Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman s01e09 Episode Script

Help, somebody please help! He's got my car! Hey, watch it! Man! Don't nothing hurt you? Not so far.
Yeah? Just a minute.
You've got a minute? Martha, it's Wayne Irig.
Put on the coffee.
Come on in, Wayne.
It's better out here.
What are you doing out on a night like this? You know that big oak tree I got out back? Yeah.
Tuesday's storm blew it right out of the ground.
- You need some help chopping it up? - No.
I found something under that tree.
It was a rock and I sent a little piece off to the lab for a test.
Today I got federal agents asking me a lot of questions and they got bulldozers coming tomorrow, and that's all I know.
I need you to keep this for me until I can figure it all out.
What do you think it is? Something I never seen before.
I mean it is something weird here.
Look out, Jimmy.
Start being on time, Jimmy.
You'll ruin your reputation.
Morning, Cat.
What do you think? I prefer leather.
I wasn't talking about fashion.
Neither was I.
It's a Star Labs prototype.
The Air Force needs help finding their lost pilots.
But I was thinking we could use it to get in touch with Superman.
May I have a look at that? Here's this decent farmer who gets thrown off his property by the Feds and they tear his place up looking for pesticides.
- Sounds like a story to me.
- Then let Clark go.
- I'll stay and watch for Superman.
- Lois, just keep an open mind about this.
I'm seeing a Planet special investigation: "The Poisoning of America.
" Really? I'm seeing guys in overalls discussing hog futures.
Private property rights versus the public good.
We've got that story here in Metropolis.
Urban versus rural.
It's the same story, it's the same problem.
Sometimes it's easier to understand in a smaller setting.
Kent, are you okay? Sure.
Could you excuse me for a second? I can't hear anything.
You're not supposed to.
It's hypersonic.
Jimmy, the man's a superhero, not a dog.
- What is this thing? - It is a signal watch.
Superman has super hearing, right? We need him, we call.
Maybe you should only use that in a real emergency, Jimmy.
Smooth, CK, will do.
No, that's it.
I'm just done arguing.
Perry, it's Smallville.
Okay, I got it.
That's probably how that first reporter felt down there in Love Canal.
Only thing is didn't that reporter pull in a Pulitzer prize? America's breadbasket, Lois.
Don't tell me.
4-H changed your life.
Hey, can't help it if I'm a farm kid.
If I ever need a cow milked, I'll remember that.
You can joke, but take away Middle America and what have you got? Art, music, theater.
Crime, drugs, poverty.
How long is this gonna take? It takes as long as it takes.
I didn't realize Zen was so popular in the country.
It always takes people from the city a while to decompress.
Fortunately for you, this weekend Smallville's holding an annual corn festival.
- This is a good thing? - Sure.
We'll get to see the Corn Queen Pageant the Huskoff, the Corn-o-Rama.
Popcorn, cream corn, corn on the cob.
We are in luck.
You stole my heart.
Sorry, off limits to the public.
We're not the public.
We're the press.
We've already issued a statement to the local paper.
I'm Clark Kent, this is Lois Lane.
We're from the Daily Planet.
I'm Carol Sherman, EPA field liaison.
What's a newspaper like yours doing here? That's why we're called the Daily Planet.
We cover the world.
Plus Smallville.
Well, what you're seeing here is an ecological risk assessment.
The owner used a lot of pesticides during the '60s and we're concerned about seepage into the local groundwater.
People getting more than they bargained for at dinner? That's it.
Public safety.
No big story, I'm afraid.
We need to talk to the property owner.
Mr.
Irig.
He's been given relocation money during the testing.
He didn't say where he went.
Well, I'm sure you'll have that information somewhere.
We'll check back.
So what do you think? I think Farmer Jones is in a motel eating take-out watching cable, having a good time.
- His name is Wayne Irig.
- Oh, that's right.
You know him.
He's a friend of my dad's.
I remember that before his wife died, they used to give out the greatest caramel apples on Halloween.
- Okay, where's the joke? - What joke? You've made fun of everything else.
Where's the caramel apple joke? I love caramel apples.
The way I see it, we have two possibilities.
Either you buried it somewhere on your farm or you gave it to someone.
Now, which is it? There wasn't any more.
That was it.
Wrong answer.
Problem, Ms.
Sherman? You told me Mr.
Irig had been relocated.
He has been.
This is his new location.
Since when does the Environmental Protection Agency do interrogations? It doesn't.
Bureau 39 does.
Bureau 39, what's that? That's on a need to know basis, and you don't.
I needed a job but not this bad.
I will not be a part of this.
I'd reconsider that.
The fact is, no one alive has ever quit Bureau 39.
It's a curse.
And you did say you had a daughter to raise, didn't you? But if you're determined to leave I'll accept your resignation with regrets.
No, I'm fine.
Good choice.
Now, I assume there's something else you wanted to tell me? I just talked to two reporters.
A Clark Kent and a Lois Lane from the Daily Planet.
They're outside.
Perfect.
If they're here, Superman can't be far behind.
If Irig's around, somebody here will know about it.
That's the great thing about a small town.
What's the matter? I feel like Dorothy.
Shouldn't a tornado be flying me off to Oz pretty soon? Bad metaphor, Lois.
Dorothy wanted to go back to Kansas.
Technicality.
Where is that sister of yours? You'd better go find her, don't you think? Good-bye now.
Rachel? Clark.
Don't let this uniform fool you.
I can still two-step better than anyone in this town.
I'm sure you can.
I'll show you tomorrow night, old times' sake.
Rachel Harris, Lois Lane.
Lois Lane, Rachel Harris.
I guess that's Sheriff Harris now.
Old times' sake? Well, Clark took me to a senior prom.
So, when did you two We haven't.
We're here on assignment for the Daily Planet.
We work together.
Really? Completely professional, huh? Rach, the reason we're here is Do you know where Irig is? I haven't seen him.
But you know how he likes to keep to himself.
Duty calls.
Lois, we're going to have to swap some Clark stories later.
Maybe we can get an early taste of some of the local hospitality.
You go ahead.
I think I'll hang around and soak up the atmosphere.
Come on.
You know, Lois, what you can't stand is how normal it is here.
Normal? I've heard about these small towns.
You see Mr.
Regular Joe flipping hamburgers? - I bet you he's a cross-dresser.
- Really? - Clark.
- Mom! Gosh, it's good to see you.
- You must be Lois.
- Yeah, that's me.
Hi, Mrs.
Kent.
Martha, please.
Well, you sure are pretty.
- It's okay if I tell her that, isn't it, Clark? - I don't know, Mom.
Ask Lois.
Thanks, Martha.
You kids must be hungry.
Let's get you something to eat.
I don't know, Mom.
Lois thinks that the cook might be a cross-dresser.
- Corn? - Please.
- Here you go.
- Looks delicious.
Honey, that's Clark's father.
I can't get him to buy a dress for me, let alone one for himself.
I was just illustrating a point, really.
Wait till he hears that.
It's just an old farmhouse, but it's home.
It's my latest.
What do you think? I like it.
What is it? It's a bowl of fruit.
Mom, Lois and I need to receive a fax tomorrow.
A fax? Facsimile, it's a machine.
A person can put a piece of paper in at one end and the person at the other end can get a copy if they have a fax machine.
It's sort of technical.
I was just thinking if you're expecting something I'd better check the paper.
I didn't mean that.
I just I don't even have a fax machine.
Out here these days, you have to have one.
Now, Lois, you'll be in Clark's room.
Clark, you'll be on the couch.
Unless you two are No, we're not.
- Jonathan, I want you to help me.
- What? - Not exactly what you had in mind, huh? - Well, let's see.
So far I've been given a glimpse of ritual crop worship treated as your girlfriend, and I insulted your parents.
No, I couldn't have planned this.
You're having more fun than you want to admit.
You had three hot dogs at the festival.
See, that just goes to show how much you do not know about me.
I only eat like that when I'm miserable.
You boys go ahead and make up the couch.
I'll show Lois to her room.
You're not allergic to down pillows, I hope? I kind of expected you to come alone.
What's the problem, Dad? They're not looking for pesticides up the road, Clark.
Wayne Irig found a rock on his property last week.
He sent a sample of it over to Wichita for analysis.
Then the Feds showed up.
That doesn't make any sense, Dad.
I mean, why go through all this trouble for a rock? Because the preliminary report said it's some kind of meteorite.
Wayne thought it might be worth money.
He gave it to me for safekeeping.
Those federal taxes were giving him such a hard time.
I figure since we found it a few miles from where we found you it was probably related.
Dad, I'm feeling kind of strange.
My God.
You think it could be this? Clark, what's happening? What's wrong, Son? Martha! Oh, my boy.
Clark, honey, you're burning up.
Don't be scared, Mom.
My body doesn't work like other people's.
But how do you feel? That's the important thing.
Better.
I think I feel better.
Oh, my! What do you mean, you think you feel better? Don't you know? He's never been sick before, Jonathan.
It's a new experience.
She can't know anything about this.
I thought that I heard the fax.
Excuse me.
I've lifted a rocket into orbit before.
Now I can't even lift this.
Don't worry about it.
You'll bounce right back.
I don't understand.
How can a rock that probably came from the same planet as Clark, make him sick? Because it's poison.
That's all we need to know.
We're not going to let it near you again.
Look at this.
A working list of all the cleanup sites from the EPA.
Guess what? Smallville is not on it.
You look horrible.
It's my allergies.
You never said anything about being allergic to anything.
They always kick up when he's in the country.
Real bad this time of year.
Well, I tried to warn him about those amber waves of grain.
I better get right on this.
You feel better.
Are you coming? Go on.
I'll just be a minute.
You feel normal.
I am normal.
So everything's okay, right? Everything's okay.
So let's go.
It seems that this site is not on the EPA list.
We can match paperwork if you want to do that.
This is our certificate granting access to EPA Super Fund status.
This is the property rights waiver.
This is our authorization from Smallville City Hall and this is the updated list of what you have.
See? There's Smallville right there.
She's right, Lois.
Can I look at that? It always takes Washington about six weeks to figure out what the people in the field are up to.
I can make a call if you'd like.
Do that.
And while you're at it we definitely need to speak to Mr.
Irig.
I told you, he's been relocated during the disruption.
But you didn't tell us where.
Because I don't know.
Probably one of the motels.
I doubt it.
Most of the rooms around here were booked up months in advance.
Or maybe you haven't heard of the famous Smallville Corn Festival.
The government has pull.
I'll bet it does.
Grab the top.
They're back.
And? I think they believe me, but they want to see Irig.
Tell them he'll be in touch.
If I'm going to be involved in this, I need to know what's at stake in order to do my job.
Fair enough.
I have reason to believe there's a very important meteorite in Smallville.
Meteorite? Why do you need to keep it such a secret? This, Ms.
Sherman.
This was retrieved from Smallville, Kansas, 1966, not far from here.
The meteorite probably landed at the same time but it wasn't discovered till this recent storm.
Follow me so far? Good.
It's reasonable to assume that this meteorite is probably from the same planet as Superman.
The planet Krypton.
It's all right here.
"Not of earthly origin, periodic element 126.
"Emits an extremely high band radiation that doesn't seem to affect humans.
" However, it's my theory that if a Kryptonian is exposed to any piece of this material for any length of time, the result could be lethal.
But why kill Superman? He hasn't done anything hostile.
His existence is hostile.
He's the advance man.
The public relations guy.
He's here to soften us up for the hordes to come.
Now, do you understand? Four hours at City Hall, and all we know is that in 20 years there were no permits and no citations issued on the Irig property.
What's the matter? Don't mind my friend Lois.
She's from Metropolis.
You were coming off a bit intense.
Intensity might be a crime in Smallville, but in Metropolis it's a survival skill.
Clark Kent? Hi! Your mother said you were here for the Daily Planet.
So, this must be Lois? How'd you guess? I'm Maisie.
How's the writing coming? I just love to read a good romance novel.
I must've accidentally mentioned it to my mother, who might have Accidentally told the whole town.
That's just Smallville for you, honey.
Everybody knows everything about everybody else.
Then why haven't I heard any dirt on Clark here? With Clark here, what you see is what you get.
Here you go.
Back in a jiff.
"What you see is what you get.
" I'm bleeding.
Haven't you ever had a paper cut before? Not that I can remember.
Put it in your mouth and suck on it.
Sorry.
Mr.
Irig, where are you? I think I'm somewhere outside of Salt Lake City.
Salt Lake City? Well, I just got in my Winnebago and decided to go visit my sister.
I've been on the road so long, I hardly know where I am.
Mr.
Irig, I'm going to put you on with Clark Kent.
Hello, Wayne, can I have a number where I can call you back? I don't see one here.
I'm in a truck stop.
What did the EPA guys tell you about the work they're doing on your property? Just that they needed to do some digging.
Wayne, is everything okay? There's no problem.
Looks like somebody else needs to use the phone.
Good-bye, Clark.
Wait, Wayne, I Salt Lake City? That's where he said he was calling from.
He could've been anywhere.
Let's go mingle and see what we can see.
So you haven't seen him? Thanks.
That girl never stops working, does she? Maybe those Feds will look for a while up at Irig's and just give up.
Then she'll give up.
We've got to get you to a doctor.
That's all there is to it.
Mom, what is a doctor going to do? I'm fine now.
Fine, but I'm normal.
Normal for earth.
This is earth.
Normal could be good.
I think you're both jumping the gun.
You can't go all your life with powers and then poof, they just disappear.
Well, it's happened, Dad.
Here, I'll show you.
Congratulations there, big fellow.
Ring the bell and win a prize! - Here you go.
- Okay, go.
Here goes.
- Want another shot? - No, thanks.
Maybe you should try corn husking.
What is this? When in Smallville You can really do this.
I had a girlfriend who convinced me it was a great way to meet guys.
- Was it? - Define "guys.
" Okay Clark, let's make this a day to remember.
- Oh, no.
- Take a turn.
Can I try that again? Okay, that was very close.
One more.
Here you go.
All right.
You did it! You get your choice.
You know, Clark, I don't think I've ever seen you so I don't know.
So relaxed.
So sort of just Clark.
That's who I am.
Clark.
Chief? The rain forest, Jimmy.
The sounds of nature promote harmony in all living things.
There are no animals with high blood pressure.
Still stressing, huh? Stressing? I'm not stressing.
What do you want? - Clark's on the phone.
- What? Give me that.
Kent, what you got for me? Not much, Chief.
Lois probably ought to head back.
I can wrap up.
Clark, hold on a minute.
Lois, is that you? Something tells me we got a big one.
Really? Hold on a minute.
Kent, you talked this over with Lois? - Yeah.
- She agrees with you? You know Lois.
Anything she puts time into she expects to be a big story.
I see.
Hang on a minute.
Lois, you and Kent discussed this, and he's with you? You know Clark, he hasn't had enough experience yet to know when someone's feeding him a line.
I see.
Look, I'm going to call you right back.
Kent, I'm going to get right back to you.
- Who were you - Talking to? Jimmy, I got to get a photographer down there right away.
Ready, Chief.
- Where's Johnson? - Utah.
- I got it.
Sevens? - Winnipeg, sir.
Photographers! Just when you need one you can't find one.
Maybe there's a new guy looking for an opportunity.
No, Jimmy.
I can't take the chance.
Somebody had to take a chance on you once.
- All right, you go, but don't blow it.
- Thanks, Chief.
You're welcome.
Jimmy! Don't you ever hug me again.
So, what exactly is our plan? You sound like someone who needs their whole life worked out before they can live it.
So you don't have a plan.
- Of course I have a plan.
- Let's hear it.
As soon as I figure it out, I'll let you know.
Okay, here's the plan.
We know that what they say they're doing is not what they're actually doing.
So we'll just stay here until we see them doing it.
We should've brought some lunch.
- Great plan.
- Lf you have a better one, speak up.
Freeze! There goes the picnic.
In case you were wondering, this wasn't in the plan.
I had a hunch.
Who are you guys? Who do you work for? Do you know who we are? So many questions and from someone in such a precarious position.
Trask! What are you doing in Smallville? Now here I was just wondering the same thing about you.
Our newspaper sent us to investigate an EPA cleanup.
You're not here for your environmental virtue any more than I am.
You know it and I know it.
- What've you done with Wayne Irig? - Let him go.
Yes, you see, small-town ties mean a lot.
Any other man would've given up his contact in a minute.
But this man took sodium pentothal, a couple of broken fingers and he still wouldn't talk.
Then it came to me.
Let him go.
You're not as clever as you think you are.
I knew she was a fake all along.
Really? How? Too competent for the government.
How'd you get into this, Sherman? You know, you are really starting to get on my nerves.
Get her out of my sight now, please.
Did they recruit you or did they say you'd be working for the government? Instead you're just a thug.
Is that what you wanted out of your life? - Lois! - Relax, Kent.
My business is with you.
I'm going to make a little deal with you, Clark trusting your stay in Metropolis has put some sense into your head.
You give up the alien and I will let you live.
What makes you think that I would do that even if I could? Because Superman came to Smallville about the same time you were born.
There has to be a connection.
Now, tell me and live.
There's nothing to tell.
I'm learning all of this for the first time right now.
I'm trying to save humanity from an alien invader.
You have no proof of that, Trask.
All right.
There's another possibility.
Perhaps this alien has taken over your mind.
Perhaps he has infused you with his power.
Nobody has infused me with power, and nobody's taken over my mind.
We've got a location on Irig.
He's heading down the access road to the home of a Jonathan Kent.
Clark, why didn't you tell me this was a family affair? I don't know what to do with it.
I can't give it to anybody and I sure as heck don't want to keep this thing anywhere near Clark.
Sometimes I don't understand why things happen.
How all his life he's always talked about being normal.
Now he is.
It's what he says he wants, but it doesn't seem to be No, Martha, it just doesn't feel right, because Clark is not normal.
Normal for him is being Superman.
Until I opened this box.
- Jonathan, it's Wayne Irig.
- Wayne? God, man, look at you.
What did they do to you? We got a problem.
Okay.
I'm with you, Wayne.
Just calm down.
Martha, get a doctor.
No, I'm all right.
There's men at my place, men with guns.
And they're looking for that rock that I gave you.
We have got to get to the police, now.
Wayne, we've been friends for years.
You trust me, don't you? Sure.
Then believe me that green rock is dangerous but we can't call the police and we can't let those men have it.
What do you mean, dangerous? What does it do? It makes some people sick.
That's all I know.
No more red tape.
We're going to go get it and destroy it right now.
Somehow.
I don't think so.
Your situation grows desperate, Mr.
Kent.
I now have your parents.
But who I want is Superman.
Now, you want to save them, you tell me what I want to know.
A trade.
You have to promise to let them go.
I do.
I absolutely give you my word.
I'm Superman.
Really, Trask, I'm Superman.
Are you, now? Wait, no! Trask, no! That was fear, Kent.
Real fear.
Superman doesn't fear guns.
Nice try.
But I want the real thing.
Sheriff! - We got an emergency.
- Over here.
Hank, put this car somewhere legal, okay? If it's an emergency you'd better start talking fast.
There's this guy, his name is Trask.
He thinks there are UFOs.
There are UFOs, but this guy collects them.
He's here in Smallville and he's got my friends.
We have to save them.
Do you know how to call the Army? The National Guard? We're going to need a helicopter You're not from around here, are you? I'm Jimmy Olsen from Metropolis, Daily Planet, and my friends - Clark Kent? - And Lois Lane.
Oh, her.
The guy that's got them, he could do anything.
- All right, get in.
- Sorry.
Did Clark ever mention me? They want you to help with the equipment.
Social call or business? You talk like someone who doesn't understand the trouble she's in.
I bet I understand better than you do.
I can't talk to you.
Why not? Trask is probably going to kill me anyway.
Of course, that will make you an accessory to murder.
Look, he's got your friend's parents and he's going to make it look like a fire burned the place down.
What about Clark? Trask thinks he knows how to find Superman.
He found some rock here that he thinks can kill him.
Can it? I doubt it, but Trask thinks it can.
Does this thing work? Just remember you give your lives in the cause of humanity.
Base to Unit One.
Unit One, go ahead, Base.
I got a woman on the line, she's talking about UFOs, kidnapping something about Wayne Irig and the Daily Planet, and Superman.
I think it's a prank.
No, put her through.
Go ahead, Lois.
Sheriff, you have to get to the home of Jonathan and Martha Kent right away.
I think their lives are in danger.
But we're on our way to the Irig property to check out the trouble there first.
Forget it, that's where I am.
Everyone else is gone.
Get to the Kents'now.
- Lois, it's Jimmy.
- Jimmy! I don't know exactly what's going on but I think Superman's in danger, too.
We have to find a way to warn him.
Do you have any ideas? I got one, but it's kind of a long shot.
Try anything.
Come on, big guy.
I promise to ask nice later, but just this once I'm back.
Superman's back.
Clark, behind you.
Just a minute.
Don't take another step.
Those are fighting words, Mr.
Kent.
Or should I call you Superman? Secret identity, that's very clever.
You're going to prison, Trask.
For murder, for kidnapping, for abuse of power.
But I'll tell everyone your little secret.
I don't care.
This ends now.
I agree.
The question is, for whom? You think you're better than humans, don't you? Lying around, so perfect and superior.
Well, those days are over now, aren't they? - You're wrong.
- No.
As it happens, you are wrong.
It's over now and I have won, and this little piece of home is going to be the death of you, Superman.
Unfortunately, I won't be able to stay for the services.
No! Very brave and very foolish.
Go.
Now, who goes first? You? Or the human traitors who sheltered you all these years? Go on, kill me.
I want to kill you, Superman.
That's not how I work.
"And in the end "Jason Trask's obsession caused him to search for a mystical rock "he alone imbued with destructive powers "and to confuse one reporter with the target of his fixation, Superman.
"He came to see this strange visitor from another planet where he was not "and to see enemies where there were none.
"It was an obsession that for Jason Trask would prove fatal.
" I've been in the newspaper business This is the damnedest story I've ever seen.
You should've been there.
Here is a man who is so far around the bend he started beating on Clark to get to Superman.
I usually advise my reporters to stay clear of their stories, don't get involved.
But since you got into a fight with this nutcase, Trask I'm just happy you came out on top.
Thanks, Chief.
Too bad this didn't work.
Don't give up on it.
Superman was in Metropolis, we were in Smallville.
You sure you don't want to share the byline on this one? Yes, Chief.
I'm too close to it.
I'd like Lois to tell it the way she sees it.
Lois, then I only got one note for you.
This rock that Trask convinced himself could hurt Superman what's it called? Called? You want a name.
Nobody can even find it.
Even the sample that Irig sent to the lab, disappeared.
I don't know if it ever even existed anywhere but in Trask's mind.
Even so this copy would seem a lot sweeter if you gave it a name.
Well, Trask thought it came from the planet Krypton.
I don't know.
- Kryptonian? - Sounds good to me.
Wait.
It's a meteorite, right? What about kryptonite? Okay, you two fight it out.
You are always editing my copy.
Next time, you fight the bad guy and I'll write the story.
Okay, kryptonite.
So, CK, now that you won the big thrill in Smallville how you feeling? I'm feeling super.
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