Kevin (Probably) Saves the World (2017) s01e09 Episode Script
Probably
1 Previously on "Kevin (Probably) Saves the World" - I'm a messenger from God.
- Oh, good.
I'm here to guide and protect you.
The only job you have in life is to build up your spiritual powers through acts of kindness and selflessness.
God is gonna show you how to find the other righteous.
And there was a mariachi band? I know where we'll find the first righteous! Laos? Laos.
When are you gonna ask Amy out? - What do you think? - No.
If you were to ask me out, I would say "Yes.
" Hi.
I'm a good friend of Kevin's.
My name is Dave.
Since when can you reveal yourself? Since forever.
Dave's the one who told the rest of us not to listen to you.
She's saying you'll find a whole new generation of the righteous.
I think there aren't anymore.
So which one of us is right? I don't know.
KEVIN: I can't believe we're here! Didn't think there'd be so many people.
You're alright.
You know who you're looking for.
[GASPS.]
Red coat, red hat There.
Wait.
Where'd he go? Kevin? Kevin! - I found him.
This way.
- Ohh.
That's him.
[CHUCKLES.]
This is it.
I can't I can't believe it.
I can.
I-I don't understand.
Look over there.
No.
It didn't work.
You were wrong.
You did this, Yvette.
This is all your fault.
Kevin! No! Ohh! [GASPS.]
Dashing through the snow In a one-horse open sleigh - O'er the fields we go - Hey! When did you get here? Um, a-about 7:30, I guess.
Oh, I mean Uh, uh, yeah.
That's great.
To To see ya.
Well, maybe it was closer to 8:00.
Oh.
Sure.
Okay.
Jingle all the way - Good morning.
- Hey.
I found a flight to Laos for $2,000.
Oh, good, good.
Good.
No, not good.
Do you have $2,000? Hold on.
Hold on! 7:45! That's it! - Oh.
- That's the exact time of my arrival! We're still talking.
Cool.
Ah! Laos! [SPEAKING LAO.]
Wait.
What is happening? Remember Tammy? Her parents were from Laos.
They didn't speak a word of English.
They loved me.
Wow! That Wow.
You Sp Okay.
Are you planning a trip? Oh.
Yeah.
I'm trying to.
All I know is that I have to go to the, um, Nyindi Hotel, which I found out is in, uh, Luang Prabang? [CHUCKLES.]
I've always dreamed of going to Laos.
The furthest I've been outside Texas is Austin, which Is in Texas.
Yeah, well, I don't even know how I'll afford the plane ticket, which, uh Oh, actually, I still owe you for breakfast.
Oh.
No.
I was just coming over to tell you, you're all set.
That dude paid your bill.
- Hey, Sam! - You didn't need to do that! No, no.
No arguments.
You gave me a new lease on life.
I gave you a breakfast burrito.
- So now we're even.
- Totally.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Hey, uh, where you going? Mmm.
Uh, Laos, if I can afford the plane ticket.
Well [SCOFFS.]
Let's get you a ticket.
- When do you want to go? - Oh, no! You don't need to No! Listen, when I was a salesman, I traveled all the time.
I racked up a butt-ton of airline miles.
That's a lot of miles.
You should use the miles before they expire.
- Really? - Yes! - Thank you.
- Yeah.
Uh, you wouldn't have enough miles for two, would you? Just hear those sleigh bells jingling Ring-ting, a-tingling, too Ring-a-ling, a-ling, Ding, dong, ding Come on, it's lovely weather For a sleigh ride together with you Ring-a-ling, a-ling, Ding, dong, ding - Perfect spot.
- Here? - Yes! - Yep.
Ring-a-ling, a-ling, Ding, dong, ding - Up you go! - Alright.
Here we go.
It's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you We're gonna need to get a little bit over there.
Ring-a-ling, a-ling, Ding, dong, ding Ring-a-ling, a-ling, Ding, dong, ding Ring-a-ling, a-ling, Ding, dong, ding Ring-a-ling, a-ling, Ding, dong, ding Our cheeks are nice and rosy, and comfy and cozy are we Ring-a-ling, a-ling, Ding, dong, ding We're snuggled up together Like two birds of a feather would be Ring-a-ling, a-ling, Ding, dong, ding Let's take this road before us and sing a chorus or two Okay.
Alright.
One, two, three, go! It's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you Ring-a-ling, a-ling, Ding, dong, ding Oh, my God! Ahh.
You are just like Mom.
Nobody loved Christmas like her.
No.
I stopped at 10,000 lights.
I thought that was a good threshold between classy and insane.
I mean, is it, though? [CHUCKLES.]
We didn't really do Christmas last year.
It was too close to losing Jon.
I don't know.
It just felt like the right time.
I was ready.
- Well, it looks awesome.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Thank you.
There's still more decorating to do.
We're gonna put up the Christmas tree tonight.
Oh! Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about Uh, well.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
I have to go out of town, um, tonight.
A little little trip with Tyler, actually.
Oh.
Okay.
Where? Uh, it's Uh, it's Laos.
To To Laos, the country of of Laos.
Well, Tammy's family always did like Tyler more than they like her, so [GASPS.]
Yeah.
Exactly.
That's why That's why we're going.
You better be back by Christmas.
Oh, y I promise.
With Laos presents.
Laotian.
Lotion? How do you say that? Forget it.
I'll tell you when I get back.
Ooh-ooh! Very unfortunate.
I was going for serial-killer mugshot, so success.
Success, indeed.
Car's coming soon.
Um, are you coming on the plane or are you just magic traveling there? Your sister sure loves Christmas.
Oh.
S-Since she was a kid, she goes all-out.
M-Maybe [CLEARS THROAT.]
Maybe the universe wants you to stay here, help help her decorate.
What? What are you talking about? Everything is saying go to Laos.
We put the puzzle together.
I know, but maybe we delay it, just Just a bit.
Build up your spiritual power.
I feel pretty powerful now.
I mean, what more could I learn? I mean, can you read minds? Is that something I'll be able to do?! - [GASPS.]
- Well no.
- Dang it! - But Look.
I worry I worry that you're just not ready.
We're We're not ready.
We are ready.
We're so ready.
Sam bought me a plane ticket.
Tyler knows the language.
I have the name of the hotel.
I mean, the universe is practically shouting at me.
And for the first time, I know exactly what to do.
FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Ladies and gentlemen, the captain has turned on the "fasten seat belt" sign.
Flight attendants, please be seated.
[SPEAKING LAO.]
"Where is the toilet?" Somewhere down there is our next righteous soul.
And we're gonna find him.
I hope so.
[SPEAKING LAO.]
"My companion has been kidnapped.
" [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS.]
[GROANS.]
[SPEAKING LAO.]
He's so awesome, man.
He wants me to be in his wedding.
I am not surprised by that at all.
Ohh! Ooh.
My God! This place is nice.
[CHUCKLES.]
It's not bad.
Uh, hello.
Just checking in.
Reservation is under "Kevin Finn.
" Two N's.
- Welcome, Mr.
Finn.
One moment.
- Thank you.
I'm not leaving this country 'til I try a tarantula.
That sounds awful, but okay.
I'm so sorry, Mr.
Finn.
I don't have a reservation under that name.
Could it be under a different name? Uh, no, but, um, that's I have my confirmation right here.
See? Kevin Finn.
"2018.
" You made your reservation for next year.
Ohh no.
[CHUCKLES.]
Um, please tell me that you have a-a room f-for us? I'm sorry, Mr.
Finn.
Our hotel is booked to capacity.
No.
What? Kevin?! Ben! Wait What are [GRUNTING.]
What are you doing here?! I'm on my honeymoon! Y-You are? Well, I mean, it was supposed to be our honeymoon.
Right.
But since Deb and I split up and the trip was already paid for, I decided to come by myself.
- Alright! - A "me-moon"! Nice! Oh.
This is, uh, Tyler.
Tyler, Ben.
I cannot believe that I ran into you.
In Laos.
Are you guys staying at this hotel? Uh, we had a little, uh, reservation snafu.
We're working on it.
Oh, my God.
My suite is humongous.
Stay with me.
Oh, no, w-we don't want to interrupt your me-moon.
It's You're staying.
Let's go.
[LAUGHS.]
Are y - So fancy! - [LAUGHS.]
BEN: It's good, right? The bathroom is sick Heated toilet seats.
- Stop it.
- I can't.
[KEVIN LAUGHS.]
Ben, this is so nice of you.
Thanks.
You kidding me? You saved my life, man.
I was married to someone who didn't love me.
I deserve better.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- I have never seen so many soaps.
I love this place! Okay, you guys make yourselves at home.
- I'm gonna get a quick workout in.
- Alright.
[CHUCKLES.]
Ohh! Ohh.
I think I know this tiger.
BEN: Oh, it's cool, right? It's supposed to be the best tour in town.
Going tomorrow morning.
Hey, you guys should come.
Ye Count us in! MAN ON TV: Nowhere in the world will you find a destination that is culturally Mmm.
- and spiritually satisfying - What are you doing? Well, I had a bath Used the heated toilet.
Uh, fun fact not as great as you might think.
And now I'm relaxing with some filmed entertainment.
Which is not of an adult nature, because they don't have that at this hotel.
Because I checked.
You came all this way just to Just to sit here? If there's a righteous soul out there, go find it! I will.
Tomorrow, on the tour.
Look.
Look at the pictures in this brochure.
Half of them are from visions that I've had.
I am exactly where the universe wants me to be.
The universe wants you in a hotel suite watching not-porn? No money for tickets? Sam gives me miles.
Screw up the hotel reservation? Oh, Ben has a suite at the exact same hotel.
The universe has Kevin-proofed itself.
I can't fail.
Why do you go all-out decorating your house for Christmas? You live in the middle of nowhere.
I mean, no one sees it.
- Only one person matters.
- Who? Santa! Right.
Santa.
She gets the weather forecast from the National Weather Service.
Yes, I do, to accurately predict the sleigh trajectory on our roof.
Hmm.
And I have updated my formula to include the wind gusts that are to be expected.
No, no, no.
No No math, please.
- No math.
- Okay.
- Uh, Amy? Hey! - Iggy! - Hi.
- Hello.
[LAUGHS.]
- You're here! - I'm here.
The Um, w-well, hi.
It's good to see you.
You too.
This is Reese, my my This is my daughter, Reese.
- Hi.
- Yeah.
Oh.
Hi.
Uh, your mom has told me a lot about you.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- [CLEARS THROAT.]
Oh, um, this is Nate.
This is my friend Nate.
He's helping me with a project.
For Santa.
For the house.
For Christmas! Hi.
How are you? - Good to meet you, man.
- You too.
So, uh, listen, I'm heading out of town for the holidays.
Yeah.
Thought maybe we could get together if you're free or? - Yeah.
- Yeah? Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
That sounds That sounds great.
Uh, excuse me.
I'm gonna use the restroom, let you guys talk.
Okay.
Reese, did you, uh, need to go to the restroom? No.
Okay.
Okay, great.
Okay.
It's Christmas [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS.]
Food on sticks, guys! That is the perfect way to eat.
This is exactly like I remember it.
- It's amazing.
- You've been here? - I-I saw a documentary.
- Oh.
About this market.
Come on.
Bus leaves in five.
Hmm.
Here you go.
Three all-day passes.
- Three? - Yeah.
Where's Tyler? [SIGHS.]
Tyler.
Um Okay.
Go on.
I'll get him.
- Okay.
Save you seats.
- Alright.
Tyler! Ty! [GRUNTS.]
Sorry.
Excuse me.
Oh! Sorry.
I'm so sorry.
- Thank you.
- No problem.
You a tourist? You need something? I can get you anything.
No.
I'm I'm good.
Thanks.
Tyler! Place to eat? I know the best noodles in town.
Uh, money changer? Finest silk? Anything! I'm just looking for a friend.
I can get you a friend.
No, no.
No.
Just no, thank you.
- Tyler! - Tyler! I really, really don't need your help, okay? Okay, boss.
Tyler! Aah! [WHIMPERS.]
Hey, man! Think I can get this on carry-on? Where the hell did you get that? Oh, they're all over the place.
It's for the Laos new year! Oh! And snacks.
They're water beetles.
They look gross, but they taste gross, too.
Ew.
Oh, the bus! The bus! No, no, no, no! No! Wait! Wait! [SIGHS.]
Oh, man.
I'm sorry, buddy.
This is my fault.
- It Ohh.
- [CRUNCH.]
Wow! That does not get better.
We need to get on that bus.
[BRAKES SQUEAL.]
You need a ride? [SIGHS.]
KEVIN: Where is the bus? I don't see it.
Don't worry.
Those tour buses always stop at the same sites.
We'll catch them at the next stop.
Gum? - Oh.
Thanks.
- $4 a stick.
Worth it.
- Hey, no, no, no.
Whoa.
- Hey, hey! We're already paying you a lot of money to catch that tour bus, which you are failing at.
Why are you gouging us? I have a baby on the way any day now, man.
You have any idea how much that's gonna cost me? You have kids? Not yet.
But I plan on having a massive family one day.
Three boys, two girls.
Juan's the oldest.
Then Barbara the bookish one.
Mark's the middle kid.
We got to keep an eye on him.
Alison's next.
Then little Teddy, our youngest.
[CHUCKLES.]
That scamp.
I haven't thought about it as much as him.
Well, think hard before you do it.
Food, clothes, school.
I'm trying everything I can.
Me and my wife are barely staying ahead on rent as it is.
Well, there's plenty more of this if you catch up with that bus.
I got you, baby.
[GEARS GRINDING.]
- What is that? - Oh, no.
- What's happening? - No, no, no, no, no.
[CREAKING.]
[HISSING.]
[TYLER GROANS.]
- Minor setback.
- Ahh.
We'll catch up with the bus at the next stop.
Well, what do we do? This is a tourist spot.
Be a tourist.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS.]
Still think the universe has got your back? Yeah, I mean, we'll We'll be on the road as soon as Vong gets the car fixed.
Which should be Soon.
I could do it.
I could, um I could start that car.
Yeah, definitely you could do that.
I [SIGHS.]
I don't interfere because it's the height of hubris to circumvent the will of the universe, the will of God, but I could do it.
It's It's an emergency, right? Right.
If you If you tell me to do it, I will.
Um Don't fix the car.
Don't do a thing.
Why? [CHUCKLES.]
That's from my vision.
That car broke down for a reason.
We're here for a reason! How can you be sure? I've trusted you, your your lessons, your guidance for this whole ride.
And it's gotten us here.
Can you just trust me now? [CLINKING.]
So, what do you, um What do you think of Iggy? Mom, I'm not talking about this.
- Wha - It's weird.
It's not weird.
Come on.
Give me somethin'.
He seems nice, I guess.
Hm.
Nate didn't seem to like him.
Couldn't get out of there quick enough.
That was strange, huh? Yeah.
Am I crazy? Was I the only one that noticed that? What? Nate likes you.
Okay? That's why he was acting stupid.
Uh.
Uh.
[CHUCKLES.]
Wha Uh, how do you even know this? [EXHALES DEEPLY.]
Because He he wanted to know if I was okay if h-he asked you out.
Well, what did you say? No.
Reese.
Honey, you know that I'm gonna always love your dad.
Mom, that's not why.
Well, then why then? Because you're not ready.
I'm ready.
I'm I'm very ready.
Why would you say that I wasn't ready? Because of that.
You haven't taken it off since Dad died.
[ENGINE SPUTTERS.]
Okay! Cut it! Sorry, guys.
It's not happening.
We can walk to town, and I'll get a tow to come back for the car.
[SIGHS.]
Here's your money back.
Oh, no, Vong.
I'm I'm I'm good.
I'm not taking it.
I-I-I like it here.
I want to I want to stay for a little bit.
Well, I'm going.
Don't waste your time here, Kevin.
You You need to try and find the soul another way.
- [TRUNK CLOSES.]
- You can stay or come.
Up to you.
It's you! [LAUGHS EXCITEDLY.]
- What? - Kevin, wait.
I This is it.
VONG: What What What's happening? - Hey, man.
- Hey.
- What's up? - Well, I don't know.
Did Did you feel anything? No.
Huh.
[CHUCKLES.]
Uh, okay.
Can I get one of those? - That's good stuff.
- [LAUGHS.]
Something should happen when I anoint someone, right? I mean, I-I should have felt something.
I would think so.
What the hell is going on? I What is the universe trying to tell me? I don't think the universe was talking to you.
That That message was meant for me.
You? What's the universe trying to tell you? That That I'm wrong.
That That there are no other righteous souls.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]
What? Okay.
Let's just take a deep breath and strategize.
Strategize what? Um, our next move? Kevin, there are no other righteous.
[SIGHS.]
How do you know that? Because we just saw it.
This was all for nothing.
I convinced 35 celestial beings to give up paradise for a fool's errand! I ruined their lives! I ruined your life.
- No, you didn't.
- Kevin.
You didn't.
Go home.
Go back to your family.
What are you gonna do? I don't know.
I'm still righteous, right? I mean, you You were right about that.
Yes.
You're the only one left.
Well, maybe I'm enough.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS.]
[WOMAN SPEAKING LAO.]
[SPEAKING LAO.]
Oh, I What is it? [SPEAKING LAO.]
- Ahh.
- Mmm! Oh, my God! This is the most delicious Mystery food I've ever tasted! [LAUGHS.]
Mmm! You are a weird man.
[LAUGHS.]
Yeah.
But a good man.
Thank you.
I-I try.
Ohh! Oh.
[SPEAKING LAO.]
[CELLPHONE CLICKING, CHIMING.]
Thank you very much.
Hey.
How's the car? Waiting for the tow truck.
After that, I don't know what to do.
Well, maybe I could help.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Can I get you anything else? No, I'm I'm fine.
Thanks.
TYLER: Hey! We got the same drink! Mind if I join you? Oh, I-I don't think I'd be good company right now.
That's not possible.
What's got you down? Work problems.
Hm.
That bad? Bad enough that I threw in the towel and now here I am.
Well, I'm glad you're here.
It's always nice to meet another American.
Oh.
[COUGHS.]
Oh.
Um, I'm not from there.
Ah.
Canadian, eh? [CHUCKLES.]
Sure.
Rad.
I love poutine.
Are you always this happy? Well, I'm drinking a fruity cocktail, sitting next to a beautiful lady.
Why wouldn't I be happy? Oh, hey, just share mine.
Thank you, Betty.
Appreciate you.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh! - Nate.
Hi.
- Hey.
Hey.
Uh, just here for a cup of coffee.
Me.
I am.
- You have yours.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- I have an extra if you That guy [CLEARS THROAT.]
that you met, he's, um, a professor that I went out on a date with.
A-A da date.
Oh.
Yeah, okay.
But Um But I realized that, um, I'm just not ready to date yet, so It's cool, right? That I-I realized that with him, and, you know, not while I was out on a date with another person.
Yeah, yeah, I know exactly how you feel.
You know, post-divorce, who wants to hop into something? That's why it's important to have friends.
Right.
- To get you through all the rough patches.
- Yes! So true.
- Right.
True, true, true.
So true.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Okay, well, thank you.
Um Thanks for making that a lot less awkward than I tried to make it.
- You're welcome.
- Okay.
Ah, well, you know what? I will take you up on that extra cup of coffee, so thank you.
Uh, that one's creamer.
Oh, my gosh.
Yeah.
That is creamer.
Ooh! - [LAUGHS.]
- It's very creamy.
- I am so sorry.
- And not at all what I expected.
No.
I shouldn't have chugged it like that.
That's the one you want.
My bad.
[LAUGHS.]
I'm so sorry.
This is the third time this month that car broke down.
The repairs are costing more than what the car is worth.
It's gonna be okay.
We'll figure it out.
I can't even take care of myself.
How can I be responsible for another life? Feels like the weight of the whole world is on your shoulders? Yes.
Yeah, I-I-I get that.
Uh, in In my, um, job, there is a ton of pressure.
But I've had to learn to ignore the fact that everything will fall apart if I fail.
How can you do that when everything is so overwhelming? Well, uh, by taking it just one step at a time and and hoping that it makes a difference in the end.
Y-You focus on the things that you can control because everything else is just gonna happen no matter what you do.
I don't know.
It It helps me.
Thanks.
Sound like you have a very important job.
Oh.
[CHUCKLES.]
What do you do? Uh, I-I'm a, uh, uh Senator.
Wow! - [CELLPHONE RINGS.]
- Oh.
It's my wife.
Hello? [SPEAKING LAO.]
[CELLPHONE LOCKS.]
My wife is in labor.
I need to get home now! Yep.
So the Postmates guy shows up, and I notice he'd eaten half my bag of grapes.
Oh, so rude! What'd you do? Well, we bonded over how delicious grapes were, and then I gave him the rest of the bag for the ride home.
[MAN SPEAKING LAO.]
I think he just said this is it.
- [MARIACHI BAND PLAYS SLOW SONG.]
- Would you care to dance? Sure.
That'd be nice.
Are you feeling any better? For now.
But as soon as the song is over and reality sets in, I'm gonna I'm gonna want to fade away and disappear.
Oh, that's not how the universe works, though.
Oh.
Well, how does the universe work? In In your opinion? There's no disappearing.
The world's too small.
Friends will always find you when you need them.
I mean, look at us.
Who would think that an American and a Canadian would be dancing to a mariachi band in Laos? It's amazing.
Wait.
Wha That's a mariachi band?! Do you want to go over there and look? Come on.
Hi.
Excuse me, sir.
We need a taxi right away.
- It's an emergency.
- Kevin.
I can't talk right now, really.
Oh, great! Vong! Taxi! No! Oh, sir, please! We need it! Kevin, listen to me! Don't worry, Vong.
We'll get a taxi.
We'll get a taxi.
We're gonna need one more taxi.
- Kevin! - Please! - Hey.
What's going on? - Tyler, Vong's wife is in labor, and we need a ride.
- Can you - Uh, taxi! Kevin.
Yvette, I really need to concentrate right now! [TIRES SCREECH.]
What was that? Mariachi.
Mariachi?! Mariachi! You still think this was all for nothing? Hmnh! [GASPS.]
Uh, can you guys give us a ride? AMY: Oh, my God.
What's going on? I hope that's nothing bad.
Maybe Mrs.
Glubo forgot to put on clothes again.
Reese.
What? That happened.
She is in a home now.
AMY: Is that Nate? AMY: What happened? Maybe there was a gas leak in the neighborhood.
Oh, my God.
Really? Or maybe it was a Christmas travesty no one was seeing Santa's landing pad.
Did you Did you do all this so people would pass by my house? Who knows.
Well, except Santa.
He knows everything.
And, uh, maybe you should get inside, you know, in case the gas leak spreads.
[CHUCKLES.]
KEVIN: It is crazy how things work out.
You have no clue.
Are you okay, Ty? Okay? I'm more okay than I've ever been.
I met the most amazing woman.
Really? Where? The hotel bar.
It was, like, everything dimmed except for her across the room.
Well, did you t-talk to her? We talked.
- Aww! - We danced.
For a brief moment, we just were.
Ohh! Did you get her number? I didn't even get her name.
Well, maybe we can find her.
What'd she What'd she look like? [SIGHS.]
Beautiful brown eyes.
Flawless brown skin.
Her hair was braided in a ring like a halo.
Huh.
Wow.
Um, what was she wearing? She was wearing this beautiful shirt.
It was the color of a beautiful orange bird.
Red dangling earrings made out of this, like, poofy tassel.
I met an angel, Kev.
[BRAKES SQUEAL.]
Mm-hmm.
And I don't know what to do.
Hey! We're here! VONG: Vatsana! Vatsana! Vatsana! Vatsana! [SPEAKING LAO.]
[SPEAKING LAO.]
She said she called ambulance an hour ago.
[VATSANA SCREAMING.]
[SPEAKING LAO.]
She thinks she's gonna have the baby now! - Wha - What do I do?! Uh, just keep talking to her.
Uh, you'll talk us through this, right? - Don't look at me.
- What? This is what the universe wants.
What if I mess up? Hey, Kev, can I be of assistance? You know how to deliver a baby? LUCILLE: Not him, numb-nuts.
Me! - Lucille's a midwife.
- What? Now, do you need me to describe the female anatomy, or can we get to work? Hi, Lucille.
It's nice to see you.
[BREATHING RHYTHMICALLY.]
LUCILLE: You're doing great, sweetie.
Just keep breathing.
I'm gonna help your husband with the baby.
That's amazing! You're amazing! Knock off the back slapping until I know you idiots haven't crapped the bed on this! - Now let's get down to business.
- Okay.
People often call childbirth the miracle of life, but to actually witness it, it's truly miraculous.
So you gonna point me toward the action or what?! Fine.
It's the miracle of life.
It's the miracle of life.
It's the miracle of life.
Ohh.
Crap! This baby's coming in fast and hard! - O-Okay.
What do I do?! - [MOANING LOUDLY.]
Catch the baby, idiot! - You got this, Vong.
- Ohh.
[SCREAMING.]
[BABY CRIES.]
- Ohh! - It's a girl! She's a girl! [MARIACHI BAND PLAYING UP-TEMPO MUSIC.]
Can you believe that just happened? YVETTE: Hmm.
[CHUCKLES.]
We delivered a baby.
[CHUCKLES.]
Hey.
I-I-I know we didn't accomplish what we set out to do, but But we did something amazing today.
Maybe this is the universe's way of saying that it It's not just about finding the righteous.
It's It's about Being good and Doing the right thing.
And not because I-I had to.
But because I I w I wanted to.
I believe you're right.
Would you like to meet Laya? Laya? Yeah.
[LAYA FUSSES.]
"Beautiful one.
" Hi, beautiful one! [TWINKLING.]
[OVERLAPPING VOICES.]
FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Ladies and gentlemen, the captain has turned on the "fasten seat belt" sign.
Please return to your seats and keep your seat belts fastened.
Oh, well, hey there, Sleeping Beauty.
- What? - You knocked out hard! Can't blame you, though.
How did I get here? Dude.
How indeed.
We tore Laos up.
I'm surprised we survived to catch the flight home.
Wait.
Tyler, what are you talking about? The last thing I remember was The baby.
Yeah, after you delivered that baby, you were, like, powered up.
You wanted to experience everything.
- Everything? What d - [CELLPHONE UNLOCKS.]
Tha We Um, a-are those marks from a tiger? You, sir, are a badass.
[WINCES.]
Ah, those little guys tickled something fierce.
[CHUCKLES.]
W-What's that? That's where I met my Earth Angel and had the most amazing night of my life.
So this mystery woman Did she speak authoritatively like she knew all the answers and you were, like, an idiot? Nah.
This was love.
I can tell because it hurts so much to be without her.
But I kind of love how much it hurts.
Makes me feel alive.
Like, there's meaning to life, you know? Yeah.
Yes, I do.
That's why I want to document this.
Show our grandchildren.
What makes you think you'll ever see her again? Hm.
The universe sent me an angel, Kev.
The universe doesn't make mistakes.
I'll see her again.
A frosty Christmas Eve When the stars were shining I traveled for the home Where westward falls the hill And for many, many a village - In the darkness - More pretzels? Just because something is free doesn't mean stuff your face.
Did you really slow-dance with Tyler to a mariachi band in Laos? You have to tell me.
Do I look like I have time for casual meetups in East Asia? Does that even sound like me? - No, I guess not.
- Okay.
Wait.
You didn't answer the question.
You need to forget this foolishness and get your mind back in the game.
Fine.
But only because I was already thinking about Vong's baby anyway.
Heard music in the fields Do you think she'll be alright? She's so helpless.
She'll be fine.
Trust me.
Pretty optimistic for somebody who had lost all hope.
Because I now know something I didn't know before.
What you do matters.
The The smallest act of kindness, the The simplest expression of love It it grows.
It reverberates through the world [LAYA FUSSES.]
through the universe.
And it's a light that's more powerful than any force of darkness.
By the riches of the times - I know now - Open it.
more than I've ever known before - [LAUGHS.]
- that - [REESE SQUEALS.]
- the world is good.
Ooh, they're delicious.
Did you seriously just eat that? - They're so good.
A little crunchy.
- No!
- Oh, good.
I'm here to guide and protect you.
The only job you have in life is to build up your spiritual powers through acts of kindness and selflessness.
God is gonna show you how to find the other righteous.
And there was a mariachi band? I know where we'll find the first righteous! Laos? Laos.
When are you gonna ask Amy out? - What do you think? - No.
If you were to ask me out, I would say "Yes.
" Hi.
I'm a good friend of Kevin's.
My name is Dave.
Since when can you reveal yourself? Since forever.
Dave's the one who told the rest of us not to listen to you.
She's saying you'll find a whole new generation of the righteous.
I think there aren't anymore.
So which one of us is right? I don't know.
KEVIN: I can't believe we're here! Didn't think there'd be so many people.
You're alright.
You know who you're looking for.
[GASPS.]
Red coat, red hat There.
Wait.
Where'd he go? Kevin? Kevin! - I found him.
This way.
- Ohh.
That's him.
[CHUCKLES.]
This is it.
I can't I can't believe it.
I can.
I-I don't understand.
Look over there.
No.
It didn't work.
You were wrong.
You did this, Yvette.
This is all your fault.
Kevin! No! Ohh! [GASPS.]
Dashing through the snow In a one-horse open sleigh - O'er the fields we go - Hey! When did you get here? Um, a-about 7:30, I guess.
Oh, I mean Uh, uh, yeah.
That's great.
To To see ya.
Well, maybe it was closer to 8:00.
Oh.
Sure.
Okay.
Jingle all the way - Good morning.
- Hey.
I found a flight to Laos for $2,000.
Oh, good, good.
Good.
No, not good.
Do you have $2,000? Hold on.
Hold on! 7:45! That's it! - Oh.
- That's the exact time of my arrival! We're still talking.
Cool.
Ah! Laos! [SPEAKING LAO.]
Wait.
What is happening? Remember Tammy? Her parents were from Laos.
They didn't speak a word of English.
They loved me.
Wow! That Wow.
You Sp Okay.
Are you planning a trip? Oh.
Yeah.
I'm trying to.
All I know is that I have to go to the, um, Nyindi Hotel, which I found out is in, uh, Luang Prabang? [CHUCKLES.]
I've always dreamed of going to Laos.
The furthest I've been outside Texas is Austin, which Is in Texas.
Yeah, well, I don't even know how I'll afford the plane ticket, which, uh Oh, actually, I still owe you for breakfast.
Oh.
No.
I was just coming over to tell you, you're all set.
That dude paid your bill.
- Hey, Sam! - You didn't need to do that! No, no.
No arguments.
You gave me a new lease on life.
I gave you a breakfast burrito.
- So now we're even.
- Totally.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Hey, uh, where you going? Mmm.
Uh, Laos, if I can afford the plane ticket.
Well [SCOFFS.]
Let's get you a ticket.
- When do you want to go? - Oh, no! You don't need to No! Listen, when I was a salesman, I traveled all the time.
I racked up a butt-ton of airline miles.
That's a lot of miles.
You should use the miles before they expire.
- Really? - Yes! - Thank you.
- Yeah.
Uh, you wouldn't have enough miles for two, would you? Just hear those sleigh bells jingling Ring-ting, a-tingling, too Ring-a-ling, a-ling, Ding, dong, ding Come on, it's lovely weather For a sleigh ride together with you Ring-a-ling, a-ling, Ding, dong, ding - Perfect spot.
- Here? - Yes! - Yep.
Ring-a-ling, a-ling, Ding, dong, ding - Up you go! - Alright.
Here we go.
It's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you We're gonna need to get a little bit over there.
Ring-a-ling, a-ling, Ding, dong, ding Ring-a-ling, a-ling, Ding, dong, ding Ring-a-ling, a-ling, Ding, dong, ding Ring-a-ling, a-ling, Ding, dong, ding Our cheeks are nice and rosy, and comfy and cozy are we Ring-a-ling, a-ling, Ding, dong, ding We're snuggled up together Like two birds of a feather would be Ring-a-ling, a-ling, Ding, dong, ding Let's take this road before us and sing a chorus or two Okay.
Alright.
One, two, three, go! It's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you Ring-a-ling, a-ling, Ding, dong, ding Oh, my God! Ahh.
You are just like Mom.
Nobody loved Christmas like her.
No.
I stopped at 10,000 lights.
I thought that was a good threshold between classy and insane.
I mean, is it, though? [CHUCKLES.]
We didn't really do Christmas last year.
It was too close to losing Jon.
I don't know.
It just felt like the right time.
I was ready.
- Well, it looks awesome.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Thank you.
There's still more decorating to do.
We're gonna put up the Christmas tree tonight.
Oh! Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about Uh, well.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
I have to go out of town, um, tonight.
A little little trip with Tyler, actually.
Oh.
Okay.
Where? Uh, it's Uh, it's Laos.
To To Laos, the country of of Laos.
Well, Tammy's family always did like Tyler more than they like her, so [GASPS.]
Yeah.
Exactly.
That's why That's why we're going.
You better be back by Christmas.
Oh, y I promise.
With Laos presents.
Laotian.
Lotion? How do you say that? Forget it.
I'll tell you when I get back.
Ooh-ooh! Very unfortunate.
I was going for serial-killer mugshot, so success.
Success, indeed.
Car's coming soon.
Um, are you coming on the plane or are you just magic traveling there? Your sister sure loves Christmas.
Oh.
S-Since she was a kid, she goes all-out.
M-Maybe [CLEARS THROAT.]
Maybe the universe wants you to stay here, help help her decorate.
What? What are you talking about? Everything is saying go to Laos.
We put the puzzle together.
I know, but maybe we delay it, just Just a bit.
Build up your spiritual power.
I feel pretty powerful now.
I mean, what more could I learn? I mean, can you read minds? Is that something I'll be able to do?! - [GASPS.]
- Well no.
- Dang it! - But Look.
I worry I worry that you're just not ready.
We're We're not ready.
We are ready.
We're so ready.
Sam bought me a plane ticket.
Tyler knows the language.
I have the name of the hotel.
I mean, the universe is practically shouting at me.
And for the first time, I know exactly what to do.
FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Ladies and gentlemen, the captain has turned on the "fasten seat belt" sign.
Flight attendants, please be seated.
[SPEAKING LAO.]
"Where is the toilet?" Somewhere down there is our next righteous soul.
And we're gonna find him.
I hope so.
[SPEAKING LAO.]
"My companion has been kidnapped.
" [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS.]
[GROANS.]
[SPEAKING LAO.]
He's so awesome, man.
He wants me to be in his wedding.
I am not surprised by that at all.
Ohh! Ooh.
My God! This place is nice.
[CHUCKLES.]
It's not bad.
Uh, hello.
Just checking in.
Reservation is under "Kevin Finn.
" Two N's.
- Welcome, Mr.
Finn.
One moment.
- Thank you.
I'm not leaving this country 'til I try a tarantula.
That sounds awful, but okay.
I'm so sorry, Mr.
Finn.
I don't have a reservation under that name.
Could it be under a different name? Uh, no, but, um, that's I have my confirmation right here.
See? Kevin Finn.
"2018.
" You made your reservation for next year.
Ohh no.
[CHUCKLES.]
Um, please tell me that you have a-a room f-for us? I'm sorry, Mr.
Finn.
Our hotel is booked to capacity.
No.
What? Kevin?! Ben! Wait What are [GRUNTING.]
What are you doing here?! I'm on my honeymoon! Y-You are? Well, I mean, it was supposed to be our honeymoon.
Right.
But since Deb and I split up and the trip was already paid for, I decided to come by myself.
- Alright! - A "me-moon"! Nice! Oh.
This is, uh, Tyler.
Tyler, Ben.
I cannot believe that I ran into you.
In Laos.
Are you guys staying at this hotel? Uh, we had a little, uh, reservation snafu.
We're working on it.
Oh, my God.
My suite is humongous.
Stay with me.
Oh, no, w-we don't want to interrupt your me-moon.
It's You're staying.
Let's go.
[LAUGHS.]
Are y - So fancy! - [LAUGHS.]
BEN: It's good, right? The bathroom is sick Heated toilet seats.
- Stop it.
- I can't.
[KEVIN LAUGHS.]
Ben, this is so nice of you.
Thanks.
You kidding me? You saved my life, man.
I was married to someone who didn't love me.
I deserve better.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- I have never seen so many soaps.
I love this place! Okay, you guys make yourselves at home.
- I'm gonna get a quick workout in.
- Alright.
[CHUCKLES.]
Ohh! Ohh.
I think I know this tiger.
BEN: Oh, it's cool, right? It's supposed to be the best tour in town.
Going tomorrow morning.
Hey, you guys should come.
Ye Count us in! MAN ON TV: Nowhere in the world will you find a destination that is culturally Mmm.
- and spiritually satisfying - What are you doing? Well, I had a bath Used the heated toilet.
Uh, fun fact not as great as you might think.
And now I'm relaxing with some filmed entertainment.
Which is not of an adult nature, because they don't have that at this hotel.
Because I checked.
You came all this way just to Just to sit here? If there's a righteous soul out there, go find it! I will.
Tomorrow, on the tour.
Look.
Look at the pictures in this brochure.
Half of them are from visions that I've had.
I am exactly where the universe wants me to be.
The universe wants you in a hotel suite watching not-porn? No money for tickets? Sam gives me miles.
Screw up the hotel reservation? Oh, Ben has a suite at the exact same hotel.
The universe has Kevin-proofed itself.
I can't fail.
Why do you go all-out decorating your house for Christmas? You live in the middle of nowhere.
I mean, no one sees it.
- Only one person matters.
- Who? Santa! Right.
Santa.
She gets the weather forecast from the National Weather Service.
Yes, I do, to accurately predict the sleigh trajectory on our roof.
Hmm.
And I have updated my formula to include the wind gusts that are to be expected.
No, no, no.
No No math, please.
- No math.
- Okay.
- Uh, Amy? Hey! - Iggy! - Hi.
- Hello.
[LAUGHS.]
- You're here! - I'm here.
The Um, w-well, hi.
It's good to see you.
You too.
This is Reese, my my This is my daughter, Reese.
- Hi.
- Yeah.
Oh.
Hi.
Uh, your mom has told me a lot about you.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- [CLEARS THROAT.]
Oh, um, this is Nate.
This is my friend Nate.
He's helping me with a project.
For Santa.
For the house.
For Christmas! Hi.
How are you? - Good to meet you, man.
- You too.
So, uh, listen, I'm heading out of town for the holidays.
Yeah.
Thought maybe we could get together if you're free or? - Yeah.
- Yeah? Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
That sounds That sounds great.
Uh, excuse me.
I'm gonna use the restroom, let you guys talk.
Okay.
Reese, did you, uh, need to go to the restroom? No.
Okay.
Okay, great.
Okay.
It's Christmas [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS.]
Food on sticks, guys! That is the perfect way to eat.
This is exactly like I remember it.
- It's amazing.
- You've been here? - I-I saw a documentary.
- Oh.
About this market.
Come on.
Bus leaves in five.
Hmm.
Here you go.
Three all-day passes.
- Three? - Yeah.
Where's Tyler? [SIGHS.]
Tyler.
Um Okay.
Go on.
I'll get him.
- Okay.
Save you seats.
- Alright.
Tyler! Ty! [GRUNTS.]
Sorry.
Excuse me.
Oh! Sorry.
I'm so sorry.
- Thank you.
- No problem.
You a tourist? You need something? I can get you anything.
No.
I'm I'm good.
Thanks.
Tyler! Place to eat? I know the best noodles in town.
Uh, money changer? Finest silk? Anything! I'm just looking for a friend.
I can get you a friend.
No, no.
No.
Just no, thank you.
- Tyler! - Tyler! I really, really don't need your help, okay? Okay, boss.
Tyler! Aah! [WHIMPERS.]
Hey, man! Think I can get this on carry-on? Where the hell did you get that? Oh, they're all over the place.
It's for the Laos new year! Oh! And snacks.
They're water beetles.
They look gross, but they taste gross, too.
Ew.
Oh, the bus! The bus! No, no, no, no! No! Wait! Wait! [SIGHS.]
Oh, man.
I'm sorry, buddy.
This is my fault.
- It Ohh.
- [CRUNCH.]
Wow! That does not get better.
We need to get on that bus.
[BRAKES SQUEAL.]
You need a ride? [SIGHS.]
KEVIN: Where is the bus? I don't see it.
Don't worry.
Those tour buses always stop at the same sites.
We'll catch them at the next stop.
Gum? - Oh.
Thanks.
- $4 a stick.
Worth it.
- Hey, no, no, no.
Whoa.
- Hey, hey! We're already paying you a lot of money to catch that tour bus, which you are failing at.
Why are you gouging us? I have a baby on the way any day now, man.
You have any idea how much that's gonna cost me? You have kids? Not yet.
But I plan on having a massive family one day.
Three boys, two girls.
Juan's the oldest.
Then Barbara the bookish one.
Mark's the middle kid.
We got to keep an eye on him.
Alison's next.
Then little Teddy, our youngest.
[CHUCKLES.]
That scamp.
I haven't thought about it as much as him.
Well, think hard before you do it.
Food, clothes, school.
I'm trying everything I can.
Me and my wife are barely staying ahead on rent as it is.
Well, there's plenty more of this if you catch up with that bus.
I got you, baby.
[GEARS GRINDING.]
- What is that? - Oh, no.
- What's happening? - No, no, no, no, no.
[CREAKING.]
[HISSING.]
[TYLER GROANS.]
- Minor setback.
- Ahh.
We'll catch up with the bus at the next stop.
Well, what do we do? This is a tourist spot.
Be a tourist.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS.]
Still think the universe has got your back? Yeah, I mean, we'll We'll be on the road as soon as Vong gets the car fixed.
Which should be Soon.
I could do it.
I could, um I could start that car.
Yeah, definitely you could do that.
I [SIGHS.]
I don't interfere because it's the height of hubris to circumvent the will of the universe, the will of God, but I could do it.
It's It's an emergency, right? Right.
If you If you tell me to do it, I will.
Um Don't fix the car.
Don't do a thing.
Why? [CHUCKLES.]
That's from my vision.
That car broke down for a reason.
We're here for a reason! How can you be sure? I've trusted you, your your lessons, your guidance for this whole ride.
And it's gotten us here.
Can you just trust me now? [CLINKING.]
So, what do you, um What do you think of Iggy? Mom, I'm not talking about this.
- Wha - It's weird.
It's not weird.
Come on.
Give me somethin'.
He seems nice, I guess.
Hm.
Nate didn't seem to like him.
Couldn't get out of there quick enough.
That was strange, huh? Yeah.
Am I crazy? Was I the only one that noticed that? What? Nate likes you.
Okay? That's why he was acting stupid.
Uh.
Uh.
[CHUCKLES.]
Wha Uh, how do you even know this? [EXHALES DEEPLY.]
Because He he wanted to know if I was okay if h-he asked you out.
Well, what did you say? No.
Reese.
Honey, you know that I'm gonna always love your dad.
Mom, that's not why.
Well, then why then? Because you're not ready.
I'm ready.
I'm I'm very ready.
Why would you say that I wasn't ready? Because of that.
You haven't taken it off since Dad died.
[ENGINE SPUTTERS.]
Okay! Cut it! Sorry, guys.
It's not happening.
We can walk to town, and I'll get a tow to come back for the car.
[SIGHS.]
Here's your money back.
Oh, no, Vong.
I'm I'm I'm good.
I'm not taking it.
I-I-I like it here.
I want to I want to stay for a little bit.
Well, I'm going.
Don't waste your time here, Kevin.
You You need to try and find the soul another way.
- [TRUNK CLOSES.]
- You can stay or come.
Up to you.
It's you! [LAUGHS EXCITEDLY.]
- What? - Kevin, wait.
I This is it.
VONG: What What What's happening? - Hey, man.
- Hey.
- What's up? - Well, I don't know.
Did Did you feel anything? No.
Huh.
[CHUCKLES.]
Uh, okay.
Can I get one of those? - That's good stuff.
- [LAUGHS.]
Something should happen when I anoint someone, right? I mean, I-I should have felt something.
I would think so.
What the hell is going on? I What is the universe trying to tell me? I don't think the universe was talking to you.
That That message was meant for me.
You? What's the universe trying to tell you? That That I'm wrong.
That That there are no other righteous souls.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]
What? Okay.
Let's just take a deep breath and strategize.
Strategize what? Um, our next move? Kevin, there are no other righteous.
[SIGHS.]
How do you know that? Because we just saw it.
This was all for nothing.
I convinced 35 celestial beings to give up paradise for a fool's errand! I ruined their lives! I ruined your life.
- No, you didn't.
- Kevin.
You didn't.
Go home.
Go back to your family.
What are you gonna do? I don't know.
I'm still righteous, right? I mean, you You were right about that.
Yes.
You're the only one left.
Well, maybe I'm enough.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS.]
[WOMAN SPEAKING LAO.]
[SPEAKING LAO.]
Oh, I What is it? [SPEAKING LAO.]
- Ahh.
- Mmm! Oh, my God! This is the most delicious Mystery food I've ever tasted! [LAUGHS.]
Mmm! You are a weird man.
[LAUGHS.]
Yeah.
But a good man.
Thank you.
I-I try.
Ohh! Oh.
[SPEAKING LAO.]
[CELLPHONE CLICKING, CHIMING.]
Thank you very much.
Hey.
How's the car? Waiting for the tow truck.
After that, I don't know what to do.
Well, maybe I could help.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Can I get you anything else? No, I'm I'm fine.
Thanks.
TYLER: Hey! We got the same drink! Mind if I join you? Oh, I-I don't think I'd be good company right now.
That's not possible.
What's got you down? Work problems.
Hm.
That bad? Bad enough that I threw in the towel and now here I am.
Well, I'm glad you're here.
It's always nice to meet another American.
Oh.
[COUGHS.]
Oh.
Um, I'm not from there.
Ah.
Canadian, eh? [CHUCKLES.]
Sure.
Rad.
I love poutine.
Are you always this happy? Well, I'm drinking a fruity cocktail, sitting next to a beautiful lady.
Why wouldn't I be happy? Oh, hey, just share mine.
Thank you, Betty.
Appreciate you.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh! - Nate.
Hi.
- Hey.
Hey.
Uh, just here for a cup of coffee.
Me.
I am.
- You have yours.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- I have an extra if you That guy [CLEARS THROAT.]
that you met, he's, um, a professor that I went out on a date with.
A-A da date.
Oh.
Yeah, okay.
But Um But I realized that, um, I'm just not ready to date yet, so It's cool, right? That I-I realized that with him, and, you know, not while I was out on a date with another person.
Yeah, yeah, I know exactly how you feel.
You know, post-divorce, who wants to hop into something? That's why it's important to have friends.
Right.
- To get you through all the rough patches.
- Yes! So true.
- Right.
True, true, true.
So true.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Okay, well, thank you.
Um Thanks for making that a lot less awkward than I tried to make it.
- You're welcome.
- Okay.
Ah, well, you know what? I will take you up on that extra cup of coffee, so thank you.
Uh, that one's creamer.
Oh, my gosh.
Yeah.
That is creamer.
Ooh! - [LAUGHS.]
- It's very creamy.
- I am so sorry.
- And not at all what I expected.
No.
I shouldn't have chugged it like that.
That's the one you want.
My bad.
[LAUGHS.]
I'm so sorry.
This is the third time this month that car broke down.
The repairs are costing more than what the car is worth.
It's gonna be okay.
We'll figure it out.
I can't even take care of myself.
How can I be responsible for another life? Feels like the weight of the whole world is on your shoulders? Yes.
Yeah, I-I-I get that.
Uh, in In my, um, job, there is a ton of pressure.
But I've had to learn to ignore the fact that everything will fall apart if I fail.
How can you do that when everything is so overwhelming? Well, uh, by taking it just one step at a time and and hoping that it makes a difference in the end.
Y-You focus on the things that you can control because everything else is just gonna happen no matter what you do.
I don't know.
It It helps me.
Thanks.
Sound like you have a very important job.
Oh.
[CHUCKLES.]
What do you do? Uh, I-I'm a, uh, uh Senator.
Wow! - [CELLPHONE RINGS.]
- Oh.
It's my wife.
Hello? [SPEAKING LAO.]
[CELLPHONE LOCKS.]
My wife is in labor.
I need to get home now! Yep.
So the Postmates guy shows up, and I notice he'd eaten half my bag of grapes.
Oh, so rude! What'd you do? Well, we bonded over how delicious grapes were, and then I gave him the rest of the bag for the ride home.
[MAN SPEAKING LAO.]
I think he just said this is it.
- [MARIACHI BAND PLAYS SLOW SONG.]
- Would you care to dance? Sure.
That'd be nice.
Are you feeling any better? For now.
But as soon as the song is over and reality sets in, I'm gonna I'm gonna want to fade away and disappear.
Oh, that's not how the universe works, though.
Oh.
Well, how does the universe work? In In your opinion? There's no disappearing.
The world's too small.
Friends will always find you when you need them.
I mean, look at us.
Who would think that an American and a Canadian would be dancing to a mariachi band in Laos? It's amazing.
Wait.
Wha That's a mariachi band?! Do you want to go over there and look? Come on.
Hi.
Excuse me, sir.
We need a taxi right away.
- It's an emergency.
- Kevin.
I can't talk right now, really.
Oh, great! Vong! Taxi! No! Oh, sir, please! We need it! Kevin, listen to me! Don't worry, Vong.
We'll get a taxi.
We'll get a taxi.
We're gonna need one more taxi.
- Kevin! - Please! - Hey.
What's going on? - Tyler, Vong's wife is in labor, and we need a ride.
- Can you - Uh, taxi! Kevin.
Yvette, I really need to concentrate right now! [TIRES SCREECH.]
What was that? Mariachi.
Mariachi?! Mariachi! You still think this was all for nothing? Hmnh! [GASPS.]
Uh, can you guys give us a ride? AMY: Oh, my God.
What's going on? I hope that's nothing bad.
Maybe Mrs.
Glubo forgot to put on clothes again.
Reese.
What? That happened.
She is in a home now.
AMY: Is that Nate? AMY: What happened? Maybe there was a gas leak in the neighborhood.
Oh, my God.
Really? Or maybe it was a Christmas travesty no one was seeing Santa's landing pad.
Did you Did you do all this so people would pass by my house? Who knows.
Well, except Santa.
He knows everything.
And, uh, maybe you should get inside, you know, in case the gas leak spreads.
[CHUCKLES.]
KEVIN: It is crazy how things work out.
You have no clue.
Are you okay, Ty? Okay? I'm more okay than I've ever been.
I met the most amazing woman.
Really? Where? The hotel bar.
It was, like, everything dimmed except for her across the room.
Well, did you t-talk to her? We talked.
- Aww! - We danced.
For a brief moment, we just were.
Ohh! Did you get her number? I didn't even get her name.
Well, maybe we can find her.
What'd she What'd she look like? [SIGHS.]
Beautiful brown eyes.
Flawless brown skin.
Her hair was braided in a ring like a halo.
Huh.
Wow.
Um, what was she wearing? She was wearing this beautiful shirt.
It was the color of a beautiful orange bird.
Red dangling earrings made out of this, like, poofy tassel.
I met an angel, Kev.
[BRAKES SQUEAL.]
Mm-hmm.
And I don't know what to do.
Hey! We're here! VONG: Vatsana! Vatsana! Vatsana! Vatsana! [SPEAKING LAO.]
[SPEAKING LAO.]
She said she called ambulance an hour ago.
[VATSANA SCREAMING.]
[SPEAKING LAO.]
She thinks she's gonna have the baby now! - Wha - What do I do?! Uh, just keep talking to her.
Uh, you'll talk us through this, right? - Don't look at me.
- What? This is what the universe wants.
What if I mess up? Hey, Kev, can I be of assistance? You know how to deliver a baby? LUCILLE: Not him, numb-nuts.
Me! - Lucille's a midwife.
- What? Now, do you need me to describe the female anatomy, or can we get to work? Hi, Lucille.
It's nice to see you.
[BREATHING RHYTHMICALLY.]
LUCILLE: You're doing great, sweetie.
Just keep breathing.
I'm gonna help your husband with the baby.
That's amazing! You're amazing! Knock off the back slapping until I know you idiots haven't crapped the bed on this! - Now let's get down to business.
- Okay.
People often call childbirth the miracle of life, but to actually witness it, it's truly miraculous.
So you gonna point me toward the action or what?! Fine.
It's the miracle of life.
It's the miracle of life.
It's the miracle of life.
Ohh.
Crap! This baby's coming in fast and hard! - O-Okay.
What do I do?! - [MOANING LOUDLY.]
Catch the baby, idiot! - You got this, Vong.
- Ohh.
[SCREAMING.]
[BABY CRIES.]
- Ohh! - It's a girl! She's a girl! [MARIACHI BAND PLAYING UP-TEMPO MUSIC.]
Can you believe that just happened? YVETTE: Hmm.
[CHUCKLES.]
We delivered a baby.
[CHUCKLES.]
Hey.
I-I-I know we didn't accomplish what we set out to do, but But we did something amazing today.
Maybe this is the universe's way of saying that it It's not just about finding the righteous.
It's It's about Being good and Doing the right thing.
And not because I-I had to.
But because I I w I wanted to.
I believe you're right.
Would you like to meet Laya? Laya? Yeah.
[LAYA FUSSES.]
"Beautiful one.
" Hi, beautiful one! [TWINKLING.]
[OVERLAPPING VOICES.]
FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Ladies and gentlemen, the captain has turned on the "fasten seat belt" sign.
Please return to your seats and keep your seat belts fastened.
Oh, well, hey there, Sleeping Beauty.
- What? - You knocked out hard! Can't blame you, though.
How did I get here? Dude.
How indeed.
We tore Laos up.
I'm surprised we survived to catch the flight home.
Wait.
Tyler, what are you talking about? The last thing I remember was The baby.
Yeah, after you delivered that baby, you were, like, powered up.
You wanted to experience everything.
- Everything? What d - [CELLPHONE UNLOCKS.]
Tha We Um, a-are those marks from a tiger? You, sir, are a badass.
[WINCES.]
Ah, those little guys tickled something fierce.
[CHUCKLES.]
W-What's that? That's where I met my Earth Angel and had the most amazing night of my life.
So this mystery woman Did she speak authoritatively like she knew all the answers and you were, like, an idiot? Nah.
This was love.
I can tell because it hurts so much to be without her.
But I kind of love how much it hurts.
Makes me feel alive.
Like, there's meaning to life, you know? Yeah.
Yes, I do.
That's why I want to document this.
Show our grandchildren.
What makes you think you'll ever see her again? Hm.
The universe sent me an angel, Kev.
The universe doesn't make mistakes.
I'll see her again.
A frosty Christmas Eve When the stars were shining I traveled for the home Where westward falls the hill And for many, many a village - In the darkness - More pretzels? Just because something is free doesn't mean stuff your face.
Did you really slow-dance with Tyler to a mariachi band in Laos? You have to tell me.
Do I look like I have time for casual meetups in East Asia? Does that even sound like me? - No, I guess not.
- Okay.
Wait.
You didn't answer the question.
You need to forget this foolishness and get your mind back in the game.
Fine.
But only because I was already thinking about Vong's baby anyway.
Heard music in the fields Do you think she'll be alright? She's so helpless.
She'll be fine.
Trust me.
Pretty optimistic for somebody who had lost all hope.
Because I now know something I didn't know before.
What you do matters.
The The smallest act of kindness, the The simplest expression of love It it grows.
It reverberates through the world [LAYA FUSSES.]
through the universe.
And it's a light that's more powerful than any force of darkness.
By the riches of the times - I know now - Open it.
more than I've ever known before - [LAUGHS.]
- that - [REESE SQUEALS.]
- the world is good.
Ooh, they're delicious.
Did you seriously just eat that? - They're so good.
A little crunchy.
- No!