Hotel Transylvania: The Series (2017) s01e09 Episode Script
Curse Club; Casket If You Can
1 [THUNDER BOOMING.]
[MUSIC.]
[SCREAMING.]
[MUSIC.]
[BATS SCREECHING.]
[SNORING.]
MAVIS: Pedro.
Pedro! [KNOCKING.]
- Pedro! - Wah! Aunt Lydia made me dump out your mailbox since it's only been piling up for half a century.
I have a mail box? No way! Ooh.
This one's from my man Murray.
"Dear Pedro, don't embarrass me at my boy Drac's hotel.
Oh, and I left a refried screams burrito under the bed a few years ago.
You can have it.
" Sweet! [LAUGHS.]
[CHOMPS.]
Mmm.
Free range maggots.
Huh? Yay! The ancient scroll of Four-Ply.
I mean, it's just toilet paper.
[SPEAKING UNINTELLIGIBLE INCANTATION.]
- Grow hairy toenails! - I just hauled all your mail up.
- Grow 'em yourself.
Ah! - Ha! I am trying to curse you! This is my official invitation to compete in the prestigious Curse Club! Tongue made of earwax! - What's Curse Cl Ugh! - Aw! It's happening all over again.
What kind of a mummy can't curse? I'll be thrown out of every Mummy group! I remember when I tried to lay my first curse.
[SPEAKING UNINTELLIGIBLE INCANTATION IN HIGH-PITCH.]
Grow hairy toenails! [ALL LAUGHING.]
PEDRO: But it didn't work.
My mummy told me, one day, I'd be invited to Curse Club, and on that day, I'd finally be able to lay a curse.
[SPEAKING UNINTELLIGIBLE INCANTATION.]
Witch warts for eyeballs! Um, I have to say I'm pretty happy this isn't working out for you.
[SIGHING.]
This is so humiliating.
[LOUD MUNCHING SOUNDS.]
[BELCHING.]
I-I'm gonna go now.
Pedro's been trying his whole life and still can't throw a curse.
Dude's cursed, except, y'know, not.
- You can't fake that stuff.
- [GASPING.]
Whoa! I just got a genius idea! [SCOFFING.]
I hate to be critical, Mavis, but do you ever feel like it's your "genius ideas" - that get you into trouble? - Ooh, Wendy, you can't make the same mistake nine times.
I hope.
MAVIS: Hey, Pedro! Looking good! I was telling Hank and Wendy about the cool curses you were throwing.
Except I wasn't.
I'm a mummy that can't curse! I might as well be a Whatever Wendy is.
I'm a blob, thank you very much.
You know, in some fish cultures, we're considered royalty.
Your Majesty.
Come on, give it a try.
Do it! Do it! Do it! - Please do it, so she stops.
- Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Seriously, I'm very supportive and even I hate it.
[SIGHING.]
Fine.
[SPEAKING UNINTELLIGIBLE INCANTATION.]
Howl like a werewolf! [HOWLING.]
[GASPING.]
[HOWLING.]
I did it! She's howling! I cursed Mavis! Yes, I did! [SPEAKING UNINTELLIGIBLE INCANTATION.]
Hank and Wendy swap bodies! [GASPING.]
I'm Hank! Ah, Look at me.
Ooh, I'm a blob.
[WHISPERS.]
I have a name, you know.
I did it again! Whoo-hoo! I can curse! Is he gone? Yup.
Did you see how happy he was? We did a good thing there, pretending to be cursed.
No, I didn't see anything.
And all we did was give him a false sense of confidence.
Exactly.
Now, he can take some pressure off his wraps.
And all we have to do is pretend for a little while.
What's the worst that could happen? - Don't you ever get tired of saying that? - Not really, no.
MAVIS: Hope you enjoyed your stay! [PEDRO LAUGHING.]
Uh [HOWLING.]
[BOTH GASPING.]
Sorry! Whatever I said, I probably didn't mean it! Come again! [IN HIGH-PITCH.]
Hi, Pedro! Bleeeb, Blob, blob.
I do not sound like that.
Lookit, you guys.
I've been waitin' my whole life to throw a curse and now, I'm doin' it all over the place.
Check this out! [SPEAKING UNINTELLIGIBLE INCANTATION.]
You have two eyeballs! [GASPING.]
PEDRO: It's not pretty, but still, two eyeballs, baby! - Aw, yeah! - I'm so happy for you! I'm sure "Hank" is, too.
Y'know if we knew where he was.
[SCATTING.]
Elevator up to the penthouse, please? Oh my, we're going down! Ah, guess it looks like this mummy is finally ready for - Curse Club! - [GASPING.]
Curse Club? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's the big deal? You couldn't have asked that before? [GROWLING.]
Welcome to another exciting night of Curse Club, where mummies lay curses on each other until one walks away a champion! [GRUNTING.]
That's right, Skip.
First rule of Curse Club is tell all your friends about Curse Club! We're trying to get the name out there.
- Uh-oh - Now look what you've done! You're about to see Pedro go bandage-to-bandage in a battle of curses against another mummy.
- A real one! - [GULPING.]
Who? [GROWLS AND LAUGHS.]
Oh, she is gonna crush Pedro.
- You've gotta do something.
- Why me? Oh, right.
Fake curses and all.
[SPEAKING BLOBBISH.]
He says you're late for your daddy-daughter lunch.
But I'm not Wendy! Although, I do like a free lunch.
Wait a sec, if we're all in the Cerberus' pit, where's the Cerberus? Uh-oh.
Oh, you're a nice doggy, aren't you? Yes, you're very soft.
So, we're just waiting for a mummy dumb enough to get into the hexagon with Queen Tutanhammer! [GRUNTING.]
Whaddya mean there's someone there? Oh, it's Pedro! I couldn't see him behind his behemoth of an opponent.
I guess he's dumb enough.
I mean, why would anyone want to battle her on purpose? [SCREAMING IN FRUSTRATION.]
Okay, fine.
I'll fix it.
You don't have to be so obvious about it! Mavis! Get outta here! You're gonna get clobbered! No, you are.
It's kinda, sorta, very possible that you didn't actually curse me or anyone.
I faked it.
I even drew an eye on Mr.
Donaldson.
- And it won't come off! - Sorry! Come on, you're just saying all that to get me out of the hexagon.
Yes, because we faked it! You can't lay a curse to save your life! Oh, yeah? [SPEAKING UNINTELLIGIBLE INCANTATION.]
I curse you to be a vampire forever! - Boom, done, run along now! - But, but, but [MUSIC.]
And now for the ceremonial offerings.
Each mummy puts up what is nearest and dearest to them.
See you real soon, Mom! I'm so proud of you, baby girl! [SNAPS FINGERS.]
PEDRO: My half-off burrito, one-of-a-kind, VIP club card.
[BELL RINGING.]
[SPEAKING UNINTELLIGIBLE INCANTATION.]
Spider web! Ah! [LAUGHS.]
[GROANING.]
- You're finished.
- He's right! Hmm You're right.
I can do this! No one said that! [PUFF.]
[SPEAKING UNINTELLIGIBLE INCANTATION.]
Turn to mush! [LAUGHING.]
Uh [CRACKS KNUCKLES.]
[SPEAKING UNINTELLIGIBLE INCANTATION.]
[GRUNTING.]
Yes, Skip, of course I'm sure Mavis know's what she's doing.
[GROANS.]
She always was the "brains" of the family! [LAUGHS.]
[GRUNTING.]
[SPEAKING UNINTELLIGIBLE INCANTATION.]
[EXCLAIMS.]
[SPEAKING UNINTELLIGIBLE INCANTATION.]
[AUDIENCE CHEERING.]
Looks like Queen Tut is gonna send Mavis into Oblivion, which is actually quite nice this time of year.
[GRUNTING.]
Come on, I'm tryin' to lighten the mood, Skip.
My niece is gettin' pummeled out there! Mavis, get outta there! [LAUGHS.]
[SPEAKING UNINTELLIGIBLE INCANTATION.]
Grow hairy toenails! Did you just say "grow hairy toenails?" Oh, no, she di'nt.
That one is mine! And no one curses my friends! [SPEAKING UNINTELLIGIBLE INCANTATION.]
Monkey Tail! Ahh! Mouth sewn shut! [MUFFLED SPEAKING.]
Yikes! Now he sounds like you, Skipper.
And if he can't speak, it's over! [BELL RINGING.]
Looks like Queen Tutanhammer's gonna be bathing in burritos tonight! Ha! Half-off burritos! [MUFFLED SPEAKING.]
Pedro, I'm sorry you lost your burritos.
And I'm sorry you had to go through all those embarrassing curses.
[LAUGHING.]
It's okay.
I'm pretty sure the curses have worn off already.
[GASPING.]
Kapow! It worked! I can do it! I shouldn't have been shuttin' my eyes all this time! - What worked? - Uh, nothing.
Never mind.
Hey, what ever happened to Hank and Wendy? Ahem.
Uh, could you pass the wartstershire sauce, Daddy? [SPEAKING BLOBBISH.]
Thanks.
[CRYING.]
Oh, yes, who's a good doggie? Yes, you are! Who's the softest doggie in the world? Ooh, ooh! [BATS SCREECHING.]
[MUSIC.]
LYDIA: Diane! I cannot believe you're abandoning me like this in my time of need! Talk about selfish! Everything okay, Aunt Lydia? Ugh! Diane has a chicken pock and she's being so dramatic about it! I bet she's not even sick.
[VIOLIN PLAYING.]
Ah, just as I'd suspected.
[LICKS.]
Boo-berry! [COUGHING.]
Chicken pock! MAVIS: Ooh! Look who ordered a deluxe afternoon nap from room service! This isn't a sleeping casket, it's a rejuvenating casket.
- So, what's it do? - If you must know, it keeps my bones from turning to dust.
A thousand years can really take it's toll on a vampire.
- You'll see soon enough.
- Oh, right.
And since Diane has [YELLS.]
Flown the coop! who's going to sit for an hour and guard my casket now? Um, not to brag, but doing things for an hour is kinda my thing.
- No one thinks that's a brag.
- I'm awesome at, but not limited to, waiting for one hour dry-cleaning, taking one hour lunch breaks, listing things I can do in an hour in an hour.
[SIGHING.]
Very well.
I shall put my faith in this very specific and seemingly insignificant skill of yours.
But, I am not to be disturbed no matter the situation.
And if I awake with bones of dust, I will haunt your soul forever! [GULPING.]
Self-combusts.
Gotcha.
[TICKING.]
Stuck in this room for one hour [MUSIC.]
Not gonna be bored whatsoever! One hour, one hour, one hour, yeah! [JOINTS CRACKING.]
Ah-ha! Just as I thought, this rug measures three and a half me's.
Boom drac-a-lacka! [CLEARING THROAT.]
"101 Ways to Count to Sixty: One-Transylvania, two-Transylvania, three-Transylvania" [SLURPING.]
Ah Ah! That was only two minutes?! Ugh! And now, I gotta go to the bathroom.
How am I gonna do that if I can't leave the room? Uh Um Nah, better not.
Maybe I can hold it for 57 and a half minutes?! Guard this casket with your life! [SHUDDERING.]
Okay, I'll just be a minute.
What could go wrong in one minute? Stay.
Stay, casket.
Good casket.
Everything the chicken touched is contaminated.
It's all gotta go! This, this, this.
Especially this.
Uh, the painting's contagious? No, but it'll really brighten up my waiting room.
[GASPING.]
What happened? [CAMERA CLICKS.]
Ah! Where is everything? Where's the casket?! Check these out.
MAVIS: What? No.
[GASPING.]
The casket is out with the trash? You could've led with that! Yeah, but I look super cute in the cooking one.
True.
We're gonna drive, drive, drive Until you sleep, sleep, sleep! Wait a sec, hold the mayo! [TIRES SCREECHING.]
[SCREAMING EXCITEDLY.]
Do you know what this is? It's an antique bread box.
Oh! I know your mother said no more junk, but this isn't junk.
[TIRES SCREECHING.]
Tell me Donald Cartright, a known human, didn't just drive off with Aunt Lydia, a known human-hater.
Donald Cartwright, a known human, didn't just drive off with Aunt Lydia, a known human-hater.
- You're just saying that! - Because you told me to.
I have 45 minutes to get her back or I'm gonna self-combust! [HIGH-PITCH SCREAM.]
[SCREAMING ECHOING.]
Ah! I should've known Kitty would never let me keep you in the house.
I think she's jealous of the jazzy wheels I added.
She'd kill for a pair of wheels like that! Hmm What do you think we should do with it? [COOING.]
You think it'd be a nice ice box? [GIGGLING.]
Okay! Give daddy a hand, sweetie! [GIGGLING.]
Or a toolbox! Hmm? [BOTH LAUGHING.]
[COOING.]
Yes! We could cut it up into teeny-tiny flower planters! Mommy loves miniatures! BRB with an axe! Don't go anywhere! Ha-ha! As if.
As if you would! I'll be right back! Cut her in to teeny tiny pieces? [GASPING.]
This is serious.
Look! He put wheels on it! [GASPING.]
Pedro, assume the position! [LAUGHING.]
I put the "fly" in "fishing.
" [GRUNTS.]
Whee! - [GRUNTS.]
Hook it.
- Nice cast! MAVIS: We got a live one! [ALL SCREAMING.]
- Pedro, don't let go of the casket! - That's not a problem! [ALL STRAINING.]
Uh-oh.
Pedro, let go of the casket! [SCREAMING.]
[SCREAMING.]
Ha-ha! And that's how Mumgee jumping is done! [GRUNTS AND LAUGHS.]
- [PANTS.]
I can't look.
- Hey! Not looking is my thing.
Maybe the casket fell into a roofless pillow factory! - We don't know.
- Nope.
Not unless pillow factories look like flimsy tree branches.
MAVIS: [GASPING.]
It's safe! - Okay, nobody move a muscle.
- Ah! Bee! [EXCLAIMING.]
Oh! Oh! [SCREAMING.]
[THUD.]
[SCREAMING.]
Oh, I see the problem.
What you shoulda said was, "Nobody swat a bee, dive over the cliff, and land on the casket.
" MAVIS: Come on! [GRUNTS.]
I'm back! Box? Where are you, buddy? Hello? Now here's a little ditty 'bout a casket on the loose [MUSIC.]
Speedin' like a train, cargo in caboose 28 minutes said the number on the clock Till Mavis goes bye-bye, tick-tock-tick-tock Babysit a casket was all she had'ta do, jeez Hey, what's chasing you kids, is that Bees! Why is it always bees? [SCREAMING.]
[ROARS.]
[CHITTERING.]
Come on, pillow factory! Didn't see that coming, what an unexpected twist Is it curtains for the kids? Will they cease to exist? [ALL SCREAMING.]
[STUTTERS.]
C-Can we take the long way home? [GASPING.]
Uh, yeah, sure! We've got loads of time.
We can totally take the long way.
Yes! [BOTH GRUNTING.]
[HANK SCREAMING.]
One minute! [GASPING.]
[ALL SCREAMING.]
- PEDRO: Ha-ha! - Nobody look! [CLUCKING.]
[CLUCKING.]
A flying casket? Your fever must be getting worse.
More ice! [CLUCKING.]
Hank, I need to see to steer! Ah! Flip-flop casket roll! Now! [ALL STRAINING.]
Ha-ha! How low can we go? Just low enough! - HANK: Uh slow down! - This thing doesn't come with brakes.
[HANK SCREAMING.]
I got this! [ALL GRUNTING.]
Whee! - [LAUGHING.]
Look at that! - Whee! [GASPS.]
And just in time! [ALL STRAINING.]
ALL: Three, two, one.
[BELL DINGING.]
[SIGHS IN RELIEF.]
I feel great! But you look terrible, child.
How taxing can it be to just watch something? You have no idea.
What did I tell ya, huh? Safe and sound.
Mavis the casket-watcher to the rescue.
I suppose I underestimated your ability to sit and stare at something.
What happened to my room?! Um, ah, well, ah, all you said was guard the casket with your life and, ah, believe me, we did.
[STAMMERING.]
Everything Diane touched had to be thrown out moved out to my office for Observation.
Ah, well, at least that Spiteful chicken! didn't get her claws on my casket.
Toss the casket.
And the bird! [CLUCKS.]
[STRAINING.]
Phew! Who knew watching a rejuvenation casket for an hour could make you so tired? [MUSIC.]
[CLUCKING.]
Gah! There she is! [BRAKES SQUEALING.]
[SCREAMING HAPPILY.]
I can't believe it! [LAUGHING.]
I knew you'd find your way back to me.
I just knew it! Thank you, pillow factory!
[MUSIC.]
[SCREAMING.]
[MUSIC.]
[BATS SCREECHING.]
[SNORING.]
MAVIS: Pedro.
Pedro! [KNOCKING.]
- Pedro! - Wah! Aunt Lydia made me dump out your mailbox since it's only been piling up for half a century.
I have a mail box? No way! Ooh.
This one's from my man Murray.
"Dear Pedro, don't embarrass me at my boy Drac's hotel.
Oh, and I left a refried screams burrito under the bed a few years ago.
You can have it.
" Sweet! [LAUGHS.]
[CHOMPS.]
Mmm.
Free range maggots.
Huh? Yay! The ancient scroll of Four-Ply.
I mean, it's just toilet paper.
[SPEAKING UNINTELLIGIBLE INCANTATION.]
- Grow hairy toenails! - I just hauled all your mail up.
- Grow 'em yourself.
Ah! - Ha! I am trying to curse you! This is my official invitation to compete in the prestigious Curse Club! Tongue made of earwax! - What's Curse Cl Ugh! - Aw! It's happening all over again.
What kind of a mummy can't curse? I'll be thrown out of every Mummy group! I remember when I tried to lay my first curse.
[SPEAKING UNINTELLIGIBLE INCANTATION IN HIGH-PITCH.]
Grow hairy toenails! [ALL LAUGHING.]
PEDRO: But it didn't work.
My mummy told me, one day, I'd be invited to Curse Club, and on that day, I'd finally be able to lay a curse.
[SPEAKING UNINTELLIGIBLE INCANTATION.]
Witch warts for eyeballs! Um, I have to say I'm pretty happy this isn't working out for you.
[SIGHING.]
This is so humiliating.
[LOUD MUNCHING SOUNDS.]
[BELCHING.]
I-I'm gonna go now.
Pedro's been trying his whole life and still can't throw a curse.
Dude's cursed, except, y'know, not.
- You can't fake that stuff.
- [GASPING.]
Whoa! I just got a genius idea! [SCOFFING.]
I hate to be critical, Mavis, but do you ever feel like it's your "genius ideas" - that get you into trouble? - Ooh, Wendy, you can't make the same mistake nine times.
I hope.
MAVIS: Hey, Pedro! Looking good! I was telling Hank and Wendy about the cool curses you were throwing.
Except I wasn't.
I'm a mummy that can't curse! I might as well be a Whatever Wendy is.
I'm a blob, thank you very much.
You know, in some fish cultures, we're considered royalty.
Your Majesty.
Come on, give it a try.
Do it! Do it! Do it! - Please do it, so she stops.
- Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Seriously, I'm very supportive and even I hate it.
[SIGHING.]
Fine.
[SPEAKING UNINTELLIGIBLE INCANTATION.]
Howl like a werewolf! [HOWLING.]
[GASPING.]
[HOWLING.]
I did it! She's howling! I cursed Mavis! Yes, I did! [SPEAKING UNINTELLIGIBLE INCANTATION.]
Hank and Wendy swap bodies! [GASPING.]
I'm Hank! Ah, Look at me.
Ooh, I'm a blob.
[WHISPERS.]
I have a name, you know.
I did it again! Whoo-hoo! I can curse! Is he gone? Yup.
Did you see how happy he was? We did a good thing there, pretending to be cursed.
No, I didn't see anything.
And all we did was give him a false sense of confidence.
Exactly.
Now, he can take some pressure off his wraps.
And all we have to do is pretend for a little while.
What's the worst that could happen? - Don't you ever get tired of saying that? - Not really, no.
MAVIS: Hope you enjoyed your stay! [PEDRO LAUGHING.]
Uh [HOWLING.]
[BOTH GASPING.]
Sorry! Whatever I said, I probably didn't mean it! Come again! [IN HIGH-PITCH.]
Hi, Pedro! Bleeeb, Blob, blob.
I do not sound like that.
Lookit, you guys.
I've been waitin' my whole life to throw a curse and now, I'm doin' it all over the place.
Check this out! [SPEAKING UNINTELLIGIBLE INCANTATION.]
You have two eyeballs! [GASPING.]
PEDRO: It's not pretty, but still, two eyeballs, baby! - Aw, yeah! - I'm so happy for you! I'm sure "Hank" is, too.
Y'know if we knew where he was.
[SCATTING.]
Elevator up to the penthouse, please? Oh my, we're going down! Ah, guess it looks like this mummy is finally ready for - Curse Club! - [GASPING.]
Curse Club? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's the big deal? You couldn't have asked that before? [GROWLING.]
Welcome to another exciting night of Curse Club, where mummies lay curses on each other until one walks away a champion! [GRUNTING.]
That's right, Skip.
First rule of Curse Club is tell all your friends about Curse Club! We're trying to get the name out there.
- Uh-oh - Now look what you've done! You're about to see Pedro go bandage-to-bandage in a battle of curses against another mummy.
- A real one! - [GULPING.]
Who? [GROWLS AND LAUGHS.]
Oh, she is gonna crush Pedro.
- You've gotta do something.
- Why me? Oh, right.
Fake curses and all.
[SPEAKING BLOBBISH.]
He says you're late for your daddy-daughter lunch.
But I'm not Wendy! Although, I do like a free lunch.
Wait a sec, if we're all in the Cerberus' pit, where's the Cerberus? Uh-oh.
Oh, you're a nice doggy, aren't you? Yes, you're very soft.
So, we're just waiting for a mummy dumb enough to get into the hexagon with Queen Tutanhammer! [GRUNTING.]
Whaddya mean there's someone there? Oh, it's Pedro! I couldn't see him behind his behemoth of an opponent.
I guess he's dumb enough.
I mean, why would anyone want to battle her on purpose? [SCREAMING IN FRUSTRATION.]
Okay, fine.
I'll fix it.
You don't have to be so obvious about it! Mavis! Get outta here! You're gonna get clobbered! No, you are.
It's kinda, sorta, very possible that you didn't actually curse me or anyone.
I faked it.
I even drew an eye on Mr.
Donaldson.
- And it won't come off! - Sorry! Come on, you're just saying all that to get me out of the hexagon.
Yes, because we faked it! You can't lay a curse to save your life! Oh, yeah? [SPEAKING UNINTELLIGIBLE INCANTATION.]
I curse you to be a vampire forever! - Boom, done, run along now! - But, but, but [MUSIC.]
And now for the ceremonial offerings.
Each mummy puts up what is nearest and dearest to them.
See you real soon, Mom! I'm so proud of you, baby girl! [SNAPS FINGERS.]
PEDRO: My half-off burrito, one-of-a-kind, VIP club card.
[BELL RINGING.]
[SPEAKING UNINTELLIGIBLE INCANTATION.]
Spider web! Ah! [LAUGHS.]
[GROANING.]
- You're finished.
- He's right! Hmm You're right.
I can do this! No one said that! [PUFF.]
[SPEAKING UNINTELLIGIBLE INCANTATION.]
Turn to mush! [LAUGHING.]
Uh [CRACKS KNUCKLES.]
[SPEAKING UNINTELLIGIBLE INCANTATION.]
[GRUNTING.]
Yes, Skip, of course I'm sure Mavis know's what she's doing.
[GROANS.]
She always was the "brains" of the family! [LAUGHS.]
[GRUNTING.]
[SPEAKING UNINTELLIGIBLE INCANTATION.]
[EXCLAIMS.]
[SPEAKING UNINTELLIGIBLE INCANTATION.]
[AUDIENCE CHEERING.]
Looks like Queen Tut is gonna send Mavis into Oblivion, which is actually quite nice this time of year.
[GRUNTING.]
Come on, I'm tryin' to lighten the mood, Skip.
My niece is gettin' pummeled out there! Mavis, get outta there! [LAUGHS.]
[SPEAKING UNINTELLIGIBLE INCANTATION.]
Grow hairy toenails! Did you just say "grow hairy toenails?" Oh, no, she di'nt.
That one is mine! And no one curses my friends! [SPEAKING UNINTELLIGIBLE INCANTATION.]
Monkey Tail! Ahh! Mouth sewn shut! [MUFFLED SPEAKING.]
Yikes! Now he sounds like you, Skipper.
And if he can't speak, it's over! [BELL RINGING.]
Looks like Queen Tutanhammer's gonna be bathing in burritos tonight! Ha! Half-off burritos! [MUFFLED SPEAKING.]
Pedro, I'm sorry you lost your burritos.
And I'm sorry you had to go through all those embarrassing curses.
[LAUGHING.]
It's okay.
I'm pretty sure the curses have worn off already.
[GASPING.]
Kapow! It worked! I can do it! I shouldn't have been shuttin' my eyes all this time! - What worked? - Uh, nothing.
Never mind.
Hey, what ever happened to Hank and Wendy? Ahem.
Uh, could you pass the wartstershire sauce, Daddy? [SPEAKING BLOBBISH.]
Thanks.
[CRYING.]
Oh, yes, who's a good doggie? Yes, you are! Who's the softest doggie in the world? Ooh, ooh! [BATS SCREECHING.]
[MUSIC.]
LYDIA: Diane! I cannot believe you're abandoning me like this in my time of need! Talk about selfish! Everything okay, Aunt Lydia? Ugh! Diane has a chicken pock and she's being so dramatic about it! I bet she's not even sick.
[VIOLIN PLAYING.]
Ah, just as I'd suspected.
[LICKS.]
Boo-berry! [COUGHING.]
Chicken pock! MAVIS: Ooh! Look who ordered a deluxe afternoon nap from room service! This isn't a sleeping casket, it's a rejuvenating casket.
- So, what's it do? - If you must know, it keeps my bones from turning to dust.
A thousand years can really take it's toll on a vampire.
- You'll see soon enough.
- Oh, right.
And since Diane has [YELLS.]
Flown the coop! who's going to sit for an hour and guard my casket now? Um, not to brag, but doing things for an hour is kinda my thing.
- No one thinks that's a brag.
- I'm awesome at, but not limited to, waiting for one hour dry-cleaning, taking one hour lunch breaks, listing things I can do in an hour in an hour.
[SIGHING.]
Very well.
I shall put my faith in this very specific and seemingly insignificant skill of yours.
But, I am not to be disturbed no matter the situation.
And if I awake with bones of dust, I will haunt your soul forever! [GULPING.]
Self-combusts.
Gotcha.
[TICKING.]
Stuck in this room for one hour [MUSIC.]
Not gonna be bored whatsoever! One hour, one hour, one hour, yeah! [JOINTS CRACKING.]
Ah-ha! Just as I thought, this rug measures three and a half me's.
Boom drac-a-lacka! [CLEARING THROAT.]
"101 Ways to Count to Sixty: One-Transylvania, two-Transylvania, three-Transylvania" [SLURPING.]
Ah Ah! That was only two minutes?! Ugh! And now, I gotta go to the bathroom.
How am I gonna do that if I can't leave the room? Uh Um Nah, better not.
Maybe I can hold it for 57 and a half minutes?! Guard this casket with your life! [SHUDDERING.]
Okay, I'll just be a minute.
What could go wrong in one minute? Stay.
Stay, casket.
Good casket.
Everything the chicken touched is contaminated.
It's all gotta go! This, this, this.
Especially this.
Uh, the painting's contagious? No, but it'll really brighten up my waiting room.
[GASPING.]
What happened? [CAMERA CLICKS.]
Ah! Where is everything? Where's the casket?! Check these out.
MAVIS: What? No.
[GASPING.]
The casket is out with the trash? You could've led with that! Yeah, but I look super cute in the cooking one.
True.
We're gonna drive, drive, drive Until you sleep, sleep, sleep! Wait a sec, hold the mayo! [TIRES SCREECHING.]
[SCREAMING EXCITEDLY.]
Do you know what this is? It's an antique bread box.
Oh! I know your mother said no more junk, but this isn't junk.
[TIRES SCREECHING.]
Tell me Donald Cartright, a known human, didn't just drive off with Aunt Lydia, a known human-hater.
Donald Cartwright, a known human, didn't just drive off with Aunt Lydia, a known human-hater.
- You're just saying that! - Because you told me to.
I have 45 minutes to get her back or I'm gonna self-combust! [HIGH-PITCH SCREAM.]
[SCREAMING ECHOING.]
Ah! I should've known Kitty would never let me keep you in the house.
I think she's jealous of the jazzy wheels I added.
She'd kill for a pair of wheels like that! Hmm What do you think we should do with it? [COOING.]
You think it'd be a nice ice box? [GIGGLING.]
Okay! Give daddy a hand, sweetie! [GIGGLING.]
Or a toolbox! Hmm? [BOTH LAUGHING.]
[COOING.]
Yes! We could cut it up into teeny-tiny flower planters! Mommy loves miniatures! BRB with an axe! Don't go anywhere! Ha-ha! As if.
As if you would! I'll be right back! Cut her in to teeny tiny pieces? [GASPING.]
This is serious.
Look! He put wheels on it! [GASPING.]
Pedro, assume the position! [LAUGHING.]
I put the "fly" in "fishing.
" [GRUNTS.]
Whee! - [GRUNTS.]
Hook it.
- Nice cast! MAVIS: We got a live one! [ALL SCREAMING.]
- Pedro, don't let go of the casket! - That's not a problem! [ALL STRAINING.]
Uh-oh.
Pedro, let go of the casket! [SCREAMING.]
[SCREAMING.]
Ha-ha! And that's how Mumgee jumping is done! [GRUNTS AND LAUGHS.]
- [PANTS.]
I can't look.
- Hey! Not looking is my thing.
Maybe the casket fell into a roofless pillow factory! - We don't know.
- Nope.
Not unless pillow factories look like flimsy tree branches.
MAVIS: [GASPING.]
It's safe! - Okay, nobody move a muscle.
- Ah! Bee! [EXCLAIMING.]
Oh! Oh! [SCREAMING.]
[THUD.]
[SCREAMING.]
Oh, I see the problem.
What you shoulda said was, "Nobody swat a bee, dive over the cliff, and land on the casket.
" MAVIS: Come on! [GRUNTS.]
I'm back! Box? Where are you, buddy? Hello? Now here's a little ditty 'bout a casket on the loose [MUSIC.]
Speedin' like a train, cargo in caboose 28 minutes said the number on the clock Till Mavis goes bye-bye, tick-tock-tick-tock Babysit a casket was all she had'ta do, jeez Hey, what's chasing you kids, is that Bees! Why is it always bees? [SCREAMING.]
[ROARS.]
[CHITTERING.]
Come on, pillow factory! Didn't see that coming, what an unexpected twist Is it curtains for the kids? Will they cease to exist? [ALL SCREAMING.]
[STUTTERS.]
C-Can we take the long way home? [GASPING.]
Uh, yeah, sure! We've got loads of time.
We can totally take the long way.
Yes! [BOTH GRUNTING.]
[HANK SCREAMING.]
One minute! [GASPING.]
[ALL SCREAMING.]
- PEDRO: Ha-ha! - Nobody look! [CLUCKING.]
[CLUCKING.]
A flying casket? Your fever must be getting worse.
More ice! [CLUCKING.]
Hank, I need to see to steer! Ah! Flip-flop casket roll! Now! [ALL STRAINING.]
Ha-ha! How low can we go? Just low enough! - HANK: Uh slow down! - This thing doesn't come with brakes.
[HANK SCREAMING.]
I got this! [ALL GRUNTING.]
Whee! - [LAUGHING.]
Look at that! - Whee! [GASPS.]
And just in time! [ALL STRAINING.]
ALL: Three, two, one.
[BELL DINGING.]
[SIGHS IN RELIEF.]
I feel great! But you look terrible, child.
How taxing can it be to just watch something? You have no idea.
What did I tell ya, huh? Safe and sound.
Mavis the casket-watcher to the rescue.
I suppose I underestimated your ability to sit and stare at something.
What happened to my room?! Um, ah, well, ah, all you said was guard the casket with your life and, ah, believe me, we did.
[STAMMERING.]
Everything Diane touched had to be thrown out moved out to my office for Observation.
Ah, well, at least that Spiteful chicken! didn't get her claws on my casket.
Toss the casket.
And the bird! [CLUCKS.]
[STRAINING.]
Phew! Who knew watching a rejuvenation casket for an hour could make you so tired? [MUSIC.]
[CLUCKING.]
Gah! There she is! [BRAKES SQUEALING.]
[SCREAMING HAPPILY.]
I can't believe it! [LAUGHING.]
I knew you'd find your way back to me.
I just knew it! Thank you, pillow factory!