stop these guys,
my uncle will be
the next to die.
We need your help.
[GROWLS]
Does that mean he's in?
Oh. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah,
that's an "I'm in" growl for sure.
We're good.
BRYCE: Hey, psst.
Tell 'em I'm in, too.
♪
♪
Bonsai Master's compound is
in the foothills of Mount Takao.
It's heavily guarded.
Tonight he'll be there hosting
the official watch party
for Ozu's campaign.
It is a beautiful background
for a concession speech.
Too bad he's not going
to be around to make it.
[OOKS]
What? Too dark?
- Eh
- Not for me. I love it.
This chick is growing on me.
I, uh, found this beneath
what used to be my sofa.
[OOKS]
Figured you might need it.
[WHIMPERS]
HARUKA:
Don't worry about Akiko.
I'll be outside the Tower all night
keeping her and the Councilor safe.
You know, Monkey,
once this is all over,
my uncle is going to be
the new Prime Minister.
We'll be living
in the official residence,
and I'd like you
to live there, too.
Be part of the family.
My family.
Say yes.
Just nod your head.
Your smile is terrifying.
[OOKS]
HARUKA:
Okay,
this is as close as I'm gonna be able
to take you.
Be safe up there.
[OOKS]
[DOOR HANDLE CLICKING]
There's a button.
Yeah. To your left.
AKIKO: Yeah. It's the red one.
Just press it down, and the latch
should just come undone.
HARUKA: The red one.
[MONKEY GROWLS]
AKIKO: Yeah, no, you're on it. You're
no, you're touching it right now.
Push the button, man.
HARUKA:
Yeah, right there. No
- Use the
- [GRUNTING]
You're right there!
Red, down, out.
- Just push it.
- BRYCE: Oh boy.
- Push the button.
- You just push it
[OVERLAPPING CHATTER]
[MONKEY SHRIEKING]
HARUKA:
The red one.
BRYCE: A hundred of you jerks
could write Hamlet?
- AKIKO: You're right there
- BRYCE: Bullshit.
[MONKEY SHRIEKING]
♪
TAILOR:
It's a big night.
Will you be attending
any of the election celebrations?
I'll be attending
the only one that matters.
Mm. Mm. Mm.
Oh, look at that!
A literal monkey suit.
TAILOR: Ah, yes.
The monkey is
a very good client.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
Wears a 24 short.
The guy on the wall
next to the monkey,
he looks familiar.
TAILOR: [SCOFFS]
American.
I believe his name was Bruce?
Uh, Bryce?
Bryce. Bryce.
He's an assassin.
Hit on me once at a convention.
Tried to get me into bed
talking about "rifle specs."
[BOTH LAUGH]
Well, the monkey
certainly likes him.
He was adamant I keep
their photos together.
When's the last time
you saw the American?
I thought I heard he was killed
up in the mountains recently.
Oh, I wouldn't know
anything about that.
Then I believe we're done here.
Thank you for the dress.
Your craftsmanship is unparalleled.
But I'm still in the middle
Ah, tch-tch-tch-tch-tch.
Why did you just poke me?
Oh, I didn't poke you.
I introduced a needle
into your radial artery.
Right now the sharp little guy
is traveling up your arm.
[GROANS]
He's gonna hang
a right at your shoulder
and arrive at his final destination
any moment.
Now.
♪
♪
[MONKEY GRUNTS]
BRYCE:
Oh, hey, I just realized something!
You know how the President has
the First Dog?
Well, that's gonna be you, man.
[MONKEY GROWLS]
You're gonna be
the official pet of Japan!
[CHUCKLES]
I mean, they're probably gonna put you
on a goddamn stamp!
Who cares about
the masks anymore.
You're gonna have people licking
your ass
Huh?
[SHRIEKING]
Dude, I-I don't know
what's happening,
but it's kinda
freaking me out now.
So, uh, let's just ignore it
and hope it goes away.
You know, like I do
with all my problems.
[INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER]
♪
Huh?
This doesn't make any sense.
It's just confusing,
because if this was
really feudal Japan,
there wouldn't be guys with machine guns
just walking around, you know.
[GRUNTING]
No, I mean,
all I'm saying is that
if you're gonna throw
a theme party, commit.
[MONKEY GRUNTING]
Oh shit. Look at this.
Here's where they put
the budget.
Might wanna grab
your katana, dude.
It's time to get bloody.
[ROARS]
OZU: It shouldn't be this close.
You assured me.
[BONSAI MASTER SIGHS]
The polls do not close
for another hour, Councilor.
There's plenty of time.
This is bullshit.
I trusted you.
BONSAI MASTER: Go downstairs,
have a drink, and relax.
It's going to be fine.
The future of our country
is at stake.
How the hell can you be so calm?
Because I have
an insurance policy.
Now, like I said,
go pour yourself a drink,
mingle with your donors,
and start behaving like
a goddamn Prime Minister.
MERCENARY:
Sir, sir,
the monkey is here.
OZU:
Oh my god.
What are you
talking about, here?
Like here-here?
BONSAI MASTER:
Get the Councilor to safety.
You're not coming?
I am capable
of taking care of myself.
Took you long enough.
Hey, there's a lot
of temples in Tokyo.
But only one where
a monkey in a suit hangs out.
I'm sorry.
You will soon meet your end.
Oh, you make
creepy predictions too?
Didn't see that coming.
Shall we begin?
[CLANGS]
Oh, this is gonna be fun.
[YELLS]
Jesus, you're annoying!
You know, if you talk less
when you fight,
you can manage your breath.
[YELLS]
[TOLLS LOUDLY]
Aah!
Oh, here we go.
[BELL TOLLS]
[GROANS]
[TOLLS]
Bye now.
So, wise man,
is this my end?
It will be when you battle
the monkey and the gho
- The what?
- [GROANS]
- Ghost?
- No, no, no.
Is that what
you were going to say?
Goat.
Monkey and the goat.
[SIGHS]
Thanks.
This was very spiritual.
[RYOSHIN GROANS]
[KATANAS CLANGING]
BRYCE:
Look at you go!
Alright, he's coming in high
so aim low!
[MONKEY OOKS]
Two and three o'clock!
[MONKEY SCREECHES]
Oh sorry. Your three o'clock!
I won't do that anymore.
Quick, over your shoulder.
Oh my god.
I wanna throw cash at you.
You know, I had no idea
you could enjoy working
with a partner this much.
Yeah, I just thought they were there
to blame stuff on.
[CHUCKLES]
Ho-ho-ho.
Oh man. Oh man.
[THUDS]
[MONKEY PANTING]
I guess that's it
for the chips and salsa.
Let's go order us up
a main course.
Hey, keep an eye out
for Lady Bullseye.
She's gotta be lurking
around here somewhere.
[GROWLING]
Whoa!
You've come a long way, Monkey.
Yeah, back to the 1600s,
by the look of it.
So, are you here
to return the katana
I gifted to General Kato?
Or perhaps
you'd like to meet its sister!
[OOKS]
You don't know it,
but you hold in your hands
the blade of a hero.
Saigō Takamori was the last
of the great Samurai.
He died fighting against
the modernization of our country.
A transition he knew
would lead to mediocrity
and cowardice!
[GRUNTS]
But I've made a vow
to continue his fight.
To bring back the old ways
and restore Japan
to its proper place of honor.
I'm sorry, is his fighting style
to bore us to death?
BONSAI MASTER:
And now,
all that stands in my way
is you.
[YELLS]
[SHRIEKING]
Go for his nuts! You know?
Just swing it around his nuts!
You must control
your breath, Monkey.
[MONKEY SHRIEKS]
BONSAI MASTER:
Tension will get you killed, Monkey.
[WHIMPERS]
[CHUCKLES] Good monkey.
Okay, okay, don't panic.
Hey, this tree is pretty sweet.
You know, he probably kills
everyone under it.
Maybe if you climbed inside,
you could
What the
Hey! Hey! Did you see that!
[OOKS]
Did you see what I did?
Look what I-I I broke the tree.
I broke the tree
with my, with my ghost hands.
What the aw, crap.
I swear to God I did it.
[OOKS, SCREECHES]
Ugh.
Keep your filthy hands off of it!
[YELLS]
[ROARS]
[GASPS]
No.
[SHRIEKS]
[SCREAMS]
[GROANING]
[GROANING]
You've defeated me.
[GROANS]
But it doesn't matter.
The die is cast.
[GROANS]
♪
A man who toils for his country
will always be lit
by the sun of Japan.
[GRUNTS]
[GROANS]
Oh-ho-ho-oh whoa.
Yikes.
Someone had a big lunch.
[WHIMPERS]
[PEOPLE SHOUTING]
POLICE CAPTAIN:
This crowd is getting out of control.
We need more backup.
Forget the crowd.
What about Lady Bullseye?
She could be anywhere.
SILVER SAMURAI:
Oy!
You thought
you could have a party
and not invite
the Silver Samurai?
- Who is that?
- Holster your weapon.
That's Silver Samurai.
He's a mutant medieval warrior
and sworn protector
of the Prime Minister
and a giant asshole.
[SILVER SAMURAI CHUCKLES]
My people,
tonight I stand here
not in service to one candidate
but all of Japan.
Whatever the outcome
of this election,
there will be peace
in the streets.
So says the Silver Samurai!
OFFICER:
What the hell is that?
I am Yuki!
The undead ghost assassin.
I will restore peace to Tokyo!
Yuki.
[GROWLS]
Wow. This is just great.
This is a
a total shit-show.
Ha! Yeah.
[CROWD CHEERING IN DISTANCE]
Akiko.
It's time.
We've just gotten word that
the final election results are in.
I'm proud to announce
the new Prime Minister of Japan
is Shinji Yokohama.
[CHEERING]
AKIKO:
Yes!
Whoo!
[LAUGHS]
Oh my god! Uncle! Yes!
You deserve this!
We deserve this.
I couldn't have done it
without you.
Oh, I wrote something
for your acceptance speech.
It's awesome.
No offense, but I wrote my own.
Oh, so you're firing me again?
No, Akiko.
You're my new chief of staff.
Uncle
Don't.
If you cry,
you're gonna make me cry.
- Prime Minister!
- [LAUGHS]
Come on, let's get you a drink!
[AKIKO SOBS QUIETLY]
[SIGHS]
[DOOR OPENS]
Ominous music playing ♪
Oh, sweetie,
let me help you with that.
Oh, uh
Uh um, I'm good,
but thank you.
I insist.
Oh. Just gonna do it.
Um I guess my hands are
kinda shaky right now.
I know!
What an exciting night!
Yikes. What happened here?
It's a long story.
It's still a little tender.
Aw.
I'll be very gentle.
♪
[GRUNTS]
I mean, I snapped that branch,
you know. I-I But how?
Look, this is all a sign that
something big's about to happen, you know.
The barriers between the worlds,
they're breaking, you know.
Like my, my presence here is,
it's starting to fray. I can feel it.
♪
[KATANA SCRAPING]
[TAPPING]
Oh God.
You?
I just lost the election!
Isn't that enough?
[MONKEY OOKING]
So now you're going to kill me,
just like you killed Takahara.
[GROWLING, SCREECHING]
Me?
Why would I have done it?
I was ten points up
in the polls against Ken!
Suddenly he's murdered,
and I'm running against a martyr!
Who could compete with that?
Think about it!
Who had the most to gain?
[GROWLS]
Hey, look, as much
as I hate this scumbag,
he's making a good point.
'Cause all Ken's death did
was open the door for, um
[CROWD CHEERING]
Oh my god.
[CROWD CHEERING]
Thank you! Thank you!
A great friend of mine
once said,
"He who toils for his country
"will always be lit
by the sun of Japan."
Oh shit.
Dramatic theme playing ♪
♪
Dramatic theme playing ♪
♪
OZU: [ON LOUDSPEAKER]
Honor! Tradition! Values!
Don't forget to vote tomorrow,
my friends!
The future of Japan depends on it!
[MONKEY SHRIEKING]
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
Stop that monkey!
[PANTING]
[HOOTING, SCREECHING]
The monkey's headed
towards Yoyogi Park.
Send backup.
♪
BRYCE:
You're a Halloween costume now?
[OOKS]
Hey, no bullshit.
Old Bryce
would have been totally jealous
of this moment.
[GRUNTS]
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING]
Dramatic theme playing ♪
♪
[MONKEY WHIMPERS]
[WHISTLES]
Holy moley.
I don't mean to sound
like I'm bragging,
but, well, you know,
this isn't the first time
a woman's burned down my pad.
[OOKING]
Hey, look, if we're going to track
and kill Lady Bullseye,
we're going to need
our weapons, so let's get
Oh-whoa.
Okay, well,
this is not normal. Whoa!
Hey, look at this!
It's like some Back to the Future shit
What the hell was that?
[GRUNTING]
Uh, nothing.
Nothing. Sorry. No, I-I
You know, I thought I saw
a two-headed squirrel run by.
But it, uh, it was just a, uh,
a one-headed
Doesn't matter. Look, are you
gonna grab the guns or what?
Come on, let's go, man.
[GRUNTING]
What do you mean
there's no weapons?
They're gone?
[MONKEY GRUNTS]
Shit.
The police must have gone through
this place with a fine-toothed comb.
OFFICER:
Freeze!
- Oh, Jesus.
- [OOKS]
BRYCE: What is this,
another cop?
Scared the hell outta me.
[GROWLS]
OFFICER: Drop it!
AKIKO:
Relax.
She's on our side.
[GRUNTS]
BRYCE: Well, well, well.
The game is afoot, huh?
[CHUCKLES]
[OOKS]
I'm happy to see you too.
A lot's happened
since you've been gone.
So, to catch you up,
I've been going through
The Rooster's blackmail,
and I found
something interesting.
[GRUNTS]
Is is that blood?
[SHRIEKS]
Would you just die already!
[MONKEY SHRIEKS]
[SCREAMS]
Oh-ho, man.
Not so sure
about Encyclopedia Brown over here.
I mean, that box
is literally overflowing
with dirt on the most
powerful players in Japan,
and she's focused on the pen?
[GRUNTS]
This seemingly innocuous pen
- is actually a recording device.
- A recording device!
No, that makes more sense.
MAN:
If Ken Takahara wins this election,
his anti-corruption measures
will destroy your organization.
ROOSTER:
Hey, the Rooster's no fool.
I get what's in it for me,
but what about you?
Why are you and your associate
doing this?
MAN:
That is not your concern.
Just get rid of him.
Holy shit.
It's Bonsai Shoes!
The man you just heard order
the hit is named Ichiro Hazaki,
but he's better known
as "The Bonsai Master."
Eh, Master. Shoes.
Potato, tomato. Whatever.
[GRUNTING]
He's a big deal
in the political world
and by far the biggest donor
to Ozu's campaign.
He's the brains behind all this.
Haruka hasn't gone to the police
with this recording.
We're the only ones
who know the truth.
I brought it to you because
we both have friends to avenge.
And God knows
the police aren't going to help.
If we don't stop these guys,
my uncle will be
the next to die.
We need your help.
[GROWLS]
Does that mean he's in?
Oh. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah,
that's an "I'm in" growl for sure.
We're good.
BRYCE: Hey, psst.
Tell 'em I'm in, too.
♪
♪
Bonsai Master's compound is
in the foothills of Mount Takao.
It's heavily guarded.
Tonight he'll be there hosting
the official watch party
for Ozu's campaign.
It is a beautiful background
for a concession speech.
Too bad he's not going
to be around to make it.
[OOKS]
What? Too dark?
- Eh
- Not for me. I love it.
This chick is growing on me.
I, uh, found this beneath
what used to be my sofa.
[OOKS]
Figured you might need it.
[WHIMPERS]
HARUKA:
Don't worry about Akiko.
I'll be outside the Tower all night
keeping her and the Councilor safe.
You know, Monkey,
once this is all over,
my uncle is going to be
the new Prime Minister.
We'll be living
in the official residence,
and I'd like you
to live there, too.
Be part of the family.
My family.
Say yes.
Just nod your head.
Your smile is terrifying.
[OOKS]
HARUKA:
Okay,
this is as close as I'm gonna be able
to take you.
Be safe up there.
[OOKS]
[DOOR HANDLE CLICKING]
There's a button.
Yeah. To your left.
AKIKO: Yeah. It's the red one.
Just press it down, and the latch
should just come undone.
HARUKA: The red one.
[MONKEY GROWLS]
AKIKO: Yeah, no, you're on it. You're
no, you're touching it right now.
Push the button, man.
HARUKA:
Yeah, right there. No
- Use the
- [GRUNTING]
You're right there!
Red, down, out.
- Just push it.
- BRYCE: Oh boy.
- Push the button.
- You just push it
[OVERLAPPING CHATTER]
[MONKEY SHRIEKING]
HARUKA:
The red one.
BRYCE: A hundred of you jerks
could write Hamlet?
- AKIKO: You're right there
- BRYCE: Bullshit.
[MONKEY SHRIEKING]
♪
TAILOR:
It's a big night.
Will you be attending
any of the election celebrations?
I'll be attending
the only one that matters.
Mm. Mm. Mm.
Oh, look at that!
A literal monkey suit.
TAILOR: Ah, yes.
The monkey is
a very good client.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
Wears a 24 short.
The guy on the wall
next to the monkey,
he looks familiar.
TAILOR: [SCOFFS]
American.
I believe his name was Bruce?
Uh, Bryce?
Bryce. Bryce.
He's an assassin.
Hit on me once at a convention.
Tried to get me into bed
talking about "rifle specs."
[BOTH LAUGH]
Well, the monkey
certainly likes him.
He was adamant I keep
their photos together.
When's the last time
you saw the American?
I thought I heard he was killed
up in the mountains recently.
Oh, I wouldn't know
anything about that.
Then I believe we're done here.
Thank you for the dress.
Your craftsmanship is unparalleled.
But I'm still in the middle
Ah, tch-tch-tch-tch-tch.
Why did you just poke me?
Oh, I didn't poke you.
I introduced a needle
into your radial artery.
Right now the sharp little guy
is traveling up your arm.
[GROANS]
He's gonna hang
a right at your shoulder
and arrive at his final destination
any moment.
Now.
♪
♪
[MONKEY GRUNTS]
BRYCE:
Oh, hey, I just realized something!
You know how the President has
the First Dog?
Well, that's gonna be you, man.
[MONKEY GROWLS]
You're gonna be
the official pet of Japan!
[CHUCKLES]
I mean, they're probably gonna put you
on a goddamn stamp!
Who cares about
the masks anymore.
You're gonna have people licking
your ass
Huh?
[SHRIEKING]
Dude, I-I don't know
what's happening,
but it's kinda
freaking me out now.
So, uh, let's just ignore it
and hope it goes away.
You know, like I do
with all my problems.
[INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER]
♪
Huh?
This doesn't make any sense.
It's just confusing,
because if this was
really feudal Japan,
there wouldn't be guys with machine guns
just walking around, you know.
[GRUNTING]
No, I mean,
all I'm saying is that
if you're gonna throw
a theme party, commit.
[MONKEY GRUNTING]
Oh shit. Look at this.
Here's where they put
the budget.
Might wanna grab
your katana, dude.
It's time to get bloody.
[ROARS]
OZU: It shouldn't be this close.
You assured me.
[BONSAI MASTER SIGHS]
The polls do not close
for another hour, Councilor.
There's plenty of time.
This is bullshit.
I trusted you.
BONSAI MASTER: Go downstairs,
have a drink, and relax.
It's going to be fine.
The future of our country
is at stake.
How the hell can you be so calm?
Because I have
an insurance policy.
Now, like I said,
go pour yourself a drink,
mingle with your donors,
and start behaving like
a goddamn Prime Minister.
MERCENARY:
Sir, sir,
the monkey is here.
OZU:
Oh my god.
What are you
talking about, here?
Like here-here?
BONSAI MASTER:
Get the Councilor to safety.
You're not coming?
I am capable
of taking care of myself.
Took you long enough.
Hey, there's a lot
of temples in Tokyo.
But only one where
a monkey in a suit hangs out.
I'm sorry.
You will soon meet your end.
Oh, you make
creepy predictions too?
Didn't see that coming.
Shall we begin?
[CLANGS]
Oh, this is gonna be fun.
[YELLS]
Jesus, you're annoying!
You know, if you talk less
when you fight,
you can manage your breath.
[YELLS]
[TOLLS LOUDLY]
Aah!
Oh, here we go.
[BELL TOLLS]
[GROANS]
[TOLLS]
Bye now.
So, wise man,
is this my end?
It will be when you battle
the monkey and the gho
- The what?
- [GROANS]
- Ghost?
- No, no, no.
Is that what
you were going to say?
Goat.
Monkey and the goat.
[SIGHS]
Thanks.
This was very spiritual.
[RYOSHIN GROANS]
[KATANAS CLANGING]
BRYCE:
Look at you go!
Alright, he's coming in high
so aim low!
[MONKEY OOKS]
Two and three o'clock!
[MONKEY SCREECHES]
Oh sorry. Your three o'clock!
I won't do that anymore.
Quick, over your shoulder.
Oh my god.
I wanna throw cash at you.
You know, I had no idea
you could enjoy working
with a partner this much.
Yeah, I just thought they were there
to blame stuff on.
[CHUCKLES]
Ho-ho-ho.
Oh man. Oh man.
[THUDS]
[MONKEY PANTING]
I guess that's it
for the chips and salsa.
Let's go order us up
a main course.
Hey, keep an eye out
for Lady Bullseye.
She's gotta be lurking
around here somewhere.
[GROWLING]
Whoa!
You've come a long way, Monkey.
Yeah, back to the 1600s,
by the look of it.
So, are you here
to return the katana
I gifted to General Kato?
Or perhaps
you'd like to meet its sister!
[OOKS]
You don't know it,
but you hold in your hands
the blade of a hero.
Saigō Takamori was the last
of the great Samurai.
He died fighting against
the modernization of our country.
A transition he knew
would lead to mediocrity
and cowardice!
[GRUNTS]
But I've made a vow
to continue his fight.
To bring back the old ways
and restore Japan
to its proper place of honor.
I'm sorry, is his fighting style
to bore us to death?
BONSAI MASTER:
And now,
all that stands in my way
is you.
[YELLS]
[SHRIEKING]
Go for his nuts! You know?
Just swing it around his nuts!
You must control
your breath, Monkey.
[MONKEY SHRIEKS]
BONSAI MASTER:
Tension will get you killed, Monkey.
[WHIMPERS]
[CHUCKLES] Good monkey.
Okay, okay, don't panic.
Hey, this tree is pretty sweet.
You know, he probably kills
everyone under it.
Maybe if you climbed inside,
you could
What the
Hey! Hey! Did you see that!
[OOKS]
Did you see what I did?
Look what I-I I broke the tree.
I broke the tree
with my, with my ghost hands.
What the aw, crap.
I swear to God I did it.
[OOKS, SCREECHES]
Ugh.
Keep your filthy hands off of it!
[YELLS]
[ROARS]
[GASPS]
No.
[SHRIEKS]
[SCREAMS]
[GROANING]
[GROANING]
You've defeated me.
[GROANS]
But it doesn't matter.
The die is cast.
[GROANS]
♪
A man who toils for his country
will always be lit
by the sun of Japan.
[GRUNTS]
[GROANS]
Oh-ho-ho-oh whoa.
Yikes.
Someone had a big lunch.
[WHIMPERS]
[PEOPLE SHOUTING]
POLICE CAPTAIN:
This crowd is getting out of control.
We need more backup.
Forget the crowd.
What about Lady Bullseye?
She could be anywhere.
SILVER SAMURAI:
Oy!
You thought
you could have a party
and not invite
the Silver Samurai?
- Who is that?
- Holster your weapon.
That's Silver Samurai.
He's a mutant medieval warrior
and sworn protector
of the Prime Minister
and a giant asshole.
[SILVER SAMURAI CHUCKLES]
My people,
tonight I stand here
not in service to one candidate
but all of Japan.
Whatever the outcome
of this election,
there will be peace
in the streets.
So says the Silver Samurai!
OFFICER:
What the hell is that?
I am Yuki!
The undead ghost assassin.
I will restore peace to Tokyo!
Yuki.
[GROWLS]
Wow. This is just great.
This is a
a total shit-show.
Ha! Yeah.
[CROWD CHEERING IN DISTANCE]
Akiko.
It's time.
We've just gotten word that
the final election results are in.
I'm proud to announce
the new Prime Minister of Japan
is Shinji Yokohama.
[CHEERING]
AKIKO:
Yes!
Whoo!
[LAUGHS]
Oh my god! Uncle! Yes!
You deserve this!
We deserve this.
I couldn't have done it
without you.
Oh, I wrote something
for your acceptance speech.
It's awesome.
No offense, but I wrote my own.
Oh, so you're firing me again?
No, Akiko.
You're my new chief of staff.
Uncle
Don't.
If you cry,
you're gonna make me cry.
- Prime Minister!
- [LAUGHS]
Come on, let's get you a drink!
[AKIKO SOBS QUIETLY]
[SIGHS]
[DOOR OPENS]
Ominous music playing ♪
Oh, sweetie,
let me help you with that.
Oh, uh
Uh um, I'm good,
but thank you.
I insist.
Oh. Just gonna do it.
Um I guess my hands are
kinda shaky right now.
I know!
What an exciting night!
Yikes. What happened here?
It's a long story.
It's still a little tender.
Aw.
I'll be very gentle.
♪
[GRUNTS]
I mean, I snapped that branch,
you know. I-I But how?
Look, this is all a sign that
something big's about to happen, you know.
The barriers between the worlds,
they're breaking, you know.
Like my, my presence here is,
it's starting to fray. I can feel it.
♪
[KATANA SCRAPING]
[TAPPING]
Oh God.
You?
I just lost the election!
Isn't that enough?
[MONKEY OOKING]
So now you're going to kill me,
just like you killed Takahara.
[GROWLING, SCREECHING]
Me?
Why would I have done it?
I was ten points up
in the polls against Ken!
Suddenly he's murdered,
and I'm running against a martyr!
Who could compete with that?
Think about it!
Who had the most to gain?
[GROWLS]
Hey, look, as much
as I hate this scumbag,
he's making a good point.
'Cause all Ken's death did
was open the door for, um
[CROWD CHEERING]
Oh my god.
[CROWD CHEERING]
Thank you! Thank you!
A great friend of mine
once said,
"He who toils for his country
"will always be lit
by the sun of Japan."
Oh shit.
Dramatic theme playing ♪
♪