Masters of Sex s01e09 Episode Script
Involuntary
Previously on "Masters of Sex" Vaginal contractions? Every woman's experienced them, but nobody knows they exist.
And we will present thathow? Home movies.
Lester Linden.
Tell me when to start.
Action.
We're the only two people in the world who've seen it.
Vivian and I have been seeing each other a while now.
I think it's time to start considering the future.
Don't forget, a ring lasts forever.
Is it a brilliant cut or an emerald cut? The diamond.
I suppose I'd have to look.
You look as if you've seen a ghost.
Mother.
What was Bill's father like? Francis wasn't a bad man.
That's not the same thing as being a good man.
You don't have a condition, Libby.
It's Bill.
He's the one with the problem.
His sperm count.
It just It doesn't seem right, you blaming yourself.
Bill always means what he says.
But that doesn't mean Bill always knows what's best for him.
We can resume the capping with Bill's frozen sperm.
He knows the odds are essentially a million to one.
We are owed a miracle.
It's your hormones.
They increase the blood flow to the baby.
To the Your pregnancy should proceed without any problems at all.
It galls me to say it, but she may be one of my better students.
Mrs.
Johnson might come to you to, uh, sign up for another class.
I would appreciate it if you would tell me if she does.
Her work on the study is time-consuming.
The study needs to be a priority.
I don't know how to describe it, exactly.
It's It's as if things go fuzzy for a few seconds.
Before or after bearing down? Before.
Still in stage one, but as the intensity builds, it's like a a moment of numbness.
How would you say that? "Loss of sensory acuity.
" Good.
That's good.
Ah! What the hell? Jesus.
Ouch.
Sorry.
Couldn't you have been more careful? It's not like I'm doing it on purpose, Bill.
You know, there have been a few times where I've left here with some bruises, thanks to you.
I had fingerprints on my hips when we were trying vaginal rear entry, male superior.
Well, short nails from now on, please.
Maybe you should make mention of it in my evaluation.
"Mrs.
Johnson's manicure has proven problematic in research sessions.
" I told you, you have to fill out my performance review.
I left the form on your desk.
I don't understand why the administration requires this nonsense every six months.
It's not like I'm constantly being graded on my performance.
Aah.
Although I guess one might consider this positive feedback.
Bill? Out in a moment.
Bill, I need to Uh I'm sorry.
- I I couldn't wait.
- What is it? Are you Are you coming down with something? Stomach flu or There's no fever.
Could it be something you ate? Your mother did bring by a huge dish of turkey tetrazzini this evening.
Ugh.
Is there nothing that woman doesn't use cream cheese in? You know, when she brings dinner over and you're not here, I feel obliged to have seconds.
Well, you shouldn't feel obligated to do anything on her account.
It'd be a lot easier if you two just occasionally crossed paths.
You really should make more of an effort with her, Bill.
I will.
When? Eventually.
Why not now? I don't understand this sudden urgency.
She did move here to be closer to us.
She moved here to be closer to her grandchild.
What do you have so far? Toe curling, back arching, obviously nail digging.
You? Jaw clenching, nasal flaring, hand splaying.
There are involuntary contractions in virtually every single muscle group.
You know what this means? It wasn't my fault that I scratched you Simply a spasm.
Or more commonly known as myotonia a neuromuscular condition where one loses control of one's muscle functions, like a reflex.
There was that one woman who, uhbit her partner and drew blood.
Yes, and the the man who grabbed fistfuls of his partner's hair like an ape.
You know, people have always assumed that these are signs of passion, but what I think they are is a patterned response that's completely involuntary.
And if they are involuntary, how long do they last? How quickly do they resolve? It's worth examining.
Sorry to interrupt.
I didn't ask for coffee.
You didn't, but I anticipated that you would, so I insisted they make you a fresh pot downstairs.
I also brought you an apricot Danish, because that is the kind of secretary I am Always looking out for you, ready for anything.
She's on edge about her review.
Oh, for God's sake.
I have to write hers, too? Fine.
I will write Jane's review.
You write mine.
And then I'll get started on a checklist.
That way, as the subject's arousal increases, at least we'll know what we're looking for.
It would be better if we could film it.
Bring Lester in.
Get him to record it all feet, hands, stomach muscles in spasm.
We can describe them, but why shouldn't we have a visual record, as well? Uh, people's anonymity, for starters.
He'd film their bodies, not their faces.
They'd remain anonymous.
That is asking our subjects to put a lot of trust in us.
Who would ever say yes to something like that? Well, Miss Ready-for-Anything has been ready for everything so far.
I'd suggest you start there.
Shall I get you started with cake samplings until she arrives? In white, we have classic white, white raspberry, white almond, white amaretto, French vanilla It doesn't really matter.
I mean, to me.
Far as I can tell, cake is pretty much cake, right? Actually there are dozens of flavors and even more fillings, as you will see when I bring you samples, so you can participate in this, the biggest day of your life.
I hope you're hungry, 'cause there's a truckload of cake coming our way.
I am so sorry I'm late.
I got stuck with a patient Mr.
Davinish and I was supposed to help bathe, but then he just dropped his robe without any warning in front of me, and, you know Ethan, there was something really wrong with his penis.
It looked like an anteater.
I'm so glad you're not deformed like that.
I've never seen such a thing.
I didn't even know it could happen to a man.
Not being circumcised? What you saw was foreskin.
Mr.
Davinish has it.
I don't.
Well, then it's just luck? No.
Jesus.
They should really teach this in candy-striping Or at least in sororities.
All men are born with foreskin.
But some people have the baby's foreskin removed after birth.
Basically, they just cut away the extra skin.
Who would do that to a little baby? Jews.
I've forgotten the idea behind it Something about the mark of God.
But recent studies show it also helps prevent syphilis, so we've got that in our corner.
We We do? You said that like you were jewish.
My parents are, but not me.
Well, doesn't that mean that you are? Technically, but I don't observe, so it's just a label that doesn't mean anything to me.
How could you not tell me this? Vivian, it's not a big deal.
I just feel silly, not knowing that the man I'm about to marry is jewish.
I'm not jewish.
I'm nothing, okay? The man you are going to marry is nothing.
How would it work? Thank you.
What would be the "no trespassing beyond this point" point? Well, we could say your collarbone.
Because the one thing that cannot appear on film is my face.
Of course.
And going in the other direction, I would want my rump off-limits.
All we're trying to capture is various neuromuscular responses hands, feet, stomach contractions.
I would also want you to steer clear of my appendix scar.
It burst on a camping trip to the Ozarks when I was 8.
Some country surgeon practically ripped it out with a bowie knife.
We will instruct Lester to avoid any identifying characteristics.
Can we put that in writing? Is that really necessary? I I just feel like we've done a very good job of protecting your anonymity so far.
Because the only thing you've filmed are my insides.
It's not like my gammy and gampy can look at footage of mytunnel and say, "Look! It's our little Janie!" Yes.
Right.
We will put it in writing.
Contract.
Like a movie star.
Yes.
And because we are asking you to do more, you should get paid more.
I can write you a check out of Dr.
Masters' fund today.
Oh.
Really? Yes, absolutely.
Jane, you are essential to our study.
Once the other people in the study see how we intend to film them, they'll know it's safe to participate.
It always takes one brave person willing to go first, and that person is you.
I would want to see the film first before you showed it to anybody else.
We can arrange that.
And whenever possible, I'd like to be shot from the right definitely my better side.
It's not a club, per se, but we do play cards once a week.
Is it mostly couples? How's this? Think it's a little small.
No, it's mostly widows.
Back in Cleveland, once Francis passed, it was like I died, too.
Couples don't want you any more when you're not part of a set.
Oh, what about that coffee urn? I have a better one somewhere.
Oh, no, that's fine, honey.
Just bring that down.
No, it's dented.
I don't mind.
Where's the step stool? By the fridge.
Oh.
How about you bring it down? I can't reach that.
You're the one who's tall.
I'm not climbing up there.
H-how far along are you? I'm not discussing this.
Oh.
But it's wonderful.
Oh, I understand.
No, I'm very, very serious, Essie.
I don't want to hear any words that have anything to do with mycondition.
I I don't want to tempt fate.
I haven't even told Bill.
Oh.
But you have to tell him, dear.
I mean, the father needs to know.
Maybe, uh, we can use the broom, and that can help us get it down.
Of course I'll tell him.
I'm just I'm waiting for the right time.
To share the happy news.
Well, my card club will have coffee after all.
Essie, I'm very, very glad that you've made friends, but don't forget the real reason that you moved here to be near Bill.
And to you and the I know it's hard with him.
Yes, when my son gets an idea in his head, it's hard to shake him of it.
I'm just saying, you You can't expect him to meet you halfway.
And I really want you two to be close closer, anyway.
I want to feel like there's a family here.
Mm-hmm.
Please, Essie, please please make the effort with him.
Oh.
Of course I will.
Don't you give it a thought.
That's what I said.
Well, what's the problem? H-hello.
I'm No women allowed.
I'm sorry.
I didn't reali Out.
Banks 79.
Robertson 78.
Schacter 64.
Unbelievable.
Did you say something, Mr.
Schacter? You don't think it's fair I'm reading the scores out loud? I don't, actually.
Would you rather I wrote them in blood on your locker? That's how I learned my scores my first year of anatomy.
My fellow students considered it a prank.
I quickly made sure I had the best grades in class.
Maybe you'll be similarly inspired.
Steppling 71.
Johnson 99.
Rosen 82.
Hey, Johnson.
You know, Banks and I are in a study group.
Yeah.
Well, you should be in it with us.
In fact, you should probably run it.
Goldman 72.
Lib? Oh.
She dozed off during "Perry Mason," so I insisted she head off to bed.
He's supposed to be so incorruptible, that Perry Mason, but he doctored a ballistics test in this one.
Now what are you supposed to think about him? He's supposed to be the hero.
Can I heat something up for you? There's still some turkey tetrazzini left over from last night.
Libby had two helpings.
I ate at the hospital cafeteria.
Oh? What? What did I eat? Yes.
You don't remember that routine we used to do when you were little.
I'd give you a nickel for lunch, and you'd buy yourself some mac and cheese at the school cafeteria, and then when you got home, I used to say to you, "What did you eat for lunch?" And you would say "Aw, ma.
" I never called you "ma.
" Oh.
I don't want to argue, Billy.
I was just saying to Libby tonight, in fact, "He works so hard, my boy.
It's too bad he can't bring home his work," especially if it's just paperwork.
- It's not just paperwork.
- Oh, no? No, I'm doing a study.
Subject matter requires we perform our research after hours.
Because the pregnant women have to wait for their husbands to come home and and drive them in? Really, I'm interested.
I see how completely this work absorbs you, and I want to understand what it is you do.
I'm not studying pregnant women.
I'm studying sex.
I watch people fornicate and masturbate.
Then I take down their sexual histories, I record the physiological changes in their bodies, in their patterns, idiosyncrasies.
And then I compile the data.
Still interested, ma? WellYes.
As a matter of fact, I am.
Were you hoping to shock me? You can't Not about sex.
Sex has been around for a very long time.
It predates even me.
And everyone has done it, except the Virgin Mary.
In fact, your father had tremendous sexual appetites.
If you'll excuse me, mother, I, uh perhaps I have what's ailing Libby.
I just wanted some sense, you know, of what being jewish meant.
She went to the orthodox temple on Delmar.
That's like saying you want to learn to swim, so you join the Navy.
Well, I think it led to a very good conversation last night.
Ethan has realized that he Well, you explain it, honey.
This really matters to Vivian religion, a church wedding.
I could really go either way, soI'm fine about converting to her faith.
Fine? It means a lot to Vivian.
And I'm thrilled, Reverend, that Ethan is willing to do that for me for us, for our children.
It's a gesture of real love.
The first step is to find a sponsor Somebody that you trust not only as a friend but with whom you feel a spiritual connection.
Okay.
Vivian can familiarize you with church doctrine.
You'll study the Bible.
And when I feel you're ready, Vivian will stand beside you when you receive the holy sacraments and accept the body of Christ.
That's it? There's no test? No.
You are declaring your faith in front of the congregation by saying, "I accept Jesus Christ as my savior.
" Just a few words.
What could be easier? This is gonna be quick, right? 'Cause I got a psych lab.
This is just a quick overview before we actually start our study group tonight at 8:00, sharp.
The work divides very neatly into each of us taking a subject to lead each study group, so, Tim, I have you with epithelial, skeletal, and histology.
Did DePaul slip you the answers to that last test? Some sort of sisterhood thing? You must be joking.
She hates me.
So, how did you get 99%? I studied, hard, just like you will do on ear, eye, and cranial nerves, Mason.
Charles, I have you with vessels and circulation.
And you're pre-med, right? I might be pre-med, someday.
I'm just trying to graduate.
What, graduate? For the first time? Wow.
Either you're the latest bloomer on Earth, or you've been through anatomy so many times, a monkey could get a 99.
You know, I would send my kids to their room for a comment like that.
You have kids? Nobody has kids.
Well, I will take that as a backhanded compliment that I look too young to be a mother.
Charles, instead of vessels, I now have you on colon, bowel, and rectum, parts I and II.
He was moving when I brought him in.
The crash breaks their necks.
Sounds awful, but it's the quickest way to go.
Come on.
Let's put him in the outside trash.
No, no, the bird is my fault, and I will take care of it.
Your fault? I don't understand.
What's the worst thing you've ever done, Essie? Oh, heavens.
Where did that question come from? I want to know.
I won't tell Bill.
I've done something wrong.
Oh, honey, we all do something we regret.
No, I mean recently, and the thing I did Well, I just might have died inside, I mean If I hadn't done it.
And even if it's a bad thing, that's the right reason to do something, isn't it? You mean tosave yourself? Well, my mother did always say you have to be your own best friend.
Did you know that my mother died when I was a girl? I did.
It's a terrible loss.
Then you don't know the strange part is that, a few days after the funeral, my father disappeared.
Bill told me your father had passed on.
Because that's what I tell people.
But the truth is one day he just didn't come home.
And my sisters and I were terrified, sure that something terrible had happened to him.
It took a few days, buta neighbor tracked him down.
He had movedto Virginia.
Oh.
After that, all I wanted was to grow up So that I could have a family.
So that I could have a happy ending.
You know what I think? I think your happy ending is now.
You're not seeing my face, are you? Remember, Lester, below the collarbone.
Her feet, please.
Lester, that means I'm finished.
And cut.
I noted at least five myotonic responses.
I was going for a kind of Edward Steichen approach the body as landscape.
I timed the carpopedal spasming late in the excitement phase You? I saw it most acutely in early plateau.
The undulation of stomach muscles like ripples on a lake, the spiking of fingers like stalagmites Really? I did that? Well, it depends on where you stand with the auteur theory, but Lester, we'd like to see what we have here as soon as possible.
When can you have this developed? Me? Developed? Oh, no, no, no, no.
What do you mean, no? You develop all our film.
The other films were indoor locations.
I told the boys down at the lab it was a laryngoscopy.
Turns out a voice box and a, you know, look really similar.
But tonight's film? The lab boys know pornography when they see it.
Pornography? It's not pornography.
We're certainly not the first people to have filmed a sex act.
Where do other people get that footage developed? You can try one of those places down on Locust Not that I've been.
Hello? Yoo-hoo! Billy? Who's that? Is that your mother? Hello? Oh.
- What are you doing here? - I brought you some dinner.
I thought you probably worked up an appetite by now, watching all that sex.
I'm impressed, Essie.
I I would never have expected you to be so open-minded about what we do here.
Well, I wanted to know what my son was up to, and so if the mountain won't come to Mohammed So, tell me, dear, what is your part in this? Oh.
Um, well, generally, I masturbate.
That's wonderful.
And, uh, is it Lester? Hmm? Do you masturbate, too? - Sometimes.
- Oh.
I mean, you know, not here.
Am I tasting cream cheese? Yes.
It's my little secret.
So, tell me, what secrets have you people discovered tonight? Come on.
I'm all ears.
Well, um Sometimes people grab at their partners during sex.
Mm-hmm.
Um, and a romance novel will tell you that that is an expression of passion or intimacy, but what Bill and I are finding is that it's actually something that you can't control.
It's not desire.
It's an involuntary spasm.
That's what we've been exploring tonight.
And you let people film you while you're doing that? Yep.
I'm the first one through the gate.
Yes.
There are so many physical phenomena that are just better recorded visually.
Like, uh, Bill, what is the name of Sternocleidomastoid contraction.
I've had one of those? It's a neck spasm.
Opisthotonos.
That's when your back arches.
So, you capture all of this on film so that the whole world can see.
Oh, no.
Just scientists.
I mean, right? Just scientists will see? Yes, Bill.
Black olives.
Well, since when don't you like black olives, Billy? I think "detests" is a better word for it.
I've learned how to spot them from a mile away.
In fact, I hope you've recorded that in my performance review, Bill.
"Mrs.
Johnson continues to distinguish herself as my official food taster.
" You haven't finished my evaluation.
I'm working on it.
What have you got so far? Wait.
Actually, let me guess.
I am an accurate typist? Pleasant phone manner? In my review, the head of my department said I should focus more.
I wasn't sure how to take that.
Let's not discuss your review now.
Why not? In fact, why don't we all just write my review here together? Virginia.
Here it is.
Oh, you've actually made some progress.
Virginia.
"As an assistant, Mrs.
Johnson acquits herself more than adequately.
" Not a gusher, my son.
"Mrs.
Johnson's commitment to the work cannot be underestimated.
" A little short on detail.
I hope you put more detail in mine.
"Were it not "for Mrs.
Johnson's conscientiousness, "dedication, and enthusiasm, "I would be at a complete loss.
She has become absolutely invaluable to me.
" Why don't you finish writing your review yourself, Virginia? This is It's perfect.
No, I'm sure you'll come up with something better.
Actually, I have an errand to run.
At 10:00 at night? Well, our work never sleeps.
Sure, we can develop it for you.
My boss has got a setup in the basement.
We do a lot of homemade stag films.
Well, this isn't a stag film.
It's documentary footage.
Oh, yeah? Gazelles traipsing across the savannah? It's a film of a woman's physiological reflexes as she she pleasures herself.
Oh, well, if that's your deal, I just got in a 8-millimeter smoker "Ring My Bell," starring Rosemarie Bacardo.
Towards the end, there's some good kink with a canoe paddle.
Could you speak to your boss, please, see how quickly he could turn around the footage? Yeah, he's in the back.
My feet are sticking to the floor.
Do you have a nickel? What? We're here.
Well? Oh, this woman is a terrible actress.
Well, there's no discernible detumescence, no corrugation of the areolae.
The one thing you can't fake is vasocongestion.
And no woman will ever be able to fool you again, Dr.
Masters.
Not that I've ever needed to.
So, Richie says leave it with him, he'll have it ready for you Tuesday.
No, I promised Jane we can't leave it.
We're not leaving it.
He'll have to do it now.
He's doing a mop-up now.
We'll wait.
He's gonna charge you extra for a fast turnaround.
I'm not letting this footage out of my sight.
I've heard there are places that make duplicates.
Want to keep this little lady all to yourself, huh? - The film isn't of her.
- Oh, that's a shame.
You should really consider putting your girlfriend in pictures, pal.
I'd have customers lined up around the block.
Watch your mouth around the lady.
Now hurry up and do this now.
If we have time, we could swing by St.
Peter's bookshop, pick up a copy of "Becoming a Christian.
" I can pick that up myself.
No, I want to.
We're doing this together, after all.
Actually, we're not.
I'm the one converting, remember? I pretended my waffle was the body of Christ this morning just for practice.
Ethan, you shouldn't joke.
Which is exactly the problem with religion.
You can't joke, but you are supposed to believe in magic bushes and floods and three lousy fish feeding thousands of dusty, sandy people in some desert.
I don't need to you to believe in those things.
I just need you to do this for me.
Because you want to go to heaven.
We're gonna be late.
Because you want to get married in a church.
I can see you're getting testy about this, and I really don't know why.
After all, it's easy.
You just do a little studying and stand up and say, "The lord Jesus Christ is my savior.
" You can do that, right? Of course I can.
They're just words.
The lord Jesus Christ is my savior.
See? The lord Jesus Christ is my savior.
- The lord Jesus Christ is my savior! - Ethan.
The lord Ohh! - Oh, my God! - Jesus Christ! - - - Is he all right? Oh, my God! Don't move.
You hit me, you idiot! I am so sorry.
No, don't move! Something could be broken.
Yeah Your head, the next time you pull a stunt like that.
We are so sorry.
He wasn't looking where he was going.
He almost killed me.
He's usually a very careful driver.
You're usually a very careful driver, aren't you, honey? Oh, no.
Last night.
I completely forgot.
We waited for you for over an hour.
Well, I got stuck at work.
There were a million things happening here My boss's mother showed up, and then we had to go to I will make it up to you.
We can have a special lunch-hour session.
We don't have lunch hours.
I have organic chem at 1:00.
Travis, too.
Charles has got crew practice.
Okay, well, then another time during the day.
We can only do nights.
The problem is that nights are tough for me.
Listen, maybe this isn't a-a big deal for you.
You're old.
You've got this job.
You have kids.
But Charles is on academic probation, and if I not get a "B", my father won't pay for my tuition anymore.
Okay, well, first of all, this is a big deal to me.
And I pay my own tuition, which is part of the reason why I have to work this job and why I'm busy at night Okay, so you need one thing.
We need another.
I'm sorry it didn't work out.
Fine.
It's your loss.
I'm the one with the nearly perfect scores.
Which is the real reason I'm here.
Can we copy your notes? Oh, if this isn't the sweetest, cutest, most darlingest thing in the whole wide world! Hi, Shirley.
Oh, hey, there, Gini.
How fun is this.
I didn't realize you were having a baby shower.
Oh, you know Val.
Any excuse for us secretaries to stuff our faces with angel food cake and gossip about our bosses.
Pull up a chair, Virginia.
We can make room, can't we, girls? Oh, that's all right.
I, uh I have a lot of work to catch up on while I eat.
Congratulations.
Do you mind? Are you going to insult me? I don't think so.
My first year of med school, I tried to sit with my fellow students all men, of course, who made me feel about as welcome as a case of piles.
And then I tried to sit with the nurses.
That was a disaster.
It hasn't much changed over the years.
So, what do you do? Do you just eat alone for the rest of your life? I focus on the work.
At the end of the day, that's what endures.
That's the thing we leave behind.
Virginia, I need you to call Mother.
You show up in the evenings.
You show up during the day.
Do I need to call security? I need to talk to you, son.
Has something happened to Libby? Not anything bad, no.
I am I'm worried that what I have to say is going to come out the wrong way.
Well, whatever it is, I'm sure it can wait until I get home.
No.
I can't talk to you about this at home.
Do you know what's the worst thing I ever did? The worst thing I ever did was not to speak up.
I didn't speak up.
And I didn't stop what was happening to you.
I didn't speak up about a lot of things, so I'm gonna speak up now.
I said your father was a very sexual man, and he was.
He just wasn't sexual with me.
For many years, he had a pretty secretary Eleanor de Sousa.
She was all high heels and long, red nails.
She used to give you saltwater taffy.
Do you remember? No.
And I don't know why Because, Billy, I can see that there's something going on between you Stop there, mother.
Virginia is my research assistant, and I won't have you insinuating anything improp I am just saying, Billy The man your father was with Eleanor de Sousa was the man he wanted to be.
And what we got at home was very little.
I don't think "little" describes it.
You don't want to do that to your family.
This conversation is over.
That's what your father always used to say.
Don't even begin to compare him to me! You need to figure out what you're doing, son.
And you need to start by talking to your wife.
Your vitals are fine, Dr.
Haas.
Thank goodness the fall wasn't worse.
I'll see about getting you discharged.
What a relief.
Viv, why don't you go handle the discharge papers? St.
Jude, patron saint of lost causes.
Well, you don't look like a lost cause.
Well, actually, I have two prayer cards.
Would you Would you like one? The other is St.
Anthony, patron saint of lost things.
Thanks, but I haven't lost anything.
At least, I don't think I have.
You're not catholic? No, I'm nothing.
I mean, I'm jewish, butI'm a doctor.
Well, that's a religion of sorts.
My son's god was Pythagoras.
He always worshiped numbers, starting when he was a boy.
- He's at M.
I.
T.
now.
- That's a good school.
And what did you want to do when you were young? I'm not sure.
I played baseball.
I was a decent pitcher but, um I gave it up after high school.
I always tested well, was good in math and science, so Professor McAlary suggested I go pre-med.
My parents, of course, always wanted me to become a doctor, and so I just I don't know Floated that direction.
You know, the one time I really did go after something it didn't work out.
Well, only the young think floating is an option.
When you get to my age, you you learn floating floating is for boats.
You're just in time for the shootout.
What is it? I don't know.
My, uh my mother was adamant I should talk to you.
About what, of course, she, uh she wouldn't say.
Everything all right? More than all right.
Uh Something has happened.
I can't say the words out loud because I'm afraid the wrath of God will just You'repregnant? But that's, uh that's not possible.
It is.
No, Libby, you're not.
I'm a fertility doctor.
It's It's not possible.
The only way Yes.
The only way I could get pregnant given that I'm barren with a uterus incompatible with conception isn't that what you said? It would be very difficult impossible, maybe for this to happen to me with just our making love.
And yet it has happened.
And now all that matters is that it is.
I know my wife.
My wife would never Just like my husband would never lie to me.
We have to forgive each other and move forward.
You'll forgive me if I I don't see it that way.
Excuse me.
You're not going anywhere, Bill.
You are in that exam room night after night, watching people have sex.
Human sexual response, you call it.
But there is no humanity in it.
It isimportant work, but it's not life.
It's physiology.
It's It's numbers.
Nothing that truly matters in this world can be measured like that.
The purpose of sex isn't an orgasm.
It is making life.
This is life.
This is love.
Without it you're just a man, lost in space, calling out, hoping to hear something back.
What I am what this baby is what a family is we're your echo.
Uh, I'm going to pass on the bacon.
Why? You love bacon.
I like it, butI don't know.
I'm gonna try something different.
Ham? I was just thinking about my dad this morning.
He's never tasted bacon.
He was raised that way by my grandparents.
He tried to raise us kids that way, too.
I thought it was stupid, and as soon as I could, I ignored it and ate whatever I wanted.
But it meant something to my dad.
And my dad means something to me.
Everybody cares about their parents.
But I never asked him.
"Why no bacon?" "Why get circumcised?" Why is some little wafer supposed to be the body of Christ? Your father believes in Christ? No.
My point is that I You're nervous about converting.
I wouldn't say nervous Because I'm not going to convert.
I understand what this means for you.
I know you can't marry a jew.
Why Why not? Because I Girls like me don't do that? Because my parents won't understand? I don't need to do whatever everybody expects me to do.
But a church wedding matters to you.
And you're a girl that deserves that.
You matter to me.
If we have to get married in a courthouse, then that's what we'll do.
And how would we raise our children? The way that we decide to raise them Together.
Ethan, why are you suddenly acting like you care about all of this stuff? Because I should care about something.
You know, sh-shouldn't I stand up and declare myself about something? You're about to stand up in front of everyone we know, in front of everyone that we love, and declare yourself to me.
You picked me.
No.
Viv, you picked me.
What are you saying? I'm saying, if I could go back to when I was 20 and design what I thought was the perfect girl for me, I would have designed you.
And who would you design now? What's the matter? I have to explain what's the matter? Oh, that's excellent footage, Jane.
In the first minute alone, we've captured neck strain, vasocongestion, the start of a very promising stomach-muscle spasm.
My stomach muscles, my neck.
- You can't tell it's you.
- But that's the problem.
I know that it's me, but I don't know who that girl is, and, honestly, I-I don't want to know.
I'm I don't understand.
Virginia I've not exactly been a saint, as you know.
I've slept with a few men, andwell, I like it.
I like the feeling of a man, the weight of his body, feeling like I don't exist except as a million tiny nerve endings.
And it can also feel pretty great when I'm alone.
But it's an it's an inside feeling.
That's how I know sex.
That I don't want to see that, and I don't want anyone else to see it, either.
You've been fine with this all along.
And I take pride in the work that I've done here.
I do.
And I hope that you don't give me a bad performance review because of this, but I can't have this film out there.
I'm sorry.
I want you to promise me you'll destroy it.
Our girl has gone.
I'm sorry? Jane.
She won't do any more filming.
In fact, she asked us to destroy the latest film.
I've already done it.
Now, I know you probably disagree, but we owe her this much.
She's worked so hard for us.
This was I don't know.
For some reason, it was just too much for her.
We paid her.
Well, I think that's part of the problem.
Getting paid to show her naked body? To her mind, only hookers and porn actors do that.
- She gave the money back.
- I see.
And so I've decided I'll do it.
That's not necessary.
I've done other things for the good of the study because I believe in it.
And at the end of the day, the work is what endures.
I do have one request, though.
I only want you in the room.
Lester He's a very nice boy, but I don't want him seeing me like that.
Do you think you could work the camera? Move down a bit.
There.
Now you're in frame.
Are you going to take the film in? My screen debut? Ah.
Yes, shortly.
Well, tomorrow, I'll start looking into an editor, 'cause we need to cut it down, - just to give people a rough idea of - Virginia? Mm-hmm? I wanted to give you this.
You finished my performance review? No, this is way more than you owe me.
The dictaphone didn't didn't cost half this much.
It's not for the dictaphone.
It's for you.
I don't understand.
It occurred to me, I've been, uhtaking advantage of you asking you to do for free what every other person who came through that door has been compensated for.
You're joking.
This is It's a joke, right? I came up with the amount by, uh, adding up the times we've participated.
And there's extra for the filming tonight, what we would've paid Jane.
And you? Did you pay yourself? Of course not.
It's my study.
It's our study.
Right.
You shouldn't be selling yourself short.
I wouldn't sell myself, period.
You don't mean this Because if you if you mean this Take the money.
I want you to have it.
You okay? Hey.
No, everything's fine.
I'm just I'm having a terrible day, too.
Do you want to be alone? I don't know.
Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
We got a call Light bulb needs changing.
- Go ahead.
- You sure? Now, generally, I don't mind working this late.
My wife and me, we're celebrating tonight.
I got the best performance review of the whole crew today.
Congratulations.
How about you? How'd you do? Not good, I'm afraid.
First, do no harm.
That's, uh what all physicians promise.
But I'm afraid I, uh I haven't lived up to that.
Mrs.
Virginia Johnson has proven herself to be a very competent assistant.
She has consistently demonstrated a natural aptitude for the work, an enthusiasm and dedication to it, and an eagerness to take on a larger and more integral role as our research progresses.
There is one quality that Mrs.
Johnson possesses that works both to her advantage and to her disadvantage She cares very passionately about everything she does.
To ensure that her professional momentum continues apace, it would be my recommendation that Mrs.
Johnson try not to take her work so personally and adopt a more detached approach.
Office skills Excellent.
Presentation Excellent.
Punctuality Needs work.
And we will present thathow? Home movies.
Lester Linden.
Tell me when to start.
Action.
We're the only two people in the world who've seen it.
Vivian and I have been seeing each other a while now.
I think it's time to start considering the future.
Don't forget, a ring lasts forever.
Is it a brilliant cut or an emerald cut? The diamond.
I suppose I'd have to look.
You look as if you've seen a ghost.
Mother.
What was Bill's father like? Francis wasn't a bad man.
That's not the same thing as being a good man.
You don't have a condition, Libby.
It's Bill.
He's the one with the problem.
His sperm count.
It just It doesn't seem right, you blaming yourself.
Bill always means what he says.
But that doesn't mean Bill always knows what's best for him.
We can resume the capping with Bill's frozen sperm.
He knows the odds are essentially a million to one.
We are owed a miracle.
It's your hormones.
They increase the blood flow to the baby.
To the Your pregnancy should proceed without any problems at all.
It galls me to say it, but she may be one of my better students.
Mrs.
Johnson might come to you to, uh, sign up for another class.
I would appreciate it if you would tell me if she does.
Her work on the study is time-consuming.
The study needs to be a priority.
I don't know how to describe it, exactly.
It's It's as if things go fuzzy for a few seconds.
Before or after bearing down? Before.
Still in stage one, but as the intensity builds, it's like a a moment of numbness.
How would you say that? "Loss of sensory acuity.
" Good.
That's good.
Ah! What the hell? Jesus.
Ouch.
Sorry.
Couldn't you have been more careful? It's not like I'm doing it on purpose, Bill.
You know, there have been a few times where I've left here with some bruises, thanks to you.
I had fingerprints on my hips when we were trying vaginal rear entry, male superior.
Well, short nails from now on, please.
Maybe you should make mention of it in my evaluation.
"Mrs.
Johnson's manicure has proven problematic in research sessions.
" I told you, you have to fill out my performance review.
I left the form on your desk.
I don't understand why the administration requires this nonsense every six months.
It's not like I'm constantly being graded on my performance.
Aah.
Although I guess one might consider this positive feedback.
Bill? Out in a moment.
Bill, I need to Uh I'm sorry.
- I I couldn't wait.
- What is it? Are you Are you coming down with something? Stomach flu or There's no fever.
Could it be something you ate? Your mother did bring by a huge dish of turkey tetrazzini this evening.
Ugh.
Is there nothing that woman doesn't use cream cheese in? You know, when she brings dinner over and you're not here, I feel obliged to have seconds.
Well, you shouldn't feel obligated to do anything on her account.
It'd be a lot easier if you two just occasionally crossed paths.
You really should make more of an effort with her, Bill.
I will.
When? Eventually.
Why not now? I don't understand this sudden urgency.
She did move here to be closer to us.
She moved here to be closer to her grandchild.
What do you have so far? Toe curling, back arching, obviously nail digging.
You? Jaw clenching, nasal flaring, hand splaying.
There are involuntary contractions in virtually every single muscle group.
You know what this means? It wasn't my fault that I scratched you Simply a spasm.
Or more commonly known as myotonia a neuromuscular condition where one loses control of one's muscle functions, like a reflex.
There was that one woman who, uhbit her partner and drew blood.
Yes, and the the man who grabbed fistfuls of his partner's hair like an ape.
You know, people have always assumed that these are signs of passion, but what I think they are is a patterned response that's completely involuntary.
And if they are involuntary, how long do they last? How quickly do they resolve? It's worth examining.
Sorry to interrupt.
I didn't ask for coffee.
You didn't, but I anticipated that you would, so I insisted they make you a fresh pot downstairs.
I also brought you an apricot Danish, because that is the kind of secretary I am Always looking out for you, ready for anything.
She's on edge about her review.
Oh, for God's sake.
I have to write hers, too? Fine.
I will write Jane's review.
You write mine.
And then I'll get started on a checklist.
That way, as the subject's arousal increases, at least we'll know what we're looking for.
It would be better if we could film it.
Bring Lester in.
Get him to record it all feet, hands, stomach muscles in spasm.
We can describe them, but why shouldn't we have a visual record, as well? Uh, people's anonymity, for starters.
He'd film their bodies, not their faces.
They'd remain anonymous.
That is asking our subjects to put a lot of trust in us.
Who would ever say yes to something like that? Well, Miss Ready-for-Anything has been ready for everything so far.
I'd suggest you start there.
Shall I get you started with cake samplings until she arrives? In white, we have classic white, white raspberry, white almond, white amaretto, French vanilla It doesn't really matter.
I mean, to me.
Far as I can tell, cake is pretty much cake, right? Actually there are dozens of flavors and even more fillings, as you will see when I bring you samples, so you can participate in this, the biggest day of your life.
I hope you're hungry, 'cause there's a truckload of cake coming our way.
I am so sorry I'm late.
I got stuck with a patient Mr.
Davinish and I was supposed to help bathe, but then he just dropped his robe without any warning in front of me, and, you know Ethan, there was something really wrong with his penis.
It looked like an anteater.
I'm so glad you're not deformed like that.
I've never seen such a thing.
I didn't even know it could happen to a man.
Not being circumcised? What you saw was foreskin.
Mr.
Davinish has it.
I don't.
Well, then it's just luck? No.
Jesus.
They should really teach this in candy-striping Or at least in sororities.
All men are born with foreskin.
But some people have the baby's foreskin removed after birth.
Basically, they just cut away the extra skin.
Who would do that to a little baby? Jews.
I've forgotten the idea behind it Something about the mark of God.
But recent studies show it also helps prevent syphilis, so we've got that in our corner.
We We do? You said that like you were jewish.
My parents are, but not me.
Well, doesn't that mean that you are? Technically, but I don't observe, so it's just a label that doesn't mean anything to me.
How could you not tell me this? Vivian, it's not a big deal.
I just feel silly, not knowing that the man I'm about to marry is jewish.
I'm not jewish.
I'm nothing, okay? The man you are going to marry is nothing.
How would it work? Thank you.
What would be the "no trespassing beyond this point" point? Well, we could say your collarbone.
Because the one thing that cannot appear on film is my face.
Of course.
And going in the other direction, I would want my rump off-limits.
All we're trying to capture is various neuromuscular responses hands, feet, stomach contractions.
I would also want you to steer clear of my appendix scar.
It burst on a camping trip to the Ozarks when I was 8.
Some country surgeon practically ripped it out with a bowie knife.
We will instruct Lester to avoid any identifying characteristics.
Can we put that in writing? Is that really necessary? I I just feel like we've done a very good job of protecting your anonymity so far.
Because the only thing you've filmed are my insides.
It's not like my gammy and gampy can look at footage of mytunnel and say, "Look! It's our little Janie!" Yes.
Right.
We will put it in writing.
Contract.
Like a movie star.
Yes.
And because we are asking you to do more, you should get paid more.
I can write you a check out of Dr.
Masters' fund today.
Oh.
Really? Yes, absolutely.
Jane, you are essential to our study.
Once the other people in the study see how we intend to film them, they'll know it's safe to participate.
It always takes one brave person willing to go first, and that person is you.
I would want to see the film first before you showed it to anybody else.
We can arrange that.
And whenever possible, I'd like to be shot from the right definitely my better side.
It's not a club, per se, but we do play cards once a week.
Is it mostly couples? How's this? Think it's a little small.
No, it's mostly widows.
Back in Cleveland, once Francis passed, it was like I died, too.
Couples don't want you any more when you're not part of a set.
Oh, what about that coffee urn? I have a better one somewhere.
Oh, no, that's fine, honey.
Just bring that down.
No, it's dented.
I don't mind.
Where's the step stool? By the fridge.
Oh.
How about you bring it down? I can't reach that.
You're the one who's tall.
I'm not climbing up there.
H-how far along are you? I'm not discussing this.
Oh.
But it's wonderful.
Oh, I understand.
No, I'm very, very serious, Essie.
I don't want to hear any words that have anything to do with mycondition.
I I don't want to tempt fate.
I haven't even told Bill.
Oh.
But you have to tell him, dear.
I mean, the father needs to know.
Maybe, uh, we can use the broom, and that can help us get it down.
Of course I'll tell him.
I'm just I'm waiting for the right time.
To share the happy news.
Well, my card club will have coffee after all.
Essie, I'm very, very glad that you've made friends, but don't forget the real reason that you moved here to be near Bill.
And to you and the I know it's hard with him.
Yes, when my son gets an idea in his head, it's hard to shake him of it.
I'm just saying, you You can't expect him to meet you halfway.
And I really want you two to be close closer, anyway.
I want to feel like there's a family here.
Mm-hmm.
Please, Essie, please please make the effort with him.
Oh.
Of course I will.
Don't you give it a thought.
That's what I said.
Well, what's the problem? H-hello.
I'm No women allowed.
I'm sorry.
I didn't reali Out.
Banks 79.
Robertson 78.
Schacter 64.
Unbelievable.
Did you say something, Mr.
Schacter? You don't think it's fair I'm reading the scores out loud? I don't, actually.
Would you rather I wrote them in blood on your locker? That's how I learned my scores my first year of anatomy.
My fellow students considered it a prank.
I quickly made sure I had the best grades in class.
Maybe you'll be similarly inspired.
Steppling 71.
Johnson 99.
Rosen 82.
Hey, Johnson.
You know, Banks and I are in a study group.
Yeah.
Well, you should be in it with us.
In fact, you should probably run it.
Goldman 72.
Lib? Oh.
She dozed off during "Perry Mason," so I insisted she head off to bed.
He's supposed to be so incorruptible, that Perry Mason, but he doctored a ballistics test in this one.
Now what are you supposed to think about him? He's supposed to be the hero.
Can I heat something up for you? There's still some turkey tetrazzini left over from last night.
Libby had two helpings.
I ate at the hospital cafeteria.
Oh? What? What did I eat? Yes.
You don't remember that routine we used to do when you were little.
I'd give you a nickel for lunch, and you'd buy yourself some mac and cheese at the school cafeteria, and then when you got home, I used to say to you, "What did you eat for lunch?" And you would say "Aw, ma.
" I never called you "ma.
" Oh.
I don't want to argue, Billy.
I was just saying to Libby tonight, in fact, "He works so hard, my boy.
It's too bad he can't bring home his work," especially if it's just paperwork.
- It's not just paperwork.
- Oh, no? No, I'm doing a study.
Subject matter requires we perform our research after hours.
Because the pregnant women have to wait for their husbands to come home and and drive them in? Really, I'm interested.
I see how completely this work absorbs you, and I want to understand what it is you do.
I'm not studying pregnant women.
I'm studying sex.
I watch people fornicate and masturbate.
Then I take down their sexual histories, I record the physiological changes in their bodies, in their patterns, idiosyncrasies.
And then I compile the data.
Still interested, ma? WellYes.
As a matter of fact, I am.
Were you hoping to shock me? You can't Not about sex.
Sex has been around for a very long time.
It predates even me.
And everyone has done it, except the Virgin Mary.
In fact, your father had tremendous sexual appetites.
If you'll excuse me, mother, I, uh perhaps I have what's ailing Libby.
I just wanted some sense, you know, of what being jewish meant.
She went to the orthodox temple on Delmar.
That's like saying you want to learn to swim, so you join the Navy.
Well, I think it led to a very good conversation last night.
Ethan has realized that he Well, you explain it, honey.
This really matters to Vivian religion, a church wedding.
I could really go either way, soI'm fine about converting to her faith.
Fine? It means a lot to Vivian.
And I'm thrilled, Reverend, that Ethan is willing to do that for me for us, for our children.
It's a gesture of real love.
The first step is to find a sponsor Somebody that you trust not only as a friend but with whom you feel a spiritual connection.
Okay.
Vivian can familiarize you with church doctrine.
You'll study the Bible.
And when I feel you're ready, Vivian will stand beside you when you receive the holy sacraments and accept the body of Christ.
That's it? There's no test? No.
You are declaring your faith in front of the congregation by saying, "I accept Jesus Christ as my savior.
" Just a few words.
What could be easier? This is gonna be quick, right? 'Cause I got a psych lab.
This is just a quick overview before we actually start our study group tonight at 8:00, sharp.
The work divides very neatly into each of us taking a subject to lead each study group, so, Tim, I have you with epithelial, skeletal, and histology.
Did DePaul slip you the answers to that last test? Some sort of sisterhood thing? You must be joking.
She hates me.
So, how did you get 99%? I studied, hard, just like you will do on ear, eye, and cranial nerves, Mason.
Charles, I have you with vessels and circulation.
And you're pre-med, right? I might be pre-med, someday.
I'm just trying to graduate.
What, graduate? For the first time? Wow.
Either you're the latest bloomer on Earth, or you've been through anatomy so many times, a monkey could get a 99.
You know, I would send my kids to their room for a comment like that.
You have kids? Nobody has kids.
Well, I will take that as a backhanded compliment that I look too young to be a mother.
Charles, instead of vessels, I now have you on colon, bowel, and rectum, parts I and II.
He was moving when I brought him in.
The crash breaks their necks.
Sounds awful, but it's the quickest way to go.
Come on.
Let's put him in the outside trash.
No, no, the bird is my fault, and I will take care of it.
Your fault? I don't understand.
What's the worst thing you've ever done, Essie? Oh, heavens.
Where did that question come from? I want to know.
I won't tell Bill.
I've done something wrong.
Oh, honey, we all do something we regret.
No, I mean recently, and the thing I did Well, I just might have died inside, I mean If I hadn't done it.
And even if it's a bad thing, that's the right reason to do something, isn't it? You mean tosave yourself? Well, my mother did always say you have to be your own best friend.
Did you know that my mother died when I was a girl? I did.
It's a terrible loss.
Then you don't know the strange part is that, a few days after the funeral, my father disappeared.
Bill told me your father had passed on.
Because that's what I tell people.
But the truth is one day he just didn't come home.
And my sisters and I were terrified, sure that something terrible had happened to him.
It took a few days, buta neighbor tracked him down.
He had movedto Virginia.
Oh.
After that, all I wanted was to grow up So that I could have a family.
So that I could have a happy ending.
You know what I think? I think your happy ending is now.
You're not seeing my face, are you? Remember, Lester, below the collarbone.
Her feet, please.
Lester, that means I'm finished.
And cut.
I noted at least five myotonic responses.
I was going for a kind of Edward Steichen approach the body as landscape.
I timed the carpopedal spasming late in the excitement phase You? I saw it most acutely in early plateau.
The undulation of stomach muscles like ripples on a lake, the spiking of fingers like stalagmites Really? I did that? Well, it depends on where you stand with the auteur theory, but Lester, we'd like to see what we have here as soon as possible.
When can you have this developed? Me? Developed? Oh, no, no, no, no.
What do you mean, no? You develop all our film.
The other films were indoor locations.
I told the boys down at the lab it was a laryngoscopy.
Turns out a voice box and a, you know, look really similar.
But tonight's film? The lab boys know pornography when they see it.
Pornography? It's not pornography.
We're certainly not the first people to have filmed a sex act.
Where do other people get that footage developed? You can try one of those places down on Locust Not that I've been.
Hello? Yoo-hoo! Billy? Who's that? Is that your mother? Hello? Oh.
- What are you doing here? - I brought you some dinner.
I thought you probably worked up an appetite by now, watching all that sex.
I'm impressed, Essie.
I I would never have expected you to be so open-minded about what we do here.
Well, I wanted to know what my son was up to, and so if the mountain won't come to Mohammed So, tell me, dear, what is your part in this? Oh.
Um, well, generally, I masturbate.
That's wonderful.
And, uh, is it Lester? Hmm? Do you masturbate, too? - Sometimes.
- Oh.
I mean, you know, not here.
Am I tasting cream cheese? Yes.
It's my little secret.
So, tell me, what secrets have you people discovered tonight? Come on.
I'm all ears.
Well, um Sometimes people grab at their partners during sex.
Mm-hmm.
Um, and a romance novel will tell you that that is an expression of passion or intimacy, but what Bill and I are finding is that it's actually something that you can't control.
It's not desire.
It's an involuntary spasm.
That's what we've been exploring tonight.
And you let people film you while you're doing that? Yep.
I'm the first one through the gate.
Yes.
There are so many physical phenomena that are just better recorded visually.
Like, uh, Bill, what is the name of Sternocleidomastoid contraction.
I've had one of those? It's a neck spasm.
Opisthotonos.
That's when your back arches.
So, you capture all of this on film so that the whole world can see.
Oh, no.
Just scientists.
I mean, right? Just scientists will see? Yes, Bill.
Black olives.
Well, since when don't you like black olives, Billy? I think "detests" is a better word for it.
I've learned how to spot them from a mile away.
In fact, I hope you've recorded that in my performance review, Bill.
"Mrs.
Johnson continues to distinguish herself as my official food taster.
" You haven't finished my evaluation.
I'm working on it.
What have you got so far? Wait.
Actually, let me guess.
I am an accurate typist? Pleasant phone manner? In my review, the head of my department said I should focus more.
I wasn't sure how to take that.
Let's not discuss your review now.
Why not? In fact, why don't we all just write my review here together? Virginia.
Here it is.
Oh, you've actually made some progress.
Virginia.
"As an assistant, Mrs.
Johnson acquits herself more than adequately.
" Not a gusher, my son.
"Mrs.
Johnson's commitment to the work cannot be underestimated.
" A little short on detail.
I hope you put more detail in mine.
"Were it not "for Mrs.
Johnson's conscientiousness, "dedication, and enthusiasm, "I would be at a complete loss.
She has become absolutely invaluable to me.
" Why don't you finish writing your review yourself, Virginia? This is It's perfect.
No, I'm sure you'll come up with something better.
Actually, I have an errand to run.
At 10:00 at night? Well, our work never sleeps.
Sure, we can develop it for you.
My boss has got a setup in the basement.
We do a lot of homemade stag films.
Well, this isn't a stag film.
It's documentary footage.
Oh, yeah? Gazelles traipsing across the savannah? It's a film of a woman's physiological reflexes as she she pleasures herself.
Oh, well, if that's your deal, I just got in a 8-millimeter smoker "Ring My Bell," starring Rosemarie Bacardo.
Towards the end, there's some good kink with a canoe paddle.
Could you speak to your boss, please, see how quickly he could turn around the footage? Yeah, he's in the back.
My feet are sticking to the floor.
Do you have a nickel? What? We're here.
Well? Oh, this woman is a terrible actress.
Well, there's no discernible detumescence, no corrugation of the areolae.
The one thing you can't fake is vasocongestion.
And no woman will ever be able to fool you again, Dr.
Masters.
Not that I've ever needed to.
So, Richie says leave it with him, he'll have it ready for you Tuesday.
No, I promised Jane we can't leave it.
We're not leaving it.
He'll have to do it now.
He's doing a mop-up now.
We'll wait.
He's gonna charge you extra for a fast turnaround.
I'm not letting this footage out of my sight.
I've heard there are places that make duplicates.
Want to keep this little lady all to yourself, huh? - The film isn't of her.
- Oh, that's a shame.
You should really consider putting your girlfriend in pictures, pal.
I'd have customers lined up around the block.
Watch your mouth around the lady.
Now hurry up and do this now.
If we have time, we could swing by St.
Peter's bookshop, pick up a copy of "Becoming a Christian.
" I can pick that up myself.
No, I want to.
We're doing this together, after all.
Actually, we're not.
I'm the one converting, remember? I pretended my waffle was the body of Christ this morning just for practice.
Ethan, you shouldn't joke.
Which is exactly the problem with religion.
You can't joke, but you are supposed to believe in magic bushes and floods and three lousy fish feeding thousands of dusty, sandy people in some desert.
I don't need to you to believe in those things.
I just need you to do this for me.
Because you want to go to heaven.
We're gonna be late.
Because you want to get married in a church.
I can see you're getting testy about this, and I really don't know why.
After all, it's easy.
You just do a little studying and stand up and say, "The lord Jesus Christ is my savior.
" You can do that, right? Of course I can.
They're just words.
The lord Jesus Christ is my savior.
See? The lord Jesus Christ is my savior.
- The lord Jesus Christ is my savior! - Ethan.
The lord Ohh! - Oh, my God! - Jesus Christ! - - - Is he all right? Oh, my God! Don't move.
You hit me, you idiot! I am so sorry.
No, don't move! Something could be broken.
Yeah Your head, the next time you pull a stunt like that.
We are so sorry.
He wasn't looking where he was going.
He almost killed me.
He's usually a very careful driver.
You're usually a very careful driver, aren't you, honey? Oh, no.
Last night.
I completely forgot.
We waited for you for over an hour.
Well, I got stuck at work.
There were a million things happening here My boss's mother showed up, and then we had to go to I will make it up to you.
We can have a special lunch-hour session.
We don't have lunch hours.
I have organic chem at 1:00.
Travis, too.
Charles has got crew practice.
Okay, well, then another time during the day.
We can only do nights.
The problem is that nights are tough for me.
Listen, maybe this isn't a-a big deal for you.
You're old.
You've got this job.
You have kids.
But Charles is on academic probation, and if I not get a "B", my father won't pay for my tuition anymore.
Okay, well, first of all, this is a big deal to me.
And I pay my own tuition, which is part of the reason why I have to work this job and why I'm busy at night Okay, so you need one thing.
We need another.
I'm sorry it didn't work out.
Fine.
It's your loss.
I'm the one with the nearly perfect scores.
Which is the real reason I'm here.
Can we copy your notes? Oh, if this isn't the sweetest, cutest, most darlingest thing in the whole wide world! Hi, Shirley.
Oh, hey, there, Gini.
How fun is this.
I didn't realize you were having a baby shower.
Oh, you know Val.
Any excuse for us secretaries to stuff our faces with angel food cake and gossip about our bosses.
Pull up a chair, Virginia.
We can make room, can't we, girls? Oh, that's all right.
I, uh I have a lot of work to catch up on while I eat.
Congratulations.
Do you mind? Are you going to insult me? I don't think so.
My first year of med school, I tried to sit with my fellow students all men, of course, who made me feel about as welcome as a case of piles.
And then I tried to sit with the nurses.
That was a disaster.
It hasn't much changed over the years.
So, what do you do? Do you just eat alone for the rest of your life? I focus on the work.
At the end of the day, that's what endures.
That's the thing we leave behind.
Virginia, I need you to call Mother.
You show up in the evenings.
You show up during the day.
Do I need to call security? I need to talk to you, son.
Has something happened to Libby? Not anything bad, no.
I am I'm worried that what I have to say is going to come out the wrong way.
Well, whatever it is, I'm sure it can wait until I get home.
No.
I can't talk to you about this at home.
Do you know what's the worst thing I ever did? The worst thing I ever did was not to speak up.
I didn't speak up.
And I didn't stop what was happening to you.
I didn't speak up about a lot of things, so I'm gonna speak up now.
I said your father was a very sexual man, and he was.
He just wasn't sexual with me.
For many years, he had a pretty secretary Eleanor de Sousa.
She was all high heels and long, red nails.
She used to give you saltwater taffy.
Do you remember? No.
And I don't know why Because, Billy, I can see that there's something going on between you Stop there, mother.
Virginia is my research assistant, and I won't have you insinuating anything improp I am just saying, Billy The man your father was with Eleanor de Sousa was the man he wanted to be.
And what we got at home was very little.
I don't think "little" describes it.
You don't want to do that to your family.
This conversation is over.
That's what your father always used to say.
Don't even begin to compare him to me! You need to figure out what you're doing, son.
And you need to start by talking to your wife.
Your vitals are fine, Dr.
Haas.
Thank goodness the fall wasn't worse.
I'll see about getting you discharged.
What a relief.
Viv, why don't you go handle the discharge papers? St.
Jude, patron saint of lost causes.
Well, you don't look like a lost cause.
Well, actually, I have two prayer cards.
Would you Would you like one? The other is St.
Anthony, patron saint of lost things.
Thanks, but I haven't lost anything.
At least, I don't think I have.
You're not catholic? No, I'm nothing.
I mean, I'm jewish, butI'm a doctor.
Well, that's a religion of sorts.
My son's god was Pythagoras.
He always worshiped numbers, starting when he was a boy.
- He's at M.
I.
T.
now.
- That's a good school.
And what did you want to do when you were young? I'm not sure.
I played baseball.
I was a decent pitcher but, um I gave it up after high school.
I always tested well, was good in math and science, so Professor McAlary suggested I go pre-med.
My parents, of course, always wanted me to become a doctor, and so I just I don't know Floated that direction.
You know, the one time I really did go after something it didn't work out.
Well, only the young think floating is an option.
When you get to my age, you you learn floating floating is for boats.
You're just in time for the shootout.
What is it? I don't know.
My, uh my mother was adamant I should talk to you.
About what, of course, she, uh she wouldn't say.
Everything all right? More than all right.
Uh Something has happened.
I can't say the words out loud because I'm afraid the wrath of God will just You'repregnant? But that's, uh that's not possible.
It is.
No, Libby, you're not.
I'm a fertility doctor.
It's It's not possible.
The only way Yes.
The only way I could get pregnant given that I'm barren with a uterus incompatible with conception isn't that what you said? It would be very difficult impossible, maybe for this to happen to me with just our making love.
And yet it has happened.
And now all that matters is that it is.
I know my wife.
My wife would never Just like my husband would never lie to me.
We have to forgive each other and move forward.
You'll forgive me if I I don't see it that way.
Excuse me.
You're not going anywhere, Bill.
You are in that exam room night after night, watching people have sex.
Human sexual response, you call it.
But there is no humanity in it.
It isimportant work, but it's not life.
It's physiology.
It's It's numbers.
Nothing that truly matters in this world can be measured like that.
The purpose of sex isn't an orgasm.
It is making life.
This is life.
This is love.
Without it you're just a man, lost in space, calling out, hoping to hear something back.
What I am what this baby is what a family is we're your echo.
Uh, I'm going to pass on the bacon.
Why? You love bacon.
I like it, butI don't know.
I'm gonna try something different.
Ham? I was just thinking about my dad this morning.
He's never tasted bacon.
He was raised that way by my grandparents.
He tried to raise us kids that way, too.
I thought it was stupid, and as soon as I could, I ignored it and ate whatever I wanted.
But it meant something to my dad.
And my dad means something to me.
Everybody cares about their parents.
But I never asked him.
"Why no bacon?" "Why get circumcised?" Why is some little wafer supposed to be the body of Christ? Your father believes in Christ? No.
My point is that I You're nervous about converting.
I wouldn't say nervous Because I'm not going to convert.
I understand what this means for you.
I know you can't marry a jew.
Why Why not? Because I Girls like me don't do that? Because my parents won't understand? I don't need to do whatever everybody expects me to do.
But a church wedding matters to you.
And you're a girl that deserves that.
You matter to me.
If we have to get married in a courthouse, then that's what we'll do.
And how would we raise our children? The way that we decide to raise them Together.
Ethan, why are you suddenly acting like you care about all of this stuff? Because I should care about something.
You know, sh-shouldn't I stand up and declare myself about something? You're about to stand up in front of everyone we know, in front of everyone that we love, and declare yourself to me.
You picked me.
No.
Viv, you picked me.
What are you saying? I'm saying, if I could go back to when I was 20 and design what I thought was the perfect girl for me, I would have designed you.
And who would you design now? What's the matter? I have to explain what's the matter? Oh, that's excellent footage, Jane.
In the first minute alone, we've captured neck strain, vasocongestion, the start of a very promising stomach-muscle spasm.
My stomach muscles, my neck.
- You can't tell it's you.
- But that's the problem.
I know that it's me, but I don't know who that girl is, and, honestly, I-I don't want to know.
I'm I don't understand.
Virginia I've not exactly been a saint, as you know.
I've slept with a few men, andwell, I like it.
I like the feeling of a man, the weight of his body, feeling like I don't exist except as a million tiny nerve endings.
And it can also feel pretty great when I'm alone.
But it's an it's an inside feeling.
That's how I know sex.
That I don't want to see that, and I don't want anyone else to see it, either.
You've been fine with this all along.
And I take pride in the work that I've done here.
I do.
And I hope that you don't give me a bad performance review because of this, but I can't have this film out there.
I'm sorry.
I want you to promise me you'll destroy it.
Our girl has gone.
I'm sorry? Jane.
She won't do any more filming.
In fact, she asked us to destroy the latest film.
I've already done it.
Now, I know you probably disagree, but we owe her this much.
She's worked so hard for us.
This was I don't know.
For some reason, it was just too much for her.
We paid her.
Well, I think that's part of the problem.
Getting paid to show her naked body? To her mind, only hookers and porn actors do that.
- She gave the money back.
- I see.
And so I've decided I'll do it.
That's not necessary.
I've done other things for the good of the study because I believe in it.
And at the end of the day, the work is what endures.
I do have one request, though.
I only want you in the room.
Lester He's a very nice boy, but I don't want him seeing me like that.
Do you think you could work the camera? Move down a bit.
There.
Now you're in frame.
Are you going to take the film in? My screen debut? Ah.
Yes, shortly.
Well, tomorrow, I'll start looking into an editor, 'cause we need to cut it down, - just to give people a rough idea of - Virginia? Mm-hmm? I wanted to give you this.
You finished my performance review? No, this is way more than you owe me.
The dictaphone didn't didn't cost half this much.
It's not for the dictaphone.
It's for you.
I don't understand.
It occurred to me, I've been, uhtaking advantage of you asking you to do for free what every other person who came through that door has been compensated for.
You're joking.
This is It's a joke, right? I came up with the amount by, uh, adding up the times we've participated.
And there's extra for the filming tonight, what we would've paid Jane.
And you? Did you pay yourself? Of course not.
It's my study.
It's our study.
Right.
You shouldn't be selling yourself short.
I wouldn't sell myself, period.
You don't mean this Because if you if you mean this Take the money.
I want you to have it.
You okay? Hey.
No, everything's fine.
I'm just I'm having a terrible day, too.
Do you want to be alone? I don't know.
Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
We got a call Light bulb needs changing.
- Go ahead.
- You sure? Now, generally, I don't mind working this late.
My wife and me, we're celebrating tonight.
I got the best performance review of the whole crew today.
Congratulations.
How about you? How'd you do? Not good, I'm afraid.
First, do no harm.
That's, uh what all physicians promise.
But I'm afraid I, uh I haven't lived up to that.
Mrs.
Virginia Johnson has proven herself to be a very competent assistant.
She has consistently demonstrated a natural aptitude for the work, an enthusiasm and dedication to it, and an eagerness to take on a larger and more integral role as our research progresses.
There is one quality that Mrs.
Johnson possesses that works both to her advantage and to her disadvantage She cares very passionately about everything she does.
To ensure that her professional momentum continues apace, it would be my recommendation that Mrs.
Johnson try not to take her work so personally and adopt a more detached approach.
Office skills Excellent.
Presentation Excellent.
Punctuality Needs work.