Life On Mars (US) s01e09 Episode Script

(NO TIME PLAYING) No time left for you On my way to better things I'll find myself some wings RUBEN: Don't give me any of that I'm Okay-You're Okay crap! - Nothing's okay, okay? - Copy that, chief.
The fire chief says the office door is barricaded.
They need time.
- Hear that, Tyler? Buy us some time.
- Okay.
I hear you, Ruben.
Why don't you climb back in the window - and tell me what's on your mind? - RUBEN: What's on my mind? You want to know? Personal portable phones.
Small enough to fit in a large briefcase.
I lost every penny I had on that damn company.
What an idiot.
Who wants to carry around a telephone? No, Ruben.
You're ahead of your time.
One day, everybody will have one of these - portable phones you're talking about.
- Don't patronize me! Don't you do that! Ruben, wait.
I know how you're feeling.
I've lost a lot of things, too.
I know it can be hard to face, but you can get through this.
That's good, Tyler.
Talk to him like a woman.
Oh, no.
What's the matter, Eugene? You can't get the kitty out of the tree? (LAUGHING) What are you doing here, Nunzio? We just got came back from a little dim sum.
We heard the circus on the air, and we figured we'd come over here and lend a hand.
We don't need any help from the 1-4-4, Nunzio.
What's new, Carling? Save your breath.
You might need it to blow up your date tonight.
That's a good one, Carbone.
Which is exactly what your wife said to me after she hopped off.
(LAUGHING) Hey! Are you listening to me? I can't go back to what I had.
My bank account says zero.
I'm worth zero.
Now I'm a zero! Hey, Eugene, why don't you tell your Webelo to give me the horn over there? I'll talk this loser down before happy hour.
Sam, we don't have time for some stupid cop stunt.
- This guy is suicidal.
- I got it.
This isn't the time for some stupid cop stunt.
This guy is suicidal.
Who's your new center fielder, Gene? Sam Tyler, transfer.
Tyler, Anthony Nunzio, the harvester of sorrow.
This is no stunt, Sam Tyler.
I have a proven persuasion technique.
It's a new form of reverse psychology, which, when used with high-risk negotiating, is proving very effective.
Well, with all due respect, Lieutenant, there's no way I'm letting you talk to him.
What are you doing down there? I'm gonna jump.
This is it! Well, you better do something real soon, Sam Tyler, or this guy is gonna turn into ground goo, tout de suite.
Let him have a whack.
- What's his name? - Ruben.
Wife left him after he lost his shirt in the stock market.
- On a portable phone company.
- Who wants to carry around a phone? (SCOFFS) - RUBEN: Who are you? - Hey, Ruben.
How you doing? Go ahead and jump, you son of a bitch.
You think we give a damn? - What? - Boss.
Nunzio.
Hey, your wife called on the portable phone.
She called to tell you she's shacked up with the guy who invented the portable record player, and she thinks you should jump, too.
- Jump! Jump, you loser! Jump! - Nunzio.
No, don't do it, Ruben! No! (CROWD SCREAMING) Well, I guess this reverse psychology thing's got a ways to go.
My name is Sam Tyler.
I was in an accident and I woke up in 1973.
I don't know how or why I'm here, but whatever's happened, it's like I've landed on a different planet.
Now, maybe if I can work out the reason, I can get home.
Okay, hold it! Hold it! Hold it! Okay? - (SIGHS) Who's he yelling at now? - What he said made that guy jump.
The chief.
Word is, is that the death of the jumper is going on the stats of the 1-2-5 on the Lieut's sheet.
You mind explaining this thing between Nunzio and Hunt? Nobody really knows how it started, but those guys have a rivalry that's as legendary as the Stones and The Beatles, the Jets and the Sharks.
- Archie and Meathead.
- Archie and Jughead.
- Different Archie.
- SAM: All right, guys.
Please.
Nunzio and Hunt? What do you want to know? It's bad between them.
It has been for years.
So brace yourself, Spaceman, 'cause the Lieut ain't gonna take this lightly.
Chief of what? Chief of D's? There is a crime going down somewhere right now.
And that crime, no matter what it may be, will become a contest between our two houses.
That crime will be the field upon which a battle will be waged.
It happens once or twice a year.
The meeting of warriors, like Ben-Hur or Spartacus or any one of them movies, where despite wearing dresses and sandals, men knew what it meant to be men.
(IN RUSSIAN) A silent alarm got tripped at the Metro Savings and Loan on Hudson Avenue.
Bank robbery.
But Hudson's in the confines of the 1-4-4.
Then some of you have heard this speech before.
The 1-2-5 is responding! ALL: Yeah! All right! Gentlemen, this crime is a contest between our houses.
This crime will be the field upon which we will wage battle.
It's a meeting of warriors, like Spartacus or Ben-Hur, - everyone full of comprende on this? - Yes, sir.
I am Spartacus.
(LAUGHING) No, you're not, but you'll do.
(SIRENS WAILING) No time left for you On my way to better things Carbone, Fucci, get to it.
What are you doing, Eugene? Besmirching my crime scene with your anger issues? - The 1-2-5's calling shot on this crime.
- And on account of why? On account of that jumper dying on my sheet, courtesy of you.
That jumper was ending up pavement porridge no matter who was the primary gabber.
I just happened to expedite it a bit.
I'm calling shot.
Maybe we take the matter up with the Chief of D's first, huh, Eugene? Got no time I got, got, got, got no time I think we just stepped into the Stalingrad branch of this bank.
We'll need surveillance photos now, boss.
Every eyewit in the place has a case of spontaneous blindness.
The security guard, he got pistol-whipped and went on queer street.
They were threatened not to cooperate with the cops.
Probably organized crime.
Keep talking to these people, Sizeable.
- Let them know we're the bigger threat.
- A uni found this in a sewer search.
Three rounds recently fired.
Our perp may have tossed it on his way out.
- Good.
- Let's run it down to the lab, see if they can pull DN Lift some prints.
I'm gonna start a canvass.
(SIGHS) Everyone here only speaks Russki except for that kid there who's a regular Walter Cronkite.
His ma don't seem too happy.
Well, that's 'cause he saw the whole thing and just told me so, and according to him, there was only one robber.
- Hustle the kid back to the precinct.
- What about Mother Russia there? Take her with you, but keep it on the hush-hush.
Go.
Go.
We're gonna give you guys a ride home, all right? Go get some Who are they? - Who's who? - The lady and her kid.
Ray, he's taking them out for banana splits.
The guy got a big heart.
Hey, Lieut.
Sam says he needs you outside.
The poor lady was just waiting for the bus.
Never knew what hit her.
The round came from inside the bank, boss.
- Look at that hole in the window there.
- A stray bullet.
Unlucky.
I doubt the shooter even knows he dropped a body.
Her name's Olga Arshavin.
Green card says she's Ukrainian.
We got a felony murder here.
- We got a homicide here, Eugene.
- GENE: Nope.
Now, while it may be true that the bank is within the jurisdiction of the 1-4-4.
This unfortunate woman, seeing as how she is on the sidewalk, puts her square in the 1-2-5.
Huntlandia.
This is our homicide.
Well, I guess we got something worth fighting for now, Eugene.
(WHIRRING) I got, got, got, got no time Phyllis is taking the mother down to the diner, keep her busy with a plate of fish while we talk to baby Brezhnev.
- You got him in lost and found? - I do.
- Alone? - Hardly.
Maria Belanger.
Gene Hunt, scaring children under 40 everywhere.
I see you still carry your Ray of sunshine with you.
And who's the wild-eyed boy from freecloud over here? Sam Tyler, a transfer.
Wow.
Transferred here.
You must have done some awful things in your past life.
Tyler, this little cup of cream pie is Maria Belanger, - a social worker with the SPCC.
- Nice to meet you.
RAY: So.
How's it going, junior? You want to tell us what happened? My mother says if I talk to the police, I'll be in trouble.
Your mom was just a little bit scared after what happened.
- These are the good guys here.
- That's right, Lexi.
Now this man is the bad guy.
And with your help, we're gonna catch him.
You understand? Come on, kid.
Don't clam up on me.
Tell me what I need to know, and I'll buy you a bowl of borscht.
Lieutenant.
You're the social worker.
Get the kid to socialize.
Lexi, you won't get in trouble.
They just want to catch the man with the gun.
I'm not supposed to tell.
Hey, Lexi, you watch The Flintstones? See this guy? They based Fred Flintstone on him.
- No, they did not.
- SAM: Yes, they did, Lexi.
I'm telling you.
When they were thinking of the perfect caveman from the Stone Age Go ahead.
Say it, Gene.
Say it for Lexi.
Come on, Gene.
Just say it.
(MIMICS FRED FLINTSTONE) Yabba-Dabba-Doo! Okay, that's enough.
Lexi, do you want a soda pop? - I'll get you one.
- Wait.
He said a bad man would kill us if we talked.
Yeah? Did he say the bad man's name? - Vasilli Lukin.
- Thank you, Lexi.
(GRUNTING) That's one hot little mouse, ain't it? You should drizzle some butter on them taters.
(CHUCKLES) She's nice.
What's her story? Her story is she'd look pretty good with her toes extended to the ceiling.
- That's her story.
- (GROANS) Ray.
- What? - You have anything on the robbery? I ran Vasilli Lukin's name by Organized Crime Control Bureau.
The guy's a Russki mobster that just popped up on their radar.
Right.
Right.
It's 1973, so the Russian mob is just starting to assert itself.
But robbing 10 grand from a bank is kind of small-time, isn't it? Ten grand buys a lot of Chicken Kiev.
I'm guessing Lukin is hooked in with the Soviets and the KGB, knowing these shifty reds, which means the Kremlin is making move on Manhattan.
(LAUGHS) A move on Manhattan? There's a cold war going on, Spaceman.
And I tell you what.
This is one American that ain't gonna roll over and start farming on no vodka collective.
Right.
So you think the Soviets are plotting to take over the US? You don't? Oh Did OCCB happen to mention where we could find Lukin? Yes, they did.
- Vasilli Lukin? - Wonderful.
More police.
What do you mean, more? If it isn't Genie-come-lately.
You're one step ahead of nobody.
I interviewed Mr.
Lukin personally, Lieutenant Hunt.
- He had nothing to do with the robbery.
- An entire planet full of people, and this bank robber just happens to mention the name Vasilli Lukin? I don't know why this criminal would say my name during robbery.
I had nothing to do with crime.
Maybe one of your goons was acting on your orders.
You are rude.
What you say would suggest Mr.
Lukin keeps goons.
I apologize for Detective Tyler.
He's sort of an immigrant to this town himself.
It's all right.
We are all in melting pot, so I accept the apology.
Look at him.
It's Captain America.
You like apple pie, Captain America? - You have face of apple pie.
- Now who's being rude? Do us a favor.
Take a look at these.
Those shoes, it's a Kiev dog who dress like that.
- Sounds like you recognize him.
- No, no.
It's those shoes.
Only Russian off the boat from Kiev would wear something so silly.
- No one who work for me.
- Oh.
If you're tied into this robbery, you can kiss free goodbye.
- You make threat, Detective? - Lieutenant, comrade.
Lieutenant Hunt isn't used to saying goodbye himself.
Maybe he'll be on his way.
That is good idea for him.
Thanks for the help.
Enjoy the schvitz.
Do svidaniya, apple pie.
(THUD) - Thanks, Annie.
- How are you doing, Maria? (SIGHS) You know, doing my best to keep all the children singing.
- I heard you and Gary split up.
- We did.
Gary turned out to be less Gary than I signed up for.
- I'm sorry.
- How's working with Detective Tyler? Sam? He's nice.
Good guy.
Why haven't you made a move yet, Annie? A move? On Sam? Well, no, I That wouldn't be appropriate.
And we work together.
And besides, I am seeing someone.
- Lee Crocker.
You know him? - Yeah, I know Lee.
Nice man.
Yes.
Then why are you blushing? Blushing? I'm not blushing, Maria.
I'm naturally pinkish.
Is Sam involved with someone? He does mention a girlfriend, but she's far, far away.
- Maya.
- Far-away Maya.
So he's fair game? Free and clear, as far as I know.
The way Lukin and his bodyguard looked at this photo, they knew who was under the mask.
They know who pulled off this robbery.
All you gotta know, Tyler, is that he's a Russki, all right? They want everything to be free, even money.
Turns out that the gun found at the sewer search has an owner.
His name is Yuri Demidov.
He purchased the gun at Fred's Hunting Emporium - in Bay Ridge two weeks ago.
- Yuri, huh? Well, as the gray-haired grannies down at church say, Bingo.
You got a home address? (EX CLAIMS) Come here.
Come here.
Nunzio beat us to it.
That's his boat.
GENE: I know him like the back of my goolies.
He's getting Yuri ready for some pre-interrogation tenderizing.
So how do you propose we intervene, boss? Operation Blue Condor.
What's Operation Blue Condor? Picture you're on a choo-choo.
We're the last stop.
You're up to your ass in alligators.
I wouldn't eat spaghetti off your head.
(GRUNTS) After tonight, Doctor Zhivago, you'll wish you were making pickax ice cubes in a Siberian gulag.
(KNOCKING AT DOOR) Come in.
What is it? Someone's messing with your car downstairs.
(SCOFFS) Make him uncomfortable.
NUNZIO: P.
A.
B? - Pittsburgh Association of Broadcast.
- Really? That's your answer.
- Peanut Advisory Board.
- How about "Please Avoid Breathing"? Operation Blue Condor.
- What's that? - Hunt.
PAB.
"Payback's a bitch.
" We just walked them out the back like we was taking him to the prom.
I still don't understand why it's called Operation Blue Condor.
I agree.
We should call it Operation Up Your Ass, Nunzio.
(LAUGHING) - You're still here.
- I had to file my report.
- Right.
- Why the awkward display of euphoria? Well, the 1-4-4 nabbed our suspect in that bank murder.
- And we nabbed him back.
- That's great.
Maybe next time you can challenge them to a water-balloon fight.
I mean, how much of this is about the safety of this city and how much is it about willie size? It's about the safety of the city.
- Our willies are - Our willies are good willies.
Yes, it's true.
We have good willies.
Very good willies.
Goodbye, gentlemen.
- Goodbye, Detective Tyler.
- Goodbye.
Goodbye, Detective Tyler.
- What? - I think she likes you, Spaceman.
What, her? No.
RAY: I'm telling you, man.
Come on.
I would crawl across half a mile of broken glass just to kiss the last guy who sucked her toes.
What? NUNZIO: Where's King Farouk? I never thought you'd be thickheaded enough to steal a suspect, Eugene.
And I never thought you would be mope enough to let one get stolen.
You pug-faced, little sissy Mary.
I will turn this precinct into a parking lot.
Who? You? You couldn't find sand if you slid off a camel.
(ALL LAUGHING) I don't have my abacus handy, Nunzio, but I don't think the numbers are in your favor for a rumble.
Look at you, all swelled-up like a poison pup.
I'm glad I'm off this case.
Gives the 1-2-5 a chance to blow it.
Come on, boys.
Let's beat it.
This thing between you and him goes way beyond squad rivalry.
- What's really going on? - Get back to work, Tyler.
It'll be in my office.
- It's about a girl, wasn't it? - Tell me a story that wasn't.
Come on.
Thirty-year beef? (CHUCKLES) Raising fists every time you sniff each other? Over a woman? Yeah, fine.
You could frame it that way, if you were the kind of guy who thinks World War II started over a parcel of land full of Polish people.
I don't follow.
Angela Venezzia.
Italian girl.
She wasn't a woman.
She was beyond a woman.
I'm pretty sure God invented her when Mrs.
God wasn't looking.
I went to a Knights of Columbus dance, me and Nunz.
We were tight back then.
Both saw her at the same time.
Part gypsy, part werewolf.
(CHUCKLES) Only he called shot on her.
In those days, he'd call shot on a fire hydrant.
And Angela chose you? Hey.
Don't Don't look so surprised.
I have some lovable qualities.
Deeply sublimated though they may be.
(EX CLAIMS IN AGREEMENT) The thing about this, there are women you love and they love you back.
Sometimes there are women you love, they don't feel the same.
I never had Angela, not the way you'd want, and I always knew it.
She never burned for me, no matter how many times I set myself on fire for her.
She never burned for me.
She left me a few years after we got married.
I'm sorry, Gene.
It's not all teardrops and violins.
Don't get me wrong.
We had three great kids.
Get out of here, Tyler.
Get out.
Are you going to beat me like other police of America? If you try to hustle us, I won't stop him.
He thinks the Russians are poisoning our water supply.
They are not, but they would like to.
Olga Arshavin died, herring face, 'cause you played cowboy bank robber this morning.
- Not me.
- "Not me"? We can place you at the bank, Yuri, with these surveillance photos.
This man in photo wears mask.
How are you to say that's me? All the masks in the world can't hide them ugly shoes, red.
Even Stalin had the decency to wear a nice tassel loafer.
SAM: The guy in this picture doesn't rob banks or murder someone without a good reason.
(SIGHS) So why'd you do it? We're not here to judge, just to listen.
Okay.
So come on, Yuri.
Talk to us.
I defect to America one month ago.
I was engineer in Kiev.
I arrive here to make arrangements to bring my wife and daughter to America.
Kiev police and KGB watch my family so they can't leave.
Getting them here to the US is difficult task.
I turn to not-so-nice man for help.
- Vasilli Lukin.
- I paid him $ 10,000.
When they arrive here, he asked for another $ 10,000.
Another $ 10,000 for what? Exchange for my family, Marina and Dasha.
So I (SIGHS) I I rob the bank.
Where's Lukin keeping your family now? I do not know, but he said he will kill them if I do not bring $ 10,000 more by Saturday.
(DOOR OPENING) We're narrowing down possibilities on where Lukin's holding your family.
I hope you like roast beef.
- I never meant to shoot that woman.
- But you did, Yuri.
- And you have to answer for that.
- It was first time I ever held a gun.
I was I was engineer for Soviet space program.
In Russia, I am scientist.
In America, I rob banks.
- Sad immigrant tale.
- Yeah.
I consider myself the ultimate immigrant.
How can this be? You look true blue.
(LAUGHS) - Where you from? - Far away from here.
Why did you leave? My work involved psychological operations, the measurement of brain alpha waves, the material of memory.
Top secret for Project Aries.
We send miniature robot into human body to confirm or deny the existence of a human soul.
- Human soul? - Human soul.
- What did you find out? - Results inconclusive.
I can see you are sad at being immigrant.
There is advantage.
A new life can set you free.
Do the things you would not do in your other life.
Embrace your immigrant status.
(WHIRRING) The English author Samuel Johnson once wrote, "He who makes beast of himself, gets rid of the pain of being a man.
" You can be anything you want here.
This is true gift of America.
You got a lot of nerve asking for help after that shine you pulled on us today, Eugene.
Why you gotta always with the Eugene? Now you know I don't like that, Anthony.
I wouldn't do it if I didn't think it stuck up in your throat like a sore.
This guy, the bank robber, he was trying to pay the Russian gangster Lukin a debt.
Lukin smuggled the guy's family into New York, - and now he's holding them hostage.
- And why is this my dilemma? Well, Lukin's in your precinct.
You know his haunts.
Where would he hide the guy's family? Give me one good reason why I should tell you.
"Give me," died.
I'm his brother, "take.
" His family needs our help.
My whole career you've been ramrodding me, Eugene.
That bank heist a few years ago? That was my case.
My case.
You stole it.
I stole it because at the policeman's ball you told the chief my squad couldn't clear pimples.
You swiped the Brownstone robbery, the Puerto Ricans.
And before that, you snatched the rape and the gang stabbing on 3rd.
How far do you want to go back? All the way back to the Knights of Columbus? 1943.
- I saw her first.
I called shot.
- Angela was an adult.
You want me to tell you I'm sorry she picked me? You got a better shot at growing beets on a tulip farm.
I don't want an apology.
See, the way I figure it, I got one less broken heart because of you shutting off those lights.
There's a family's life at stake here, Anthony.
Yeah, they're Russkies, but that don't mean they should be denied some fun in the sun.
Not on our account, anyways.
(SIGHS) Lukin owns the apartments above the bathhouse.
I'd start there.
Look at you, acting like a grown-up.
Don't get used to it, Eugene.
- Detective Tyler.
- Hi.
What are you doing here? - I was looking for Lieutenant Hunt.
- I think he's out on a case.
Oh.
- Yep.
- Okay.
Hey, nice job today.
(MIMICS FRED FLINTSTONE) Yabba-Dabba-Doo! It was cute.
(LE GS PLAYING) Are you sure you want to do this, Detective? Yeah.
I'm embracing my immigrant status.
Wait, wait, wait.
Safety first.
- Dinner sometime? - I would like that.
- You're nice, Sam Tyler.
- Yes.
I mean, you are, too.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- You have ketchup or something.
- Oh.
- Yeah, thanks, I had - French fries.
French fries.
Yes.
- I should - Go.
There.
There you are, Spaceman.
We were about to send out the bloodhounds.
- Well, I stepped out for some air.
- Yeah.
I gotta get me some air like that.
Listen, we found out where the Russians were keeping Yuri's family.
There's a apartment above the schvitz.
Sasho was keeping a close eye on them.
Good.
Good.
Let's go.
- GENE: Vasilli Lukin.
- What now, Lieutenant? I sense sarcasm in that.
Just came to give you some news.
You're gonna love the schvitz in Attica.
You're under arrest for felony murder, Sputnik.
Murder? The dead woman from the bank robbery.
See, the way the law works is when you threaten a guy to pay money, and that guy robs a bank and shoots someone, the body comes back to you.
No proof.
Like KGB, you falsify statements.
Are you gonna come along quietly or resist? I'm hoping you resist.
I haven't smacked around a commie since the McCarthy era.
Resist? In Moscow, real police never point guns.
You wouldn't talk so much, big mouth, if you hadn't those pistols.
I don't need my gun to take you in.
- You need your gun? - Absolutely not.
- Raymundo? - Not when I got all ten soldiers.
- Christopher Gordon Skelton? - No, sir.
All ten.
Sizeable? No guns.
And one more thing, comrade.
Vodka is for sissies.
Men drink whiskey.
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN) LUKIN: You are silly men.
I think maybe we overplayed this one, boss.
It happens.
(EX CLAIMS) Eugene! I figured I'd find you chomping on a pastrami sandwich with your mother-in-law at Frankie's today.
(LAUGHING) But instead, I find you here.
- This is unexpected.
- Yeah.
I loved Angela, Eugene.
- I did, too, Anthony.
- Yeah, I know.
(SIGHS) (WHISKE Y IN THE JAR PLAYING) As I was goin' over (CHUCKLES) You hit like a girl.
and Kerry Mountains I saw Captain Farrell and his money, he was counting I first produced my pistol And then produced my rapier I said, "Stand and deliver "Or the devil he may take ya" Musha rain dum a doo, dum a da (GROANING) Whack for my daddy, oh Whack for my daddy, oh How'd you like that for apple pie? I took all of his money And it was a pretty penny I took all of his money And I brought it home to Molly They'll be safe now.
I just told my daughter she can be anything she wants here.
It's a new life.
It's a new America.
- There you go.
- Thanks.
Whack for my daddy, oh Whack for my daddy, oh There's whiskey in the jar, oh - SAM: Hey.
- Hey.
- Something wrong? - No.
Well, I've been wanting to talk to you.
As a friend, but Well, I didn't I didn't want you to think that I was Come here, No-Nuts.
Dance with the man that beats up Russians.
The only thing I dislike more than you, Nunz, are the bad guys.
Right back at you, Eugene.
Musha rain dum a doo, dum a da Whack for my daddy, oh Whack for my daddy, oh There's whiskey in the jar, oh Hey, there.
Hey, Maria.
How are you? - Want a drink? - Bourbon neat.
Coming right up.
(CHUCKLING) As if it wasn't enough, losing your ma to that maniac, you had to grow up to be such a beautiful thing.
Well, look at this way, Nunz.
If you'd have been my dad instead of Gene, maybe I wouldn't have turned out so beautiful.
(MY MARIA PLAYING) My Maria Don't you know I have come a long, long way I've been longin' to see ya When she's around she take my blues away Sweet Maria You boinked the boss' daughter, Spaceman.
(LAUGHING) That ain't the way to get ahead in America.
God bless.
Lonely highway in the skies Maria Oh, my Maria Maria, I love you Maria, I love you Maria, I love you Oh, my Maria Maria, I love you